Harry Potter - Series Fan Fiction ❯ Little Bits of Light ❯ Little Bits of Light ( One-Shot )

Title: Little Bits of Light
Author/artist: Nofio
Pairing: Sirius/Remus
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: Boy Love, Ramblings and Musings
Disclaimer: This story is based on characters and situations created and owned by JK Rowling, and various publishers including but not limited to Bloomsbury Books, Scholastic Books and Raincoat Books, and Warner Bros., Inc. No money is being made and no copyright or trademark infringement is intended.
Summary: In the midst of sixth year Sirius finds himself dealing with some unexpected changes. He can adapt to the physical changes, he can get over the social ones, but the emotional stuff is a bit more difficult. The whole mess might be a lot easier to deal with if the sun didn't love Remus so much.
Author's notes: This story was written as a gift for Winnett as part of HPVamp's "Be My Vampentine" exchange in 2007. I tried to do something a bit different this time. Hopefully it'll go over well. If nothing else I have been told that the story is "cute" and "sweet".
A giant thanks goes out to my betas Lotrwariorgodss, Irana, and T. O. Bennett.

Little Bits of Light

The sun loved Remus, or at least that was the conclusion Sirius had come to. The sun followed Remus like a devoted puppy, always highlighting his hair, bringing out the glow in his skin, and generally tripping over itself whilst attempting to convey its complete adoration.

“Oi, Sirius.” Remus jabbed him in the ribs with his quill. “You're dozing off, snap out of it. We've got tests tomorrow. If you're that tired go to your room.”

“Tired?”

“Or daydreaming, or something. You've been staring at me for the last ten minutes.” Remus tucked a strand of gold-tipped hair behind his ear. “It's distracting you know. I need to study.”

“Aw Moony, you're no fun t'all.” Sirius made a show of getting up and stretching the kinks out of his spine. The full moon was coming up in a day or so, meaning Remus was on edge, though he hid it well. As a result, Sirius had naturally decided it was his mission to keep Remus from turning into a ball of stress. It wasn't that hard, really, if one knew which buttons to push.

“Fine then.” Sirius sighed theatrically, doing his best not to be distracted by the way the light haloed Remus' hair from this angle. “I'll just have to go to the kitchens, all on my own, and eat pastries, all by myself.”

Remus' eyebrow twitched. Sirius felt a grin coming on and turned around to hide the evidence of his manipulation. “Ah well, I'll bet I could get the elves to make me something to take away my sorrows. You suppose they have any of that chocolate cake left over from last night?”

“Fine, fine, be a prat then,” Remus said, undoubtedly knowing what Sirius was up to, but playing along anyway. He put away his books slightly faster than was necessary and shouldered his bag. “Sixth year classes are going to be a lot more difficult than fifth, don't go blaming me when you fail transfiguration.”

“I'm sure you'll help me later.”

“Will not,” came the grumped reply.

“Oh, I think some chocolate cake will change your mind.”

There was a slight pause. “You really think there'll be any left?”

Sirius smirked in triumph.

***

To an extent, full-moon nights had a sort of routine to them. Sometimes they would all just sleep, and if that wasn't the case, if the wolf felt restless, Padfoot and Prongs would follow Moony with Wormtail catching a ride so that he wouldn't get left behind. Sometimes they would just follow the wolf, sometimes they would watch him hunt, always they would usher him in another direction if he got too close to the school.

This night was a hunting night. The wolf was carefully silent and alert. On nights like this the stag and the rat follow at a distance and let the dog keep a closer eye. They might be pack, but they were also prey animals, and they knew when to keep their scent away from the wolf.

The wolf howled and dashed forward, leaving the dog to scramble after him. By the time the dog managed to catch up the wolf had chased his prey to a standstill. Sirius indulged in a stream of mental curses. It was a man; the wolf had found a goddamned human in the forest and decided it was prey. Fuck fuck fuck!

The dog barked frantically, trying to steal the wolf's attention somehow. When that didn't work he did the only thing he could do, he ran between the wolf and the man and hoped he wouldn't get beaten up too badly.

