Haibane Renmei Fan Fiction / Neon Genesis Evangelion Fan Fiction ❯ Rei-Bane ❯ Chapter 5: 00 / Pariah / Visitations ( Chapter 5 )

Disclaimer: See Chapter 1

Chapter Version 1.2

Do not post this to the Internet without my written permission. 

Please give me feedback!

"Man, would you just look at it outside!" Kana exclaimed one morning in the guest room after breakfast.  "We haven’t had a blizzard like this in ages."

"You can barely see across to the East Tower," Rakka observed, standing beside her at the window.  "And I thought that winter was almost over."

"No way we can go to work today," concluded Hikari disappointedly.  "And I was looking forward to bringing home some fresh bread and goodies, too."

"I don’t think much of anything will be happening in town today," said Kana.

"I’m just glad we don’t have to go out in it," added Nemu as she took a sip of tea.

"Yeah," agreed Kana.  "It’s great now to have the basement service tunnels between the buildings cleared out so that we don’t have to run between them in bad weather… It was amazing how much junk was down there."

"No, what was amazing was that Rei cleaned it out all by herself!" said Rakka.

"Um-hmm.  That was great, Rei!" agreed Kana.

All eyes turned to the blue haired Haibane when she made no reply.  Although she was an unusually reticent person, the others had all learned that Rei always paid close attention to what was being said around her, and so her current silence was curious.

Rei just continued to sit at the table looking down at her barely touched breakfast.

"Are you okay, Rei?" asked Rakka.

Rei’s gaze came up as if she had been startled.  "I apologize," she said.  "I was lost in thought."

"Is something the matter?" Nemu asked.

"I…  It is nothing."

"Come on, Rei," Kana chided.  "You can tell us if there’s something bothering you."

"I just had my cocoon dream last night.  Nothing more."

"Oh," Kana replied.  She and the others then wisely let the subject drop.  They all knew how much Rei’s dream disturbed her.

A short time later, Rei, Nemu and Hikari headed back to the East Tower together.

"I had meant to ask you," Rei said to Nemu as they went down the stairs into the basement of the West Wing, "Why the Haibane living here never cleared the service tunnels before now."

"I guess that no one thought that it was worth the trouble.  Since I’ve been here the basements have been storage places."

"But clearing the passages was not that difficult or time consuming."

"That’s true," admitted Nemu.  "But I’m not sure that we had any girls living at Old Home before now who could’ve gotten the lights down here in the tunnels working again.  And Kana and you certainly had to put a lot of time and effort into fixing them."

Rei nodded her head in agreement.  It had taken nearly two months of their spare time, since they essentially had had to rewire everything themselves.

"Kana told me you did a great job," Hikari said.  "You’re almost as good with that sort of stuff as she is."

"Perhaps it is something I learned about in my previous life."

"Perhaps so," agreed Nemu.

"But now that we’ve got these tunnels to use I don’t know why we made ourselves suffer in the cold, rain and snow anymore," said Hikari.  "We should’ve done this a long time ago.  I can’t imagine being out in that blizzard right now."

"Neither can I," said Rei.

"You really dislike the cold, don’t you?" asked Nemu.

"It is more that I feel very unused to it.  And whenever we are outside, I always seem ill-prepared for it compared to my sisters."

"So that’s why you decided to clear the tunnels?"

"Yes.  I also thought everyone else here at Old Home would like it."

"Oh and we do!" exclaimed Hikari.

"That is good.  I would not have done it solely for my own benefit."

When they reached the first floor of the East Tower Hikari continued up the stairs to her room and Nemu headed down the hallway to hers.  As she reached the door she glanced back and saw Rei still standing by the stairway looking at her.

"Is there something wrong, Rei?" she asked as she walked back over to the New Feather.

"I…"

Nemu didn’t think she had ever seen Rei so pensive before.  "What’s troubling you?"

"There was something more I wanted to ask you."

"Is it something personal?"

Rei nodded hesitantly.

"What is it?"

"Am I your friend?"

"What?" Nemu responded in surprise.

Rei became downcast.  "I have offended you." She turned and headed for her room.

