Harry Potter - Series Fan Fiction ❯ Shots in the Dark ❯ TGD 1-A ( Chapter 19 )

[ X - Adult: No readers under 18. Contains Graphic Adult Themes/Extreme violence. ]

Disclaimer: Same as I always put in my fics, don’t own 
anything other than the, PS2, games, PC and the DVD’s. 
 
Rant: This is the Director’s Cut, Best Of, whatever you wish 
to call it.  Once the side-story I have started is finished 
and ready to integrate, the Platinum Edition will be released.  
I had to give it some serious thought, but this fic will 
follow the original TGD, only with errors fixed and the usual 
jargon. 
 
For the love of all, vote on the poll!  Stop being lazy and 
vote people! 
 
The Goddess Dilemma, Gold Edition 
 
By: Driver J im Ohki 
 
*Day One* 
 
One would think that in Nerima, Tokyo, Japan the strange and 
unusual would be the norm.  Ghosts, oni, demons, bad poetry, 
animated lawn gnomes, and daily martial arts battles with 
varying genders wouldn’t even earn a second glance.  With the 
thought that this was the norm, imagine the utmost surprise 
when the latest turn in the Reality Opera that was the Life of 
Ranma Saotome took on a whole new dimension . . . 
 
“Damn it, not again,†said the youth as he met the Almighty 
Mallet.  The day had gone well, up until this event.  Shampoo, 
Ukyo and Kodachi were being . . . normal.  Not normal in the 
Nerima way, but normal in the rest of the world way.  They had 
actually talked during lunch, sharing the bountiful food 
brought by both Shampoo and Ukyo.  When Kodachi had dropped 
by, she talked in normal tones and didn’t break out the ribbon 
or the roses.  But, it was to be short lived when the walking 
symbol of what needing anger management looked like appeared. 
 
After the usual spiel of “YOU PERVERT!†for receiving a couple 
of hugs for being sociable, to which he returned as a good 
friend would do, his face had a meeting with the dirt. 
 
“Why me, God?†deadpanned Ranma into the ground.  â€œI just want 
one chance at a normal life.†
 
Ah, the joys of being heard. 
 
* * * (Heaven, Yggdrasil Building) * * * 
 
Kami-sama sat at his desk, reading the life file of Ranma 
Saotome.  How in the world this young man had survived, let 
alone stayed sane, was a mystery.  Rivals and enemies crawling 
out of the wood work, right next to the numerous fiancées. 
 
Yet, he always did what was right.  He couldn’t knowingly tell 

---

a lie, just saying what he perceived as the truth.  He almost 
never raised a fist in anger at a woman . . . well, nobody’s 
perfect.  But still he would press on, hoping against hope 
that things would work out, never losing faith. 
 
But apparently that faith was starting to waiver.  Not a good 
thing when the person in question could level the Tokyo 
Metroplex without trying. 
 
Taping the intercom switch, Kami-sama spoke, “Rind, I have a 
special assignment for Peorth.  Please have her come to my 
office.†
 
The response was immediate, “Yes sir.†
 
Since that task was done, Kami-sama picked up the phone at 
dialed the familiar phone number.  He didn’t have to wait long 
as the one he wanted to talk to answered the phone. 
 
“Hello?†inquired Urd, wondering who would interrupt her 
soaps. 
 
“Urd, I have a special assignment for you.  Be in my office in 
ten minutes.†
 
*click* 
 < br> Urd stared at the phone, wondering just what the assignment 
could be.  Shrugging it off as she’d find out later, she 
walked over to the television and vanished into it. 
 
* * * (Tendo residence, one week later) * * * 
 
Ranma was getting really fed up with being nice.  At least 
trying to be nice to a certain individual.  While the other 
‘fiancéesâ€& trade; had been behaving themselves for the past week, 
things had gotten worse between him and Akane.  She would snap 
at him on the smallest of things, like the time he looked at 
her crossed eyed after eating her cooking.  The Saotome foot 
in mouth disease was absent, as Ranma had started choking on 
the substance that was once food.  Akane had instantly smashed 
the table over his head, then punted him into the Koi pond. 
 
Foregoing the usual bath that followed such an event, Ranma 
changed into a spare set that she kept on the first floor for 
moods like this.  After glaring at Akane, yet staying quiet, 
Ranma decided to do something that she normally wouldn’t do.  
She plopped down in front of the television. 
 
Nabiki, who would normally watch the radiation box at this 
time, raised a surprised eyebrow at the actions of her 
supposed brother/sister-in-law.  This was something new to 
file away for future money-making opportunities.  That was 
what Nabiki thought until she caught the pain hiding in those 

---

eyes of Ranma.  Barely hidden pain.  Her heart started a long 
overdue process at that point.  The ice, that made the Ice 
Queen what she was, cracked ever so slightly. 
 
“Hey Ranma,†she started, her voice low to avoid detection by 
her sister, “you okay?†
 
“Just freaking peachy, Nabiki,†replied the redhead, her tone 
indicating the obvious.  Ranma dared to take her eyes off the 
television to look her in the eyes. 
 
“Ranma,†said the middle sister while looking her in the eyes, 
“if you ever need anybody to talk to, just come to me.  I have 
watched as you tried so hard to be nicer to everybody, but got 
a bad reaction from my sister.  I applaud you for trying, but 
even you shouldn’t have to put up with that type of crap.†
 
Neither noticed that the program on the television changed to 
something that makes men happy.  Well, most men who can 
appreciate the set of tanned legs that disappeared into a red 
mini.  The female noticed that her supposed audience wasn’t 
paying any attention, and decided to drop the dramatics.  
Sliding out of the television, she caught what was said next 
by Ranma. 
 
“That type of crap, Nabiki?†deadpanned the redhead, “I 
haven’t had a normal day in my life since I was born.  While I 
would wish for a normal life, I know it isn’t going to happen.  
The old fart has gotten me into more messes than I could shake 
a power pole at, gotten me engaged to Lord knows how many 
girls, gotten me cursed . . . to both this body and to your 
sister.†
 
Thinking the conversation over as Nabiki’s eyes flashed, 
indicating danger, Ranma started to turn around.  Only to be 
stopped by her verbal sparring partner. 
 
“Is it really that bad, Ranma?†came the subdued question 
after several moments of silence.  That question widened the 
crack in the ice into a gap, and the warmth got inside for the 
first time in nearly ten years.  Not waiting for an answer, 
Nabiki scooped Ranma into a hug that surprised both of them 
and their as yet unseen audience.  â€œI’m so sorry, Ranma.  If I 
had only known how much it would hurt you to have to put up 
with Akane, I would have never . . .†
 
“Whoa, whoa, whoa Nabiki.  This is something I have wanted to 
know since I got here.  Why did you and Kasumi pawn me off on 
Akane?†
 
â€&oel ig;Kasumi I can’t truly answer for,†was the answer, “But as for 
me . . . the curse spooked me at first.  If I had gotten to 
know you instead of just hiding behind my younger sister,†
here she paused to chuckle at how stupid that sounded, “then I 

---

wouldn’t have minded being your fiancée.†
 
Ranma, who hadn’t noticed that he was still in the arms of 
Nabiki, was touched by what Nabiki had said.  â€˜Finally, 
somebody that wants me to stick around!’ she thought, then 
hugged Nabiki even tighter.  Not quite a bear hug, but awfully 
close to it. 
 
Their audience, which had grown by three while the 
conversation was taking place, had varying reactions to the 
emotions being passed in front of them.  Two of the three 
watching felt that the twin souls combined in one body 
deserved what was about to be presented to them.  The third, 
well take a WILD guess . . . 
 