There was a slight pause; the dog had never encroached on the wolf's territory before. Their eyes met, the wolf growled at him, and Sirius desperately tried to think of a way to salvage the situation. He backed up a bit, whining plaintively, but the wolf crouched down as if to lunge. Sirius suddenly felt himself be hauled backwards. There was a blur of trees, yelps that might have been himself, a ragged howl in reply. He was shoved against rough bark, pinned by his throat, then there was a searing pain in his neck before numbness started to take over.

His tailbone hit the ground, the wolf a blur a few feet away, ravaging the thing that had been pinning Padfoot to the tree. There were screams and yells and then nothing but more numbness and the sharp metallic tang of blood in the air. James stood before him, back in human form, checking over his injuries, babbling something that Sirius did not hear.

Then nothing.

***

Sirius woke slowly. His vision was a bit fuzzy and his whole body felt like it was made out of lasagna.

Lasagna. Mmm.

The room was blurry and very, very white. With some effort he managed to move his head to the side. There was a dull sensation in his neck, but he didn't feel much like bothering over it. After all, there was what appeared to be a blurry Remus staring at him from the next bed over.

Remus. Mmm.

“Oi, Sirius,” came the quiet whisper, “how do you feel?”

“Lasagna.”

Sirius' mouth felt like it had been coated with week-old tomato sauce and his tongue seemed agile as a congealed noodle. He smiled and mentally congratulated himself for having managed one perfectly clear word despite the best efforts of Italian cuisine. Remus began to look a bit alarmed.

A blurry Madame Pomfrey stepped into his line of vision, tut-tutting and checking this and that. She said something to Remus - 'sedatives… disorientation…sleep… no worr—'

Then she stuck a needle in Sirius' arm. Funny that he felt nothing when she did that.

The world started spinning a bit. Sirius closed his eyes, just for a moment, to help reorient himself.

***

When Sirius next woke it was to a horrendous throbbing in his neck and harsh light invading his senses. He groaned and turned to bury his face in a pillow, suddenly finding that motion made the whole thing worse and letting out a wail of agony which inadvertently revealed that sound hurt too.

The world hurt.

Fucking world. He'd give it what for as soon as his brain stopped trying to burst from his skull.

Fucking brain. He'd deal with it after he'd finished with the world.

“Awake I see, Mr. Black.”

“Hurt,” he rasped.

“It's normal,” she replied. “Open your eyes, please.”

“Hurts.”

She lifted his eyelid up and shone a light into it. Fucking Hell!

He put Pomfrey on the list after his brain.

“Well, you're not fully healed, but at this stage I can't confine you to the hospital anymore.” She sighed. “Keep that patch on your neck until it heals up, there's a glamour on it to make it invisible. We can't use magic on the wound, I'm afraid, so you'll just have to wait it out.”

“Wound?”

She smiled sadly. “Your friends will be here soon, they'll help you sort it out.” She patted his hand. “And please come by tomorrow when you're feeling more yourself. We need discuss your, ah, nutrition plan. Don't wait too long though, alright?”

He nodded dumbly, already having decided to muddle over everything later. His brain was throbbing already, it would probably complain more if he tried to make it do anything - like think.

A few minutes later James and Remus came in, looking mellow and sickly respectively. Peter was hiding behind them, trying to make it appear as if he weren't using them as human shields, and doing a bad job of it.

“Oi,” said Sirius, by way of greeting. “Slytherins been targeting Pete again?”

James' brow furrowed. “No, why?”

“He's hiding behind you guys, like the last time.”

“Oh, that.” James shot a pointed glance at the boy in question. “He's just being a wimpy girl.”

“Ah.”

James leaned a bit closer, whispering in Sirius' ear, “We told the teachers we had a fight and you wandered outside to work off some steam after curfew. They figure you got too close to the woods and a really desperate vampire went after you. So Padfoot is safe, alright?”

Sirius nodded his head and silently tucked away the explanation for more thought later.

“So, ready to head up?”

“S'pose.” Sirius started to ease himself onto his elbows and felt the world throb and spin. He paused to gain his bearings and felt a hand on his arm.

“C'mon Sirius,” Remus said, “Let me help you out.”

“M' not a girl.”

“Of course not.”

“Well, alright then.”