Nemu hurried after her.  "No, Rei!  Wait!  I wasn’t offended!"  She grasped Rei’s shoulder.  "Of course you’re my friend!"

Rei turned, her face noticeably brighter.  "Thank you, Sister."

"We’re all your friends here."

Rei smiled, something Nemu did not think she had ever seen her do before.  "I am glad that my feelings are reciprocated," said Rei.

"Your feelings?  I’ve never heard you say anything about them before now."

"That is because such things seem new to me, just as the cold outside does.  Talking about them or even simply expressing them is… difficult… for me."

"That’s sounds so sad, Rei."

"I suppose it does."

"Your old life must have been very hard."

"But is it not better that I now have feelings or at least now realize that I have them?"

"Yes, very much so."

Rei smiled again.  "It is because of my sisters… my friends.  You have been wonderful examples and guides for me."

Nemu felt a lump in her throat.  "You’ve really come far, little Sister."

She patted Rei’s cheek.  "Now go get ready for work.  I’m sure the Housemother is beginning to wonder where we’ve gotten to."

"N-Nemu…"

"Not ‘Sister’?" Nemu replied mischievously.

Rei blushed a little in embarrassment.  "That would be too formal now.  We… are friends."

Nemu smiled warmly.  "Thank you, Rei."

"There is one thing more I’d like to talk to you about if I might."

"Is it about your dream?"

Rei again nodded.

"I thought as much."

"You are the oldest and most knowledgeable Haibane.  You seemed the natural one to seek out."

"I understand."

"You are also the one I feel the closest to here."

Nemu again felt the lump in her throat.  "So what is troubling you about your dream?" she managed.

"Last night it seemed different from before."

"How so?"

"For the first time I could tell I was wearing something.  It was white and fitted very tightly over my entire body from the neck down.  In the dream, when I realized I was wearing it I looked down and could make out something stenciled on it."

"What was it?"

"00."

"Zero zero?"

Rei became downcast again.  "Even in my cocoon dream I am labeled as nothing."

"Oh, Rei," said Nemu as sympathetically as she could.

Rei looked up at her, fists clenched and angry tears brimming in her eyes.  "I do not want to be nothing anymore!"

Nemu embraced Rei and stroked the back of her head tenderly as the younger girl began to cry gently.  "There, there," she whispered.  "It’s all right.  You’re not nothing."

Rei reached up and felt the wetness on her cheek.  ‘Tears?  I am crying?’

Nemu looked Rei in the eyes.  "You know you’re not nothing to us, right?"

Rei nodded.  "I have known that since I was taken to the Temple for judgment.  But…"

"But what?"

"I still feel empty inside…  And my dream…"

"The dream is not about who you are."

"Then what is it about?"

"We Haibane are all here for a reason.  The dream has something to do with that reason, but the relationship between them is different for each of us."

"Then my dream?"

"You said you feel empty, so it’s not surprising that your dream is a cold empty void."

"So, it is my feelings and the dream which are related?"

"Probably."

"So what must I do?"

"I don’t know.  You have to find your own way.  But, regardless, I think that not wanting to feel empty anymore is a good first step for you."

Rei smiled again.  "Thank you, Sis…  Thank you, Nemu."

In Glie, Ikari looked out the window of the music store and sighed.  Because of the storm it was going to be a very quiet day.

He spent most of his time in the store now.  The couple that owned the shop lived above it and let him use their spare bedroom if he wanted to just stay the night, which, most nights, he did.

He had come to hate spending time with the Haibane at the Factory, and, as far as he could judge, the feeling seemed mostly mutual.  None of them had forgotten his failure to come to Rei’s aid.  Midori, in particular, had instantly gone from being the one who was the most supportive of him to being his primary tormentor.  She rarely let an opportunity to insult or belittle him pass by.  She even openly stated that the only reason she tolerated his presence at all was that, as a male Haibane, the Factory had to be his home.

For the most part he now only went back to the Factory when he had to, mostly to fulfill his duties as a resident, such as cooking and cleaning.

To him it sometimes felt like his life had been completely reversed from what it was before.  He basically now lived at the music shop and only worked at the Factory.

