Gundam Wing Fan Fiction ❯ When Walls Come Tumbling Down ❯ When Walls Come Tumbling Down ( One-Shot )
[ X - Adult: No readers under 18. Contains Graphic Adult Themes/Extreme violence. ]
By: Flamika V 
*yaoi, lemon* 5x1 - After Mariemaia's fall, two souls just cannot adjust to the new era.
Anime/Manga: Gundam Wing Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Angst / Hentai / Romance | Type: One Shot | Uploaded On: 09.26.2002 | Pages: 5 | Words: 6.8K | Visits: 896 | Status: Completed
*yaoi, lemon* 5x1 - After Mariemaia's fall, two souls just cannot adjust to the new era.
Anime/Manga: Gundam Wing Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Angst / Hentai / Romance | Type: One Shot | Uploaded On: 09.26.2002 | Pages: 5 | Words: 6.8K | Visits: 896 | Status: Completed
WHEN WALLS COME TUMBLING DOWN
And when the walls come tumbling down
I will always be around
People don't know about
The things I say and do
They don't understand
About the shit that I've been through
It's been so long since I've been home
I've been gone
I've been gone for way too long
Maybe I forgot all the things I've missed
Oh, somehow I know
There's more to life than this
"Only God Knows Why"
Kid Rock
Wufei had a headache. A big one. He could feel it pulsing and throbbing at his temples like a demon crying for release, which he blatantly refused to give. Wufei didn't believe in aspirin. There wasn't any type of pain that he couldn't handle on his own. Any type of physical pain, at least. Matters of the heart and soul were different things entirely.
Grumbling under his breath, Wufei fumbled to insert his office key into the keyhole. He kept missing and jamming his fingers against cold metal. It didn't cause him any great pain, of course, but the sheer number of FAULTS he was making frustrated him to no end. Today was not going to be one of his better days.
After what seemed like an eternity, he managed to get the damned door open and entered his office, kicking the door shut with his foot to simply relish the loud bang it made and the way the walls trembled slightly with the aftershocks. Sally always joked about what a notorious door-slammer Wufei was and how they were going to have to get him an office with stronger walls before he ended up bringing the entire Preventers building down around their ears. Wufei always rolled his eyes at such a silly prospect, but today it seemed more likely than usual that he was going to cause damage to SOMETHING. Or someone.
//I shouldn't be like this// he told himself as he tossed his bag to the farthest corner of the office and plopped himself down in his chair. //I shouldn't be frozen in a perpetual state of rage. I should be content that everything is finally over. All over.//
The war had ended. The Gundam Altron was lying in ruins in one of China's forests. Wufei was free from the vise of constant battle. Nataku's spirit was free from where he had had it caged in his heart, not out of malevolence, but out of longing. And out of love.
Wufei buried his face in his hands, fingers digging into his bronze flesh. If someone saw him, he knew that it would probably look like he was some psycho trying to pull his own face off.
//Hah, if only they knew//
What he REALLY wanted to do was bang his head on the desk until he could knock some figurative sense into himself. Or get rid of throbbing headache pulsing angrily at his temples. But was it really the headache that was bothering him? Physical pain was such a petty thing, nothing that couldn't be dealt with if one had a sound, enlightened mind and the strength to take care of oneself. Wufei never obsessed over whatever injuries - minor or major - that plagued his body. His humiliating defeat by Treize Kushrenada was more agonizing than the time his martial arts master had broken Wufei's arm to teach the reluctant student what overzealous opponents would do to a member of the Dragon Clan that refused to fight.
No, it wasn't the headache that was burdening him - hindering his ability to work, to function, to LIVE. The source of this endless pain was his soul, his heart.
//What in the world is wrong with me? Everyone else has found their niche in life. Duo has Hilde and the salvage yard. Trowa and Quatre have each other. Relena, Zechs, and everyone else have their projects, their work. And Heero…//
Wufei suddenly felt all his mindless rage escape him in a weary sigh, trickling out of his system and leaving a horrible weakness in its wake. His elbows wobbled slightly, and he had no other choice but to lower his head to his desk, resting his cheek against the cool mahogany wood. A calm fell over his office as the fiery blood of rage stopped pounding in his ears. He could vaguely hear the voices of the other Preventers talking amongst each other in the main room, most of them getting ready to go home for the day. Wufei never left when the others did. He never did anything the others did.
Slowly, he let his misted onyx eyes slip closed, shutting out the sight his office's bland white walls. Thoughts raced through his mind, jabbering on about the report he needed to write, or the fact that he hadn't eaten supper yet. Then, thankfully, blissfully, the millions of scurrying details of life dissipated into nothing, and his mind became a complete blank. His breathing grew deep and even, his heartbeat slow and steady. But his mind didn't just shut down completely; it never did. Wufei couldn't remember the last time he had truly "rested." Sleep was a pleasure that he had been denied for as long as he could recall.
But for now, he had the silence, he had the absence of thought and feeling, and that was enough.
* * *
Wufei knew the minute Heero entered his office.
A strange thing, since it wasn't like Heero was senselessly loud, not like Duo. Heero was quiet, true, but there were many different kinds of "quiet." Trowa was calm quiet. Quatre was sweet quiet. Duo wasn't quiet at all. Wufei was violent quiet. Heero was…dangerous quiet. A silent rebel. Yes, Heero and Wufei's types of "quiet" went hand in hand.
Maybe that's why Heero could never hide his presence from Wufei.
Wufei sensed rather than heard the doorknob turning, not making a sound in the silence since Wufei had made goddamn SURE that the blasted thing wouldn't greet him with annoying squeaks whenever he entered or exited his office. The door opened slowly, but there was no meekness or timidity in that gesture. No fear of being yelled at. It was this complete absence of fear that had become one of Heero's distinguishing traits.
The door made one single creak as it opened only wide enough for a slender young man to ease himself through. At the sound of the creak, Wufei normally would have already had his gun in his hand and trained on the individual who had dared to intrude on his privacy. But this time he didn't. His hands remained limp, resting on the desktop with the fingers slightly curled, nerveless and immobile. He just lay there with his head still on his desk, feeling Heero's presence slowly creep into the office, filling the most distant corners of the room. Heero carried himself in a way that no other could hope to imitate. His presence in a room sang of strength, but it was a rather melancholy tune, as if he lamented the power he had been born with.
And of course, there was Heero's own personal scent. Dark, dangerous, and erotic in the air. So wonderfully uniquely, so deeply arousing. Like sex on the beach. Or rather, sex in an OZ prison cell, for that was the first place they had "done it" together.
Both of pairs of hands were bound by unbreakable manacles, denying them the simple joy of touch, but they had still had plenty to work with. Heero had straddled Wufei's lap, his shackled hands pressed flat against the wall above the other boy's head, out of the way while he rode him. First his thrusts had been slow, measured, painfully perfect and delightfully torturous, leaving Wufei to bite his tongue to avoid screaming for more. Wufei's own hands had been wrapped around Heero's swollen sex, pumping it in time with the other boy's thrusts, his own form of silent torture. It didn't take long for Heero's pace to pick up - to become wild and out-of-control, grinding his hips against the other pilot's, breath coming in short, fast gasps. Wufei couldn't resist thrusting up into the luscious, tight heat that had him cradled inside it. So hot and blinding, this pleasure consuming his senses. So forbidden. So good.
He had received the undeniable honor of hearing Heero Yuy scream his name in erotic pleasure as the boy climaxed, the cords of his throat throbbing as he flung his head back. Wufei had rocked forward to suckle on the soft, salty flesh of Heero's neck as he felt the other boy's muscles suddenly clamp down on him, the throbbing passage becoming even more wonderfully tight than before. Groaning into Heero's neck, Wufei had thrust up hard, impaling the boy completely before releasing himself deep inside Heero.
How brief, their little torrid relationship had been. One heated encounter in an OZ prison cell. But Wufei was almost ashamed to say that he had enjoyed every fleeting moment of it, everything from the sticky evidence of their passions on his hands to the way Heero had held him close afterwards, kissing him gently. He tried to fight the thoughts of Heero that clouded his mind after the war had ended, but all his efforts were in vain. He wanted the boy, and the need pulsing in his soul was like no other.
That was what seemed to be a long time ago. Too long.
