Gundam Wing Fan Fiction ❯ Witches Shoe ❯ Chapter 11
[ X - Adult: No readers under 18. Contains Graphic Adult Themes/Extreme violence. ]
By: deathangel125 
Anime/Manga: Gundam Wing Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Action / Romance / Suspense | Type: Yaoi | Uploaded On: 02.08.2016 | Pages: 9 | Words: 5.1K | Visits: 226 | Status: Work In Progress
Anime/Manga: Gundam Wing Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Action / Romance / Suspense | Type: Yaoi | Uploaded On: 02.08.2016 | Pages: 9 | Words: 5.1K | Visits: 226 | Status: Work In Progress
Esteban escorted us to the elevator, handing me a phone, “My
number has already been entered in it. I will have whatever
you need brought to you, within acceptable limits. I will not
bring you seds or tricks to sate your desires.”
Obviously, Esteban didn’t like me. “I haven’t used either in a long time, man. I have what I need to sate any desires. What I do need should be a little easier to find, the first being a good meal. Lilith’s diner will suffice. Tell them it’s for me and that I want double my usual order. They’ll know what to bring.”
His eyes were narrowed at me, but I gave a smug grin as the doors began to close, stopping them with my foot long enough to offer a piece of advice, “Dude, if you want her, go for it. It’d be better to be able to watch her if you’re in the room instead of on the other side of a closed door. The worst she can do is say no.”
“He’s in love with her?” Looking at Trowa as the doors close dand the elevator began to move, I shrugged; my mind wasn’t really on that problem, but larger, more personal ones.
Talking about Esteban was going to delay the inevitable topic, so I nodded after a moment, “I guess so. He’s always been around, watching her like a hawk.”
“What did he mean about the seds and tricks?”
It’s hard to explain that kind of stuff out in the open, where someone could be listening, but I owed him that much, at the very least. “I came here on a binge one time, stoned out of my damn gourd. Jezz heard I was here and found me in a bar where I was doing my damndest to get four or five dancers to come with me for the night. She brought me back here and got me sober. If she hadn’t shown up when she did, it’s likely someone would have taken advantage of my state that night.”
“He had to take care of you?”
The doors opened and we walked down the hall, looking for the door that matched the number on the key. “He had to carry me from the bar. Jezz kept me in her apartment until I was sober and refused to take visitors.”
“He thinks you slept with her.”
“Yeah, but considering she found me at a gay bar…I don’t think he’s ever bothered to think about that part.” Our room was at the end of the hall, well away from anyone else. “This is us.”
Pushing the door open, Trowa frowned, “This looks like an apartment.”
“This is a bribe to keep me here instead of out there,” I jerked a thumb to indicate the dark sky beyond the window. “Jezz doesn’t want us on the street. She thinks I’d find trouble. She’s probably right.” If I had gone out, I would have been searching for the person asking questions about Trowa. Whoever it was posed a threat to him and that was something I wouldn’t allow. “It’s in her best interest to keep us happy.”
Trowa was walking around, looking into the rooms. “There are two bedrooms. That should make you happy. You have a bed to yourself.”
Thank God Jezz isn’t the type to plant listening devices, or she didn’t used to be. He would have just blown our cover story all to hell, not that it would have mattered. “We’re only going to need one.” That got his attention. He was staring at me like he wasn’t sure he heard right. A knock on the door gave me a few extra minutes to deal with this. Either it was one of the best ideas I’d ever had or one of the worst.
One of the brothers was at the door, holding the bag they had taken from me. I bet it had been gone through more than once, without Jezz’s knowledge. It’s no big deal or anything, I’m not stupid enough to bring anything of value off the ship, but I was gonna check to make sure. “You brought me a present.”
“I brought your bag, not a present,” he frowned at me. This wasn’t the same one that I talked to before, his voice at least two octaves higher than his brother. Geez, they really did look alike.
Assuming he wasn’t the brightest of the three, I took the bag, “Have some problems getting onto our ship?”
“Marlon couldn’t get the door open,” he said before giving me a wide-eyed look.
He hurried off before I could ask anything else, possibly realizing he wasn’t supposed to admit that. Closing the door, I saw Trowa was watching me from across the room, his eyes shadowed and hiding what he was thinking. “The food will be here in about a half-hour. Lilith’s is pretty good about getting food ready in a hurry. Until then, we can stand on the balcony and I’ll explain how things work in places like this.”
“Duo, we need to talk about what made you change your mind so suddenly.”
I took a quick inventory of the bag; nothing was missing, but it had definitely been searched. “There really isn’t anything to talk about.”
“There had to be something that made you change your mind.”
“Jezz gave me a piece of advice I intend to take.”
He watched me as I crossed the room, opening the door to the balcony. “Are you going to tell me what the advice was?”
“Nope; come here and tell me what you think those guys are doing on the corner.”
Of course, he couldn’t just let it go. “I don’t want you doing anything you’re going to regret.”
