Hands Off! Fan Fiction ❯ Covet ❯ Chapter 1

“Covet”
By Viridian5
8/17/05

RATING: PG-13 for one f-word.
SPOILERS: General spoilers for the series.
SUMMARY: Tatsuki sees what he can’t have.
ARCHIVAL/DISTRIBUTION: Anywhere, as long as you ask me first.
FEEDBACK: can be sent to Viridian5@aol.com.
DISCLAIMERS: All things Hands Off! belong to Kasane Katsumoto, Tokyopop, and Kadokawa Shoten Publishing Co., Ltd. No infringement intended.

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“Covet”
By Viridian5
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Sometimes I remember my dreams.

Sometimes I dream of violence and death: murders, suicides, crimes. But those aren’t the worst because I see that in my visions all the time. They sicken and disgust me, but I’m desensitized a little.

Sometimes I dream of us when we were kids, when we were almost the same height, when the worst thing I had to protect him from was a neighbor’s mean dog instead of every psychopath in Tokyo, before Kotarou cursed me with these visions. When I could be free with him and smile. But those aren’t the worst either, because even though they hurt they also give me a little spark of happiness. My emotions always conflict.

The worst dreams are the ones that started since he recently came to live with me in Tokyo. We’re lying in bed together and he’s touching me, stroking my arms in a comforting way or clutching them like he was afraid someone would take me away from him. But here his touch doesn’t give me horrible visions; all I see is him smiling at me. I touch him back, amazed by how soft and warm his skin is and how smooth his face is. My heart pounding, I hug him hard and set my head atop his, rubbing my chin into his silky hair. He’s so soft, so small, so fragile-seeming, yet in many ways he’s stronger than I am. Greedy, I run my hands up under his shirt to touch more of his bare skin, wallowing in the contact. This is bliss. I feel cleansed.

“Tak-kun,” he murmurs, sounding so happy, snuggling in against me. I made him happy. I don’t have to stop him from being himself and reaching out for me anymore.

Then I wake up, and I’m alone the way I have to be and always will be.

I hate Kota. I love him so much it hurts. I want him around and I don’t want him. He ruined my life by giving me these visions, but he doesn’t know he did this to me and mustn’t ever know. It’s all so fucked up, and so am I.

He’s an addictive poison that attracts all the psychos in Tokyo, me among them. I don’t belong with him, not when he’s so open and giving while I’m closed, pinched, and scarred.

As I walk out of my room I can hear Kotarou and Yuuto still talking. The playboy’s acting out of character. Not that I care, though Kotarou does. Yuuto’s upset over something. For him, “something” is either Kotarou in danger or some girl. With Kota here and safe for once, it has to be a girl. Yuuto’s hesitant right now, when usually he backs down from very little. I know he’s scared of me at times, which I enjoy, but he still doesn’t back off. I... respect him for that. A little.

Then Yuuto stares at Kotarou, smiles, and hugs him, folding his long body around him. My hands clench and I feel a pain in my chest. Yuuto has some kind of ability of his own, yet he can touch Kota whenever he wants to and he seems to want to a lot. Why him? Why not me? He’s a constant reminder of what I can’t have.

I don’t want to see this. Watching them together shows me everything I want but can’t have.

How much more can I take?

  ***********************THE END**********************