Gundam Wing Fan Fiction ❯ To See You Again ❯ Hold On ( Chapter 50 )

Chapter 50: Hold On

 

xoxoxox

 

In the weeks that followed our visit to the prison, Duo steadily tried to become his old self again. It wasn't that he had a hard time being himself. It was as if, he didn't know how he could act around people any more. He trusted me. Gods, how he trusted me with everything he was doing. Yet, I could see how rattled he had become.

 

He wasn't as open as he was when I had first met him. He was cautious and would come to me whenever he didn't feel safe. He still danced like there was no tomorrow when the crowd wasn't so large. However, he would often take me out on the dance floor with him when he didn't want to seem too approachable and the club was filled to capacity.

 

I could understand why.

 

There were a few incidents that made Duo jumpy. The casual touches he was once used to getting from the customers made him flinch away if he wasn't expecting them. There was an accident when someone decided to tug Duo onto the dance floor and made a really bad decision of grinding against his ass. He punched them out cold and Rashid had to take the guy out and explain that wasn't allowed and Duo had every right to knock him out. Duo was shaken and had stayed by my side for the rest of the night.

 

Even on nights when the crowd was a bit smaller, Duo seemed to look out over the dance floor intently before sighing and doing his job of getting everyone to dance to at least one song. His smile wasn't as bright as it was and it didn't reach his eyes like it once had. He was more reserved. More self-aware than he had been and it was hard to compare this new Duo to the one I had met all those months ago.

 

Trowa was worried that Duo was trying to push himself to be himself again too fast.

 

Quatre worried that Duo wasn't ready to put himself out on the dance floor even though Duo wouldn't stop going out there.

 

I thought Duo was strong enough to know his own limits, although I worried that he would be taken from me again. It was always playing in the back of my mind. The time Duo was kidnapped and taken back to his old apartment and raped by Alex's old friends. I knew they were in prison, just like Alex was, but that didn't stop me from worrying that it would happen again.

 

I never told Duo about it though. I didn't want to stir up any more bad memories and I was certain he was already reliving them when he settled down to sleep. I had to wake up more than a few times a night just to make sure Duo wasn't having any nightmares. I could hear him whimpering in his sleep when the nightmares got really bad. I couldn't help noticing how Duo had lost a few pounds after a few days of drifting.

 

I say he was drifting because it was as if he wasn't really living at all. We would wake up in the morning together. I would go to work and sometimes I would drive Duo to the club if he had to go in early to unload a shipment. If not, he would get up with me any way and would stay in the apartment for a few hours before Trowa or Quatre would come by to get him and get the club ready for the night. Trowa was gentle and kind when he was with Duo, not that he wasn't always like that before Duo fell to pieces. It just seemed that other than myself, Trowa could lend a quiet yet gentle presence when I wasn't around. Quatre had to go in to WEI more and more lately, so he wasn't always around, but when he was, he could get Duo smiling easily. Where as Trowa and I could make Duo feel instantly safe since we were both a lot stronger than either one of them and would lend them our strength without a second thought.

 

Trowa told me that he had found Duo crying one morning after I had left. He didn't really have a reason for it and didn't tell Trowa why he was so upset, and I think it bothered Trowa more than he wanted to admit that Duo didn't want to share the reason with him. Trowa's a sensitive guy and hides that fact well. Only if you looked at his eyes and the slight change in his expression, you could tell he was hurt that Duo didn't want to trust him at that time.

 

Even at the club, Duo would spend a lot of time around him and Quatre but if anything upset him, he would come stand with me and talk or help me while I made the drinks for the patrons. However, if Trowa was there it was almost like he was hiding behind the tall Latin man. It was strange and yet not hard to believe that Duo had changed so much. But the fact that he had changed was always present in our minds.

 

For instance, a few nights ago Duo was out on the dance floor for a total of twenty minutes out of the entire time the club was open. He danced with three people before he saw something or someone he didn't like and came over to me and helped serve drinks the rest of the night. Trowa and Quatre had to go out to entertain the crowd in order to make up for Duo's lack of enthusiasm, which they didn't mind, but had to repeat the performance for the rest of the week. Duo just couldn't perform without balking at the touches he received and people noticed the change.

 

Duo had gone from being the club's best dancer to being the club's bartender with me. It was hurting Silver Scythe's reputation, but at the same time, I just wanted Duo to feel safe. Like he belonged at his job where he used to have so much fun that there was nothing that could wipe the grin off his face. He just needed to gain back his confidence and I knew I had to figure out a way to help him do it. Or else Duo would probably give up dancing completely.

 

Tonight, he wasn't any better.