I knew I was gonna regret it if I slept with him, but not as much as I was going to regret not sleeping with him. I wasn’t going to tell him that, though. “It can’t change anything, Trowa. If you can accept that, so can I.”
Leaning on the railing, I watched the streets and what was going on below us. The place wasn’t as bad as the Shoe, but it had the same neglected feel the Shoe does. It looked like exactly what it was; a place that had been left to fend on its own without aid from the Earth Sphere, probably in the hopes that it would just fall apart. What the Sphere didn’t count on was some Spacer’s willingness to live in almost impossible conditions.
When Trowa mimicked my posture without responding, I pointed to the men below, “What do you think they’re doing down there?”
“A deal of some kind. Drugs?”
“Seds, yes. The seller is called a mule. His boss is a monkey. There are a lot of mules on the Shoe, but the monkeys are the more dangerous ones. We need to avoid them all. They can be dangerous and unpredictable.”
“So can you.”
Looking at his profile, I realized I was in deep, deep shit. I didn’t really know him. I knew what I had seen and what he had told me, but I didn’t know the person he was on a daily basis. That hadn’t stopped me from falling for the annoying, nosy fucker, though. “I can what?”
“Be dangerous and unpredictable. Every time I think I’ve started to figure you out, you do something that makes me feel like I’m standing still while you run in circles around me. You’re very confusing.”
It was not a compliment, but I decided to take it as one. “Don’t feel bad, Tro. I confuse myself a lot, too.”
“Name the four main drugs sold on the Shoe.”
His eyebrows lifted lazily, watching me from across the table in that way he had that made me feel he could see everything I was trying to hide. “Jinxers, Rabbit, Blow, and Polly…Pollywanna.”
“Pollyana, like an innocent little girl. Who are the most dangerous people?”
“That’s a trick question,” he pointed his fork at me. “Everyone is dangerous and we can’t trust anyone.”
“What do we do if we see a crime being committed?”
“Keep moving and don’t make eye contact. Duo, I don’t know if I can do that.”
I had assumed as much. It isn’t easy to spend your life trying to save people and then having to actively ignore a crime that’s happening right in front of you. “You have to; disputes on the Shoe are settled with blood and violence. If you cross the line and get involved, both parties will turn on you and you’ll be dead. We can’t afford any extra attention. There are too many people curious about you already.”
“How did Jezz know who I was?” he sat back, a glass of wine held in his long fingers. The wine was a gift from Jezz, a peace offering after I informed her that my bag had been searched. No telling what I could have gotten if I had ratted the brothers out for attempting to get into my ship.
I felt loose and relaxed. The wine and food had helped, but being able to rest for a night, not having to worry about pirates, the PSP, or space debris had gone a long way. Then again, my company likely had more to do with the way I was feeling more than anything else. “Someone’s been asking about you, Tro. You, specifically, not both of us. For some reason, someone’s scared.”
“That doesn’t make any sense. Why would someone be scared of me? I can’t do anything, not out here.”
I beg to differ, my sexy sidekick. “You can do plenty, just not what you’re used to doing. You used to be a merc. Being an agent is only part of your life. You’ll need to tap into your experience with the mercs for this.”
“How did you know I was a merc?”
How should I handle this? Did I act like it was something I happened to hear or…fuck it, “I know a lot more about you than you think.”
“You researched me after deciding I would come with you? Did you do that while Heero was with you?”
“I’ve known for a lot longer than that. I was curious about you during the war. While the scientists were around, I asked G some questions. He was happy to get the answers for me.”
“Why would he do that?”
Uh-oh. Trowa didn’t seem happy that I had gone behind his back, but what the hell was I supposed to do? I needed to know about him, so I had asked. “To keep me from finding the answers out on my own. Neither one of us thought you’d be happy to find out I wanted to know about you, and G was more than happy to learn what he could to keep me from getting my ass kicked.”
“I would have answered any questions you asked, Duo.”
“Yeah, right; you didn’t speak to me a lot and when you did, you weren’t real nice. Alienating you was not in my master plan. I wanted to know about you, so I found out what I could. It’s that simple.”
“Is this something you did with all of us?”
“Nah. G told me all about Heero right after we first met so I wouldn’t do anything stupid and get myself killed. Wufei will answer anything as long as you ask him the right way, and Quatre was an open book. If you wanted to know something you could ask him or one of the Maguanacs. You were the only one I couldn’t figure out.”
“Why did you want to know about me?”
We were running into tricky territory, the kind that could have easily blown up in my face. Again, I could have evaded or I could give him the truth. He may not like it, but truth is what I decided to go with. “You were quiet and you were sexy as hell. That was enough to make me want to know more. Later, when I realized you didn’t like me, I tried to keep my distance.”
“I liked you, but I didn’t understand you. I still don’t understand you.”
“There isn’t much to figure out about me, you know. I’m a smuggler, plain and simple.” I didn’t think that was going to be enough to keep him from asking questions. I hate fucking questions, but it was only fair that I gave him the answers he wanted. I did go behind his back, after all.