“RANMA YOU PERVERT!  GET OFF OF MY SISTER!† screamed Akane, 
while acquiring her chi-mallet.  Something new happened 
however when Nabiki shifted her position ever so slightly, 
thus moving Ranma out of harm’s way.  She took the full 
uppercut swing, crashed into the ceiling and crumpled to the 
floor. 
 
“THATâ ;€™S IT!†roared Ranma, battle aura flaring into life.  â€œI 
HAVE HAD ENOUGH OF YOUR SHIT, MS. TENDO!  YOU WANNA FIGHT, 
LET’S FIGHT!† With that said, she launched a roundhouse kick 
at Akane’s head, and connected.  Akane flew out the back door 
into the Koi pond, Ranma not far behind.  The two who had yet 
to be noticed checked on Nabiki, and verified that she was 
just unconscious.  After a quick healing program, just enough 
to prevent one hell of a headache, they ran outside to witness 
the battle. 
 
Akane didn’t know what to do now.  Ranma actually attacked 
her, just the way she had always wanted in the sparring 
sessions, and she was way too slow to dampen the blow.  She 
blanched when Ranma fired up a true and tested technique. 
 
“KACHU TESHIN AMAGURIKEN!†
 
Akane felt over a hundred blows land before they stopped, and 
she barely had time to see two strangers restraining Ranma 
from finishing her off.  Then the world went dark . . . 
 
---* * * 
 
Soun Tendo tried to deploy his demon head at Ranma, but that 
was instantly deflated by the three guests in the house.  More 
to the point, it was deflated by a katana, held by one of the 
guests.  Akane was in her room, still out from the brawl with 
Ranma.  Everybody knew that when she awoke, she would refuse 
to come out.  Ranma himself, once returned to being male, 
found the table very interesting.  He wouldn’t, or couldn’t, 
look at anybody since he had blown his top.  Nabiki, who was 
sporting one hell of a bruise and a mild headache, tried to 

---

console the boy.  She refused to give up on trying to be a 
better friend to Ranma, and had settled for holding onto his 
right hand.  Kasumi, who had witnessed the event from the 
point that the mallet appeared, was holding onto his left 
hand, effectively restraining him from moving.  She had seen 
the way Ranma’s eyes had flashed when somebody he cared for 
got hurt, and somehow knew that this debacle was not on his 
agenda for today. 
 
Nodoka had appeared on a random chance to find her son and 
husband, and had also witnessed the event.  While she was 
curious about the other two women in the house, she decided 
that waiting for the whole story of just what kind of torture 
that Ranma had to put up with had precedence.  Genma being 
himself was hiding in the nearest dark corner, eyeballing the 
katana and the wielder of the weapon. 
 
After five minutes of silence, Ranma dared to speak. 
 
“So much for my life,†he said into the table, barely heard by 
the others, “I guess it’s time that I left and became a ronin.  
Although death does sound good . . .† He trailed off at the 
end, mostly due to the gasps from around the table and the 
simultaneous squeezes on his hands. 
 
“No, Ranma,†said Nabiki, drawing the depressed boy’s 
attention, “You just reacted to what Akane has been doing to 
you ever since you got here.  I know I haven’t been the best 
person in the world, but even I never did anything like that 
to you.†
 
“Ranma, please don’t leave,†whispered Kasumi, “You’ve made my 
life interesting.  Before it was just so bland, and to even 
think of going back to that makes me want to give up on life.†
 
Now that got a reaction out of Ranma.  Instead of just looking 
partially in her direction like he had done to Nabiki, his 
head snapped up to stare her in the eyes when she had finished 
that declaration. 
 
“We might be able to help you, Ranma,†spoke the brunette that 
sat across from him for the first time.  Ranma looked at her 
like she was crazy, while the others had very skeptical looks 
on their faces.  This was literally one hell of a mess, just 
how could these two women with about the most bizarre taste in 
tattoos fix it was beyond them. 
 
“Ranma,†spoke the platinum haired woman, “My name is Urd, 
Goddess Type Two, Class One Limited.  I have been authorized 
by Kami-sama himself to grant you a wish.  Before you open 
your mouth and insert your foot, there are a few limitations 
that you should be aware of.  Number one, I cannot remove your 
curse or the curses of your . . . acquaintances.  Number two, 
I cannot grant death to you.  Both of these restrictions come 

---

from on high, so there’s obviously some hidden meaning as to 
why your life is the way it is.  Number three, and this is the 
most bizarre thing I have ever heard of, your fiancée mess is 
not fixable by divine intervention.  You must solve that on 
your own.†
 
“My name is Peorth,†spoke the brunette again, drawing all 
eyes onto herself, “Goddess Type One, Class Two Unlimited.  I 
am here for the same reason, Ranma.  I have been authorized to 
grant your female half a wish, with the same restrictions.  
But your male half must make a wish first, and that wish could 
affect the wish made by your female half.  Also, the spirit of 
the girl who drowned in that pool will surface for this wish, 
as you have dominate control of both bodies.  Please, take her 
advice no matter how bizarre to heart.†
 
“So I could just make this whole mess go away, just like 
that?†inquired Ranma, life beginning to return to his eyes 
for the first time in twenty minutes. 
 
“If it’s within the bounds of the restrictions, then yes, 
‘this mess’ would go away,†replied Urd, leaning onto her 
elbows so that her charms were displayed a little better.  
Ranma’s eyes dipped down once, twice, then settled back on her 
eyes.  â€˜So the dormant spirit is already giving him advice . . 
. or is it that he is just being nice?  Too hard to tell’ she 
thought as she gazed into Ranma’s eyes, watching the gears 
turn over the prospects and ideas of what was just presented 
to him. 
 
“Money?†asked Ranma, deciding that the best way to figure out 
what he could and couldn’t do was to just verbally throw out 
ideas.  Of course the mentioning of money piqued Nabiki’s 
interest in the whole deal.  If she had known then what she 
knew now, then being engaged to Ranma wouldn’t have been too 
much of a problem.  After all, she could easily deal with the 
other fiancées, just not in the physical way. 
 
“How does the matching value of the worlds money sound to 
you?†retorted Peorth, drawing Nabiki into a daydream of Ranma 
and literally swimming in cash. 
 
“Power?†countered Ranma, noticing and doing his best to 
ignore the fact that Nabiki was beginning to drool. 
 
“Bill Gates style of power,†replied Urd which instantly 
caused him to looked lost at that. 
 
“No, I meant power, as in master of all martial arts type of 
power,†he clarified. 
 
“If that is what you wish, then yes,†responded Peorth.  For 
the briefest of moments, she saw Ranma’s eyes flash in that 
way that screamed that the next words out of his mouth was NOT 

---

going to be a good thing.  Deciding that one debacle a month 
was good enough, she raised her hand to forestall the coming 
question.  â€œYes, you could have that too.  Don’t know how 
you’d do it without people knowing, but it is doable.†
 
“Then I know what to wish for,†declared Ranma, drawing all 
eyes onto himself.  Everything that produced sound stopped, 
including breathing.  Not one to beat around the bush, 
especially when his mind was made up, he continued, “I wish 
that I could be a master of all martial arts, with the 
matching value of the worlds money at my disposal, so that I 
may take care of those women that truly love me for the rest 
of our lives.†
 
Eyebrows went up everywhere, did Ranma just find a loophole in 
the wish restriction?  He had made just one wish, with 
subparts that made it whole.  So it would either be all or 
nothing here, as the pyrotechnic show that was Urd sent the 
wish to Yggdrasil for processing.  Once the show was over, not 
once disturbing a single item in the living room, her eyes got 
as big as saucers. 
 
