Gundam Wing Fan Fiction ❯ Won't matter ❯ One ( Chapter 1 )

[ Y - Young Adult: Not suitable for readers under 16 ]

By: jkb

(Note: It's so frustrating to upload to Fanfiction now. No matter what I do, what format I use, all the text seems to be jumbled together.

Anyway…being terrible at writing descriptive prose, I decided to stop beating myself up over it and write a fic that's pretty much all dialogue.

I hope it isn't too confusing for folks…and I hope you'll let me know what you think.

Thanks for reading...jkb)

Won't Matter

You've locked the door

and you've

thrown away the key...

Your smile lingers

but the

joke's on me...

"What do you want?"

Heero shifted uncomfortably in the doorway, shoving his hands in the pockets of his jeans.

He looked good, Duo had to admit to himself. Too damn good.

Dark hair tousled as always, he'd filled out a bit, not quite so rail thin. Duo himself had

filled out a bit also although not exactly as he'd wanted.

Too many nights missing the man standing in front of him, too many nights watching

TV and feeling sorry for himself, seeking comfort in food.

Heero pulled one hand out of his pocket and scratched that back of his head.

The gesture was done offhand, but to Duo it seemed more of a stall than

a wayward itch.

"Well?"

"Duo...I" He hesitated, frowning.

"Let me help you, okay?" Duo said with a trace of sarcasm. "A year ago...twelve months, three

hundred and sixty five days. You wanna know how many hours...minutes...seconds?"

Heero leveled a gaze at him, then turned away.

"Well...that was the first time I won a staring contest with you...you're slipping."

"I..." Heero began, but Duo interrupted him. "Every second of every minute I thought of you, missed you.

I bawled like a baby for two months straight...Quatre moved in for a while. I think he thought I was

gonna off myself or somethin'."

He chuckled, but it was a hard sound, not a trace of actual humor. "Even you aren't worth that."

"Duo...I love you."

All motion ceased for several seconds, then Duo looked up at him, defiant.

"You suck."

Heero startled visibly. Duo's use of vulgarity was certainly nothing unheard of before, but it had never

been directed at his partner.

Never.

"Get gone Heero...now."

Duo started to shut the door. Heero swung his arm out reflexively and stopped the process, his

hand hitting the door with a slight slapping sound.

The sound seemed to cause something in Duo to snap.

Suddenly he was a blur of motion, throwing the door back open so violently that it smashed against

the inside wall. He grabbed two handfuls of Heero's shirt and pushed as hard as he could causing the

Asian man to stumble backward, slipping down the two porch steps to the walkway and landing on his ass.

"Get OUT!" he screamed.

"This is my house! Mine! You don't fucking belong here!"

The door slammed so hard, it shook in it's frame.

Heero sat for several minutes before getting up, brushing off the seat of his jeans and walking back the

way he'd come.

Well...the world is turning all the time...

Stop it

so that

he won't

pass me by...

What he won't know

won't matter...

"Did you know?"

"Duo, of course not." Quatre said. "You know I would never have let him just show up like that. I wouldn't do that to you."

Duo nodded but to Quatre it seemed a nod of understanding versus agreement.

"C'mon bug...I'm your best friend. I wouldn't do that...ever."

"Okay." Duo relented. "Sorry...I'm just so freaked, you know?"

"I know."

"Did he talk to you at all?"

"Duo, c'mon." Quatre said. "Don't you think if that little-dicked shithead said a word, I would've told you? Are you kidding?"

"Well...I guess I don't have to question where your loyalties lie, huh?"

"Not for a second, you long-haired hippie faggot."

"Thanks, you little blonde princess"

"You've got to be kidding me."

Wufei looked in the direction of Duo's gaze and saw Heero approaching their table.

"What's he doing here?" Wufei's voice held a note of disbelief.

"Shit." Duo muttered and his voice shook. "shit...shit...shit."

Heero stepped over to them and nodded to Duo, then to Wufei.

"Chang." he said respectfully.

"Heero."

Duo." Heero said, focusing his attention on his former partner.

"Heero." Duo said. "Well...I'm glad we could have this little chat."

He got up and stalked passed Heero, heading as quickly as he could toward the restaurant exit.

Heero watched him go, then slumped into the closest chair. "Shit."

