Gundam Wing Fan Fiction ❯ Your Typical Gundam Wing Fanfic ❯ Your Typical Gundam Wing Fanfic ( Chapter 1 )

[ T - Teen: Not suitable for readers under 13 ]

>Most of today's fanfic Gundam Wing authors are talented,
respectable individuals. Not many people could write the same story
100,000,000 times and still keep a fan base. That, my friend, is
TALENT! And the streotypes.... gotta give 'em credit! They make fanfic
writing SO much easier! Who NEEDS sophistication when you got kinky sex
and cheap angst?
No one could find more names for the guy's penis!
And, all you have learned to share early on.
Especially when it comes to plotlines.
All for one, one for all!
Bravo, my friends. Bravo.
So, my identical friends, this fanfic is for YOU! And YOU! And, yes,
YOU!
I took every stereotype and plotline in the book, and blended them
together into one icky smoothie! Enjoy! I got matching straws for all
of you!<






============================
And the world spins by
With everybody moaning
Pissing, bitching
And everyone is shitting
On their friends
On their love
On their oathes
On their honor
On their graves
Out their mouths
And their words say nothing

-Shut Your Mouth
by Garbage
============================
YOUR AVERAGE GUNDAM WING FANFIC
by Roxanne de Winter
It was just another wonderfully normal day in some place in the
world where our cute Gundam boys Heero and Duo currently reside.
Trowa and Quatre were on a mission in who knows where doing who knows
what....
And Wufei.... he was on a solo mission near a certain OZ general's
estate, doing God knows what!
This leaves our two cute bishoen (whatever that means) Heero and Duo to
do whatever we love them for doing! Heero's gundam was killing a ton of
soldiers robotically.... and Duo was cackling like a maniac while
slowly killing his share soldiers. Both pilots weren't really sad....
all soldiers looked alike, and they regenerated somewhere anyway.
As our two cute heroes walked back to the dorm rooms, covered in blood,
no one really cared because boys will be boys! Heero, as usual, set his
own leg in public, and Duo did much of nothing. Once they arrived at their
dorm room, which they shared.... and which happened to be very small, Heero
instantly resideded to his laptop, and Duo resideded to.... uh,
watching.
But Duo gets very bored.
"Heero, you are such a boring stiff!" complains the braided boy.
Unbeknownst to Duo, Heero is actually madly in lust with him. But,
Heero is just to lazy to tell him. OK, let's change 'lazy' to 'shy'.
"I'll go take a shower!" declares Duo.
So Duo takes off his clothes, not knowing Heero is watching him.
"Oh, gee, I wish I could have mind-blowing sex with him," thinks Heero,
longingly.
As Duo enters the itsy bitsy shower, Heero nearly breaks his neck
trying to see him naked.... Heero needs that valuable information for
his sexual fantasies, for he just doesn't know how a boy is physically
built. And knowing your comrad's penis size might come in handy
someday. So, after washing his hair for two hours, Duo emerges from the
shower, clothed in nothing but the dorm room's itsy bitsie towel.
What follows is a hot sex scene.
Followed by another hot sex scene.
After some time, Duo suggested he and Heero practice sadist torture....
but but they didn't have enough cash in their dough in their puny schoolboy
budget for sadist toys!
And Gundamian chains could get pretty expensive!
Anyway, so, one day, Duo is very depressed.
OK, he was actually depressed for months, but Heero didn't notice
because he was only thinking about the birds and bees! But, as Heero
was about to engage in his favorite three-letter activity, he notices
Duo is depressed. Well, might as well get this over with....
"What is the matter, Duo-sama?"
Heero, being insensitive as he was, really, truly, honestly had no clue
why Duo would be sad.
"I want a loving relationship!"
Heero blinks,"Is that all?"
Duo shakes his head,"No.... actually I made a list for you to read! I
have so much angst it's hard to remember it all!"
Sobbing, Duo hands Heero a list about ten feet long.
A day and half an hour later, Heero finished reading the list, and now
also felt very depressed. So both depressed boys sat down at the
kitchen table and whined about their horrible lives, and horrible
childhoods, and just everything that is sad and angsty.
