Harry Potter - Series Fan Fiction ❯ Sakura Drops ❯ Chapter 5: Images that resemble memories ( Chapter 5 )

Title: Sakura DropsAuthor: DeityOfDeathArchive: Yes please......Pairings: Lucius/Harry/SeverusCategory: Drama, romance, slashrating: NC-17/RSpoilers: Most likely.Warnings: Yaoi, Lemon, Rape, Non-con, Mpreg SPOILERS!!!!!! Disclaimers: I never have nor will I ever own Harry Potter or its chars. They are property of JK Rowling and major companies.
Note from Author: Thank You for reading and supporting fan fiction~! Enjoy and please review~!
The chapter titles are translated lyrics from the song "Sakura Drops" by Hikaru Utada.




Sakura Drops




Chapter 5: Images that resemble memories


I had begun a quiet routine as of late. I found this strange place and its people quite intriguing. This castle known as Hogwarts seemed to hold a great importance to the “me” of old and they preferred I stay here, hoping it would jog some memories. It’s usually filled with “young students with empty heads ready to be filled” from what Professor McGonagall says but it is summer vacation and all good students are home on break. I have another month before they return to walk these halls and stairs in the hope that something jogs my memory.

If my progress continues at its current speed they plan to take me to a place called Grimmauld Place that was once again important to the old me and then when I’m comfortable Mrs. Weasley would like me to visit her home, apparently another place I frequented. There is another place they would like me to visit but they seem hesitant to mention it let alone take me there. Apparently I grew up at this other place and I truly wonder why I wouldn’t want to visit if it is a place I called home.

I get the feeling they keep from telling me things for fear that I might react negatively. I wonder if it’s worth remembering a past that one would call unhappy.

I have had a few memories return, some while I’m awake and others while sleeping, but they don’t seem real. It’s almost as if I’m waking from some wonderful dream and than at the same time some horrible nightmare. Such strange people and creatures appear in these dream-like memories and I wonder sometimes if I’m mad.

I feel grounded when I am with my sons. They keep me busy and keep my mind clear. They remind me that there is more to me then who I “used to be”. They like me for the me now and I worry about those around me, the ones who call me friend and family; will they like me still if I can’t become the “old me”, will they accept the current me. I fear that they won’t.

I think that fear keeps me truly getting to know most of them. I feel it’s better to distance myself.

“Good day, Harry. Still writing in your journal I see.”

I turned to see Poppy standing in the doorway of what was now considered my quarters.

“Yes, thank you for it. It helps sort out my emotions more than anything.”

“I had a feeling you could use the outlet. I see the thoughts in those green eyes. Don’t fret or over think things much. Take your time and get to know us. If it comes it comes, if it doesn’t then at least you can get to know us all over again.”

I smiled then; she certainly had a way of putting ones mind at ease.

“Anything you wanted to talk about? I have an hour to spare,” she said taking a seat in a plush chair across from the couch I sat on, my sons laying on their backs on the floor eyeing up their “floor mobiles” Hermione had bought them.

“I don’t know where to start. I remembered a few of the people I’ve met but I can’t seem to connect to them like I did then. I like them, I enjoy most of their company but the memories and dreams feel surreal and they mention happy or funny things that happened but they seem to shy away from the not so pleasant memories, but their still there. I’ve dreamed a few but I can’t make sense of them,” I said frustrated.

“Has anyone sat and talked to you about the “you”, you don’t remember,” she asked softly.

“I think they’re afraid to. It’s like they want me to remember on my own but I also get the feeling they don’t know too much about my earlier years.”

“You can blame your old self for that. You never were comfortable talking much about your past unless it was the past you didn’t know of.”

“Past I didn’t know of,” I asked feeling even more confused.

“You were born to two very proud and popular graduates of this school. Your mother was a vivacious, intelligent and kind witch named Lily Evans. She came from a muggle family much like our dear Hermione. Your father; James Potter was like you, never much talked about his family but he was loud, outgoing and very much a show off; especially when it came to your mother.”

She seemed to smile as she stood up and walked over to a shelf where a bunch of photo’s, moving and non sat, She lifted two framed photo’s up and walked over sitting next to me one.

“Your father was friends with Remus Lupin; the man with the sandy hair, Sirius Black; the black haired mischievous man and Peter Pettigrew, the pudgy young man in the back.”

“I’ve seen the two you called Remus and Sirius in memories before…”

“Yes, I’m sure you have. Both meant a lot to you back then,” she said with a sad smile.

She handed me the other picture of them in a group photo with a red haired woman holding a pudgy baby that somewhat reminded me of my sons.

“Your mother Lily; married your father James and you came along. That’s you in her arms.”