"Eloquent." Wufei said.

"I don't know what to do."

"Well, for one you could give me some money."

Heero looked at him. "What?"

"Duo and I have dinner together once a week..."

"And?"

"And you made him uncomfortable so he left."

"And?"

"And it was his turn to pay."

Where are you going...

Are you

going

alone...

"Duo..."

Duo rolled his eyes as he turned, knowing full well the owner of the velvet-laced voice.

"Oh yea..my stalker."

Heero looked unsure for a moment, then. "I'm not stalking you. I just want you to listen."

"Well...since you didn't give a damn about what I wanted when you left...of course I'm all ears."

"Duo...I guess I deserve your anger..."

"Your damn right you do."

"...but could you tone down the sarcasm, just a tad?"

"Ahhh, no."

"Here, let me help you." Heero said as he picked up a rag and started to wipe the haze of wax from the bumper of Duo's car.

"I can do it." Duo said as he pushed Heero's hand out of the way with his own.

"I just want to..."

"I don't want your fucking help!" He stood angrily and threw the rag he'd been buffing the car with on the ground. "I stopped needin' you some time ago. Now it just comes down to a question of want. Do I still want you around?...Surprisingly, no."

"Duo please...just talk to me."

"Heero, fuck off. You left without even telling me. You sent me an email two days later that didn't even have an explanation, just a 'I need to figure some things out' line of bullshit that still pisses me off everytime I think about it."

"But I want to tell you why..."

"I so don't care."

"How can you say that?...After all that we've been through?"

"How could you have left after all we'd been through?"

"That's why I'm here!" Heero raised his voice for the first time since his return. "Jeez."

Duo slumped down and sat cross-legged on the ground. "Fine...explain away. Just know it won't make a damn bit of difference."

Heero took a breath and blew it out. "Okay..." He crouched down and said softly. "Just know that I love you, okay?"

Duo did another world-class eye roll. "Ah huh."

"Oh for crying out loud Duo...I fucked up. Don't you think I know that?"

"Well, I'd like to remind you, over and over and over."

"You were so young when we met...I was too, I know, but I felt like we were too young, you know?"

Duo looked at him.

"And my upbringing was hardly conventional...and I had these...feelings."

"Feelings?"

"Yes Duo." Heero smirked. "I do have them, despite what you and our friends think."

"And?"

"And I was so confused. What if I acted on these feelings...these impulses and somehow ended up hurting you."

"Yes, I could see how leaving me without a word would hurt so much less, but what kind of 'impulses' are we talking about?...kinky stuff?...child porn?...orgies?...Pampered Chef parties...what?"

"I...I had 'feelings' about other men..."

"Feelings?"

"I wanted them...I...I thought about being with them."

"And?"

"And?..." Heero was surprised. "That doesn't bother you?"

"Well...it doesn't thrill me, but it is fairly normal."

"What?"

"Heero, everyone looks. It's natural...as long as your not off banging all the boys at work or in your classes then..."

"Did you think about other men?"

Duo shrugged. "Yeah...I had a huge crush on Cat for a bit."

"Quatre?"

"Yes...he's my best friend, and he's cute so...we never did anything though."

"Was this when we were together?"

"Yes...but I loved you, so..."

"Oh..." Heero hesitated. "Ahh...are you together now?"

Duo looked up. "That would bother you wouldn't it?...you like the idea that I waited for you..."

"Did you...wait, I mean?"

"Fuck you Heero. You're not gonna get any true confessions outta me. You wanted to talk, so talk."

"You said loved...as in past tense."

"So?"

"You don't love me anymore?"

"C'mon Heero, are you kidding me with this? You left...it's been a year.

"I thought all that volatile emotion was because you still wanted..."

Duo frowned. "Even if I still love you, doesn't mean I'll take you back or anything."

"You wouldn't?"

"Oh please...so you 'thought' about other guys, well, welcome to the real world Heero. Doesn't mean you throw away what you have, you fucking dolt. Relationships are hard...you find someone you love, who loves you and you fucking hang on. You don't walk out and disappear for a year, then come back and pick up where you left off."

Heero rubbed his eyes. "Jesus I fucked up bad."

"Yup."

"I thought it was wrong...that I was defective or something."

"You are."

"Thanks."

"It doesn't make you unique Heero."

