Gundam Wing Fan Fiction ❯ Ultimate Sacrifice ❯ Chapter 6 ( Chapter 6 )
[ Y - Young Adult: Not suitable for readers under 16 ]
By: Karen from KanaDUH 
Anime/Manga: Gundam Wing Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Angst / Hentai / Romance | Type: Alternate Universe | Uploaded On: 07.19.2002 | Pages: 1 | Words: 1.7K | Visits: 577 | Status: Work In Progress
Anime/Manga: Gundam Wing Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Angst / Hentai / Romance | Type: Alternate Universe | Uploaded On: 07.19.2002 | Pages: 1 | Words: 1.7K | Visits: 577 | Status: Work In Progress
Warnings: yaoi, angst, AU, alternating POV's
Pairing:1x2, 1+R (nothing romantic though), implied 3+4
Disclaimer: Would I still be working if I owned GW?
Archive: GW on the Sanctuary Anywhere else, please ask first. Feedback: Send comments, good and bad, to lady_yaoi @ hotmail.com (remove spaces)
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AC 200
[Heero]
I've grown to hate mirrors. Small ones, large ones, it doesn't matter; I hate them all. They remind me too much of him... of Duo... and I don't need any more reminders. I have a hole in my soul to do that. But that doesn't explain my hatred of mirrors. They never lie - never. Right now, I wish the one in front of me would.
I look like shit. Which is fitting, since I feel like shit too. With a sigh I'm sure Wufei can hear out in the shuttle cabin, I gingerly sit on the small toilet in the shuttle's bathroom. Once again, I've come back from a Preventors mission alive. Alive, but injured. Nothing life-threatening, or I wouldn't be sitting here, but alive nonetheless. To face another day... another week... another month... without Duo. He's disappeared. It hurts, Kami-sama does it hurt to admit that, but I've run out of places to look.
For the last two and a half years I've scoured the known universe for him. Nothing. I thought he'd return to L2, to the ruins of Maxwell Church, on the anniversary of its destruction. Seemed logical, especially since he talked about doing so after the war. So I went there, 3 times now. For a week on either side of the anniversary date, I literally camped out in the ruins. He's not shown once, not once! Logic tells me he's probably dead. Father Maxwell and Sister Helen meant the world to him; he'd have stuck to his word if he was alive. But the heart doesn't always follow the logic of the brain.
This last visit, before Wufei picked me up for the mission we're returning from now, was hard. My heart was saying 'third time's the charm' while my brain was saying 'third strike - you're outta here'. No, they just won't agree... and I don't know why.
The mirror taunts me again and I succumb to it, staring once more into its depths. Sometimes, I swear it's a stranger looking back at me. I can't reconcile the image the mirror reflects to the images in the photos I have of Duo and me. It's incredible the difference a couple years makes. My face is now the face of a young man instead of a boy. I'm taller now - nearly 5' 11" - broader in the shoulders, more defined in terms of muscles. The only thing that hasn't changed is my hair; it's still as messy looking as it was during the war. Messy, and right now, caked in grime... along with my clothes.
This was not a pretty mission I'm returning from. Something is brewing in the colonies. The Preventors can't find the root so they keep going after the branches, hoping to cripple the root by cutting of its supply of arms, explosives, whatever. Going after the branches is dangerous work. What better to use than an expendable tool? That's where I come in. I don't work per-se for the Preventors, but I do the odd job for them.
Odd job. If I still had the ability to laugh, I would at that description. It's become an almost full-time job now, much to Relena's dismay. I think she knows what I'm trying to accomplish by taking these high-risk assignments. Like being her personal body guard isn't high risk? Just last month a bullet skimmed me when some crazy decided to take aim at her. Ya, I know. There's no comparison between the two - what I'm doing now is going to be the death of me... I hope.
You see, the Perfect Soldier has fallen apart. In public, I can barely keep myself together anymore. In private... in private I'm a mess. The masks of indifference and uncaring are cracked almost beyond repair. I know what it means to care, to love, to be loved. And to feel the emptiness left behind when the love disappears. It's impossible to keep the masks in place when you realize that. Impossible to suppress emotions I was just beginning to _really_ feel, _really_ understand. I just don't have the... training?... to deal with all I'm feeling. Relena says I'm not to give up, but I realize I have. After two and a half years wouldn't you?