“Wish granted,†she said, to the amazement of those present.  
Breathing resumed, and a few cheers went up.  Nodoka was on 
her knees in a flash, presenting the Saotome honor blade to 
her son, much to his bewilderment.  She made a mental note to 
look in on the bank accounts and trust funds that she had set 
up for Ranma all those years ago. 
 
Nabiki simply fainted, right next to Kasumi.  Those two would 
be out for a little bit, and missed what happened next. 
 
A bright light came in from the ceiling, surrounding Ranma.  
In less than a minute, Ranma had every martial arts style ever 
thought of, ever dreamed of, in his mind.  Once the knowledge 
was assimilated, Ranma knew it would take a while to practice 
them all.  After all, what good is knowledge of the act 
without the knowledge of application?  Besides, many of the 
new arts to him felt entirely confusing, since these were the 
arts of weapons that he had ignored due to his father’s . . . 
teaching method. 
 
Once Nabiki and Kasumi were awoken, from gentle shakes by 
Ranma, Peorth poured her glass of water on the boy, producing 
the girl and the other (better?) half of Ranma.  Everybody 
present, minus the catatonic Idiotic Duo could see the 
difference when the other spirit was in play.  She actually 
held herself like a woman, one that desperately needed a bra 
at least. 
 
“So, what is it that you wish for?†asked Peorth, who couldn’t 
see the internal debate going on in the mindscape of the 
shared body.  Once the debate was clearly over, the woman side 
of Ranma opened her mouth, only to close it again.  There was 

---

a look of concentration on her face, and then something new 
happened.  Ranma returned to being male without any hot water.  
He too went to open his mouth, only to find out what the 
problem was before he could say anything. 
 
“Pop!†he roared, bounding up from the table in the blink of 
an eye.  â€œYou have some ‘splain’ to do!†
 
“What now, boy?†demanded Genma, nervous that something else 
in his life was about to go horribly wrong. 
 
“When you dug that forsaken pit, did you find anything near 
the bottom?†growled Ranma, eyes flashing a dangerous shade of 
blue.  The Soul of Ice was in play, and on full display. 
 
“Just some metal fragments,†replied the rotund man, now 
totally lost, “I thought they were junk, so I left them down 
there as a way to toughen you up some more.†
 
“Toughen me up?!†raged his son, “You idiot!  It’s because of 
those shards that my life has been so chaotic!†
 
Urd and Peorth were upon the boy in a flash, running a 
detection program on the youth.  Once the program was 
complete, they locked eyes with each other and said something 
very un-Goddess like. 
 
“Ah shit.†
 
---* * * 
 
On the far side of the globe, two ancient weapons awoke from 
their slumber.  One weapon was much older than the other, 
having been corrupted over time by those that wielded it with 
lust for power in their souls.  The other, created up 
sacrifice, was the anti-thesis of the corrupted blade.  Both 
dug themselves out of five hundred plus years of dirt, and 
took off toward Japan. 
 
An immortal awoke shortly after the weapon he had sworn to 
protect took off from the bottomless chasm.  What was once a 
human male could sense what had awoken that weapon, and 
started it’s trek to the weapons destination after donning a 
set of crystalline armor. 
 
---* * * 
 
Ranma sat down, and let control return to the other spirit in 
their body.  He was too mad to deal with anything effectively, 
and the Goddesses where not saying what the problem could be.  
Only he and they knew at the moment, which might work out 
better for everybody. 
 
“What is it you wish for?†asked Peorth to the female Ranma 

---

after a splash of water.  She decided to embrace the chaos, if 
even a little.  Now knowing that subpart wishes were valid, 
she opened her mouth and spoke before what she knew was coming 
could arrive. 
 
“I wish for Ranma to have a full sex life, with those women he 
loves, plus love him, so that there is plenty of heirs to 
counteract the chaos coming.†
 
Now that was bizarre.  There was not an eyebrow in the room 
that was not raised, and everybody could swear that they could 
see an image of Ranma with his brows raised as well. 
 
“What brought that on?†wondered Nodoka, as she was the first 
to find her voice after such a weird wish. 
 
“The only way that Ranma will learn to appreciate women, to 
know that they are not weak, is to have . . . relations . . . 
with them,†replied the female soul, as she turned to glare at 
Genma.  â€œBecause of that old buffoon, Ranma is terrified of 
becoming close to any woman.  Genma drilled it into Ranma’s 
mind so much that women are weak, only good pregnant and 
barefoot, that he is afraid that if he did become involved 
with any of his fiancées, with the way he was trained, that 
this supposed ‘weakness’ would rub off on him.  Ranma has 
almost always felt that women would cramp his free life style, 
and the cause is that retarded father of his.†
 
Peorth sent the wish to Yggdrasil in a flash, sans the 
pyrotechnic show.  She got the answer just as instantly, 
turned to Ranma, and spoke two words.  â€œWish granted.†
 
No sooner had the words left her mouth that two new skylights 
were installed on the house.  All eyes turned towards what had 
made the sound, only to see two swords floating three feet 
away from Ranma.  Then what looked like a human eye opened, 
one on each sword.  The elegant sword, which looked closer to 
two halves of one with the center missing, took the left eye 
of Ranma.  The grotesque sword, which looked like half 
sword/half flesh that had a lot of dried blood on it, took 
Ranma’s right eye. 
 
“Soul Edge and Soul Calibur,†breathed Urd, since the 
legendary swords were in her domain of the past.  She turned 
to look at Ranma, and could see that she was frozen in place.  
The swords gaze was right into her eyes, and there was what 
looked like a telepathic conversation going on. 
 
Akane, forgetting why she was in her room for a minute, came 
flying down the stairs at the sound of commotion.  Just as she 
landed on the first floor after bypassing the stairs, she 
froze.  Ranma-chan looked different, and there were two swords 
locked in a staring contest with him . . . 
 

---

“I accept,†came from her mouth, startling everybody.  If the 
swords had mouths, they would have smiled at her before they 
came within a millimeter of each other, waiting for their 
chosen to complete the process.  After all, the one they 
talked to had an extra abundance of souls. 
 
It would be enough to do the job without having to go on a 
spree of massacre proportions. 
 
Ranma changed back to being male, again without hot water, and 
started to grasp at the hilt of the half and half, Soul Edge.  
Urd, not wanting a repeat of history spoke up. 
 
“Ranma, you know what that sword is?†she inquired, which had 
the desired effect of stopping his hand an inch from the hilt. 
 
“Yes I do, Urd,†he replied, never looking away from his goal, 
“Both swords have agreed to let me wield them, as the chaos in 
Soul Edge and the order in Soul Calibur would balance me.  
Those metal shards in that pit were pieces of the first Soul 
Edge.  That’s why my life attracts the maniacs.  But no more 
once these two swords balance my Yin and Yang.†
 
Everybody’s eyes narrowed and heads turned to glare at Genma 
once again.  It was at that moment that all the hopes and 
dreams he had for an early retirement, to freeload as much as 
he pleased, had just flown out the window.  Ranma, who was 
ignoring the whole thing, reached for Soul Edge and Soul 
Calibur at the same time.  Once he grasped both hilts, Edge in 
his right hand with Calibur in his left, everything went dark 
for the boy. 
 
To those watching, they could see Ranma get enveloped in a 
ball of light.  The ball swirled with two colors: blood red 
and halo yellow.  The colors looked to be in harmony with each 
other and the person inside.  Once the light show was over, 
they could see what appeared to be an unchanged Ranma, and 
only one sword laying next to him. 
 
“Isn’t that . . .?†started Nabiki, only to see that name of 
the sword etched into the hilt. 
 
“Kami-sama,†breathed Urd, “It can’t be!†
 
Kasumi leaned over, and examined the now complete sword.  She 
had quickly put two and two together, and figured out that the 
swords should have been one from the beginning, thus the 
reason for their auras.  She too read the very fitting name, 
and smiled.  All would be better in Ranma’s life . . . boy, 
was it getting warm in the house all of a sudden. 
 