"Thanks for that also."

"So.." Duo said with a sigh. "That's it huh?...the whole deal as to why you left? Because you basically checked out other guys and thought it was a threat to us?"

"You make it sound so...lame."

"It is." Duo said with a smirk. "You are a complete shithead. And to think...all this time I was blaming myself, thinking you left because of me...that I wasn't enough for you...Jeez, you are one fucking jerk."

"I'm sorry Duo...really...but I thought if I left, that it would hurt both of us but better to do it now then after we'd been together for ten years. It would have been worse then, right?"

"So...what did you do? Sleep with every guy you could?" Duo shifted, stretching out his legs and Heero could tell his former partner didn't really want the answer.

"Well..."

"Cut the crap Heero. At least be honest with me now."

"Yes...I did."

"Oh Christ...were you safe at least?"

"Most of the time."

Duo got up suddenly and turned away, starting toward the house.

Heero jumped up. "Duo?"

Well...the world is turning all the time...

Stop it

so that

he won't

pass me by...

What he won't know

won't matter...

Duo's garage was on the corner of Sanford and West Elm streets, tucked between houses on either side, it could almost pass for a house itself except for the two garage bays and single gas pump out front.

Heero pulled in and got out, noticing the huge Lincoln sport utility parked next to Duo's old, yet freshly waxed Toyota.

Sure enough, Quatre came out as he walked toward the office entrance.

"I wouldn't Heero."

The blonde's eyes flashed dangerously, doing a more than passable imitation of Heero's 'death glare'.

"I would like to see Duo." Heero's voice stated that he expected no less.

"I would like you to burn in Hell..." Quatre said with a smirk, making no move to get out of Heero's intended path. "I guess we'll both be disappointed, huh?"

"Quatre, I understand your being protective...but I'm not here to hurt him."

"Really?" Quatre moved closer, defiant. "You're about a year too late for that."

"I know, and I'm sorry...but I can't change that." He looked Quatre in the eyes and his expression was sad. "I can try and make it up to him though."

"Heero, you've done enough damage here. Turn around, get in your car and go."

"I can't"

"Of course you can."

"It took me a while to figure it out Quatre, but..." Heero tried to smile, but failed. "I need him."

"What about what Duo needs?" Quatre moved even closer, so close their chests almost touched. "I want you to ask yourself something Heero...why can't you leave it alone? Is it for Duo's best interest...or your own?"

Quatre bumped his chest into Heero's causing the Asian man to take a step backward.

"Don't be a selfish fuck all your life...think about him."

Heero stared Quatre down for a minute before muttering, "All I do is think about him..."

Heero turned and walked away.

What he won't know

won't matter...

"So...what's up?" Duo asked as soon as they were seated.

"Up?" Quatre asked, opening a menu. "What do you mean?"

"C'mon Cat...you truly suck at hiding stuff."

Quatre rolled his eyes and put the menu down. "I know...I'm not good at all."

"Now little, there's lots of things you're good at."

He'd taken Trowa's nickname of 'little one' and shortened it to 'little' some time ago.

"Heero came by today..."

"Huh?"

"Heero. He came by the station...you were out back looking for a spark plug or something..."

"Fuel injector."

"Right...and I wouldn't let him see you."

"Umm...okay." Duo brightened. "Thanks...you done good."

"No Duo, I didn't. I told him he'd done enough damage and to leave you alone...that he was a selfish fuck who only thinks of what he wants...not you."

"And?"

"And..." Quatre looked away for a minute. When he turned back, his eyes were bright and his voice hitched. "and I was the one being selfish."

"Quatre...you are the most unselfish person I know...I've ever known. C'mon little...what's going on with you?"

"You told me a long time ago that you'd had a crush on me."

"Yeah...so?"

"So...I never told you how I felt about that."

"Quatre don't...I know you didn't feel the same, but we'd always been honest with each other. Plus, I was with Heero...it's not like I actually wanted anything to happen...it was a crush, that's all."

"I'm sorry Duo..." A single tear slid down Quatre's cheek. "But...I never told you I felt the same."

"What?"

"I didn't tell you 'cause the timing was bad...then you and Heero broke up and you were a wreck...a complete basket-case...then,it seemed like you were getting better, you know, getting your life back and I thought that once you were really over him, I'd tell you and we could see what happened, but..."

