Harry Potter - Series Fan Fiction ❯ Just Another Perfect Soldier ❯ Not A Child ( Chapter 9 )

Chapter Nine: Not A Child

 

The knock at around noon the next day didn't come as a surprise to anyone- it was an expectation now nearly three months into the school years.

Harry sighed gustily. “Hullo Remus.”

The werewolf smiled softly. “How are you Harry?”

Zero ran a quick check. “I'm fine.” Harry stressed the word as Heero quietly worked on his laptop. The other four were out prowling the castle- a security measure apparently. Harry- and Zero- figured it was more like a bout of cabin fever. With no Quidditch, no Hogsmeade visits and hair-trigger reflexes, Harry barely left their common rooms except for meals and classes.

“And beside,” Duo had commented, “Heero is more than enough bodyguard for a few hours.”

Amber eyes glanced around the common room nervously. Lips were licked as Harry waited for the inquiry that swayed on his professor's tongue.

“You haven't read the Prophet yet today then?”

The jade-eyed wizard quirked an eyebrow in response. “You know I don't read garbage. Why?”

Remus motioned to a plump armchair, sitting in one himself. His eyes flickered over at Heero but the werewolf said nothing. Harry ignored him- if this was about his unknown night activities Heero would find out about most of it later.

“One of Voldemort's bases was destroyed just a night ago.”

A startled expression uploaded onto Harry's face and Heero's typing slowed.

“The Order?” Harry asked, knowing the true answer.

Remus shook his head. “I can't tell you much but a few of the Death Eaters survived and they claimed it was a Gundam.”

Heero's whole body seemed to stiffen- at least from Harry's point of view- and the tension in the air felt like a wet cloth. Remus didn't seem to like his taciturn bodyguard right from the very beginning of their meeting. The others had been greeted with an almost forced politeness but Heero's presence barely accounted for civility in Remus' eyes.

Harry frowned at the man. He was sugar-coating his words again, very much like Dumbledore was likened to do when he didn't want to `burden' Harry with the knowledge.

It irked him something fierce.

“The same Gundam that had been attacking places all over Northern Europe this summer?”

Remus nodded and made to speak. Harry cut him off.

“The same Gundam everyone I knew conveniently forgot to tell me about?”

It didn't help matters when the professor didn't even flinch at Harry's tone. It was cold but burning at the same time.

“You had enough on your mind at the time without having to deal with more of Voldemort's horrors.”

`Is that what I am?' Harry thought bitterly. `Just another one of Voldemort's horrors?'

'You could be so much worse if you choose to be.' Zero pointed out with an almost disdainful sniff.

Remus sighed suddenly, startling Harry from his thoughts. A wry smile has caught his lips.

“I suppose I simply hate the idea of involving you and Ron and Hermione in this war anymore than we need to. It hurts to see the young so jaded.”

Harry stopped and stared at his almost-godfather. His anger made the air feel electrified and his gaze made Remus feel as though the young wizard before him could see his every thought.

Slowly, as though his words were too strong to be kept back, Harry spoke.

“I'm not a child, Remus.”

The fact that he'd called him by his first name surprised the older wizard into almost missing the message. A frown stole over his features.

“Of course you're not- you came of age in July-“

Harry cut him off again, anger harshing his voice.

“Then why not tell me about this Gundam…..thing before now? Why not in September? October? Why not let me join the Order and-“

“NO!”

Harry froze at the shout and Heero twitched violently. The jade-eyed wizard simply stared at his father's friend in sudden understanding. “You don't trust me, do you?” he asked and was rewarded with a flinch. “You think I'm too young to be trust, too much of a child to join the Order but not to stop Voldemort.”

Remus frowned and tried to speak. “Harry, I just want you to be safe! I-“

Harry surged to his feet. He looked Remus in the eye, his face hard and serious. “I'm not a child- you don't always have to keep me safe. You can't always keep me safe.”

Remus was silent as his sort-of-godson walked swiftly past him towards to portrait hole. Heero followed in a flash.