It wasn't until he was hobbling next to Remus that he realized he was at exactly the right height to get a whiff of his hair. It smelled like herbs and a bit of spice. Sirius closed his eyes and told himself that it was because he was sick that he suddenly needed to breathe so deeply.

***

By the time they made it to the dorm Sirius was knackered. He slept through the rest of the morning and afternoon, and woke up that evening feeling almost normal.

The first thing he saw when he opened his eyes was the canopy above his bed. The second thing was Remus, sitting on the foot of his bed, illuminated by the sun streaming from the opposite window.

Remus looked amazing, but the sun hurt like fuck so Sirius covered his face with a pillow. Fucking sun.

Remus started apologizing like mad. There was a rustling sound and soon the heat from the sun was gone. Sirius lifted up the pillow and found that Remus had closed the bed curtains.

“Sorry Padfoot, I didn't think… I just.”

“For chrissakes Moony, leave it be. `S not like you didn't fix it anyhow.”

Remus stopped talking, his teeth audibly clicking together. There was a tense silence while Remus focused on a particularly interesting bit of weave on Sirius' comforter. Sirius, for his part, noticed that Remus looked a bit sicklier than he should this far after the full moon. His skin, while always a bit on the pale side, was unhealthily pale, and there were deep circles under his eyes, as if he hadn't slept at all.

“Hey Remus, you alright?”

Remus laughed, a harsh barking sound. “Oh god, the state you're in, and you're asking me if I'm alright?”

Sirius felt his eyebrows knit together, the confusion must have been plain. “Jeez, Moony, I'm fine. I feel almost like usual.”

Remus' face contorted, as if in pain, and he yelled, “FINE! Fine? How can you possibly be fine? You got bitten by a fucking vampire for…for…argh!”

Vampire? Sirius hadn't remembered that part yet. Memories whipped through his head, blurry and disjointed. Vampire? Vampire? Ah, well, that might be bad.

Okay, so, he'd been bitten by a vampire. Not good, but things could be worse. “He just bit me Moony, I didn't get any of his blood on me, so I'm fine. The wolf got him, remember?”

“Oh, the wolf got him alright.” Remus let out another one of those bark-laughs. Sirius cringed. “There was blood everywhere; I woke up covered in it. Everything in a ten-foot radius was drenched, including you!”

Sirius felt his mind go numb. “No, wait,” No, no, no, “You sure?”

Remus nodded glumly. “Pomfrey confirmed it while you were out. Hell, that's why you were out for so long, your body was adjusting. Blood was all over your entire right side; it got in your mouth and in the wound on your neck.”

Oh, well, that was very, very bad.

***

Sirius moped through the rest of the week. Remus followed him everywhere, and it didn't take long for Sirius to figure out that Remus felt guilty over the whole thing.

Pomfrey gave Sirius a run-through on what to expect. He'd already figured out the aversion to sunlight. She advised him to wear gloves and a robe with a hood, and to not go out on cloudless days if at all possible. She also gave him a sort of potion that mimicked blood, so he wouldn't have the urge to go around biting people. Handy, that.

Life had actually started to settle down into a sort of routine, things were nearly back to normal. By the second week he was in better spirits.

Then the letter came.

In all of the hubbub Sirius had forgotten about his parents, or perhaps he had been purposefully avoiding the topic. His parents would be Not Happy about the whole vampire thing.

James looked a bit pale. “Sorry man, forgot to tell you. Dumbledore said he had to let them know. I didn't think he'd have written them so soon.”

Ah. Sirius felt a bit sick. He read the letter, than silently started to fold it back up, but James snatched it out of his hands.

“JAMES! Give that back!”

“No, too late.”

Sirius hastily started gathering up his stuff in preparation for a quick exit, but Remus grabbed his arm.

“What is it?” Remus asked. He the question was directed at James, though he still held onto Sirius with an iron grip.

James indicated the exit. Sirius sighed and let them all herd him up the stairs.

In the dorm room, he sat sullenly on his own bed, refusing to look at anybody.

“Oi, Sirius, you going to tell them?” James asked. He waited a few seconds and sighed at the lack of response. “It's not that big of a deal, they might've done it even without the whole vampire thing. My parents will let you stay over on holidays, you know that.”

