Gundam Wing Fan Fiction ❯ Word by Heartfelt Word ❯ Chapter 1

((I do not own Gundam Wing, blah blah blah))

Delicate hands hesitantly placed the soft, pink sheet of paper onto the
flawlessly organized desk. Her eyes darted about the exquisite office of
the Perfect soldier, knowing all too well that the unusual colored piece of
paper would be the first thing he's investigate. That was what she wanted.
Her lips parting with an escaping, troubled sigh, the young girl quickly
turned and left the office. It pained her heart greatly, like a heavy
stone had been set onto her chest, slowly beginning to cease her breathing,
but now it had been done. She waited anxiously for the pair of cobalt eyes
to devour the text of her heart. It was the only way he'd ever know . . .

***

Dearest Heero,

I knew you'd read this first. In a way, I'm glad, and yet, I'm grieved.
You see, Heero Yui, I can't go on with this relationship any longer.
Bluntly put, I . . . I hate you, Heero. I hate you so much.

You must be asking yourself, 'Why do you hate me?' Well, I'll tell you
why. I can't stand the mere fact that you will not return my feelings. I
loved you, so much Heero, that there's nothing in this world I wouldn't
have done for you. Do you remember the old days, Heero? How it used to be
between us? I loved those times. I cherished them so much . . . We would
just be lying next to each other, nothing kept secret from either of us.
Everyday, you used to tell me, "I love you." Now, those words are almost
foreign to me. I either have to ask if you still loved me, or you'd tell
me only to make me stop crying. It may seem small, but it's the small
things that count, Heero.

Remember how whenever you'd be on a mission, or I'd be at a meeting, we'd
keep in touch by phone? We'd call each other and talk for a long while
about anything. Now, the only time we'd call each other is if the other
requested the call. Not only that, it'd be very brief. I've . . . I've
almost forgotten your voice, Heero.

Remember how we used to talk about our future? Such as how our house would look like or how many kids we'd have, or even how we were going to furnish
our home? And talks about our wedding . . . You once asked me what I would
answer if you asked me to marry you. I told you that there's no reason in
the world why I'd say no. Now, you tell me of your future, your planned
"lonely" future, which excludes me.

Heero, does this letter sound selfish? Maybe it does, or maybe it doesn't.
I'm not one to decide; I'm pouring my bleeding heart out to you. My heart
is bleeding, my head is hurting . . . I want to cry, Heero. I want to cry
until I fall asleep. But you know what? Do you know how many times I've
done that already? I'd be lying in bed, alone, thinking of you;
remembering you, your words, your touch . . . Everything. It'd make me
cry so hard, I didn't think I'd ever stop. I don't know how many
pillowcases I soaked up in one night alone with my tears. My heart's
bleeding, and it won't stop; I wanted you to love me back, Heero. YOUR
love! Is that so much to ask for, being your girlfriend? I . . . guess it
must be . . .

Because I -know- that I'm not the only one in that so-called heart of
yours.

Yes, you've told me before. You told me of -him-; your former lover during
the war. You told me that you miss him. You told me that, even now, you
two have this 'odd' relationship. You tried to assure me that it was over
between you two; that you can't stand him any longer. You told me that I
had nothing to worry about; that your heart belonged to me. If that's true, then why can't you tear yourself away from him?

"I'm only to meet with him for a while," "I won't be gone long," "Don't
worry about me," "I'll be back in a week." That 'week' turned into two
months. Heero, I don't want to know what happened; you seemed so happy
when you returned. While gone, you never called, never written, never had
any contact with me . . . I worried about you, so much it made me sick.
Was I worried about you, or was I worried about our relationship? I don't
want to know what you did while you were away, Heero. I honestly don't.
I'm afraid that it'll hurt me too much; more than it has already. Not a
day went by during that time when I didn't think of you. And I still can't
stop thinking of you.

A while back, you told me that you think, no, that you -knew- that it was
possible to love two people at one time. Heero, how is that possible? How
could you love and devote your entire time to two people, and expect to get
all their love back? Have you even -thought- of what your two 'lovers'
might feel in that sort of situation? I know you love him, Heero. I know
you love your ex lover and claim to love me at the same time. Do you know
how much it hurts, Heero? Do you know how it feels to know that that one
person you love, that one person of whom you gave everything to, doesn't
love you back as much as you love them? That they don't love just you?
Perhaps it was a good thing that you rarely said, 'I love you', now that I
think about it. With my current knowledge, it'd only hurt me more the more
times you said it. Each disgusting lie would be cutting deeper into my
heart; into my soul.

I don't feel special, I don't feel needed, and I don't feel loved. My
heart is carrying this heavy, bleeding wound that will scar me for life.
It hurts so much, Heero. This pain . . . It's almost unbearable. I got so
happy when I saw you, but now, I feel so disgusted that I just want you to
gather your belongings and leave.

This past month, while you've been away at your latest mission, has really
given me some time to think; to begin a therapy of healing. I found out
that I'm so much happier when you're gone; I can finally smile again!
Then, I'd see something, like a card that you've given me for Valentine's
day, or perhaps a letter that you've written to me declaring your "love",
and I'd find myself on the verge of tears. It hurts so much Heero, that
this pain is going to drive me insane.

So this leads me to my decision of leaving you, Heero Yui. My heart throbs
in torturing pain as the thought of leaving you enters my mind, but I think
that it'll be the best for both me and you. I can finally begin to heal the
near-fatal emotional wounds that you've given me, while you go and live
happily ever after with your "ex lover". Whenever I'll see you, sometime
in the near future, I know I'm going to start hurting again, but it's only
for the best. I just hope that whenever you think of me, your heart will
feel my pain . . .

Sincerely,
Relena Peacecraft

PS- Please tell me you told your lover about me . . .

~*~

The door to Heero's office flew open. In walked a young man, Heero's age,
with a "Welcome Back" greeting card in hand. As he neared Heero's desk, he
instantly noticed the open letter written in black ink on pink paper.
Curious about who the letter was from, the youth set down the card and
picked up the letter. Word by heartfelt word, the young man from colony
L2, thought to have been loved by the soldier who occupied that office,
read the letter with a troubled heart . . .