Harry Potter - Series Fan Fiction ❯ Santa Dumbles ❯ Chapter 1 ( Chapter 1 )

Disclaimer: I own nothing you recognize

Note: I got this idea from Tsukiko-Through the Mirror-'s fic 100 Ways To Get Kicked Out of Hogwarts and I am using it without her permission (I hope she isn't angry...). if she PM's me with a request to remove this fic then I will.

Santa Dumbles

Harry Potter was taking a stroll through the halls of Hogwarts one day when an idea hit him... literally.

"Ow!" Harry exclaimed as he was hit in the head with a Santa Hat (with a bell on the end... those things hurt!). "Where did this come from?" He pondered. "This gives me a great idea!"

Let's back it up a bit. You see, this morning was not like other mornings for the Boy Hero -- this morning he woke up and said "Dumbles is crazy, isn't he?" Our young, plucky boy hero had decided that anyone who sent a child out to kill a serial killer had to be insane. Of course, the sheer age of that man and his fashion sense (rather his lack-thereof) was more than enough to convince the rest of us, but plucky boy heroes tend to be a little thick.

This was when he decided to take a walk and think of what to do next, he then proceeded to be pelted in the head with a Santa hat. This brings us back to the present.

Harry Potter was plotting, oh yes, plotting. The maniacal form of planning (because we all know that once plucky boy heroes get a clue they either turn angsty, evil, or crazy... maniacally crazy). `What was he plotting?' you might ask. Well, he was plotting the demise of Dumbles, or something like it.

Later that day (dinner time)

Harry Potter, The-No-Longer-Plucky-Boy-Hero, walked into the great hall in a beanie, while holding a large spiral lollipop that he proceeded to lick. He then pulled his wand out of his pocket and said a spell that no one could comprehend at professor Dumbledore.

For some reason everyone was surprised when Dumbles' robes (which were neon pink with lime green chickens) were transformed into a bright red Santa suit, complete with the same Santa Hat that Harry had been hit with that morning (not that they knew that).

Harry skipped up to the head table and seated himself on the Headmaster's lap. "For Christmas I want a pony and a race car and a rubber chicken and a goat... the goat's for my uncle... yeah (1)." Harry said in a high pitched voice that was a poor imitation of a child.

"What do you think you are doing Mr. Potter?" the transfiguration mistress, hereby referred to as Minnie the magic meatball, enquired rather high-pitched and loudly.

"I'm telling Santa Dumbles what I want for Christmas," he replied innocently.

"Get off of the headmaster this instant Potter!" She screamed in reply.

"Okay." After he had removed himself from Santa Dumbles he jumped onto the head table and shouted, "Hey everyone! Come and join the Dark Side! We have cookies!" Then he skipped out of the great hall and out of Hogwarts, off to join Voldie on his quest for world domination and the perfect recipe for Apple Brown Betty.

Elsewhere

"It workded. It actually workded." Alls of mines plans and mines hours of the thinkings has payded offded," Winky exclaimed as she hopped around the kitchens. "The Potter boy is actually gones. Now I's can drinks in peaces."

She the proceeded to get roaring drunk. That night she died in a pool of her own fecal matter.

The End

(1) a reference to Aberforth (the cool Dumbledore). Duh!