Haibane Renmei Fan Fiction / Neon Genesis Evangelion Fan Fiction ❯ Rei-Bane ❯ Chapter 12: Into the Abyss / Confessions / Fight for Life ( Chapter 12 )

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-------------------- Rei-Bane:  Chapter 12:  Into the Abyss / Confessions / Fight for Life

Rakka looked up and saw Ikari go limp and then begin to fall away from the Wall. 

‘If I can get under him I can break his fall a little with my body,’ she thought as she scrambled towards the base of the Wall.

She was nearly below him when she saw what to her looked like a faint net of orange lines appear briefly under Ikari, which seemed to catch him and slow his fall.

She watched in disbelief as his prone form drifted slowly to the ground, almost like a feather. 

"Rei!" she cried as she turned towards her friend.  "Did you see tha…"

Several yards behind her, Rei was on her hands and knees, breathing hard, one arm extended as if she was trying to grab Ikari as he fell.  Rakka stepped back with a small gasp when she realized that Rei’s eyes seemed to be shining dimly with a light of their own.

"What did you…  How?"

Gathering herself, Rakka hurried over to Ikari’s side.

"Can you hear me?" she asked as she gently shook his shoulder.

Ikari cracked open his eyes as a rivulet of blood trickled out his nose.  "Rakka?  Is that you?"

"Yes," she answered just before she was almost knocked aside by Rei.

"Shin… Ikari!  Are you alright?"

"Rei?"

"Yes, I am here," she answered as one of her tears splashed onto Ikari’s cheek.

He reached up weakly and touched her face.  "Did we make it?"

"Make it?"

"Over the Wall?"

"No, you did not make it.  You were extremely foolish to even try."

As Rei spoke Rakka pulled off the work gloves Ikari was wearing.  As she had anticipated, his hands were ice cold.

"Can you feel my hands?" she asked him as she rubbed one of his between hers.

"Yeah, a bit," he said with a slight nod.

"That’s good…  Do you think you can stand?  We’ve got to get you back to Old Home as fast as we can!"

Together Rakka and Rei wrestled Ikari to his feet and helped him down towards Kana’s scooter.

"It’s strange," he said in a slurred voice.  "It’s like my feet are asleep.  I can’t feel the ground."

Finally arriving at their destination after a great deal of stumbling, the two girls somehow managed to squeeze Ikari in between them on the scooter’s two seats and headed off to Old Home.

As they left Rei looked back over her shoulder at the Wall.  For a moment, when she first had used her abilities to slow Ikari’s fall, she could have sworn she had seen someone atop it. 

‘A woman… in white robes, with long dark hair.'  A shiver went down her spine as she recalled the phantom’s flaming sword.  ‘And yet, she seemed familiar.'  Rei shook her head.  ‘But the way she just disappeared…  I must have imagined her being there in the first place.  No one is allowed onto the Wall.’

Behind her, however, standing in the first light of dawn, Reki watched them leave and sighed with relief.

‘I have done all I can…  I hope, for the sake of humanity, that they can save him.’

Her attention was then drawn to the Wall as the spikes Ikari had driven into it slipped out one by one as the Wall healed itself from his assault.  Within moments all traces of his efforts had disappeared.

‘Now I must face my own reckoning,’ the young Guardian thought as she vanished.

--------------------

"Have you got him?" Rakka asked Rei as they both slipped one of Ikari’s arms over their shoulders.

Rei nodded.

"Easy now," Rakka said as they worked their way up to the guest room.

"It would be easier to take him to his own room," Rei observed as they found the stairs difficult going.

"I know, but we’ll need some of the stuff in the kitchen to take care of him, so it’s better to just take him up here now."

"We will wake Seika."

"It can’t be helped."

They entered the guest room as quietly as possible.  As they had expected, Seika was still curled up fast asleep in the bed.  Even turning on the lights did not rouse her.

"Seika, wake up," Rakka said quietly as she lightly shook the New Feather’s shoulder.

"Ummm…  Rakka?" she asked, opening one eye sleepily.  "What is it?"

"We need the bed.  It’s an emergency."

Seika sat up alertly upon hearing that last word.  "What’s the matter?"  She looked over and saw Rei supporting Ikari.  "My God!  What happened?"

"Ikari tried to climb the Wall," Rei told her frankly.

"Seika, give me a hand getting him out of his clothes while Rei holds him up," Rakka requested.

Seika immediately leapt from of the bed and helped them work Ikari out of his dirty, wet, vomit-spattered clothes.

"Just leave his underwear on," Rakka said as she slid his pants down.

"Why?" Seika asked.  "Aren't they damp too?"