Remus hedged in. “James, what's going on?”

Out of the corner of his eye Sirius saw James hand over the letter. Remus read it while Peter looked over his shoulder. “Ah.” Remus' mouth turned into a hard little line.

“Disowned!” Peter screeched.

“Not so loud!” James and Sirius said in unison.

“But…but, why would they do that?” Peter asked. Sirius envied his ignorance. “I mean, I know a lot of people don't like vampires, but why would they-“

“Because,” Sirius said, “vampires can't have babies. I can't carry on the great Black family line.” He felt weary to his bones. Was it really only lunchtime? “Besides that, having a vampire in the family doesn't look good on the records. My name's probably already been burned off of the family tapestry.”

“But…but…”

̶ 0;No, he's right.” Remus sounded as tired as Sirius felt. “Vampires are infertile, they don't produce offspring like normal people - sorry, Sirius - they reproduce by infecting other humans and turning them into vampires,” he paused, “just like werewolves.”

Everyone turned strangely silent, at that. It was as if Sirius could see the wheels turning in their heads. James had never really thought that anything would change; Remus was already a werewolf, Sirius being a vampire wasn't all that big in the grand scheme of things. James would write a letter to his parents explaining everything, they would likely be more than willing to take Sirius in, and things would return to normal.

Peter obviously didn't understand the situation. He was getting over his fear of Sirius suddenly being a vampire, he would start to feel pity, and then slowly go back to admiring and slightly fearing Sirius, like always.

Remus still harbored guilt, and, Sirius was beginning to suspect, a fear of a new kind of kinship, of something he never had before. Sirius could feel it stirring around them, new things waiting to happen. Suddenly, an unexplainable hope was filling him up, bubbling forth, and quickly, before anyone could catch on, he put a lid on that giant pot of hope before it overflowed and things got messy. He would keep this feeling, this newfound hope, close to him. It would keep him warm, surely, because despite all of the horrible things going on Sirius suddenly felt warm and good for the first time in a very long time.

Things were starting to look up.

***

As it turned out, Sirius' predictions were mostly correct. Peter began to calm down, and within a few days he had gone back to only hiding behind James in the presence of the particularly nasty Slytherins.

The Potters agreed to take him in readily enough, and even offered to help him pay for his school supplies. Sirius cringed at the idea of having to rely on the Potters' charity for the rest of his school days, and was relieved when he later received a sizeable inheritance from his uncle.

Remus, of course, hadn't lightened up at all. In fact, despite how well things had turned out, he seemed to have acquired even more guilt since the whole disownment fiasco. He tossed and turned at night, diligently shadowed Sirius during the day, and did everything else with a halfhearted effort, even studying.

Luckily, all it took was the looming presence of another full moon for the storm to break.

“It's too dangerous, you shouldn't be coming.”

“Of course I'm coming,” Sirius stated, “I always come.”

Remus sat stiffly, text book on his lap, lips firm with resolve, “Not anymore.”

“Oh, and why not?”

“Because!”

“What? What do you think could happen?” Sirius said it low, all but growling, “That I'd get turned into a vampire twice? I'm going!”

Remus flinched, his book clattered to the floor. He looked at Sirius, and suddenly grabbed his face in his hands. “I don't want you going.” There was a slight whine in that voice, a near-pleading tint. “So just-”

“Just what, stay here? Leave Prongs and Wormtail with the wolf?”

Remus let out a little gasp. “No.” They both knew what the wolf might do to the stag and the rat, if he were hungry enough. After a hushed minute, Remus blurted, “They should stop coming too, who knows what could happen.”

“You know we won't leave you alone. The worst has happened already, we'll be even safer now.”

“The wolf was chasing a vampire, he might chase you too. You'll smell different, now that you're a vampire.”

Sirius smiled wryly. “I'll make a compromise with you. If the wolf starts to hunt me, I'll get away and I won't come again. If not, you'll drop the whole thing.”

“But Sirius, you really shouldn't-“

“Agree to it,” James yelled. They both jumped, unaware he'd entered the dorm.

“James,” Sirius hissed, “how long have you been watching?”

