Harry Potter - Series Fan Fiction ❯ Forty Days of Snape ❯ A Small Annoyance ( Chapter 2 )

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Forty Days of Snape

Chapter 2: A Small Annoyance

“Blue.”

Blue was the first word Snape thought to say upon waking, and took to scrutinizing his decision soon afterward. It truly was an annoying word, and one hardly uttered by someone who preferred black. So why...? The normal grim mindset and the normal grim outlook, sneer, cynical disapproval of his graying underwear, and several rude thoughts, were in fact still there. So what was different?

“Blue.” There it was again, that word. Merlin...

Snape felt what could only be described as a spontaneous fit of mild terror. The sensation had passed rather quickly, but nevertheless didn't bode well. Nothing ever did.

He was almost positive the forsaken toothbrush on his sink and its newest shade of brown had nothing to do with it - nor was it related to the unruly man in his mirror, looking far worse off than the gritty toothbrush. He squinted, pressing a hand to his cheek and shifting his skin in odd, inquisitive motions.

Something was definitely off.

Snape had, in fact, experienced a flash of Sudden Inexcusable Insight, or SII, as the Wizarding World had once called it (circa 302 A.D) - a random burst of randomness, but more notably, a stabbing pang of self-awareness and imminent doom.

To know what a SII fells like, you'd first have to slide down your own navel through a straw and then be flogged with cacti. Not very enjoyable, but a rare treat none the less. Very few have experienced SII's as they require a deep niggling apathy towards just about everything, and a strong desire to see children be eaten. Not to mention graying underpants and a mean sneer.

The last known casualty was Edric the Dreadful who, upon experiencing his SII for torturing a small village and eating their sheep au gratin, was last seen on a barrel floating off to sea. He never returned. Severus must have done something horrible for this to have happened. Something more horrible than usual.

It was this Sudden Inexcusable Insight that caused Snape to rip open his vanity cabinet in a wave of gray and pasty white. It was also the reason he heatedly searched for a small blue vial labeled `Calming Draught' all the while groaning in panic. After all it was only a matter of time before the Insight reared its ugly head to bite.

He uncorked the blue vial and -

“Blue?!” Merlin, it was already happening.

The Sudden Inexcusable Insight was leading to - agh! Complete and Utter Relevance. If he didn't get as far away from the color blue as humanly possible, he'd surely die. Or at least be very very put out.

Blue became the color of his reflection as he cursed and stormed from the bathroom. Blue was the vial sitting forsaken next to his gritty brown toothbrush. Blue was the ignored streak of fire materializing in its hearth, which was rather quite odd as the Floo should have been green. But blue definitely were the eyes observing him in amusement over half-moon spectacles, and Snape didn't like one bit of it.

“Ah - good morning Severus.”

“Headmaster, I've -” the man wasn't quite sure how to finish whatever sentence he'd meant to say, and stopped dumbly when no direction was found.

As expected, Albus Dumbledore fully anticipated Snape's SII but thought best to hide this fact. “Ah, Severus - I'm glad I caught you at a good time.”

The fact Snape was in his underwear, eyes the size of saucers, didn't seem to faze him.

“Before breakfast today please come to my office - we have a new staff member and I'd like very much for you to be there when she arrives.”

The man nodded dully, having nothing else better to do. He supposed that was fitting, spending his last remaining days before Insight destroyed him acting like a half-retarded pigmypuff.

In another burst of blue Dumbledore was gone. Blue again, surely that wasn't normal.

Snape felt a bit sick.