Gundam Wing Fan Fiction ❯ Who We Are ❯ I'm Still Here ( One-Shot )

Who We Are

I am a question to the world,
Not an answer to be heard.

"Quatre?"

"Yes Duo?"

"Do you ever wonder . . . I mean what's it all for?"

"What?"

"This war, our lives are we really making a difference? Or are they right? In fighting are we just dooming ourselves? After this wars over what's going to keep it from happening again?"

"Duo, we are just 5 people. We can't provide an answer to war."

"Then what are we doing here?"

"We may not be an answer, but we can be a question. With every battle we ask the people "Is this what you want? Is this the way things should be?""

"But what's that going to do? How does that change anything?"

"It's the nature of man to fight Duo, but it is also our nature to challenge ourselves. Sometimes, one question can be the most powerful force on Earth."

"But how do we know the right question?"

"To know the right question, we look to our hearts."

All a moment that's held in your arms.

"Duo."

"Heero."

"Why?"

"Why what?"

"Why do they, how can they . . . emotions have no place on the battlefield."

"Each person finds their own way to go on Heero."

"How can Trowa allow it. He is risking the mission."

"Because sometimes, when all else is gone you can live for that one perfect moment."

"What moment?"

"That moment well all that matters is that you're not alone, that someone is there. That someone loves you."

"Do you have those moments Duo?"

"Yes I do."

And what do you think you'd ever say?
I won't listen anyway…
You don't know me,
And I'll never be what you want me to be.

"Kid?"

"Yeah Howie?"

"Are you okay? We all know what happened."

"Yeah Howie, yeah, I'm fine."

"How do you do it?"

"Do what?"

"How can you be 'Fine'? We know what happens when one of you is captured, we've seen the reports, the doctors notes, the security vids . . ."

"So?"

"Kid, they treat you like crap. They tie you up, they beat you, they call you things . . . how can you be fine?"

"I don't listen to them Howie."

"And how can you not?"

"Cause if I listened to them, if I let it get to me, I'd just be becoming what they think I am."

"How's that?"

"If I react, they win. I'd be letting them know "Ok you've got me" and if they've got me, they have something on me."

"And they don't"

"Howie, all they see is what I want them to. They have no idea what I'm like off that battle field, no idea at all what I've done, or why I've done it."

"So you're saying they don't know what they're messing with"

"They have no idea what they're messing with. No idea at all."

And what do you think you'd understand?
I'm a boy, no I'm a man.

"Maxwell!"

"Oh, hey Wu-man"

"Maxwell, why do you persist in these childish pranks? If they continue I shall seriously have to question your fitness. No person of your obvious immaturity should be on the battle field."

"Wuff's, look we all blow off steam in our own ways. I haven't hurt anyone, so what's your deal?"

"Maxwell, we are warriors. We go to battle everyday. We do not have time to play at being children."

"No, we don't. But maybe we should."

"What nonsense are you babbling about now idiot? I don't understand how a child like you became a Gundam pilot."

"I'm not a child."

"Really . . ."

"Yes really. Maybe you can't understand what the streets do to you, but I've been caring for myself since I remember. I've never had time to be a child, but sometimes you've gotta make time."

"To play at foolish pranks and idiocy?"

"To let yourself BE. We spend hour after hour, day after day fighting for a people who won't even acknowledge us. If we don't take time once in awhile, something's gonna break."

"Fine, but why in such a way? Why don't you act your age?"

"I am acting my age Wufei, my chronological age. It's just that we are all older than that, all men in boy's bodies. My pranks are reminders to myself of why I fight, reminders of the child hood I lost."

"Maxwell, sometimes you surprise me."

You can take me and throw me away.

"How did you do it?"

"Hn?"

"How did you find it in yourself to make that sacrifice?"

"What sacrifice?"

"To self destruct."

"There was no sacrifice. My life is cheap."

"As is mine. Yet I am not sure I could do what you did."

"Trowa, there was no sacrifice. I have no place in this world I fight for, neither child nor adult, neither soldier nor civilian. My life is forfeit."

"I still don't understand."

"I hope you never do."

And how can you learn what's never shown?
Yeah, you stand here on your own.
They don't know me 'cause I'm not here.

"Relena."

"Heero?"

"Thank you."

"For what?"

"For teaching them about the peace I fight for."

"We each fight in our own ways."

"But once this war is over, my job is done. Yours is infinitely harder, as you teach the people want to do with the peace we will give them."

"And you?"

"Hn?"

"What will you do with the peace, when it comes?"

"I don't know."

"Will you stay, stand by me?"

"No. I cannot."

"Why Heero?"

"My place is not with you. You must stand alone."

"And how will I find the strength?"

""You have strength enough for us both."

"No, you are my strength."

"How can you draw strength from a person who does not exist."

"Are you saying you're not real?"

"Not in any way that matters. I am just a shadow, created for the peace."

"No Heero, you exist. As long as you are loved, you exist."

"And who could love me?"

"I think we all do, in our own way."

And I want a moment to be real,
Wanna touch things I don't feel,
Wanna hold on and feel I belong.