"This is Ikari," Rakka answered.  "If he wakes up and realizes we saw him naked he'll probably faint."

Seika and Rakka both laughed and then the trio eased Ikari into the bed.

"Seika’ll have made the bed nice and warm," Rakka observed.

Rei felt Ikari’s forehead.  It was cold and clammy to the touch.  "Is keeping him warm important?"

"I really don’t know," Rakka admitted.  "But it can’t hurt given the way he is."

"We have two hot water bottles over in the South Wing.  Should I retrieve them?"

Rakka nodded.  "That’s probably a good idea.  I’ll get some water going on the stove."

As Rei headed out the door she stopped and turned to Seika.  "Perhaps it would help if you got back into bed with him."

Seika could not believe what she was hearing after all that had happened.  "You want me to get in bed… with Ikari?"

"Your body heat will help keep him warm," Rei answered and then left without waiting for a reply.

Hesitantly Seika slid back under the covers.

"Rei?" Ikari mumbled hazily.

Seika did not say anything as she snuggled up next to him.

--------------------

Having set the kettle to boiling, Rakka came over and sat on the bed across from Seika.

"I think he’s asleep," the Newborn whispered.

"I wish I knew if that was good or bad."

"What’s wrong with him anyway?"

"He’s got the Wall sickness."

"Wall sickness?"

Rakka nodded.  "It’s what happens to Haibane if they challenge the Wall in any way…  Do you remember how I told you how I almost died from just touching it?"

"Um-hmm.  You told me about it when you warned me to steer clear of the Wall."

"Well, what Ikari did was much worse.  He violated the Wall with intent…  I don’t know if anything can save him."

"Did this not happen to Brother Hyouko as well?" another voice asked.

Rakka turned and saw that Rei had quietly returned.

"Yeah, when he and Reki tried to climb the Wall."

"He survived," Rei said optimistically.

"From what I understand he only just made it…  And I don’t think he got nearly as far as Ikari did."

"Does that make a difference?"

"I think so.  I imagine the effects of the Wall must get stronger as you go up, otherwise it would be pretty easy to climb, especially for humans.  Ikari made it all the way to the top so I think he’s suffered the worst the Wall can do to someone."

The somewhat hopeful look on Rei’s face collapsed.  "Then Ikari is much sicker than Hyouko was?"

"I’m sorry, Rei, but I think that’s how it is, yes."

"What about the medicine?"

"You know about that?"

"I saw it in your file when we made the infusion for Ikari’s wings."

"I see…  Well, as soon as it’s light enough I’m going up to the Temple.  The herbs we need for it all grow in the garden there."

"I shall come with you."

Rakka shook her head.  "No," she said firmly, surprising both Rei and Seika with her tone.  "You should stay here with him.  You’re his strongest link to this world."

"I do not understand."

Rakka looked back over at Ikari.  "Soon he’s going to start to feel like he’s sort of fading away.  When that happens I think having someone he feels a bond with will help keep him here."

"Fading away?"

"That’s the best I can describe it…  When you have the sickness it feels like you’re being drawn somewhere else."

"To where?"

"To your death, I think.  If we don’t cure him I really believe Ikari will literally just fade away."

--------------------

After helping Rei fill the hot water bottles Rakka headed out the door.  "I’ll be back as fast as I can."

"Do not be reckless" Rei advised her as she hurried towards the stairs.

Rei then walked over and sat on the bed.

‘Ikari Shinji, the Third Child…  Pilot of the test-type Evangelion, Unit One.’

Rei did not know what to make of most of the fragmentary memories that seemed to have surfaced as a result of her panicking and using her powers at the Wall.  However, one thing she now knew for certain was how she was connected to Ikari before coming to Glie.

‘I am Ayanami Rei, the First Child, pilot of the prototype Evangelion, Unit Zero.’

She frowned.  ‘Unit Rei…  How… apt.’

"Are you alright?" Seika asked quietly, bringing Rei out of her dark thoughts.

Rei refocused her attention on Ikari, whose skin was now almost as pale as her own.  "No, Sister… I am far from alright," she admitted as she pulled down the bedcovers and put the hot water bottles on Ikari’s chest and abdomen.

Seika saw Rei’s lower lip begin to quiver and tears well up in her eyes, so she reached over and took one of Rei’s hands in her own.  "He’ll be okay," she said, giving Rei’s hand a gentle sympathetic squeeze.  "You’ll help him just like you helped me.  Remember that you’re strong."

Rei gripped Seika’s hand firmly in return.  "You have been talking to Rakka too much," she replied as a tear slid down her face.  "I am not strong at all."

"Feeling emotions is not the same as being weak."

