Gundam Wing Fan Fiction ❯ Things Left Unsaid ❯ Things Left Unsaid ( Chapter 1 )

[ X - Adult: No readers under 18. Contains Graphic Adult Themes/Extreme violence. ]

GIFT FIC: Written for Z, my awesome and talented beta-reader!!MERRY CHRISTMAS AND HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!
Disclaimer: Nope, I don't own Gundam Wing - and trust me - the boys areVERY thankful for that fact.
Ratings: NC-17 (sexual content and language)
Warnings: Duo's POV, Yaoi - 1x5 established... becoming 1x2x5 at theend
Pairings: 1x5, 4xR, 6x9, 3xS, HxD (Hilde and Dorothy - and yes I'm scary andevil *GRINS*), mention of UnexOC and CatherinexOC, ending in 1x2x5
Special Thanks To Z for taking on the horrible and terrifying job ofbetaing for me. To think she was actually HAPPY to have the job.
Summary: You've heard this idea a million times before but hopefully it'sgot enough new things to make it memorable!! Everyone has paired off and Duo'shappy for them, only... it would have been nice if someone had at leastconsidered him worth spending their lives with. Surpressing his pain and angerover being alone just isn't working anymore and working as much as he is isn'tenough to help him forget. Then a mission goes wrong and he expects to die,something that's alright because he never thought he'd live as long as he hadanyway and if it's between his death and destroying his friends happiness...death is more preferable isn't it...?
Things Left Unsaid
by Kai
Duo's POV
AC 197. I never thought I'd see it. It just hadn't seemed like a possibility dueto my job and status during the war, and yet I'd managed to survive - we allhad. We beat the odds and then fell prey to them soon after because all of ushad joined the Preventers not long after the last war ended. I think that all ofus had realized fairly quickly that, even though we'd given so much for thepeace we finally had, it was a peace never meant for us. Even Quatre worked a sa part-time Agent and Consultant.
Wufei had joined shortly after the second war at the request of Une and Sally.Trowa did likewise a month later, then surprised all of us by officially askingSally out two weeks after. Office romances were frowned on, of course, but theywere in different fields - Sally was the Chief of Forensics and Trowa was inField Work and Undercover Operations - so Une had okayed it relatively quickly.
The relationship surprised the heck out of me because I hadn't realized thatthey'd made such an impression on each other when they were on Peace Million,and I was a trained observer. I wasn't the only one startled though. Wufei hadhad a moment or two of stunned silence before he and Trowa had an in-depth andthorough discussion about being honourable and a gentlemen with regards to his'sister'.
Then two months after Trowa joined, Heero finally deemed Relena's personal guardand security team as 'acceptable' and applied to Une the same day for a job asan Agent. Not even a week later Quatre let it slip to me that Heero and Wufferswere in a hot and heavy romance - well, maybe romance in reference to those twois a bit much but whatever you clled it, even I could see it was good for thetwo of them. Although a spark of hope inside of me shriveled greatly at theknowledge, it didn't die though, I'm just not that lucky.
Not long after that Quatre joined up. Apparently it had taken him a while to getthe family business back in order after the last war had ended and he'd insistedon establishing a large number of organizations and charities to help the peopleeffected get back on thier feet - again. One war after another isn't a goodthing for the struggling individual and it's even worse for the strugglingfamily.
By that point I'd thought the surprises were over and then Quatre and Relenaannounce four days later that they were engaged. That much power in arelationship scared me but they seemed happy. I'd almost laughed when, not onlyZechs and Noin (who were married shortly after the last war), but Wufei andHeero had given Quatre the lecture about treating Relena right. She'd grown upa lot since the first war and we'd gotten to be friens so when those four hadfinished with his blondness, I broke into Quatre's bedroom two days later to puta finer point on the other's lectures and then repeated the same actions withRelena. I think they go my point; playing with a nice shiny knife while inShinigami mode and standing int he shadows of a person's bedroom can do that.
During that time I'd been working with Hilde at her Salvage Yard on L2. Ihadn't really planned on going elsewhere but the Yard had gotten crowded sinceDorothy had moved in and from the way the two of them carried on, it quicklycame to feel a bit suffocating to me. Howard offered to give me my old place onhis crew but if he did he'd have had to let someone go. So I found myselfcontacting Une to see about the job she'd offered me after Quatre had finallyjoined.
It was four and a half months after the war, that I found myself movingEarthside and signing on as a Floater Agent of sorts. Basically, wherever I wasneeded, I was sent. Didn't matter if it was the garage, administration, thefield, the training facilities or Special Ops. - like bomb disposal or thesniper unit. I liked it that way though, because the busier I was the less Inoticed how truly alone I was.
And that brings me back to AC 197. It was December and Relena and Quatre werehosting a Christmas/One Year of Peace celebration that would last for about aweek, ending on boxing day. I'd come because I owed iat to all of them - theywere the only real family I had outside of Howie and the Sweepers after all. Still, it was a little... er, harsh, to be around all the couples and end up theodd man out. Quatre and Relena had told me I could bring anyone I wanted but,though I had a lot of friends - in Preventers and out - there was no one that Ifelt a real connection to... no one outside the couples around me that is. Oh,I lusted after others but though I was considered impulsive and a lover of a'good time', casual sex just wasn't my thing. I just couldn't sleep withsomeone unless there was a connection on some level. I'd tried and needless tosay it was an utterly embarassing disaster. Lust can only take you so far.
And so I found myself alone and sitting in between two couples on the couch. Sally and Trowa were on my right and Relena and Quatre were on my left. Infront of us Zechs stood behind his now-pregnant wife, who was sitting in one ofthe two over-stuffed chairs while Heero sat on the arm of the second chair thatWufei was in. Hilde and Dorothy had gone to do last minute shopping in twon,even though it was a week until Christmas. All nine of us were debating babynames and I was doing my best to come up with the most ridiculous names I couldpossibly imagine. The last one I'd volunteered had been 'Rumplestilskin' and ithad spurred a debate between Sally and Wufei about a name shaping a developingpsyche. Sally had said that the name had some effect on a person and Wufei hadstated that the person would be who they were meant to be - the name, thoughimportant, didn't govern a person's character.
I had wisely stayed out of it since I had never known and would never know mytrue name or even if I had one. People who throw their unwanted babies intodumpsters probably don't waste time naming them before giving them the old'heave-ho'.
"Duo?" I blinked over at Relena and finally realized just how quiet the room hadbecome. I didn't need to look around, I could literally feel their eyes on me. The number one reason why spacing out is a bad idea. "Are you okay?"
I gave her a quick smaile and rubbed the back of my neck. "I'm fine 'Lena. Justa bit tired."
She frowned prettily at me and Quatre launched into 'Mother Hen' mode. OnlyHeero was a worse 'Mother-Hen' than Quatre. "You work too much Duo."
I forced myself not to sigh. It'd been almost six months since I'd joined thePreventers and for five of those six months Quatre had been nagging me aboutworking too much. To be fair though, he wasn't the only one. Sally and Relenahad started around the time he had and Zechs, Noin, Hilde and Dorothy (probablydue to Hilde's prodding) had started a month later. Lately I'd even started toget 'looks' from Heero, Trowa and Wufei and Une had even told me that if Iwanted a short break I shouldn't hesitate to ask. "I like what I do Q, it's theperfect job for me because it isn't really possible for it to become routine. Trust me. If I didn't like it I would spend as little time as possible doingit." He looked ont he verge of beginning yet another of his well meaninglectures so I started to fake a yawn that, ironically, turned into a real one. At the end of it I hauled myself to my feet and stretched. "Look, I'm beat. I'mgoing to go home but I'll be back around ten tomorrow morning, alright?"