"Quatre, what are you going to do, when it's all over?"

"Go home I guess. And you, Trowa?"

"I never had a home."

"Of course you do."

"I have no name, no family, no place to call my own."

"But as long as I am here you have a home."

"How can you say that. Like I have an existence? Like I belong?"

"Trowa, you do belong. And not just with me."

"aa?"

"Cathy, Duo, even Heero and Wufei. We have created places for you to belong with each of us."

"But can I truly? Can I just give up my lack of identity to create a name and a place for myself?"

"Of course you can. You do it every time we are together, in that one second where nothing matters except that we are together and we care."

"Perfection, peace. Can I truly create a place where I can seek such things?"

"Of course you can Trowa."

And how can the world want me to change,
They're the ones that stay the same.

"We will not give in to their demands!"

"Acknowledged."

"This is a complete injustice."

"Hn."

"They have no right to demand of us what they will not do themselves."

"Those in power will always make demands of the people."

"Those in power also have a responsibility to the people. To demand change in another but refuse to change yourself is weak."

"We will not give in, because Oz will not cease hostilities, even if we surrender."

"And what of the other Gundam pilots?"

"They will not give in. They know the dangers."

"And the Colonies?"

"They will adapt."

"Change?"

"If they wish to survive."

The don't know me,
'Cause I'm not here.

"So Trowa, in and out. Set the detonators, grab the materiel from your section and we meet here in 30."

"Affirmative."

"Check one. Section 3-B clear."

"Check. Check two. Section 7-A clear."

"Check. Proceed with data retrieval."

"Acceptable. Detonators set in sections 4-C, 2-F and the Hanger."

"Check. Detonators set in 3-D and 1-A as well. Will proceed to wire 5-E and 6-G then extract. Set 7-A on your way out."

"Clear. Data retrieval 40% complete."

"Affirmative. 3-D complete, proceeding to 1-A."

"Data retrieval complete. Proceeding to 7-A and extract."

"Acceptable. Meeting in 5."

"Clear."

"You wanna do the honors?"

Boom

"The ghosts strike again, huh Trowa."

"Unseen and unheard, like a shadow in the night Duo."

And you see the things they never see
All you wanted, I could be
Now you know me, and I'm not afraid

"Hey Heero. You alright?"

"Yes."

"You sure bud? You're limping, and you don't sound so good."

"I am within acceptable operating parameters."

"Heero, you're not a machine. Come here."

"Duo?"

"Sit, while look at you leg. Shit man what'd you do to yourself?"

"Minor explosion. I took a piece of shrapnel to the leg."

"Yeah. Give me a minute, gotta grab some stuff from the big kit."

"Hn."

"The mission go alright?"

"Completed within acceptable margin of error."

"Kay. Oh, and don't worry bud I don't think anybody else even noticed something was wrong."

"Good."

. . .

"Duo"

"Yes Heero?"

"The mission, it, there . . ."

"Hey bud it's ok."

"No, it . . . she looked just like her, only a cadet, and I . . ."

"It was a mission. You did what needed to be done."

"Are you sure?"

"Heero we've all done things we regret to win this damn war. We all have nightmares, and sorrows."

"But are you sure? Sure there wasn't another way?"

"Heero I know you probably better than anyone else. I notice things the others don't, like that you were hurt tonight. I know you wouldn't have killed her unless it was absolutely necessary."

"I. Thank you."

"No problem. It happens to us all."

"No, I mean thank you, because, you know me, even though I thought that would be a weakness, and you make me feel comfortable . . . and I don't understand it but . . ."

"I understand. You make me feel comfortable too. And I want you to know that I'll always be there for you buddy. I promise."

And I wanna tell you who I am
Can you help me be a man?

"Winner? What happened to you?"

"Mission went bad. May I ask a favor of you?"

"What are the terms of your request?"

"I want to know . . . could you teach me?"

"Teach you what?"

"Martial arts. I'm a dead shot with a gun, or with a sword, but I'm useless with knives or hand to hand, and that nearly got me killed today."

"Are you willing to work? The training I have to offer won't come easy."

"Yes. I refuse to let someone get hurt because I wasn't ready."

"That you push yourself is admirable, but the rest of us have been training for far longer that you. We do not hold you to blame for the way you were raised."

"If I hold myself back it is because I cling to what I was taught. But there is no place in war for boyish idealism or pride. I must learn, if we are to win this."

"Your strength was never in doubt. Know that not one of us sees you as a boy."

They can't break me
As long as I know who I am.

"Heero?"

"Quatre. So they got you too?"

"Yes."

"Interrogation will begin in the morning. Can you take it?"

"I can if you can."

"Standard drug resistances?"

"Of course."

"Try not to anger them, you aren't physically as strong as I and can't take as many hits."

"I know my limits Heero."

"I know you do. But they may try to use me to get to you, and I need to know if you can take it."

"And if I can't?"

"Then I silence you before anyone comes."

"I won't break to physical or mental torture upon myself. All they have to give me are lies."