Rei found the New Feather’s words jarring.  ‘She… She is right,’ Rei eventually concluded to her astonishment.  ‘Rakka is exceedingly emotional, but she is also very strong.  Kana and Hikari are strong as well…  But can I be?  They have been dealing with their emotions for far longer than I have.  I lack their experience.’

Rei then remembered the word of the Communicator, "You must only try."

Rei smiled slightly at Seika.  "You are already a very good Haibane.  Your words have helped me."

Seika blushed at the compliment.  "It’s only the truth."

"Perhaps, but knowing the right moment to express it is a gift."

"If what I said helped you feel better then I’m glad.  I owe you so much."

Rei again squeezed Seika’s hand.  "You owe me nothing.  I simply did what an Haibane should."

Rei now turned her attention to the clock on the wall with a sigh.

"What it is?" Seika asked.

"It is almost time for me to go help with the Little Feathers’ breakfast, but Rakka told me not to leave Ikari."

"I’ll go over there for you!  The Housemother can tell me what I need to do."

"I… I would appreciate that."

"And you can take my place here!"

Rei colored as Seika jumped up and guided her over to the other side of the bed.

"I…  I…"

"Oh, come on, Rei!" Seika said with a laugh at the tables now being turned.  "It’s just to help keep him warm," she teased.

"But…"

"Are you… afraid?" Seika asked seriously.

"It seems… too intimate."

"You didn’t mind me hopping in bed with him."

"You are innocent."

"Ha!  Me?  Innocent?  I tried to sleep with him, remember?"

"But that was because of how you were feeling about yourself, not because of how you felt about him."

"Humph," said Seika as she crossed her arms in front of her.  "I don’t get you at all sometimes.  Don’t you want to be close to him?"

"I… I am afraid."

"Thought so." 

Seika came up behind Rei and peered over her shoulder at Ikari.  "I’ve been watching the way you look at him," she said softly.  "There’s a lot more than just concern in your eyes…  You really love him, don’t you?"

An old memory flashed into Rei’s mind.  ‘I wish to be one with Ikari.’ However, "I…" was again all she could manage to say.

"He needs you there next to him right now…  How can you say no?"

Rei shook her head, thinking of the time she had refused to go to the Temple with Ikari and Rakka, and the shame she had felt at Rakka’s rebuke.  "You are right.  I cannot."

Seika smiled happily as Rei finally slid gingerly beneath the covers.  She then hurried to get dressed for her trip over to the South Wing.  When she was done she came back over to the bed.

"Have you ever told him how you feel about him?" she asked.

Rei blushed again.  "I have not."

"Then now would be a good time," the New Feather said and then skipped out the door.

--------------------

Rei turned on her side and looked at Ikari’s sleeping face.  "Do not leave me," she whispered.

Moments later, as if in reaction to her voice, Ikari stirred.  "Rei?  Are you still there?"

"I am right here.  I will not leave your side."

Shinji turned his face towards her.  "I can’t really see you," he said.  "Everything’s blurry."

"Rakka has gone to get what she needs to make you some medicine.  You should rest as much as you can until she returns."

"Are we at Old Home?"

"Yes.  We brought you back here so we could care for you."

"My body feels really light," he said to Rei’s great dismay.  "I almost feel like I’m going to float away."

Rei began to reach across him to pull him into a hug, but her hand stopped in midair and then pulled back. 

‘I… I still cannot do this…  I am… a coward.’

Again she remembered the Communicator’s directive.  ‘Yes, I must try.  I must push past my limitations.'  She then willed her hand across to his shoulder.  When she touched him she released the breath she had not even realized she had been holding with a long sigh.

"I will hold you here next to me so you cannot leave," she told him softly.

Tears again came to her as Ikari’s eyes once more drifted shut.  "I… I love you, Shinji," she managed through the lump in her throat.

--------------------

"Yo!" Kana shouted across the courtyard to Hikari as her pony-tailed friend came out of the East Tower.  She then trotted over to join her on the walk to breakfast.

"And how're you this morning?" Hikari asked.

"I’m gr…  Hey!  Where’s my scooter?" Kana asked sharply as she noticed it was missing from its usual parking spot next to the south gate.

"Well, don’t look at me," Hikari said lightheartedly.

"Rakka must’ve gone somewhere with it.  Seika and Rei don’t know how to use it."

"I’m sure she had a good reason for taking it."

"Yeah, but I wonder what it could be?  It must have been something really urgent for her to take it without at least asking me first."

Hikari shrugged as they headed up the stairs of the West Wing.  "Maybe she just didn't want to wake you."

"Yeah, maybe," Kana agreed.  "You know, it's awfully quiet.  I hope Seika didn’t oversleep.  She’s supposed to cook this morning."

