Harry Potter - Series Fan Fiction ❯ Harry Potter and the Next Headmaster! ❯ Harry Potter and the Next Headmaster! ( Chapter 1 )

Anything recognizable in this story either belongs to J.K. Rowling or Kishimoto. Anything not recognizable still belongs to J.K. Rowling or Kishimoto. Anything still unrecognizable belongs to all those people who have trouble separating British and Japanese characters. Oh yeah, the sugar-high type plot is mine. I am currently broke at the moment, so suing is rather pointless. I'm not making any cash here.

 

This takes place in a fictional fifth year because I had way too much cake.

 

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Riddle was dead, to begin with.

 

Dickens probably wouldn't have minded the bastardization of his famous line too much. The situation called for it, after all.

 

Riddle was dead, and Harry was a hero. Never-mind that people refused to believe what happened in the graveyard. Rita Skeeter said, and everyone believed, that Cedric Diggory's death drove the Boy-Who-Lived off the edge. Supposedly the grief-maddened boy fought the newly-reborn Vo...Vold...oh for crying out loud people You-know-who. Yes, he fought viciously against the Dark Lord and avenged his friend's death. Afterwards he sent out a pulse of righteous fury that struck down all the marked followers and rid the world of evil.

 

Tom Riddle slipping on a patch of mud and drowning in his own cauldron didn't sell papers. And no one would believe that Pettigrew accidentally poisoned all the other Death-Eaters by scratching at his Mark with a potion-covered silver hand. Luckily there was enough Pettigrew left in the whimpering puddle of goo to free Sirius. And La, la everyone lived happily ever after.

 

Riddle was dead, and now that this is acknowledged, we can move on, since the story has nothing to do with Riddle.

 

Eight months later, the students of Hogwarts School arrived back after Christmas to witness something strange. Ron Weasley was Not Speaking to Harry Potter.

 

That by itself was not all that peculiar, however Ginny Weasley was also Not Speaking to Harry Potter. The pair huddled themselves away from him, shooting venomous glares down the table and hissing 'Traitor!' whenever Harry happened to make eye-contact.

 

The Gryffindor table was bemused. They looked to their favourite source of “All information Potter, All day, Every day”, only to find the bushy-haired girl also in the dark.

 

“It'll blow over, 'Mione,” Harry said, nonchalantly.

 

“Enemy of the Weasley family!” Ginny stage-whispered loudly enough to be heard all along the table.

 

“Harry Potter what did you do?”

 

Harry simply shrugged. “I bought them Christmas presents.”

 

“I bought them Christmas presents,” Ron parroted nastily. “And doomed the entire Wizarding World, unfeeling prat.”

 

“What did you get them?” Hermione was still confused. She had helped track down each member of the Chudley Cannons to autograph Ron's new broom. And honestly, Harry could hand Ginny a leaf and she would swoon with ecstasy.

 

“It's not what he got us that's the problem,” Ginny suddenly informed her. “It's what he got Fred and George.”

 

“A muggle TB. Charmed to work around magic. And movers.” Ron supplied.

 

“T.V.,” Harry translated, as though he had done this several times before. “And movies.”

 

“But...” Before Hermione could press for more information, the doors to the great hall swung open, and a hush settled over the students. “Oh dear,” she amended.

 

They strode to the Gryffindor table, matching red-heads bobbing up and down in total synchronization. Their robes were left open, and what they wore underneath clearly visible.

 

“Anime, Harry? Really?”

 

Harry shrugged again. “I thought they would like it.”

 

And they did, if their body-suits were anything to go by.

 

Mostly form fitting, and very, very green body-suits.

 

Let it never be said that Gryffindors have any self preservation, for at that moment Lee Jordan opened his mouth and uttered the two words that made him Weasley Family Enemy number Two, directly below Harry himself.

 

“Gred-sensei?”

 

He was obviously muggle-born.

 

The twin on the left whirled so quickly, Hermione's own neck ached in sympathy. His eyes fastened on the one who spoke.

 

“Lee?”

 

Lee grinned, hopping up on the table and flinging his arms out wide. “Gred-sensei!”

 

“Lee!” Left-twin followed suit.

 

“GRED-SENSEI!”

 

“LEE!”

 

Twin-right tossed a small, bright orange ball at the wall behind the table where it exploded, and painted a moving picture of a waterfall at sunset.