//Why has he come back now? And to me, of all people? What have I to offer him?//
Wufei's heart skipped a beat as a blush fought to heat his skin. He knew he had at least ONE thing to offer Heero…
The shutting of his office door awakened him from his reflections. The sound was needlessly loud. Deliberately loud. In other words, Heero's way of announcing his presence without having to say anything - demanding to be recognized.
Normally, Wufei would never respond to such an order, albeit a silent one. If one wished to be deferred to by Chang Wufei, they had to work to earn his respect first. But this wasn't just anyone. This was Heero Yuy.
Slowly, he raised his head from the desktop, eyes drifting to the figure leaning against his closed door. Prussian blue met ink black as Heero locked his calm - if not defiant - gaze with Wufei's. Heero's mop of dark brown hair hung into his eyes, but he didn't seem to notice. Wufei swore that nothing could perturb this young man.
"Heero," Wufei said flatly, eyes narrowing into a glare that wasn't quite a glare. "I see you've finally returned from your journey into the great beyond."
The other man didn't make a reply, but Wufei hadn't really expected one.
"Where have you been?" Wufei asked, feigning disinterest as he picked up a pen that was lying discarded on his desktop.
"Places," Heero answered shortly as he wandered further into Wufei's office, hands in his pockets, eyes roving over the featureless walls with the same intensity which he studied everything, as if a blank wall held the same importance as a wall with lavish decorations.
"That tells me a whole lot," Wufei commented dryly, wondering what he could do to make himself look busy. "For a while, Duo and Quatre were yanking their hair out by the roots wondering where you had run off to."
"I wasn't running," Heero said coldly, leaning against the wall and folding his arms across his chest, wrinkling his denim jacket and green tank top.
"Of COURSE not," Wufei responded, surprised at the bitterness he felt seeping into his voice.
//Damn you, Heero. Had to come visit during one of my endless bouts of instability.//
"You're angry with me," Heero suddenly observed, blue eyes uncomfortably keen.
Wufei snorted, twirling the pen around in an attempt to occupy his idle hands. "Now why would I waste my time being angry with you? It's not like you would care anyways."
"Hn. You might be surprised," Heero said mysteriously as he pushed away from the wall and walked leisurely across the carpet in front of Wufei's desk, whose owner was trying very hard to ignore how the muscles of the other man's legs bunched and flexed within their denim constraints.
//Damn. Could his jeans BE any tighter?//
Wufei couldn't help letting his eyes wander to the rounded curve of Heero's backside, remembering how hot and tight the other boy was inside, the constricting heat wrapping around and stroking his sensitive flesh while he was sheathed within him…
"Do you have some business down here, Yuy?" Wufei demanded, frustrated with the fact that after all these years, his desire for Heero was still burning red hot. "I can't work with you prancing around my office."
"I'm sorry," Heero said flatly, eyes flickering towards Wufei. "Am I distracting you from twirling your pen around and around?"
Wufei's jaw clenched, and he pointed to the closed door with said pen. "Go home, Heero," he ordered, onyx eyes flashing angrily.
"I don't have a home," Heero said in a monotone, eyes still locked fearlessly onto Wufei's.
"Then go somewhere else," Wufei snapped heartlessly. "I have a report to write and you're distracting me."
"Why did you join the Preventers?" Heero suddenly asked, stalking over until he was standing right in front of Wufei's desk, staring intensely down at the ex-Gundam pilot.
Wufei glowered up at him. "I don't have to explain myself to you."
"Wufei…" Heero said warningly.
The Chinese pilot's jaw clenched. He hated it when people said his name like that. With particular stress on the "Wu" part.
A sharp retort rose to his lips, and he was about to give it voice when he suddenly saw a strange emotion flickering in the fathomless depths of Heero's Prussian blue eyes, cautiously peering from its place at the bottom of the ex-soldier's heart. Wufei didn't know what it was, but it killed the harsh words on his tongue.
He tore his gaze away from Heero's eyes and studied the clutter on his desktop. "It wasn't like I had anywhere else to go," he said, trying to make his voice as monotonous as possible.
"Hn," Heero grunted, suddenly shifting so that he was half-leaning/half-sitting on the edge of Wufei's desk, one well-muscled leg dangling off the edge while the other was somewhat propped up on the mahogany desk, carefully situated so it didn't knock over the canister of pens and pencils that Wufei had resting on the desktop.
Wufei blinked in surprise as the body he had been shamelessly admiring seconds before was suddenly so much closer than he would have liked. Fantasies of pushing Heero down onto the desktop and ravaging him right there in the office floated through Wufei's mind, but he hurriedly shoved them away.
Leaping up from his chair, Wufei moved stiffly to gather his things. "I'm going home," he announced tightly.
Heero was unfazed. "Where do you live?" he asked calmly.
Wufei's heart suddenly started thudding loudly in his chest. "I…have quarters here in the Preventers building."
//He better not ask to stay the night. There's only one bed. One SMALL bed, and I'm already ready to jump his bones as it is…//
"I'm going with you," Heero suddenly declared. "I'd like to see the quarters here."
Wufei turned to the other man with a scowl on his face. "If you're thinking about joining the Preventers, you can ask Une or Sally for the grand tour tomorrow, understand?"
Heero pivoted his head to look him right in the eye. "I'm going with you," he said firmly.
And so ended THAT conversation.
* * *
//What the hell am I doing?// Wufei wondered furiously as he fumbled with the key to his quarters. //I KNOW what's going to happen if he stays the night. But I…I WANT it to happen…no…maybe I can get him to sleep in the bathtub or something…//
Wufei cast a sideways glance at where Heero was standing slightly behind him, not TERRIBLY close but close enough that Wufei could feel gentle waves of heat drifting off his body. It then occurred to him that it had been a while since he had stood close enough to someone to actually feel their body heat. And enjoyed it. Usually, being in such close proximity to any person made him think of large crowds of hot, sweaty bodies. Wufei hated crowds. And he hated sweat. Blood, sweat and tears. Precisely what this new peaceful era had been built with.
"There," he grumbled to himself as he heard the lock open with an amused click. He quickly rushed in so he wouldn't have to hold the door open and risk the chances of Heero brushing against him.
He walked over the closet and tossed his bag inside, trying not to notice as Heero strode into the small room, closing the door with a resounding click that seemed far too loud in the silence. Heero's scent and presence filled the cold, miniscule room with frightening swiftness. They almost seemed to be making themselves comfortable.
"Roomy," Heero deadpanned, eyes taking in small quarters with the small, neatly made bed against one wall and the dark window that completely filled the other wall. A door next to the closet lead to an adjoining bathroom, but other than that, the room was featureless and cramped.
"I know it's a little hole in the wall," Wufei grumbled as he shut the closet door and leaned against it, trying to keep as much distance between himself and Heero as possible. "But it's MY little hole in the wall, and it's all I need."
"Hn. All you need?" Heero echoed, his back to Wufei as he strode over to the window, hands still shoved in his pockets, drawing the material of his jeans taut over his backside.
Wufei wasn't sure precisely sure what Heero meant by that statement and so he only watched as the other man raised his elbows and rested them against the windowsill, the night surrounding his figure like a dark halo. Silence reigned uncomfortably in the room. A siren sounded in the distance, warbling as it drew closer and then farther and farther away, until it faded into nothing.
Finally, Wufei couldn't take the silence any longer. He cherished quiet and peacefulness, but this was not peace that was settled in his soul. It was unrest and edginess, and he was certain Heero was the cause of it.
"What are you doing here?" Wufei asked of Heero's back. "Does anyone else know that the famous Heero Yuy has reemerged from the shadows?"
"No," Heero replied, not bothering to turn around.
Sloe-dark eyes blinked in surprise. "What? You mean you haven't gone to see Duo or Relena yet?"
"No," was the deadpan answer.
"I was the first one you came to see?"
"Yes."
//What does it mean?//
"Why would you come to see me first?" Wufei demanded suspiciously.
"I had to come see you," Heero said, like it was the most obvious thing in the world.
Wufei's heart skipped a beat. "You what?" he asked dumbly, voice quiet.
"Just what exactly do you think you're doing here, Wufei?" Heero suddenly asked, whirling around so that his eyes locked onto the other man's.
Wufei's face darkened. "Doing where?"
An emotion that looked like anger crossed Heero's features. "Here," he clipped, eyes panning around the small room even though he was referring to something far more vast. "In the Preventers. Why did you join?"
"Sally asked me to," Wufei deadpanned.
"That's not what you told me before," Heero jumped in immediately, voice cold. "You told me that you didn't have anywhere else to go."