The Gryffindor stiffened and glared over his shoulder at his `shadow.'

I'm not a child.” He repeated, his voice leaving no room for arguing.

Heero nodded firmly as if he'd known all along. “No, you're not, but I'm still you're bodyguard- whether you're seventeen or seventy.”

Harry's eyes seemed to un-focus for a moment before he looked away. A smile twitched at his lips before he addressed Remus again.

“I-We're going for a walk. Good day, Professor Lupin.”

“I- Good Day Harry.”

The two wizards walked through the portrait hole in an understanding silence and their professor in desperate confusion.

 

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It was not appropriate.

That seemed to be the main thought in Heero's mind lately. It wasn't appropriate, it wasn't right. He was cold, distant and professional- the ultimate bodyguard. He was not supposed to be having these...feelings about his charge.

When he checked Potter over for injuries, his gaze was not supposed to linger.

When he thought of the quiet young wizard, he was not supposed to change those thoughts into ridiculous daydreams.

When he went to bed he was not supposed to stay up until Potter went to sleep, watching the teen carefully for any sign of distress before relaxing himself.

When he watched over the other teen, he was not supposed to want to be closer than was needed, just to feel Potter's claming, almost familiar warmth.

But he did.

Contrary to popular belief, Heero was not an emotionless automaton who believed his only self-worth was that of the completion of the mission. He had feelings and understood them to a certain degree; he just understood when something else was bigger than him, more important.

During the war, that something important had been peace. During the war, Relena Peacecraft had been the ultimate symbol of peace- it stood to reason that she was far more important than him as well.

That didn't mean he was in love with her or her ideals. He was protective of her, respected her and was strangely proud of Relena and her accomplishments. Then there was that bit of fearful wariness when it came to the blond princes and her stubborn tenacity. That was the extent of his feelings for Relena Peacecraft.

Potter was like that to Heero, in many aspects except the one where the Japanese teen noticed how good Harry looked in his school robes. Relena had worn all types of dresses during the war- and in one frightening case of bodyguard duty a skimpy bathrobe- and the only thing Heero had really noticed about the clothing was that it wasn't the best outfit to defend one's self in.

The thought had crossed his mind to take himself off the mission, almost form the point his attraction to Harry had been recognized, but the idea had been tossed.

If Heero were to leave who would come in his place? The others would wonder at his absence, maybe even leave themselves because he would never divulge his feelings to them on the subject, and who would protect Potter then?

Dumbledore had asked for the best and he'd gotten it- there was no shame in knowing where you stood. Heero would just have to accept the fact that Harry Potter had become the most important person to him- professionally and personally- and always remember that it wasn't appropriate for him to want these things.

Still, it was ironic that the one thing Heero finally wanted for himself, the one person out of those who had tried, was just out of his reach.

 

 

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The wind was bitingly cold and seemed to find all the seams and cracks in Harry's robes as they walked across the grounds of Hogwarts. It was a passing thought to his mind as Zero tried to calm him down.

'You're being illogical. It shouldn't faze you so much that The Order does not trust you. How are they to know if you've been corrupted if you claim to have no memory of your captivity?'

Harry kept a small frown on his face as he lashed out at the voice in his head. `Trust obviously isn't one of the things you understand. It's always been this way.'

'All the more reason for it not to bother you.'

Harry bit back a growl. `Dumbledore and Sirius and Remus keeping secrets from me is what got me in this situation. Them making decisions for me are what put me with the Dursleys and in danger. Am I not supposed to care?'

'Of course not.' Zero scoffed but continued. 'But maybe you should forgive but not forget? Move on but keep in mind that you can trust no one.'

“Easier said than done.” Harry murmured, making Heero shoot him a sharp look. Harry took a silent breath.

“I suppose you never have that kind of trouble- people thinking you can't take care of yourself anymore.”

Heero shook his head slowly, a calm presence at his charge's side. “No, but I do have those who seem to think I'm invincible.”

Harry looked away. “You make me feel like I'm whining now.”