They were reluctant but I still managed an exit all the same. Quatre and Relenahad offered us all rooms but only those who usually lived off-planet, Noin andZechs as well as Hilde and Dorothy, had accepted. The rest of us preferred tostay at our own homes, course - since Wufei and Heero lived together and so didSally and Trowa - it only gave them extra privacy. For me it gave me an extrareason to crank up my music (so I could drown out the irritable silence) and arefuge from seeing what I couldn't have. Not that they went out of their way tomake me feel that way because they didn't, in fact, they probably tired to avoidit but it still happened anyway.
I drove home safely but undeniably quickly. When I got back to the apartment Iput my motorcycle into the garage and locked it securely, setting up myspecialized security system before I left to go up the five floors to myaverage-sized apartment. It wasn't much but it, and everything in it, weremine.
Kicking my shoes off at the door I threw my black leather jacket on my sofa and,after locking the door and setting the security system, I went down the narrowhall to the bathroom - intent on a quick shower.
So, what better time for my cell phone to ring. Spinning on my heel I went backto my jacket and dug it out. "Maxwell here. What can I do ya for?"
"Duo, it's Karl. Karl Anderson . Look, I need a favor man."
Those words, 'I need a favor', should be labeled as famous last heardwords. "What do you need Karl?"
"I had an infiltration mission for around 2:30 in the morning but my wife wentinto labor. I checked with the Cammander and she said that the only one whocould take it on with such short notice and manage to pull it off was you. Ifyou can't do it I'm stuck."
I frowned a little. "Your wife isn't due for another month."
"I know, it's premature. They can't seem to get the contractions to stop." Therewas worry in his voice though he was trying to mask it. He didn't want to'force' me into doing it by manipulating my emotions but he needed to ask meanyway for the sake of his family.
I glanced at my watch; 11:32, that gave me a little under three hours toprepare. "Okay, meet me at HQ in ten minutes so we can go over everything... Howlong do they think your wife will be in labor?"
"They're not sure, but she hasn't dialated enough yet and if she doesn't in thenext two hours they're going to do a sea section."
"Thanks Duo."
I locked the door after setting my security system and started down the stairs."No problem. See you soon."
"Sure, bye."
********************************
It was five in the morning and I was still waiting for the opportunity to beginthe mission. It wasn't a difficult mission but it was a bit tricky because thetiming had to be exactly right to get it to work and so far it hadn't been. Iwas a bit sore and chilled to the bone. It felt like I had ice cubes for eyeballs but I stayed put, watching for my moment from my vantage point. Afterall, I'd suffered through far more for far less during the war. If nothing,practice does make perfect over time, sometimes a LOT of time, but it'll happeneventually - well, if you didn't die first...
My patience did pay off, about an hour later. One of the guards decided to havea cigarette and in moving to block the wind so he could light it he gave me themoment I had needed to blend into the building's shadows and bi-pass thesecurity. Once inside I used the ventilation system to take me most of the wayto the target room.
I exited the ventilation shaft into a janitor's supply closet and slipped on apair of ugly green coveralls, carefully liberating and ID badge from anotherjanitor I met on the way out. The cart helped hide the mini-computer I used toloop an image into the security cameras after I'd made it to the area where theroom I would be relieving of information. The door was secured by a card-keybut it wasn't even close to providing me a challenge.
Once inside I unlooped the cameras and began I to double-download. One unto adisk and one through a high-speed, secure connection to the internet that wassending the info direclty to the secured e-mail addresses of the the otherpilot's. That way, if I did get caught, my captures would think they had myonly copy while in truth, four back-ups had been sent out and were virtuallyinattainable to them. If they thought they had the only copy they wouldn't beso quick to cover their tracks. It had worked on OZ, among others, during thewar. It would likely continue to work for quite some time.
I cleaned up and left the way I had come in, with no one the wiser. Droppingthe disk off with Une, I went back to my apartment in time to shower, grab aquick protein bar and drive over to Quatre's without breaking the sound barrierbefore I was actually late.
******************************
Parking outside I walked up the steps to the door but it open before I couldknock. In front of me was Rashid, I wasn't that surprised, since the front gatewould have cleared my arrival with the big guy first. But he looked like hewanted to say something and he wasn't able to decide if it would be acceptablewithin the realm of good manners. "Is there something I can do for you Rashid?"
He looked relieved that I'd taken the dilema off his hands. "Master Quatre's carhas been acting strangely and his mechanic is on holidays, as are all those inhis employ who are mechanically inclined. And I confess that though I can repaira mobile suit readily enough, I am sadly lacking with regards to automobiles."
"Sure. I'll take a look at it later tonight. Is that okay?"
"Of course Master Duo. I'll make sure you're paid for your time."
I glared at him, and I may be no Chang or Yuy but he appeared suitably cowed."There's no need and you know that Rashid."
"Well, if you're sure Master Duo..."
I nodded firmly. "You know I am. Now, where are the masses?"
"I believe that they are currently in the music room."
"Kay, thanks." I let him have my coat after I grabbed my cell, since the lasttime I'd tried to put it away myself he'd done puppy dog eyes at me. He didthem better than Relena and Quatre combined.
Since the music room was on the main floor I didn't have to worry about stairs,I quietly made my way there. I heard the music before I'd even gotten a quarterof the way. Trowa was playing the flute and Quatre had his violin out, but Iheard Wufei's saxophone and Heero's keyboards as well. it seemed that everyonewas there and I found myself suddenly frozen in place, my thoughts spiraling outof control.
Most of my thoughts were stupid and traitorous. Things like: 'I don't belonghere.' 'Why do they need me?' 'Why would they want me?' I knew they were onlyconjured by low serf-worth and low self esteem but that knowledge didn't stopthem or the worse ones. The ones that asked why. I could have fallen in lovewith any of them so easily if they'd given me a chance. I was bi, so it didn'tmatter if the person who may have shown an interest had been male or female. They paired off though and somehow when they were doing that each and every oneof them had found me lacking in some way, maybe even in more than one way. Inthe end I just wasn't good enough for them. I was honestly happythat they had found someone to love who loved them back but...
I shook myself hard, pulling away from those thoughts as best I could. I was anaturally happy person but even naturally happy people can have depressingmoments. Unfortunately, I was getting them more frequently.
I leaned against the wall and tried to shake off the sudden glum cloud that wasover my head as I listened to the music. I'd almost managed it when a touch onmy shoulder broke my concentration. I found myself looking into concerned darkeyes, belonging to none other than Noin and I felt myself wishing that I couldjust throw myself at her and bawl until I had no tears left. I was a mess.
"Duo?"
Somehow I managed to dreg up a smile for her. "At your service my lady."
She smiled softly but it didn't clear the concern from her eyes. "What's wrong?"
So I told her a half truth. "A friend's wife went into premature labor and I'm abit worried."
"Well if you'd like to go check up on them I'm sure everyone will understand."
"It's alright Noin, he'll call me later. I know he will. Now, why are you outhere when everyone's in the music room. How can they possibly create beautifulmusic with part of their inspiration missing?"
Noin rarely blushed and I was proud that I was one of the few who could get thatreaction from her. She slapped my shoulder slightly before grabbing my arm andmoving us down the hall to where the music was coming from. "What would Zechssay if he heard you charming his wife?"
"That I have good taste."
She laughed. "Oh, you're such a charmer."
I couldn't help thinking that I wasn't nearly charming enough. If I was Iwouldn't be so alone.
When we got to the room the other four pilots had just finished a song and wereabout to start another when Quatre spotted me. "Duo! Just in time! Hop on thedrums would you?"