Akane couldn’t believe it.  Ranma had wrecked the house again!  
Deciding it was time to punish him, one last time before her 
father made him leave, Akane produced her chi mallet. 

---

 
“Stop!â&e uro; panicked Peorth, noticing what the youngest Tendo was 
up to.  â€œHe has done something that we in the Heavens had 
hoped would happen for two millennia.  He joined the two Soul 
swords and created the weapon of myth.†
 
“What?â&eu ro; growled Akane, taking a real good look at the sword 
laying next to the Saotome honor blade.  The katana seemed to 
glow on its own . . . no, that must be a trick of the light.  
In fact, why was the honor blade here? 
 
“Akane Tendo,†spoke Nodoka through clenched teeth, “You have 
a lot of explaining to do.† She stood up from her place at 
the table, and walked over to where Akane was standing.  
“However, Ranma is now the clan head.  He had proven himself 
more than manly in my eyes.  You will have to deal with him 
when he calls for you.  For now, I suggest you return to your 
room.†
 
Akane lost control of her temper again. 
 
“Just why is he so damned special?!†she screamed, then 
charged up the stairs with disapproving gazes from her family 
following her. 
 
“He is special because he created the genuine article in that 
sword laying next to him,†spoke Nodoka to the others present 
in the room.  Then she spotted Genma trying his best to hide 
in a corner. 
 
“Genma, I suggest you get out of his life now,†spoke Soun, 
surprising everybody present with the sudden show of spine, “I 
do believe that he will be extremely angry with you.  And I 
know the legend of Soul Edge . . . the sword would devour 
souls of those killed with it, and it fed the person wielding 
it techniques that were unstoppable.  That would explain why 
he would soak up martial arts like a sponge . . .†
 
He trailed off when a groan came from the floor.  Nabiki and 
Kasumi were back by his sides in an instant, while Genma slid 
out the back door.  Ranma groaned again, then sat up in a 
rush, colliding heads with the two girls floating over him. 
 
“OUCH!†shouted all three at once, then they paused, looked at 
each other and started laughing.  Ranma placed his hands down 
to brace himself, and he felt the sword hilts.  One, the 
Saotome honor blade.  The other . . . 
 
“No fucking way,†slipped out of his mouth as he read the name 
on the hilt.  The sword in his hands was supposed to be 
nothing more than a myth.  But here it was, in his left hand.  
He blushed at his verbal slip-up, then went back to staring at 
the latest addition to his arsenal. 
 

---

“Ranma,†spoke Urd.  Peorth had already returned to the 
heavens, “Your life is yours to lead.  But heed the warnings 
of the Heavens:  Abuse that sword and we will take it from 
you, with force.†
 
“Urd,â&eu ro; responded Ranma, “Fear not what I or the sword will do.  
Fear what the forces of chaos will do when they learn that 
this sword walks the Earth again.†
 
She had to nod at that, and her gaze softened.  â€œRanma, if you 
need anything, just chant my name next to a television and 
I’ll appear.  Until we meet again.†
 
With that, Urd vanished into the TV. 
 
Ranma stood up, with Nabiki and Kasumi hanging off his arms.  
He could tell that the combined wishes of two different souls 
was starting to take effect.  These two he didn’t mind, after 
all they were closer to normal than their younger sister. 
 
“Let’s go out for dinner,†stated Ranma to the others, “How 
does Ucchans sound to you?†
 
“You buying?†asked Soun, a slight smile on his face. 
 
“Why yes, I am.  Just one second and I’ll be ready,†answered 
Ranma, the mirth of the joke not lost on him for once.  His 
picked up the sword, twirled it a couple of times then 
attached it to a magnetic half-scabbard that had appeared on 
his back.  Turned out to be a good thing, the sword was almost 
six feet long by two wide, like a broadsword. 
 
The most unnerving thing was the pair of eyes, until they 
closed and blended in with the sword. 
 
---* * * 
 
Ukyo Kuonji was surprised when Ranma walked in the door with 
Nabiki and Kasumi hanging off of either arm, followed by 
Nodoka and Soun.  She felt that bit of jealousy, then realized 
that it had melted almost instantly.  You guessed it, another 
effect of the wish. 
 
“Ucchan, a round of specials for everybody,†declared Ranma, 
who produced two hundred thousand yen (seventeen hundred 
thirty-two dollars) from nowhere.  As she put the cash away, 
she finally saw the sword attached to his back.  From across 
the room she could read the name on the hilt, which nearly 
resulted in the entire grill/bar to be a giant Okonomiyaki.  
She watched as he sat down between the sisters Tendo, at the 
head of the table.  â€˜Whoa, since when did Ranma get to be the 
head?  Must be that sword . . .’ she thought as she cooked 
dinner for her guests/paying handsomely customers.  She would 
catch the briefest snippets of conversation, and it sounded 

---

like Ranma no longer had a worry in the world.  Her ever 
faithful ninja Konastu appeared, and whispered in her ear. 
 
“The chaos aura is now under control,†spoke the quasi-
waitress, then he drifted away to check on the customers.  
Ukyo smiled at that, Ranma was now in more control of his life 
than he had ever been before.  As the last of the food 
finished cooking, she personally took it over to Ranma and his 
party. 
 
Subtly suddenly left the restaurant with the appearance of the 
Eternal Wanderer. 
 
“RANMA, PREAPRE TO DIE!†shouted Ryoga, who had not noticed 
the sword attached to Ranma’s back.  That was, until a flick 
of the wrist later and Ryoga stopped his attack due to being a 
millimeter away from impaling his neck on the blade of . . . 
NO!  Common sense left his brain entirely at this and the 
words that would attract even more chaos were spoken. 
 
“Since when did you get your hands on Excalibur?!†demanded 
Ryoga, drawing all eyes and ears onto Ranma Saotome. 
 
“Since he joined the Soul swords,†spoke a voice from the 
door.  The voice belonged to not a man, nor a woman.  It was 
so utterly demonic that the other patrons couldn’t even flee 
as they trembled in fear. 
 
“Tremble in my darkness!†roared the hollow azure armor.  The 
right arm looked like it belonged to one of the creatures from 
Alien while the left held an exact duplicate of Soul Edge with 
no effort.  Not waiting any longer it charged Ranma sensing 
that this is where Soul Edge had gone.  It could detect the 
faint hint of it being in contact with the boy. 
 
“Not in here!†returned Ranma, drawing the blade of legend 
from Ryoga’s neck.  The sword, formerly known as either Soul 
Edge or Soul Calibur, sent the best way to send the beast back 
out the same door it had come in, while producing maximum 
damage.  Ranma agreed, and he could almost feel the sword’s 
anticipation of a meal. 
 
Charging forward at what he considered to be a normal pace, 
Ranma delivered a powerful straight jab to the beast’s chest.  
The desired effect was achieved when the creature went flying 
out the front door to Ucchans, into the street. 
 
“Very good, human,†it spoke once he had followed it outside, 
“But nobody can stop Nightmare.  That sword belongs to me.  
You will surrender it or die.†
 
“This is a first,†groused Ranma, “An opponent who gives me a 
choice.  But I choose option number three, to kick yer ass!†
 

---

Nightmare paused for a split second.  This mere human, 
responding to its challenge, was not backing down.  Oh, did 
that bring back memories.  After a brief staring contest, 
Nightmare took up a ready position. 
 