“Long enough. Be glad I got here, you guys left the door cracked.”

They both froze.

“Shit!”

“Fucking hell!”

James shook his head, “Don't worry, tower's mostly deserted. It's near dinner time.”

They both relaxed just a bit.

“Um, you know,” James craned his head, “This looks really odd, what with your hand on Sirius' cheek and the fangs and all.”

Sirius flushed, his fangs had come out. He'd been having a hard time controlling it when he got hungry. For the first time he realized just how close Remus was. He could hear the pounding of Remus' blood beneath his skin; he could smell the strength of the werewolf within. Sirius quickly smacked Remus' hand away and began working on pulling in his fangs.

“Sorry Sirius,” Remus mumbled.

“S'ok.”

The ensuing awkward silence lasted all but two seconds, thank god for James.

“Either of you guys seen my Divination book?”

They both shook their heads. For once Remus didn't mention what a waste Divination was, even if it was an easy class.

“Damn. I'll tell Professor Scorpta I lost it whilst searching the otherworldly mists, or something.”

Sirius sighed, “She never buys that one James.”

“Yeah, but she doesn't dock points either.” James pointed out. He looked at his watch, his eyes widened, and with an, “Oh, gottagobye!” he was gone.

“Good old Prongs,” Sirius murmured.

“Yeah.”

Remus sat next to Sirius. “Not heading off to class?”

“It's just Divination. What about you?”

“Study period.”

Despite the fact that all the curtains were drawn, Remus still glowed. Sirius was beginning to think that perhaps Remus had absorbed some of the sun. He could feel Remus' warmth radiating like a much-loved blanket. Their thighs brushed together, one touching the other, and Sirius swallowed against the sudden rush the realization sent through his body.

“Sirius, have you eaten today?” Remus asked, voice tight with concern. “I didn't see you with the potion this morning.”

“I forgot it,” Sirius admitted. “I have some in the drawer next to my bed, hold on.” He reached towards the bureau, and was surprised when Remus laid a hand on his arm.

“If you wanted, you could use me.”

Sirius blinked. Surely he must be misinterpreting what Remus said. “Ah, Remus, I'm not supposed to. If there were an accident I could possibly turn-“

“It doesn't hurt werewolves,” Remus said quickly. “The Vampire and Werewolf diseases are exclusive, once you have one you're immune to the other. And really, I would like to help you some way, if I could.”

“Ah…” Sirius swallowed nervously. Oh gods but that was tempting. Just the thought of being so close… But no, he really shouldn't. Pomfrey would throw a fit, and…and…“It's probably still not a good idea. Maybe if we had an emergency and no potion, but I should probably play it safe, y'know.”

Remus removed his hand, and instead fisted the bedcovers. “I…I still… I just…I want to help you.” He straightened his shoulders and looked Sirius in the eyes. “I always want to help you.”

This, Sirius realized, wasn't about helping him so much as it was about relieving guilt. And until Remus felt he'd made things right, it would always be about guilt. As much as he loved having the other boy with him, Sirius didn't like that Remus was only hanging around so much because of misplaced feelings. So maybe (oh you're just making excuses. No, no I'm not, shut up, brain, shut up), maybe if it would make Remus feel better, it would be okay, just this once.

“Alright.”

Remus blinked, his face spread to a look of tentative hope. “Really?”

“Just this once, then we're saving it for emergencies.”

Vigorous nodding met his reply.

“Alright, okay,” Sirius said, suddenly nervous, “then just, umm…”

Remus, as it turned out, wouldn't allow any awkwardness. He slid his hand behind Sirius' head, drew him down, and arched back to expose pale throat for hungry teeth.

Sirius could smell the blood and hear the pulse and oh god.

The rest felt as natural as breathing. Vampire instincts took over and soon Sirius was immersed in the feeling of warm blood sliding down his throat. His whole body felt comfortably electrified and, and good, so good.

