Gundam Wing Fan Fiction ❯ War Induced Drugs ❯ One-Shot
[ P - Pre-Teen ]
War Induced Drugs....
by Kat also know as KatsyKat >^'.'^<
This fic was written with the help of my brother Dony and his friend Travis... without their help this fic wouldn't have been... and maybe it shouldn't have been. So I share the blame as well as the glory.
Warning, Warning, This fic contains MAJOR (and sometimes intentional) OOC 'ness' (ooc= out of character... duh), and character dissing... which could easily be mistaken for trashing or slamming. If this sort of thing offends you, I suggest that you stop reading now,... well actually DON'T stop reading now, cause I'd really , really appreciate if you read this, considering it is my first fic and all.
Also I may be working on a sequel to this story. Involving the other characters, but it all depends on how many reviews I get... *hint hint*
now the fun...
*Disclaimer*
No I don't own Gundam Wing, or any of the fabulous drugs featured in this fic, or even Papa Roach or any of their songs.. I especially don't own the Norwegian accent, nor do I do it well. So please don't sue me, cause all you'll get is a couple of pictures and my
little 'ole clarinet. That's all I have of any value. (and I use the term "value" loosely) So please, lets make it harder for the government to suck hard-earned money from Americans in their stupid court cases that can just be avoided by me saying ... Please don't sue me, cause I don't own this stuff, nor do I claim to.
it starts...
In a random apartment, belonging to one: Duo Maxwell, that is located on some random colony. Duo was awaiting the arrival of his comrades to celebrate the end of the war. He pulled out his treasure chest 'o super strength weed, labeled "This is the box I hide when cops or my mom comes over." Sadly, he realized that he only had two joints left from his last purchase. "Damn." he cursed... as his rather simplistic brain quickly computed the number of joints verses the number of Gundam pilots.. ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ...
... ...
... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ...
... two hours later Duo realized that there was not enough to share.. He debated cutting them into pieces... but instead, began singing to his new Papa Roach CD. "cut my life into pieces.." This caused him to become extremely selfish and suicidal.. After smoking both joints in less than thirty seconds... he grabbed a razor. When all of the sudden the door burst open and in ran someone screaming...
"DDUUUUUUUUOOOOOOOOO-CCCCHHHHHHAAAAAAAAANNNNNN!!!!!!! !
Hey, man I missed you!!! I'm sooo glad that this stupid war is over so we can all finally have some time to get to know each other!!! It'll be so much fun!!!!" Duo looked up and was so scared to see none other than the perfect soldier, Heero Yuy, standing there, that he accidentally tossed the razor, imbedding it into Heero's forehead. Duo's dilated pupils tried to register why the hell there was blood all over the place when Heero bust out laughing.
"Ha HA, Duo... this is sooo Great!! You tried to kill me!" He soon dissolved into giggles and passed out from either loss of blood or oxygen. (I'm not sure which he ran out of first), as Duo sat there still trying to figure out what the hell happened... Finally he said in a slow drawn-out voice.. W-h-o-aaa, H-e-e-r-o. Y-o-u-'-r-e h-e-r-e....." he slapped his knee, "T-h-a-t-'-s g-r-e-a-t m-a-n."
Suddenly.. (because I like things happen suddenly) The door was flung open again, a now-massive and way over-muscular Quatre Winner, slid sideways into the door. Why sideways you may ask?.. Why that's simple. It was because his shoulder were too massive to fit through the frame... And he now spoke in a random deep Norwegian accent. "Duo, Vat the 'ell, did ya do ta Heero?".. (translation: Duo what the hell did you do to Heero?)
Duo's unblinking eyes now tried to focus on the huge mass in front of him, as a string of drool flows steadily out of the corner of his mouth dangling just about his carpet ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ..... ... ... ...
****crickets chirp and a random toilet flushes****
Finally Duo blinks.. but it comes out as more of a wink as he cannot control his major body motor skills as a result of his selfish overdose of super-strength weed. Quatre picks him up with his pinkie finger and thumb around his neck and asks.. "Vat the 'ell are yo'
on?.. Vye, are you vinking at me, you scrawney little wussie man?" (translation: What the hell are you on? Why are you winking at me, you scrawny little wussie man?)
Duo continued to stare at Quatre, unblinking until Quatre spoke... ... ... "Now, Aye vill hav ta pump...," he struck a very nice pose then slammed his fist into his chest and pointed at Duo, "yo' up!" (Translation: Now I will have to pump... you up!)
This all would have been a very nice display of muscle and macho manliness, except for the fact that Quatre, having increased his mass with the aid of mega-strength steroids, also decreased his brain mass (this was one of many very unfortunate side-effects). So he forgot (due to his lack of brain cells that are able to contribute to long-term memory) that he was still holding Duo when he slammed his fist into his chest and pointed.