The Japanese teen shook his head again before speaking. “Lupin cares about you. He's lost many in life already.”

Harry snorted bitterly. “So have I but I don't cling like he does. Remus treats me like I've been broken- like I'm too fragile to face life alone.”

Heero listened in silence, unbiased and supporting at the same time. They weren't far off from Hagrid's hut when he spoke.

“The show him you're not.”

It was short and to the point and, for the strangest reason, exactly what Harry needed to hear. A smile danced on his lips as he turned to his bodyguard- his friend- to say thanks.

The motion was aborted as that tingly feeling of another prediction sped up Harry's spine and his ears caught the muffled sound of an owl's screech. Zero showed him the percentage of it being a screech of warning versus a screech of pain.

Heero was tense beside him, looking around as Harry froze and listened intently. If he concentrated he could hear the low voice of a man just before the owl's cry.

Even with Zero's warning against trusting no one, he didn't hesitate in grabbing the other wizard's wrist and pulling him silently into the forest with a finger pushed to his lips.

The sound of the owl's pain reached Heero's ears as he pulled back on his charge. Harry turned back, his eyes wide.

“It's probably an animal, Potter.”

Blue eyes widened as Harry put a hand over Heero's lips and moved in close. A Muffliato was thrown up around them. The jade eyed wizard whispered in his ear softly.

“Listen hard. There's someone here that shouldn't be- the Forbidden Forest is forbidden.”

Heero's face hardened as he heard the low voice, just as muffled as the owl's screech. But just how had Potter heard it?

Harry made to pull them farther into the forest and was nearly jerked off his feet by his companion. Heero gave him a glare.

“If there is an intruder than you need to be back at the castle.”

Harry glared right back. “I'm not a child. You can come with me or I go alone- either way I'm not going back to the castle.”

The Preventer obviously knew a lost cause when he saw it because Harry suddenly found himself following Heero as they crept through the dense trees and underbrush. Zero reminded Harry that they were coming up on a small clearing, one of few in the forest.

Almost as one, Heero and Harry checked for wards or proximity alarms. They shot each other a look that would have been amused if it had been on anyone else. Except maybe Trowa or Wufei. Or Snape.

The only thing guarding the small clearing was a poorly cast silencing spell and Harry's Muffliato was still working as they snuck up to a waist high rose bush. A quick Notice-Me-Not charm kept them from sight as Harry peeked through the dense leaves and into the clearing.

Blaise Zabini stood off to the left of them, his wand raised slightly as he stared down at the trembling owl at his feet. The look on forced hatred on his face told Harry easily just what spell he was using before it passed his lips.

“Crucio.”

The owl screeched again, the noise louder now that they were in past the silencing spell. Harry watched as the bird writhed and twitched violently on the ground with a cold sort of detachment. It wasn't until his eyes drifted up to Zabini's from that the memory popped up.

There, on the Slytherin's forearm, black and sinister looking was the Dark Mark.

 

-------“Hold him still! Idiots!”

It hurt so much. His muscles twitched quickly, painfully as the magic did its work. He'd failed; this was his punishment, his reinforcement not to rebel again. He was supposed to be perfect, to follow order and not ask question, not feel anything.

Anything but pain and hatred and anger.

Spots flashed across his eye sight as bolts of sharp pains shot through his head. He tried to jerk out of their hold but there were arms everywhere- always arms and hands holding him down.

Jade eyes shot open as another whip of heated pain lashed down his spine. A black skull embraced by a twining snake filled his vision. His eyes rotated around him, seeing the mark everywhere as J spoke again.

“Never question me or your Lord again, Black Emerald. Never forget who owns you or this will be the result.”

The hatred they all so wanted him to feel filled his veins. He looked at the dark marks on the arms of the men holding him down and vowed he wouldn't forget.

He would never forget what they'd done to him.-----------

 

 

Numbers flashed across his vision, warning him to avoid Heero's reach as he charged out from behind the bush.

A word that sounded vaguely Japanese sounded behind him as Zabini turned towards him, startled. His arm was barely up again before Harry had him disabled and on the ground, wand digging painfully into his neck.

