Gundam Wing Fan Fiction ❯ What do I have in my pockets? ❯ Prologue

Disclaimer: The Gundam pilots do not belong to us. Aki, Alex, Muralsa, and The Remote Of Time, for better or for worse, do. The Management belongs to Serena Half-Elven.

A/N: This is just a way for us to get around the ban on ff.n of lists. Consider yourself warned.

Warnings: Insanity, incompetence, general crudeness, implied yaoi, language, lack of plot, very, very, very, creative spelling, illegal brownies, and bad jokes

Ava ::checks video camera:: We're good to go!

Alex: You're taping this!?!?!?

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"Is it this button?"

"No, that's the fast-forward button."

"Hm, how about this one?"

"That appears t'be the rewind button."

:"What does this button do?"

"It's the Spanish button."

"Oh."

"Holy shit!"

"I didn't press no button!"

"No, ya gotta see this!"

Two people peeked over the hedge they were hiding behind just in time to watch a certain Wing pilot do…something to a certain braided American. The taller observer picked up the remote from where it had been dropped. "It's this button." She pressed it and the scene in front of them instantly froze. "Gods above and below, you are hopeless when it comes to remotes!"

"So sue me," her companion shot back. "At least I've never…never…" The shorter speaker paused for a moment, thinking. The remote-operator looked at her, highly amused.

"You've never what?"

"Oh, go screw a goat."

Smirking, a person walked over to the two immobile boys. "I get the one on the left."

"You just want to get into his pants!"

"Why else do you think I took this job?"

"AKISAWANA!!!"

Aki just smirked some more. It had been quite some time since she had been able to induce someone into using her full name. Two points for me. "Just pick the other boy's pockets."

They pulled out identical little notebooks and set to work. After ten minutes, Aki accomplished this:

Contents of Duo Maxwel's Pokets:A blak walet with a. 2.87$ in change

b. 16$ in smal bils

c. fake ID giving age as 21

d. empty gum wraper

e. Picture of the Gundam pilotsCondoms Chery-flavored lube Swis Army Nife Picture of Heero Yuy w/ gun pointed at camera Switchblade Scrunchi More condoms Lime-flavored lube Lemon-flavored lube Orange-flavored lube Glow-in-the-dark lube (Honestly, how much lube does one guy need?) Trojans? Wait, those are just more condoms 7 pens in black, blue, and neon pink 1 pensil Lokpiks Kar Kis{1] GameBoy Advance Pokémon Blue (Hey! He's farther than I am! Not fair!) 1 dead baterie

Alex had accomplished nothing. "This guy doesn't have any pockets."

"Wha'diya mean, he ain't got pockets? You just can't find them."

"He's wearing spandex. I'd like to think I'd notice pockets in spandex."

"You don't notice anything unless it's got the flippin' Red Wings on it," Aki muttered under her breath.

"See any pockets?" Alex mocked.

"Aw, shove it," Aki said, "time to call for backup, and where the hell did my phone go…ah here it is…867-5309…one, two, hello, Mort? You know you're not supposed to be here. Why don't you go get Muralsa. Now. Hi, guess what? We have a problem. Spandex-boy here doesn't have any damn pockets. Tried that. And that. What the hell? You're serious? Do you know what spandex is? Didn't think so. Look, these shorts are so tight, I think, yes I do think, they're paint. Apparently. Pull up the visual. See what I mean? Yes. No. No, the one wearing the bloody spandex. The one that Alex is trying to turn into a mouse. Do you really want an answer to that question? Shirt? Whaddya mean it's in his damn shirt? Well, why didn't you tell us? No, it wasn't! No, it wasn't!!! Are you accusing me of leaving for a mission unprepared? Aw, go to hell. Yeah. What on God's green Earth is a henweigh? Are you eating illegal brownies again? Happy cookies[2], illegal brownies, same thing. Right. Of course. Yessir! Don't do anything I wouldn't do, and don't do anything stupid. The two are not mutually exclusive thankyouverymuch!"

"What did she say?"

"Check his shirt."

Alex cautiously touched his back, between the folds in his tanktop, and…

Pulled a gun out of the hidden pocket.

Alex pulled more things out of the pocket and made up her list while her partner looked around for the other three pilots. Or so she thought. "We have a problem," a voice said behind her, making her jump about three feet.

"What kind of problem? '13+5=x, solve for x kind' of problem? Or 'I'm in love with my boyfriends sister' kind of problem?"

"Try 'they don't agree with us on will vs. action' kind of problem."

"What? Is this about the guy who you were gonna shoot but changed your mind."[3]

"Yep."

"How long this time?"

"Eh, two or three more hours, I'd guess."

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[1] Car keys

[2] Happy Cookies are cookies with just a titch too much vanilla. Like, oh, approximately, 3 times too much or so.

[3] If you want to know what they're talking about, go read 'Willingness'

A/N: Who are these people? Why are they digging through the pilots' pockets? And what's gonna happen in 2-3 hours?