Relena. Geez, who would have thought she'd turn into my best friend, ne? I think - no, I know - it took the other guys by surprise. Wufei even had an honor rant specially prepared to put 'Lena in her place. He was some pissed off he never got to use it. In all honesty, I can say if it wasn't for Relena's friendship and support, I wouldn't have made it this far. My happiness and well being means more to her than her own at times. Like she said it did, does?, to Duo. That's why he left. Or so she explains it. 'Lena feels that Duo thought he couldn't give me all that I deserved out of life, that his love wasn't enough for me. Worse, that I didn't truly love him. Actions, she said, speak louder than words, but sometimes the words need to be said to get the point across. And I never said the words. All the guilt, feelings of worthlessness, lack of words added up to Duo making the decision he did. On this point, my heart and brain don't argue. Relena's right when she says communication doesn't work when it's one-sided. But it looks like I'm not going to be given the chance to right that wrong. I've prayed to Duo's God so many times I've lost count. I clutch at the cross he left me, close my eyes and whisper my pleas in the dark... like I saw him do so many times. There's never been an answer, a sign, or even an acknowledgment my pleas were heard.
"Yuy!" Wufei's sharp voice and knock on the door startle me, "Get your ass out here. We land in 5 minutes."
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"Heero!" Automatically I turn my head, searching for the voice calling my name. Relena? What the hell is she doing here? And why is she waving a piece of paper at me?
Breathless, Relena stops in front of me, shoving the paper in my face. "He's still alive. Trowa found a lead. It's not much, but it's something."
She doesn't need to tell me who 'he' is, and I don't need to ask. Duo... Trowa found a lead on Duo. Before I have a chance to read the paper, Relena's grabbing my arm and whisking both of us out of the spaceport, all the while babbling away like a record on high speed. Her diplomatic 'voice' goes out the window for personal matters it seems.
"A donation was made to the Center. You remember Trowa telling you about the Center don't you? Anyway, it wasn't wired in the usual fashion; in fact, it wasn't wired at all."
I let myself be pushed into the waiting limo, nodding my head politely at Pargan. Manon and Relena, still talking, follow behind me. "A credit chit, with a note, was left at one of the Winner Enterprises offices. Well, there were two notes actually. The first one said the chit and second note were to be delivered directly to Mr. Quatre Raberba Winner. But you know how big corporations are; it took nearly two weeks to reach Quatre."
Was she ever going to breath? Ah, there, a small intake of breath... and she was off again. "The chit was a donation of 50,000 credits to the Center... and the second note, like the first, wasn't signed. So who was to know who the donation came from right?" I nod in stunned agreement. Where was this going? How did it relate to Duo?
"Well, when Quatre saw the note he knew, _knew_, it had to be from Duo. No one but him ever used that damn nickname for Quatre - despite how many times he asked Duo not to." Another quick break for a breath, and this time I broke in.
"Relena, what did the second note say?"
"Oh! Guess that would help wouldn't it?" Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Manon roll her eyes and stifle a laugh. "It said," Relena grabbed the paper she'd been waving in my face earlier; the one now crumpled in her grasp, " 'Good thing you're doing with Center. Make it fly, Blondie'."
Blondie... it couldn't be anyone else other than Duo; Trowa is right in that assessment. But why, after all this time of hiding, would he slip up and do something that could be so easily identifiable as coming from him? Two reasons sprang to mind: one, he didn't realize the slip he made or two, he's dead, or dying, and it wouldn't matter if Quatre figured it out. A lump of pure fear settled itself in my stomach at the thought of option two and I grabbed anxiously for the cross around my neck.
"Don't think that, Heero," Relena's voice echoed my thoughts. "We'll get someone out to L3 immediately to start tracing this." Her stern, determined voice pierced through my worries. What did I do to deserve such devotion from this amazing girl? Wait, where did she say?
"L3? He was on L3... two weeks ago?" Just as I was leaving L2... k'so! "Wait, isn't there a standing order with the authorities there to detain him?" A year ago, Wufei had the Preventors declare Duo a 'person of interest' who was to be detained if spotted.