"That too."
"You're avoiding the question, Wufei."
"I'm getting the impression that you're angry with me."
This time a definite flash of emotion crossed Heero's face before it was gone in the next instant. "And you're angry with me, Wufei," he said in that deep monotone of his.
Wufei suddenly couldn't bear to look upon Heero any longer. Those impossibly deep Prussian blue eyes. The strong, well-muscled body. The night-filled window behind him making his figure faintly shadowy at the edges. With a snort, he whirled away from Heero, violently stripping the Preventers jacket off his shoulders in the same fluid motion.
"I don't see any reason for you to be angry with me," Wufei snapped, finding it much easier to talk now that he didn't have Heero's alluring figure blazing in his eyes. Instead of hanging up his jacket like he usually did, he simply chucked it to the floor of his closet, toeing his shoes off and discarding them in there as well.
"I've done nothing to you," Wufei continued, shutting his closet door with a bang but refusing to turn around to face Heero. "All I'm trying to do is lead a…peaceful existence."
"What you're leading is a false existence," Heero said flatly, but Wufei felt the wave of resentment that struck him in back, forcing him to whirl around in an angry haze.
"False existence?!" Wufei demanded, clenching his hands into fists. "Explain, Yuy."
Prussian blue eyes glared at him from under a mop of dark brown bangs. "I think you know what I'm talking about."
Wufei matched him glare for glare. "No, apparently I DON'T."
Heero's jaw clenched in one last ditch effort to contain the words that were threatening to spill from his lips, but naturally, it failed. "What you're doing here in the Preventers is no different from what we did during the war. Wufei, you're not LIVING, you're only SURVIVING. Fighting for your life as surely as you fought for it during the war. The times changed without you, and here you are: trying to lead a pathetic excuse for a life. It's false, all of it."
A deep scowl came to Wufei's face as bitter rage stung the back of his throat. "False it may be!" he exclaimed. "But at least it's SOMETHING!! It's more than what you did! What was with the vanishing act, Heero?! No one has seen you for half a year and all of sudden you appear in my office spouting all this morbid philosophical nonsense at me! When did you get your twisted ideals so perfectly in order that you think that you can come here and tell ME what's wrong with the life I'm leading!"
"You're living in lies, Wufei," Heero said coldly, eyes glittering.
"Better than running from them, you coward!" Wufei retorted viciously.
"You haven't the right to call me a coward," Heero seethed. "You know nothing about what I've been feeling these past six months."
"You know what? You're absolutely correct," Wufei snapped mockingly. "I don't know how you feel because you and I ARE NOTHING ALIKE, to use your words."
Heero's response was a deathglare of apocalyptic proportions, his full lips twisting into what could almost be considered a sneer. Instead of answering, he shoved away from the window, his movements stiff and jerky, speaking in volumes. Suddenly he lifted his hands and wrapped his fingers around the lapels of his denim jacket, stripping it off his shoulders in one deft motion, exposing the bare skin of his arms to Wufei's surprised eyes. Six months hadn't destroyed the muscles in Heero's lean arms, and Wufei couldn't help but stare as the other man turned his back to him and draped his jacket calmly over the back of the desk's chair. Only instead of whirling around to face Wufei, Heero clutched the back of the chair in a death grip, hunching over slightly and lowering his head so that his messy brown hair swooped forward to hide his eyes.
//What's wrong with him?//
Wufei was worried, but he refused to allow himself to express such an emotion. He didn't want to become involved with anyone or anything right now.
"Don't go making yourself at home," he forced himself to say coldly. "If you came here looking for pity, then there's the door."
Wufei might have detected a faint trembling in Heero's broad shoulders, but he quickly convinced himself that he was seeing things. Weakness in Heero Yuy was unheard of…
"Seriously, Yuy," Wufei continued, mouth moving of its own volition now. "I have no idea why you've come back after all this time but-"
"I thought I could handle it," Heero suddenly said, something in his voice making the harsh words on Wufei's tongue vanish into nothing.
"I wanted peace as much as anyone did," Heero continued, and this time it was definite. His shoulders were shaking. "I didn't want to have to fight any longer. Too much death. Too much blood. And so I strove to build this peaceful world. But…once it was all over…I realized that I had been fighting for everyone but myself. I constructed this world for Relena, for the citizens of Earth and the colonies…everyone but myself. I fought for everyone's happiness but my own. The ultimate act of selflessness. I suppose that makes me a fucking SAINT, doesn't it?"
Wufei was shocked. How could Heero feel this way? In his mind's eye, he saw Wing Zero plummeting into the ocean, choosing the silence at the bottom of the sea rather than the raging battle that Wufei and Nataku were waging against it. And he heard Heero's voice: "Tell me, Wufei…tell me…" He sensed a soul weary of killing, a soul lusting for peace. And Wufei felt the loneliness festering in his own heart. Wing Zero was gone. Heero was gone. He was all alone.
//Heero…//
"I thought I was strong enough to handle it," Heero continued, his monotone fighting a loosing battle with his emotions. "I really did. No more war. No more battles. But…the silence, the absence of EVERYTHING came soon after peace was declared. I felt like I had lost a piece of myself. My world came tumbling down around my ears, and I was almost buried with it. You vanished right after Mariemaia's fall, Wufei, and I was afraid the new era had destroyed you as well. I was scared and so I ran. And I hid, like the coward you said I was."
He suddenly released his death grip on the back of the chair and straightened, his hair falling back from his face as he let his eyes drift over to where Wufei was standing, dumbstruck. "But then I come back," Heero said softly. "And I see that the warrior's fire hasn't gone out of your eyes, Wufei. You are still proud, defiant…beautiful, like the dragon you are often referred to as. Your heart is still wild."
"Heero…" The name slipped past Wufei's lips before he could stop it.
"I'm happy that I got the chance to see you again," Heero said with heartbreaking sincerity. "I really missed you, Wufei."
Those words stole Wufei's voice from his throat - hell, they stole his whole damn heart from his chest. It was only then that he realized that he had missed Heero as well. Missed him more than anything in the world. He wanted so desperately to say something - anything - to express what he was feeling, but words failed him.
So he could only watch mutely as Heero tore his gaze away from him and walked slowly over to the bed, radiating insecurity as he seated himself on the edge, springs creaking slightly under his unfamiliar weight. He ran questing fingertips over the smooth comforter, tracing the abstract designs as if they were the most fascinating things in the universe. He started to lie down, but he suddenly seemed to have second thoughts and removed his boots before tentatively laying his head on the pillow, raising his legs and resting them cautiously on the bed as well. All of his movements were tense and timid, as if the softness of the pillow and mattress were alien to him.
"Been a long time since I've slept in a bed," Heero commented, staring vacantly up at the ceiling, eyes unfocused.
"Where have you been all this time?" Wufei asked quietly, trying to the ignore the fact that seeing Heero lying on his bed sent pleasurable shivers coursing down his body.
"I wish I could tell you," Heero murmured. "But I really don't know. I just walked the world for what seemed like forever. It was all so different, so new. I hated it, but I loved it at the same time."
"I know how that feels," Wufei said, more to himself than to Heero. Before he knew what he was doing, he was moving away from his position in front of the closet door, his feet taking him up to the side of the bed that Heero was sprawled limply across. Prussian blue eyes suddenly came back into clear focus and flicked in Wufei's direction, staring up at him evenly from underneath thick lashes.
//He's so beautiful…//
Carefully, Wufei reached out with gentle fingers and touched Heero's shoulder, fingertips lightly stroking the warm, silken flesh. How long had it been since had had willingly touched another person like this? Simple friction of skin sliding over skin, fleeting touch though it was. Heero's skin was smooth and firm, flawless except for the pair of twin scars a little ways down on his bicep, evidence of just what a grueling war it had been.
He tapped Heero on the shoulder. "Move over."
For a moment, Heero just blinked up at him, but then he rolled over onto his side as Wufei slowly eased himself onto the bed beside Heero, lying on his side so that he was face to face with the other man, breathing in his dangerous scent and feeling his warmth all around him. Lightly, he stroked Heero's arm with his entire hand this time, loving the feel of the muscles underneath the taut skin and the strong curve of his shoulder.
All the while, his eyes stared into Heero's, unable to look away. It wasn't so much the color of the other man's eyes that mesmerized him so much as what was held in their unseen depths. Heero had very honest eyes. People often called Heero emotionless, something that was very far from the truth. If Heero was feeling anything, it almost always showed deep in his eyes. You just had to know where to look.