Noin gave me a shove in their direction, next to the keyboards that Heero wasplaying. Not that I needed convincing. I happened to enjoy playing but playingthe drums was much more entertaining when playing with a group instead of solo. I smiled brightly at Heero as I sat down and adjusted things. Then I thankfullylost myself to the beat.
***************************
We only played for an hour before Rashid had come to retrieve us for dinner. Quatre was ever the good host because, along with the more 'richie' dishes hehad more typical things like steak and potates as well as pizza, and some sortof stir fry with rice. There was something for everyone.
I was sitting across from Wufei and Heero but I didn't mind the view in theslightest. I had no doubt that there were few people in the world who wouldfind someone else eating sexy, but I did and so would a lot more people if theyhad an opportunity to watch Fei or Ro eat. Their tongues seemed wonderfullyagile and Heero even licked his fingers after he ate a piece of pizza. It wasenough to make me a space cadet for most of the meal, though I managed to haveenough neurons fire so that I ate something, though it could have been cardboardfor all I tasted it. I might be bi but I was always drawn to strong people andI didn't know of anyone stronger than Wufei or Heero. In a way, it didn'tsurprise me that the two of them had gotten together or at least it didn't themore I thought about it and I though about it a lot - too much actually. Stillthinking about them and admiring them was fine as long as they didn't know and Inever acted on it.
And I wouldn't, act on it, that is. It would destroy the happiness of the verypeople I wanted to be happy and if I had a choice between that and being alone -well, it really was a no-brainer - I would choose being alone ever time with atrue smile on my face and a bounce in my step.
I came back to yet another round of silence and stares, something that was fastbecoming a bad habit. Quickly I chuckled and gave them a sheepish grin. "Sorry,late night last night."
Dorothy wagged her impressive eyebrows at me. "Of course it was." She wasopeningly implying that I'd gotten laid and everyone laughed, in that 'secretunderstanding way' that friends do. It made me wonder what they would think ifthey found out I was a virgin.
But I didn't say anything, just smiled and looked smug, like I always did. People believed what they wanted to believe and I let them because it was easierthan trying to explain the truth. Sides, it kept pressure off of me becausethey thought I was a playboy and that kept lectures and well-meaning gesturesfocused on work instead of matchmaking, blind dates and painfully, embarrassingtalks about sex or sexual protection.
The day went typically after that. Noin and Zechs left for a walk, Wufei andSally got into a debate and Hilde, Dorothy, Quatre and Relena began discussingbusiness strategies in the new Political scene and the differences between smalland large businesses. Heero and Trowa nodded when they needed to - somehowpaying attention to two conversations at once and I watched them. All of thembut mostly Heero and Wufei. They'd loosened up a lot since the last war. Ialso got a call from Karl and he was the proud father of a little girl. Motherand daughter were doing as well as could be expected given the circumstances, Iwas glad for him.
Around nine, after another wonderful meal and much Heero and Wufei watching, Iexcused myself, and went out to take a look at Q's car. Rashid came with me andafter an hour of narrowing down the possibilites we pinpointed the problem. Unfortunately, to replace the damaged part, we had to remove the engine andsince I had to do that any way I decided to clean it as well. Rashid left atabout midnight and I finished up about two hours later.
Somewhere around 3 in the morning, after a very hot and soapy shower, I crawledinto bed. Intent on staying there. Unfortunately, what I intend and whathappens doesn't always agree.
*******************************
My cell phone went off at five in the morning. Carson, the head mechanic, wasshort-staffed and needed an extra set of hands. The only person, still in town,who had the day off was - you guessed it - me.
The shift started at six a.m. and went till two in the afternoon. I could havesaid no but Carson had done everything he could to let people have time off forChristmas and it would have worked out if one of his mechanics hadn't come downwith the flu. It would have been miserable of me to make everyone suffer justso that I could get some more beauty sleep... so I went in, worked and on mylunch break I called Quatre to tell him I would be a bit late because I wastaking care of a few things. If I'd told him I was working I would never havehad time to inhale a quick sandwich before I went back to work, and working onlittle sleep and an empty stomach isn't a good idea.
I kept an extra set of clothes in my locker at HQ for situations like the one Iwas in then and I changed into them after I used the shower in the locker room. They were on the verge of being 'club clothes'. The jeans were tight - like asecond skin - with holes fraying through the fabric at bothe knees and the backof both thighs. The shirt was red mesh and I couldn't find anything else in thelocker. (I'd cleaned it out and unfortunately, I'd completely forgotten aboutit.) Thankfully I still had my leather jacket to throw over it. It meant thatI wouldn't freeze in the snow on the way to Cat's. The others probably wouldn'teven notice my attire and if they did they would probably assume that I wasdoing laundry. After all, they'd all seen me in worse and less during the wars.
**************************
I was surprised to see it was a guys day when I got to the mansion. Well, guysminus Zechs who'd been called in by Une before I'd gotten there. The girls hadgone baby shopping with Noin for the day. The kid wouldn't be born for anotherfour months but it already had more stuff than I'd managed to accummulate in mywhole life. I wasn't sure whether I should be happy for, worried for or jealousof the child. I chose happy for but the other two still crept up onme sometimes.
Anyway, I go there to find myself alone with the other four pilots, who haddecided to have a DDR (Dance Dance Revolution) competition. From what I managedto gather from Rashid as he escorted me to the den - Quatre had become a bitaddicted to it during the first war when the Maganacs had gotten him to playwith them. From that point he'd managed to get the other pilot's hooked, exceptfor me, the time I was with him in the desert it had been broken.
Yet stomething else I couldn't share with them. So as Rashid left with myjacket I sat down in a chair near the door, leaned back silently and decided tospend the time watching the others bend, flex and sweat. Most people wouldn'ttorture themselves but perhaps I was just happy I was still able to enjoy thatmuch. I might not be the main part of their lives but I was a partof their lives and I was damn well going to enjoy it as long as it lasted. Iwas all too aware of how quickly I could lose them and it wasn't just death, ohno... countless things and combinations of things could do it. Hell, thisdepressed shit was getting... well... damn depressing.
"Duo?" I nearly jumpe dout of my sking but few people would have noticed becauseI didn't show it. Unfortunately, Wufei would have noticed and he was the onekneeling in front of me. He was so close that my heart doubled it's alreadyfrantic pace and I had to mentally scold myself again, 'Not yours, don't eventhink it. Hands off.' "What's wrong?"
How many times were people going to ask me that blasted question? Despitemyself I found myself glaring at him and my anger surged towards the surfaceeven as I tried to beat it back into it's cage. "What do you care?" It was coldand I had no idea where it had come from but I was tired, upset and lonely and Icouldn't seem to get any of my control back.
He seemed upset and a tiny part of me was glad that he hurt a little. "I carebecause we're friends."
"Friends." It came out hard like a his and the anger I was feeling wasn't goingto go away. I had to get out of there before I destroyed so much that therewouldn't be anything left for me to fix later . I pushed of the chair, more thanthankful that the others were still busy with their DDR competition.
I turned to leave but he caught my arm as I did and my whole body tensed andShinigami was pushing at the edges. I'd managed to avoid having to really usehim for nearly a year and I suddenly felt the need to use him against one of mybest friends and one of the two I would have sold my soul to be involved with insome small way. Wufei's smart, he must have sensed it, yet he didn't let go."Duo, what's wrong?"
He should have kept quiet but he hadn't and my emotions, which were tired ofbeing repressed, surged and with them so did Shinigami. I turned very slowly tolook at him. "Let go Chang." He flinched but I think it was largely due to theuse of his last name. I never called any of them by their full or last namesunless I was pissed about something they'd done.
I had to give him credit he's a brave and stubborn man. He held his ground."Not until you tell me what's wrong Duo."
