Hamtaro Fan Fiction ❯ Clubhouse Studios ❯ shoot rules ( Chapter 3 )

Okay peeps, from this point on, I'll be using my signature style of writing. It's called "story-script" and I usually write in this forms, but I lost my way, so now I'm doing it again. Here we go peeps.

Now that the girls have put their feud aside, on with the conversation concerning the shoots.

Taisho: Now that those two have been.... dealt with, what do we do from here?

Jam: Well Taisho-san, now we get technical.

Taisho: Technical?

Jam: Yup. Let's get to the set now.

Kousi: What do you mean by that?

Jam: Well, The set is where the magic happens, so we need people to man everything. Since Taisho has already nominated himself as the director, we just need other hams to man the cameras and lights.

Panda: Well, I'll do some camera work, I did make them after all....

Jam: Who else will man the cameras?

Noppo: Cameras shouldn't be too hard, I can do that."

Jam: Hold on a minute, you can write the scripts for the shoots.

Tora-kun: Jam, this is porn, not an erotic thriller. All you do is, "Hey baby..." followed by some smooching and then onto the sex. You don't need lines to fuck.

Taisho: Tora-kun's right, we don't need scripts for sex. Noppo, take a camera.

Megane: I'll nab a cam too.

Taisho: That takes care of the cameras.

Jam: Okay, I'll help out with the lights.

Taisho: Good, you can assist Chibi-konai and Kaburu-konai.

Jam: No problem. You guys don't mind at all, do you?

Kaburu: You're always welcome to me.

Chibi: Okwee.

Kururin: Okay, let's get to the actual shoots now, huh? When will this actually start?

Taisho: After lunch sound good to everyone?

Ribon: I have no problem with zhat.

Taisho: Good, then that's when we'll start. As for lines, we'll make it up as we go.

Jam: Fine... but now it's time for the ground rules everyone.

Hamtaro: Rules... for porn shoots?

Jam: Just hear them out.

Tora-kun: These better be useful...

Jam: Okay. First rule, everyone protects themselves.

Maido: Well that makes sense.

Jam: (opens and dumps backpack) Here's how it's donna work, these as you should know, are condoms. (picks one up.) As you can see, they come in many different sizes.

Tora-chan: Um, Jam, that's a bit too wide for you or any of the rest of the guys. Like, you did notice that, right?

Jam: This is a girl's condom.

Ham girls: (fall out of their seats) Girl's condom?

Maido: Wow, that does have a lot of diameter.

Tora-kun: I never though that a clitoris could get that big.

Jam: (XD) Tora, you baka, that isn't for the clitoris, that what the girls put in them.

Mahura & Tora-chan: Did he just say, "In" us?

Jam: That's right, you gotta put that in you girls.

Ribon: No problem, it's easy.

Jam: Good Madame Ribon, you tell tell the girls how to put it in.

Ribon: No problem. (=D)

Jam: Okay my gals, it's time to put you on the spot for a minute. Right now, we're gonna make sure all of you ladies can condom a guy. So ladies, take one of the guy's condom, choose a fella and put it on him.

Mahura: Jam, you can't be serious.....

Kaburu and Chibi walk to the group, Chibi noticing the "mountain of protection" and takes a condom. Then turns around, knocks Kaburu on his ass and puts the condom on him.

Kaburu: Chibi-chan, what did you just put on me?

Chibi: Okyoo.

Kaburu: A what?

Chibi: Ok-yoo.

Jam: (O_O) Well, (turns to the hams) if she can do it, the rest of you girls have no excuse to not do it.

Panda: Are you sure you want the girls to do this?

Tora-kun: I would rather put on my own.

Jam: Wimps, you afraid to let the girl in question see what you're packing. Either that or you're shy about having a small shuttle in the hangar....

Ribon: Zhat's men for you.

Jam: Hey, watch your mouth. I have nothing to hide.

Mahura: Oh really, let's see about that.

Jam: (O_O) Um....

Mahura: Don't tell me you're afraid of me, now? (grabs condom)

[snickers come from some of the guys]

Jam: No, I just thought you'd be doing this to Mega-kun. (sits in stool)

Mahura: I already know Megane's size when I caught him wanking off one time....

Maido: Ha, ha, busted.

Mahura: Don't talk, Maido. I caught you spanking monkey as well...

Panda: Wankers....

Mahura: Yup. Do I have to get you hard?

Jam: That's your choice.

Mahura: I think I will get you horny.

Tora-chan: So what's the verdict, Mahura?

Mahura: Well, Maido and Megane are the exact same size.... which is normal for them. Oh... my....

