Gundam Wing Fan Fiction ❯ The Two Gundams ❯ The Palantir ( Chapter 9 )

Chapter 9: The Palantir

“This place we're going,” Merry asked Aragorn quietly. “What is it, again?”

“Edoras,” Aragorn replied, “the home of the mighty Horse-Lords of Rohan, the Rohirrim, whom you see riding all around us.”

“Ah.” Merry rubbed his chin. “How far is it from there to where Frodo and Sam are?”

“Many, many leagues,” Aragorn said sadly. “There is no chance that we could rejoin them, if that's what you're thinking.”

Merry sighed. “That's too bad. I thought we would be able to go with Frodo the whole way.”

“That was my intention as well,” Aragorn said, “but events transpired which prevented it.”

“You mean me and Pippin getting kidnapped,” Merry said guiltily.

“That was only one of many things,” Aragorn said. “In truth, we men could not have stayed around the ring much longer. It preys upon our minds more readily than it does others. You hobbits are resilient, and elves' minds are more closed to its strong pull. Even dwarves are made of sterner stuff than we men where pure evil is concerned.” He sighed. “It seems we are more readily corruptible.”

“But you are not such a man!” Legolas said. “You are more akin to my kind in the strength of your character.”

“You are kind to say so, Legolas,” Aragorn said. “It is heartening to be well-thought of.”

“We all think well of you, Aragorn,” Merry said.

“Indeed,” Gimli concurred, “while we dwarves normally do not think much of non-dwarves, as people go, you are one of the finest, Aragorn.”

“Thank you.”

“After all this praise, I think they need a group hug,” Heero muttered.

“Be nice,” Wu-Fei murmured.

“I am! I didn't cut off anybody's head for being nauseating, did I?”

“I stand corrected.”

“Why are you so testy, Heero?” Duo said. “Haven't you had enough fighting? We had some pretty stellar battles back there at Helm's Deep.”

Heero scowled. “I'm just wondering what's going on with Hadeya.”

“I told you he's fine. I just thought at him yesterday.”

“Why are you worried?” Quatre asked. “He's a demigod. If he needs to, he can always call the rainbow bridge and escape if things get hairy.”

“But if he does that, how does he get back here? We are in a book, remember.”

“It's not a book!” Quatre said archly. “It is an alternate reality based on literature given life by my truly superior magical ability.”

“Is that really how it works?” Treize blinked thoughtfully. “If that's the case, that would make your powers equivalent to a god, since these people with us seem to have a real existence.”

“Of course that's how it works and I expect you all to start treating me with the worshipful respect that I deserve.”

“I think he's making that up,” said Duo.

“Quatre's cute enough to be a god,” Trowa grinned. “His cute little bottom is certainly godlike.”

“Don't talk about my bottom that way!”

“How would you like me to talk about your bottom?”

“You don't need to talk about my bottom at all!”

“All right. How about if I just fondle it in silence then?”

“I'm using it!”

“When you get off the horse, I mean.”

Quatre glared at him. “I'm never getting off this horse.”

“Well,” Trowa said slowly. “If you insist. But then, that will give me the chance to try this new position I was thinking about that requires us to be on horseback. I was inspired by our horse-lord friends.”

Quatre paled. “What?!”

“I think it will be a lot of fun. As long as we don't fall off, anyway. But I have excellent balance, so it shouldn't be a problem.”

“That sounds like some fancy trick-riding,” Treize said. “I am a very good horseman. Do you think I could learn this one?”

“Undoubtedly. Zechs is kind of tall, though. He might find it tricky.”

“Why do you have to bring me up?” Zechs complained. “I didn't say anything!”

“Well, it requires two riders.”

“Leave me out. I'll have all my sex safely on the ground, thank you very much.”

“But what about that time on the table…” Treize began.

“Shut up!”

“And there was the back of the couch…”

“I'm warning you...”

“And then there were all those times in the mobile suit when we were young.”

