Gundam Wing Fan Fiction ❯ Words of the Heart ❯ Part One: Slipping ( Chapter 2 )

Part One: Slipping.

Summary: I want to hold on, but you're slipping and I'm about to lose you. Duo fears he's loosing Heero. 1X2

 

Slipping

 

It was probably an amazingly bad sign- or a warning of impending heartbreak- that I could see the problem nearly a year before it actually happened. But I still clung to the hope that we'd be okay. Doesn't that just make me the most pathetic bastard this side of L2?

I should have listened to that damn annoying voice in the back of my head, whispering those warnings and pointing out the clues but even Heero, of all people, knew how sucky I was at following orders and just how damned stubborn I could be. Besides, since I knew about the problem it wouldn't happen right? No self-fulfilling prophecies or anything like that- Murphy's Law is God's word where I'm from, so if I expected it to happen, the exact opposite should, right?

Turns out Murphy's just a twisted bastard who needs a better hobby than fucking with my life.

It's almost a general consensus that the five of us- the Gundam pilots, obviously- were more than a bit screw up. Personally, I had my share of neuroses- and probably the share of a few other peoples- by the time I was twelve. That's not even counting the war.

So it doesn't really come to a surprise to anyone who knows me that I'd find my first real relationship in the middle of a fucking war zone.

Isn't it strange to think that Heero was a head of me in this field? He had the whole `teenage male' thing down pat- there was supposed to be no love, or like or even general companionship between the two of us. Just barely contained lust and sex. A lot of sex.

…….well, at least I had something right.

So you can imagine my surprise when, just about eight months into our little affair, Heero accidentally told me he loved me. Of course, he never ever knew he'd said it, what with being asleep and all, but I had taken the time to try and learn some Japanese and the words `Duo suki desu' are not that hard to figure out.

Had Heero just asked, I wouldn't have tried to hide my own feelings for him. God, who couldn't love that man? He's just so……good. He does everything with the best intentions, has a selfless nature that can give Relena's a run for her money and a burning need to protect anyone who can't protect themselves.

Wasn't it just all kinds of ironic that the very things I love about him would end up tearing us apart?

We were so fucking tragical- the ever-fighting soldier and the gung-oh idiot who loved him, destined to always fight for peace and freedom. Just like a damn fairy tale.

Only life isn't a storybook and I knew we'd never get our chance at happily-ever-after the moment he threw himself at that burning chunk of Libra headed for Earth. I didn't have to wonder if I'd crossed his mind- he was considerate like that- but it fucking hurt to know that I was thrown aside anyway.

I knew when he'd self-destructed in Siberia that he would be willing to sacrifice anything for peace- even himself. I didn't know until the end of the war that he'd be willing to sacrifice us as well.

Even armed with that insight, I still hung onto him, to us, like a damn leech. We had peace now, everything would be better and brighter and that dark cloud of doom would disappear for the bright, warmth of the sun.

How stupid can you get ne?

Heero has no idea how hard it has been to just sit back and watch him loose himself into keeping the peace. We live together, shop, sleep and hang out with only each other but I can feel it already- he's pushing his way towards that dark cloud all by himself and dragging me along for the ride, connected by a red rope that's getting awfully frayed.

And I'll drag my feet, complain and beg him to turn around the whole way but each step he takes forward is another one away from me and my hands can't hold on much longer.

I can't help but wonder if, even after he's reached the darkness, I will still be dragged down? Or will I finally cut the rope and hope the recoil doesn't kill me.

But this is killing me. It's killing us…..and I can't stop it.

God, I want to hold on, Heero…..but you're slipping and I'm about to lose you……