“Do you have a family?”
“I’m an orphan.”
“Something we have in common.” He sipped his wine, watching me over the rim of his glass. I swear, those eyes were gonna be the end of me. “Close friends?”
“Not many. It’s hard to make lasting bonds in this business. Most of the people I know are acquaintances or contacts, like Jezz. I trust her, and that’s saying a lot.”
“Why don’t you trust people?”
“I trust a few, but people like me are more prone to screw someone over if they have a good reason, or if they think they have a good reason.”
“What would be considered a good reason?”
“For them? Not a lot. Offer enough money or a good trade and someone will turn on you. Smugglers don’t have a code of honor they live by, Tro. We do what we have to do to survive.”
“What would it take for you to turn on someone?”
Damnit, he was smirking and he had a good reason. “I wouldn’t.”
“Why not?”
“Because money isn’t enough of a motivator to make me flip on someone that way. It’s only come up once in the years since I started doing this. It’s not likely it’ll ever happen again.”
“Why not?”
“Because word got around about what I did to the bastard that had the gall to try and bribe me. It probably wouldn’t have been so bad if he hadn’t threatened me after offering me money didn’t work.”
“What did he threaten you with?”
“My ship; he said he would blow up the Hellion if I didn’t go along with what he wanted. It pissed me off.”
“I can imagine. Do I want to know what you did to him?”
“Probably not, but I will say he isn’t as pretty as he was before threatening me. Last I heard, he wasn’t in the business anymore.”
“Why did you cut yourself off from us after the war?”
If he had been hoping to trick me into answering that question more in depth than I already had, he was going to be disappointed. “I already told you; I didn’t fit in with you guys.”
“You did.”
“No, I didn’t.” Leaning forward to refill my glass, I rolled my eyes, “There wasn’t a reason to stick around, so I didn’t.”
“If things had gone differently with Heero, would you have left?”
Why hadn’t I seen that one coming? “I don’t know. Maybe, but I doubt it. I never had any expectations for Heero. He’s as incapable of relationships as I am, or he used to be. I didn’t think it would change anything if we had slept together, Trowa. I just wanted to be close to someone for a while.”
“I know why you didn’t talk to me or Quatre, but why not Wufei? You two were friends, weren’t you?”
“We still are friends, not close, but we do still send each other an email every once in a while.” He was surprised by that. Just because I hadn’t actually talked to anyone didn’t mean I hadn’t kept in touch with someone that had needed my help, and Wufei had needed it. “He had a lot of shit he was going through. I wasn’t going to give him more to worry about.”
“Don’t you think he would have been looking for some comfort from someone?”
Trowa didn’t know about Wufei and Treize and I wasn’t going to tell him. “I couldn’t have given him the kind of comfort he needed.”
“How many lovers have you had since the war?”
“A few.”
“Not as many as you’d led me to believe.” That son of a bitch was actually smirking as he filled his glass. Damn, he had begun to figure me out a little bit. “You want me to think you’ve slept with numerous people, but I’m guessing there’s been five or less.”
There had been four. It wasn’t because I wasn’t willing to have sex with people I didn’t really know, there just weren’t that many opportunities; when I was working, I didn’t socialize and when I wasn’t working, I was on my ship. “Just because I haven’t doesn’t mean I wouldn’t. I like sex, a lot. There are times when I’d be willing to screw whatever moved, but I’m usually on ship in the middle of nowhere when it happens.”
“What do you do then?”
“Jerk off.”
I guess I should have been insulted when he chuckled, but it was difficult to be angry or upset when he was still watching me. Something in his eyes had changed in the last few minutes. This wasn’t the usual, penetrating stare, but something different, more aware of me. Since we were talking about sex, it wasn’t that hard to figure out where his mind had gone. “How many lovers have you had since the war, Tro?”
“Two. I was in relationships with them at the time.”
“Do you really believe you can have sex and not expect more?” I was sick and tired of skirting the issue. His questions had been leading to this topic. “I was in a relationship with one of the men I’ve slept with and in kind of a business relationship with the other, until I found out I didn’t really like what he was.”
“Nico and someone else,” he nodded, looking at his glass for a second before looking back at me. The way the lights were hitting his face it looked like his damn eyes were glowing. “Nico was the last person you dared let yourself care about and he hurt you. It isn’t that hard to figure out why you’ve taken the stance you have against becoming involved with someone.”
“Just so you know, I hate psychology; it gives me a headache.” Yeah, he was right. I didn’t have to be happy about it, though. “None of that means I’m gonna suddenly decide to have a relationship. If I did, it wouldn’t be with someone that’s gonna be around for a few weeks and then disappear.”
“I wouldn’t disappear.”
“You’ll go back to Earth, back to your job and normal life. It would amount to the same thing.”
“There’s no rule that says we wouldn’t be able to see each other.”