And now those beautiful eyes had so many different emotions flickering inside them that the sheer force of them combined made Wufei's heart pound out of control in his chest. He wondered if all he was feeling was reflected in his eyes as well.
"I missed you, Heero," Wufei suddenly confessed, lost in those blue eyes. "Why did you leave me behind? Why?"
Heero's face softened, the guarded look in his eyes easing as he gently removed Wufei's hand from his shoulder, tenderly kissing the inside of his wrist. "I'm sorry," he murmured, eyes locked onto Wufei's even as he rubbed the soft flesh with his thumb.
Heero's name escaped his lips in a single breathless exclamation before Wufei closed the inches separating them, meshing his mouth over the other man's. The lips beneath his were as soft as he remembered, and just as willing. He ran his tongue along them, tracing the familiar contours of the tender flesh. Heero gasped softly and opened his mouth, which Wufei eagerly plunged his tongue into, moaning as he reveled in the hot, wet cavern. Heero suddenly rolled onto his back, taking Wufei with him.
Dragging his mouth away from Heero's hungry one, Wufei trailed hot kisses down his jaw until he reached his neck, remembered how sensitive Heero was there. He ran his tongue blindly over the heated skin until he found a place where Heero's pulse was throbbing wildly. Immediately, he latched onto this area, sucking gently on the flesh, pushing his tongue against it again and again, lost in the taste of what was so divinely Heero that it could never be mistaken for any other.
"Right there," Heero gasped breathlessly, tugging Wufei's shirt out of his pants with rough hands.
"You sure you want this, Heero?" Wufei asked needlessly, right before he ran his tongue up the entire length of Heero's throat.
Heero's only response was to groan loudly and dig his head back into the pillow to give Wufei better access to his neck. Wufei needed no other encouragement, not with Heero's alluring scent surrounding him, taking him over. Still sucking on Heero's throat, he slid his hands underneath the man's shirt, running them all over the heaving belly before letting his callused fingertips graze a pair of sensitive nipples. Heero jumped at the unexpected caress, then began to writhe in pleasure as he felt his nipples being pinched softly, then rubbed in slow, torturous circles until they were hard.
"Take this OFF," Heero growled, yanking on Wufei's shirt, his voice sending soft rumbles along the length of his throat.
Wufei smiled into the flesh of Heero's neck and gave the man's nipples one last pinch before straightening up, moving so that he was straddling Heero's hips. He hesitated a moment to drink in the sight of Heero beneath him - muscled stomach exposed by the rumpled tank top, lips full and swollen, eyes heavy-lidded with passion. Had he ever wanted or cared for anyone as much as this man?
Quickly, Wufei grabbed the hem of his own shirt and lifted it, blind for a second as the cloth slid over his head. Heero's warm body suddenly shifted beneath his, and before Wufei knew what was happening, he felt a hot, wet mouth close over one of his nipples, equally hot hands slipping around his waist and running up and down his naked back. A gasp escaped his lips as his shirt fell from his nerveless fingers.
"Heero," he moaned, burying his fingers in the man's dark hair and pulling him closer, never wanting to let him go. Heero continued to lap tenderly at the taut nipple before his tongue traced a line of fire across Wufei's chest to the other one, taking it into his mouth and suckling ferociously, tongue swirling around it wildly. Wufei gripped Heero tighter and moaned in ecstasy, letting the pleasure created by Heero's ministrations rush straight to the pool of fire between his legs.
"I'd almost forgotten how you taste," Heero whispered feverishly, licking Wufei's chest lovingly.
"I'd almost forgotten what it feels like to hold you," Wufei murmured just as heatedly, hands running all over Heero's strong back.
"Show me, Wufei," Heero gasped as his mouth once again found a taut nipple. "Show me how to live."
* * *
Times change. People change. Wufei knew that alterations were necessary for the evolution of mankind as a whole. It was truly all an "endless waltz." Everything lives. Everything dies. But some things don't change. Heero Yuy and Chang Wufei were two of those things. Wufei lived by the sword, and he would die by the sword. Heero was raised an assassin, and an assassin he would always remain, at least in his heart of hearts. No one else could understand this because, in all reality, Heero and Wufei were the last of their kinds. The Perfect Soldier and the only surviving member of the Dragon Clan.
They were two individuals in this new age of peace that would remain constant. Heero would always be a soldier, and Wufei would always be a warrior. Peace and war could rage right outside their window, and their sacred union would still be the same. The Earth could be destroyed by a firestorm or an arctic freeze, but neither would change the feeling of Heero in his arms, skin like satin, muscles like liquid steel.
He trembled a bit and raked blunt fingernails across Wufei's back when the other man slid inside him, but his tight, throbbing passage stretched to accommodate the lover whose touch he had been missing for nearly three years. It was all the same. The raging heat inside Heero. The scent of him. The wild presence that demanded release. Wufei buried his face in Heero's neck and began to thrust in and out of him violently, knowing that the other man would not shatter like glass in his arms. Heero moved with him in the same wild, savagely harmonious rhythm, heated confessions falling from his lips in between gasps.
It was so delightfully dangerous. The door was unlocked. The walls in the quarters were thin. But Wufei didn't care. Throwing all caution out the window, he screamed Heero's name with all his heart's desire as he released his seed inside the other man, not even noticing when Heero bit down on his naked shoulder to drown out the sounds of his own climax, letting them instead wash over the heated skin of his lover.
Oblivion came calling for him then, and Wufei barely had enough energy to slide out of Heero and roll off of him, pressing a blind kiss on his lips as he did so. The last things he remembered were Heero curling up against him and a blissful silence descending over the room.
* * *
Wufei watched through half-closed, sated eyes as the ceiling fan spun slowly on the ceiling, its blades creaking ominously. Every morning, he always woke up and lay in his cold, empty bed, keen black eyes tracing the languid motions of that annoying fan. But today, the fan didn't seem so annoying. His bed wasn't cold, and neither was it empty.
Heero was still asleep with his head resting on Wufei's chest, pressed up against his flank with one leg flung over the smaller man's hips, his breathing slow and even. The scents of sex and Heero still hung in the air, and Wufei breathed them in deeply. He hadn't felt this way in a long time. He had always had the feeling that something was missing from his life. Every morning, he almost regarded the coming dawn with a sense of detachment, not at all thrilled about what the day would bring. He hadn't known the source of that feeling until last night, when Heero had abruptly reentered his life and had laid the truth before him, humiliating though it was.
It scared him, this new peaceful world. Scared him so badly that Wufei, like Heero, had chosen to remain voluntarily caught in limbo, a soldier frozen in time, unable to adapt to a world where he really had no place to exist. It seemed the entire universe had changed, churning into a massive whirlwind and whisking away, leaving redundant soldiers like Wufei and Heero behind in the cold. Ever since Mariemaia's downfall, Wufei had been struggling to keep up with and fit into a world that kept shoving him away and spitting him out, unable to stomach the taste of his bloody hands and warrior's spirit. He had thought he was alone in his feelings.
Absently, he stroked Heero's naked back, fingertips ghosting across the smooth flesh. Though still asleep, Heero responded by sighing softly and nestling closer to his lover, tucking his head under Wufei's chin, seeking warmth and comfort even in the realm of the unconscious. Wufei smiled and pressed a kiss into Heero's hair, breathing in his scent contentedly.
Yes, even in this peaceful world, Heero's scent of danger still remained, out-of-place and outdated though it was. Just like Wufei's archaic sense of justice and his strict adherence to cherished traditions. Two sides of the same coin.
Maybe, possibly, this was happiness lying his arms, leg thrown over his hips, arm draped across his chest protectively. Maybe this was love.
Even as Wufei lazily pondered these things, he knew no answers would come to him, and for the first time, he wasn't bothered by the fact that his questions would go unanswered. This world was not enough for souls like himself and Heero; it didn't have the answers that Wufei was always demanding. But the past was now behind him, the present standing motionless in a perpetual state of bliss rather than misery.
And the future was there like it always was, winding out in front of him in dozens of twists and turns, roads cavorting with one another like lovers in the endless waltz of life. Wufei used to fear getting lost or swallowed up by those hungry destinies, alone in his fate. But now that he wasn't alone any longer, the future didn't seem so bad.
