Gundam Wing Fan Fiction ❯ Through The Eyes ❯ Runaway ( Chapter 2 )

[ T - Teen: Not suitable for readers under 13 ]

Disclaimer: I don't own Gundam Wing or anyone in it…I know who does, but it sure ain't me.

Runaway

I will cut again tonight. I already know that. I can feel the cycle coming on. I've finally found the pattern, but it really does me no good. I will still do it. I am a helpless observer to the ravages that I will do to myself once again.

So I wait. Wait till the time is right and I can watch the crimson flow down my pale flesh. So cleansing. So pure. Odd how I can think of my blood as pure, when I am so tainted. But to me it is. It's the only pure thing left in me. Or on, as it will be.

I've noticed how here on Earth, the blood seems to flow so much easier. I guess it must be the gravity. But then shouldn't that make it clot faster too? I've actually debated this myself many times. Morbid, I know, but when you're stuck out in the blackness of space, you have to occupy your mind with something, or go nuts. As if I am not already.

But no one else seems to notice. Maybe it's the cold front I put forward. The distance I try to keep from them all. All of them, Even Maxwell, are so good at what they do. I never seem to do well enough. Maybe that's just in my own mind, but isn't that where it counts?

I am sure that Yuy, despite himself, would laugh if he knew. I am a weak excuse for a man and a warrior. I know I do not deserve to be counts as one equal to him. He is, as many have called him, perfect.

Sally shoots me another look. Guess I fidgeted again. A real rookie thing to do. I am better than that. I am a top agent in an elite force. I must look like such a child in her eyes. She keeps trying to get me to go back to school. And as much as I'd like to, I do not know how I could go back to such a life.

Too much blood on my hands to ever be the scholar again. But there is no solder in my soul. It is a dishonor to the memory of my clan, but despite the dishonor, I live on. I am by no means suicidal. That would be a greater dishonor. The coward's way out. I am no coward.

Yet I run to my blades. I run to their comfort and to their punishment. I just keep on running away. Even as I plant my feet and stand here at attention, I am running. And I do not know where I am going.