Gundam Wing Fan Fiction ❯ What Happens When You Pull Duo's Braid in Sex Ed ❯ Chapter 1

What Happens When You Pull Duo's Braid In Sex Ed.

Warnings: shonen ai, hentai sex-ed, Wufei torture, exploding jocks!

Setting: Another high school. Sequel to What Happens When You Pull Duo's Braid In Chem.

Disclaimers: Gundam Wing characters belong to Mixx Entertainment, Koichi Tokita, the SOTSU Agency, Sunrise, Kodansha and anyone I may have forgotten, not to me. I make no money off of this.

"Duo, why are you giving me these?" Wufei wondered as Duo handed him a rectangular box of tissues.

Duo sat down in his seat and put his feet up on his desk. "Don't tell me you don't know which class this is, Wu-man."

"Don't call me that!" Wufei snapped, sitting down to Duo's left. "And I know exactly what class this is, it's art."

"Not todaaaay..." Duo sing-songed, wagging his finger at Wufei. "Last minute change of plans."

"He's right," Quatre said as he bounced into his own seat on Wufei's left. "Here, I brought you these."

Now Wufei had two boxes of tissues on his desk. As he wondered what on earth was going on, Heero and Trowa joined their respective boyfriends and also tossed him two smaller boxes of tissues. Just as he was about to ask, the teacher got up and faced the class.

"Students, I'm afraid I'm going to have to move our discussion of the various sculptural representations of David to tomorrow. Please change your syllabus accordingly. Today, in order to comply with new government guidelines, we'll be having our sexual education class."

"Eep!"

At first Trowa thought Quatre had...well, eep'd, but the little blonde looked just as confused as the tall pilot. They glanced at Duo, who shrugged. And then they noticed that Wufei had already broken into the first box.

"In order to discourage sexism, this will also be a co-ed presentation, so let's please avoid any comments or titters."

Now, all the pilots knew that last word mean nervous laughter, but in Wufei's aggravated state, his mind registered it as something completely different yet phonetically similar. Fortunately, the teacher turned off the lights before his nosebleed became too apparent.

"You gonna be okay, Wufei?" Quatre asked anxiously.

From the darkness came a tiny groan in the affirmative.

"Just think of Relena giving another speech," Heero said.

"Or Dorothy's eyebrows," Quatre told him.

Wufei's shouldered relaxed slightly. "Hmm, that does seem to help..."

The television came on, showing only nice, wholesome static until the words "made by Hentai Productions" came up for a moment.

"Uh oh," Duo grinned, "looks like they don't plan on going easy on you, Wu'."

Suddenly a great big pair of feminine mammary glands literally bounced onto the screen, followed by a huge male sexual organ that flopped up between them. The words "Sexuality for Dummies" floated over them.

Even Dorothy's eyebrows didn't help. Wufei's eyes went wide as he sat, shocked and paralyzed at the sight.

"Whoa, yeah!" Duo cried, along with most of the guys in the room. Heero smacked the back of his head to make him hush.

Sounds of tissues being violently ripped out of a box echoed through the class, but just about nobody listened. The things starting to happen on screen were far more interesting. The female body, it seemed, was to be presented first. A tall, buxom lady who happened to be completely naked began to speak about strange things the boys had never heard of, like tampons and yeast infections. The words didn't really reach Wufei, though, as the volume of blood reaching his brain had decreased radically, shunted off to other destinations.

"Remember, class, I expect you to take notes," the teacher piped up.

"You can just copy mine," Quatre offered Wufei, knowing the Chinese boy wouldn't be able to hold anything but fluffy tissues for awhile.

Another groan, high in pitch this time, acknowledged his comment.

Meanwhile, someone in the front row stood up and walked to the back of the class. His cleats clicked audibly on the floor, and his white jersey reflected what little light came from the tv screen. The jock wandered around to the pencil sharpener directly behind Heero's seat, and as he ground his thick kindergarten level pencil to a point, he noticed that Duo and Heero were holding hands.

With a smirk, the jock finished his pencil off, then turned and pulled hard on Duo's braid. Duo yelped before he could muffle his cry, but the jock was back in his seat by the time he turned around. Heero, who knew the difference between Duo's happy screams and painful screams, locked his glare on the guilty party and started pulling pages out of his notebook. Knowing he couldn't shoot his enemy, at least not during class, he balled the paper up before he realized he could at least *throw* a bullet at the jock. He wrapped a bullet in each paper, then launched them via a rubber band at the enemy's head.

*pok*pok*pok*

Three rapid fire and direct hits!

Duo snickered as he leaned against Heero, wrapping his arms around the slender waist for comfort.

"What the hell--?" the jock snarled, holding the back of his head. He had to wait for the resounding echo between his ears to disappear before he could actually turn and see who had hit him.