"My dog died when I was two...."
"I never got to eat candy until I was ten...."
"I am allergic to chocolate...."
"My gundam won't self-detonate."
"I found out one of my feet is bigger than the other."
"I found out I am only 99.9% Japanese."
"I can't speak any African language."
"I grew out of the jeans I wore since I was five."
This went on for a total of eighty-two hours, fifty-five minutes,
twenty-two seconds, and eight milliseconds.
Meanwhile, Dr.J and Dr.G were very bored. All the other creepy docters
had found an OZ base for their pilots to

a. sabotage
b. blow up
c. sleep with a hot OZ general in

Only Dr.J and Dr.G's pilots remained.
"OK, let's see, OZ base So-and-so is already reserved, and so is OZ
base What's-its-name, so we'll take OZ base What-chya-ma-call-it."
Dr.J nodded, and enthusiastically clapped his hands,"We'll see OZ bases
blown up! We'll see OZ bases blow up!" Then they both danced around in
circles.
"La la la! More flames and gory stuff!"
"La la la! More big-ass Gundam use!"
Meanwhile, back at the safehouse, the gundam pilots became bored with
whining about their miseries, and decided sex would be a lot more fun.
"Ugh, I'm tired." moaned Heero.
Duo yawned,"Ugh, me too."
"What are we tired of? We never tire during missions...."
"I don't know, yaoi fangirls just think it's erotic if we're tired
after sex. Besides, this wastes more time of our worthless lives."
Suddenly, the telephone rings.
Heero wearily picks it up,"Say something or shut up...."
"Ooops, wrong number."
As Heero's about to put the telephone down, Duo's cellphone rings.
Duo answers it,"Wha?"
"Dr.G here," came the voice from the other line,"Um, you have to blow
up an OZ base."
"Why?" asks Duo.
"Because, um, er, well.... they're the bad guys!!!!"
Duo's tone becomes serious,"I understand. Thank you."
Turning off the phone, Duo turned to Heero,"We must attack OZ! Dr.G
found out they're the bad guys!"
Heero sat up,"WHAT? That... that can't be.... how...."
"No one knows how it happened.... but we must go.... now!"
Meanwhile, at the OZ base What-chya-ma-call-it, Treize Khushranada, our
favorite OZ baddie, was lying in bed next to a certain raven-haired
pilot.
Yawning, the evil dictator stood up and started changing into his
regualar clothes.
"Where are you going?"
"To commit evil sins and be a bastard. The usual."
"Oh, why now? I'm not done with my 'innocent, dazerd, lusty, and very
confused' act."
"Can't you do that another time? It's really making me look like a
jerk."
"You ARE a jerk. I'm young and very innocent. And sex scares me."
Treize raised his very elegant and super sly and seductive eyebrow,
"Then WHY are you suggesting we do it every second day?"
"I'm a lusty teenager with an over-active liabo, who's very confused."
"And I'm an evil Ozzie dictator who is into bondage and kinky sex. But
I, too, have FEELINGS....and I, too, can't be your sex machine."
Suddenly, Wufei started crying,"Why do you keep playing mind games with
me? How dare you confuse a poor, innocent child like myself?!!!"
There was a long silence.
"You forgot to say 'injustice'."
Suddenly, Wufei got a nosebleed.
"Darn, that came too late...." muttered the Shenlong pilot.
"Not over the bedsheets! Those are my mom's! And you have no idea how
EXPENSIVE dry cleaning can be."
"Then why don't you install a washing machine in your house?"
"It doesn't match my furniture.... I'm not only a bastard, but I'm a
STYLE-CONSCIOUS bastard." saying this, Treize looked at his watch,
"Oooh, gotta go! I'm late for seducing one of your teamates! What's his
name again?"
"Duo, I think. Uh, bye, I have to get drunk and depressed now."
"Right! CHOW!" saying this, Treize ran at warp speed out of the room.
