Gundam Wing Fan Fiction ❯ Theories of Revolution and Affairs of the Heart ❯ Impartiality ( Chapter 20 )

Sitting in his room, Trowa watched his nemesis approach the safe house. So, Duo was coming back. He frowned softly. It would be painful to have to see Duo with Heero, but he would bear it for Heero's sake. Heero had a chance at happiness. As Duo approached the door, his bag in hand, he paused to look at the house, and Trowa had a clear view of his face. He looked unusually serious. A sense of unease ran through him, but he buried it. He'd encouraged Heero to push his chances with Duo, now he had to live with the consequences.

He had no intention of going to greet Duo, but Quatre's voice called up, "Trowa, Duo's back. Come say hello!" He thought he heard Heero try to shush Quatre, but it was too late. He had to come down now or suffer through Quatre coming to dissect what was bothering him. He stepped reluctantly down the stairs, hearing Quatre greet Duo. He rounded the corner into the hall in time to see Duo and Heero meet.

Throwing his arms around Heero in a casual hug, Duo forced a smile. "Hey, Heero! How's life treatin' ya?"

Heero returned the hug with equal casualness, taking his lead from Duo. "Not bad. Glad you're back. It's been too quiet."

Trowa's eyes narrowed. That was not a greeting between lovers. Resentment flared to life within him, hardening his features.

Seeing Trowa out of the corner of his eye, Duo broke the hug and waved, seeing the angry features but not knowing what to make of it. "Hey Tro!"

"Duo." He made the two syllables flat, emotionless, but still far from friendly. He couldn't help but notice Heero's concerned look, but he couldn't make himself friendly, not even for Heero's sake.

Pursing his lips, Duo frowned. "What's wrong, Tro...?"

The hall lapsed into tense silence, Heero's eyes almost comically wide, Quatre nervously moving closer to Wufei. Trowa's eyes flicked over them before settling on Duo. He shook his head and turned away, heading back upstairs. "Nothing." 'Besides you.'

Raising an eyebrow, Duo waited a beat, then followed, definitely worried. He knocked on Trowa's closed door. "Tro?"

"Go away, Duo." Without an audience, the resentment was clear in the tone.

Duo flinched at the cold tone. He opened the door a crack, peeking in.

Trowa was lying on his bed, staring at the ceiling. Without turning his head, he spoke. "I said go away."

"And I'm asking why," Duo retorted, masking his concern with sarcasm.

"Because I don't want to see you. That much should be obvious."

Duo snorted. "I'm not THAT stupid. Of course I know that. What I'm asking is, WHY don't you want to see me?"

Trowa snapped as he sat up to glare, "Because you have everything I want, but you scorn it. It makes me sick."

"Everything you want? Like WHAT?" Duo asked incredulously, stepping back with the intensity of Trowa's glare.

"You don't even realize, do you?" Trowa laughed bitterly. "He'll bend over backwards to try to make you happy. Doesn't seem worth the effort to me."

Duo blinked. "What the--" Then realization hit. "HEERO?! Hell, Trowa, you're in love with Heero?! What the fuck for? He-- he USED you!"

"No shit." Trowa glared. "And you know why he did? An insane hope that it might bring you back if you were jealous."

"He WHAT?!" Duo near-screeched, gaping at Trowa. "What the hell was he thinkin'?! Just cause I went off and slept with someone else doesn't mean HE has to, too! What'd he think he was gonna accomplish?!" Duo started pacing, muttering obscenities and curses under his breath.

"You should hear yourself. You've been off with Zechs at every opportunity, what reason did you give him to think that things shouldn't work the same way for him?" Trowa's anger sharpened and refocused. Duo was the ultimate reason why he was hurting and the reason why Heero would never love him. Why did Heero love him? Why did any of them love him? He was a selfish spoiled brat!

Duo's lips curled in a snarl, feet stopping their motion. "Things DIDN'T work out the same for him. He used you. I DON'T use Zechs. There is an ultimate, absolute difference, buddy. I'm not with Zechs to make Heero jealous, and THAT is the difference between our situations!"

Trowa snorted, something he knew he'd picked up from Heero, but some habits were hard to break. "Perhaps, though I've been trying to figure out how you keep coming off blameless. You fuck around, no biggie, but it throws the rest of us into chaos. And then everyone is so worried about how you're doing, how you're feeling. Why does everyone seem to love you?" His tone trailed off to bemused disgust.

"And why should I feel responsible? I didn't ask Heero to love me!" Duo immediately clapped a hand over his mouth. "Shit," he muttered through his fingers.

"But he does," Trowa hissed as he rose off the bed in a single sudden movement and stalked closer to Duo, "and will, no matter what you do. He's in so deep that if he thought leaping off a bridge would make you happy, he'd do it. Do you understand the concept?"