He had Heero at his side, in his arms, in his heart. And that was enough to last him an eternity.
~fin
Still I ain't seen mine
No, I ain't seen mine
Been giving just ain't been getting
I've been walking that there line
So I guess I'll keep on walking
With my head held high
I'll keep moving on
And only God knows why
"Only God Knows Why"
Kid Rock
~*~*~*~*~
I'm a renegade survivor
A new age warrior
And I'm trapped in the universe
Searching for the future
"Renegade Survivor"
Wailing Souls
And when the walls come tumbling down
I will always be around
People don't know about
The things I say and do
They don't understand
About the shit that I've been through
It's been so long since I've been home
I've been gone
I've been gone for way too long
Maybe I forgot all the things I've missed
Oh, somehow I know
There's more to life than this
"Only God Knows Why"
Kid Rock
Wufei had a headache. A big one. He could feel it pulsing and throbbing at his temples like a demon crying for release, which he blatantly refused to give. Wufei didn't believe in aspirin. There wasn't any type of pain that he couldn't handle on his own. Any type of physical pain, at least. Matters of the heart and soul were different things entirely.
Grumbling under his breath, Wufei fumbled to insert his office key into the keyhole. He kept missing and jamming his fingers against cold metal. It didn't cause him any great pain, of course, but the sheer number of FAULTS he was making frustrated him to no end. Today was not going to be one of his better days.
After what seemed like an eternity, he managed to get the damned door open and entered his office, kicking the door shut with his foot to simply relish the loud bang it made and the way the walls trembled slightly with the aftershocks. Sally always joked about what a notorious door-slammer Wufei was and how they were going to have to get him an office with stronger walls before he ended up bringing the entire Preventers building down around their ears. Wufei always rolled his eyes at such a silly prospect, but today it seemed more likely than usual that he was going to cause damage to SOMETHING. Or someone.
//I shouldn't be like this// he told himself as he tossed his bag to the farthest corner of the office and plopped himself down in his chair. //I shouldn't be frozen in a perpetual state of rage. I should be content that everything is finally over. All over.//
The war had ended. The Gundam Altron was lying in ruins in one of China's forests. Wufei was free from the vise of constant battle. Nataku's spirit was free from where he had had it caged in his heart, not out of malevolence, but out of longing. And out of love.
Wufei buried his face in his hands, fingers digging into his bronze flesh. If someone saw him, he knew that it would probably look like he was some psycho trying to pull his own face off.
//Hah, if only they knew//
What he REALLY wanted to do was bang his head on the desk until he could knock some figurative sense into himself. Or get rid of throbbing headache pulsing angrily at his temples. But was it really the headache that was bothering him? Physical pain was such a petty thing, nothing that couldn't be dealt with if one had a sound, enlightened mind and the strength to take care of oneself. Wufei never obsessed over whatever injuries - minor or major - that plagued his body. His humiliating defeat by Treize Kushrenada was more agonizing than the time his martial arts master had broken Wufei's arm to teach the reluctant student what overzealous opponents would do to a member of the Dragon Clan that refused to fight.
No, it wasn't the headache that was burdening him - hindering his ability to work, to function, to LIVE. The source of this endless pain was his soul, his heart.
//What in the world is wrong with me? Everyone else has found their niche in life. Duo has Hilde and the salvage yard. Trowa and Quatre have each other. Relena, Zechs, and everyone else have their projects, their work. And Heero…//
Wufei suddenly felt all his mindless rage escape him in a weary sigh, trickling out of his system and leaving a horrible weakness in its wake. His elbows wobbled slightly, and he had no other choice but to lower his head to his desk, resting his cheek against the cool mahogany wood. A calm fell over his office as the fiery blood of rage stopped pounding in his ears. He could vaguely hear the voices of the other Preventers talking amongst each other in the main room, most of them getting ready to go home for the day. Wufei never left when the others did. He never did anything the others did.
Slowly, he let his misted onyx eyes slip closed, shutting out the sight his office's bland white walls. Thoughts raced through his mind, jabbering on about the report he needed to write, or the fact that he hadn't eaten supper yet. Then, thankfully, blissfully, the millions of scurrying details of life dissipated into nothing, and his mind became a complete blank. His breathing grew deep and even, his heartbeat slow and steady. But his mind didn't just shut down completely; it never did. Wufei couldn't remember the last time he had truly "rested." Sleep was a pleasure that he had been denied for as long as he could recall.
But for now, he had the silence, he had the absence of thought and feeling, and that was enough.
* * *
Wufei knew the minute Heero entered his office.
A strange thing, since it wasn't like Heero was senselessly loud, not like Duo. Heero was quiet, true, but there were many different kinds of "quiet." Trowa was calm quiet. Quatre was sweet quiet. Duo wasn't quiet at all. Wufei was violent quiet. Heero was…dangerous quiet. A silent rebel. Yes, Heero and Wufei's types of "quiet" went hand in hand.
Maybe that's why Heero could never hide his presence from Wufei.
Wufei sensed rather than heard the doorknob turning, not making a sound in the silence since Wufei had made goddamn SURE that the blasted thing wouldn't greet him with annoying squeaks whenever he entered or exited his office. The door opened slowly, but there was no meekness or timidity in that gesture. No fear of being yelled at. It was this complete absence of fear that had become one of Heero's distinguishing traits.
The door made one single creak as it opened only wide enough for a slender young man to ease himself through. At the sound of the creak, Wufei normally would have already had his gun in his hand and trained on the individual who had dared to intrude on his privacy. But this time he didn't. His hands remained limp, resting on the desktop with the fingers slightly curled, nerveless and immobile. He just lay there with his head still on his desk, feeling Heero's presence slowly creep into the office, filling the most distant corners of the room. Heero carried himself in a way that no other could hope to imitate. His presence in a room sang of strength, but it was a rather melancholy tune, as if he lamented the power he had been born with.
And of course, there was Heero's own personal scent. Dark, dangerous, and erotic in the air. So wonderfully uniquely, so deeply arousing. Like sex on the beach. Or rather, sex in an OZ prison cell, for that was the first place they had "done it" together.
Both of pairs of hands were bound by unbreakable manacles, denying them the simple joy of touch, but they had still had plenty to work with. Heero had straddled Wufei's lap, his shackled hands pressed flat against the wall above the other boy's head, out of the way while he rode him. First his thrusts had been slow, measured, painfully perfect and delightfully torturous, leaving Wufei to bite his tongue to avoid screaming for more. Wufei's own hands had been wrapped around Heero's swollen sex, pumping it in time with the other boy's thrusts, his own form of silent torture. It didn't take long for Heero's pace to pick up - to become wild and out-of-control, grinding his hips against the other pilot's, breath coming in short, fast gasps. Wufei couldn't resist thrusting up into the luscious, tight heat that had him cradled inside it. So hot and blinding, this pleasure consuming his senses. So forbidden. So good.
He had received the undeniable honor of hearing Heero Yuy scream his name in erotic pleasure as the boy climaxed, the cords of his throat throbbing as he flung his head back. Wufei had rocked forward to suckle on the soft, salty flesh of Heero's neck as he felt the other boy's muscles suddenly clamp down on him, the throbbing passage becoming even more wonderfully tight than before. Groaning into Heero's neck, Wufei had thrust up hard, impaling the boy completely before releasing himself deep inside Heero.
How brief, their little torrid relationship had been. One heated encounter in an OZ prison cell. But Wufei was almost ashamed to say that he had enjoyed every fleeting moment of it, everything from the sticky evidence of their passions on his hands to the way Heero had held him close afterwards, kissing him gently. He tried to fight the thoughts of Heero that clouded his mind after the war had ended, but all his efforts were in vain. He wanted the boy, and the need pulsing in his soul was like no other.
That was what seemed to be a long time ago. Too long.
//Why has he come back now? And to me, of all people? What have I to offer him?//
Wufei's heart skipped a beat as a blush fought to heat his skin. He knew he had at least ONE thing to offer Heero…
The shutting of his office door awakened him from his reflections. The sound was needlessly loud. Deliberately loud. In other words, Heero's way of announcing his presence without having to say anything - demanding to be recognized.
Normally, Wufei would never respond to such an order, albeit a silent one. If one wished to be deferred to by Chang Wufei, they had to work to earn his respect first. But this wasn't just anyone. This was Heero Yuy.