I met his dark gaze and smiled. I t wasn't one of my smiles, it was Shinigami's- in it's full manic glory. Then I hit him. It wasn't a love tap but it wasn'teven close to what I could do. He hadn't been expecting it so hestumbled backwards a step, releasing my arm in the process.
Unfortunately, it gained the attention of the others. They were suddenly there,all three standing near Wufei who had a hand on his jaw in disbelief. He hadn'tthought I would hit him, didn't occure to him at all. I almost felt likelaughing. We hadn't been 'together' in a long time and right in front of me wasthe visual representation. The four of them on one side, me on the other. Itwas funny but suddenly I didn't feel like laughing any more, my eyes burned andI new that I didn't have long before I teared up, something I would do without adoubt if I stayed where I was. So I did what I do best - I ran.
***********************
I didn't run far, just to the garage where my motorcycle was but I'd barely satdown on it before Quatre had handcuffed my front wheel. Thankfully, he appearedto be the only one who had followed me. He didn't try to come any closer to me,just stood there calmly near front tire as if nothing had just happened. "Do youwant to talk Duo?"
Which was actually Quatrese for 'You're going to talk before I let you leave,the easy way or the hard way, doesn't matter. You're going to talke before yougo even if I have to go Zero on your ass.' I could have argued with him orremained stubborn about the whole thing but I already knew that I wouldn't win. We'd be there until we sprouted roots if I tried to out-wait him because no onewas as stubborn as Quatre, not even a smoldering dragon by the name of ChangWufei. And, if I was honest with myself, I wanted to tell him. A year ofholding it all in because I had no one I could really talk to had done moredamage than I had let myself believe.
So it happened that one moment I was sitting rigidly on my motorcycle staringdefiantly at Quatre and the next my strength left me entirely and I would havefallen if he hadn't caught me. At first all I could do was gaze dully at him ashe pulled me off the bike and onto the floor with him but them he spoke again inhis soft voice and that was all it took. "Talk to me Duo. Pleasetalk to me."
"Words can destroy as surely as actions Quatre. If I tell you, you can't tellany one else. If you do..." I shuddered so violently that my teeth clinkedtogether and he tightened his arms his arms around me.
"Okay. Now talk to me. Duo, what's going on?"
"I'm alone Q. So alone, I should be used to it by now but I'm not and seeingall of you so happy without me..." My voice broke and he pulled me closer,turning me so that my back was flush against his chest and I didn't have to lookat him as I spoke. "I'm glad for you guys, I really am Q. I swear it but itstill leaves me the odd man out and I don't really understand why. I mean, Iknow I can be annoying with how I talk too much and never sit still among otherthings, but I still don't understand why I wasn't good enough for any of you. Ilove all of you but it wouldn't have taken much for me to fall inlove with any of you if you'd just shown some interest but none of youdid and I wasn't sure I should take the chance because I couldn't afford toloose anyone else - not because I was selfish and greedy. I'm happy to takewhat I can get."
I found myself laughing at that and it wasn't an altogether sane sound. "That'snot really true, is it? If it was I wouldn't be in your garage telling youthis. I shouldn't be anyway because all it's going to do is cause problems andtension." I laughed again. "Can you imagine what would happen if the othersfound out that I'd ever had 'designs' on them. They'd never trust me alone withtheir partners again. As it is, I think you're going to be watching me like ahawk whenever I'm near 'Lena and any time I touch you you're probably going towonder if I'm trying to make a move on you . And if Heero and Wufei had any idea how often I watched the two of them, I'd be dead. Oh, would Ibe dead. I'm very careful though. I don't let myself do anything that could beseen as inappropriate, I'd rather die than hurt any of you like that - you know,it would have been for the best if I had; died, I mean. If I had, this wouldn'tbe a problem and our friendship wouldn't be in danger now... but I screwed upand lived and now I've really done it. I thought I was alone before but it'llbe worse soon. You said okay when I asked you not to say anything but as afriend to the others you sort of have to tell them and when you do they'll neverwant to see me again. Any of them. I just don't know when to stop, do I? Ihave something better than I could have hoped for and I go and let my stupidemotions get the better of me because I'm a little tired and I blow up at Wufeiover seomthing that's not even his fault just because I felt left out because Ididn't know how to play a stupid game! I really am a complete idiot." I startedlaughing again because it struck me as entirely too funny and then I was crying. Crying so hard I couldn't breathe right. Quatre moved me so that he could letme cry into his chest and rub my back, which made it easier to breathe.
I wasn't in a hurry to pull away because I knew that it would be the last timeany of the others would ever let me so close and I wanted to hang onto is aslong as I could. I needed it to help me through whatever amount of time I hadleft in the living. So of course my cell phone rang.
I pulled away from Q but didn't dare look at him as I answered it. "Maxwellhere." Points for me, my voice was steady.
"Duo, it's Une. I need you here for a new mission."
"When do you need me there Lady?"
"As of ten minutes ago."
"Okay. I'm on my way Une."
"Make it quick."
I hung up and avoided looking at Quatre as I got to my feet and waved at thehandcuffs still locked around my front tire. "Une needs me Quatre. It'simportant so I really need you to unlock those."
"I'll unlock them on one condition Duo. As soon as Une is done with you I wantyou to come back here so we can talk this out. There's a lot we really have to discuss."
I tried not to shudder as I nodded in agreement. I owed them the opportunity totell me how truly dispicable I really was before they severed all ties with me."Alright."
He unlocked my wheel and I wasted no time getting out of there.
*****************************
The mission should have been easy. Not the use of 'should have'. It was thesame place I'd infiltrated for Karl only three days ago. It seemed that theyhad needed extra information, information that had been on a different system ina different location.
Getting in was cake, getting the info was simple but on my way out I ran into acouple of problems. A couple of problems with big guns . They weren't exactlywilling to invite me to tea but they were more than happy to use meas target practice. They also had fairly good arim for hired help. Unfortunately for me, the system with the info on it hadn't let me send copiesto the guys' e-mail accounts so there was just the one copy.
I eluded the enthusiatic guards easily enough and found myself, fifteen minuteslater, standing at Quatre's front door - trying to stay conscious and keep myblood where it belonged - inside me. I really didn't enjoy having bulletwounds, they hurt like a bitch.
Rashid had already retired for the night and it had been Quatre who had buzzedme into the compound.
I had to lean against the door jam to stay standing until the door finallyopened. I was a little startled to see it was Heero - I'd expected Quatre.
My clothes were black so I wasn't surprised that he'd missed my injuries atfirst glance. He would smell it eventually - the distinct metallic smell thatwas blood - but not while I was outside with the faint breeze and the winterchill to hide it. Something about him was off and I knew beyond a doubt that heknew. That wasn't importnat though, the disk was, but he spokebefore I could.
"The others are in the den." He turned and left me there but somehow I found theenergy to walk into the house and shut the door. I avoided the rugs, no need tounnecessarily stain them, Quatre and Relena would never get them clean again. Ishould have gone to HQ and given the disk to someone there but it had been toofar - I wouldn't have made it.
I moved slowly into the den to find everyone there. I almost felt likelaughing, there was pity in the eyes of those who dared to look at me. Dying inthe war would have at least saved me from this humiliation.
Wufei stood, mouth opening to talk but I cut him off, focusing instead on Zechs,who was still in his uniform. I threw the disk at him, he caught it easily,though he seemed a bit confussed. "Give that to Une please. It's what sheneeded."
I started to turn and found myself on my knees, coughing up blood. It becameeven more painful to breathe and I hadn't thought that that was possible.
They manuevered me and I found Sally above me using scissors to cut away myblack jacket and shirt. Once she did I heard her curse - she rarely did that.To much of a lady.