One of Remus' hands was still on the back of Sirius' head, and the other was making slow paths up and down his spine; a gentle touch, almost like the kind that might be used to reassure a child. Then Remus emitted a little gasp from somewhere deep in his throat, something low and primal that went straight to Sirius' groin. He quickly retracted his fangs, licking the last drops of blood from the wound and watching it seal over. Healing saliva, nice to know. He carefully moved to the side and sat next to Remus again, wriggling a bit to help relieve the tightness in his pants. A quick glance confirmed that Remus was similarly affected. Sirius looked away and took deep breaths in an attempt to calm down his traitorous teenage hormones. Damn hormones; he was adding them to The List, right after Pomfrey, useless parents, and vampiric bloodlust.

Though, perhaps the bloodlust wasn't so bad….

***

A few days later, a rat, a stag, and a dog snuck into a willow tree not far from a magical castle. It was with no small sense of trepidation that they met a wolf with a shaggy brown coat and eyes so deeply gold they resembled the sun. The wolf ignored the rat and the stag, who kept a respectful distance, and headed straight to the dog. He stopped and began to walk in a circle around the other animal, sniffing all the time. It smelt familiar, though not quite the same as before. There was something strange about it now, something that bore a remembrance of strength and blood.

The wolf cocked his head, took one last long whiff, then howled, nipped at the dog's flanks, and dashed down the tunnel and into the woods.

The stag and the rat sat, still watching, waiting for a conformation. Okay? Not okay?

The dog, for his part, let out an answering howl and dashed out after the wolf. To any canine the message had been clear: The moon is full, let's play and hunt and roam the night. Catch me if you can, catch me if you can.

***

“Madame Pomfrey, is Remus up?”

The nurse looked up from where she'd been busily stripping sickbeds of day-old sheets. She absently wiped an errant strand of hair from her face. “As a matter of fact he is. This time wasn't so bad; he ought to be able to go back to his own bed this evening.”

“Ah.” Sirius eyed the flowers in his hand, wild things he'd picked hoping to sneak them to Remus' bedside while the boy still slept. They were mostly white and yellow, not too girly, but still not something one ought to give to another boy.

“Well,” the nurse said impatiently, “You know where he is, I haven't got all day.”

“Right, sorry,” Sirius said, heading towards the bed Remus usually inhabited after full moons.

Sure enough, Remus was awake and energetically taking notes from his Ancient Runes book. Sirius coughed discreetly and took the chair next to the bed.

“Sirius, ah, hold on.” Remus set his book and notepad to the side. Sirius took the opportunity to slide the flowers onto the bedside table. Remus did look much better than was usual after a full moon, though still a bit pale. He probably could use some chocolate, but how odd would it have looked for Sirius to bring flowers and chocolates to another bloke? Sirius tried to stealthily lay the flowers on the table--

“Nice flowers,” Remus said. “Where'd you find them?”

Ah, busted. Sirius retracted his hand from the bedside table. “They were out by the lake,” he admitted.

“You went outside?”

“It was overcast,” Sirius defended.

“Ah.” Remus stared at Sirius intently for a moment. Sirius fought the urge to squirm in his chair.

“You look a bit pale. Sirius, did you forget your potion again?”

Oh, Sirius knew he'd forgotten something this morning. “Whoops.”

“Whoops?” Remus arched an eyebrow. “What would Madame Pomfrey say?”

“Not so loud,” Sirius hissed. “She'll hear you.”

Remus laughed. “Need a drink?”

Despite vampiric paleness, Sirius was sure his face flamed at the sudden memory of the last time, the first time, he'd fed from Remus. “Ah, no. I'll be alright. Still have time before next class. And besides, you're still healing from last night. You probably need all the blood you can get.”

Remus nodded in acceptance. “Just making sure.” Then Remus blushed and turned away. Sirius suddenly had the niggling suspicion that he wasn't the only one affected by the memory for Sirius' feeding. A mischievous thought entered his head, and a wicked grin spread across his face.

“Though, if you wanted me too, I could probably lick your hurts all better…”

Remus threw the flowers at him.

In the midst of it all the ensuing fight, Sirius noticed that a shaft of sunlight had flitted across the room and dimmed and widened until it encompassed Remus from head to toe. It brought out the golden tones in his skin, the highlights in his hair, and the warmth in his eyes. It illuminated him, but not to the point of hurting Sirius.

The sun really did love Remus, after all.