When in the hell had he decided to become an optimist? Me? I’m a realist. “That’s true, but I’m pretty damn sure there are rules against Preventer agents being involved with smugglers. Even if there aren’t, seeing you could be dangerous to my health. If someone realized you’re still an active agent, I’d be tortured or worse so people could figure out what I’ve told you. I’m not exaggerating in any way, shape, or form, man. Being associated with a whistler could be my death sentence.”
“In that case, sleeping together is dangerous.”
“Not really. For now, everything thinks you’re a former agent. They won’t understand it, but they will understand me taking on a former Gundam pilot as a partner. As long as we’re convincing, no one will try to kill me…any more than normal, at least.”
He stood abruptly, keeping his glass as he moved onto the balcony, leaning one arm against it and looking down to where the streets had come to life. In places like these, the city is busier at night than during the day. The docks were likely full, people like me coming to unwind or maybe even see the family and friends that lived there.
When I stood behind him, resting my shoulder on the frame of the door, he spoke quietly, not turning around to look at me. “It really is impossible, isn’t it? After finding Quatre’s location, I return to Earth and you go back to what you do. Seeing you again would get me into trouble with my superiors and put you in grave danger.”
“That’s what I’ve been trying to tell you the whole time, Trowa. You didn’t want to listen. What made you realize I wasn’t joking?”
I wanted him to look at me, but he wouldn’t. I wish I didn’t understand how saddened he was by all of this, his shoulders sagging like there was a heavy weight on them. He gave a small wave, gesturing to the hundreds of people filling the streets, most of them visibly carrying weapons. “This place and the things Jezz said. I didn’t want to believe you. I assumed you were making up excuses not to get involved with me.”
“I’ve stolen from people without feeling guilty and cheated people out of things more than once, but I was honest with you. As long as you’re an agent and I’m a smuggler, nothing more is possible.”
“If things were different, if we lived in the same world, would that make you change your mind?”
“I don’t think about that. I can’t think about that, Tro, so I can’t give you an answer.” At least he had finally realized it wouldn’t work, but it was a damn depressing thought. “Once you go back home, you’ll put all of this behind you. It’ll become a story you relate to others; the thrill of running from the PSP, the fear you felt while riding through an asteroid field with an insane pilot at the controls, and the disgust you felt on Strauss will be vague memories.”
“What about you?”
“I’ll be an interesting interlude. You can’t say I’m the type you’ve dated before; there’s probably a reason for that.” There wasn’t anything I could say to make him feel better, so I stuck to the truth. “You might think you feel something for me now, but it’s caused by being around me. It’s a novelty that’ll fade as time goes by.”
He finally turned around to look at me. Why did he have to say so much with his eyes? “Do you believe that?”
“I know that. We have a few things in common, but that’s all. Other than those few things, we’re completely different. All of this is exciting and dangerous for you, but it’s my life. Could you do this all the time without craving the…normalcy of your life?”
“It doesn’t look like I’ll get a chance to find out. When we find Quatre’s location…”
“You have to go. I know that, just like I know it’ll be a Preventer operation I can’t be included in. As soon as we find out what we need to, you and I go our separate ways. Nothing can stop that from happening.”
“How will you remember me, Duo? Will you remember me at all?”
Why did he constantly ask questions that I didn’t want to answer or think about? I knew I was going to remember him, all right. I was going to remember him as the biggest mistake I had ever made, the one person that had been able to make me doubt the life I had. I’d remember him with a combination of fondness and pain. I would remember him as the man that made me feel more than I had ever wanted to. “I’ll remember you. I won’t be able to forget.” I wouldn’t answer his first question, it was a mind field best left alone.
“Even knowing all of that, knowing we won’t see each other again, you still want me?”
What I want didn’t really matter anymore. I wanted him in a way I had never wanted someone before, not even Nico. Honestly, Nico hadn’t even close to making me feel the way I did when Trowa was looking at me like that, like I was someone important to him. “It’s up to you, Tro. I won’t force you to do anything you don’t want to do.”
His mouth was on mine almost before the words were out of my mouth, stealing my breath away. If that kiss said anything, it was that he wanted me, yet didn’t want me all at the same time. He was hesitating, holding back. That wasn’t work going to work, so I backed away. “Forget it. You don’t want this. You can’t do this and it not matter.”
He sighed as he put his glass down on the small table beside the door, hands flexing as soon as both were empty. Before I could ask what was wrong, I was against the railing with him pressed to me, tongue filling my mouth when I gasped. The sound of my glass smashing to the floor wasn’t enough to make me push him away as his hands invaded my hair, shoving them deep into the hair at my neck and finding where it was loose enough for his fingers to dig in.
I thought I knew what desperation felt like, but there has never been anything as strong as that. Everything that had happened since he and Heero had walked onto my Hellion had made me confused, but this was the culmination of everything good. Getting beaten by Allbright and his men and defying death in an asteroid field paled in comparison to the feel of his mouth on me, fingers digging into my scalp. It wasn’t just my desperation fueling us, it was his, too; I felt the need in the way his body was shaking.