So, basically he wound up, pounding Duo and throwing him across the room. Duo managed a grin and a wave, before he slammed into the opposite wall. When his skull contacted the plaster, Duo giggled and said in his drawn out voice.. "W-h-o-a, Q-u-a-t-r-e, h-a-v-e y-o-u b-e-e-n w-o-r-k-i-n-g o-u-t?" Then he promptly lost consciousness.
At this point, Quatre was scratching his massive ass, trying to figure out who was flying across the room, and why he was here with a man who was bleeding to death on the floor. ... ... ...
*****time passes...(insert random jeopardy music)*****
Enter Wufei.
yeah, that's it.. Enter Wufei. Just that. ... Yeah so it's a little,.. how-shall-we-say.. Bland. So what?.. Fine. I gotta give the readers what they want. More detail it is...
The truth is...
Wufei had just finished busting up some drug deal (no problem considering all of the dealers were weaklings... according to Wufei), when he happened to stumble upon a syringe of smack ... (also known as heroin). Seeing it as a sign from Nataku, because he was defiantly NOT looking forward to going to Maxwell's, he asked Nataku for strength... Tied off his arm... and shot himself up. Two minutes later... he tried to pass the empty needle to Nataku himself, who had materialized in front of Wufei wearing a
tie-dye tutu.
now are you happy?... Enter Wufei.
Wufei walked upon the massive Quatre standing just inside of Duo's apartment, conversing with the tutu-clad Nataku. Finally he stopped and looked from Quatre, to the unconscious Heero and Duo. When he blinked, it was no longer Quatre standing there..
but,...
"Merian??" he asked. "Ohh, Merian. I thought you... but you were... but.. you.. want some of this shit?... It's gRRRRRRRRRRrrrrrreAT!!!!" (by the way... I don't own Tony the Tiger or Frosted Flakes or any of their affiliations, either... big surprise ... I know
you're all shocked) Wufei then proceeded to grab his long dead wife and attempted to kiss her.. ...um.. I mean him, cause it's actually Quatre... ... ... *nosebleed*
Quatre threw Wufei off of himself, using his pony-tail as the lever to peel him off of his neck... "oh da 'ell r yo', yo' little girlly veakling?" (translation: who the hell are you, you little girlie weakling?)
Wufei's eye's filled with tears as he flopped himself to the blood-soaked carpet. "But, Merian, why?? Why, have you forsaken me???" He began beating the carpet, and it squished under his fist, as he splashed Heero's blood around.
From across the room, Duo stirred, and managed to prop himself up, using his Venetian blinds... Unfortunately they were not meant to be used for that purpose, and they promptly were ripped from their position, and knocked Duo on the head, rendering him unconscious. once again.
Wufei, had fallen face first to the carpet as he sobbed himself into a troubled sleep. Unfortunately, he was now choking on the blood and tears that covered the floor. After a few minutes, he tossed in sleep and his face was upward away from danger.
Softly at first, through the silence, we can hear the quiet footsteps of one: Trowa Barton. Trowa looked at his fallen comrades, and then at the massive Quatre. His eye blinked. "Quatre, what happened?" Quatre blinked.
"Quatre?... Iz dat my name?" (translation: Is that my name?) He then got a silly happy look on his face and began dancing around the room singing the Barney song... Trowa ignored him and began to try and revive the fallen Gundam pilots. He began with Heero, because he looked the worse off.
He carefully extracted the razor blade from his skull... ok. so he really just grabbed and pulled as hard as he could, but the way he concentrated on doing it, it might as well had been a surgical procedure.
As he bandaged Heero's head and propped him up on the couch, he noticed a little bottle of pills that fell out of his pocket. They were a prescription bottle marked 'Prozac... Take ONE every day with breakfast' Trowa noted that the bottle was only prescribed three days ago, and yet was almost empty.
After lifting both Duo and Wufei on the couch and cleaning the blood and tear soaked carpet, he noticed the now-buff Quatre, standing next to him with tears in his eyes. Trowa looked at him oddly... Quatre sniffed... "I can't remember my NAME!!!!!" He was so distraught, he forgot to use his accent, and spoke in a whiny girl's voice. (Another unfortunate side-effect of the steroids)
Trowa's eye widened, and instead of answering mumbled something about needing a drink and wandered off to Duo's liquor cabinet. Six beers, nine shots of hard liquor, and a bottle of champagne later Trowa was explaining to the unconscious pilots why they were victims of this horrible war.
"You see, Heero is over-dosing on anti-depressants." he spoke as he downed another shot, "Heero doesn't want to take anti-depressants, it because of this DAMN war. Wufei, was crying, for PETE'S SAKE. I don't know what he's on... And Duo's got another frickin' box of Weed in his Living Room... And poor Quatre." He looked at Quatre who was now drooling in the corner, trying to suck his thumb, but he kept missing and stabbing himself in the eye.
"Nevah mind Quatre..." He began slurring his phrases as he slammed another three beers, before he continued. "Itsssssss the warzzz fault. Ya'sssee, guys, This woorld issssototally *hic* fucked up. Da war eint, over, I tell ya, it Aint OVER!!" He raised, yet another beer bottle and took a sip. However, his eye then rolled back into his head and he passed out.