"If you'd pay closer attention," the teacher said, mistaking his question, "you'd understand what's happening. The lady is just demonstrating how to use a panty-liner with added wings."

A shattered cry escaped out of Wufei, who grabbed another handful of tissues. "Where...in space...did they get such a...disturbing...video?" he gasped.

"Really, we need the mailing address," Duo nodded.

"You can just visit their website," Quatre suggested.

Duo, Wufei and even Heero glanced at Quatre, shocked that he knew Hentai Productions had a website. Trowa just gave Quatre a little smile and whispered something in his ear that made him blush.

"But, Trowa, someone might see!" he whispered with a giggle.

Trowa shrugged, what did they care? He gathered Quatre into his lap in a bundle and started placing little kisses along his jaw. Two seats over, Duo gave Heero a hopeful look that received only a typically cold response. The American pilot sighed and contented himself with watching the video.

"Not fair," he sighed sadly, "the video doesn't hug back." But he perked back up as another thought hit him. "But then Heero doesn't have breasts, either!"

"Nani?" Wufei gasped. He'd forgotten, Duo was bi. He'd be getting off on *both* parts of the video! He took another look at the screen.

The lady jumped up and down in place. "You can see why wearing a supportive bra is important. I'm not getting *any* support at all!"

"Hey, her hairdo kinda looks like Sally's, doesn't it?" Duo noticed.

Wufei just gathered some tissues into a big pile and pushed his face into it.

Meanwhile, the jock got back up and walked around to the back of the class, his look fixed on Heero's glare. Heero slowly rose to his feet and waited until the jock was directly in front of him.

"Skinny little queer runt," the jock sneered.

Duo gasped. He'd heard people ask to be put out of their misery before, but never in just four words!

Heero narrowed his eyes even further. "Ass-slapping overweight unevolved virgin."

Wufei briefly glanced at them, the nosebleed disappearing with the promise of anticipated violence. "Nothing wrong with being a virgin," he muttered.

Duo comfortingly patted his hand.

Shocked mostly by the last word, (since he didn't quite understand words past two syllables) the jock growled angrily and opened his mouth to hurl insults while raising his fist. Unfortunately, he had no idea that the boy before him was not as weak as his slender frame suggested. All he saw was a short kid who had just asked for an ass-whupping. (yes, say it with me, five foot one is not tall. But with their looks, it is kawaii as hell!)

"And now, on to the male body...most men only measure around five inches in length, and we've assembled this row of twenty men to demonstrate. Sirs, drop the pants--"

Wufei moaned and opened another box.

Heero reached into his spandex and somehow pulled out a small black ball which fit neatly into his hand. He pulled his arm back, then slammed it into the jock's open mouth. There was a surprised, muffled gulp as the jock swallowed. Heero moved quickly, sliding around the jock to open up a window and then pushing him out with little trouble. Making sure the jock was a safe distance away, he shut the window with a crazed smile and held out a detonator. There was a satisfying *click* as he pushed the button.

*boom*splat*

Duo looked up and spotted pieces of his attacker raining from the sky as blood splattered against the window glass. He grimaced at Heero's somewhat excessive retaliation, but his unease vanished as Heero started to stroke Duo's braid. Using it as a leash, he grabbed it and pulled Duo closer, stealing a rough kiss and making sure Duo couldn't move away.

The American pilot smiled around the kiss. Much better than any video.

The studly male on the screen grinned and held out a ruler. "As you can see, I happen to be an exception to the rule at eight inches with balls of steel."

His nosebleed slowed as Wufei's ego temporarily overrode his shyness. "Eight is above average? Then, I guess being nine is a good thing..." He wondered if Sally was free that night.

The bouncy lady came back on screen and nodded vigorously. "And now we'll demonstrate proper insertion!"

Flanked by the delightful arithmetic of three plus four and one plus two, with his scholarly attention stuck on the class lesson...Wufei didn't stand a chance. Fortunately, even though the class went deathly silent at that point, the ecstatic screams from the television hid the sound of a tissue box exploding in the back of the room.

The End

Duo: What? Is the video over?

Heero: Class has been over for about an hour now. We've just been...distracted.

Wufei: *groan*

Quatre: Hey, someone threw a pizza against the window!

Trowa: Not quite.

Quatre: Well, what is it then?

Heero: Number twenty-five offense, I think.

Quatre: Ewww!

Wufei: Headache...

Trowa: Uh oh...I think we'd better get Wufei to a doctor.

Duo: I know the perfect doctor!

Heero: What's Sally's number?

Wufei: No...weakness in front of a woman...no!

Heero: *dials, phone picks up* Hello, Sally? It's Wufei again.

Wufei: No! Injustice!