Gundam Wing Fan Fiction ❯ Trowa Smiled ❯ Trowa Smiled ( Chapter 3 )

Trowa Smiled

By Tygerlilee

* I don't own Gundam Wing and I'm not pretending that I do, so don't sue me. Veida is my own creation, so if you want to use her, please ask permission first.

/ denotes thought

Part 3: Trowa Smiled

Trowa climbed out of the shower, dripping bangs obscuring his view. He lazily picked up his towel and wrapped it around his waist as he turned around to the sink in the miniscule bathroom of his circus trailer.

He turned to the mirror, the humidity misting it. /Foggy, like my mind/ he thought.

He rubbed off the mist in the mirror with the backside of his arm and started to pick up his toothbrush, when he caught a glimpse of his green eyes.

Trowa stopped and stared for a while into them, but he wasn't thinking of himself, nor seeing himself. His mind was sluggish and confused, strange feelings swirling through him. He was remembering. He was remembering her. Veida.

And the past seven months' events flashed through his mind's eye...

*FLASHBACK*

"Trowa! You're back," Quatre cheerfully greeted him.

Trowa liked visiting Quatre, he was a very sympathetic friend, but sometimes he couldn't help but be a little jealous. Quatre was rich, he had everything he could ever want and more. He had respect and prestige. But most of all, and what Trowa envied most, he had a past and a family and a name. Trowa had none of those.

He was a nameless soldier who had been killing and fighting ever since he could remember. He was Nanashi. He had no past. He had no family. He fought and killed. That was all.

At one time he had felt very insecure. When a strong example rose up, he wanted to follow. He had nearly killed himself and ended his blood stained existence, but Catherine had knocked that out of him with one swift slap.

Then he got to know his fellow Gundam Pilots better and began to learn from them. He first got over his insecurities about not having a name. Duo and Heero had taught him that names didn't really matter and they definitely didn't make the person.

Duo had had no name, so he just made one up--simple as that. It really didn't matter as long as there was a way to distinguish one from another besides pointing and calling out 'hey you'. And, as Duo said, 'Names are things other people give you.' Duo had no family either, so he made one--with Hilde.

Heero was also one with no past or name, and life went on anyway. Trowa respected him greatly. He couldn't understand how he could be so strong all the time, controlling himself and keeping a cool head under pressure, never panicking.

Heero had been an assassin at one time, yet he could live with himself. Trowa had only been a solider, not a professional killer, and yet he had trouble with that. Every morning he would wake and see his blood stained hands. Several times he had subconsciously tried to wash if off his hands, but realized that the blood was actually in his mind and thoughts, not physically on his hands. His mind turned to Heero again. He was now working with the Preventors, protecting peace and, most of all, Relena.

Relena. Hilde. Relena and Hilde. Sometimes Trowa wondered if there was a connection between the girls and Duo and Heero. Duo and Heero were both better people for the girls, Trowa recognized that, but he wondered if the girls were what made life bearable, even good, for them.

Trowa sighed inwardly and turned to greet Quatre. Their reunion was interrupted, however, by phones ringing, servants asking for instruction, and so on. Quatre had complaints and questions coming from all sides. He was hosting the annual ball at L-4. Quatre obviously was too busy for a visit right now.

Trowa decided to blend into the background and disappear. That was what he was best at anyway. That was why he always was able to go undercover. He was simply a knot on the log, unnoticed and unvalued.

Later on, Quatre had asked Trowa to pick Veida up for him. He was way too busy and some stupid tabloid muckraker would probably go to town with the story. Trowa had agreed, but was uncertain. He really liked Veida, but she would never pay any attention to him, no one ever did. Not only that, but he had never liked a girl like this. What was he supposed to do? Besides, she was Quatre's girl. That was why Trowa had been sweating like crazy the entire drive to the ball after picking her up. He just wanted to stare at her and listen to her voice all evening, but refrained himself.

Once there, Trowa made himself scarce and watched from afar. His stomach flip-flopped when he saw Dorothy appear. /Can't you leave him alone and quit toying with his heart!/ he silently cursed the blond. Sometimes he hated that girl, what she did to his friend.

Then he noticed Veida looking uncomfortable and meekly standing there. Suddenly, she turned and walked toward a window. He watched her as she quietly and quickly slipped out onto the balcony. /Veida! I bet that she doesn't know about Dorothy! Real considerate, Quatre! Drag the girl to a place that she's uncomfortable in and knows no one and leave her for another girl. Real nice. Sometimes you can be such a bonehead Quatre!/

Trowa quickly made his way to the same door to make sure that she was okay.