 

“Presenting 'Moment Makers', WWW's newest product!” he announced grandly.

 

In the background, Gred-sensei and Lee both decided hugging was not, in fact, youthful and settled for a manly handshake.

 

“Still waiting for the right time to snog that pretty chaser on your Quidditch team? Well now anytime is the right time with our new Moment Makers! Comes in 'Sunset', 'Starry Night', 'Waterfall' and 'Hey Katie, go to Hogsmead with me'!”

 

Said chaser blushed and muttered a 'you better be buying'.

 

“Splendid!” Twin-previously-left-but-now-right crowed, releasing Lee from the handshake of manliness. “Direct all orders to our partner, Parry Hott-”

 

“Mister Weasley!” Professor McGonagall descended on the grinning pair. “And Mister Weasley stop that this instant. No selling on Hogwarts grounds and you are out of uniform!”

 

“But Professor! This is my ninja uniform!”

 

Professor McGonagall looked pained, distressed, and oddly similar to Crookshanks with a hairball.

 

“Professor McGonagall!” Snape's unmistakeable bellow preceded him into the great hall. “Not even back for a full twenty four hours and already I have Weasleys causing-”

 

Snape's rant cut off, and he skid to a stop inside the doors, mouth hanging open.

 

This was even more shocking than Weasleys against Potter. So shocking, in fact, that several sets of cutlery clattered to the floor, and one first year Hufflepuff started crying for his mum.

 

Contrary to Dumbledore's assurance, Snape did not become a sweet, understanding person after Voldemort's demise. In fact, he had become slightly more antagonistic since they had to amputate his arm to keep the 'Pettigrew Incident' from killing him. Madame Pomfery was able to regrow it, so the man could continue teaching potions.

 

Unfortunately.

 

Finally Snape regained enough of his sensibilities to speak. “Sweet Merlin,” he whined. Yes, whined. He tottered dangerously to one side, barely propping himself up with the door. His eyes were wide, almost maddened, as if a boggart that couldn't be laughed away had appeared in front of him. “Sweet Merlin,” he repeated, “More of them?”

 

This made no sense to almost everyone in the room. That is, until a pair of students trotted into the great hall behind him. To be precise, a pair of red-headed Weasleys.

 

Weasley twin set 2 also wore their robes open, and they proudly displayed their own set of slightly less form-fitting, but just as bright body-suits. In orange.

 

Twin set the first spotted them, and pointed dramatically. “You!” They chorused.

 

The second set pointed just as dramatically. “We're gonna be the next headmaster!”

 

“Youthful headmaster?” Set 1 inquired.

 

“BELIVE IT!” Set 2 confirmed.

 

“YOSH!” Set 1 rejoiced, striking a lovely pose, complete with thumbs-up. Not to be outdone, Set 2 mimicked the pose and grinned, teeth twinkling in a way that would make Dumbledore's eyes jealous.

 

“Bunshin Bites!” four voices yelled. “Have your own clone for an hour! New, from Weasley's Wizard Wheezes!”

 

This was too much for Minerva McGonogall, and she hit the floor in a dead faint.

 

“Also new!” the twins plus clones continued. “GenJuu-Chews! Be a Weasley Twin for however long the gum lasts!”

 

Snape followed his co-worker to the sweet, Weasley-less peace of unconsciousness.

 

The Ginny and Ron Glares of Doom â„¢ were nearly tangible, and Hermione was beginning to sympathize. Far from finished, the Weasley twins (and clones) warmed up to free advertising, and waxed eloquent on the virtues of:

 

“Sexy JuJus! A little help in the curves area! Totally Natural-looking!” No one noticed Sprout order two.

 

“Original T-Shirts! Featuring 'There's a Ninja on the roof', 'Snake-men are Pedo' and 'I got my arse handed to me by a little girl in pink'!”

 

“Kaiton Toffee! Breathe fire and sparks, be the life of the party!”

 

“Curse seal temporary tattoos! Has the Harry Potter certification of 'Way cooler than a lightning bolt'!”

 

“Huh,” said Harry Potter mused, toeing a prone potions master. “And they haven't even made it to season 3 yet.”

 

“Harry?”

 

“Don't worry!” He grinned at Hermione, and she began to doubt his sanity. “I'm already getting them Shippuden for their birthday.”

 

And thus was born a new reign of terror on the Wizarding World.

 

Until the next Christmas, when Harry bought them X-men.

 

Owari.