Hamtaro Fan Fiction ❯ Awakening ❯ Remorse ( Chapter 13 )

Chapter 13

Remorse

 

I've decided to make some small changes. I've deleted the crappy prologue and have changed the title of the series to Trigger A. Era of Chaos was the best name I could think of at the time, but I've had a few new ideas, Trigger A. being the best so far. Any subsequent stories will now be known as Trigger A.: *insert title here*

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Cappy stood in front of the entrance to the clubhouse, shaking from head to toe. Oxnard, who was behind him, was doing the same.

 

About thirty minutes ago, Cappy and Oxnard had heard a loud banging coming from the clubhouse, followed by the door falling off its hinges and Boss storming out chanting “it wasn't supposed to be like this.” He had walked d right past Cappy and Oxnard and hadn't even noticed them. From his eyes, full of tears and rage, Cappy could tell his mind was somewhere else. What struck Cappy most however was the fact that he had reverted to his old self. The brutish monster that had knocked Cappy out cold and invaded the clubhouse was gone. Now, he was the cold, but kind Boss again. Cappy wasn't sure what changed him back, but he figured the answer would be there in the clubhouse.

 

It had taken Cappy and Oxnard time to gather enough courage to even contemplate going back into the clubhouse. From the faint sobbing they could hear coming from somewhere in the clubhouse, they could tell something terrible had happened, and they weren't sure if they wanted to find out what. Finally, Cappy slowly walked into the exposed entrance and Oxnard followed him at an equal pace.

 

“Hello?” whispered Cappy as loudly as he could. No response. Great.

 

Cappy and Oxnard sluggishly strode through the tunnels leading to the main room. When they arrived there, they saw their friends all huddled close together. All were silent except for Bijou, who was holding a white and orange mass and sobbing uncontrollably. Kai sat next to her, his body crudely wrapped in bandages. His eyes were hollow, as were Maxwell's. He was sitting on the opposite corner from Kai. Sandy was huddled next to him, but he didn't seem to care or even notice. Cappy and Oxnard crept closer to Bijou and saw that the mass she was holding was the broken, bloodied body of Hamtaro.

 

“Is he…” Oxnard began to say before he choked on his words. Bijou's sobs grew louder.

 

Cappy gazed at Hamtaro wide-eyed. He simply couldn't believe this had happened! Cappy began to try and convince himself this was a dream. Yes, a dream. Soon he would wake up and find these terrible events had all been a nightmare, a creation of his overactive, young mind. Realizing this was inane, Cappy stopped and fell down on the floor, tears gushing down his face. Oxnard just stood still frozen, a blank stare on his face.

 

Guilt suddenly swallowed Cappy whole. Hamtaro was one of his best friends. He had been so youthful and full of life. All that was gone now. Cappy would never again see that smile, that cheerfulness that had been a major inspiration in his life. If only he could have done something to prevent this. He could have! He could have tried harder to persuade Hamtaro not to enter the clubhouse! He could have followed him in and assisted him. He could have even saved him! But no, he chose the wrong way, the coward's way. He was useless to his friends. He was a failure.

 

Cappy suddenly heard footsteps coming from the hallway. He turned to see…Chaos emerge.

 

“Ah,” he said. “You're… Cappy right?”

 

Cappy nodded. He suddenly felt like he was going to faint. The fact that one of his best friends had just died and a hamster that had been in a coma for 60 years had woken up around the same time was way too much to take in at the moment.

 

“Ch… ch,” Cappy stuttered.

 

“Calm down,” Chaos said. “The last thing we need in here is someone panicking. I'll tell you all I know later, so just wait until them ok?” Cappy nodded, and then fainted. Chaos shook his head.

 

Kai suddenly got up. “I'm going out,” he said flatly. He slowly limped toward the clubhouse entrance and disappeared from sight.

 

“I think I'll take a walk too,” said Chaos. “I think it'd be best to leave you all alone for awhile.”

 

No one responded.

 

 

 

Chaos stepped out of the clubhouse, breathing in the fresh air. It was a beautiful feeling. He had missed all this: the beautiful sounds and sights of nature and the perfect feeling of tranquility that came with them. He walked around, touching and smelling everything in sight, filling himself to the brim with the sensual pleasure he had been deprived of.

 

Coming to a large clearing, he spotted Kai in the distance, his back turned. He walked up to him. Kai turned around, his face blank.

 

“You knew I was here didn't you,” he said coldly.

 

“Kinda…” Chaos mumbled. “Yeah.”

 

“You know,” Kai said. “If you have all these freakish abilities, why couldn't you just wake yourself up?”

 

“I'm not sure,” said Chaos. “I don't even know how I woke up in the first place.”

 

Kai remained silent for a minute, and then spoke.

 

“How can you be so unsympathetic? How can you be so nonchalant about all this? The ham responsible for rescuing your ass from that cave is dead and I don't see a hint of emotion in your face.”

 

“I've… dealt with loss before. Many a time,” Chaos said, sadness in his voice. “Don't think I don't feel anything. I'm deeply saddened all this had to happen. It's just that… I've grown used to it. It's like slamming your fist on a brick wall. The more you do it, the less it hurts.”

 

“You just don't understand!” Kai shouted. Some people close to you may have died, and that's sad, but have you've never felt this kind of pain! Don't you understand how many hams I've known and loved have died in such a short time? I could have done something to save every one of them and I didn't! I hate this! I hate myself for being such a damn coward.”

 

“I don't understand?” Chaos' voice grew angry. “Kid, you have no idea what I've gone through. I've seen what you've seen and experienced what you've experienced many times over. Each time I felt like dying. Each time my body and soul were torn apart! The guilt I felt consumed me many times before and now it's happening to you, but you know what, you're not the only one! You're not the one responsible for all those deaths. Even if you had done something, you couldn't halt the inevitable. In fact, you probably would have been taken by death too. You being alive may have saved countless others. Casualties are tragic yes, but in war, there's no way around it. Hams are going to die and there's nothing you can do! I leaned to accept that and if you hope to save yourself, you'll have to as well!”

 

Kai began to weep. “No… no,” he sobbed. “It is my fault, all of it. If I hadn't sent Oxnard after Hamtaro, he wouldn't have died. If I hadn't been so stupid as to take a group of hamsters who've never experienced a single battle in their lives to Altoria with me, Panda and Cow would be alive! I've made zillions of other stupid mistakes and my friends were all punished for them instead of me!” He sobbed harder. “How many more friends have to die before this ends? How many more must I kill with my stupidity?”

 

“I'm sorry,” Chaos said. “But please, don't surrender yourself to these thoughts. You're a courageous young ham and that courage is going to help save lives. You're going to do great things, I know it! If you give up now though, you'll spend the rest of your life huddled alone in a dark corner choking on your own guilt, regretting your mistakes over and over again when you could be fixing them that very moment!”

 

“Just… leave me alone,” responded Kai after a brief period of silence.

 

“Fine,” Chaos said softly. He turned east and walked away. He wasn't sure why or where he was going, but he could sense he was going in the right direction.

 

 

 

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