Meanwhile, our cute, good-looking, very angsty and super-sexy hero, Duo
Maxwell, was shooting a ton of Ozzies while running through a long
steel hallway. Dodging some darts, monkeys throwing barrels, as well as
several guillotines, explosives, yaoi fangirls, and knife-throwing
death traps, Duo grabbed an idol sitting on a podest, and narrowly
dodged the large stone rolling towards him by ducking into a doorway.
Suddenly, he saw.... WUFEI?!
"Red leather, black leather, metal bondage, steel bondage, oooooh,
silk-laced gundamian bondage.... whips, chains.... hm, where DID I put
that Batman suit?" Wufei looked thoughtful, not sensing the braided
baka's presence (Duo isn't REALLY a baka.... we just call him that).
"Oh, hi Wu! I didn't know you were into bondage and sexual role
playing!"
Wufei spun around,"Er, I'm not! I'm.... I'm too sweet and innocent for
that stuff! It's all Treize's, I swear!!!!"
Duo's eyes grew wide,"Treize?"
Wufei blushed,"Hehe.... uh, yah...."
Just then, Heero entered the room,"What?"
"WUFEI HAS A BOYFRIEND!!!!" shouted Duo.
Heero's eyes sparkled,"Like.... oh my God...."
"Wufei and Treize sitting in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G!"
"First comes love...." added Duo.
Heero smirked,"Then comes marriage...."
"And we don't we don't wanna see what's in the baby carriage!" they
both finished.
"That's not all! That's not all! Treize can play basketball!" shouted
Heero.
Dancing around a blushing Wufei, Heero and Duo chanted 'Wufei has a
crush! Wufei has a crush!'.
"I do not!" protested the raven-haired Shenlong pilot,"Stop it!"
Sighing, they all fell onto an OZ soldier bed.
"Oh, Wufei, that is so romantic...." said Duo, dreamily.
"Did you kiss yet?" asked Heero.
Wufei shook his head,"No.... but we did everything else!"
"Awwww," both Heero and Duo said at the same time.
"How big was his you-know-what?" asked Duo, smiling dreamily.
"Oh, I once measured it...."
"How kinky.... yet, so very romantic...." stated Heero.
Unbeknownst to our heroes, they were being watched.
"Dorothy.... get me some more cheetos...."
"Sorry, Miss Relena, you ate all of them."
"How about some cookies?"
"Sorry, Miss Relena, you ate all of them."
"Devil squares?"
"Sorry, Miss Relena, I ate all of them."
"Dorothy, you are the worst secretary I ever hired!"
"I'm not your secretary, Miss Relena."
Oh no! It is The Queen of the World, Relena Peacecraft.... who had
nothing better to do that to stalk our beloved G-boys! Sure, she had to
run worldly affairs.... but even Relena Peacrfaft needed a sex life.
The world could wait.... hot Gundam boy arse couldn't! And who could
blame her?go nuts too if you were surrounded by ugly old men all
day long.
"What do you think, Dorothy? Threesome or two-some?"
Dorothy thought a while,"I like four-some."
Relena looked annoyed,"You're not included, Dorothy."
"Oh, come on, Miss Relena! I brought the bondage, whips, chains, AND
food!"
"OK, one for one. But I get Heero."
Meanwhile, our favorite sexy bad guy, Treize, was looking for the G-boy
he was supposed to seduce.
"Now, where is that room? This stupid mansion.... it's so BIG! I think
I'm lost again.... what WERE those producers THINKING when they made me
live in such a dumb house? You eat in the kitchen, and by the time
you're in the bedroom, you're hungry again!"
After passing several cacti and skeletons, Treize gave up.
"I'll just sit here and wait till someone finds me."
Meanwhile, Duo "the baka" Maxwell left the comfort and safety of the
mansion room to get a soda. Heero's orders. Heero said it would be too
dangerous, but Duo assured him he could find his way around the house.
Or so he thought.
But, now after struggling free from several yaoi fangirls in disguise
of OZ soldiers, he was severely injured.... and hot.