Both girls were startled by what they found as they entered the guest room.

"Well, I’ll be," Kana whispered.

Rei’s lack of sleep had caught up with her and she was now slumbering beside Ikari, her head resting on his shoulder.

"That’s so sweet," said Hikari quietly.  She gave Kana a gentle tug on the sleeve and motioned with her head that they should leave.

"I never thought I’d see that," Kana said with a shake of her head as they came back out into the courtyard.

"It makes me so happy!" Hikari exclaimed.  "It’s about time those two got together."

"I wonder if this has anything to do with my missing scooter."

"Do you think Seika went with Rakka somewhere?  But where would they have to go in such a hurry?"

Kana shrugged her shoulders.  "Maybe they went to get the Registrar from town for Rei and Ikari."

Hikari playfully hit Kana on the arm.  "Don’t be so silly!  They’re not getting married!"

"You so sure?" Kana asked with a laugh.

"Oh, you," Hikari answered with an exaggerated sigh.  "Anyway, let’s just head into town on my bike and get something to eat there.  I’m sure we’ll get some answers at some point today."

"I wonder if it’s okay for Haibane to get married?" Kana asked as they headed out the gate.

--------------------

In his sleep Ikari found himself in a familiar situation – sinking down and down in his cocoon dream.

As always he struggled vainly against the force pulling him ever lower.  And, as usual, he felt his hatred and rage against the one he had come to call the Observer grow just as his fear did.

Soon, however, Shinji realized that unlike his previous dreams this one felt particularly lucid, almost as if he were actually fully awake.  And, just as despair had driven him to try to escape Glie by climbing the Wall, he now decided for the first time to fully give in to the despair he felt in his dream by releasing the last of the air he felt in his burning lungs.

‘If I’m going to drown in this dream I might as well get it over with once and for all,’ he thought as he inhaled the golden liquid surrounding him… and then discovered he could breathe it.

‘What is this stuff?’

Now that he realized he was not going to drown a strange sense of calm suddenly washed through him.

‘Have I been wrong about my dream all this time?  Is it really something that shouldn’t frighten me?’

Then, as he sank further and further into the gloom, he began to make out something below him.  First he became aware of a pair of dim green lights that got progressively brighter as he descended.  Soon he could begin to make out that the lights were actually the eyes of some enormous one-horned humanoid creature, looking up at him with its mouth agape and arms outstretched as if reaching for him.  Panic once again gripped him as he realized the chain pulling him down ran directly into the purple behemoth’s mouth.

He renewed his desperate struggle to escape only to be quickly pulled into the beast’s gaping maw, which then clamped shut behind him, leaving him in total darkness.

--------------------

"So, you chose to meddle?" the elder Guardian asked her charge rhetorically.

"Yes… and no," Reki responded.  "I didn’t interfere directly, but I prompted one of the Haibane to."

"Do you think that distinction is of any import as far as the Law is concerned?"

"By the letter, yes…  But, morally… no."

"We who are given Authority by Father should not concern ourselves with the petty playing of semantic games."

Reki hung her head.  "I know…  I therefore admit my guilt.  I have again broken the sacred Law of the Wall and await my punishment."

"Justice is reserved for Father to mete out."

Reki stood rigidly in silence as her wings slowly disappeared and her robes faded to a dull grey.

"For the time being you have been relieved of your Authority and must remain here," the elder said gravely.  "Father will decide what your final sentence, if any, is to be once the events you have set in motion in Glie have played themselves out."

"I understand," Reki replied solemnly.

"It will probably go better for you with Father if Feather Ikari dies, as he would have had you not interfered."

"But if he dies in Glie then his true body will die as well, and humanity’s fate will be sealed!  I cannot say I prefer that outcome no matter what may then happen to me."

The elder nodded.  "It is good to see you so fully keep your selflessness in the face of Father’s impending judgment.  I am sure that Father will take your being motivated by compassion in this matter into account."

"If I may ask, who will be tending to my duties while I am suspended?"

"No one, at least until we see whether Feather Ikari lives or dies."

"What?" Reki asked in shock.  "That will leave Rei and Ikari vulnerable to Lilith’s scheming!"

"Then let this be a lesson to you that when you shirk your responsibilities there can be unforeseen consequences."

"But…"

"She cannot do them bodily harm.  Have faith in them to deal with her appropriately if she again chooses to disobey Father’s wishes."

"I am most concerned with how she might affect Ikari in his weakened state.  She may take this opportunity to push him towards the outcome she would prefer."

--------------------

Reki’s fears were well founded.

"Shinji…  Oh, Shinji."