Her hands reached rowards my chest but I grabbed them weakly and she looked atme. I smiled though blood dribbled from the side of my mouth as I did. "S'okaySally. I'm not afraid. Never supposed ta live this long anyhow."
She frowned and I would have tried to make her see that it was really for thebest but I started coughing again and I found it impossible to breathe. Ithurt. All I could feel was pain and then I felt nothing at all. I brieflywondered what it would be like in hell when I got there.
*************************
I woke up to the humming of machines, a sore throat, a dry mouth and a chestthat felt like a gorilla had used it as a drum.
Nothing made sense but a hand gripped mine tightly and I turned my head towardsit though I only really moved my eyes because my head seemed stuck in place. Isaw Fei. He looked tired. Next to him was Ro and he didn't look any better. Itried to smile but a tube was in my mouth and I didn't have the energy to tryand pull it out.
Wufei rubbed my hand with his fingers but Heero didn't seem to mind so I didn'ttry to pull my hand back. They both smiled at me in that wasy that made methink it would have been how a ghost smiled, there but not quite. It didn'ttouch the worry in their eyes though. Something was wrong. I made a smallmovement in an attempt to push myself furth up in bed but Wufei's hand tightenedon mine. "Rest Duo. It's alright. Everything's going to be alright. I... wepromise."
I didn't want to sleep but the suggestion of rest locked onto me and didn't letgo.
***************************
The next time I woke up there were fewer machines and the tube was gone - thoughmy throat was still incredibly sore and my mouth felt like the Sahara Desert hadtaken up occupancy.
"Duo?"
I blinked as I moved my head very slowly to the right. I found the seatoccupied by Relena.
Trying to speak, I soon discovered, to be a very bad idea. ButRelena helped me drink some water and that changed my croak into a rasp."'Lena?"
She smiled but she looked incredibly tired. "It's okay Duo. You're in thehospital. You were shot twice."
Shit! The disk... "Disk...?"
"Zechs got it to Une."
"How long?" Damn, it was hard to talk.
"Two weeks." She must have seen my surprise because she elaborated. "You were ina mild coma. Your lung collapsed but they've managed to fix it. The otherbullet caused internal bleeding and damage but they managed to repair all of it. You lost a lot of blood... you almost died four times. Twice on the way to thehospital, once in emergency and once when you were in surgery. The doctors saythat you're one of the luckiest, and strongest people they've ever seen."
My eyes started to close and she kissed my cheek lightly. "It's okay Duo. Go tosleep. Everything's going to be alright now."
So I did, not much choice, my eyelids chose for me.
**********************
The next time I woke up it was dark, no one was in my room and I had to go tothe bathroom really badly.
Moving slowly I managed to get my legs over the side of the bed, careful not topull my I.V. I then had to pause because my energy was flagging. It was goingto be hard to get to the bathroom for all that it was six feet away. At least Ididn't have to worry about other patients getting in the way - the joys ofprivate rooms.
It took me a while but I made it. You get used to managing difficult tasks onyour own, when there's no one to help you.
Of course, even after I finished with my business, I ended up sitting on thetoilet just trying to convince my body to listen to me again for about tenminutes. Eventually it worked and I got back to my bed comletely exhausted andwishing I could get a chest and abdominal trasplant. I was a big walking 'ouch'.
I'd just managed to setlle myself again when the door opened and Trowa walkedin. It's funny what you're able to forget, like life-altering mistakes, but I'dforgotten everything about the 'talk' that Quatre and I had had until I sawTrowa. What can I say, I panicked. I shot into a sitting position and nearlyblacked out from pain.
He was by my side in seconds - I hadn't known that he was capable of moving thatfast. "Duo, don't move." His voice was calm as he lowered me back onto the bed.
If I had been thinking I would have avoided the discussion altogether but Iwasn't - thinking that is. "Quatre told you."
He smoothed the blanket over me as he spoke. "Actually, we overheard you andQuatre talking."
I forgot to breathe for a moment. "Heero and Wufei..."
"They were with me. They heard everything."
I suddenly realized why I'd managed to live. I'd lived so that Heero and Wufeicould kill me for indecent thoughts about them. "Oh god, why couldn't I havejust died?"
I wasn't expecting it when Trowa grabbed my shoulders and gave me a sharp shake. His green eyes locked onto me and I couldn't look away. "Don't say that. Wealmost lost you four times, five if you count the coma. If you had any ideawhat that was like for us..." His voice broke slightly and I felt like a bit ofa heel.
"I didn't mean it like that Tro, it's just that I expected all of you to beangry - especially Fei and Ro. I mean, finding out someone you consider a friendis or was hot for your body tends to make most people go over everything theyremember and see normal, innocent things differently. Not to mention the wholeterritorial thing." My voice almost didn't hold out until the end by the time Iwas done it sounded as if I'd been chewing on gravel for the last hour.
Trowa's reaction was to stare at me impassively, though he did seem a bitshocked. "You thought we'd be angry at you?"
I swallowed to get moisture to my throat. "Actually, I'm sort of waiting to geta lecture on how greedy, selfish and perverted I am before you slap me andleave."
Considering that I really was expecting that I was shocked when he pulled meinto a tight hug, though he was careful only to put pressure on my shoulders. Iwas a little startled to find that the should of my hospital gown felt damp. Icouldn't ever remember seeing Trowa cry. I knew I should say something but Icouldn't think of anything to say. I could barely bring myself to give his armsa pat in return for the hug. I didn't actually hug him though, with what he'doverheard that would just mean trouble. Trouble that I really didn't need. Westayed like that for about five minutes before he finally pulled back and rubbedhis eyes slightly.
When he spoke he sounded like he had something caught in his throat. "You reallydo think we'd do that, that I'd do that to you. Why?"
I wanted to look away; to change the subject or something but I couldn't. Icouldn't look away and I couldn't not answer him. "We've drifted apart Tro, allof us have... well, you've drifted away from me and I've somehow allowed it tohappen. You have lives now and I... well, I don't. All I have is work andwatching the rest of you enjoy something I never will."
"You can find someone..."
"Who? Who Trowa? I wake up from nightmares every time I'm able to sleep morethan five hours at a time! A normal person wouldn't be safe in the same houseas me, let alone the same bed!"
"But what about your other lovers?"
"What other lovers? I'm a fucking virgin Barton!" He stared at me wide-eyed andI glared back at him. "None of you even noticed that I was never dating orspending time with anyone other than people at work. Everyone I know is eithera friend or an acquaintance! I tried dating others when I realizedyou had all paired off and it didn't work because no one understood; they wantedme to talk about it! Some of it I can't talk about and theycouldn't accept that. They couldn't let it go! So I tried to sleep withsomeone, a guy I met at a bar but I couldn't... I couldn't relax. My head kepttelling me I was in enemy territory! There isn't anyone for me! Even your sister and Une have someone and other soliders, even if they'rePreventers, are still the 'enemy' to me when it comes to trying to get thatclose to them." By the time I finished I was shaking and my chest ached. Ineeded to calm down, I knew I had to but I couldn't... I couldn't breathe.
Everything blurred after that. Medical staff came and went and eventually thepain eased and I slept.
**********************
The next time I woke, light was streaming in the window and Heero was watchingme intently from a chair near my bed. He gave me a sip of water and then jumpedinto the fire, skipping the frying pan entirely.
"Why didn't you tell Wufei or I that you were attracted to us?"
I fought back a sigh and then thought 'what the fuck', might as well get thisover with. "Because you were together."
"But you desired us before that?"
I closed my eyes tightly. "Yes."
"When?"
"Does it matter."
"Yes."
I really did sigh then, he wasn't going to make this easy on me at all. "Fromwhen I first met you. I've been attracted to all of you at one time or anotherbut my attraction to the others faded over time... but it never faded when itcame to you and Fei, if anything it got worse."