It was odd seeing those brightly smiling faces and knowing that they were no longer here. She hadn’t said they weren’t but if they had yet to show up then I could only assume.

“You were a year old when a dark wizard known as Voldemort appeared. A trusted friend; Peter gave the dark side your whereabouts and your house was attacked in Godric’s Hollow. Your father was killed and then your mother died protecting you.”

That had cemented my thoughts on their whereabouts.

“The Dark Lord then turned his sights on you. He cast the killing curse but your mothers sacrifice and love protected you and you lived, leaving evidence of your battle right here;” she said as she leaned in and moved my bangs from my forehead, tracing the lightening bolt scar on my forehead.

“Kinda wondered how I got that,” I said softly.

She nodded and smiled, “You were found and taken to your Mother’s Sisters home. Your mother had a sister named Petunia who was just your average everyday muggle. I often got the feeling from your mother that your Aunt was quite jealous of her and thus shunned anything out of the ordinary.”

I nodded, I could understand that. You want what you can’t have, its human nature.

“I don’t know much about your upbringing. You rarely spoke of your life there but from what I’ve heard from the Weasley’s, it wasn’t a pleasant childhood.”

I let those words sink in and wondered if perhaps those were the nightmares that woke me but thought better of it when I thought of the faces of those in my nightmares. Poppy had said my Aunt was ordinary and the faces in my dreams were anything but.

“At eleven you got your Hogwarts letter and from what I remember Hagrid and Professor Dumbledore saying, was quite a chore just getting it to you. Your Aunt and Uncle weren’t too found of you being magical.”

The twins began fussing and I stood up and picked up Daniel, the fussier of the two and held him close. He stopped fussing, happy to have the attention; his brother however continued to cry until Poppy stood up and took him into her arms.

“I was told your cousin is quite a little porker, I hope these two don’t take after him. They seem to be gaining weight, not that I’m surprised with the way they eat,” she said playfully.

“So how is it that I got here,” I asked as I took my seat on the couch again.

“Hagrid took you to Diagon Alley and there you bought your school robes and supplies and then you were taken to the train station where you caught the Hogwarts express. That is how students get here year after year, although the way into the castle differs for each year you attend.”

I was desperate to know more of my school days and she smiled ruefully down at me, “I would love to tell you more my boy but I must be returning to the infirmary. Severus will be dropping by in a few minutes to drop off some potions and he’ll probably stop by here to see the boys. We’ll talk more, I promise.”

Just as she spoke there was a knock at the door. She walked to the door and opened it, smiling brightly as the Lucius entered.

“Just in time Lucius, come; take your son. I must be on my way. Harry, I’ll see you this time tomorrow. Remember what I said; don’t think overly much on things and continue writing in your journal.”

With that she handed Nathaniel over to Lucius and winked at him as she was leaving. I watched as he held Nathaniel close smiling down at him.

“Good Afternoon Harry, how are you feeling today,” he asked fully entering my quarters.

“About the same as usual, and you,” I asked trying to hide some of my nervousness.

“Good now, stressed earlier but its amazing how the simplest thing can make your day better,” he said taking a seat on the couch a cushion away from me.

I felt myself blush, my cheeks and neck warming at his words. It seemed so natural to feel like this and yet it didn’t. It wasn’t just him; both he and Severus had this effect on me.

“I’m glad to hear that. Will you and Severus continuing visiting me until the school year begins,” I asked fidgeting.

“We plan to, unless you would prefer otherwise,” he said watching me through narrowed silver eyes.

“No…no I …enjoy your visits. It’s strange but it feels normal. I believe they have given me a choice of places to stay when the school reopens, will you visit the one I have chosen as well,” I asked as I looked down at Daniel, tickling his feet.

“But of course. Have you decided where you would like to stay next,” he asked watching me with somewhat of a smile on his face.

“I believe I have…I have been having talks with everyone and even though memories come to me in dreams and flashes it all still seems surreal so I think for the time being I’d prefer to not interrupt anyone else’s lives. Plus I still need time to figure out myself.”

“So like you…or should I say memories or not you are the same person,” he said with a small sad smile that looked out of place on that proud visage.

“Poppy has said as much during our talks. I believe with each talk and each memory I will either find myself closer to being who I was or farther from it all.”

He looked down at Daniel in my arms and then up into my eyes, “Whatever you choose we’ll be there for you as long as you’ll have us. We have already discussed it. It is better to have you close than not have you at all. We have lost you once; neither of us can bear to lose you again.”

With that I felt my eyes grow warm, whether because of the sentiment of what was said or the sorrow behind it. Those two had already suffered much because of my disappearance and I couldn’t let them suffer through it again, intentionally or unintentionally.


To Be Continued…..

More to come soon. Still working this story out.

Kat