Ikari looked around him in the black nothingness his cocoon dream had deposited him in.  "Who’s there?" he asked fearfully.

A faint feminine form began to swirl around him, slowly gaining substance.

"Ayanami?"

The image immediate solidified in front of him.  "Guess again," Lilith said with a faux smile.

Shinji said nothing.

"Do you like it here in the cold and dark?"

"No!  Of course not!"

Lilith smiled again and the simple outlines of her body became more distinct.

Shinji swallowed audibly when he realized she was nude before him.

"Well, now… I see you like this body," she purred seductively and then chuckled.  "Of course you do…  You're a healthy teenaged boy after all.  You’ve been lusting over it since the first time you set eyes on it when you arrived in Tokyo-3."

"That’s not true!"

"Oh come now…  There’s no need to hide how you feel.  It's only natural...  So, tell me, would you like to feel these breasts again?"

"Why are you being this way?" Shinji asked anxiously.

Lilith floated up to Shinji.  "If you come with me, you may have me," she whispered in his ear.

"Come with you?"

"Yes…  Away from this place."

"But you told me I couldn’t leave Glie now."

Lilith chuckled again.  "I meant away from this dream, silly boy…  Now that I'm finally here in the dream with you, I can make it so you never have it again."

"You can?"

"Yes, I can.  I know how much you hate it, so come with me."

"To where?"

"Does it matter?  It won’t be here."

Shinji’s mistrust and suspicions were immediately reinforced by her ambiguous reply.  "You want something from me, don’t you?" he asked pointedly.  "Otherwise you’d just leave me alone like everyone else always does!"

"I only want to help you, Shinji," Lilith crooned as she held out her hand.  "Come with me and you never have to come back here again."

"I… I don’t believe you.  You’re an Angel!"

"I am the mother of all humanity.  I want what is best for you…  Try to see past those lies your father told you."

Shinji’s eyes flared in anger at the mention of his sire.  "He has nothing to do with it," he spat.  "Misato hated you…  Rei hates you!  I trust them."

With his mention of Rei’s name a soft voice flashed in Shinji’s mind.  "Stay here with me," it whispered.  "I… I love you, Shinji."

"Rei?  Stay?  Love?"

"What did you say?" Lilith responded in alarm.

But Shinji was already gone.

"No!" Lilith cried out in frustration.  "I finally had him where I wanted him!  I was so close!" she added angrily before she too disappeared.

--------------------

Shinji groaned as he opened his eyes, and found that his vision had not improved.  A glance to his left showed a mix of blue and red that could only have been one thing.

"Rei."

"How are you feeling?" she asked as she looked down at him.

"I’m still here?"

"Yes, of course."

He wrinkled his nose.  "What is that awful smell?"

"It is from the leaves Rakka is grinding up to make your medicine."

"Rakka?"

"Yes, I’m over here," said a brownish shape over where he knew the kitchen was.  "Now, how are you feeling?"

"I don’t really feel much of anything at all… except Rei’s holding my hand."

"Rei hasn’t let go of you for a few hours now."

"She hasn’t?"

"I will hold you here next to me no matter what," the blue blur said.

Rakka laughed.  "Rei cuddled up next to you in bed to keep you warm, but you’re so cold I had to make her some tea to warm her back up!"

"Sorry," Ikari muttered.

Rei was glad he could not see her blush.

A few minutes later Rakka came over with a steaming mug.  She tilted Ikari’s head up so he could drink from it.

"Careful, it’s hot," she warned.

He made a face at the first sip.  "It’s really bitter."

"I know," she said.  "But you have to drink as much of it as you can."

Ikari seemed to fall back to sleep almost as soon has he had finished.

"Is it good for him to be sleeping so much?" Rei immediately asked.

"I have no idea," Rakka answered honestly.  "When I was sick I slept a lot, even after I took the medicine."

"How much of the medicine did it take to cure you?"

"Just a few sips, but I wasn’t anything like this sick."

"Why is his vision affected?"

"I think he can’t see us well because he’s not entirely here anymore."

Rei seemed to become even paler than usual at Rakka’s words.

Rakka then sat down on the bed and took Ikari’s other hand in hers.  "Even with the hot water bottles he’s still so cold."

"Being next to him seems to make me colder than it warms him, but I have nothing else to help him with besides my body."

"Wouldn't it work better if you took off your clothes too?"

"This... should be adequate," Rei said with a renewed blush.

"It's not like he hasn't already seen you naked."

"I know, but just being seen by him in the hallway and getting into bed with him are... different."

Rakka nodded.  "I understand completely."

Rei drank the last of the tea Rakka had given her and slipped beneath the covers once again.