Thank god the bandages he’d wrapped around my hands didn’t cover my fingers, leaving them free to find the skin under his shirt. His muscles quivered, shooting a spark of lust through me, so when he pulled away, I honestly considered choking him to death. “You’ve changed your mind?”
“What? No. There’s someone knocking on the door, Duo.”
Obviously, Esteban didn’t like me. “I haven’t used either in a long time, man. I have what I need to sate any desires. What I do need should be a little easier to find, the first being a good meal. Lilith’s diner will suffice. Tell them it’s for me and that I want double my usual order. They’ll know what to bring.”
His eyes were narrowed at me, but I gave a smug grin as the doors began to close, stopping them with my foot long enough to offer a piece of advice, “Dude, if you want her, go for it. It’d be better to be able to watch her if you’re in the room instead of on the other side of a closed door. The worst she can do is say no.”
“He’s in love with her?” Looking at Trowa as the doors close dand the elevator began to move, I shrugged; my mind wasn’t really on that problem, but larger, more personal ones.
Talking about Esteban was going to delay the inevitable topic, so I nodded after a moment, “I guess so. He’s always been around, watching her like a hawk.”
“What did he mean about the seds and tricks?”
It’s hard to explain that kind of stuff out in the open, where someone could be listening, but I owed him that much, at the very least. “I came here on a binge one time, stoned out of my damn gourd. Jezz heard I was here and found me in a bar where I was doing my damndest to get four or five dancers to come with me for the night. She brought me back here and got me sober. If she hadn’t shown up when she did, it’s likely someone would have taken advantage of my state that night.”
“He had to take care of you?”
The doors opened and we walked down the hall, looking for the door that matched the number on the key. “He had to carry me from the bar. Jezz kept me in her apartment until I was sober and refused to take visitors.”
“He thinks you slept with her.”
“Yeah, but considering she found me at a gay bar…I don’t think he’s ever bothered to think about that part.” Our room was at the end of the hall, well away from anyone else. “This is us.”
Pushing the door open, Trowa frowned, “This looks like an apartment.”
“This is a bribe to keep me here instead of out there,” I jerked a thumb to indicate the dark sky beyond the window. “Jezz doesn’t want us on the street. She thinks I’d find trouble. She’s probably right.” If I had gone out, I would have been searching for the person asking questions about Trowa. Whoever it was posed a threat to him and that was something I wouldn’t allow. “It’s in her best interest to keep us happy.”
Trowa was walking around, looking into the rooms. “There are two bedrooms. That should make you happy. You have a bed to yourself.”
Thank God Jezz isn’t the type to plant listening devices, or she didn’t used to be. He would have just blown our cover story all to hell, not that it would have mattered. “We’re only going to need one.” That got his attention. He was staring at me like he wasn’t sure he heard right. A knock on the door gave me a few extra minutes to deal with this. Either it was one of the best ideas I’d ever had or one of the worst.
One of the brothers was at the door, holding the bag they had taken from me. I bet it had been gone through more than once, without Jezz’s knowledge. It’s no big deal or anything, I’m not stupid enough to bring anything of value off the ship, but I was gonna check to make sure. “You brought me a present.”
“I brought your bag, not a present,” he frowned at me. This wasn’t the same one that I talked to before, his voice at least two octaves higher than his brother. Geez, they really did look alike.
Assuming he wasn’t the brightest of the three, I took the bag, “Have some problems getting onto our ship?”
“Marlon couldn’t get the door open,” he said before giving me a wide-eyed look.
He hurried off before I could ask anything else, possibly realizing he wasn’t supposed to admit that. Closing the door, I saw Trowa was watching me from across the room, his eyes shadowed and hiding what he was thinking. “The food will be here in about a half-hour. Lilith’s is pretty good about getting food ready in a hurry. Until then, we can stand on the balcony and I’ll explain how things work in places like this.”
“Duo, we need to talk about what made you change your mind so suddenly.”
I took a quick inventory of the bag; nothing was missing, but it had definitely been searched. “There really isn’t anything to talk about.”
“There had to be something that made you change your mind.”
“Jezz gave me a piece of advice I intend to take.”
He watched me as I crossed the room, opening the door to the balcony. “Are you going to tell me what the advice was?”
“Nope; come here and tell me what you think those guys are doing on the corner.”
Of course, he couldn’t just let it go. “I don’t want you doing anything you’re going to regret.”
I knew I was gonna regret it if I slept with him, but not as much as I was going to regret not sleeping with him. I wasn’t going to tell him that, though. “It can’t change anything, Trowa. If you can accept that, so can I.”
Leaning on the railing, I watched the streets and what was going on below us. The place wasn’t as bad as the Shoe, but it had the same neglected feel the Shoe does. It looked like exactly what it was; a place that had been left to fend on its own without aid from the Earth Sphere, probably in the hopes that it would just fall apart. What the Sphere didn’t count on was some Spacer’s willingness to live in almost impossible conditions.