No, not sexually.... but, those stupid giagantic windows Treize had
installed in his God-forsaken house were letting in high amounts of
artificial sunlight (courtesy of the stupid colonies) and were baking
Duo like a Kentucky fried chicken.... which sounds kind-of yummy, but
that's not the point.
"Must..... have.... water...." Duo gasped, as he crawled like a baby on
Treize's hot hardwood floor.
The only thing that kept the really sexy, beautuiful, braided, violet-
eyed pale-skinned Deathscythe pilot's hopes up was seeing Heero again.
Sounds romantic, doesn't it?
Well, the real truth he wanted to see Heero was because he wanted to
break the world record of 'Most Over-Sexed Couple'. That's right! Duo
actually COUNTED the all the times he and Heero played bump-bump! And
it all came down to....
"999,999,999,999,999.... just one more fling to.... (gasp) go...."
Now, as Duo was crawling around the floor, Treize happened to be
sitting on a rock in the hallway, quietly cursing that his stupid
butler was also lost.... as well as Lady Une, Zechs, half the visiting
OZ leaders, and a fair amount of the OZ army, with maybe a mobile suit
or two. When Treize saw our beloveth violet-eyed hero, he was nearly
insane with joy.
"FINALLY! Some company! I thought I'd rot to death here! I haven't read
my will to anyone yet!"
Duo nearly fainted when he heard Treize's voice.
Not out of exaustion.... it was just that Treize was so very boring!
Meanwhile, our hero, Heero, and a certain raven-haired pilot, were in
the shower.... together. And we can all guess what they were doing....
.... drinking tea, playing cards, and chatting about the wheather, of
course!
"I say the wheather is sunny.... and pass me the soap...."
"No, it's definately cloudy with a bit of sunshine.... pass me some
shampoo...."
Well, don't look at ME like that! After sitting for days in a row in
your gundam, wearing the same ratty old clothes day after day, you
really start to smell!
"Hand me another biscuit, old chap...."
"Go fish."
Meanwhile, our favorite evil stalkers, Relena and Dorothy, were....
eating! Yes, eating. Well, stalking cute G-boys DOES get a little dull
at times....
"Miss Relena, I thought we were going to stalk Heero.... why are we
stopping here to eat?"
"Well, I talk so much at political meetings, I barely have time to
eat!!!!" replied Relena, stuffing ten Little Debbie cookies and a
chicken drumstick into her mouth.
Meanwhile, Duo was nearly dead.... of boredom!
Who knew Treize could talk SO much?
"....and so, I want to leave my collection of toenail clippings to Duke
Dermail...."
Then, Duo passed out.
But Treize didn't notice!!!!
"....and my rose-scented rubber ducky will be for Lady Une...."
Meanwhile, Heero was getting worried....
ten minutes had passed, and he STILL hadn't had sex with Duo!!!!
Wufei was snacking on some viagra he'd found in one of Treize's bedroom
drawers, insisting it tasted like candy.
"Yummy! This one tastes like.... cherry! Yay! I guessed the mystery
flavor! Oooh, and this one tastes like.... strawberry!!!! Yummy!"
"Can I have some, Wufei?" asked Heero.
"Only the ones that tastes like orange. I don't like orange. Ooooo!
This one tastes like sour apple! Four more sour apples, and I'm having
an orgasm! Yipee!!!!"
Suddenly, Zechs came in through the window, dressed in a cat-woman
suit.
"Oh, hi Zechs!!!!" said Wufei, happily,"Want some viagra? It's yummy!"
"I thought sex and anything to do with it gave you nosebleeds...."
stated Zechs.
Suddenly Wufei got a nosebleed,"Whoops, I forgot. Oooh! Another sour
apple!"
Heero eyed the white-haired baboon who was supposedly related to
Relena,"What are you doing here?"
"I'm supposed to seduce Duo Maxwell."
Wufei giggled,"Wrong! Treize is doing that already! Oooh, another sour
apple!"
Zech's eyes narrowed,"That bastard.... if he steals Duo, I won't get
the chance to steal a few sex scenes!" before Heero or Wufei could say
anything, Zechs had sped out of the room.
"Oooooooh!!!! One more sour apple to go!"