As he watched the swirling snow outside his mind wandered back to that fateful day.

After Kana had left, Midori had turned and gone back to her room without another word, leaving it until after breakfast to berate him for his failure in front of everyone at the Factory.  He had begun to understand the gravity of his situation when no one had spoken to him for days afterwards.

And if that had not been bad enough, that very day the Chief Constable had come to the music store on his way back from Rei’s judgment at the Temple and ordered him to immediately go see the Communicator.

He had run virtually all the way to the Temple hoping that he could do something to make up for his behavior that morning.

He had been sorely disappointed.

The Communicator simply had wanted to give him an order.  "You are not to tell anyone about what you saw your sister do yesterday," the old man had said.  "Is that clear?"

Ikari had shaken the bells on his right wing in response.

"If anyone asks you about the incident you are to say that she merely managed to shove the boy to the ground and he broke his hand when he landed on it.  Is that clear?"

Again he had answered in the affirmative.

"We also know of the Old Home Haibane’s attempt to help Feather Rei this morning."

This news had taken Ikari completely by surprise.

"They went against my express instructions to try to help their sister," the Communicator had continued.  "Though your presence at your sister’s judgment would not have altered the outcome, you disappoint me," he said gravely.

Ikari had hung his head in shame.

The Communicator then had turned and begun to walk away.  "Just as Rei has been forbidden from entering Glie, you are forbidden from visiting her.  That is your punishment from us."

The old man had cast one last look at Irari over his shoulder.  "You are dismissed."

The walk back to town had been a very long and lonely one.

Two days after the blizzard Rakka stepped out of the West Wing to begin her trip to work.  To her surprise she found Rei standing just inside the stone archway of the south gate.

"Were you waiting for me?" Rakka asked her.

"Yes," Rei responded.  "I would like to go to the Temple with you today."

"Sure," said Rakka as she turned Rei’s and her nametags over.  "Let’s go."

They walked together in silence, both of them taking in the beauty of the snow-covered scenery in the bright sunshine.

As they turned off the main road Rakka looked over at Rei and thought about the first two times the New Feather had gone to the Temple.  "Are you nervous about going to see the Communicator?" she asked.

"No," Rei answered with her usual terseness.

Rakka nodded.  "You’re so strong."

Rei glanced at Rakka, a look of curiosity on her face.  "Why do you say that?"

"If I were you I’d probably be scared to death of him…  Heck, I never would have decided to go to the Temple on my own like this in the first place!"

"I do not understand."

"The last time you went up there was to be judged, right?  That had to have been really terrifying!  It’s just that, if I were you, I’d be having a hard time not thinking about that now."

"But I was not frightened then."

"How could you not have been?"

Rei puzzled over this for a moment.  "It just did not occur to me to be frightened."

Rakka shook her head and laughed.  "Only you could say something like that."

"As I have said before, you make it very clear that the Communicator is someone to be trusted and respected.  So why should I have been afraid?"

"Well, I guess I’m just a big scaredy cat then!" Rakka said as she playfully linked arms with Rei and rested her head on her sister’s shoulder.  "You’re amazing."

"I was not the one who deliberately risked being punished just to help me."  Rei smiled and leaned her hat-covered head over onto Rakka’s.  "It is my sisters who are amazing."

When they arrived at the Temple Rakka helped Rei put on her bells and led her inside.

"Where are the Renmei?" Rei asked as they walked into the snow filled garden.

"Probably working on digging out some part of the Temple.  I bet it took them two days just to clear this path."

Soon they arrived at the strangely marked doorway Rei had first gone through when she had been judged.

"This is the entrance to the Temple itself," Rakka said.  "You’ll have to wait outside here while I find the Communicator and let him know you’re here."

"I understand."

Rakka brought her index finger up to her lips.  "Sorry, no more talking either," she said and then disappeared inside.

A surprisingly short time later Rakka reappeared in the doorway and motioned for Rei to follow her. 

Rakka led Rei along a dark corridor and down a long narrow flight of stone stairs to where the passageway opened into a small room lit by candles on the walls.

The two Haibane stood there together for a few minutes until the Communicator entered through the doorway at the far end of the room.