When Trowa mimicked my posture without responding, I pointed to the men below, “What do you think they’re doing down there?”
“A deal of some kind. Drugs?”
“Seds, yes. The seller is called a mule. His boss is a monkey. There are a lot of mules on the Shoe, but the monkeys are the more dangerous ones. We need to avoid them all. They can be dangerous and unpredictable.”
“So can you.”
Looking at his profile, I realized I was in deep, deep shit. I didn’t really know him. I knew what I had seen and what he had told me, but I didn’t know the person he was on a daily basis. That hadn’t stopped me from falling for the annoying, nosy fucker, though. “I can what?”
“Be dangerous and unpredictable. Every time I think I’ve started to figure you out, you do something that makes me feel like I’m standing still while you run in circles around me. You’re very confusing.”
It was not a compliment, but I decided to take it as one. “Don’t feel bad, Tro. I confuse myself a lot, too.”
“Name the four main drugs sold on the Shoe.”
His eyebrows lifted lazily, watching me from across the table in that way he had that made me feel he could see everything I was trying to hide. “Jinxers, Rabbit, Blow, and Polly…Pollywanna.”
“Pollyana, like an innocent little girl. Who are the most dangerous people?”
“That’s a trick question,” he pointed his fork at me. “Everyone is dangerous and we can’t trust anyone.”
“What do we do if we see a crime being committed?”
“Keep moving and don’t make eye contact. Duo, I don’t know if I can do that.”
I had assumed as much. It isn’t easy to spend your life trying to save people and then having to actively ignore a crime that’s happening right in front of you. “You have to; disputes on the Shoe are settled with blood and violence. If you cross the line and get involved, both parties will turn on you and you’ll be dead. We can’t afford any extra attention. There are too many people curious about you already.”
“How did Jezz know who I was?” he sat back, a glass of wine held in his long fingers. The wine was a gift from Jezz, a peace offering after I informed her that my bag had been searched. No telling what I could have gotten if I had ratted the brothers out for attempting to get into my ship.
I felt loose and relaxed. The wine and food had helped, but being able to rest for a night, not having to worry about pirates, the PSP, or space debris had gone a long way. Then again, my company likely had more to do with the way I was feeling more than anything else. “Someone’s been asking about you, Tro. You, specifically, not both of us. For some reason, someone’s scared.”
“That doesn’t make any sense. Why would someone be scared of me? I can’t do anything, not out here.”
I beg to differ, my sexy sidekick. “You can do plenty, just not what you’re used to doing. You used to be a merc. Being an agent is only part of your life. You’ll need to tap into your experience with the mercs for this.”
“How did you know I was a merc?”
How should I handle this? Did I act like it was something I happened to hear or…fuck it, “I know a lot more about you than you think.”
“You researched me after deciding I would come with you? Did you do that while Heero was with you?”
“I’ve known for a lot longer than that. I was curious about you during the war. While the scientists were around, I asked G some questions. He was happy to get the answers for me.”
“Why would he do that?”
Uh-oh. Trowa didn’t seem happy that I had gone behind his back, but what the hell was I supposed to do? I needed to know about him, so I had asked. “To keep me from finding the answers out on my own. Neither one of us thought you’d be happy to find out I wanted to know about you, and G was more than happy to learn what he could to keep me from getting my ass kicked.”
“I would have answered any questions you asked, Duo.”
“Yeah, right; you didn’t speak to me a lot and when you did, you weren’t real nice. Alienating you was not in my master plan. I wanted to know about you, so I found out what I could. It’s that simple.”
“Is this something you did with all of us?”
“Nah. G told me all about Heero right after we first met so I wouldn’t do anything stupid and get myself killed. Wufei will answer anything as long as you ask him the right way, and Quatre was an open book. If you wanted to know something you could ask him or one of the Maguanacs. You were the only one I couldn’t figure out.”
“Why did you want to know about me?”
We were running into tricky territory, the kind that could have easily blown up in my face. Again, I could have evaded or I could give him the truth. He may not like it, but truth is what I decided to go with. “You were quiet and you were sexy as hell. That was enough to make me want to know more. Later, when I realized you didn’t like me, I tried to keep my distance.”
“I liked you, but I didn’t understand you. I still don’t understand you.”
“There isn’t much to figure out about me, you know. I’m a smuggler, plain and simple.” I didn’t think that was going to be enough to keep him from asking questions. I hate fucking questions, but it was only fair that I gave him the answers he wanted. I did go behind his back, after all.
“Do you have a family?”
“I’m an orphan.”
“Something we have in common.” He sipped his wine, watching me over the rim of his glass. I swear, those eyes were gonna be the end of me. “Close friends?”
“Not many. It’s hard to make lasting bonds in this business. Most of the people I know are acquaintances or contacts, like Jezz. I trust her, and that’s saying a lot.”