Duo backed up against the wall, suddenly feeling threatened by this Trowa that he'd never seen before, never met before. "Of course I understand."

Trowa curled his hands into fists, closing his eyes as he sought for control. Duo might understand, but that didn't mean he returned Heero's feelings. How could he not? The glimpse Trowa had gotten of an open, human Heero had been so amazing... how could Duo not want that too? Especially since it was his for the taking. A single tear tracked down Trowa's face, which he ignored as he opened his eyes and whispered, "How can you resist it? He's opened up, for you, and you don't seem to care."

"I DO care!" Duo protested. "It's just that I don't know about you, but with me, I can't tell the difference between his possession and his love. I left because I felt possessed, not loved. Surely you can comprehend THAT."

Trowa ignored the last, unwilling to consider it. Instead he focused on the first part. "What do you call his finding out about Zechs for you?"

"That's--" Duo broke off. "Well, yeah, I figured it out then. But I left Heero BEFORE that. And now I can't just go running back to Heero, because just as Zechs was leaving for somewhere, I'm not telling you where, he told me that HE loved me too!"

Trowa's anger rose again. Duo seemed so casual about all of the devotion he was drawing. The brat wasn't worthy of it. "I feel sorry for him."

"Fuck you!" Duo rose up, straightening his slouch, but still against the wall. "That's not my fucking point. My point is, how am I supposed to choose who to hurt?!"

"You idiotic spoiled brat! You still don't understand, do you? You don't choose who to hurt, you follow your fucking heart. Though since you don't seem to have one, that would be a problem!" Trowa shouted, finally losing his temper.

Duo lunged forward, grabbing the collar of Trowa's turtleneck and spinning them around, slamming Trowa into the wall. "Listen, Barton," he hissed. "You can insult me. You can think less than rat shit about me. But do not, and don't EVER, presume to know what I'm going through. I DO have to choose who to hurt because I care about them, maybe even LOVE them, equally. I DO have a fucking heart, and it doesn't give either of them any priority over the other!"

Trowa stared at Duo, struck by the sense that he might have misjudged him. He loved them both? It moderated his anger, but the resentment was still there, and he suspected it always would be. He was distracted from his thoughts when the door opened, but Duo's form blocked his view.

"Duo... let him go."

"Heero?" Duo's hand dropped with leaden weight, head slowly turning to look at Heero. "I... er..."

Heero glanced at Trowa, and seeing that he was all right, merely raised an eyebrow in a faintly disappointed look. "Have you two finished?

Under the look, Trowa flushed and looked away. It didn't matter that the look was directed at both of them, he felt it like the slice of a keen blade.

Glaring, Duo stormed past Heero, down the hallway and into his own room, slamming the door with force that shook the safe house's foundations.

Heero gave Trowa another glance and followed Duo, striding to his door and tapping lightly.

"What?!" came the muffled, ire-laced response.

"I just wanted to make sure you were okay." Heero leaned against the doorjamb, knowing better than to barge in. It was odd that he had a better sense for how to handle Duo now. Heero's lips twisted in a wry smile as he thought about what he'd heard of their argument. It was hardly surprising that Duo would be so angry about being accused of having no heart, though he'd give a lot to know his response to Trowa.

"I'm fine. Absolutely fine. Good. Peachy. It's all GREAT!" Duo's voice shouted back, trembling on the edge of hysteria.

Heero blinked and reconsidered his decision not to go in. He went inside and shut the door behind him, staying near the door. He spoke softly, teasingly. "I thought you didn't lie."

"Shut the fuck up," Duo muttered into his pillow, not sitting up to look at Heero.

He crossed to the bed, hesitating. He wanted to reach out, but he wasn't sure the gesture would be welcome.

Duo stayed still, pressing his face into the pillow harder. Heero was one of the few people he really didn't want to talk to right now. "Just go away!"

Heero bit his lip and withdrew the extended hand. "Whatever you want, Duo." His voice came out a whisper and he turned away, his breath stuttering in his chest. He blinked away the unfamiliar harsh tingle in his eyes as he walked out, shutting the door quietly behind him.

"No..." Duo whispered. "Don't really go away!" His voice rose in frustration. "Not you too, damn it! Don't go AWAY!"

Heero froze on the other side of the door. Duo was calling him back? He opened the door again, not realizing how tentative he looked as he peeked in.

"Don't go away," Duo said gruffly, looking up from the pillow. "And don't look like a whipped puppy, either." He smiled slightly.

One corner of his mouth quirked up as he crossed over to Duo and sat down on the edge of the bed. "I have to admit that I never thought I'd hear you compare me to a puppy."