“So be it, human.  My blade will feast on your soul.†
 
“Bring it!†retorted Ranma, taking a ready stance that the 
sword hinted would get whatever passed for blood in Nightmare 
boiling.  He was ready for any assault, and noticed that the 
people of the area had long since vacated.  Everybody was no 
less than three hundred yards away, and that included his 
friends and would be suitors.  Although why Nabiki had a 
camcorder out he would probably not like to know. 
 
Nightmare growled.  How dare this worm take up the stance of 
his most hated enemy!?  With that, the battle was joined and 
mass destruction commenced. 
 
“SOULS, GIVE ME STRENGTH!†roared the beast, right claw in the 
air.  Ranma could tell that this was some type of power boost, 
and he wouldn’t let it finish.  He charged into the beast’s 
personal space, and delivered a vertical up-down slash combo 
with his sword, followed with an axe kick to the head.  
Nightmare stumbled backward, but didn’t fall down.  It 
attacked with a straight thrust of its’ broadsword, and just 
barely tagged Ranma.  He returned the attack with a leg sweep, 
and a downward thrust of his sword after the beast had gone 
down.  But Nightmare was faster than it looked, and rolled out 
of the way of the attempt to stab clean through it.  Ranma 
backed off, and got another idea from the sword.  It was 
fairly weak, but it would infuriate Nightmare to no end.  He 
went into a sword jab/punch to the head combo, much like a 
former wielder of the blade had done. 
 
“IMPUTENT HUMAN!†seethed Nightmare as Ranma twirled the sword 
and reattached it to his back.  The people watching gasped as 
the weapon’s eyes blinked a couple of times in obvious 
surprise, then closed to let its new master finish the fight 
the best way he knew how. 
 
The spectators scattered when Ranma started that oh so 
familiar spiral pattern.  Nightmare was getting frustrated, 
which turned into anger at his inability to hit his target.  
Just as the immortal thought his target was within reach, a 
hurricane started up from nowhere. 
 
“HIRYU SHOTEN HA!†shouted Ranma, right fist raised in a punch 
follow-through.  He watched with satisfaction as the target of 
the punch went flying high into the sky.  The smirk that he 
wasn’t even aware of on his face faded when the enemy landed. 
 
“Is that the best you can do?†asked Nightmare, with a new 
respect for his foe.  Yes, that had hurt, but it was not 

---

enough to finish the self-appointed guardian of Soul Edge. 
 
“Not really,†answered Ranma while trying to figure out just 
what the hell to do now.  That was one of the best techniques 
in his arsenal, and it had not finished the enemy off.  The 
respect of an opponent who could take punishment and dish out 
more went up a few notches. 
 
THUD! 
 
Sil ence reigned supreme, as nobody could believe that 
Nightmare had fainted.  Apparently that last attack was enough 
to finish the quasi-human, but it just took a while for the 
effects to catch up to it.  Once Ranma was sure the reformed 
demon was out for the count and not wanting another round, he 
and his entourage turned to leave. 
 
“MY RESTURANT!†exclaimed Ukyo, which stopped the newly found 
swordsman.  Turning to look at the damage that he had hoped to 
avoid, Ranma himself nearly had a coronary. 
 
The entire build had collapsed on itself, and the cause was a 
power attack from the beast that was . . . 
 
“Where’d he go?!†demanded Nabiki, whose keen sense of 
observation noted that the unconscious beast was not where 
they had left it.  This caused a panic in the crowd that was 
watching the event, as not one person had seen the monster get 
up and walk away.  Nor had anybody come in with a stretcher 
and removed it.  Nightmare, the self-proclaimed guardian of 
Soul Edge, had just dropped off the face of the Earth. 
 
“Forget that,†growled Ukyo, “Just where the hell am I going 
to sleep?!†
 
---(Tendo Residence)--- 
 
Everybody was in for a surprise when they got back to the 
dojo.  Or rather, those that had returned to the dojo.  Seemed 
Nodoka wanted a word with Soun in private, and thus took him 
to her house.  This left Kasumi, Nabiki, Ranma and Ukyo all 
alone. 
 
Where was Akane?  She was up in her room, plotting revenge on 
Ranma for some offense that the boy had yet to commit.  That, 
and that sword terrified her to no end. 
 
But the biggest surprise for them was who was waiting for 
their arrival.  Cologne, Shampoo and Mousse were camped at the 
table, waiting for their ‘hosts’ to return.  And even they 
weren’t alone, as the two Goddesses from before were on the 
other side, with guests of their own. 
 
“NIHAO!†cheerfully exclaimed Shampoo, bouncing in place to 

---

get Ranma’s attention.  She didn’t go for the glomp because of 
the way that the girls with Ranma shifted him to the rear 
flank, much to his chagrin.  Shampoo was most DEFINITELY a 
result of the Ranma ‘attract-violent-girl’ syndrome , and he 
knew it.  Of course, if he hadn’t fought her, then he wouldn’t 
have to deal with the breast . . . bubbly person now seated at 
the table.  Cologne, who had already whapped Mousse to keep 
him quiet, was enjoying tea that one of the Goddesses guests 
brought out from the kitchen. 
 
“Shampoo,†greeted Ranma, wary of any traps, “Mousse.  Old 
Ghoul.†
 
THWIP!  ZIP!  THUD-KERCLANK-BOING! 
 
Ah, good.  So far, situation normal as Cologne tried to whap 
Ranma on the head for the Old Ghoul comment, but quickly found 
that he had picked up a new trick . . . and a new toy . . . 
since the last time she spoke to him, which was all of two 
days ago.  Her staff, pogo stick and attitude adjuster was now 
stuck in the wall behind her, buried over three quarters of 
the way in.  She eyed the weapon held in his hand, and for the 
first time in two hundred seventy-nine years was shocked 
beyond belief. 
 
“That weapon,†she mumbled after noting the name, then found 
her voice again, “Where did you get that sword from?†
 
“Itâ €™s a gift,†Ranma replied, “A very divine gift.† It was 
close enough to the truth that he didn’t feel bad about lying 
. . . at least, not too much.  No need to tip his hand to the 
mummified remains of a human being in front of him. 
 
“There are many legends in the village about that sword,†said 
Cologne, getting close enough to look for flaws that would 
denote the weapon as a fake.  â€œThis is not the English 
Excalibur.  That one was truly just a sword, wielded by the 
best of the best.  The weapon you hold was thought to have 
been lost a millennia before the rein of King Arthur and his 
Knights.†
 
â€& oelig;Ah, good,†commented one of the visitors, “Then the English 
will be happy that their Monarchy will remain intact.†
 
“Where are my manners?†chimed in Kasumi, drawing the 
conversation away from Ranma and the latest addition to his 
arsenal.  â€œCologne, Shampoo, Mousse I’d like you to meet Urd, 
Peorth and . . .†here she trailed off, drawing a blank about 
the other two ‘people’ with them.  Urd caught the implied 
question in a heartbeat, and continued from where Kasumi left 
off. 
 
“This is my sister Belldandy,†she said while gesturing to her 
right, “And the one to my left is my mother, Hild.†

---

 
Shampoo and Ukyo eyed the newcomers wearily.  They were all 
highly attractive, sweet personalities (WAIT FOR IT), and . . 
. 
 
“Thatâ€& trade;s Hild, Queen of Hell!†exclaimed the near perfect 
duplicate of Urd, sans the facial tattoo differences.  Oh, and 
the attitude did seem a little different as Hild went to roast 
her wayward daughter only to have her spell fizzle and die. 
 
“Uh-uh-uh,†chided Ranma, wagging his finger side to side, 
“Not inside the house please.  I cause enough damage around 
here as it is.† Internally though, he was screaming at 
himself, ‘Just how the hell did I do that?!’ 
 