Jam: You okay, Mahu-chan?

Mahura: Nothing, nothing at all.

Jam: (giggles like schoolgirl)

Ribon: Mahura, are you okay?"

Mahura: Yeah, I'm fine... it's just peachy....

Jam: No, she's just taken by the fact that I'm a preacher. It's like they say, "Thy rod and thy staff, they comfort me." (lol)

Tora-chan: Now come on, is Jam's hamhood that shocking?

(Tora-chan walks over to Jam and Mahura to see and hops away from shock)

Tora-chan: (fanning herself) That's.... that's..... that's a formidable size.

Ribon: Oh come on.

Mahura: Jam, (clears throat) is a major leaguer. (walks away fanning herself)

[Jam takes his place back at the table and recieves his props from Hamtaro, Panda and Tora-kun.]

Jam: Okay girls, you're up, Tora-chan.

Tora-chan: Um.... Still a bit steamy right now.....

Jam: Looks like Tora-chan'll want a ride later.... (XP)

Two minutes later, all the gals knew how to jimmy the males....

Jam: Okay, now to the next rule. On, but not in....

Ribon: And zhat means what?

Jam: Um.... Kuru-donno, lemme use you for a minute.

Kururin: Uh, okay.

[Jam takes Kururin's paw and walks away from the table, then put her on her back.]

Noppo: Wow, you can't wait, can you?

Jam: No, this rule must be shown. (mounts Kururin) That isn't too much weight is it?

Kururin: I've been under heavy things, you're a featherweight.

Jam: Ah, tinky. Anyway, fellas, you don't dump your load in your partner. If you dump your load in your partner, it goes only in the mouth and nowhere else.

Tora-kun: Before you go on Jam, I have a question regarding the first rule.

Jam: Shoot.

Kururin: You better not.

Jam: Ha, ha, Kuru...

Tora-kun: Do you actually think I'm putting on a condom? If so, you're out of your mind.

Jaja: Tora-kun's right, poeple in pornos don't use condoms.

Ribon: Not true, ahey use ahem, but rarely.

Jam: All the purpose of the second rule. No shooting the crotch.... but you can unload in other spots. For example, say I'm enjoying myself with my rod right here between Kuru's lovely mounds... (paws Kururin's chest) whoa, soft.

Kururin: Thanks.

Jam: It's all you, too.

Kururin: You thought this was silicon?

Jam: No, just extra fur.

Kururin: Hey, I got the bust, I'm flat as a board like Mahura is over there.

Mahura: (*\_/) Hey, I got more titt than you do, wanna see?

Maido, Megane, Panda & Tora-kun: (*_*) Yeah!

Taisho: There will be no "Battle of the Boobies" here, get back on subject.

Maido, Megane, Panda & Tora-kun: (;_;) Awww......

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Leave it to Boss to mess up a good flash.... =P

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Noppo: Taisho-kun, that was hating.

Tora-chan: Noppo-chan.... (elbows Noppo in the gut)

Noppo: Hey, I'm a guy. I like boobies...

Jam: Anyway, blast her belly, blast her mounds, spray all over her back, hell... you can even wash her face, but no unloading into the crotch. We dun want any of the girls knocked up.

Hamtaro: That's a good point.

Jam: Finally, we don't use our real names on the shoots. However, we make up names for ourselves for each shoot so as to keep into play.

Kururin: Stars never use their real names... good point.

Mahura: So you're real name isn't Kururin?

Kururin: (sarcastically) No, my name is Sparkle. Of course it's Kururin you louth.

Jam: Now that we've got the rules, are there any questions?

Hana: Yeah, when do we start shooting this stuff?

Taisho: After lunch sounds good to me.

Hams: Agreed.

Neteru: Pick your players first, always pick your players. Zu, zu, zu...

Hamtaro: What does that mean?

Neteru: Zu, zu, zu.....

Megane: Neteru was referring to how we'll be deciding who goes first.

Jam: Hmm.... good point.

Taisho: I say we pull a lottery. Girls in one and boys in the other, the pair of names that are pulled will go at it in the shoot.

Panda: And we can rotate so no one gets tired.

Jam: Not bad... not bad at all you guys. Nicely put. Now I got a question for you hams. The ladies I mean....

Ribon: Ask away.

Jam: Are we doing all types of "lovin" here, or is this just a hetero sex only thing?

Ham girls: Hetero only.

Jam: Well that settles that hams, let's have lunch.

Kousi: Great, I'm starving.

Megane: We've heard that before.

(laughs are shared by the hams)

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Hmm, decisions, decisions, who should go first? what do you peeps think?