Zero was running on fast-forward, sending messages left and right, analyzing everything.

'He is a Death Eater- a threat. He must be terminated.'

“Potter!” Heero sounded anger but wary as well. He'd seen that same look on Harry's face just before he nearly took out five fully trained Preventers, a Defense professor and a medi-witch. He was a definite disadvantage if Harry couldn't pull himself out of his memories.

Harry distantly noted the near grayish white color of Zabini's skin and the oily sweat on his face from fear and exertion. The heart below him pounded wildly as the Slytherin's body shook.

His own skin was cool and clammy as Harry and Zero registered the shock that was fighting his training for power. It didn't help that he could still see that damned mark.

Merlin but he wanted to say those two words and end him, end his miserable life right here in the dirt where scum like Zabini belonged.

It was the fact that his bloody tears disgusted him that stopped Harry from doing it. The other wizard trembled under his weight, whispering pleads not to kill him. Harry hadn't done that- he hadn't begged for mercy- not even when they had strapped him down on that cold metal table and made him hurt for nothing to do with making him perfect. For fun.

“Stupefy.”

Zabini's eyes rolled up in his head as he went slack as Harry finally remembered Heero's presence right beside him.

A hand reached down to pull him up off the stunned wizard and even Zero was silent as Harry fought the urge to vomit. He felt himself sway, as if the world had suddenly tilted on its axis and went against all scientific belief. He couldn't avoid looking at his companion's expression.

Heero's face was unreadable as he stared, and Harry looked down in time to notice that the other teen had drawn his gun instead oh his wand against him.

“Maybe it's stupid of you to trust me. I'm obviously not stable.” He said as his eyes drifted over to Zabini's still body. It was almost something like a car wreak, Harry just couldn't look away now.

“He's only stunned Potter.” Heero pointed out logically. In a softer voice, he added. “You didn't kill him.”

Harry's voice was just as soft as he admitted. “I wanted to though.”

Heero waved his wand, making black cords shoot out and bind their captive. He made sure Harry was looking at him when he spoke. “But you didn't. He's doesn't have a scratch on his body from your hands.”

Another flick of his wand had the stunned teen floating stiffly in the air as Harry moved towards the owl. Its muscles still twitched violently and shook like a newborn. Harry didn't need Zero to know it wouldn't survive.

In a quick motion, Harry had the owl up in his arms and cradled to his chest. His earlier conversation with Heero surfaced in his mind with a start. This was something fragile, fragile and too precious for his hands.

Heero gave him a surprised glance as he spotted the trembling owl in his arms before it was wiped away.

“Let's go.” Harry said, before leading them back to Hogwarts.

 

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It spread like wildfire through the school and before supper, everyone knew that Blaise Zabini had been caught in the Forbidden Forest with a Dark Mark on his arm and using Unforgivable.

Alone each crime was enough to send someone to Azkaban for life- together Zabini would be lucky if he didn't receive The Kiss.

It was almost thrilling to watch the sorrow, surprise and anger flit across Dumbledore's face when Heero had floated Zabini's waking body before him. Harry and Zero felt guiltily relieved to know that the old wizard didn't know everything that went on in his castle- if only for purely selfish reasons.

“How did this happen?” The Headmaster asked gravely of two of his students and Harry felt a wedge of fear pry its way into his heart.

Heero, for all his taciturn ways, was the first to speak.

“I accompanied Potter on his walk when the owl's cries broke through the poorly cast Silencing Spell. Since the Forest is forbidden, I thought it was grounds for further investigation.”

Remus said something biting about Heero leading Harry too close to danger but was cut off by Dumbledore.

“I highly doubt Harry would have come quietly back to the castle if there was something suspicious about.”

His light blue eyes twinkled slightly as Harry looked down at his shoes and murmured. “I didn't do anything.”

Heero would keep things to himself, it appeared, the very thought making something warm blossom in his chest. Unless the others asked for details, perhaps Albus Dumbledore wouldn't get anymore information about Harry to make him suspicious.