 

We had arrived at four o'clock to move some things around and decorate the club for the night with bows and strings and confetti. Duo was in charge of decorating around the bar while Trowa and I were climbing up ladders and hanging up the banners and streamers. Quatre tossed us stuff as we asked for it, but Duo was pretty much keeping to himself as he wrapped the bar up in tissue paper and silver strings. He even painted a scythe on the banner and did mini drawings of all of us in one corner. It took a while and looked amazing by the time we were finished and the night was about to begin.

 

The people filled in and Duo stayed close to the bar with the rest of us until the music began to flow and the mass of bodies started to jive to the loud beat of drums, guitars, and keyboards. As I watched the crowd dance, I also watched Duo out of the corner of my eye. He looked nervous, scared even and yet I knew he would eventually firm his resolve and join the crowd.

 

I hadn't expected him to suddenly bolt and run to the back room. Quatre sent me a worried look and I nodded my head toward the direction Duo went. Quatre nodded back and I quickly went after Duo. I had an idea of what he was doing but I also wanted to make sure he wasn't going to hide in the back room all night.

 

I found him sitting on the couch in the lounge, head in his hands and slightly panting. He looked paler than normal as I went to him and knelt in front of him, gently removing his hands from his face.

 

"Hey." I said quietly to him and rubbed my thumbs over his wrists. "What's the matter?"

 

"I don't want to go back out there." He said in no more than a whisper. His hands trembled in mine and his pale complexion scared me, but I didn't let it show. I had to be strong for Duo if I ever wanted him to face his demons.

 

"Why don't you want to go back out there?" I asked and leaned into him to kiss his cheek softly. He shrugged one shoulder and leaned into me a little more, seeking more kisses and caresses that I had no problem giving him. "Duo. You don't have to be afraid any more. Those guys are locked up for good, they can't hurt you any more."

 

"It's not them I'm worried about." He said and bit his bottom lip. "I just... just can't help thinking someone's going to...to do, well... to try and do things to me again." He finished saying with a huff.

 

I stroked back his bangs and caressed his face as he tried to pull himself together. Leaning in, I gently kissed his lips and whispered softly to him. "I love you and I hope I'm the only one who can do things to you with your permission. But I can see why you're worried and I know you have a reason to be. But I know how much you love to dance and that desire to go out there and just burn up the dance floor, I haven't seen in weeks. You're holding yourself back and everyone can see it."

 

"I can't do it Heero. I just can't... act like that, dance like that anymore without thinking someone is going to try something." He admitted and ducked his head to hide his face from me. I knelt on the floor and pulled him into my lap without a second thought then. Holding him in my arms to make him feel safe and wanted, I tried to drive those fears away with my touch. He uncurled after a while and just latched onto to me, taking in my strength.

 

I don't know how long I held him but I could feel the tears dampen my shirt and felt the sobs shake his slender body. He was lighter than he was a few days ago, and I made a note to myself to ask Trowa if he had seen Duo eat when I wasn't around. I had a feeling he hadn't been which would account to the weight loss, but I resolved myself to not letting Duo off the hook of not eating. I just couldn't tell him verbally that I knew he hadn't been.

 

"Duo? What if I stayed out on the dance floor with you tonight? The whole night. Would you feel better then?"I asked and stroked my hand down his braid.

 

"I can't ask you to do that!" He exclaimed and I just smirked at him.

 

"You're not asking me. I'm asking you. Would that be all right?" He nodded, but then looked guilty.

 

"What about Trowa and Quatre? You can't just leave them by themselves." I tapped his lips with one finger to quiet him.

 

"They dealt with the crowd before I ever met you, love. I'm sure they could deal with it for one night. If it gets too busy, we'll just go help them after we're done with our dance." He stared at me with wide eyes before looking away and nodding slightly. He accepted my plan but was reluctant to leave my lap just yet.

 

"What would I do without you?" He asked before giving me a soft tender kiss that I responded to immediately.

 

"I don't know, and I'm hoping you never have to find out," I whispered against his lips and claimed another sweet kiss.

 

I think Quatre was about to come and find us when we finally emerged from the back room, hand in hand. Trowa gave us both a once over before turning back to what he was doing, but Quatre wanted answers before he would let us go.

 

"Are you all right?" He asked, looking worriedly at Duo who was wrapped around my arm.

 

"I'm fine now, Quat. Heero and I just needed to work something out." Quatre then turned to look at me intently, trying to find some kind of underlying meaning to what Duo had stated. Although, no real answer was going to be forth coming. I simply smiled at the blond and told him Duo and I were going to dance. He looked stunned at first, before a small smile grew across his lips.

 

"All right. Have fun!" He called and then turned back to the people waiting to get their drinks from the bar as I tugged Duo out into the crowd. He latched onto me as we walked and it would have probably taken a crowbar to remove him from me. However, once we stopped and I put my arms around his waist, he seemed to loosen up, if only a little bit.