Meanwhile, Relena, after digesting two doses of tums, was on her way
with Dorothy, looking for hot Gundam boy arse.
"We're gonna have a four-some! We're gonna have four-some!"
"Stop singing, Dorothy."
"A four-some a four-some!"
"Don't make me duct-tape your mouth...."
"A four-some! A foursome! A foursome with duct-tape!"
Just then, the pair heard a mysterious sound.
"Shhhh, I think I hear something," whispered Relena.
Dorothy nodded,"Yes, we must approach very, very quietly...."
Pearing through a giagantic housplant, Relena and Dorothy saw....
Omigod! Quatre and Trowa doing something mammels do on the Discovery
Channel.... grazing!
"Notice how our prey doesn't detect our presence...."
"I'll shoot a tranquilizer dart at the blonde one so we can get a
closer look how these fascinating creatures are built...."
Holding up a dart gun, Dorothy aimed it directly at Quatre.
"Steady, steady now...."
And the dart was shot.
Trowa blinked,"Quatre? Quatre?"
"I think the brown-haired one senses something is wrong...." stated
Relena.
"QUATRE?!" Trowa shook his best friend,"NOOOOOOOO!!!!"
Dorothy eyed Relena and said,"I do believe he is very upset,"
Relena put down her binoculars and nodded,"Fascinating. I must write
this in my journal...."
Trowa sniffed the air and his eye narrowed, locking in on Relena and
Dorothy.
"He's spotted us," whispered Dorothy,"RUN!!!!"
Meanwhile, Heero decided it was about time to go looking for Duo.... as
well as a soda. Wufei decided to join him, because, well, Wufei was
tired of having orgasms.
That, and he felt really sick and needed to use the bathroom.
"Man, it sure is hot here," stated Heero.
"It's getting hot in here, so hot," sang Wufei, bouncing along
happily,"I wanna take my clothes off!"
"Wufei, I thought you said you were afraid of so much as the mere
mention of the 's' word."
"Hey, cut me some slack! I have TWO stereotypes to fill! I have to be
the sweet, naive baby, AND the slut!!!! I'm just keeping it balanced!"
Meanwhile, Zechs had found Duo.... but, was nearly dead of exaustion
from hearing Treize talk.
"Zechie! Are you even paying attention?" asked Treize.
No reply.
"Zechs? ZECHS!!!! I order you to wake up and listen to me!!!! Zechs?"
Again, no reply.
Treize sighed,"People today. No respect."
Just then, Relena and Dorothy ran by, tailed by a furious Trowa.
Treize's head perked up,"HEY!!!! WAIT FOR ME!!!!"
wasting no second, Treize was on his feet and running after them.
Meanwhile, Wufei and Heero were still walking through Treize's house.
"Go on without me, Heero...." gasped Wufei.
Heero's eyes grew watery,"I'm never leaving you, Wufei, NEVER!"
"No.... please, go," Wufei gasped,"go without me...."
"I'm not leaving you here! You understand?"
Wufei coughed,"Finally, I got my voice back! This whole plot is making
me choke.... now, where were we?"
"You're asking me to leave you here...." Heero rubbed his eyes,"And the
carpet fibers here are making my eyes watery...."
"Stupid allergy seasons."
Now, a word from our sponser....
Heero and Wufei turn to the audience,"We should've packed.... ta-da!
Allegra, for all you allergy reaction needs!!!!"
And.... now back to the fanfic!
"Leave me here, Heero.... just go on without me!"
"Never! We're teamates!"
"Yeah, yeah, but it'll take all the romance away if I'm with you while
you're rescuing Duo...."
"Well, you have a point...."
"That, and, I won't die anyway! I'm to sweet and innocent! Most likely,
I'll go unconscious, and Treize or some other person will come to my
rescue!"
Heero nodded,"Hey, yeah, you're right, Wufei!"
Wufei smiled,"Always am! I'll just wait RIGHT here!"
Heero smiled back,"OK, bye Wufei! Have fun! I'll see you in, uh, a few
days!"
"Safe trip!"
"Good day!"