Aurors Shaklebolt and someone Harry didn't know interrupted the impromptu meeting and Dumbledore let them go back to their Common Rooms as Zabini was taken into custody.

Weariness pulled at Harry's eyelids, making them feel like hippogriffs trying to nest for the night. Heero was tense and silent beside him, making Harry feel oddly at ease and skittish at the same time. It was a though Heero was on guard until they got back to the Common Rooms- that meant Harry could relax finally- but once they were secure inquires would begin.

Instead the others were waiting for them.

Duo pounced, all but waiting for them at the door.

“And where have you been my naughty little wizardlings?” He said slyly, eyes bright with mirth. “Out sneaking about without telling anyone, hmm?”

Harry sighed, slipping out of his shoes and outer robe tiredly. “Not now Duo.”

“Hey man,” the braided teen protested hands raise dint he air. “Maybe I was worried. I've probably got a heart condition or abandonment issues now thanks to you two. Maybe I suffer from a previously undiscovered case of separation anxiety that has been violently uncovered by your callous actions.”

Heero glared at his friend, keeping one eye on Harry as he spoke softly but firmly.

“Not now, Duo.”

Wufei and Quatre were almost a perfect stereo of each other as they asked quite suddenly, “What's happened?”

Harry tossed his robes on one of the chairs, cradling the tortured owl close to his chest. “I'm not feeling well. I'm going to lie down for a while…”

Everyone was silent, waiting from the obvious sign that Heero would be the story teller this evening, until the door to Heero's and Harry's room clicked shut.

Duo turned to his Japanese friend, hands on his hips and eyebrows narrowed. “Well?”

Heero stared at him in return. “Lupin upset Potter today, apparently just getting around to telling him about the unknown Gundam that had been attacking Europe and parts of America and China.” A surprised grunt stopped the narrative. “A Gundam destroyed one of Voldemort's bases last night.”

Duo and Wufei choked. Quatre started violently and Trowa's one visible eyebrow rose. Quatre recovered first.

“Is it the same one?”

Heero blinked. “Unconfirmed. We have two possibilities though; either this Gundam is new, built to stop the other or-“

“Or our mystery Gundam has changed sides.” Quatre finished his eyes bright. He always did try to believe the best in people.

Wufei brought the conversation back to their charge.

“What happened with Potter today?”

Heero sat down by his laptop, glaring at Duo when he noticed the glowing scythes that now formed his screensaver. “Lupin's attempted coddling and inability to treat Potter as anything but a helpless child was addressed before we left- Potter wanted to take a walk to cool off.”

A grudging flash of respect flared in Wufei's eyes for a moment before he nodded. The Chinese wizard couldn't find any fault in Harry's actions or reactions. Facing what Harry had and having his loved ones treat him like glass only infuriated the Dragon Clan heir.

Here, Heero seemed to be debating with himself over something before he spoke. “We found Blaise Zabini torturing an owl in the Forbidden Forest. He had a Dark Mark on his arm.”

Duo and Wufei hissed at the news. Quatre's face hardened. Trowa spoke.

“Potter had a flash back, didn't he?”

Heero looked at the tallest of them, nodding. “He apprehended Zabini before I could even move.” Softer he said. “Potter's not only strong and intelligent but fast as well.”

“Ron's been whining about the fact that Harry isn't the Gryffindor Team Seeker this year. Apparently that role is the meaning of the words `fast as hell'.” Duo pointed out. “Harry'd have to be above average to have been a Seeker.” A grimace cross his heart-shaped face. “And let's not forget the ass kicking we got in the Hospital Wing.”

Wufei's face darkened at the memory. “How bad was Zabini hurt?”

Duo, Quatre and much to everyone's surprise Heero glared darkly at their friend.

“I said Potter apprehended him. Zabini begged to live and Potter stunned him.”

Quatre blinked, before smiling. “That's it? Maybe he's getting better!”