 

"Are you okay?" He nodded and wrapped his arms behind my neck as we fell into the beat of the song. People seemed to know to stay away from us as we danced together. They kept their distance and danced with the music as I coaxed Duo out into the center of the room and held him as we swayed.

 

He stayed close to me and laid his head on my shoulder, closing his eyes as I rubbed his back as we danced. When a new song started to come on Duo pulled away as if to return to the bar, but I pulled him back to me and pressed up against the full length of his back.

 

"What are you doing?" He asked and I heard the quiver in his voice, but nuzzled the back of his neck anyhow.

 

"I'm dancing with you. What do you think I'm doing?" He didn't say anything and laid his hands over mine when I wrapped them around his hips and started to grind lightly against his backside. He froze for a second and I stopped, waiting for him to settle down, before starting again. When he froze again and nibbled his earlobe before breathing in his ear.

 

"It's just me Duo. Only me, no one else. Are you all right?" I felt him nod and push back against me and I started to grind my pelvis once again. He didn't freeze and began to follow my lead as we got into the rhythm. I never removed my hands from his hips, simply followed the rhythm and danced with him until I felt the tension leave his body.

 

When the next song started he didn't try to leave and I turned him around to grind against me. He did, gently at first but got bolder as the song continued until he was dancing with some of the intensity he had once had. He didn't let go of me the entire night and we continued our dancing until we couldn't catch our breaths. The crowd enjoyed the small performance and I nodded at the appreciative smiles when I caught them. Duo didn't seem to notice. His eyes were either closed or locked on me while we danced, which was probably for the best considering how he had been getting self-conscious lately.

 

We got a drink from Trowa who winked at me when I asked him for two bottles of water. He knew what I was up to by just watching me dance with Duo. Quatre had realized it after the fourth song, but stayed away from us so Duo wouldn't have someone to watch his back if he left the dance floor. That sounds cruel, but Duo needed the experience and needed me to be with him while he danced.

 

He gulped his water down before handing the bottle back to me and tugged me back out to dance. I was surprised at the sudden change, but was very pleased with it as well. Duo was finally dancing again. He just needed me at his side to go out and do it. However, it was better than it had been in weeks if not a whole month and some odd days.

 

We danced for the rest of the night until close and Duo was surprised when the music finally was turned off and the crowd started to filter out of the club. We remained on the dance floor in each others' arms still swaying gently and Duo grinning at me with wide innocent smiles.

 

"You guys can stop now, unless you want to sleep here for the night." Trowa called out as he packed up the money from the register and Rashid handed him the leather bag from the entrance register. It was then that Duo looked around at the empty club, his eyes wide with shock though his lips wore his soft smile.

 

"I was dancing all night?" I nodded and kissed his forehead gently.

 

"Yep. You did, and you are finally smiling again." Duo furrowed his brows a bit before I explained. "You've been so nervous lately, but tonight you actually let go and we had fun like we used to. You danced and didn't worry about anyone looking at you, not even once."

 

"That's because I was dancing with you. I don't worry as much as long as I'm with you. You make everything all right and safe and... I never have to worry about everyone else when you're around." Duo admitted quietly.

 

"I know. I could tell when you felt safe and when you didn't. So do you think you could dance more like you once did if I worked the crowd with you?"

 

Duo was taken aback by my question. He didn't respond immediately and seemed to weigh the good and bad options that were running through his head.

 

"Maybe if you stayed close by I could try." He looked up at me to gauge my reaction and I was sure to look reassuring as well as not crack the smile that threatened to spread across my face. If Duo was actually willing to trust me to help him enjoy dancing as much as he had, then I was set not to let him down. My failure to help him would hurt the both of us and I couldn't let that happen.

 

"I don't intend to leave. Ever. We'll try tomorrow night and if it doesn't work out, we can try something else. I'm just asking you to try Duo. That's all. I'm willing to try anything if you're up to it, but I won't force you to do something you aren't ready for."

 

"I know. I trust you, Heero. Just stay close to me and I'll be fine." He said and gave me a look that made me melt.

 

"It's a promise." Duo flashed me a smile and I kissed him to seal the deal. I would be sure not to let him down, too much was riding on this. More than anything though, I wanted Duo to feel sure of himself, sure of me and his independence. I knew that it would take some time, that Duo had to get back into the swing of things gradually and with his trust I planned to make it worth it.

 

xxxxx

 

TBC...

 

Only two more chapters! Sorry I've been gone for so long, but I'm back and the story is about to come to a close. So please tell me what you thought and the next chapter will be up in a bit. xxo- HUGGLES! -oxx