“You did it in a mobile suit?” Duo asked, his eyes lighting up. “I never knew you were so kinky!”

“Like I said, we were young and eager. Any place seemed good in those days.”

“You naughty thing!”

“I'm never letting you touch me again,” Zechs grumbled.

“Oh, Zechs, don't be like that.”

“Hmph!”

Eomer, his cheeks flaming, edged his horse closer to Aragorn's. “Are all their conversations so… salacious?”

Aragorn chuckled. “I'm afraid so, but you get used to it.”

“I can't imagine how,” Eomer said. “We men of Rohan are not so open about matters of the flesh. Our women would never put up with it.”

“You've obviously never listened to a group of women talking,” Duo said. “They can get pretty raunchy.”

“My sister would never engage in such conversation!” Eomer retorted stiffly. “She is too well-bred.”

“I bet she just doesn't have anyone to talk to.”

When the party arrived at Edoras, there were flags flying from the watchtowers and the citizens cheered as they rode up to the golden hall of Meduseld.

“It is good to see our people happy again,” Théoden said. “Perhaps the dark days are finally behind us.”

“I fear that won't be so until Sauron is defeated,” Gandalf said gravely. “Great though it was, this battle we have fought is but the first of many battles to come. We cannot yet let our guard down.”

Eowyn was waiting for them at the top of the wide steps leading up to the hall and she greeted them with smiles as they dismounted. “Welcome home, Uncle! Welcome, everyone! When the lookouts saw you approaching, I ordered a feast of celebration to be prepared. We have waited for this moment, when we are all together again, to finally celebrate our victory over the forces of Saruman.”

“You are most thoughtful, Niece,” Théoden replied as he swung down from his horse. “Though Gandalf has reminded me that the war is not yet won, I think a moment of celebration is well-deserved.”

After some milling about, many of the riders and all of the Gundam pilots entered the hall. The large common room was set up with dozens of trestle tables and benches, and casks of ale lined one wall. Fistfuls of tankards stood on the tables and Eomer immediately grabbed a double handful.

“Let's toast our homecoming!” he cried and dipped the mugs into the nearest cask. He handed out the foaming mugs and reached for more. Soon enough, every man was holding a brimming tankard and Eomer held his up. “Friends and brothers!” he cried loudly. “In the name of our fallen comrades, I give you Théoden King!”

“Théoden King!” roared the response from dozens of throats, and then everyone quaffed their ale.

“We didn't get to toast!” Alexa complained.

“I have fresh milk for you,” Eowyn said. She gave Alexa and Jett tankards, but instead of ale, she filled them with creamy milk from a pitcher.

“May I have milk, too?” Roku asked.

“Of course!” Eowyn looked around quickly and found a deep trencher. She poured a generous portion of milk for Roku, but before she could move the trencher to the floor, Roku reared up and planted his paws on the table on either side of it and began to lap up the milk.

“Yum!” he purred.

Alexa took a long drink. “This is good!”

“Um-hm!” Jett agreed.

With the ale flowing freely, everyone was pretty much smashed by the time dinner was served. Eowyn had undone herself, and clearly had not done any cooking, as the tables groaned under delicious-smelling roasts of mutton, pork, chicken and goose, boiled potatoes and turnips, and stewed cabbages stuffed with sausage. There was also fresh baked bread with creamy butter, and sweet currant pies for dessert. It was all in all a very excellent meal and folks tucked into it with enthusiasm.

But at some point, as will happen when you put a lot of men in the same room with liquor, someone started a drinking game.

“Come now, Elf!” Gimli exclaimed loudly at Legolas. “Don't tell me you've never done this before!”

“It's a drinking contest?” Legolas blinked curiously. “But what is the point?”

“To see who can drink the most, of course!”

“I see.” Legolas accepted a mug of ale. “So I just drink the whole thing?”

“That's right!” Gimli boomed. “Bottom's up!” He tilted up his mug and drained it.

Legolas did the same. “Is that it?”

“No!” Gimli waved a hand at him. “We keep doing it until someone passes out. Another round!”