When Trowa joined Veida on the balcony, he was not prepared for what he found. Veida's shoulders were shaking and not from a chill in the air--she was crying.

Trowa suddenly had an unexplainable urge to hold her. Instead, he walked over to the edge and leaned on the railing with his arms crossed next to her.

She had her head down and shoulders hunched, obviously trying to hide her tears.

After several minutes, she finally turned to look at him. Her eyes grew wide when she saw him. /She must have been expecting Quatre. Sorry to disappoint you Veida/ Trowa thought.

But, for the first time ever in his life, Trowa found it easy to talk. He could listen too, and help. He had listened to Veida, and even cheered her up. He danced with her out there on the balcony, under the false night sky. He couldn't believe what he was doing and how easy it was to just be with her. He had never felt that way.

When Veida asked him if he had ever run off with Quatre's girl before, his mind froze and he panicked, but his mouth said, "No, but I might this night."

/Did I just say that!!!???/ Trowa blushed bright red and hoped that she didn't look up at him. /I'm a complete MORON!!! I did not just say that to Veida! I do NOT say things like that to anyone!!/ Trowa continued to mentally scold himself.

Then he felt Veida, as she snuggled her face into his shoulder. He could almost feel her smiling.

And he could think of only one thing to do...he held her closer.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* ~*~*~*~*~

"So, Trowa, how did the dance go," Catherine asked.

"It was fine." Trowa couldn't tell Catherine how confused he was. He didn't even know what he was really confused about, much less how to put it into words so that she could help him.

Did he like Veida? Did he love Veida? Was he mad about Quatre abandoning her? Was he mad about Dorothy ramming herself back into Quatre's life? If he did like Veida, was it just because he thought the sympathetic nurse could help him and make the pain go away as Relena and Hilde helped do for Heero and Duo? What was going on!!??

Trowa was lost.

"Oh come on, Trowa, don't say 'fine'!! Elaborate for heavens sake!!! Did everyone like Veida?" Catherine asked.

/She doesn't know about Dorothy's unexpected appearance/ Trowa realized.

"Dorothy showed up." Trowa said simply.

"Oh," was all that Catherine said. She knew all about Dorothy and Quatre's situation.

"Cathy!! Get over here! We need you to help with the costumes!!" one of the circus workers called.

"Okay! I'm coming!" she called back. "We'll finish this talk later Trowa," and she sprinted off toward the tents.

Trowa turned back to the lions. Trowa really liked animals. Maybe it was because they responded to good intentions. They could feel if your heart was good or evil, who was their friend or foe. /Good intentions are all I have/ Trowa thought.

"Trowa." He heard a soft, timid voice call from behind him.

Trowa turned to the voice and looked up in amazement. "Veida." His voice trailed off. He had never imagined that he would see her again, and so soon. "What are you doing here?" He asked.

"I came to see you silly!!" She cheerfully answered. "If you want I could leave though," she added quickly and meekly.

"NO!" Trowa burst. "I mean, that's okay. I don't mind you here." He amended quickly.

Veida grinned as his outburst. "Well then," Veida was clasping her hands behind her back and swiveling in one place, much like a small child preparing to ask for something they aren't sure that they can have. "I was just wondering if maybe you would like to go for a walk or something," she said slowly. "But if you can't leave or are busy, I understand," she added at lightning speed.

"Sure, I can. Let's walk," Trowa said. He was still in a slight daze from her surprise appearance and decided to just go along with her. But, he was also excited. /Maybe I have a chance!! WAIT!! What on earth am I thinking!! I hardly even know this girl. Why on earth do I like her so much?/ Trowa wondered.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* ~*~*~*~*~*~

Seven months later...

Trowa was staking down one of the smaller tents with several other guys when he heard her in the background, talking to Cathy.

"Cathy, where's Trowa? Is he around," Veida asked.

"Hmm. Oh, I'm not sure. I haven't seen him around for a while," Cathy answered back.

Trowa suddenly suggested that they should all take a break and conveniently appeared near where Cathy and Veida were.

"Trowa! I was just looking for you," Veida excitedly said as she jumped up to hug the tall, lean young man. "I heard that the circus was back, so I decided to track you down," her voice slightly muffled in his shirt.

"It's nice to see you too, Veida," Trowa said calmly.

"Wanna go for a walk," she asked, releasing his neck from her hold.

"I'm not sure. There's a lot of work to be done. We were just taking a quick break," Trowa said, indicating to four other men on the other side of the field.