"Why didn't you tell us then?"
I opened my eyese to stare at him. "We were at war Yuy! I expected to die atany moment and as I recall you and Chang were pretty big on the 'mission first'concept. It took all I had just to get it to the point where the two of youconsidered me as more of a friends instead of just an ally."
He flinched when I'd said Yuy but I couldn't bring myself to care. "What aboutafter the last war ended, before Wufei and I got together?"
"You'd disappeared and any time I spoke to Wufei all he'd talk about wasPreventers and Sally. For the longest time I'd had the impression that he andSally had a romantic thing going. Even if I hadn't, I wouldn't have made anymove on either of you."
He raised an eyebrow in slight confusion. "Why not?"
"Because you made it quite clear that you could barely stand me! I was luckyyou still allowed me to be your friend! I didn't want to be kicked out of yourlives for pushing for something I could never have."
He watched me silently for about five minutes. "What about now?"
I stared at him and suddenly felt like crying but I fought it back. "I stillwant both of you. Now leave."
He looked at me in surprise. "Duo..."
I grabbed the first thing I could reach - the jug of water - and hurled itweakly at him. The bastard caught it. "Leave!" I screamed it but he didn't looklike he was going to leave until a nurse came in and made him. He turned tolook at me intently before he did. "Wufei and I'll be back to talk later."
To hell with that!
*****************************
I waited until the nurse had done her duty in calming me down. Then I slippedout of the room, moving in a way that made me grit my teeth so hard they feltlike they were going to crack. I secured civilian clothing and cash from alocker in an 'employees only' changeroom. Got a cab and was on my way to were Ihad a emergency evac kit stored. It it was a duffle bag with extra clothes,papers and money. I picked it up and place a quick phonecall to Howard from apayvid. I wouldn't be accepting his offer but I was going to hang low for awhile. Thankfully, Howard knew better than to ask questions.
I waited until the shuttle was about to take off before I called Une to informher that I was taking a personal leave for an indefinite period of time and thatI would contact her later to give her a secured number where she could reach meshould she need to. She wouldn't tell the others, she promised and I knew she'dkeep her word.
************************
I was only with Howard a few days before Heero and Wufei tracked me down for our'talk'. They tailed Howard's ship for two days after that before I finallyrelented and told Howard to let them board. I figured I might as well get itover with.
I was waiting in Howard's unused conference room when one of the sweepers showedthem in and damn if they didn't look even better than I'd last seen them. I wasbeginning to seriously believe that I was entirely hopeless.
The two of them stood rigidly just inside the door. They looked souncomfortable that I considered letting them suffer until I realized that thesilence in the room was started to make me fidgety as well. Sighing I leanedback in my chair. "Alright. If you've come this far to kick my ass you might aswell get it over with."
That seemed to throw them for a loop for some reason. And theconfusion they felt was obvious when Wufei spoke. "You think we're here to harmyou?"
"Why else would you be here?"
They were both watching me intently, answering me at the same time, theycouldn't have done it better if they'd planned it. "To bring you back with us."
My answer was to simply stare at them stupidly.
They exchanged a glance and Wufei shrugged. " Actions sometimes speak louderthan words..."
Seconds later Wufei's mouth was on mine and before I was able to get a coherentthought through my head I was responding. It wasn't a perfect kiss . It was alittle too desperate and needy but it felt wonderful - even if my own lips feltfar too clumsy for it.
He pulled away and I followed in an attempt to keep our lips together . To pullhim closer. His hands were gentle as he held me just out of reach and I openedmy eyes to look at him - I didn't remember closing them. That's when I sawHeero at the door and I nearly choked at how pathetic I was. I kissed Wufei:I'd crossed the line when I'd told Quatre I never had and implied that I neverwould.
The worst thing was that I couldn't do anything but sit there like the lying,back-stabbing, betraying waste of flesh I was.
I didn't notice Heero had moved until he was kneeling in front of me. "Duo?" Heused his fingers to gently rub my cheeks and I realized that I was crying.
"Heero I'm so sorry. It's my fault, I took advantage of Fei. I betrayed both ofyou... I'm so sorry. So sorry."
Then he kissed me and it was even more desperate than Wufei's had been. When hepulled away I knew I was doing a remarkable impression of a landed fish.
Heero watched me a moment before nodding in satisfaction. "It's time you stoprunning and started listening to what we have to say. First of all, I was notdispleased in the slightest to see you and Wufei together, in actuallity, Ienjoyed seeing that very much and would like to see it as often as possible."
"The same goes for me Duo. You and Heero together are a sight only anextraordinarily lucky individual would be allowed to see."
I couldn't help but smile at Wufei. "I didn't know you were a romantic."
He lifted a hand to cress my face. "There is much the three of us have to learnabout each other, and if you're willing we'll have plenty of time to learneverything we could ever wish to know."
"If I'm willing?" I felt like I was about ten steps behind in the conversation.
"To join us." They were both watching me as Heero said that and for a moment Iwanted to say yes despite knowing that they had to only be offering it to me outof pity. I really was desperate enough to want anything I could get from them,still I had some dignity left, very little but enough.
"So you see that pathetic little Duo is all alone and you're offering him a pityfuck." It didn't come out angry or filled with supreme righteousness, as Iwould have hoped. It just sounded tired and resigned.
"No!"
"Of course not!"
I did my impression of a land-bound fish yet again. The way their voicessounded touched something inside me that kindled a small but ardent spark ofhope . They'd sounded both horrified and worried.
It would have been comical to watch them stumble over themselves in an attemptto explain, if my heart and sanity weren't entirely dependant on what they weresaying.
"That's not it at all Duo!" Wufei seemed to lose his words for a moment afterthat and Heero picked up the conversation.
"The answers you gave me at the hospital are similar to our reasons behind this. The two of us were attracted to both you and each other from nearly thebeginning of the war but our beliefs and training were very specific aboutrelationships of a personal nature . We saw such relationships as a danger ofwhat we were attempting to do so we did our best to push others away. Only itdidn't work, we found our lives suddenly complicated by friendships. Anoccurence that neither of us was prepared for . After the wars we soughtdirection..."
Wufei coughed slightly as his cheeks reddened. "I chose wrongly after the firstwar, so after the second I was thankful for the opportunity to join Preventers-mostly in the hopes of righting past wrongs and I focused on that task rathersingle-mindedly. I didn't believe I deserved the chance to seek a deeperrelationship with either you or Heero and I was quite willing to believe thatthere was more between you and Hilde or Heero and Relena than there truly was."
Heero had reached over to take his hand, I noticed that the hand he took wasWufei's weaker hand so that he wouldn't hamper Wufei should he need to get hisgun, some habit died hard - I should know, I had a number of them myself. "Ihad to be certain that Relena was safe. If she died the peace would have fallenapart - I also had begun to consider her as a friend and I wasn't fond of thepossibility of her bing assassinated. Once I joined Preventers I realized whatWufei was doing and took the chance of asking him to begin a more intimaterelationship with me . Like him, I believed there was more between you and Hildeand when I found out otherwise... I was afraid to risk what I had, to gaineverything I wish for so I did nothing."
Wufei bowed his head and a few strands of dark hair escaped his ponytail andfell into his face. "As did I but then we heard what you said to Quatre andwe'd begun to think about the possibilities, though it wasn't until that eveningwhen you came back and c-collapsed that we spoke of it to one another. Therewas just s-so much blood and when you s-said..." His voice cracked so he stoppedand Heero finished it for him.
"You said that you weren't afraid and that you were never supposed to live thislong anyway... we realized how stupid we were. We allowed ourselves to lose youonce and it took almost loosing you entirely to make us realize that it wasworth the risk. You were worth the risk."