More mugs were brought and the participants, one of whom was Duo, quickly quaffed them down. This went on as mug after mug was brought and one by one, riders began to fall by the way. Eventually, only Gimli, Legolas and Duo were left, and the tables around them were littered with empty mugs and unconscious riders. The spectators cheered them on, taking bets on whether or not anyone would remain conscious.

“I think,” Legolas said slowly, “I may be getting drunk.” He blinked anxiously at Gimli. “What does it feel like?”

“It feels,” Gimli slurred out, “like your first woman! Hah!” Then he squinted at Legolas. “Or your first man!”

“What?!” Legolas exclaimed.

“There's some truth in that,” Duo said. He reached for another mug. “You ready?”

Legolas snatched up a mug and glared at Gimli. Gimli reached for a mug, but he had to lean over for it, which was a mistake. He just kept leaning and finally ended up face down on the floor.

“Gimli's out,” Aragorn said.

Duo and Legolas each downed their mug.

“I tell you what,” Duo said. “Rather than keep drinking until we're too drunk to have sex, let's arm wrestle to determine the victor. But since we've been drinking, I think we should name proxies. I pick Heero.”

Heero started. “What?”

“I don't know why, but that makes sense,” Legolas said.

“That's because you're drunk,” Aragorn pointed out.

“Really?” Legolas grinned. “I've never been drunk before. It's kind of fun. Who should I name as my proxy?”

“Pick Eomer!” Duo whispered loudly.

“Eomer?”

“Me?”

“Aye! Eomer!” several riders cheered. “Show these youngsters what a man is made of!”

Heero rolled his eyes. “Why do I let you get me into these things?”

“Because you think I'm cute.”

“You're not that cute.”

“Yes, I am.”

“A match! A match!” Everyone clapped as space was cleared at a table so Eomer and Heero could sit across from each other.

“Don't break his arm,” Wu-Fei said.

“Woo-hoo!” One of Eomer's subordinates slapped him on the back. “Did you hear that, Captain? We're counting on you!”

Eomer stared grimly across the table at Heero. He plunked his elbow down and held out his hand. Heero matched him and gripped Eomer's hand firmly.

Wu-Fei clasped their joined fists. “Ready? Begin!” He snatched his hand away.

Eomer's muscles bulged out as he pushed against Heero's hand. But Heero's apparently smaller arm didn't even budge. Eomer's face turned red and he grunted with effort. Heero's arm still didn't move. A look of worry widened Eomer's eyes.

Wu-Fei leaned over and whispered into Heero's ear. “You should let him win. You don't want to make him lose face in front of his peers.”

Heero made a face, but then his arm began to slowly edge backwards. Eomer redoubled his efforts and with a loud grunt, he forced Heero's arm down.

“Huzzah!” All around, riders of Rohan cheered with delight, pounding Eomer on the back and declaring him the best man in Rohan.

“That was quite decent of you, Heero,” Zechs murmured.

“Yeah, well, I didn't want to win anyway. Duo would just try to reward me with sex.”

Zechs blinked at him. “Are you somehow under the impression that this will get you out of sex?”

Heero scowled. “You're right. What the hell was I thinking?”

“Aw, man!” Duo complained. He draped over Heero's shoulder. “I blame Wu-Fei for being a decent fellow. You both owe me a thorough banging for making me lose the drinking contest. Eowyn! Where are we sleeping?”

“Oh!” Eowyn started out of a doze. “I have set up a dormitory.” She swayed to her feet and looked around. “There are more people than I planned for, though.”

“Most of them are already asleep,” Aragorn said. “Let's just shove them under the tables for now.”

“That sounds like a good idea,” Legolas said.

“Only to a drunk,” Treize murmured.

But without further ado, anyone who was not awake was shoved under the nearest table, to the point that they were piled up a little unceremoniously, and everyone else who didn't have their own room headed to the dormitory Eowyn had prepared.