"You know, Rakka said.  "When I was coming back from the Temple and I ran into Hikari and Kana going in to work, Hikari carried on and on about how cute you two looked cuddled up together," she added with a laugh, but then turned serious.  "Well, she did until I told them what had happened."

"If only I could do more for him," Rei said softly as she hugged Ikari closer to her.

"You saved his life at the Wall."

"But I did nothing that you did not also do."

Rakka’s expression tightened.  "Don’t lie to me Rei.  I saw what you did."

"I…"

"How can you do things like that?"

Rei looked away, unable to meet Rakka’s eyes.  "The Communicator… forbade me to talk about it."

"How did he find out?"

"I cannot say."

Rakka nodded.  "That’s how you hurt that boy in town, isn’t it?"

Rei decided there was no point trying to evade her friend any longer.  Rakka had figured it all out for herself any way and was certain to ask the Communicator about it at her first opportunity. 

"Yes," Rei therefore said with a small nod.  "He attempted to punch me but I somehow put up a barrier between us without even thinking…  His hand was broken when he hit it."

Rakka shook her head.  "More Glie weirdness.  I wonder if the rest of us can do it too, but just haven’t been in a situation where we could."

"No, it has nothing to do with living in Glie or being an Haibane," Rei informed her.  "You see… I am… I am not a true Haibane… or, perhaps more accurately, unlike the rest of you, I was not a true human being before I came here."

Rakka’s eyes widened at Rei’s confession.  "But what were you then?"

"I am not certain.  The memories I have are vague and disjointed."

"So you really do have memories of your past life?"

"Before now they were more like feelings than memories.  However, at the Wall tonight several things that can only be actual memories surfaced."

"L-Like what?"

Rei did not like the way Rakka was looking at her.  "Are you frightened of me now?" she asked sadly.

"No, of course not.  It’s just surprising, that’s all…  I know you, Rei.  I know what’s in your heart.  I could never be afraid of you."

Rei smiled at Rakka’s faith in her.  "Thank you, Sister."

Rakka smiled back.  "No problem…  So, what do you remember?"

"I know some things about Ikari and myself."

"Really?"

Rei nodded.  "Oddly enough, our names before included the names we have here.  My name was Ayanami Rei and his was Ikari Shinji."

"Shinji?  Isn’t that the name you shouted when you had that nightmare the night Seika’s wings came out?"

"Yes, it was."

Rakka could only shake her head again.  "Amazing."

"And Nemu was right.  I was a soldier… and so was Ikari."

"Ikari?  A soldier?  That’s hard to believe."

"I agree it does not seem likely, given his personality, but we fought side by side."

"He’s so meek.  It must have been really rough on him."

"I think it was, but I have no specific memories in that regard."

"Do you remember anything about yourself and why you can do the things you can?"

"There are images in my mind that I cannot make any sense of, but I believe have something to do with what we were fighting.  They were not other humans."

"Not humans?" Rakka asked in disbelief.  "Then what were they?"

‘Angels,’ Rei thought, but then said, "I do not know for certain… but I think I am somehow connected to them."

"Connected?  How?"

"I wish I knew...  then I might understand why I look the way I do and can do the things I can.  Perhaps I was one of them."

"Is it important for you to know?"

"Is it surprising that I might wish to know as much about myself as I can?"

"Of course not.  I just hope you don’t worry about it too much.  You may never be able to get the answers you want…  And, besides, it doesn’t change anything about your being a Haibane now."

"No, I suppose it does not."

Rakka smiled.  "I’m glad to have you back here, Rei.  I missed you."

Rei smiled in return.  "I missed you as well."

"And don’t worry, I won’t tell anyone about any of this."

"Even the Communicator?"

"Even him."

"Thank you.  You are a true friend."

--------------------

After assisting the Housemother with the Little Feather’s lunch, Seika came back over to see if she could be of any help in the guest room.  She found Rakka busy in the kitchen and Rei sitting on the bed holding Ikari’s hand.

"Have you moved since I left this morning?" she asked Rei.

"No, she hasn’t," Rakka answered.

"How is he?"

"The same…  I’ve given him medicine twice, but I can’t tell if it’s helping him or not."

"But if he’s the same wouldn’t that mean it isn’t?"

"Not if he would have gotten worse without it," Rei said.  "The medicine is probably the only thing keeping him stable."

"Don’t belittle yourself like that, Rei," Rakka admonished.

Seika plopped herself down on the bed across from Rei.  "Hey, you idiot!" she said firmly but jokingly to Ikari.  "Get over it already!  Rei’s aching for you!"

"Seika!" Rei responded, coloring.

"Well, it’s true, isn’t it?"

Rei looked away, now totally embarrassed.  "I would not have put my feelings that way."