Slowly, he raised his head from the desktop, eyes drifting to the figure leaning against his closed door. Prussian blue met ink black as Heero locked his calm - if not defiant - gaze with Wufei's. Heero's mop of dark brown hair hung into his eyes, but he didn't seem to notice. Wufei swore that nothing could perturb this young man.
"Heero," Wufei said flatly, eyes narrowing into a glare that wasn't quite a glare. "I see you've finally returned from your journey into the great beyond."
The other man didn't make a reply, but Wufei hadn't really expected one.
"Where have you been?" Wufei asked, feigning disinterest as he picked up a pen that was lying discarded on his desktop.
"Places," Heero answered shortly as he wandered further into Wufei's office, hands in his pockets, eyes roving over the featureless walls with the same intensity which he studied everything, as if a blank wall held the same importance as a wall with lavish decorations.
"That tells me a whole lot," Wufei commented dryly, wondering what he could do to make himself look busy. "For a while, Duo and Quatre were yanking their hair out by the roots wondering where you had run off to."
"I wasn't running," Heero said coldly, leaning against the wall and folding his arms across his chest, wrinkling his denim jacket and green tank top.
"Of COURSE not," Wufei responded, surprised at the bitterness he felt seeping into his voice.
//Damn you, Heero. Had to come visit during one of my endless bouts of instability.//
"You're angry with me," Heero suddenly observed, blue eyes uncomfortably keen.
Wufei snorted, twirling the pen around in an attempt to occupy his idle hands. "Now why would I waste my time being angry with you? It's not like you would care anyways."
"Hn. You might be surprised," Heero said mysteriously as he pushed away from the wall and walked leisurely across the carpet in front of Wufei's desk, whose owner was trying very hard to ignore how the muscles of the other man's legs bunched and flexed within their denim constraints.
//Damn. Could his jeans BE any tighter?//
Wufei couldn't help letting his eyes wander to the rounded curve of Heero's backside, remembering how hot and tight the other boy was inside, the constricting heat wrapping around and stroking his sensitive flesh while he was sheathed within him…
"Do you have some business down here, Yuy?" Wufei demanded, frustrated with the fact that after all these years, his desire for Heero was still burning red hot. "I can't work with you prancing around my office."
"I'm sorry," Heero said flatly, eyes flickering towards Wufei. "Am I distracting you from twirling your pen around and around?"
Wufei's jaw clenched, and he pointed to the closed door with said pen. "Go home, Heero," he ordered, onyx eyes flashing angrily.
"I don't have a home," Heero said in a monotone, eyes still locked fearlessly onto Wufei's.
"Then go somewhere else," Wufei snapped heartlessly. "I have a report to write and you're distracting me."
"Why did you join the Preventers?" Heero suddenly asked, stalking over until he was standing right in front of Wufei's desk, staring intensely down at the ex-Gundam pilot.
Wufei glowered up at him. "I don't have to explain myself to you."
"Wufei…" Heero said warningly.
The Chinese pilot's jaw clenched. He hated it when people said his name like that. With particular stress on the "Wu" part.
A sharp retort rose to his lips, and he was about to give it voice when he suddenly saw a strange emotion flickering in the fathomless depths of Heero's Prussian blue eyes, cautiously peering from its place at the bottom of the ex-soldier's heart. Wufei didn't know what it was, but it killed the harsh words on his tongue.
He tore his gaze away from Heero's eyes and studied the clutter on his desktop. "It wasn't like I had anywhere else to go," he said, trying to make his voice as monotonous as possible.
"Hn," Heero grunted, suddenly shifting so that he was half-leaning/half-sitting on the edge of Wufei's desk, one well-muscled leg dangling off the edge while the other was somewhat propped up on the mahogany desk, carefully situated so it didn't knock over the canister of pens and pencils that Wufei had resting on the desktop.
Wufei blinked in surprise as the body he had been shamelessly admiring seconds before was suddenly so much closer than he would have liked. Fantasies of pushing Heero down onto the desktop and ravaging him right there in the office floated through Wufei's mind, but he hurriedly shoved them away.
Leaping up from his chair, Wufei moved stiffly to gather his things. "I'm going home," he announced tightly.
Heero was unfazed. "Where do you live?" he asked calmly.
Wufei's heart suddenly started thudding loudly in his chest. "I…have quarters here in the Preventers building."
//He better not ask to stay the night. There's only one bed. One SMALL bed, and I'm already ready to jump his bones as it is…//
"I'm going with you," Heero suddenly declared. "I'd like to see the quarters here."
Wufei turned to the other man with a scowl on his face. "If you're thinking about joining the Preventers, you can ask Une or Sally for the grand tour tomorrow, understand?"
Heero pivoted his head to look him right in the eye. "I'm going with you," he said firmly.
And so ended THAT conversation.
* * *
//What the hell am I doing?// Wufei wondered furiously as he fumbled with the key to his quarters. //I KNOW what's going to happen if he stays the night. But I…I WANT it to happen…no…maybe I can get him to sleep in the bathtub or something…//
Wufei cast a sideways glance at where Heero was standing slightly behind him, not TERRIBLY close but close enough that Wufei could feel gentle waves of heat drifting off his body. It then occurred to him that it had been a while since he had stood close enough to someone to actually feel their body heat. And enjoyed it. Usually, being in such close proximity to any person made him think of large crowds of hot, sweaty bodies. Wufei hated crowds. And he hated sweat. Blood, sweat and tears. Precisely what this new peaceful era had been built with.
"There," he grumbled to himself as he heard the lock open with an amused click. He quickly rushed in so he wouldn't have to hold the door open and risk the chances of Heero brushing against him.
He walked over the closet and tossed his bag inside, trying not to notice as Heero strode into the small room, closing the door with a resounding click that seemed far too loud in the silence. Heero's scent and presence filled the cold, miniscule room with frightening swiftness. They almost seemed to be making themselves comfortable.
"Roomy," Heero deadpanned, eyes taking in small quarters with the small, neatly made bed against one wall and the dark window that completely filled the other wall. A door next to the closet lead to an adjoining bathroom, but other than that, the room was featureless and cramped.
"I know it's a little hole in the wall," Wufei grumbled as he shut the closet door and leaned against it, trying to keep as much distance between himself and Heero as possible. "But it's MY little hole in the wall, and it's all I need."
"Hn. All you need?" Heero echoed, his back to Wufei as he strode over to the window, hands still shoved in his pockets, drawing the material of his jeans taut over his backside.
Wufei wasn't sure precisely sure what Heero meant by that statement and so he only watched as the other man raised his elbows and rested them against the windowsill, the night surrounding his figure like a dark halo. Silence reigned uncomfortably in the room. A siren sounded in the distance, warbling as it drew closer and then farther and farther away, until it faded into nothing.
Finally, Wufei couldn't take the silence any longer. He cherished quiet and peacefulness, but this was not peace that was settled in his soul. It was unrest and edginess, and he was certain Heero was the cause of it.
"What are you doing here?" Wufei asked of Heero's back. "Does anyone else know that the famous Heero Yuy has reemerged from the shadows?"
"No," Heero replied, not bothering to turn around.
Sloe-dark eyes blinked in surprise. "What? You mean you haven't gone to see Duo or Relena yet?"
"No," was the deadpan answer.
"I was the first one you came to see?"
"Yes."
//What does it mean?//
"Why would you come to see me first?" Wufei demanded suspiciously.
"I had to come see you," Heero said, like it was the most obvious thing in the world.
Wufei's heart skipped a beat. "You what?" he asked dumbly, voice quiet.
"Just what exactly do you think you're doing here, Wufei?" Heero suddenly asked, whirling around so that his eyes locked onto the other man's.
Wufei's face darkened. "Doing where?"
An emotion that looked like anger crossed Heero's features. "Here," he clipped, eyes panning around the small room even though he was referring to something far more vast. "In the Preventers. Why did you join?"
"Sally asked me to," Wufei deadpanned.
"That's not what you told me before," Heero jumped in immediately, voice cold. "You told me that you didn't have anywhere else to go."
"That too."
"You're avoiding the question, Wufei."
"I'm getting the impression that you're angry with me."
This time a definite flash of emotion crossed Heero's face before it was gone in the next instant. "And you're angry with me, Wufei," he said in that deep monotone of his.
Wufei suddenly couldn't bear to look upon Heero any longer. Those impossibly deep Prussian blue eyes. The strong, well-muscled body. The night-filled window behind him making his figure faintly shadowy at the edges. With a snort, he whirled away from Heero, violently stripping the Preventers jacket off his shoulders in the same fluid motion.