Roku trotted up next to Aragorn. “Now's your chance, you know. Since Legolas thinks he's drunk, you could probably talk him into doing something naughty.”

Aragorn flushed. “I am not taking advantage of someone who is the worse for drink.”

“He's not really drunk, though,” Roku assured him. “He just thinks he is. But it gives him an excuse to do something outrageous. You should ask him.”

“How old are you, again?”

“Thirteen, basically.”

“You are much too young to already be such a bad influence.”

“I've had good teachers,” Roku chuckled. “Anyway, you should catch him before someone else does. There aren't as many women as men here so I suspect these riders aren't all that picky about how they entertain themselves, especially when they've been drinking. And from the way some of them smell, I think bipeds aren't always involved.”

Aragorn blinked several times and stared straight ahead. “I don't think I wanted to know that.”

Roku shrugged. “Papa Duo says there are still good spots available behind the stable.”

“I think I should stop talking to you.”

“Suit yourself. But I just saw Legolas go outside and three riders were following him.”

“What?!” Aragorn spun around. “I'd better go check.” He hurried toward the main doors.

The dormitory was a single long room with mats and blankets laid out on the floor in neat rows along both walls, with a narrow aisle down the middle. Gandalf immediately usurped the spot closest to the door and settled down with Saruman's crystal globe, wrapped up in a rag, clutched in one arm. The others selected spots based on sleeping preferences and there was a great deal of muffled moaning and groaning once the lamps were extinguished.

“How am I supposed to sleep with all this naughtiness going on?” Alexa grumbled. “I might as well be at home.”

“Do Uncle Zechs and Uncle Treize make a lot of noise?” Jett whispered.

“Sometimes. It can get pretty loud on bondage night.”

“Do you mind, Alexa?” Zechs exclaimed.

“Sorry.”

“Go to sleep.”

“I'm trying.”

Eventually, everyone settled down for the night and it grew quiet. But in the darkest part of the night, Pippin crawled out of his blankets and crept down the aisle to where Gandalf slept. After some furtive movement, he scurried back to his spot and hunched over something.

“What are you doing, Pippin?” Merry grumbled. “Can't you hold it until morning?”

“I just wanted to look at it again.” Pippin whispered back. Cradled in his lap was the crystal globe, its dark surface lit by liquid fire swirling inside.

“Pippin!” Merry squeaked. “Gandalf said not to touch that!”

But Pippin was leaning low over the globe, so close that his nose was nearly touching it. His lips began to move but no sound came out.

Quite abruptly, Duo sat up clutching his head. “Get the fuck out!”

Pippin reared up, pulling away from the ball with a look of horror on his face, but the ball remained clutched in his hands and his terrified eyes remained glued to its fiery surface.

Aragorn and Legolas burst into the room.

“Pippin!” Aragorn shouted. He charged forward and knocked the ball out of Pippin's hands. Pippin slumped to the ground in a dead faint. Duo keeled over at the same time.

“The fool!” Gandalf cried. He flung a blanket over the crystal globe, whose surreal glow filled the room with light. “Sauron can see us through the Palantir!”

Roku bounded over to the globe and batted it between his legs, where it disappeared. “Now he can't.”

Gandalf blinked in surprise. “I'll be wanting that back.”

“Gandalf!” Merry cried. “I can't wake Pippin!”

Gandalf leaned over the unconscious hobbit. “Sauron's grip is powerful,” he said. He touched Pippin on the forehead and Pippin jerked awake with a frightened cry.

“I'm sorry, Gandalf! I just wanted to look!”

“What did you tell him?”

“Nothing!” Pippin shuddered. “It was horrible!”

Gandalf sighed. “We were lucky. I believe Pippin told Sauron nothing, so our plan for the ring is still a secret, but this could have been a disaster.”

“If that's the case,” Treize demanded, “why have you been carrying that thing about like a giant bauble? It should have been safely locked away in Roku's storage space all this time. What the hell were you thinking?”

