Hamtaro Fan Fiction ❯ Uki Stew ❯ dozenth stew ( Chapter 12 )

Something for the eaters: It's amazing what you learn about a cartoon especially when you're practically going blind off of it. But this one is something I just thought up and decided to make, so if there's anything wrong with this batch, lemme know. 'Cause I'm just tossing stuff into the pot this time at random.

Today was different for a certain maraca weilding ham, yes, today Stan decided to go off on an adventure. It's pretty much boring at the clubhouse today and the idea that they have I want no part of. he thought. S'ok though, I can have my own fun... With my maracas with me, I can do almost anything..... except one thing. Despite his slick moves, Stan has yet to impress a female ham. Usually his attempts got him put in check by Sandy, or shot down by Pashmina and Bijou, even young Penelope shot him down and he didn't even try to nail her... Oh well, I guess I'm not the type to lull girls properly. I don't see why not, chicks dig the suave and sophisticated ham. Maybe that's what I'm doing wrong...

Stan ran into someone he thought he wouldn't run into, Sparkle. "Watch where you're going!" she yelled.

"Well, well, if it isn't 'Little Miss Everything' coming to act like she always does." Stan shot back.

"At least I'm not a self-centered egotist."

"At least I don't act like a spoiled little bitch."

"YOU TAKE THAT BACK!"

Sparkle dove at Stan and the two rolled down the hill. "I hit a nerve." said Stan.

"Take it back!" Sparkle yelled.

"Why should I take back what's true?"

"Take it back."

"Make me."

"Damn you Stan, at least I don't think of girls as a piece of meat."

"No, you treat pepole like stepping stones over puddles of mud."

"I do NOT."

"Well you sure treat everyone like they're beneath you."

"That's because they ARE beneath me."

"I'm not beneath you." Sparkle realized that Stan had her pinned to her back. "Just because you're popular, doesn't mean that you should treat others like crap."

"Practice what you preach, brother."

"Hohoho, you two really are one in the same, but you just don't know it yet."

"That voice... it's familiar..." Stan trailed.

"Who was that?" asked Sparkle.

"...It's her, Yousei."

"Yo who?"

In a flash of light, Yousei appeared before the two hams. Stan had got off of a now standing Sparkle. "I'm surprised that you remembered me." Yousei said.

"What do you want.?" asked Sparkle.

"To make you two see that you're perfect for each other."

"Me..." Sparkle trailed.

"...and Sparkle..." Stan trailed.

"... perfect for each other?" both asked, stared at each other, then laughed.

"It's true. Both of you crave similar things." said Yousei.

"I know what I crave right now though..." Stan said slyly.

"Stan, could I see your maracas?"

"Sure."

Stan handed Yousei his maracas. She then twirled them around and... CONK, Stan was out cold. Sparkled laughed, "I like you already." she said and continued laughing... CONK! Yousei placed the maracas next to Stan and disappeared.

*

"H-huh, where am I? What happened?" Stan was finally coming too. The first thing that he saw were his maracas. "Well, better nab those up." As he reached for them, Stan noticed that a hand grabbed the maracas instead of a paw. Stan stood up and noticed that he was in a room and looked at himself in the mirror. "Hmf, looks like I'm ham-human again. And if that's the case, I'm only in one place... Ah, I'll worry about that later, but right now I'm going to get something to eat."

Sparkle's reaction to her transformation was different than Stan's. "Ahhhhhhh! What the hell is going on here?!" She turned away from the mirror, took a breath, and looked into the mirror again. I don't know what happened to me, she thought, but I bet that Yousei has something to do with it. I have to find a way to change back to my normal self again... With that, she left her room. Sparkle gazed around the grounds that she was on, definitely not a place that she knew about. "Where the hell am I?" she asked herself.

"It's kinda hard to explain, but even if I did, you probably wouldn't buy it anyway." Stan answered.

Sparkle turned around to see Stan, and if it hadn't been for the streaks in his hair, she probably wouldn't have noticed him. "Oh, it's just you."

"Who were you expecting, Prince Charming?"

"He'd be a whole lot better a person to be around instead of you, Stan."

"I can't go a minute without having to hear your complaining..."

"I can whine if I want to."

"Should I get you some cheddar with that?"

"Ha, ha, it is to laugh."

"Still not getting along? Well then, looks like I'm going to have to take drastic measures." Yousei appeared before them.

"Hey Yousei, what's the deal?" asked Sparkle. "This ain't my body."

"Actually, it is, you're just ham-human."

"Ham-human?"

"Exactly."

"But I looke like a hybrid."

"You look worse than that." joked Stan.

"Quiet, asshole."

"Enough of this, that's enough." Yousei was a bit POed, so with a twirl of her wand, Stan and Sparkle were stunned. But this paralysis was in an embrace.

"I can't move." said Sparkle.

"Yeah, what's the deal, Yousei?" asked Stan.

"From this moment on," Yousei began, "every time you two decide to argue with each other, my spell's effect will kick in."

"And exactly what does this spell do?" asked Sparkle.

"It forces you two to have sex with each other."