Wufei took a deep breath and reached for my hand - grasping it tightly - as hemet my gaze. "Neither of us is offering perfection Duo, it takes work to makethings like this happen, but we are asking you to give a relationship with us achance. To give us a chance. If you do and you stick with us we promise thatthings will be better."
Damn it if I didn't believe them but there was something I needed to know. "Whatabout the others?"
Heero shrugged. "Sally told us she would make sure every medical examine we hadfor the rest of our lives was painful and embarassing if we hurt you . Quatresaid that if we hurt his 'brother' we wouldn't like the consequences, he told usthat with a smile that reminded me uncomfortably of zero. Hilde swore she'dsick Dorothy on us if we didn't make you happy - and Dorothy was cleaning hernails with a knife as she told us that. Relena... she was quite explicit in whatwould happen should we hurt you as well. I hadn't realized she had such wordsin her vocabulary. Trowa didn't say anything but he gave us a 'look' that spokevolumes. Noin cornered us and reminded us that she was an MS pilot and eventhough she was pregnant she was still quite capable of operating one and Zechsgave as a lecture for five hours on responibilities of a gentleman in arelationship."
I blinked at him in surprise and then shook my head. "Er, that's not what Imeant."
Heero frowned. "What about them then?"
"How do they feel about my, er, confession?"
"They were upset with themselves for not realizing how upset you were. They wereeven more distressed after you were hospitalized and Trowa..."
He trailed off and I had to prod him into finishing. "Trowa what?"
"Trowa is extremely upset. Sally had to give him a sedative."
I stared at Heero and then at Wufei for comfirmation. "Oh lord... I have to talkto him..."
Wufei nodded, "Yes, but not just him - everyone. And you can do so at theChristmas party."
I blinked at him. "That was... well, it was a while ago... wasn't it?"
"We post-poned it. It's in a week, and you can speak with them then. Now,however, you need to give us an answer. Do you or do you not wish to enter intoa... how did Dorothy put it... ah yes, a hot, humid and hunk-filled threesomewith us?"
He siad it with such a straight face that I couldn't help but smile. "If you'rewilling to try, I am."
The two of them proceeded to steal my breath away with some rather inventiveuses of their lips and tongues. Then when I could barely remember my Gundam'sname Heero pulled back smiling like the bloody Cheshire Cat. "Good."
*****************************
Well, for the next week they sequestered me away in a beach house of Quatre's -no one was there except the three of us. It was strange at first because I wasso used to avoiding 'intimate' or 'unseemly' exchanges with them that I tensedup every time they did anything that went beyond the acceptable 'friendshipzone' but they were patient and understanding and by the third day I was able tofully relax as we made out but they never took it to the next level. I wasgetting a little frustrated by it. If it weren't for the Christmas party keepingmy imagination occupied in stomach-knoting ways I would have pulled my hair outin frustration. Well, maybe not - the two of them seemed to like my hair agreat deal.
By the day of the party I was almost back to my old self, almost fully healed. I really did love all the advances they were making in medical science, not tomention my quick recuperating ability. Still I knew it was going to be a bitawkward and strained when I got to the party and that made it hard to rest andeat properly through Heero and Wufei had interesting techniques to make sure Igot plenty of sleep and food. It seemed a rather amazing fact that both couldcook and give amazing massages, especially since I could do neither. Course it wasn't perfect; Heero snored unless he cuddled, Wufei never put histowels in the hamper and I, apparently, left too much hair in the drain but Icould live with all of those quirks so long as I got to go to sleep with themeach night and wake up with them each morning.
*****************************
Heero drove us to Quatre's in his car, absolutely refusing to let me ride mymotorcycle for at least another week but I didn't mind because it was sort ofnice to have someone looking after me. Though I'd deny it if anyone asked -even on pain of torture.
We got to the house fine and Rashid greeted us as if nothing was different, wellexcept for his enthusiastically clasping my shoulder when he told me he washappy to see me. Heero and Wufei had managed to convince me to stay the nightat Quatre's with them so Rashid happily took our over-night bags and passed themto Abdul, one of the other Maganacs, to take to the rooms we would be stayingin. That done I found myself being gently tugged into the living room. I hadbeen expecting to have everyone acknowledge me in a reserved way. And I washighly disappointed in my expectations because no sooner did I step foot in theroom then I was overwhelmed by the others. Oh, they were careful of anyinjuries I migh thave retained, but I got a hug from everyone - including Zechsand Dorothy, which surprised me a bit because, though I like them and consideredthem friends, they treated me much as they first had . Zechs was reserved withme and Dorothy was saracastically hostile.
The evening was interesting but there was a tension in the air that remainedthrough supper and opening presents . I was surprised to see that every gift Igot had had a great deal of thought put into it. It showed how well they reallyknew me, though my favorites, were the collapsable scythe Quatre got me, thethrowing knives Trowa and Catherine gave me and the photo album Wufei and Heerohad put together.
The photo album had pictures of everyone and everything from the Gundams to theSweepers and Maganacs. They'd put a lot of effort into it because the photoswere from before, during and after the wars. They'd even managed to find one ofSister Helen and Father Maxwell - though it was a bit blurred and out of focus.The others seemed surprised and happy for the things I'd gotten them and whenall the gifts had been opened and everyone began splitting into smaller groups Ifound out the reason for the tension that had underlied the evening.
One by one the others sot me out so that we were alone. It started with Dorothy- she treated me much the same way she always did but before she left sheinformed me that she'd made a bet with Hilde that I would live to be at least ahundred and two and that if I put the bet in jeopardy she'd make me pay severelyin ways I wouldn't be able to fathom. Others did much the same thing, talked tome normally for ten or fifteen minutes before they said something that made mespeechless before they left me so the next person could talk to me. Others,like Relena, alternated between lecturing or reprimanding me and emotionallytelling me what an idiot I was and how much they all cared about me. Wufei andHeero weren't involved because they'd already said and done what they needed to.
The strangest encounter I had was the last with Trowa. For ten minutes we juststood staring at each other before he spoke and I answered.
"Walk?"
"Sure."
Coats on, the two of us stepped out into Quatre's snow and Christmas lightcovered garden and for anothe rten minutes we walked in silence. Then abruptlyhe stopped . I didn't realize he had until I was a few steps ahead of him, butwhen I did I turned back to see him standing with his head bowed. When helooked up there was something in his face and eyes that I couldn't put a name tobut in that moment I felt as if I'd found something I'd never known I'd lost. With Quatre I'd known him to be a brother of my heart the moment we'd met. True, I'd found him physically appealing but that hadn't changed what I'd knownand felt.
With Trowa, he'd always seemed a kindred spirit, somone I could count on if Ineeded to. Someone who would protect me but at the same time I'd never sensedthat he might want the same from me. Looking at him as the snow fell around usand our breath froze in the air, I knew. I knew he needed me, that I had givenhim some form of protection during the war. I saw that I'd been granted notjust one brother but a second, in Trowa, and he needed me as much as I neededhim.
Slowly I opened my arms to him in invitation. He blinked and then ran the twosteps between us, throwing himself into my arms. For the next while all we didwas cling to each other and be thankful that we could.
**************************
Heero and Wufei found me shortly after we got back inside and took me upstairsto our room. I was somewhat glad to get away from the others because thingsweren't helaed between us yet; though, thankfully they were better and that wasa start. Once in our room I excused myself to take a shower - and plan. Tonight when we fooled around I wasn't going to be happy if they stopped itwhere they tended to.