"Tally-hoe!"
Meanwhile, Relena, Dorothy, and Trowa were all dying of boredom from
Treize's constant blabbering.
"What is up with everyone today?!" shouted Treize, exasperatedly.
"Sorry," gasped Dorothy,"Miss Relena.... for losing the ductape...."
Meanwhile....
"I can't do this, Zechs.... I can't have sex with you."
"Why not?"
"Well, it just wouldn't be right...."
"Oh, you're in love with Heero, right?"
"No. It'd make me lose the record I'm trying to break of 'Most Over-
Sexed Couple'. You understand, don't you?"
Zechs nodded,"Yes. It is a rightous, honorable cause."
Meanwhile, Treize decided to leave everyone, and just walk on. The
fanfic author actually made him do it, because Wufei can't be alone,
now can he? Besides, we need a few more sex scenes, don't we?
"Stupid big windows...." muttered Treize,"They let all the cold air
in!"
"TREIZE????"
Treize's head perked up,"WUFEI????"
"TREIZE????"
"WUFEI????"
"TREIZE????"
"WUFEI ????"
"TREIZE????"
"WUFEI????"
"TREIZE????"
"WUFEI????"
"TREIZE?!"
"WUFEI?!"
Black eyes met blue eyes in a lustfully romantic fashion.
"I can't believe it's really you! I haven't seen you for more than ten
minutes!"
"Oh, Treize, I missed you!"
"Yeah, me too, Dragon!"
Then, in a wonderfully romantic fashion, Treize and Wufei ran into each
other's arms.
There was a long romantic silence as Wufei and Treize tried to get
their breath back from the bone-crunching hug they gave each other.
Well, Treize DOES look like he works out a lot....
"Why're you calling me Dragon?" asked Wufei, as soon as the raven-
haired hottie got his voice back.
"I decided to give you a cute nickname!" replied Treize, happily.
Wufei blinked,"Oh, you mean we advanced in our relationship and can
now give each other nicknames?!"
Treize shrugged,"I guess, uh----"
"Oooh! I've always wanted to do this! I'll call you....Jebediah! Yeah!
I've always loved that name!!!! Jebediah.... mmmm, I like it!"
Meanwhile, Heero found Duo, in a dark, gloomy prison cell..... naked
and supposedly unconscious.
Heero's eyes narrowed,"Duo...."
Just then, the braided Shinigami (Which means "God of Death", you
duh-head!) opened his eyes,"Oh.... HI HEERO!"
Heero blinked,"Duo, you OK?! Wha---- what happened?"
"Well, I got bored, so Zechs and I played with some bondage we found!"
"What're you doing in this prison cell?"
"It's not a prison cell.... this room belongs to Treize's
mother-in-law[1]. We were using it to get into the right atmosphere."
"You had SEX?! Duo.... how COULD you?! You promised we'd be the most
over-sexed GW couple!"
Duo shook his head,"You baka! We didn't have SEX.... we had everything
else.... but not the bare act itself!"
"So, you mean you only had sexual pleasure, but not the real act?"
Duo nodded,"Yup, that's pretty much it."
"Oh, Duo, you make so proud! I knew I could count on you!"
"That's what I'm good for! Besides playmate!"
"Let's have sex, Duo!"
"OK, Heero! Sounds fun!"
"This'll be the 100,000,000,000,000th time I'll have lost my
virginity![2]"
"And it'll be the 100,000,000,000,000th time I'll have taken yours!"
"Yipee!"
While our heroes shag (to make up for the lack of storyline), we go
back to Relena, Dorothy, Trowa.... and Quatre, who somehow recovered
from the tranquilizer dart, and followed Relena, Dorothy, and Trowa's
scent to locate them.
The four people were planning to have a four-some, which was easier
said than done.
"Bondage?" suggested Dorothy.
Trowa shook his head,"No bondage."
Quatre looked thoughtful,"Whipped creme?"
Dorothy looked disgusted,"No way! Uh-uh!"
"I like whipped creme!" protested Relena,"It's yummy!"
"How about we do it in the shower?" suggested Trowa.