“Why don’t you trust people?”
“I trust a few, but people like me are more prone to screw someone over if they have a good reason, or if they think they have a good reason.”
“What would be considered a good reason?”
“For them? Not a lot. Offer enough money or a good trade and someone will turn on you. Smugglers don’t have a code of honor they live by, Tro. We do what we have to do to survive.”
“What would it take for you to turn on someone?”
Damnit, he was smirking and he had a good reason. “I wouldn’t.”
“Why not?”
“Because money isn’t enough of a motivator to make me flip on someone that way. It’s only come up once in the years since I started doing this. It’s not likely it’ll ever happen again.”
“Why not?”
“Because word got around about what I did to the bastard that had the gall to try and bribe me. It probably wouldn’t have been so bad if he hadn’t threatened me after offering me money didn’t work.”
“What did he threaten you with?”
“My ship; he said he would blow up the Hellion if I didn’t go along with what he wanted. It pissed me off.”
“I can imagine. Do I want to know what you did to him?”
“Probably not, but I will say he isn’t as pretty as he was before threatening me. Last I heard, he wasn’t in the business anymore.”
“Why did you cut yourself off from us after the war?”
If he had been hoping to trick me into answering that question more in depth than I already had, he was going to be disappointed. “I already told you; I didn’t fit in with you guys.”
“You did.”
“No, I didn’t.” Leaning forward to refill my glass, I rolled my eyes, “There wasn’t a reason to stick around, so I didn’t.”
“If things had gone differently with Heero, would you have left?”
Why hadn’t I seen that one coming? “I don’t know. Maybe, but I doubt it. I never had any expectations for Heero. He’s as incapable of relationships as I am, or he used to be. I didn’t think it would change anything if we had slept together, Trowa. I just wanted to be close to someone for a while.”
“I know why you didn’t talk to me or Quatre, but why not Wufei? You two were friends, weren’t you?”
“We still are friends, not close, but we do still send each other an email every once in a while.” He was surprised by that. Just because I hadn’t actually talked to anyone didn’t mean I hadn’t kept in touch with someone that had needed my help, and Wufei had needed it. “He had a lot of shit he was going through. I wasn’t going to give him more to worry about.”
“Don’t you think he would have been looking for some comfort from someone?”
Trowa didn’t know about Wufei and Treize and I wasn’t going to tell him. “I couldn’t have given him the kind of comfort he needed.”
“How many lovers have you had since the war?”
“A few.”
“Not as many as you’d led me to believe.” That son of a bitch was actually smirking as he filled his glass. Damn, he had begun to figure me out a little bit. “You want me to think you’ve slept with numerous people, but I’m guessing there’s been five or less.”
There had been four. It wasn’t because I wasn’t willing to have sex with people I didn’t really know, there just weren’t that many opportunities; when I was working, I didn’t socialize and when I wasn’t working, I was on my ship. “Just because I haven’t doesn’t mean I wouldn’t. I like sex, a lot. There are times when I’d be willing to screw whatever moved, but I’m usually on ship in the middle of nowhere when it happens.”
“What do you do then?”
“Jerk off.”
I guess I should have been insulted when he chuckled, but it was difficult to be angry or upset when he was still watching me. Something in his eyes had changed in the last few minutes. This wasn’t the usual, penetrating stare, but something different, more aware of me. Since we were talking about sex, it wasn’t that hard to figure out where his mind had gone. “How many lovers have you had since the war, Tro?”
“Two. I was in relationships with them at the time.”
“Do you really believe you can have sex and not expect more?” I was sick and tired of skirting the issue. His questions had been leading to this topic. “I was in a relationship with one of the men I’ve slept with and in kind of a business relationship with the other, until I found out I didn’t really like what he was.”
“Nico and someone else,” he nodded, looking at his glass for a second before looking back at me. The way the lights were hitting his face it looked like his damn eyes were glowing. “Nico was the last person you dared let yourself care about and he hurt you. It isn’t that hard to figure out why you’ve taken the stance you have against becoming involved with someone.”
“Just so you know, I hate psychology; it gives me a headache.” Yeah, he was right. I didn’t have to be happy about it, though. “None of that means I’m gonna suddenly decide to have a relationship. If I did, it wouldn’t be with someone that’s gonna be around for a few weeks and then disappear.”
“I wouldn’t disappear.”
“You’ll go back to Earth, back to your job and normal life. It would amount to the same thing.”
“There’s no rule that says we wouldn’t be able to see each other.”
When in the hell had he decided to become an optimist? Me? I’m a realist. “That’s true, but I’m pretty damn sure there are rules against Preventer agents being involved with smugglers. Even if there aren’t, seeing you could be dangerous to my health. If someone realized you’re still an active agent, I’d be tortured or worse so people could figure out what I’ve told you. I’m not exaggerating in any way, shape, or form, man. Being associated with a whistler could be my death sentence.”
“In that case, sleeping together is dangerous.”