"Maybe you should!  We’ve got to do something to get Ikari’s motor running again!"  Seika smiled slyly.  "Perhaps it would help if you got in bed naked with him."

Even Rakka could not help laughing as Rei looked down at her lap, clearly utterly mortified.

"Oh, Rei, I’m only teasing."

"I know… but I… I do wish to be one with him."

Now it was Seika's and Rakka’s turns to blush.

"Have you told him that?" Seika asked.

"No," Rei responded.  "But I did follow your advice this morning."

"You did?"

"Yes.  I told him that I love him." 

Seika clapped her hands together.  "That’s wonderful!"

"I do not think he heard me, however," Rei said.  ‘I did not have the courage to tell him when he was awake,’ she added to herself.

"Well, I guess you’ll just have to keep telling him until he does then!"

--------------------

A little while later Rei found herself alone with Ikari once again.

"Why can I not tell you how I feel?" she asked his unconscious form.

She looked down at his hand in hers.  ‘It took so much effort just to take hold of your hand.’

Not for the first time Rei fought the urge to run from the room and never return.  ‘It was safe and calm living with the Little Feathers…  Here there is so much pain… but there is also happiness and friendship.'  She smiled slightly.  ‘And love.’

She looked up as she heard footsteps approaching.

"Man, that shower felt good!" Rakka said happily as she came through the door.  "How’s your boyfriend doing?" she asked mischievously as she went over to the kitchen to start preparing the next batch of medicine.

"Please do not call him that."

Rakka could tell from Rei’s expression that she did not find her remark at all amusing.  "Then what is he to you now?" she asked sincerely.

‘My fellow pilot… my brother Feather… my love.'  "Calling him my ‘boyfriend’ implies a reciprocation of feelings on his part.  I only know that I love him."

"Can you doubt his feelings?"

"He has never articulated them to me.  To assume he feels as I do would be presumptuous or even arrogant of me."

Rakka shook her head.  "Yeah, I suppose telling you flat out would be the only way he could’ve been more obvious about it."

"What are you implying?"

"It’s been clear for a while that he adores you, Rei.  You’re very special to him."

"I find that difficult to believe.  All I seem to do is bring pain into his life."

Rakka sighed.  ‘Always talking herself down.  She still thinks she’s worthless.’

With the kettle now heating, Rakka came over to the bed and sat down next to Rei.  "This must be so hard for you, to see him like this."  She put her hand over Rei’s and Ikari’s.  "Don’t worry.  With you here he’ll make it."

"I wish I had your confidence."

A moment later Ikari stirred with a weak moan.

"Ikari?" Rei asked.

"I think I’m going to be sick," he managed.

Rakka ran back over to the kitchen and grabbed a small pail from under the sink.  She got back to the bed just as Ikari began to heave.  She groaned inwardly as he spewed a noxious-smelling thick black slime into the pail. 

"Did you do this?" Rei asked as she tenderly wiped Ikari’s face clean once he was done.

"No," Rakka said grimly.  "I think it means he’s getting worse."

--------------------

For the next few hours Rei and Rakka watched as Ikari appeared to slowly get sicker.  In addition to vomiting, he began to break out in cold sweats and have bouts of teeth-rattling chills.

"We are losing the battle," Rei said with resignation as night fell and Ikari had slipped into something very much like a coma.

"I have to agree with you," Rakka replied heavily.

"Is there anything more we can do?"

"Not that I know of.  It’s all up to him now…  He has to want to live."

"If he truly wanted to live I do not think he would have tried to climb the Wall to begin with."

--------------------

Shinji found himself sitting in a familiar subway car, the light from the brilliant sunset outside filling the compartment with an intense orange-red glow.

‘I haven’t been here in a while,’ he thought to himself morosely.

A younger version of himself appeared in the seat across from him.  However, unlike his previous dreams in this place, instead of a four-year-old he was confronted with himself as he appeared when he arrived in Tokyo-3.

"You’re nearing the end of the line," the fourteen-year-old said.

"What do you mean?" Shinji asked even as the world outside the windows began to darken.

"You don’t have much time left."

--------------------

Rei wrapped her arms around one of Ikari’s and sighed.

"Try and get some sleep," Rakka had advised her before she had left for the night a few hours before.

‘How can I sleep when he is like this?’ Rei again thought to herself even as she yawned.

Soon Ikari began to shiver once again.

'I must do all I can for him... but I am still afraid to be close to him.' 

She felt a surge of panic when he abruptly stopped shaking.

'He... He is dying.'

She jumped out of the bed and stripped off her clothes. 

'So cold,' she thought with a gasp as she came in contact with Ikari skin to skin.