"You can't be serious..."

"Very, so unless you two do want to 'screw up', you better start seeing eye to eye. By the way, that's how you two will also leave, any questions?"

"Is this a real spell?"

"Very real, Sparkle.

[Now it's time for the fact of the story, the following line is true:] "There was two people who always despised each other, one boy and one girl, these two never saw eye to eye. One day the two 'rivals' went to clean a house that resided a lady who knew voodoo. Things went well cleaning up this woman's house until one told the other how to clean properly. The boy and girl started to fight each other, all throughout the house. Because of their bickering, the house turned into a total mess. When the lady of the house returned to see the two fighting, they ignored her calls to stop and ended up knocking over a priceless crystal, further messing up the place. 'Because you two would rather fight amongst yourselves and mess up a place than to coexist and clean a place, you shall be pnuished for your stubborn ways.' With this said, the voodoo lady casted a spell on them. 'Every time you two decide to make hatred to each other, you will make love to each other instead. This is my curse to you and once you two coexist, the curse shall be broken.'

"Of course the two didn't agree until the first time they made love. To think they would've learned from that moment, but they didn't learn their lesson. They continued to bicker further, trying to to further despise the other and only made love for their troubles. They didn't want to, but their curse forced them. until one day, where their disagreement got them not only into love making, but also into trouble. It waas during this problem that the two saw eye to eye and their curse was lifted."

"So lemme get this straight, they fucked each other every time they disapreed?" asked Stan.

"Yes."

"Hmm, that's sounds like fun."

"Please don't make me make love to this pervert." plead Sparkle.

"Well then, you two better learn your lesson." and with that Yousei was gone.

[For those of you who are thinking that I just killed the plotline, EHHHHH, WRONG!] In the washroom, the two were sharing the laundry, Sparkle had colors, while Stan had whites. Everything went well until... "Stan, you're not doing it right, you're supossed to pre-treat grass stains." said Sparkle.

"I know how to wash clothes, so don't tell me what to do!" yelled Stan.

"Well do it right!"

"I don't need you to tell me what to do!"

"Someone better--Whoa!"

In a moment, Sparkle was stripped, and taken on the washing machine. Stan was stripped just as fast and so was their sex, five minutes. "What the hell just happened?" asked Sparkle, still breathing hard.

"Hello, we just fucked." Stan answered.

"I know, but how, we were in the middle of an argument?"

"I guess Yousei's spell actually IS real."

After that, Sparkle stood to her feet and the two brushed each other off. "No matter, I didn't like it anyway." she said.

"Same here." agreed Stan. "Your pussy's too loose anyway."

"I'm loose? Your dick's too small!"

"My dick is fine."

"Well, I didn't feel you. I need at least five inches."

"I'm five and a half!"

"Well you sure didn't feel like it."

"Loose girls can't feel a damn thing."

"Don't blame me because you're a 'Tiny Tim' where it counts, Stan."

"I'm not small, you're just loose!"

"You're just bad in bed!"
"It's not me, it's you."

Stan slammed Sparkle on top of the hamper of clean clothes and the two began to go at it again. Five minutes later, they were breathing hard again. "See, had you moaning this time." said Stan.

"I was faking it." said Sparkle.

"Sounded real to me."

"Go fuck yourself, Stan."

"Ladies first."

Sparkle rolled Stan on his back and began to straddle him. This sex around, Sparkle was really moaning. "Okay... I was wrong... your dick is fine, you were just doing it wrong." said Sparkle.

"Excuses, excuses, excuses." said Stan.

"I'll show you how it's done."

Stan simply laid back and let Sparkle work him over, enjoying it inside. You know, Sparkle's a cute chick when she ain't bitchin' so much... he thought.

Maybe I was wrong about Stan in bed... Sparkle trailed off in thought. She continued her riding of Stan. After a while, Sparkle came along with Stan and she fell forward.

As the day went on, Stan and Sparkle bickered, which resulted in more "spellbound" activities, which brought this couple of huhams (I like that word, I'll use it for now on) to the brink. The two discussed it during dinner. "Stan, I don't know if I can take more of this disagreeable sex." said Sparkle.

"I don't seem to mind." said Stan slyly.

"Baka, hentai, Sandy was right about you."

"Okay, I'll start getting along with you, but you have to willingly give me a blowjob."

"Say what?!"

"Just kidding, I'll get along with you, just don't be bossy and be less bitchy."

"Deal."

It took them a while, but as it went on, Stan and Sparkle went through something really kosher.... they began to feel for each other. "You know something Sparkle," Stan began. "I think you're a real great chick when you don't bitch all the time. That temper of yours is the only thing wrong with you. Aside from that, you're all right."

"Well Stanley," Sparkle began, "I'll admit it. If you're not so self-absorbed, you're actually not a bad guy."

"Well, just make sure that you decide to actually be nice to people."

"And make sure you don't think of yourself as a pimp."

"Ha, ha. What else?"

"And... I was wrong about you in the sack."

"You know, Yousei's right, we do have a lot in common."

"Yeah, we would make the perfect couple."

Silence...............................................