"I don't see any reason for you to be angry with me," Wufei snapped, finding it much easier to talk now that he didn't have Heero's alluring figure blazing in his eyes. Instead of hanging up his jacket like he usually did, he simply chucked it to the floor of his closet, toeing his shoes off and discarding them in there as well.
"I've done nothing to you," Wufei continued, shutting his closet door with a bang but refusing to turn around to face Heero. "All I'm trying to do is lead a…peaceful existence."
"What you're leading is a false existence," Heero said flatly, but Wufei felt the wave of resentment that struck him in back, forcing him to whirl around in an angry haze.
"False existence?!" Wufei demanded, clenching his hands into fists. "Explain, Yuy."
Prussian blue eyes glared at him from under a mop of dark brown bangs. "I think you know what I'm talking about."
Wufei matched him glare for glare. "No, apparently I DON'T."
Heero's jaw clenched in one last ditch effort to contain the words that were threatening to spill from his lips, but naturally, it failed. "What you're doing here in the Preventers is no different from what we did during the war. Wufei, you're not LIVING, you're only SURVIVING. Fighting for your life as surely as you fought for it during the war. The times changed without you, and here you are: trying to lead a pathetic excuse for a life. It's false, all of it."
A deep scowl came to Wufei's face as bitter rage stung the back of his throat. "False it may be!" he exclaimed. "But at least it's SOMETHING!! It's more than what you did! What was with the vanishing act, Heero?! No one has seen you for half a year and all of sudden you appear in my office spouting all this morbid philosophical nonsense at me! When did you get your twisted ideals so perfectly in order that you think that you can come here and tell ME what's wrong with the life I'm leading!"
"You're living in lies, Wufei," Heero said coldly, eyes glittering.
"Better than running from them, you coward!" Wufei retorted viciously.
"You haven't the right to call me a coward," Heero seethed. "You know nothing about what I've been feeling these past six months."
"You know what? You're absolutely correct," Wufei snapped mockingly. "I don't know how you feel because you and I ARE NOTHING ALIKE, to use your words."
Heero's response was a deathglare of apocalyptic proportions, his full lips twisting into what could almost be considered a sneer. Instead of answering, he shoved away from the window, his movements stiff and jerky, speaking in volumes. Suddenly he lifted his hands and wrapped his fingers around the lapels of his denim jacket, stripping it off his shoulders in one deft motion, exposing the bare skin of his arms to Wufei's surprised eyes. Six months hadn't destroyed the muscles in Heero's lean arms, and Wufei couldn't help but stare as the other man turned his back to him and draped his jacket calmly over the back of the desk's chair. Only instead of whirling around to face Wufei, Heero clutched the back of the chair in a death grip, hunching over slightly and lowering his head so that his messy brown hair swooped forward to hide his eyes.
//What's wrong with him?//
Wufei was worried, but he refused to allow himself to express such an emotion. He didn't want to become involved with anyone or anything right now.
"Don't go making yourself at home," he forced himself to say coldly. "If you came here looking for pity, then there's the door."
Wufei might have detected a faint trembling in Heero's broad shoulders, but he quickly convinced himself that he was seeing things. Weakness in Heero Yuy was unheard of…
"Seriously, Yuy," Wufei continued, mouth moving of its own volition now. "I have no idea why you've come back after all this time but-"
"I thought I could handle it," Heero suddenly said, something in his voice making the harsh words on Wufei's tongue vanish into nothing.
"I wanted peace as much as anyone did," Heero continued, and this time it was definite. His shoulders were shaking. "I didn't want to have to fight any longer. Too much death. Too much blood. And so I strove to build this peaceful world. But…once it was all over…I realized that I had been fighting for everyone but myself. I constructed this world for Relena, for the citizens of Earth and the colonies…everyone but myself. I fought for everyone's happiness but my own. The ultimate act of selflessness. I suppose that makes me a fucking SAINT, doesn't it?"
Wufei was shocked. How could Heero feel this way? In his mind's eye, he saw Wing Zero plummeting into the ocean, choosing the silence at the bottom of the sea rather than the raging battle that Wufei and Nataku were waging against it. And he heard Heero's voice: "Tell me, Wufei…tell me…" He sensed a soul weary of killing, a soul lusting for peace. And Wufei felt the loneliness festering in his own heart. Wing Zero was gone. Heero was gone. He was all alone.
//Heero…//
"I thought I was strong enough to handle it," Heero continued, his monotone fighting a loosing battle with his emotions. "I really did. No more war. No more battles. But…the silence, the absence of EVERYTHING came soon after peace was declared. I felt like I had lost a piece of myself. My world came tumbling down around my ears, and I was almost buried with it. You vanished right after Mariemaia's fall, Wufei, and I was afraid the new era had destroyed you as well. I was scared and so I ran. And I hid, like the coward you said I was."
He suddenly released his death grip on the back of the chair and straightened, his hair falling back from his face as he let his eyes drift over to where Wufei was standing, dumbstruck. "But then I come back," Heero said softly. "And I see that the warrior's fire hasn't gone out of your eyes, Wufei. You are still proud, defiant…beautiful, like the dragon you are often referred to as. Your heart is still wild."
"Heero…" The name slipped past Wufei's lips before he could stop it.
"I'm happy that I got the chance to see you again," Heero said with heartbreaking sincerity. "I really missed you, Wufei."
Those words stole Wufei's voice from his throat - hell, they stole his whole damn heart from his chest. It was only then that he realized that he had missed Heero as well. Missed him more than anything in the world. He wanted so desperately to say something - anything - to express what he was feeling, but words failed him.
So he could only watch mutely as Heero tore his gaze away from him and walked slowly over to the bed, radiating insecurity as he seated himself on the edge, springs creaking slightly under his unfamiliar weight. He ran questing fingertips over the smooth comforter, tracing the abstract designs as if they were the most fascinating things in the universe. He started to lie down, but he suddenly seemed to have second thoughts and removed his boots before tentatively laying his head on the pillow, raising his legs and resting them cautiously on the bed as well. All of his movements were tense and timid, as if the softness of the pillow and mattress were alien to him.
"Been a long time since I've slept in a bed," Heero commented, staring vacantly up at the ceiling, eyes unfocused.
"Where have you been all this time?" Wufei asked quietly, trying to the ignore the fact that seeing Heero lying on his bed sent pleasurable shivers coursing down his body.
"I wish I could tell you," Heero murmured. "But I really don't know. I just walked the world for what seemed like forever. It was all so different, so new. I hated it, but I loved it at the same time."
"I know how that feels," Wufei said, more to himself than to Heero. Before he knew what he was doing, he was moving away from his position in front of the closet door, his feet taking him up to the side of the bed that Heero was sprawled limply across. Prussian blue eyes suddenly came back into clear focus and flicked in Wufei's direction, staring up at him evenly from underneath thick lashes.
//He's so beautiful…//
Carefully, Wufei reached out with gentle fingers and touched Heero's shoulder, fingertips lightly stroking the warm, silken flesh. How long had it been since had had willingly touched another person like this? Simple friction of skin sliding over skin, fleeting touch though it was. Heero's skin was smooth and firm, flawless except for the pair of twin scars a little ways down on his bicep, evidence of just what a grueling war it had been.
He tapped Heero on the shoulder. "Move over."
For a moment, Heero just blinked up at him, but then he rolled over onto his side as Wufei slowly eased himself onto the bed beside Heero, lying on his side so that he was face to face with the other man, breathing in his dangerous scent and feeling his warmth all around him. Lightly, he stroked Heero's arm with his entire hand this time, loving the feel of the muscles underneath the taut skin and the strong curve of his shoulder.
All the while, his eyes stared into Heero's, unable to look away. It wasn't so much the color of the other man's eyes that mesmerized him so much as what was held in their unseen depths. Heero had very honest eyes. People often called Heero emotionless, something that was very far from the truth. If Heero was feeling anything, it almost always showed deep in his eyes. You just had to know where to look.
And now those beautiful eyes had so many different emotions flickering inside them that the sheer force of them combined made Wufei's heart pound out of control in his chest. He wondered if all he was feeling was reflected in his eyes as well.
"I missed you, Heero," Wufei suddenly confessed, lost in those blue eyes. "Why did you leave me behind? Why?"