"Well, I just did. So, what's on your mind?" Duo asked, sitting up and putting a hand on Heero's shoulder.

"I..." Heero floundered. Words were really not his strong point, especially not when they were being used to express himself. "I was worried about you. I didn't know what Trowa would do..." He trailed off, regret written clearly across his face.

Duo rolled his eyes. "Worried about me? Hell, Heero, I was the one who slammed TRO against the wall, and you were worried about me?!"

'I was afraid he'd talk about my feelings for you, and I didn't want anything to interfere with your happiness with Zechs.' Heero shrugged sheepishly. "He was fine... it looked more like temper than like you were out to hurt him."

"I woulda hurt him if you hadn't come in." Duo sighed. "So how long have you loved me? Trowa DID tell me a thing or two."

'Damn Trowa!' Heero winced and looked away. "I'm... not quite sure."

"Why the wince?" Duo closed his eyes, hating himself. What was he supposed to do? Reassure Heero that it was all okay and leave Zechs to rot in White Fang?

Heero returned his gaze briefly to Duo before looking at his hands. "I hadn't intended to tell you."

"Well, you told me. What do you think I'm gonna do, freak out and throw you out a window?" Duo grinned. "Anyone who gets mad at someone for loving them's an idiot."

"I just didn't want to complicate things anymore than I already had." Heero responded with a slight smile. "Throwing me out a window might have knocked some sense into me."

Duo winked. "Shall I try it?" He laughed, scooping Heero up in his arms and bringing him over to the open window. "You really want me to, huh?"

"Ah! Duo!" Heero half-shouted in surprise and clung to him. "No, no, no... you don't have to, really."

Smirking evilly, Duo leaned out the window, keeping a firm grip on Heero. Damned if he'd REALLY let Heero fall. He laughed. "Are you QUITE sure? It might do you good!"

"DUO!" Heero tightened his own grip. "Bring me back in immediately or omae o korosu!"

"Nah... I'll just hang you out to dry!" Duo said brightly, pretending to yawn. "I'm sure you'll be fine." He swung his arms back and forth, still gripping Heero tightly.

"You wouldn't!"

Duo grinned. "Wanna bet?"

Heero looked at him incredulously, then swallowed a smile as he thought of another technique to try. "Please bring me back in?"

"Hmm... now why would I do a thing like that?" Duo bounced Heero up and down.

"Duo... please!" Heero tried making a puppy dog face.

Duo rolled his eyes. "You look like a dying dog, not a cute dog. And you, of all people... YOU'RE afraid of falling? Last time I checked you could jump off a 30-story building!"

Heero frowned, almost sulking. "It's not the fall, baka. It's knowing WHEN you're going to fall."

"Fine. I give." Duo smiled, pulling Heero back through the window. "But who says I'm letting you go?"

"N-- nani?" Heero blinked several times in shock.

Duo shook his head. "Heero, Heero. You don't get it." Leaning down, Duo brushed a soft kiss over Heero's lips. "Do you?"

"D-- Duo?" Heero stammered, a flush rising on his cheeks. "I must be dreaming."

"No dream," Duo said wistfully. "Though if this were all a horrible nightmare, Trowa didn't hate me, and I wasn't in love with two men equally, maybe it would be. But he hates me, and... what I said before."

Heero didn't know it was possible for a heart to expand and contract in the same instant. Joy was neatly balanced by the pain. He knew better than to expect everything to turn out like a fairy tale, but hearing Duo say it still hurt. He swallowed to manage to get two softly spoken words past his throat. "I see."

Duo blinked. "What's wrong?" He held Heero close to his chest, dropping a kiss on his forehead.

"It was fairly obvious how you felt about Zechs, but..." Heero shook his head slightly. He needed to change the subject because he refused to make Duo feel guilty. "Duo, your arms have to be getting tired."

"Are you kidding?" Duo grinned. "I'm buff." He leaned down again, kissing Heero again, not keeping it short this time.

Heero mumbled something against Duo's lips during the kiss that could have been agreement before he surrendered to the sensation. Thoughts of whether this was right or wrong fled in the face of being held and kissed by Duo.

Duo deepened the kiss, feeling an enormous wave of rightness wash over him. He broke off for air, placing Heero down on his feet, then leaning back into the kiss.

Heero wrapped one arm tentatively around Duo's waist as he kissed him back. He had missed the simple camaraderie, among other things... he laughed, unable to control the euphoria bubbling up inside.

"What's so funny?" Duo asked curiously, sliding a hand up Heero's shirt.

"Just happy." Heero sighed at the touch on his bare skin. He hadn't realized just how much he'd missed Duo, Duo's touch, and just how special it was because it was Duo doing the touching.