"Oh, come on Trowa! You used to always disappear without permission before. You're so good, you can always get away with it again I'm sure," Cathy said deviously winking.

"Trowa," Veida exclaimed, her hands on her hips in mock surprise. "Were you an evil disobedient adolescent?" she asked.

"Okay. Let walk," Trowa conceded.

They left the open field and walked along the dirt path, trees on one side providing limited shade. Over the past six months, Trowa reflected, he and Veida had become very good friends. Trowa had decided to keep it at that since he was so confused and inexperienced with relationships. He didn't want to ruin anything.

But he had been right about one thing, Veida was helping him a lot. She always listened to him and shared herself with him too. They usually were only able to call each other once in a while since they had different time zones and conflicting schedules. However, they wrote to each other often.

Veida cheerfully filled him in on her life's latest developments and frustrations. Trowa silently enjoyed hearing her voice and having her near.

They walked to the top of a small hill and sat under a tree talking and sat down. Suddenly, Trowa's eyes felt heavy. In the heat, a cool breeze washed over him. /It's so nice out here/ he thought. Siting there with her was so comfortable, and so right in a strange way the Trowa couldn't comprehend...

He was swimming in a cool pool of crystal water. Veida was laughing in the background. Then the water became thick. It was harder to swim. Something latched on to his leg and tried to pull him under. He gulped the water. /Blood! I'm swimming in blood!/ he realized. He was drowning. Voices screaming. The thing had him under the blood and his lungs were straining. He was running out of air. He couldn't get up. His mind was panicking and he was floundering. His mind was dizzy, thoughts swirling. Fire, his body was on fire. He couldn't move, he tried, he was stuck, he...

Shot up with a start. /I was dreaming!!/ Trowa realized. He was panting, trying to slow his breath and heart, he looked over and saw Veida staring at him wide eyed.

"Are you okay? Trowa," she tenderly touched his shoulder.

Trowa nodded and leaned back against the tree. /It was just a dream. Calm down. It's fine/ Trowa kept repeating to himself.

"How long have I been asleep?" he asked.

"A half hour, maybe forty-five minutes," she told him.

Trowa nodded to show he had heard her.

"Trowa," Veida timidly said. "You fought in the Eve War's didn't you."

Trowa's eyes grew large and he looked over at her. "How did you..." his voice trailed off.

"I've seen that look in people's eyes before, that dead, lifeless look. I heard them cry in their sleep. I saw it every day for two years. When I was thirteen, I helped the doctors and nurses in our hospitals. It was awful because I wanted to help them, the patients I mean, but they wouldn't let me." She paused for a moment. Her face etched with worry and concern. "Trowa, let me help you. What happened? Please, talk to me. What can I do? Tell me," Veida implored.

Trowa looked at her strait in the eyes. He was searching for the truth, to see if she was truly sincere, if she actually wanted to help him. If she truly cared. /Please, help me/ he thought.

Then, Veida wrapped her arms around his shoulders. She held him tightly, pressing his face into her shoulder. Trowa held her back, his arms around her back. Veida rested her head on top of his and ran her fingers through his hair, soothingly rubbing his neck.

Then Trowa looked up at her, staring straight through her eyes.

"Trowa," Veida's soft voice came, piercing the silence. She brought her face close to his, their noses practically touching. "Trowa, no matter what internal torments you are going through, no matter how guilty you feel or what you have done or where you are from, I love you. I love you Trowa," Veida looked right back at him, keeping his gaze.

Trowa's tongue felt stuck in the back of his mouth and his throat grew dry and scratchy. He didn't know what to say, but he knew that a great feeling was spreading though out him. /I need to say something, I need to tell her who I am and what I've done, I have to/ his thoughts were interrupted by her lips pressing to his.

*END FLASHBACK*

Trowa snapped back into reality. /Why didn't I tell her that I love her! Why didn't I say anything. Why didn't I tell her that I love her...I love her!! I actually love her/ Trowa's head jerked up at the realization...he loved her. /She just left ten minutes ago...her car's in the shop and I don't have one to drive her home so she must have taken the bus/ Trowa looked at his watch laying on the sink's edge. It read twelve fifteen. /The bus runs in half-hour blocks...maybe it hasn't come yet. Maybe I can catch her and tell her/

Trowa frantically shoved on some clothes and shoes and sprinted out the door. He dashed through the camp and down the dirt road.

Trowa reached the main road and ran on the sidewalk, pushing what few people he met out of his way and managed to reach the deserted bus stop. He paused for a second to catch his breath, his hands gripping his knees.