Rei shook the bells on her wrists in greeting.

"Feather Rei, you have something you wish to discuss with me?"

Rei shook the bells on her right wing.

The Communicator turned to Rakka.  "You may leave us."

Rakka bowed slightly.  "Yes, Washi."  She then headed out the far door to set about her work.  As she exited she turned back and gave Rei a ‘thumbs up’ sign.

The Communicator regarded Rei.  "I give you permission to speak.  Why have you come here today?"

"I would like to be given a new name."

"That is a very unusual request.  Why do you wish for such a thing?"

"My name is a reflection of the cold and emptiness of my cocoon dream.  I do not want it."

"And why is that?"

"It… It weighs on me…  The association is… disquieting."

"Your request is denied."

Rei was shocked.  "Why?" she blurted and then, surprised at herself, she slapped a hand over her mouth.

"I need not give you a reason."

"No, you do not… but may I please have one?  I only wish to understand."

"You may think that your name simply stems from the momentary whim of one of your sisters.  That is not the case.  Your name comes from a moment of secret inspiration.  It is an important part of your being a Haibane."

"But my name is hurtful to me."

"Then do what you must to make it not so."

"How can I do that?" Rei asked, her voice nearly cracking.

"Look to what your name really means.  Let that guide you."

"I do not understand."

"That is good.  Understanding cannot help you.  You must only try."

For perhaps the first time ever Rei felt exasperation.  "Try?  Try what?  Try how?  You confuse me."

"I cannot give you your direction.  You must discover that within yourself.  When you were first born I implored you to be a good Haibane, and you have not disappointed me.  Even though you are still just a New Feather, you have already shown great courage and insight.  You are well on your way to finding your path and understanding the true meaning of your name."

Rei could not have been more surprised.  "I am?"

"Yes."

Rei bowed her head.  "Thank you.  Your words give me comfort."

"Remember that your name, like your halo and your wings, is a badge of your honor as a Haibane."

"I will try."

"That is good."

"There is one more request I wish to make."

"What is it?"

"Since there is a route to it that does not take me through Glie, I would like permission to visit the Abandoned Factory."

"Why do you wish to visit the other Nest?"

"I would like to see Brother Ikari."

The Communicator lowered his gaze and tapped his cane on the stone floor three times.  "Your request is somewhat vexing…  By itself it presents no problems, and your exemplary behavior with regards to the restrictions placed upon you shows that you have earned the right to be able to visit there as you wish."

He grew silent for a few moments and then continued, "However, because of his failure to come to your aid, we have forbidden Feather Ikari from seeing you."

"And so I must be forbidden from seeing him as well," Rei finished for him.

"That is correct.  I am sorry, but it is in your best interests."

"How so?"

Ikari is struggling.  Instead of beginning to find his path, he has fallen farther from it.  I do not want him to do the same to you."

"Perhaps I can help him."

"No.  Though your desire is a noble one, we cannot allow it.  He must find his own way."

Rei lowered her eyes sadly.  "I understand and will obey."

"Hopefully his situation will improve soon.  Then I believe it would be alright for you to see each other again.  He has been punished enough."

Rei smiled at this news.  "Thank you."

She again shook the bells on her wrists.

"Go and be continue to be a good Haibane, Feather Rei."

That night, in his room above the music shop Ikari was dreaming once again:

He found himself standing in a shallow pool of the same golden liquid as in his cocoon dream.  A few feet in front of him was…

"Rei?"

The figure did indeed look like Rei, though she did not have wings or a halo.  Aside from her head, her seemingly unclothed body was little more than vague outlines and seemed to glow with a pale milky luminescence.

"Is it really you?"

The girl giggled and then smiled.  He knew immediately that she was not Rei.  Instead of Rei’s small smile this toothy grin seemed to almost drip malevolence and cunning.

"Who are you?"

She chuckled once again.  "How do you like Glie so far, Shinji?"

"Shinji?"

"Of course.  You are Shinji Ikari, the Third Child.  I’m sorry that being in Glie makes you forget things like that."

"Yes… Yes.  I am Shinji Ikari."

