Gundam Wing Fan Fiction ❯ Theories of Revolution and Affairs of the Heart ❯ Too Many Regrets ( Chapter 18 )

The shuttle moved through space along an intercept course with Libra. Sitting in its pilot seat, Zechs Merquise stared out at the darkness of space broodingly. Damn his sense of honor and duty! It had led him to being out here, alone, and at odds with Duo, again. He was heading out to White Fang, and to say Duo had disagreed with his decision was like saying that a Gundam was just another mobile suit. He thought with regret about the argument that had marked their parting.

~~~

Duo opened the door without knocking, as usual. Stepping in and shutting it behind him, he grinned at the sight of his lover. 'Good, he's here.' Then, he realized what he was doing. Zechs was sitting at a small desk, typing furiously on a laptop. It reminded him *way* too much of... no. He shook his head and walked up behind Zechs, using the blonde hair as a handle to pull Zechs' face around and to his for a kiss.

"Mmm, hello Duo." Zechs smiled. Being able to see Duo without having to sneak around to do it was wonderful and he didn't think he'd ever get enough of it. He turned in his chair, reaching out to gently tug Duo onto his lap.

Taking the offered seat happily, Duo wrapped a leg around Zechs' waist and pulled himself closer, snuggling with a disguised grope or two. "Hey Zechs," he said happily, knowing he was exactly where he wanted to be. "How're you?"

Zechs smiled wryly at his body's predictable response to having Duo so close. "Excellent, now that you're here."

"Good, cause I missed you on that stupid mission." Wiggling suggestively on the lap that was growing ever firmer, he ran a hand through Zechs' hair. "So, what were you doin' on the laptop, Mister I Don't Like Computers?"

Fighting the urge to moan, Zechs answered, "I was looking up an organization called White Fang."

Zechs earned a confused blink from Duo. "White Fang? What the hell for?"

"I was approached the other day by some men who claimed to belong to it."

Duo smirked. "Approached, hmm? Is that all?" he teased, grinning. "So what'd they say that got you so interested?"

"Well, aside from the offers of hot, wild sex in zero-g..." Zechs chuckled and paused. He knew his lover wasn't going to like this next part.

Laughing, Duo nudged Zechs in the ribs. "Now THAT we need to try," he whispered into Zechs' ear, letting his tongue flick out to taste the skin there. "And aside from those offers, you were gonna say...?"

Zechs tilted his head slightly, tacitly asking Duo for more. "Um... oh yeah, they asked me to come lead them."

Duo snorted, tracing his tongue down Zechs' neck slowly. "They wish!"

"Mmm... uh, I was... actually considering it," Zechs admitted softly.

Pulling back abruptly, Duo's face grew serious. "Considering is one thing. Accepting is another. Did you accept, Zechs?!"

"Not yet." Zechs nodded toward the laptop. "But what I've found out makes me think I should."

Duo sighed. "You HAVE to be kidding me. What did you find out?"

"They want peace, like everyone else, but they agree with Treize in that only a horrible war is going to make people truly appreciate peace when they get it. However, they're willing to go to even more drastic measures than Treize. If I join them, I should be able to temper their means, while hopefully still attaining the ultimate goal." On the screen of the laptop were various files.

"How can you be so sure that you're going to accomplish something in there? I can see where you're coming from," Duo said dubiously, "but I don't think it's the right thing to do. What if they just use you as a figure to make people trust them, or at least respect them?" He frowned. "Actually, I entirely oppose it, Zechs!"

Zechs stiffened slightly. It was one thing for Duo to state his opinion, it was another to practically dictate to him that he opposed it. Speaking slightly stiffly, he asked, "Then how do you propose to stop them?"

"I wouldn't know, I'd need to find out more about it. But I don't see why you feel like the responsibility is on YOUR shoulders!" Duo said angrily, not quite sure whether he was angry at the thought of Zechs leaving, or angry at Zechs for making this choice.