'This is all I can do now,' she added as she pulled him to her and draped a leg over him.  He began to shiver again and she took this as a positive sign. 

'I should have taken my clothes off to better warm him right from the start...  I am such a coward...  I hope he can forgive me.'

"I am here, Shinji.  I will always be here for you.  Please come back to me."

--------------------

Eventually, weariness again won out and Rei fell asleep and began to dream.

She found herself in the subway car sitting across from Shinji, who looked up startled to see her now sitting where his younger self had been moments before.

"Rei?" he asked the longhaired apparition, worried that he again was being confronted by Lilith.

Rei nodded slightly, thinking herself to be in a simple dream. 

Ikari noted that it was still getting darker outside.  "Why are you here?" he asked.

The question confused Rei.  "Would you rather I were elsewhere?"

Shinji felt his chest tighten, a stabbing pain beginning in his heart.  "No, there’s no one else I’d rather have be here with me at the end than you," he managed.

"The end?" Rei asked, not wanting to openly acknowledge the truth.

Ikari clutched at his heart.  ‘I’m dying, aren’t I?"

Despondent, Rei looked down in her lap .  "Yes."

"Then I really am glad you’re here with me."

"Why do you accept death so easily?  You cannot be replaced!"

"It's not like I ever did anyone any good."

She looked up with tears in her eyes, desperation now stripping away her inhibitions.  "How can you say that?  You have always been wonderful to me!  You were the first one to ever treat me like a person... like someone who mattered to them."

Shinji looked away.  "I’m sorry, but all I do is hurt you.  You’re better off without me.  Everyone is better off without me."

Rei was shocked.  ‘He feels the same way as I do!’

"I am not be better off without you," she admitted.  "I love you, Shinji."

"You… love me?"

"Yes…  I have for some time.  Even in Tokyo-3."

Now fully understanding the nature of her ‘dream’, Rei stood and extended her hand to Shinji.  "I want you to live more than I have ever wanted anything in my life before.  Please come with me."

Shinji glanced at the near total blackness that was now outside the train car.  "I… I don’t deserve you," he said softly.

"Is it not for me to determine who ‘deserves’ me?"

Again clutching his chest, Shinji looked at Rei’s proffered hand, but still hesitated.

"There is no time left, my love.  You must decide now."

Shinji reached up and took her hand.

--------------------

Ikari opened his eyes to the sight of moonlight streaming in through the guest room window.

‘I can see again.’

He felt a warmth along his left side and turned his head to see Rei sleeping next to him.  ‘This is like that dream I had… but she’s real.’

He tentatively put his arm around her and pulled her closer.

"Mmmm," Rei purred and nuzzled her face into the crook of his neck.

Ikari looked up at the ceiling and was almost overcome by it all.  ‘I don’t feel like I’m drifting away anymore…’

"I’m back."

A sudden realization then hit him.  'Oh my God!  We're naked!'

--------------------

Author’s Notes:

Seika is in many ways the opposite of Rei.  Although they both had difficult prior lives, Seika’s true personality is outgoing and positive, while Rei’s is introverted and personally pessimistic.  For Seika being in Glie has been a liberating experience from the get go, whereas Rei, because of who she is, is having a much harder time freeing herself from the shackles of her past life.

On the other hand, there’s also at times something sort of forced or even manic about Seika’s high spirits.  Unfortunately I don’t think this story will be a place to explore her trials as a Haibane too thoroughly.

Kana isn’t worried about her scooter being stolen?  Glie isn’t very big.  Where would a thief go with it?

Fear of intimacy?  In my Rei?  It's more likely than you think!

Shinji’s illness effects his dreaming… or how much was he dreaming at all?  Remember where his "true" body actually has been all this time?  He’s inside Unit-01, of course.  So what is really Shinji’s reality and what is the dream?

The same can actually be said about Rei’s cocoon dream.  Remember where she is during Third Impact?  She’s inside Lilith.  And what color was Lilith’s body?  A uniform white.

Without a Guardian watching over him Lilith is able to invade Shinji’s cocoon dream for the first time.  We also see she’s suddenly changed tactics with him.  She really doesn’t seem to want Shinji lingering in the dark at the end of his dream.  I wonder why.

Why would a medicine have any effect on the Wall Sickness?  Surviving the sickness seems to have a lot to do with remaining connected to the other Haibane.  The medicine is tangible evidence of this connection, as the other Haibane must collect the ingredients as well as make and administer it.  A Haibane who challenged the Wall and who was truly alone would indeed die, probably in much the same way as a sin-bound would.  They’d simply disappear.

Hard to believe, but this chapter covers only about one third of what I originally intended it to.