"And if they torture me? If I come back to this cell beaten and bruised? What then?"

"I won't break. I can't afford to break."

"And that is what will get you through this."

And I want a moment to be real,
Wanna touch things I don't feel,
Wanna hold on and feel I belong.

"Am I really making a difference Dorothy?"

"Miss Relena?"

"Am I really doing anything, sitting here in my pretty chair, looking out at the world through panes of glass?"

"Miss Relena, they are yours to rule. You control the lives of every person on Earth."

"And does that change anything? Am I half the effect of those boys?"

"Miss Relena, of course you do. Why do you doubt it."

"Because, the war they fight has no affect on me here."

"What?"

"Here I am heading a war that has no affect on my life. I sit back and watch as more men die, and it doesn't touch me. So tell me Dorothy, am I real? Am I making a difference?"

And how can the world want me to change,
They're the ones that stay the same.

"Barton."

"It's fine Wufei."

"They were the ones who raised you."

"I wouldn't call it raised. But they were the ones I lived with."

"You are not like that."

"No, I'm not. Not any more."

"And that is what makes you better than them."

"Because I've changed?"

"Because you've moved on."

They can't see me,
But I'm still here.

"What is it like?"

"Heero?"

"I cannot do what you do, to go in there and be recognized by no one."

"Most cannot."

"So how do you do it? What is it like?"

"It is terrible and awful, and yet the most powerful thing."

"Hn?"

"To sneak in, you erase any distinguishing characteristics. You create a personality, and you must live as that person at all times."

"Doesn't sound as hard as it is."

"No, but is awful. The kind of person who scores points and receives positive notice among the enemy is very often not the type of person you want to be."

"So you live the life of your worst enemy."

"Basically. And yet there is a power, in knowing that you are right there, and no one sees you. That you could to anything you want, and no one needs to know it was you."

They can't tell me who to be,
'Cause I'm not what they see.

"You're wrong you know."

"What woman?"

"You're not weak."

"I was defeated in battle."

"But why should that make you weak?"

"I failed to complete my objective. And rather than continue until it had been achieved, I fled."

"Fled? Or retreated?

"Is there a difference?"

"Cowards flee. But the wise soldier knows retreat is sometimes necessary."

"It does not matter. The fact that I was defeated makes me unworthy."

"Unworthy in who's eyes?"

"Hers and mine. The weak are unworthy of so great a power."

"You are weak only if you wish it so."

"What?"

"True strength comes from the heart. You must ignore what others might think, because you know that you are strong."

"I am strong?"

"If you believe it so."

"I am strong!"

Yeah the world is still sleepin',
While I keep on dreamin' for me.

"What is your dream Trowa?"

"Quatre?"

"What is the dream that gives you the strength to carry on."

"I have none."

"Trowa, we all have dreams."

"I am unworthy of mine."

"Perhaps. But tell me."

"I dream of you."

And their words are just whispers
And lies that I'll never believe.

'Street rat.'

'Filthy trash.'

'You smell of a sewer.'

'Who would want to associate with you?'

'Think your so great.'

'Colony brat'

"Duo!"

'Scum."

"Duo!"

"Wha? Heero?"

"You were having a nightmare."

"Nothing new."

"You sure?"

"Yeah, doesn't matter. It's all lies anyway."

"What?"

"I'm not trash, or filth. Not any more."

"No Duo, you're not. You never were."

And I want a moment to be real,
Wanna touch things I don't feel,
Wanna hold on and feel I belong.

"Is it worth it?"

"Lady Relena?"

"Tell me Quatre, is what you do worth it?"

"Yes."

"How. You gave up everything, and no one will ever know."

"I will know. You will know, and Trowa, Duo, Heero and Wufei."

"Don't you care? Aren't you tired of living like a nameless ghost?"

"I did not join this fight for fame."

"Then why?"

"Because I could not stand back. I never want this page of my life to be in the history books. All I care about is that I did what I had to."

"You are content that no one know?"

"I will not dishonor my father's beliefs. I will live later."

"And if there is no 'later'?"

"Then at least I have accomplished something."

And how can they say I never change?
They're the ones that stay the same.

"I knew you could do it boy. Nothing but perfection could have beaten those dolls."

"It was not perfection that allowed me to win."

"Sure it was. Why without my training you never would have survived that battle."

"The training I have received was a help, but it was not what allowed me to win."

"Then what my boy? What great talent allowed you to defeat them."

"The greatest talent of mankind, and the one thing those dolls lack."

"And that is?"

"The ability to change."

I'm the one now,
'Cause I'm still here.

"We did it we did it!"

"Yes Duo."

"We won man!"

"Duo! We won!"

"Hey Quatre! At least someone is excited."

"What?"

"Mr. Perfect here doesn't seem to care."

"It's just his way Duo."

"Yeah your right. Come on the five of us have got something to celebrate!"

"Hn?"

"Come on Heero. The war is over, and we're still here. We made it!"

"Yes we did. We made it."

I'm the one,
'Cause I'm still here.
I'm still here.
I'm still here.
I'm still here.