Manon touched my hand to catch my attention. "Yes. But you can't detain what you don't see. Odds are he wasn't spotted or was disguised in such a manner that he wasn't recognized." I should have realized that. Further proof of how much I'm slipping away.
"Don't give up, Heero," Relena's warm hand gently squeezed my leg. "We'll find him soon."
'Soon', I would come to realize, is a relative term. And finding Duo would be accidental... a result purely of fate.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
TBC
Pairing:1x2, 1+R (nothing romantic though), implied 3+4
Disclaimer: Would I still be working if I owned GW?
Archive: GW on the Sanctuary Anywhere else, please ask first. Feedback: Send comments, good and bad, to lady_yaoi @ hotmail.com (remove spaces)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Ultimate Sacrifice
AC 200
[Heero]
I've grown to hate mirrors. Small ones, large ones, it doesn't matter; I hate them all. They remind me too much of him... of Duo... and I don't need any more reminders. I have a hole in my soul to do that. But that doesn't explain my hatred of mirrors. They never lie - never. Right now, I wish the one in front of me would.
I look like shit. Which is fitting, since I feel like shit too. With a sigh I'm sure Wufei can hear out in the shuttle cabin, I gingerly sit on the small toilet in the shuttle's bathroom. Once again, I've come back from a Preventors mission alive. Alive, but injured. Nothing life-threatening, or I wouldn't be sitting here, but alive nonetheless. To face another day... another week... another month... without Duo. He's disappeared. It hurts, Kami-sama does it hurt to admit that, but I've run out of places to look.
For the last two and a half years I've scoured the known universe for him. Nothing. I thought he'd return to L2, to the ruins of Maxwell Church, on the anniversary of its destruction. Seemed logical, especially since he talked about doing so after the war. So I went there, 3 times now. For a week on either side of the anniversary date, I literally camped out in the ruins. He's not shown once, not once! Logic tells me he's probably dead. Father Maxwell and Sister Helen meant the world to him; he'd have stuck to his word if he was alive. But the heart doesn't always follow the logic of the brain.
This last visit, before Wufei picked me up for the mission we're returning from now, was hard. My heart was saying 'third time's the charm' while my brain was saying 'third strike - you're outta here'. No, they just won't agree... and I don't know why.
The mirror taunts me again and I succumb to it, staring once more into its depths. Sometimes, I swear it's a stranger looking back at me. I can't reconcile the image the mirror reflects to the images in the photos I have of Duo and me. It's incredible the difference a couple years makes. My face is now the face of a young man instead of a boy. I'm taller now - nearly 5' 11" - broader in the shoulders, more defined in terms of muscles. The only thing that hasn't changed is my hair; it's still as messy looking as it was during the war. Messy, and right now, caked in grime... along with my clothes.
This was not a pretty mission I'm returning from. Something is brewing in the colonies. The Preventors can't find the root so they keep going after the branches, hoping to cripple the root by cutting of its supply of arms, explosives, whatever. Going after the branches is dangerous work. What better to use than an expendable tool? That's where I come in. I don't work per-se for the Preventors, but I do the odd job for them.
Odd job. If I still had the ability to laugh, I would at that description. It's become an almost full-time job now, much to Relena's dismay. I think she knows what I'm trying to accomplish by taking these high-risk assignments. Like being her personal body guard isn't high risk? Just last month a bullet skimmed me when some crazy decided to take aim at her. Ya, I know. There's no comparison between the two - what I'm doing now is going to be the death of me... I hope.
You see, the Perfect Soldier has fallen apart. In public, I can barely keep myself together anymore. In private... in private I'm a mess. The masks of indifference and uncaring are cracked almost beyond repair. I know what it means to care, to love, to be loved. And to feel the emptiness left behind when the love disappears. It's impossible to keep the masks in place when you realize that. Impossible to suppress emotions I was just beginning to _really_ feel, _really_ understand. I just don't have the... training?... to deal with all I'm feeling. Relena says I'm not to give up, but I realize I have. After two and a half years wouldn't you?