"Sorry, I'm allergic to Treize's soap."
Dorothy eyed Quatre,"And how would you know that?"
Quatre smirked,"I just know."
"We can take away the soap...." Trowa thought a while,"but I guess the
shower's too small to fit all of us, huh?"
"Hm, well let's see, three and half square feet divided by four
people.... nope, not enough room...."
Meanwhile, Heero and Duo stopped, for the time being, to have sex, and
sought out to find the others.
After some time, they found all the other guys, including Dorothy,
Quatre, Relena, and Trowa, who were so tired after planning their
foursome, they decided they'd do it some other time.
Now, they decided to play truth or dare with all the other guys.
Why 'Truth or Dare'? Because the author is too childish to think about
anything else, and nothing kills time like hearing the Gundam Wing
hotties tell their secrets and do crazy shit!
"Treize, truth or dare?" asked Dorothy.
"Dare."
"Ok, uh.... sing a song by a band you like...."
"A song? Oh, goodie, I always wanted to do this...."
The music to 'Enjoy the Silence' by Depeche Mode began to play, and
Treize stood up in a dramatic fashion.
"Words like violence," started Treize, doing a perfect Depeche Mode
imitation,"Break the silence....Come crashin in, Into my little
world...."
Suddenly, everyone started clapping.
"Good job, Treize...." said Dorothy happily.
Treize blinked,"But.... but I wasn't even done yet!"
"Doesn't matter! If we hear that song one more time, we'll go crazy!"
"But.... but I like that song...."
"Well, too bad, time's up...."
"That's not fair!"
"Sorry, Treize, the fans want to read jucier stuff...."
"But isn't it juicy that I have singing talent?!!!!"
"Uh, let me think.... no."
Treize sighed and sat down,"Injustice."
Suddenly, Wufei slapped the evil dictator on the back of the head,
"Jebediah, you baka! You stole my signature line!"
"Hey, Duo, truth or dare....?" asked Relena, eagerly.
Duo grinned,"Truth!"
"OK, um, tell a deep, dark, juicy secret about yourself!"
Duo's face turned grave,"I am actually a demon from another demension
who brings death and suffering to all."
Dorothy snorted,"WOW, what else is new?"
Duo blinked,"I can stuff my entire fist in my mouth."
Everyone looked shocked.
"God, Duo, that's SICK!" exclaimed Relena.
Quatre nodded,"I would've NEVER guessed!"
Zechs nodded, and added,"Yeah, Duo, that is, like, sooo "Ripley's
Believe It Or Not" perverted!!"
Suddenly, there was sentimental music playing in the backround, as
Heero's eyes met Duo's.
"I don't think it's sick.... and either way, Duo, you'll be my sextoy
no matter what." said the cobalt-eyed, suicidal wacko.
Duo sniffed,"Now I know why I'm in lust with you, Heero...."
The romantic moment came to an end with Dorothy saying,"Can we continue
the game now?"
"Hey, Trowa, truth or dare?" asked Wufei.
"Dare."
"I dare you to jump out of a window."
Trowa didn't bat an eyelash as he jumped out of Treize's fourth-story
window, did a flip in the air, and landed perfectly on the grassy
ground beneath.
Heero looked annoyed,"Couldn't you have thought of a more IMAGINATIVE
dare? Everyone knows Trowa can do all kinds of things that aren't
humanly possible."
"Hey, um, Quatre.... truth or dare?" asked Treize.
"Truth."
Heero pouted,"Damn. No one picks 'dare' anymore,"
"OK, Quatre, what kind of sex do you and Trowa have?"
Quatre looked shocked,"I beg your pardon?"
"What kind of sex do you and Trowa have?" repeated Relena,"Give us a
graphic sex scene, for all the hentais out there."
Quatre coughed,"I'm not gay."
Everyone looked disgusted.
"Ewww, you mean you're...."
"Hetrosexual?"
"That's so GROSS.... how do you have sex with a----"
"....G-G-irl...."
"WE never would've guessed it was YOU, Quatre...."
"You're a FREAK!"