The respect level for the boy went up a few notches, or in a 
couple of cases a few dozen notches, at the application of 
something rare for him: the use of brain-power.  Of course, it 
didn’t hurt that he had basically told the A-1 most powerful 
demon that she was DENIED. 
 
The only side effect of this was that the females present 
minus Cologne, who was twitching on the floor, swooned.  Now 
Ranma panicked. 
 
“Quit lookin’ at me like that!†he shouted, jumping out the 
back door.  The fact that the door was closed was lost in his 
rush to vacate the house full of females looking for the world 
like they found ‘the one’.  Reapplying the previous brain 
power backfired this time though, as Ranma broke out the 
colorful metaphors. 
 
“Jesus Christ, what the hell am I?!†he loudly complained, “A 
side of fucking beef or some type of goddamned game trophy?!†
 
Eureka, instant mood change.  Even from their new positions on 
the floor, Ranma could tell that he’d said a bit too much.  Or 
it could have been that it was phrased wrong.  He didn’t have 
time to think about it as the current occupants of the house 
jumped up, and charged the now stunned boy. 
 
“Aw crap, whatdoIdo whatdoIdo?!†screeched a now female Ranma 
after tripping while backpedaling and falling into the Koi 
pond.  Apologizing seemed out of the question at the moment as 
Mousse supplied the eight women with weapons.  Cologne needed 
no weapon as she retrieved her pogo stick from the wall.  
Deciding that it might have a better potential for success, 
Ranma made a break for the compound wall. 
 
Or rather, she would have if Kodachi hadn’t decided that right 
now was a perfect time for a visit.  Ranma collided with the 
gymnast, and both fell to the ground with a resounding thud.  
She was on her feet in a flash, running away from Kodachi when 
the outer wall to the compound exploded, revealing the Eternal 

---

Wanderer.  And of course, whenever Chaos attacks, it attacks 
in trios.  Guess who else has just arrived. 
 
“I SHALL SMITE THEE!†
 
“Great,â&e uro; grumbled Ranma, “Not only do I have the retards Kuno, 
I have bacon breath showing up at the same time.  All right, 
let’s dance.†
 
In the five seconds it took from the wall exploding to Ranma 
cursing the opponents in front of him, the curse change 
happened again.  Now back to being male, Ranma became set to 
attack these wonderful intruders when he remembered that the 
entire house, sans the sisters Tendo and Belldandy (based on 
appearances) was full of fighters.  Fighters that wanted to 
stay on his good side now. 
 
CHINK-A-CHINK-A-CHINK 
 
That would be the chains coming from Mousse.  Oh look, there 
goes a bon-bori.  Chaos reigned supreme, especially when the 
absolute last person wanted around a house of females 
appeared, if only to get clonked upside the head by a duck 
shaped bedpan. 
 
“SWEET-OOF!â€&nb sp;
 
“Stop picking on poor Ryoga!†shouted Akane as she came out of 
the house with a flying kick aimed at Ranma’s head.  Of 
course, she whiffed as Ranma leaned to the right.  Akane ended 
up knocking Ryoga over, as gravity had taken hold and lowered 
her trajectory.  He lay on the ground, grasping the family 
jewels, groaning in pain. 
 
That was a low blow, even if unintentional.  The fight paused 
for all of five seconds for the obligatory “Ooh, that’s gotta 
hurtâ€, then resumed with a vengeance.  As in, Kasumi wielding 
a frying pan and Nabiki flinging around a folding chair 
vengeance. 
 
Yes, free-for-all. 
 
Ranma decided to take on the most dangerous of the opponents 
in the form of Happosai.  Ukyo and Shampoo squared off against 
Kodachi and Tatewaki.  The goddesses step back to watch, and 
perhaps heal those that needed it.  Hild, however, was glaring 
daggers at Happi, and only restrained herself by not wanting 
the wrath of Ranma.  Ryoga decided that it would be in his 
best interest to stay out of this one, at least for now.  
Although, Mousse was ready with a few dozen bedpans in the 
event that Ryoga got out of line. 
 
The biggest surprise was that Kasumi and Nabiki were double 
teaming Akane.  The reason as to WHY the most docile person 

---

and the reforming mercenary were involved became apparent when 
an heirloom of their mother, the very last one to have 
survived so long without injury, came loose from its mount on 
the wall when Akane whiffed with what she thought was a 
surprise punch.  She had tagged the wall, the vibrations went 
all around the house, and the resulting crash-crink-clink of 
broken glass led to this latest development.  The combatants 
all stared each other down, waiting for some signal to begin 
the melee.  As the neighbors fled, somebody shouted. 
 
Insert voice from Mortal Kombat: “FIGHT!†
 
Where that came from is unimportant.  What is important is 
that acted as the starting signal, and the riot commenced.  
Objects and bodies flew through the air with the greatest of 
ease, some even clearing the wall and hitting civilians.  
Ranma was taking his fight seriously, mostly due to being 
extremely enraged at Happi as he openly attempted a rebound 
glomp of Urd, Peorth, Nabiki, Belldandy, Hild, Shampoo, 
Kasumi, Ukyo, Kodachi (she does have a nice rack), Akane back 
to Urd.  In that order.  Attempted as in foiled every time he 
tried to get it going, by either one of the targets, sending 
him back to Ranma, or by the boy himself.  Akane was on the 
defensive from her sisters, not wanting to hurt family but 
still be the BEST Tendo fighter around.  Kasumi’s frying pan 
of doom proved her wrong with a bonk to the shoulder, sending 
the youngest sister to the ground in immense pain. 
 
We now pull back from the riot in progress to breathe some 
fresh air.  The dust from the fight could be seen for blocks, 
and the occasional lightning bolt could be seen for miles.  
The property damage was intense, as entire blocks worth of 
houses crumbled from shockwaves, flying debris, flying bodies, 
and the mindlessness that surrounded Ranma. 
 
While most of the Nerima ward ran for their lives, a few 
people were running into the fray.  Soun and Nodoka came from 
the Saotome home as soon as the news on the television showed 
what appeared to be the long awaited nuclear meltdown at the 
Tendo residence.  The police, JSSDF, and United Nations troops 
were maintaining their distance, not wanting to break out the 
machines of war unless the riot spread.  And spread it 
appeared to do when another riot spontaneously sprung up in 
the Juuban ward.  The people there fled, and joined those 
fleeing from Nerima.  The resulting rush of people funneled 
into downtown Tokyo, causing havoc with the evening rush hour. 
 
Just another day in the life of Ranma Saotome. 
 
The fight drew more attention than just that of the locals.  
Just after the melee started, a minute tear in the space-time 
continuum opened up, making a nifty deposit of several people.  
Right on top of a fully recovered Siegfried. 
 

---

“Foo ls,†he grumbled, forcing the impromptu dog-pile off of 
him by standing up.  Those that had dropped in for a nice 
visit nearly had a coronary when they saw who was speaking to 
them.  Although, a trip like that through time and space does 
make it hard to do much of anything. 
 
“You,†g roaned out one of four females sprawled out on the 
ground.  The others were apparently to paralyzed with fear to 
do much of anything other than stare at the once-human. 
 
“Yes, me,†responded the man formerly known as Nightmare, 
earning confused looks all around, “What?  Do I have something 
on my face?†
 
“If it wasn’t for the fact that it was you,†replied one of 
the three males, “I could’ve sworn that was a joke.†
 
“It was,†was the deadpanned answer, “You know, five hundred 
years can change even somebody as bull headed as myself.†
 
“What are you talking about?†demanded the second of four 
females, now able to stand.  â€œFive hundred years my ass.  
Prove it.†
 
“Okay Cassandra.  Look outside.†
 
It wasn’t just the recently identified Cassandra Alexandra 
that looked outside, the entire group did.  Only to see a 
massive dust cloud off in the distance, machines of war 
rumbling about, people running in circles in abject fear. 
 