Relena. Geez, who would have thought she'd turn into my best friend, ne? I think - no, I know - it took the other guys by surprise. Wufei even had an honor rant specially prepared to put 'Lena in her place. He was some pissed off he never got to use it. In all honesty, I can say if it wasn't for Relena's friendship and support, I wouldn't have made it this far. My happiness and well being means more to her than her own at times. Like she said it did, does?, to Duo. That's why he left. Or so she explains it. 'Lena feels that Duo thought he couldn't give me all that I deserved out of life, that his love wasn't enough for me. Worse, that I didn't truly love him. Actions, she said, speak louder than words, but sometimes the words need to be said to get the point across. And I never said the words. All the guilt, feelings of worthlessness, lack of words added up to Duo making the decision he did. On this point, my heart and brain don't argue. Relena's right when she says communication doesn't work when it's one-sided. But it looks like I'm not going to be given the chance to right that wrong. I've prayed to Duo's God so many times I've lost count. I clutch at the cross he left me, close my eyes and whisper my pleas in the dark... like I saw him do so many times. There's never been an answer, a sign, or even an acknowledgment my pleas were heard.
"Yuy!" Wufei's sharp voice and knock on the door startle me, "Get your ass out here. We land in 5 minutes."
----------------------------------
"Heero!" Automatically I turn my head, searching for the voice calling my name. Relena? What the hell is she doing here? And why is she waving a piece of paper at me?
Breathless, Relena stops in front of me, shoving the paper in my face. "He's still alive. Trowa found a lead. It's not much, but it's something."
She doesn't need to tell me who 'he' is, and I don't need to ask. Duo... Trowa found a lead on Duo. Before I have a chance to read the paper, Relena's grabbing my arm and whisking both of us out of the spaceport, all the while babbling away like a record on high speed. Her diplomatic 'voice' goes out the window for personal matters it seems.
"A donation was made to the Center. You remember Trowa telling you about the Center don't you? Anyway, it wasn't wired in the usual fashion; in fact, it wasn't wired at all."
I let myself be pushed into the waiting limo, nodding my head politely at Pargan. Manon and Relena, still talking, follow behind me. "A credit chit, with a note, was left at one of the Winner Enterprises offices. Well, there were two notes actually. The first one said the chit and second note were to be delivered directly to Mr. Quatre Raberba Winner. But you know how big corporations are; it took nearly two weeks to reach Quatre."
Was she ever going to breath? Ah, there, a small intake of breath... and she was off again. "The chit was a donation of 50,000 credits to the Center... and the second note, like the first, wasn't signed. So who was to know who the donation came from right?" I nod in stunned agreement. Where was this going? How did it relate to Duo?
"Well, when Quatre saw the note he knew, _knew_, it had to be from Duo. No one but him ever used that damn nickname for Quatre - despite how many times he asked Duo not to." Another quick break for a breath, and this time I broke in.
"Relena, what did the second note say?"
"Oh! Guess that would help wouldn't it?" Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Manon roll her eyes and stifle a laugh. "It said," Relena grabbed the paper she'd been waving in my face earlier; the one now crumpled in her grasp, " 'Good thing you're doing with Center. Make it fly, Blondie'."
Blondie... it couldn't be anyone else other than Duo; Trowa is right in that assessment. But why, after all this time of hiding, would he slip up and do something that could be so easily identifiable as coming from him? Two reasons sprang to mind: one, he didn't realize the slip he made or two, he's dead, or dying, and it wouldn't matter if Quatre figured it out. A lump of pure fear settled itself in my stomach at the thought of option two and I grabbed anxiously for the cross around my neck.
"Don't think that, Heero," Relena's voice echoed my thoughts. "We'll get someone out to L3 immediately to start tracing this." Her stern, determined voice pierced through my worries. What did I do to deserve such devotion from this amazing girl? Wait, where did she say?
"L3? He was on L3... two weeks ago?" Just as I was leaving L2... k'so! "Wait, isn't there a standing order with the authorities there to detain him?" A year ago, Wufei had the Preventors declare Duo a 'person of interest' who was to be detained if spotted.
Manon touched my hand to catch my attention. "Yes. But you can't detain what you don't see. Odds are he wasn't spotted or was disguised in such a manner that he wasn't recognized." I should have realized that. Further proof of how much I'm slipping away.
"Don't give up, Heero," Relena's warm hand gently squeezed my leg. "We'll find him soon."
'Soon', I would come to realize, is a relative term. And finding Duo would be accidental... a result purely of fate.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
TBC