Heero's face softened, the guarded look in his eyes easing as he gently removed Wufei's hand from his shoulder, tenderly kissing the inside of his wrist. "I'm sorry," he murmured, eyes locked onto Wufei's even as he rubbed the soft flesh with his thumb.
Heero's name escaped his lips in a single breathless exclamation before Wufei closed the inches separating them, meshing his mouth over the other man's. The lips beneath his were as soft as he remembered, and just as willing. He ran his tongue along them, tracing the familiar contours of the tender flesh. Heero gasped softly and opened his mouth, which Wufei eagerly plunged his tongue into, moaning as he reveled in the hot, wet cavern. Heero suddenly rolled onto his back, taking Wufei with him.
Dragging his mouth away from Heero's hungry one, Wufei trailed hot kisses down his jaw until he reached his neck, remembered how sensitive Heero was there. He ran his tongue blindly over the heated skin until he found a place where Heero's pulse was throbbing wildly. Immediately, he latched onto this area, sucking gently on the flesh, pushing his tongue against it again and again, lost in the taste of what was so divinely Heero that it could never be mistaken for any other.
"Right there," Heero gasped breathlessly, tugging Wufei's shirt out of his pants with rough hands.
"You sure you want this, Heero?" Wufei asked needlessly, right before he ran his tongue up the entire length of Heero's throat.
Heero's only response was to groan loudly and dig his head back into the pillow to give Wufei better access to his neck. Wufei needed no other encouragement, not with Heero's alluring scent surrounding him, taking him over. Still sucking on Heero's throat, he slid his hands underneath the man's shirt, running them all over the heaving belly before letting his callused fingertips graze a pair of sensitive nipples. Heero jumped at the unexpected caress, then began to writhe in pleasure as he felt his nipples being pinched softly, then rubbed in slow, torturous circles until they were hard.
"Take this OFF," Heero growled, yanking on Wufei's shirt, his voice sending soft rumbles along the length of his throat.
Wufei smiled into the flesh of Heero's neck and gave the man's nipples one last pinch before straightening up, moving so that he was straddling Heero's hips. He hesitated a moment to drink in the sight of Heero beneath him - muscled stomach exposed by the rumpled tank top, lips full and swollen, eyes heavy-lidded with passion. Had he ever wanted or cared for anyone as much as this man?
Quickly, Wufei grabbed the hem of his own shirt and lifted it, blind for a second as the cloth slid over his head. Heero's warm body suddenly shifted beneath his, and before Wufei knew what was happening, he felt a hot, wet mouth close over one of his nipples, equally hot hands slipping around his waist and running up and down his naked back. A gasp escaped his lips as his shirt fell from his nerveless fingers.
"Heero," he moaned, burying his fingers in the man's dark hair and pulling him closer, never wanting to let him go. Heero continued to lap tenderly at the taut nipple before his tongue traced a line of fire across Wufei's chest to the other one, taking it into his mouth and suckling ferociously, tongue swirling around it wildly. Wufei gripped Heero tighter and moaned in ecstasy, letting the pleasure created by Heero's ministrations rush straight to the pool of fire between his legs.
"I'd almost forgotten how you taste," Heero whispered feverishly, licking Wufei's chest lovingly.
"I'd almost forgotten what it feels like to hold you," Wufei murmured just as heatedly, hands running all over Heero's strong back.
"Show me, Wufei," Heero gasped as his mouth once again found a taut nipple. "Show me how to live."
* * *
Times change. People change. Wufei knew that alterations were necessary for the evolution of mankind as a whole. It was truly all an "endless waltz." Everything lives. Everything dies. But some things don't change. Heero Yuy and Chang Wufei were two of those things. Wufei lived by the sword, and he would die by the sword. Heero was raised an assassin, and an assassin he would always remain, at least in his heart of hearts. No one else could understand this because, in all reality, Heero and Wufei were the last of their kinds. The Perfect Soldier and the only surviving member of the Dragon Clan.
They were two individuals in this new age of peace that would remain constant. Heero would always be a soldier, and Wufei would always be a warrior. Peace and war could rage right outside their window, and their sacred union would still be the same. The Earth could be destroyed by a firestorm or an arctic freeze, but neither would change the feeling of Heero in his arms, skin like satin, muscles like liquid steel.
He trembled a bit and raked blunt fingernails across Wufei's back when the other man slid inside him, but his tight, throbbing passage stretched to accommodate the lover whose touch he had been missing for nearly three years. It was all the same. The raging heat inside Heero. The scent of him. The wild presence that demanded release. Wufei buried his face in Heero's neck and began to thrust in and out of him violently, knowing that the other man would not shatter like glass in his arms. Heero moved with him in the same wild, savagely harmonious rhythm, heated confessions falling from his lips in between gasps.
It was so delightfully dangerous. The door was unlocked. The walls in the quarters were thin. But Wufei didn't care. Throwing all caution out the window, he screamed Heero's name with all his heart's desire as he released his seed inside the other man, not even noticing when Heero bit down on his naked shoulder to drown out the sounds of his own climax, letting them instead wash over the heated skin of his lover.
Oblivion came calling for him then, and Wufei barely had enough energy to slide out of Heero and roll off of him, pressing a blind kiss on his lips as he did so. The last things he remembered were Heero curling up against him and a blissful silence descending over the room.
* * *
Wufei watched through half-closed, sated eyes as the ceiling fan spun slowly on the ceiling, its blades creaking ominously. Every morning, he always woke up and lay in his cold, empty bed, keen black eyes tracing the languid motions of that annoying fan. But today, the fan didn't seem so annoying. His bed wasn't cold, and neither was it empty.
Heero was still asleep with his head resting on Wufei's chest, pressed up against his flank with one leg flung over the smaller man's hips, his breathing slow and even. The scents of sex and Heero still hung in the air, and Wufei breathed them in deeply. He hadn't felt this way in a long time. He had always had the feeling that something was missing from his life. Every morning, he almost regarded the coming dawn with a sense of detachment, not at all thrilled about what the day would bring. He hadn't known the source of that feeling until last night, when Heero had abruptly reentered his life and had laid the truth before him, humiliating though it was.
It scared him, this new peaceful world. Scared him so badly that Wufei, like Heero, had chosen to remain voluntarily caught in limbo, a soldier frozen in time, unable to adapt to a world where he really had no place to exist. It seemed the entire universe had changed, churning into a massive whirlwind and whisking away, leaving redundant soldiers like Wufei and Heero behind in the cold. Ever since Mariemaia's downfall, Wufei had been struggling to keep up with and fit into a world that kept shoving him away and spitting him out, unable to stomach the taste of his bloody hands and warrior's spirit. He had thought he was alone in his feelings.
Absently, he stroked Heero's naked back, fingertips ghosting across the smooth flesh. Though still asleep, Heero responded by sighing softly and nestling closer to his lover, tucking his head under Wufei's chin, seeking warmth and comfort even in the realm of the unconscious. Wufei smiled and pressed a kiss into Heero's hair, breathing in his scent contentedly.
Yes, even in this peaceful world, Heero's scent of danger still remained, out-of-place and outdated though it was. Just like Wufei's archaic sense of justice and his strict adherence to cherished traditions. Two sides of the same coin.
Maybe, possibly, this was happiness lying his arms, leg thrown over his hips, arm draped across his chest protectively. Maybe this was love.
Even as Wufei lazily pondered these things, he knew no answers would come to him, and for the first time, he wasn't bothered by the fact that his questions would go unanswered. This world was not enough for souls like himself and Heero; it didn't have the answers that Wufei was always demanding. But the past was now behind him, the present standing motionless in a perpetual state of bliss rather than misery.
And the future was there like it always was, winding out in front of him in dozens of twists and turns, roads cavorting with one another like lovers in the endless waltz of life. Wufei used to fear getting lost or swallowed up by those hungry destinies, alone in his fate. But now that he wasn't alone any longer, the future didn't seem so bad.
He had Heero at his side, in his arms, in his heart. And that was enough to last him an eternity.
~fin
Still I ain't seen mine
No, I ain't seen mine
Been giving just ain't been getting
I've been walking that there line
So I guess I'll keep on walking
With my head held high
I'll keep moving on
And only God knows why
"Only God Knows Why"
Kid Rock
~*~*~*~*~
I'm a renegade survivor
A new age warrior
And I'm trapped in the universe
Searching for the future
"Renegade Survivor"
Wailing Souls