“Looks like your handy work,†quipped another of the males, 
this one carrying a staff. 
 
“No it is not,†evenly retorted Siegfried, “This is the work 
of the man that fused the Soul swords.  Pay attention to the 
chaos signatures Kilik, and LEARN.†
 
“Wait a minute,†chimed in the next to last female, who was 
wearing an almost illegal mini-skirt.  â€œThe Soul swords were 
FUSED?!  How?!†
 
“Xianghua, †flatly said the man in armor that resembled ice, 
“You will probably get a chance to meet the mortal that fused 
the swords into one.  Right now I want to know just why you 
people are here.†
 
“Psh,â&eur o; snorted Mr. Nunchaku himself, Maxi.  â€œLike I am 
supposed to know why we were launched this far into the 
future.  It could be the sword summoning us, or it could be 
that some higher being is doing this for a lark.†
 
“Then how about we stop standing around here and go there,†
spoke the Sword-Whip dominatrix known as Ivy.  She made for 

---

the door, quickly followed by everybody else.  Siegfried 
stayed quiet about the wielder of the Soul swords, some deep 
instinct telling him that this was more likely a test, to see 
if they were worthy enough to be in the presence of the young 
man who had accomplished such a feat. 
 
Back to the main matter at hand, the quickly dying fight at 
the Tendo Dojo . . . 
 
Quickly dying as in quite a few of the combatants were down.  
Some were simply too injured to fight, while others just 
plainly had the shit beat out of them.  All three Tendo 
sisters were sporting bruises and minor cuts, the will to 
fight and the anger that drove the will completely spent.  The 
Kuno siblings were both out for the count after a mid-air 
collision when Ukyo launched Kodachi with an over the shoulder 
Okonomiyaki toss, and Shampoo punted Tatewaki.  Ryoga was 
sitting on the sidelines, an icepack applied to a now very 
tender area of his body.  Mousse had lost his seventh pair of 
glasses while running interference on Happosai, trying to keep 
the Uber-Pervert from getting anywhere near the women.  
Shortly after losing his glasses did he impact one of two 
trees still standing in the backyard, laying him out. 
 
Cologne wasn’t as lucky as the others mentioned so far.  She 
had smothered a wayward Happo Fire Burst, taking the effects 
of it full on at point blank range.  Shampoo knelt next to 
her, crying and wiping the blood from her eyes courtesy of a 
cut on the forehead from Mr. Insane Kendoist. 
 
Ukyo lay exhausted on the remains of the grass, every muscle 
protesting the extreme over-usage.  She could hear the one 
fight that was still ongoing, and how each combatant was 
wearing thin on energy reserves. 
 
The Goddesses and sole Demon, once properly PERSUADED, began 
the task of healing those they could while preventing any 
attempts at escape.  Even though they defended themselves, 
they all knew that Kami-sama would not be pleased in the 
slightest if they interfered in the fight. 
 
Ranma and Happi were still going, albeit very slowly.  The chi 
and ki attacks were long abandoned in favor of the physical to 
preserve what little bit they had left.  All those foiled 
attempts at glomping paid off dividends because it prevented 
Happosai from recharging while fighting.  Being that this was 
a duel between martial artists, Ranma was avoiding using 
either the sword or the katana that he carried.  At least, 
until all other options were totally exhausted.  Which was 
upon the boy.  Not having had the time to practice the new 
styles and moves granted in his wish was turning out to be a 
bad thing, since those moves would be new and unexpected.  But 
Ranma just didn’t have the time to properly integrate them 
into the Anything Goes Style, and thus were useless at the 

---

moment. 
 
“Give up boy,†panted Happosai during a small mutual break for 
air, “You’re still not good enough to defeat me, even if you 
used your weapons.†
 
“Shut up and fight,†retorted a partially recovered Ranma, 
beginning their dance yet again.  Neither had noticed the 
growing spectators, from a new batch of people camped up on 
the remaining wall to those that were recovering from such a 
fierce battle.  Those that truly knew Ranma were surprised 
when he broke out the broadsword, engraved with the Excalibur 
name.  Happi had to do a double take, and those up on the wall 
had a hard time remaining silent at the appearance of such a 
mythological weapon. 
 
“How disappointing,†remarked Happosai, “that you would resort 
to using a weapon.  We both know that you are better than that 
Ranma.†
 
â€& oelig;If it were anybody else, I wouldn’t even consider it,†
replied Ranma smoothly to the accusation.  â€œBut we also know 
that this fight, this battle cannot end in a stalemate.  It is 
either you, or I that will win this.†
 
Uh oh.  Proper grammar from Ranma?  Again those that knew 
Ranma reacted, by moving farther away out of the line of fire.  
This was a fight to the death, a rare duel to be witnessed by 
a select few.  Legends, songs and operas would spring forth 
from this clash of the Titans, oh what a glorious day! 
 
Bah, too much Klingon Blood Wine . . . 
 
Ranma twisted his wrist, presenting Happosai with the flat of 
the blade.  And thus, Happi promptly ruined his shorts when 
the eyes on the sword opened, daring the pint-sized pervert to 
attack.  Ranma smirked at the reaction he got from Happosai as 
the sword engaged the master of the Anything Goes School in a 
staring contest. 
 
The really cool fight music from Shadow Hearts Covenant (boss 
fight type, Techno, disk two) fired up as Ranma and Happi 
clashed.  Ranma, using the half-organic Excalibur, versus 
Happosai, using his trusty pipe. 
 
Oh boy was that ever a mismatch.  Well considering Happi’s 
size, that pipe of his was larger than a dagger for a person 
of a . . . taller state.  Although, being locked in a staring 
contest with a sword ranked about a nine point eight-three on 
the weird-shit-o-meter.  This was Nerima after all, it took 
something even MORE extreme than an obviously sentient half-
organic sword to make a full ten. 
 
By some unseen signal, the two became a blur of motion.  

---

Sparks, skin and cloth flew through the air as fight 
progressed.  The two remaining trees were turned into 
toothpicks by the air pressure alone, and the spectators were 
driven back as the wall collapsed.  The fight spilled into the 
streets, people screamed, civilians got hurt.  Ranma’s 
followers and general wanting to stay on his good side people 
became triage nurses, doctors, and crowd control.  The people 
that had yet to be noticed by the natives were doing their 
best to blend into the shadows, observing the fight. 
 
Speaking of, let’s try to see past the dust, debris, and 
occasional flying bra. 
 
Ranma was on the defensive, using the oversized organic 
broadsword to deflect that damned pipe of Happosai.  Between 
attempts at pressure points, Happi had produced water balloons 
and the infamous bra for his female half.  So the boy, no 
young man, was using the flat of the blade as a bat, flinging 
the water and feminine undergarments back at the old fart, 
while using the meat slicer to attempt to chop the pipe in 
half.  Using the Soul of Ice was proving to be a good thing 
right now as Happi was quickly losing his temper.  Being 
thwarted continuously at the pressure point attacks, as well 
as having to dodge his own projectiles, was quickly eating 
away at the Ki Vampire’s patience.  When Ranma saw his 
opening, he attacked with an up-down-left slashing combo, that 
succeeded in at least disarming the ancient pervert. 
 
Then there was a forced pause as what looked like a trapped 
spirit, nay, SPIRITS, started screaming for help.  Both were 
female, and apparently had taken on Happi sometime in the 
past.  When they lost, well . . . the old fart got to enjoy 
their company, whether they liked it or not. 
 
“What the hell old man?†demanded Ranma, who was transfixed by 
the redhead that was cursing Happosai in fluent German.  Of 
course, the brunette that was swearing death to the old man in 
Italian couldn’t be ignored either. 
 