The beer bottle rolled toward Quatre.
Quatre, at this point, had stopped stabbing himself in the eye and picked up the bottle. Taking a swig, his body went into horrible convolutions as the mix of steroids and alcohol caused a horrible thing to happen.... Quatre's muscles began to shrink and the
effects of the steroids were almost totally reversed. However, because of the strain to his mental and physical being, he fell into a semi-comatose state.
*****time passes (CUE: sound of ticking clock)******
******night passes (CUE: owl hoot)************
****day arrives (CUE* songbirds and random rooster)**
*******day passes (CUE: sound of rushing traffic)*****
******night comes again... ... (no cue)*******
The Gundam pilots slowly began to regain consciousness, all at the same time.. (why, cause it's my fic and I said so) Trowa got up, and ran to the bathroom.
Heero stood, reaching for the pills in his pocket. He looked at them, unblinking and then threw them in the trash, grabbing his bandaged head. "Damn." he said. "I'm not dead... mission failure." He spotted the razor blade on the floor (now rusty because of sitting in all of the blood and tears..) and attempts to slit his wrists.
Unfortunately, or rather fortunately for our hero, the blade snaps in two, and doesn't give him so much as a paper cut, for all his troubles. "Mission failure." He spoke deadpan. He ran into Duo's kitchen and tried to smash his head, by slamming it in the refrigerator door, repeatedly.
Wufei tried to figure out the odd vision that Nataku had given him last night, and he sat on Duo's couch in suspended animation trying to speak with his beloved. "Tye-dye tutus?" he mumbled in confusion as he drifted off to the world of no breathing.
Quatre woke up on the floor, in jeans that were entirely too big for him, and a wife-beater shirt, that might as well have been a nightgown. He stood up and looked down. The pants fell off. but his shirt was more than enough to cover him. Unfortunately he noticed that he wasn't the only one that got *up* this morning... And oddly enough, it seems that all effects of the steroids were reversed except for *one*. He tried to hide it, but both his hands couldn't even cover it up. He attempted to sneak out the door, but his blinking red face gave him away as Duo stopped him.
"You ain't leaving so soon, Quatre?.. Ya just got here." Duo grinned, and told the others.. "You won't believe the dream I had.." he laughed. Not noticing Quatre's ... *ahem* uncomfortable look he continued. "It was horrible, I ran out of weed!!" He stared,
waiting for the others reactions.
Sadly they were not surprised or amused, so he felt inclined to continue. "And Quatre was buff!!" he snickered. Quatre blushed and grabbed a couch cushion to cover himself.. But Duo was still too caught up in rambling about his dream to notice so he continued to try and get a reaction from them. "And Heero LAUGHED!!!" At this the others stared in open-mouthed wonder from Duo to the kitchen, from which they could still hear the refrigerator door slamming.
After a second the slamming stopped and the silence was broken only by the sound someone barfing and then eventually that stopped and the toilet flushed.
Quatre looked with worry to Duo and the oblivious Wufei, "Do you think Heero actually killed himself?" his eyes filled with tears...
Just then Trowa came in, followed by Heero who's ears were red and, he had a huge lump on his head.
"Hey," Heero spoke, "I had that dream too... only in it.." he paused for a dramatic effect... "Trowa... TALKED!!!" This time the others stared from Heero to Trowa (including Wufei, who had magically come back from the never-never land of no breathing [he had also taken lessons from Papa Roach])
Trowa blushed and made sure that his hair was covering his eye. "Uh.. I had that dream too." Their jaws dropped, as they realized that they all had the same, 'dream.' "That's it!" Screamed Duo, "NO MORE WEED FOR ME!!" the others laughed and Wufei commented...
"Yeah right, you weakling. The day you give up pot for good is the day... the day.. that Heero starts taking anti-depressants!" Duo and Quatre laughed with Wufei, but Trowa looked oddly at Heero who had only lifted his left eyebrow slightly to display that he was not amused.
That look was more than enough for Wufei to 'realize' that he had to attend 'something.' And for Quatre to 'remember' that he had a meeting that night. Trowa stayed silent, but he also looked eager to leave. And Duo shifted uncomfortably on the couch. So they
decided to call it a night so, although they didn't really know which night it really was, they all went home.
...
The End
okies minna, I'm really sorry about the abrupt ending, but I just couldn't think of anything else.. So I hope you like. And while I'm apologizing, I would also like to say "SORRY" for any and all misspelled words, even if I think most were intentional. Remember that this is my very FIRST fic, so I hope you'll at least try to understand. Lastly, I know that you're all busy people, so I won't keep you... but PLEASE review this. I want to know if I should continue writing, or just give up on writing all together. And feel free to e-mail me @katsykatherine@hotmail.com. I love e-mails, good or bad. Thanks for reading... Ja ne!