“Not really. For now, everything thinks you’re a former agent. They won’t understand it, but they will understand me taking on a former Gundam pilot as a partner. As long as we’re convincing, no one will try to kill me…any more than normal, at least.”
He stood abruptly, keeping his glass as he moved onto the balcony, leaning one arm against it and looking down to where the streets had come to life. In places like these, the city is busier at night than during the day. The docks were likely full, people like me coming to unwind or maybe even see the family and friends that lived there.
When I stood behind him, resting my shoulder on the frame of the door, he spoke quietly, not turning around to look at me. “It really is impossible, isn’t it? After finding Quatre’s location, I return to Earth and you go back to what you do. Seeing you again would get me into trouble with my superiors and put you in grave danger.”
“That’s what I’ve been trying to tell you the whole time, Trowa. You didn’t want to listen. What made you realize I wasn’t joking?”
I wanted him to look at me, but he wouldn’t. I wish I didn’t understand how saddened he was by all of this, his shoulders sagging like there was a heavy weight on them. He gave a small wave, gesturing to the hundreds of people filling the streets, most of them visibly carrying weapons. “This place and the things Jezz said. I didn’t want to believe you. I assumed you were making up excuses not to get involved with me.”
“I’ve stolen from people without feeling guilty and cheated people out of things more than once, but I was honest with you. As long as you’re an agent and I’m a smuggler, nothing more is possible.”
“If things were different, if we lived in the same world, would that make you change your mind?”
“I don’t think about that. I can’t think about that, Tro, so I can’t give you an answer.” At least he had finally realized it wouldn’t work, but it was a damn depressing thought. “Once you go back home, you’ll put all of this behind you. It’ll become a story you relate to others; the thrill of running from the PSP, the fear you felt while riding through an asteroid field with an insane pilot at the controls, and the disgust you felt on Strauss will be vague memories.”
“What about you?”
“I’ll be an interesting interlude. You can’t say I’m the type you’ve dated before; there’s probably a reason for that.” There wasn’t anything I could say to make him feel better, so I stuck to the truth. “You might think you feel something for me now, but it’s caused by being around me. It’s a novelty that’ll fade as time goes by.”
He finally turned around to look at me. Why did he have to say so much with his eyes? “Do you believe that?”
“I know that. We have a few things in common, but that’s all. Other than those few things, we’re completely different. All of this is exciting and dangerous for you, but it’s my life. Could you do this all the time without craving the…normalcy of your life?”
“It doesn’t look like I’ll get a chance to find out. When we find Quatre’s location…”
“You have to go. I know that, just like I know it’ll be a Preventer operation I can’t be included in. As soon as we find out what we need to, you and I go our separate ways. Nothing can stop that from happening.”
“How will you remember me, Duo? Will you remember me at all?”
Why did he constantly ask questions that I didn’t want to answer or think about? I knew I was going to remember him, all right. I was going to remember him as the biggest mistake I had ever made, the one person that had been able to make me doubt the life I had. I’d remember him with a combination of fondness and pain. I would remember him as the man that made me feel more than I had ever wanted to. “I’ll remember you. I won’t be able to forget.” I wouldn’t answer his first question, it was a mind field best left alone.
“Even knowing all of that, knowing we won’t see each other again, you still want me?”
What I want didn’t really matter anymore. I wanted him in a way I had never wanted someone before, not even Nico. Honestly, Nico hadn’t even close to making me feel the way I did when Trowa was looking at me like that, like I was someone important to him. “It’s up to you, Tro. I won’t force you to do anything you don’t want to do.”
His mouth was on mine almost before the words were out of my mouth, stealing my breath away. If that kiss said anything, it was that he wanted me, yet didn’t want me all at the same time. He was hesitating, holding back. That wasn’t work going to work, so I backed away. “Forget it. You don’t want this. You can’t do this and it not matter.”
He sighed as he put his glass down on the small table beside the door, hands flexing as soon as both were empty. Before I could ask what was wrong, I was against the railing with him pressed to me, tongue filling my mouth when I gasped. The sound of my glass smashing to the floor wasn’t enough to make me push him away as his hands invaded my hair, shoving them deep into the hair at my neck and finding where it was loose enough for his fingers to dig in.
I thought I knew what desperation felt like, but there has never been anything as strong as that. Everything that had happened since he and Heero had walked onto my Hellion had made me confused, but this was the culmination of everything good. Getting beaten by Allbright and his men and defying death in an asteroid field paled in comparison to the feel of his mouth on me, fingers digging into my scalp. It wasn’t just my desperation fueling us, it was his, too; I felt the need in the way his body was shaking.
Thank god the bandages he’d wrapped around my hands didn’t cover my fingers, leaving them free to find the skin under his shirt. His muscles quivered, shooting a spark of lust through me, so when he pulled away, I honestly considered choking him to death. “You’ve changed your mind?”
“What? No. There’s someone knocking on the door, Duo.”