Duo just stared at him as Quatre went on, "Now he's here...and I wouldn't let him see you. I accused him of not considering your feelings...and that's exactly what I did. I didn't think about if you wanted to talk to Heero or not...if you wanted to work things out. I just didn't want him in the way." His voice hitched again. "I'm really sorry."

"Jesus..." Duo breathed.

"I know...but I'm trying to make it right...so I'm telling you now. You should go and see if you can make it work."

"Quatre...shut up."

Quatre looked down at the table, staring at the closed menu as if it would solve everything.

"Look at me."

The blonde just shook his head.

"Quatre, look at me."

He looked up. Duo's face was serious. "You're telling me that all this time...for the past year while I've been freaking out over Heero, you've felt this way?"

Quatre nodded.

"My God...how could not say anything?"

"It wasn't right...it wasn't what you needed."

"What about what you needed?"

Quatre shrugged. "I figured I had time..."

Duo took a deep breath and blew it out. "This is a lot."

"I know."

"A lot."

"I know."

"I mean...I let go of any romantic notions about you a while ago...I just didn't see the point of it. You didn't feel the same and that was that."

"Again with the sorry."

"Stop apologizing. You have nothing to be sorry for. I should apologize to you. I should have seen it, but I was so wrapped up in myself."

"You were heartbroken...you couldn't be expected to..."

"Well...I totally stand by my 'unselfish' comment. You are amazing. I can't believe you felt this way and never said anything 'cause you were concerned for me...Jesus, you're a friggin' saint!"

"Duo..."

"Cat...you gotta give me a little time to think."

"I know..." Quatre said, getting up and throwing a wad of bills on the table. "That's exactly what I'm going to do."

I am alone

it doesn't matter anyway

where are you going

are you

going

alone?

"You are an idiot."

"Thanks Wu...knew I could count on ya."

"Duo, you mean to tell me you really didn't know? I mean, it was so obvious... dogs knew."

Duo chuckled. "Nice. Way to make me feel even worse there buddy."

"You know how strong my friendship is...don't be insulting. I always have your best interests at heart and you know it. You and Quatre."

"Wufei...why didn't you say anything?"

Wufei just stared at him disparagingly.

"Okay, okay...I know why you didn't tell me...jeez, enough with the 'look of shame' already."

Wufei smiled, a real smile that lit up his features. "You never could take the look of shame. It got you everytime."

Duo chuckled. "Yeah...you never hesitated to use it either."

"Only when you were acting like an ass...or coming on to me."

"Hey...I used to have a thing for Asian guys, 'kay?"

"Straight ones?"

"Well...I had kinda hoped you'd change your mind."

"Not likely...why don't you change your mind and be straight?"

"Ewww..."

"Exactly."

They sat for a moment until the waitress brought their drinks, then Wufei said. "Used to?"

"Well, let's just say that since Heero left, my desire for the Asian boys has just about dried up."

"And the entire Asian community can breathe a sigh of relief."

"Up yours."

"Not a chance."

After a few moments of silence, Wufei said. "What will you do?"

Duo downed his drink in one gulp, then placed the glass back on the table where the waitress would be sure to notice. "Dammed If I know."

"Maybe you should sleep on it."

"That'd be great...but in case the huge bags under my eyes haven't told you...I can't sleep. For two nights."

"Yeah...I meant to tell you, you look like shit."

"Thanks."

"Duo." Wufei said seriously. "What do you want?"

"Well...when I figure that out...you'll be the second to know."

"I'll look forward to it."

"Thanks Wu."

Heero's smile lit up his face. "You came."

"You weren't that hard to track down."

"Still...you made the effort."

Duo looked through the doorway past Heero at the little studio apartment. "You gonna invite me in?"

"Oh...yeah, sure...sorry. C'mon in."

"I brought some wine although I'd rather have something non-alchoholic if that's okay."

"Sure..I have water, soda, juice..."

"Soda's fine...I've had a little too much booze over the last couple of days, you know?"

"Yeah...I know the feeling."

"So..." Duo said, sitting on the couch.

"I know you're still pissed off Duo, and I understand, but I hope you're here to give me a second chance."

"You know I"m still 'pissed off'?...How?"