"I've been given the opportunity to make a difference." Zechs forced his voice to remain level. It wouldn't help his cause any to get into a shouting match with Duo. Besides, Duo would win, hands down.

Duo scowled, removing himself from Zechs' lap. "And if you don't make a difference? What happens then? Are you just gonna say 'Oops, sorry, here by mistake! Pardon my leave, see you in hell!' Do you think they'll take that well?!"

"Isn't it worth trying?" Zechs asked quietly, watching Duo with solemn eyes.

"Of course it's worth trying, isn't everything? Lots of things are worth trying, but a lot of them are STUPID! I mean, you could pay Catalonia big bucks to seduce Relena then tell everyone about it, and wreck her reputation, if you wanted ojousan out of her royal position. But it's a STUPID idea! Sure it would probably WORK, but that's... that's like whoring yourself out to Quinze in return for stopping the war!" Duo ended in a shout, radiating fury. "Is that a smart idea?!"

Zechs paused for a long moment. Catalonia seducing Relena? And... and... "Whoring myself out?" Zechs' tone was soft, but it was one that would have sent his OZ subordinates running for dear life. "Trying to do what's within my power to save the world equates with whoring myself?"

Duo swallowed a really nasty response and glared. "No, but it equates on the list of stupid things people do in an attempt to flaunt justice and righteousness!"

"I'm not flaunting," Zechs protested. "And I'm far from righteous. I just think that I'd have too many... regrets later if I didn't try. I don't want to be asking myself years from now if I could have made a difference."

Duo rolled his eyes. "You're gonna have a *lot* more regrets if this backfires on you, let me tell you that now. Well, go ahead, I'm not your mother. Just don't come cryin' to me when you turn into the half-naked mermaid figurehead on the pirate ship!"

Zechs raised one eyebrow and drawled in a tone that was at once annoyingly calm and cool and sarcastic. "I don't know how I survived this long without *you* to point out half-baked ideas."

"Oh? So THAT'S how it is. I'm trying to tell you that your decision's a bad one, and my opinion's gettin' shoved in the dirt. I don't mean anything of importance, is that it? You just pretend you care and that you listen to me, when all you really want is my ass! Is that it? I should've guessed. If I'm wrong, go ahead and tell me so!" Duo exploded angrily, hands clenching into dangerously tight fists.

"Oh, you're wrong, all right, on all counts." Zechs rose to his feet in an explosion of energy, his voice rising. "Just after your ass, huh? Seems like every time something doesn't go how you want it, I'm accused of being after your body." Zechs' voice turned bitter and soft. "I've been drowning, Duo, and all because I've been falling for you. For someone so focused on how others feel about him, you're remarkably blind." Zechs spun on his heel and stalked from the room, unwilling to remain a moment longer.

Staring after Zechs, dumbfounded, Duo reached out a hand and tried to yell out to Zechs to wait, but his voice wouldn't make the word. 'Falling... for me? He's... he's WHAT?' "Zechs..." he said quietly, hands shaking. "Zechs... come BACK! ZECHS!" he roared, unwelcomed tears blurring his vision. "COME BACK!!!"

~~~

Within the confines of the shuttle, Zechs closed his eyes. 'Why didn't I go back? Why did I walk away?' He had been so angry, and far from ready to deal with what he'd just admitted. 'And you were afraid.' Yes, he had been afraid. Afraid that he'd find out once and for all that what Duo felt was a strong case of lust, with maybe a little friendship tossed in for good measure. And maybe even more afraid that Duo would return his feelings. 'Gods, Duo, you were right about me having regrets if I did this, just not the ones I thought.'

Zechs was jarred out his thought by the shuttle controls beeping. He looked up and saw Libra hanging malevolently in space before him. With a sigh, he schooled his features into the aristocratic arrogance of the ace pilot White Fang was expecting. 'Another mask, damn it, and another set of lies.'

~OWARI~