Veida was sitting on the wooden bench across the street, patiently waiting for the bus to come and take her home while reading a magazine that she had had stuffed in her purse earlier. Trowa was about to walk over to her when a man came and sat down beside her. /I can't tell her that I love her in front of a perfect stranger, or anyone that I do know for that matter/

Then Veida and the man began to talk, while Trowa watched. Veida was smiling and laughing, just like she always did. The man abruptly got up to leave and Veida turned back to her reading.

But he didn't leave. Trowa watched as the man circled around behind the bench and grabbed Veida with one hand over her mouth and the other grabbing her wrists. He jerked her over the back of the bench and dragged her to an alley nearby.

Trowa's jaw dropped, completely dumbfounded by the man's sudden behavior.

He sprinted across the street to the alley. The buildings which formed the alley had lights lining the top, making it easy for Trowa to make out Veida pined under the man, squirming and fighting the best she could in the back corner. But one hand was pined under her and he had his hand on the other. His other hand was over her mouth and nose, preventing easy breathing while his legs were pressed against her.

Trowa felt his blood boil at the sight and knocked the man off with one swift kick to the side of his head. The man jumped up and ran at Trowa, arms around his waist and baring him to the cold concrete. Trowa rolled over, pushing the man under him and knocked his head against the concrete.

Jumping up, Trowa pulled Veida's assailant with him. Trowa uppercut him in the jaw, knocking him into the brick wall of the nearest building rendering him unconscious.

Trowa stopped and took a deep breath.

Then he looked over at Veida.

It was not difficult to make out Veida's frightened, wide-eyed, colorless face under the yellow light. "Trowa..." she called out weakly.

Trowa ran to her side and gently picked her up, cradling her beaten body to him. His arms enveloped her like a warm security blanket. Trowa felt her tears and her body shook as she cried into him. "Veida, it's alright. I'm here. He's not going to hurt you as long as I'm with you. I won't let him," he soothed.

"Trow-hic-a," managed to squeeze out amidst her tears. "T-t-t-trowa, how, hic, did y-y-you, hic, sniff, know t-t-t-to, sniff, come. Wh-h-hy, hic, did you come to t-t-t-the, hic, stop, sniff?" Veida asked.

Trowa stroked her chestnut hair and shaking back, rocking her in his arms, never wanting to let go. "I came to tell you that I love you. I didn't want you to go home without knowing that. I love you Veida."

If Trowa hadn't known better, he would have said that she was crying harder. "I love you too, Trowa," she said for the third time that night, and snuggled down into his protective embrace.

Trowa buried his face in her hair.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* ~*~*~*~

"It's okay man, it's going to be fine. Just stay calm, and remember to breathe!"

"Duo, calm down and quit dancing in circles. Either that or go to the bathroom. Geesh, its Trowa, not you, whose getting married. Why the heck are you so nervous?"

"Mph. I'm not nervous."

"Then go to the bathroom."

"Trowa, let me straighten your tie," Quatre said loudly as to make sure that Trowa could hear him over Duo and Wufie's bickering.

Catherine burst into the room, making everyone's heads turn. "Aren't you ready yet! The bride is ready and everyone is here."

"Don't worry Cathy, I'm ready," Trowa calmly replied. He seemed to be the calmest in the whole building, and he was the one getting hitched.

Trowa took a deep breath and walked quietly toward the front of the chapel, where the Reverend was waiting patiently. /Okay, I'm getting married. No big deal, people do it every day--sort of. I know her, I won't get ants in my pants/

Trowa took another deep breath as the organist began to play. Various memories streaked across his mind. When they first met, when they had that talk on the balcony and danced, when she kissed him, when she said that she didn't care where he came from or what he had done, and then, when she said that she loved him.

He pictured his future wife as he listened to the organ.

Then she was there, standing there just as if she did this every day.

She was wearing a full length white gown with a rounded waist, short sleeves, and a small train. The neckline modest and the dress altogether was fairly simple. /Funny how her dress fits her personality: cheerful, pretty, and easily understood/ Trowa remarked to himself. Her curly hair was loose, falling to her shoulder blades, and a crown of flowers circled her head with thin white gaze trailing downward.

And she was smiling. Not just smiling, but beaming, and at him. /She really does love me, and she's going to be my wife. We are going to spend the rest of our lives together. She will be able to heal my heart/ Trowa realized...

And Trowa smiled.

**Author's Notes: So how was it? Please write me and tell me because I've got some other ideas for stories, but if they all stink, I need to know. Questions? Comments? Anything? Please write me!!! Tygerlilee