Duo shot his lover a look. “'Fei you've got to stop thinking of Harry as `Britain's Most Wanted' and more like `Charge of the Preventer Agency'. He's been through a lot in the past few months. Hell, he's had this psycho wizard after his head ever since he could coo. It's gonna take a while for that survival instinct to cool down.”

The lecture was tempered with a teasing smile. “Besides, don't you remember the first time we shared a bed together? You gave me a black eye and I nearly gutted you.”

Wufei turned red at the thought but muttered back, “That's different. We're trained Gundam pilots and he's supposed to be a civilian.”

“You forget that the wars were fought and won with the help of rebels- mere civilians going against the government.” Trowa pointed out softly, his tone thoughtful. “Potter's been stuck in survival mode for months, maybe even years now. The body and mind adjust to that way of thinking quickly.”

A silence fell over the five of them, each wizard thinking about the boy in the other room. It was sort of bittersweet that they could understand his behavior- none of them would ever be considered normal again.

Finally Quatre stood and clapped his hands lightly.

“I doubt Harry will want to brave the Great Hall today and his friends will surely pay him a visit.” He looked at Heero knowingly. “Why don't you see if he's hungry and we'll go get us something to eat?”

Heero nodded, glancing away from the empath's look. So Quatre knew. He'd just have to hide his feelings better. Somehow.

He made his way silently over to the door of his shared room.

 

 

Harry had his back to the door, a relatively stupid move for safety reasons, but he figured anyone trying to get him would have five ex-Gundam pilots to go through first.

Besides, this way no one could tell if he were truly sleeping or not without trying to look over his shoulder and alerting them to their presence. Then Harry could easily fake sleep.

The owl lay beside him, its breathing ragged and rattling. Zero was a rolling screen of statistics, showing Harry exactly how much the tortured animal was deteriorating.

His hand slowly reached out to stroke its battered wings, pushing a pain-relief spell out through his fingertips to seep into it. His stats jumped and a faint cooing sound came from his form.

Harry smiled slightly at the obvious thanks.

“Shall I give you name before you go?” He whispered softly. “Everybody deserves a name to be remembered by.”

The owl didn't answer but slept fitfully. He was a strong one, but the Cruciatus Curse was all-powerful.

“How about Hercules? A brave bird needs a brave name.”

The doorknob turned suddenly, making Harry stiffen. The quiet entrance and the near silent shuffle of feet on the floor told him his visitor was Heero. There was an expectant silence, making Harry hope that maybe the other wizard would simply leave him alone.

“I know you're awake.”

Harry frowned and turned to look at Heero.

“Yes?”

That's when the other teen caught sight of the wheezing owl. He nodded at its shuddering form.

“How is he?”

Harry sat up slowly, feeling the childish urge to curling his knees up under his chin.

“Dying. He wasn't meant to survive the torture but at least now he'll go easier.”

Heero didn't respond or ask any thing else but Harry could feel the questions in the air.

`What happened back there?'

Keeping his gaze on the owl, the Gryffindor spoke, his voice low.

“I know he wasn't a true Death Eater- not yet anyway. But he was like them. He had their mark and he had their curses- for a moment I couldn't tell him apart from the others.”

He didn't want to show any weakness in front of his silently strong bodyguard but the slight shudder fought its ways through his limbs. “Sometimes things make me remember. Only the bad though- like the Dark Mark. The arms that held me down all had them. I can remember the pain and the marks so fierce. Sometimes I dream about them.”

Heero sat down on his bed and looked at his charge. “Torture has a habit of leaving dark memories and scars that never heal.”

Harry nodded, stroking the dying Hercules. Heero understood; his dreams were like Harry's- full of pain and screaming.

“You survived it, Potter with most of your mind intact. Not everyone can say that. Not everyone lives.”

It was a fact but the way Heero said it, made Harry feel something close to pride. He was still alive and mostly intact. Maybe not solid, smooth and seamless but stitched, scarred and lumpy. Whole if not completely; perfectly.

“Yeah, I did.”

Heero rose. “Hungry?”

Harry nodded and cast a quick alert spell on Hercules before following the other wizard out the door.