Quatre blushed,"Yeah, I tried to change...."
"Being hetrosexual is totally UNNATURAL, Quatre!"
"Unnatural in your average Gundam Wing fanfic!"
"Here, the entire planet is gay!"
"You're a total freak!"
"You're worse than Duo!"
Now, we could listen to this for hours, and just one thought would
loiter in our mind.... where the **** are the other Gundam gals?
Where's Lady Une, Cathrine, Ms.Noim, and Hilde????
Let's take a look, shall we?
Oh, here they are! A cozy little cafe!
"Lady Une, aren't you supposed to guard Treize?" asked Hilde, sipping
some iced tea.
Lady Une nodded,"Yeah, I should.... I really don't want him getting
hair all over my nice new couch. but I'm not worried, I tied him up and
locked him in his bedroom."
"You know, Treize is awfully intelligent, he might've found a way out."
"Treize? Naw. He can't even use a can opener...."
"Yeah, but even if he DID get out, what's the worst he can do?"
"Yeah, it's not like he'll have a sex party or something like
that...."
There you have it! This is where the other gundam gals were all this
while!
Now, back to our story!
"Quatre isn't gay!"
"Gross!"
"OK, this has been going on for two hours.... let's do something else."
"How about sex?"
Duo snorted,"Been there, done that."
As everyone sat, thinking what else they could do, a gundam crashed
through the roof, and squashed Duo.
Heero blinked,"NOOOOOOO!!!! MY SEXTOY!!!!"
Treize shook his head,"Duo. We hardly knew ye."
For a while, everyone was silent.
"All this mourning is making me hungry!" stated Relena,"Let's eat. "
Everyone cast Relena an angry look.
"Why you...." Heero growled,"Duo was my sextoy! Now I need to find a
new one!"
Zechs wiped tears away from his eyes,"That's so sad! Have a heart,
Relena!"
Just then, Duo walked in, eating a lollipop,"Oh, hi Heero!"
Relena drooled at the site of the lollipop.
Heero's eyes lit up at the site of his violet-eyed sextoy,"Duo! You're
alive!"
"Well, DUH! That was my STUNT DOUBLE! I have a billion of 'em! That's
how I die in so many deathfics!"
Well, well, well. This fanfic is getting WAY too long! How in the world
do we end it? With a hug, of course.
Without warning, all GW characters hugged Duo, because EVERYONE likes
DUO!!!!
"Oh Duo, I love you so very much!"
"Move aside! I, too, wish to deliver some bone-crunching pain!"
"Don't hug ME, Wufei, hug DUO...."
"This reminds what a beautiful world there is out there!"
"Trowa, you're depressed and suicidal, remember?"
"Oh yeah!"
"Get your hand OFF my BUTT!"
As the wonderful hug ended, everyone stared at the other lovingly.
"I think I want to make world peace and end this war," said Treize
thoughtfully.
Suddenly, Wufei slapped him.
"Don't EVER say that!" exclaimed the hot-headed Chinese boy,"It takes
all the excitment out of having an affair with the enemy!"
Treize shrugged,"Sorry, I guess that just slipped out."
Now, the final thing to end our fanfic with....
Duo eyed Trowa, I mean, HEERO, with sparkling violet eyes.
"I lust you." he said, ever so romantically.
And then they kissed in a Gone-With-the-Wind-ish style.
Zechs blushed and covered his eyes,"Ooh-hoo-hoo, this is so
romantic...."
Dorothy eyed Relena,"Why don't YOU ever do that to ME?"
Wufei coughed,"God, this is sappy--- I mean, EEK! This is giving me a
nosebleed!"
And then, some cute Disney characters began dancing around in circles
singing some happy song.
In fact, it was so happy, everyone died, and there was finally peace on
earth.
And the citizens of the colonies and on earth all lived happily ever
after.


<<<THE FREAKING END>>>



==================================== =========


[1] Note the inconsistency: Treize HAS no mother in law!
Or, at least, that's what I think.

[2] Got that joke from Third Rock From the Sun, one
of the GREATEST comedy shows of our time!