Heero smiled as he handed Duo a can of soda. "I've known you for too long...I can tell just by the way you're sitting."

"I don't like that you think you know me so well. I may have changed over the last year, you know."

"I realize that..but some things don't change."

"Heero..." Duo began, but the Asian man interrupted him.

"I'm sorry for what I put you through Duo. I really am, but it's all in the past now."

"Is it?"

"Of course."

"But what happens the next time you have some thought or emotion you can't deal with...how long before you take off again."

"I won't"

"You say that now, but..."

"Duo, I won't."

"Fine...you won't. Did you miss me at least?"

"More than anything...more than I could ever imagine."

"I missed you...so much I thought I might die."

"I know...I"m sorry."

"Like you said...all in the past now."

Heero sat next to him and took his hand. "I'm so glad you came...I can't believe you're here."

Duo smiled thinly, then pulled his hand back. "Some things I need to say to you."

Heero's smile slid a bit as he nodded. "Okay..."

"I...I don't know if I can forgive you for leaving like that...I'm trying but I don't know if I can."

"Duo...please...can you try a little harder?"

Duo frowned. "Don't put that on me...don't you think I am trying? Leave it to you to place the fucking blame on me."

"I'm not blaming you."

"You implied I wasn't trying hard enough...you're the one who left, you're the one who was fucking his way across the country and somehow the fate of our relationship is my fault."

"That's not what I meant at all."

"Of course it is...why take responsibility for your actions when you can blame me?"

"Duo c'mon...I take full responsibility, I'm the one who screwed up. It's my fault, not yours."

"Yes...you're right. It is all your fault."

"Okay...you may be overreacting just a bit."

Duo ran a hand across his face and sighed. "Whatever...my emotions are all fucked up. I thought I was okay until you came back...thought I was over everything."

"But you're not..."

"Guess not."

"So now what?"

Duo hesitated, then handed the unopened can of soda to Heero. "I'm gonna go."

"Go?...for good?

"Umm...yeah, sorry 'Ro but I'm too angry at you...and I can't forgive you so...what's the point?"

Heero nodded.Â

Duo walked to the door, but was spun around before he got there. Heero pulled him close and kissed him hard.

"Duo.." He breathed, "Please...give me one more chance."

Duo felt the intensity of the kiss, the emotion behind it. He'd dreamed of Heero's mouth on his for the last year...missed it...longed for it. The familiar taste of the Asian man's tongue in his mouth was sweet, but fell short.

"Heero...I'm scared I'll never feel the way I did with you again. That no one else can make me want so much and so badly, but...I don't trust you anymore. I'm sorry 'Ro."

"Jesus Duo..." Heero's voice shook. "Don't leave...please."

Duo opened the door and paused on the other side. "I think...I think maybe our time is over...I don't regret it, but..." He tried to smile and failed.

"It's done..."

"Hi."

"Hey."

"You want to come in?"

"Yeah..." Duo held up a bag. "I brought your favorite ice cream."

Quatre smiled as Duo stepped in, but he noticed the smile didn't quite reach his eyes.

"You okay?"

"Yeah...just kinda tired I guess."

"Tired, or upset?"

"Duo..."

"Look Cat...we've always been honest with each other. I need that honesty, 'kay?"

"Okay...I'm afraid that I fucked things up for us...and that you're here to hurt me...and you brought my favorite ice cream to soften the hit."

"Quatre..."

"Oh god..."

"Stop jumping to conclusions okay?"

"Duo, just say it and get it over with."

"I told Heero no."

Quatre turned and looked at him. "Umm...that was my hopeful ear...what?"

Duo smiled sadly. "I told him no...that I didn't trust him and couldn't forgive him for leaving."

"And?"

"And now I'm here, but..."

"But?"

"But, I'm not sure I should be involved with anyone just now." He saw the look that passed over his friend's features briefly, like lightning."

"Cat...I love you...and I really want you, but I'm afraid that I'm not really over him yet."

"So...what do we do?"

Duo held up the bag again. "We eat ice cream, watch tv and take it really, really slow."

Quatre smiled, a real smile. "I can live with that."

"You sure, you little blonde princess?"

"I'm sure, you long-haired hippie faggot."

End

Xxxxx

Xxxx

Xxx

Lyrics written by Lava Hay. Used without permission.