Gandalf drew himself up. “I was thinking that people need to listen to my advice and guidance a great deal more than they do. We carry the fate of the world on our shoulders.” He glared at Pippin. “This is not a lark, no matter how some people may view it.”

“Give it a rest, Gandalf,” Quatre said. “I think Pippin feels bad enough. I agree with Treize. If you knew that thing was dangerous, it should have been put in Roku's storage space in the first place. It's not like he doesn't have other dangerous items in there.”

“There's nothing dangerous in my storage space,” Roku said. “Except maybe for the grenades. And the ammunition. And possibly the laser cannon. And I guess the missiles are kind of dangerous, but they're all conventional warheads and I took the firing mechanisms out.”

“Where the hell do you get all this stuff?!” Heero demanded. “I couldn't find any grenades on Mars!”

“Why were you looking for grenades?” Wu-Fei asked curiously.

“That's not the point!”

“Mr. Aragorn,” Jett piped up. “Why were you and Mr. Legolas outside?”

Aragorn flushed. “Legolas sensed an ill-portent in the wind.”

“You were looking at the weather?”

“Mommy and Daddy call it that, too,” Alexa smirked.

“Alexa!”

“I'm just saying...”

“We will be having a discussion later about your impertinence, young lady,” Zechs promised sternly.

“Legolas and Aragorn's snogging aside,” Quatre continued, “What Legolas may have sensed proves my point. If Sauron was using that Palantir thingy to find us, it should have been put somewhere safe right from the beginning. So it's staying in Roku's storage space until we need it for something.”

Gandalf's lips turned down, but he nodded stiffly. “Very well. But I think it likely that Sauron thought Saruman had compelled Pippin to look into the Palantir. He will realize his mistake soon enough, however. Once he knows Saruman has fallen, he will launch his attack as soon as he can, before Rohan can ride to the aid of Minas Tirith. The city must be warned.” Gandalf turned his glare on Pippin again. “I will take this fool of a Took with me. The rest of you should follow with the gathered forces of Rohan as soon as possible.”

“Has anyone noticed that Duo is still unconscious?” Trowa remarked.

“Dammit!” Heero snapped. He knelt down by Duo. “Wake up, idiot!”

Roku sauntered over and licked Duo's face.

Duo jerked and his eyes flew open. “What the hell was that?” he demanded weakly. “I feel like someone just crapped all over my brain!”

“That would be Sauron, up-close and personal,” Trowa said.

Duo sat up and leaned against Heero. “Ok, that's it! I'm killing that guy! No one has the right to gunk up my brain like this.”

Heero looked at Gandalf. “You say this Sauron character will attack Minas Tirith first?”

“Undoubtedly. If Minas Tirith falls, the world of men is doomed.”

“All right, then we're going too.” Heero indicated himself, Duo and Wu-Fei. “I plan to be on the front lines when this shit-fest starts.”

“I want to go!” Roku said.

“Absolutely not!” Quatre said sternly. “I don't even want to think about the trouble the four of you will get into.”

“Aw, man!”

Gandalf put a hand on Aragorn's shoulder. “As long as Sauron believes we have the ring, he will focus on us. We must buy Frodo time to complete his task, even if it should cost us our lives. Do what you can to convince Théoden to come to Minas Tirith. We will hold out as long as we can.”

Aragorn nodded. “I will do my best.”

Gandalf looked around. “Well, my friends, it looks as if our fellowship must part ways again. Our task is far from complete and the road ahead is fraught with peril. But as long as we hold true to ourselves and have faith in each other, we can still prevail. So I charge you all to steel yourselves for what we must do. The end will soon be in sight, for good or ill.”

“Man, he just loves to make speeches!” Duo grumbled. “As if my head doesn't already hurt enough.”

“Take it easy, Duo,” Trowa said. “Someone has to signal the end of the story arc.”

-o- The End -o-

And in fact, that's exactly what it is! Next up is The Return of the Gundam! The thrilling conclusion to my complete bastardization of a beloved classic! Hold on to your seats!