"So, I ask again – how do you like your life in Glie?"

"I-It’s awful.  The other Haibane won’t have anything to do with me."

"Oh…  That’s really too, too bad.  But I figured you’d say something like that.  And I went to such trouble to send you there."

"What?  You?"

"Well, you didn’t end up liking the world with that redhead and all your friends, so I thought you might like someplace completely different."

She feigned a pout.  "I’m sorry it’s not working out for you.  And I even sent Rei along to keep you company."

"What are you talking about?"

"Heh.  You still can't remember?  Here, let me help you."

The dream Shinji suddenly gripped the sides of his head as he tried to make sense of all the bizarre images that started to course through it.

"Third Impact," he managed.  "Am I still inside Third Impact after all this time?"

"Oh, time moves very fast in Glie compared to what you’re used to," the girl informed him.  "It has to.  The world of Glie is a very busy place with vast numbers of people passing through it.  You’ve only been there for at most a few of your usual minutes."

"How can that be?"

"So, are you ready to go back, or must we try another new reality on for size?"  She smiled predatorily again.  "Or are you ready to make your choice now?"

"There’s no way I want to go back to that life!"

The girl nodded.  "Understandable, considering the mess you’ve made of it.  It’s a pity, though.  I can’t leave Ayanami there without you and she’s been doing quite nicely for herself."

"She has?"

"Oh, yes, but for some reason she still misses you."

"She does?  Why?"

"I suppose it has to do with her memories not being as deeply submerged as yours are.  That couldn’t be helped what with her being what she is.  She can’t let go of the fact that she knows you somehow from before.  She hopes that you can therefore help her fill the emptiness she feels inside."

"But I’m not allowed to see her!"

The girl sighed theatrically.  "Yes, Soryu was right.  You are a weakling.  And to think Rei handed you such a responsibility."

"A responsibility?  To help her?"

The girl burst out laughing.

"Stop taunting me!" Shinji shouted.  "What do you want from me?"

"Finally, a little backbone…  Maybe I should just send you back.  It might be a good learning experience for you after all."

Shinji glowered at her, his right hand clenching and unclenching unconsciously.  "Just be straight with me."

"You’re beautiful when you’re angry, you know that?"  She chuckled again.  "It’s too bad I can’t let you remember any of this.  Well…  Maybe just a little…"

"Enough of…" Shinji yelled.

Ikari found himself sitting upright in his bed, panting, with sweat running down his face.

‘I must’ve been having another nightmare.’

And yet this time he couldn’t remember any of it.

Just one thought stuck in his mind. 

‘Rei…’

Author’s Notes:

Rei and Shinji sure are going in different directions, aren’t they?

Some of the comments on the draft showed surprise and dislike about how the Factory Haibane were treating Shinji.  However, aside from Midori, if you go back and look at what Hyouko said, then, for the most part, how Shinji is getting along with the Factory Haibane hasn't really changed all that much.  Midori is, however, a different story.  She's now treating Shinji much the way Asuka did, although her position in Shinji's new life is more like Misato's was.

Midori's a difficult character to write.  We don't see much of her in the anime or the doujins, but it seems clear that she's the boss at the Factory.  She comes across as caring, but utterly unforgiving.  She clearly detests Reki and rubs the mistake Reki made years earlier that almost killed Hyouko in her face.  She has a sharp tongue and doesn't hesitate to use it.  Now it's Shinji's turn.

I tried to make the character in Shinji’s ‘dream’ something like Suigintou from the original Rozen Maiden series – someone with an air of easy but haughty superiority, who likes to laugh at, off-handedly tease and taunt her victims.  Be on your guard or she’ll turn you into junk just to amuse herself.

And who might this figure in the dream be?  Oh, that’s an easy one to figure out.

Rei’s attitude in her talk with Rakka is drawn from her behavior prior to the 2nd activation test of Unit 00, when she wasn’t afraid because she believed in Gendo and his work.  She still trusts authority figures.

"Understanding cannot help you" is a favorite Zen saying of mine.

Version 1.1:  Corrected a couple of minor errors.
Version 1.2:  Some more clean up.