Duo reached his fingers under the bottom of the shirt, lifting it up and off Heero's body, as Heero lifted his arms obligingly. He immediately attacked the newly bared skin, kissing and licking it, worshipping it with eager lips. "Me too."

Heero shivered, muscles rippling beneath the onslaught. A moan escaped his lips. Duo knew just how to touch him. The first small bubble popped when it occurred to Heero that Duo probably knew just how to touch Zechs, too, and with just as much tenderness. He shook his head, not wanting to think about it. `Concentrate on the here and now, with Duo.'

Not really wanting to waste time with preliminaries, Duo reached a hand down to squeeze the growing protrusion in Heero's jeans. The other hand went for the button and zipper, undoing both. He pulled the jeans down, taking the boxers with them. "Yeah..." he muttered, kneeling. Leaning forward so his lips were just above the head, he whispered, "Long time no see," letting his breath wash over it.

With a convulsive swallow, Heero held himself very still. A part of him was still terrified that this was a dream. Yet another bubble of euphoria popped as it occurred to Heero that Duo had just come back from seeing Zechs. An image of Duo kneeling before the blonde flashed into his mind. It warred with his own growing anticipation of feeling his koi's affection, even if he wasn't sure of the motivation. "Duo…"

Duo licked his lips, the only warning Heero got before a long-missed tongue traced its way up the underside of his cock. Then Duo was suddenly there, surrounding him, engulfing him in an unexpected deep throat, purposely humming a happy tune.

The words Heero had been about to say, that this wasn't right, died in his throat, buried under the sensation of absolute rightness of being this way with Duo. He moaned, incapable of doing anything else.

"Like that?" Duo muttered, pulling his head back and licking, swirling a spiral pattern down to the base, then going back up. He took it in his mouth again, sucking, a hand reaching around to grasp Heero's ass, kneading it.

"Oh, kami-sama, yes!" Heero mumbled, arching into Duo's mouth.

Putting an end to the teasing, Duo began to suck hungrily, meeting Heero's shallow thrusts gladly. There would be no letup until he got what he wanted. "Come for me..." he whispered around his mouthful. "Come on, Heero..."

The command proved to be too much for Heero. He trembled, then stiffened as his climax overtook him. "DUO!"

Swallowing everything he was given, Duo licked the extra off his lips and stood up, sharing the taste with Heero in a deep kiss.

His knees still weak, Heero clung to Duo and the kiss. Sanity slowly returned, and with it a sense of guilt. Duo loved two men, and he had just unwittingly helped him betray the other. Heero forced himself to step back from the embrace. "Duo... this... this isn't right." Forcing the words past his lips nearly killed him. Nothing had ever felt so right in his life.

Duo blinked, looking at Heero carefully. "It isn't?"

Heero shook his head, looking torn and frankly miserable with the decision he was making. "You-- you've barely come back from seeing Zechs and then we…" He waved his hand.

"What are you saying? That you're somehow less important or less worthy than Zechs? I told you I love you both equally, and until I decide what to do, I'm going to continue to love you both equally." Duo held Heero closer. "Doesn't that include this?"

"Does Zechs know that?" Heero's frown was troubled. He didn't know why he had this sympathy for Zechs, unless it was suddenly the similarities of their situation.

Duo flinched, then shook his head. "No. I left on bad terms."

Heero started to ask, then thought better of it. It wasn't really his business unless Duo chose to tell him. Instead he gave into temptation and hugged Duo, deciding that there wasn't any reason to deny himself if Duo was offering.

Hugging back in surprise and relief, Duo murmured into Heero's ear, "Love you, but I don't know what to do."

"I love you." Heero rested his head on Duos shoulder, as he hesitated, then murmured, "I'm sure some solution will turn up."

Duo blinked. "You... you do? Well, duh, you do but..." He wrapped Heero up in an even fiercer hug. "You SAID it!"

"Yes, well, I meant it," Heero muttered gruffly, blinking wetness away from his eyes again.

'Shit... now how am I gonna resist him? What about Zechs? I can't just leave... leave... this!' Duo thought frantically, looking at the brown-haired head resting lovingly on his shoulder. 'Nor do I want to! But... shit, but Zechs!'

Outside the room, beyond the ajar door, Trowa guiltily stared at his white-coated hand. He wiped it off on his pants after rezipping the wrinkled jeans. 'Damn you, Trowa. What pleasure do you get out of seeing them together? Physical, purely physical.'

He stormed down the hallway, seething but keeping deadly quiet. Once he was in his room, he let out a cry of rage, slamming his fist into the wall. The plaster crumbled and fell where his hand had hit, mixed with blood from split knuckles.

Ignoring his injured hand, Trowa fell onto his bed, muffling his sobs in the pillow. His mind was overridden with one emotion... hate. For Duo, and only for Duo.

~OWARI~