They knew I was a virgin because Trowa had felt the need to set everyonestraight concerning my 'love live or lack thereof' and they'd been treating meas a virgin - a naive virgin - because of it. I wasn't upset aboutthe virgin part but I took a great deal of offense at the naivepart. I grew up on the streets and trained among Sweepers, I may not have donethe actual act but I was 'fully' educated on all the aspects. It was trying toge tthe thick-skulled duo to realize it that not only gave me a headache butkept me perpetually frustrated.
So I pulled plan A out of my duffle bag when I was done in the shower andchanged into it in the bathroom. There was a good reason peoplethought I was premisquous. That reason had a lot to do with theoutfits I worse to the bar - one of which was plan A.
My hair was loose and dry, I'd made sure not to get it wet in the shower. Mylips shone slightly from the bit of glass I'd placed on them and I used a bit ofblack eye shadow to draw attention to my eyes - I didn't need to use mascarabecause my eyelashes were already thick, long and dark. I wasn't fond of usingmake-up but it served to make a point when I needed to.
Around my neck was a simple black collar that attracted eyes to my throat. I hadon a tight, red t-shirt that ended just about my mid-drift. My black jeans wereequally as tight with stratigically placed rips, they showed a great deal ofskin but left all the vital parts covered - it was just enough to tantalize andtease. Hopefully it would be enough to push Heero and Wufei past their strangeneed for caution. I couldn't figure out wy they were tip-toeing around the ideaof sex and a part of me doubted what they'd told me because of it. Made methink that they weren't attracted to me at all and what they weredoing was out of pit or some false sense of responsibility. I tried not tothink like that but thoughts are as difficult as emotions are to control.
I ended up standing in front of the bathroom door and staring blankly at thedoorknowb as if the shiny piece of metall held all the answers I needed to makeeverything work out. Unfortunately, if it did, it decided to keep them toitself.
I half-thought I should just forget it all and let things work out as they wouldbut I'd already done that for a year and waiting another year forHeero and Wufei to finally do what I wanted would probably kill me throughfrustration and disappointment.
Tkaing a deep breath I left the bathroom and stepped into the bedroom to findHeero on his laptop and Wufei sitting on the bed, glasses perched on the end ofhis nose, as he focused on the drawing in his lap. He looked up as the doorclicked shut and I was satisfied when his jaw dropped. I reached deep into mymemories and brought those of my childhood to the front. I'd seen enoughstrippers and prostitutes move that I found it remarkably easy to imitate thesame style of graceful, sensual walk they had used as I moved silently towardsthe bed. Wufei swallowed hard and I found myself really starting to enjoy mylittle game. And poor Wufei didn't seem to know what to do.
It didn't take long for me to get to the edge of the bed and once I had I slowlylowered myself onto it and crawled to him, pausing only briefly to set hissketchpad and pencil in his bag before I straddled his lap and did my best tofog up his glasses with my kiss. One of his hands worked into my hair while theother cupped my ass.
I was dimly aware that the clacking of keys had stopped moments before the beddipped behind me. Firm lips moved against the back of my neck and I leaned backinto them even as I pulled Wufei closer to me. I loved the feeling of beingsurrounded by them, it made the lonliness and fear reside until it was just athin thread among the warmth they created.
Heero's lips moved up to my ear. "Why so dressed up?"
I pulled away from Wufei's lips, allowing him to place his glasses on the nighttable next to the bed. Leaning into Heero as he nibbled on my ear I answeredhim. "I'm your second present, you have to unwrap me before you can try me onbut don't worry I'm not wearing any underwear so you don't have too much tounwrap."
I looked up to see Wufei's eyes go wide as he stared at Heero, body rigid.Behind me I felt Heero tense and I had the answer to the question I hadn'twanted to ask. They had never really wanted me after all . I was about to make amad dash to the window for escape - it was closer then the door, I could justcrash through it without wasting time to open it and we only on the third floor- when two sets of arms tightened around me.
Heero's lips moved against my ear. "No Duo. Whatever you're thinking - don't. We don't want to return our 'present'. We want it very much but we don't wantto rush you into anything..."
I snapped just a bit. "How are you rushing me if I'm the oneoffering?" When I got really mad I got really quiet and the words came out as awhisper.
They were quiet for a moment before Wufei pulled back slightly so he could lookme in the eyes. "We wanted your first time to be memorable..."
I couldn' t help it I started laughing. It took a few moments before I couldspeak. "And you don't think that having sex with two of the sexiest people I'veever seen, after a late Christmas party following the month I've had won't be memorable? For crying out loud guys, I don't need rose petalson the bed..."
My words choked off as I saw Wufei's cheeks turn pink and I twisted in theirarms until I could see Heero's sheepish _expression. I was left utterlyspeechless until Heero's lips curved up in a wicked grin. "So you really want usto ravish you now."
I couldn't seem to form words any longer so I nodded my head instead. The lookHeero gave me could only have been described as preditory and heat spread frommy stomach downward as I saw it. I t didn't help my control at all when I saw anidentical _expression on Wufei.
I managed to keep track of whose hands were where at first but it didn't takelong before I was totally absorbed in the feeling of lips, hands and skinagainst me. My shirt disappeared early but my pants came off only after Wufeihad crawled up my body and somehow managed to unbutton and unsip my pants withonly his teeth. I knew at that moment that I was already lost, I'd never seen asexier sight except in the next moment when they peeled my pants from my bodysomewhat awkwardly and Heero took my erection into his mouth, eyes locked onmine as he did.
Together they moved me onto my side, Heero's mouth never loosing contact with myerection . I was so focused on what Heero was doing that I was surprised to feelsomething enter my ass. I hadn't been lying, I really did know a lot about sexbut for the life of me I couldn't get my body to relax.
"Relax Duo." Wufei's breath was soft on my ear as he spoke and I shuddered atthe feeling but it wasn't until Heero massaged my balls and suck 'hard' that mybody relaxed enough for Wufei to slip another finger into me. It felt strangebut not too uncomfortable so I managed to get myself to relax a bit as Heero'smouth worked steadily on my erection and Wufei's fingers scissored in my ass. Not long after a third finger was added and it burned, I started to pull awaywithout meaning to when Wufei pushed deeper and it something that made me gaspand push backwards onto his fingers in an attempt to hit it again and I did. Iforgot to breath and black dots danced through my vision. Dimly I was aware ofHeero's mouth leaving me but I was so focused on trying to feel that again thatit didn't seem to matter.
Strong hands grabbed my hips and held them steady. I'm pretty sure I'whimpered', no other word in my repertoire even came close to the sound thatescaped me.
"It's alright Duo, just hold on a moment."
That was Heero and he pulled away from me at the same time Wufei's fingers did. I tried to push my body against Wufei's and felt something firm, long and warmrub against my ass as I Wufei groaned but before I could try to manuver itinside me Wufei had pulled our bodies flush against each other and forced mychin up so I could see Heero. "Watch him Duo. Watch him fuck himself for you."
My brain short-circuited - Wufei... dirty talk... oh.... yeah. So I did what hetold me, I watched as Heero's fingers plunged rapidly, almost violently into hisown ass and what a shapely, fuckable ass it was...
He didn't take much time to prep himself before he was crawling back onto thebed, remaining on his hands and knees - ass to me. I don't know if I would havehad the strength to get to my knees and enter him if Wufei hadn't guided me andwhen I was inside Heero I wasn't sure if I wanted to move or just stay thereforever. That changed quickly when I felt Wufei enter me. It burned; he wasdefinitely bigger and longer than his fingers but when he pulled out slightlyand thrust forward into me, pushing me further into Heero. I completely forgotthe pain.
It was awkward at first but in the end I sort of just kneeled there as Wufeifucked me and Heero fucked himself on me. Then my world exploded and I knew atthat moment that it would never be perfect but it would be and thatwas all I had ever wanted.