“Now look at what you did,†accused Happi, in the oh-so 
familiar attempt of his to shift blame for something onto 
somebody else.  â€œThese two had been content to be quiet and 
not make a fuss.  Then you go and get them riled up for no 
good reason.†
 
“LET US OUT OF HERE!†demanded the German, making her and her 
friend’s stance on the issue quite clear. 
 
“I will take your head off for whatever you did to them, 
Happosai,†deadpanned Ranma, turning the blade to a horizontal 
slash, slicing Happi across his chest. 
 
Now then, anybody who knows about sentient swords that eats 
souls could predict what should have happened.  Instead of 

---

devouring Happosai’s soul, however, the sword did pick 
something up for one of the two trapped inside the perverted 
martial artist’s aura.  It sent the information to Ranma’s 
brain, which then in turn processed it five minutes later. 
 
“They are ALIVE?!†shouted the pig-tailed youth, twirling the 
broadsword and attaching it to his back.  Of course, he only 
did this to break out the Saotome Honor blade.  What Happi 
didn’t know was that some knowledge of a long forgotten sword 
art had been absorbed by the demon half of the blade 
Excalibur, and passed into its wielder. 
 
With a cry of “Geuschbenst!â€, the Saotome Blade seemed to glow 
with power before Ranma blurred into motion.  Those that could 
follow counted a twenty-four hit attack, with the finisher 
being a knock-up move.  When the last four hits rained upon 
Happi, those present could hear Ranma say, “Now . . . DIE!â€, 
in stereo. 
 
Happi flew through the air with the greatest of ease, only to 
land very hard on the pavement twenty feet away from where the 
surprise attack began.  He tried to get up, but found that he 
was in a world of pain.  Bleeding from twenty-four different 
slashes on his body, Happi knew that he was on the verge of 
defeat.  But that would mean that the two souls, complete with 
bodies locked in a kind of temporal stasis, would be free.  
Oh, how the desire he felt from both women towards his onetime 
best pupil fueled his desire to fight. 
 
“Let’s finish this!†shouted Ranma, fully recharged for a 
physical and ki fight.  Seeing those two souls begging for 
release had done something that only Saffron and Herb had 
accomplished . . . the boy was ANGRY.  The Soul of Ice 
reversed into the Soul of Fire, melting the pavement under 
Ranma.  Happosai realized he was in deep shit when Ranma had 
sheathed the Saotome blade, and took an offensive stance. 
 
“Finish it we shall, and your female half will be MINE!†
retorted Happi, flaring his aura to maximum power.  That was 
about as far as he got since Ranma was instantly invading his 
personal space, delivering thousands of blows with the 
Chestnut Fist.  Happosai partially countered the attack, 
receiving medium damage.  He was not prepared, however, when 
Ranma finished the attack he dropped an elbow onto the middle 
of Happi’s head.  The blow knocked something loose from inside 
of the ancient martial artist’s gi, and Ranma scooped it up 
before the old bag of bones could notice it. 
 
Deciding that the item’s examination could wait until after 
the fight, Ranma figured out the only way to finish this fight 
was to violate his personal honor.  Accessing the Yami-Sen-
Ken, he charged at the Master of Anything Goes intending to 
separate his head from the rest of his body. 
 

---

“NO!†shouted nearly everybody present, minus those in the 
shadows.  They could see that Happi was on the verge of 
yielding, and that there would be no reason for such a 
finisher move.  Too bad that Ranma was beyond rage at Happosai 
for his transgressions over time.  The two apparent souls 
trapped inside of his aura, the demise of Cologne (who Ranma 
was just starting to truly respect), the constant fondling of 
his female half and other women, the panty raids across 
Nerima.  It had to end and it had to end NOW. 
 
“Happosai, PREPARE TO DIE!†roared Ranma, his aura exploding 
outward igniting everything flammable within a fifty yard 
radius.  The adept Ki and Chi users could only tremble in fear 
at the power the boy possessed, as he casually flicked his 
wrist to the side, decapitating the vertically challenged 
Master. 
 
Silence reigned  ;supreme for only a brief moment, then there 
was an explosion as the remains of Happosai’s body could no 
longer contain the vast amounts of ki that he had accumulated 
over three hundred years of life.  Windows for miles were 
shattered by the backlash of power being released, Ranma went 
sailing through the air, and the observers of the death match 
were knocked down.  When the dust cleared, it looked like a 
small nuclear weapon had been detonated in the middle of the 
street.  In the crater that went down thirty feet below ground 
lay two bodies, miraculously unscathed. 
 
“Gimmie a hand here!†shouted Mousse as he slid down the slope 
of the crater.  The rest of the Wrecking Crew followed suit, 
taking notice of the two people laying at what had been ground 
zero.  Ranma himself appeared from nowhere, literally flying 
towards the two females laying unconscious to make sure only 
his intended target had gotten hurt. 
 
Tensions ran high within the NWC, as they didn’t know what 
kind of mindset that Ranma was in.  From appearances alone, he 
appeared to have calmed down significantly.  But as with 
everything within Nerima, judging by appearances alone was the 
equivalent of the saying:  Assumption is the mother of all 
fuck ups. 
 
“They’re alive,†said Ranma, carefully picking up the redhead.  
He was no doctor, even though having been on the road for ten 
years, he knew that internal injuries were not immediately 
known.  The others in the crater, the sisters Tendo sans 
Akane, Ukyo, Shampoo, Mousse, the Goddesses, the Demon, and 
Soun formed a human rope out of the crater.  Mousse had just 
as carefully picked up the brunette, and was also helped out 
by the human rope.  Once everybody was back up top, they 
traveled the eight blocks back towards were the dojo had been. 
 
“What the?!†queried Ranma, noticing that other than the 
perimeter wall being heavily damaged, and the windows being 

---

blown out, the house was intact. 
 
“Not our doing,†spoke the Goddesses when everybody looked at 
them.  As soon as the words left their mouth, a lightning bolt 
came down from the heavens right next to everybody.  Reading 
the message, the Goddesses turned to look at Hild with Spock 
Maneuvers in full effect. 
 
“What?  Do I have something on my face?†she asked, playing 
dumb to the situation. 
 
“A rare act of kindness from a demon,†said Belldandy, ruining 
the effect that Hild was trying to present to the mortals, 
“How nice.  Although Father wants to know what you’re going to 
do about the snow down there.†
 
“Bah, so hell froze over.  It’ll thaw in an hour,†
nonchalantly replied Hild, ignoring the question from on high.  
After all who did Kami-sama think he was, ruler of all?  He 
had his turf, she had hers and that was that. 
 
ZZAAPP 
 
More lightning bolts from on high, one to zap Hild and the 
other to send another message.  The mortals fled into the 
house, not wanting to inadvertently be hit by the lightning 
falling from a clear sky.  From inside they could hear the 
shout of, “So WHAT if the demons are transporting the snow 
up?!  Have some FUN with it!†
 
Kasumi came down the stairs in the closest thing to a rush 
that the residents had ever seen with two bed rolls, one in 
each arm.  See rolled them out in the blink of an eye for the 
people recently freed from the late Happosai.  Soun, upon 
returning to the house, started in on Ranma about the demise 
of their master.  Not in the bad sense, mind you.  He had 
poppers, sake, and cake.  Where he had acquired the items 
from, nobody knew or cared. 
 
Ranma slumped against the closest wall, and slid down.  He was 
belittling himself for his actions during the fight.  The 
outcome was NOTHING like he had wanted.  The Saffron fight had 
taught Ranma one thing:  warriors do what they have to, to 
survive.  But losing control like that was not what was 
supposed to happen. 
 
The women in his life noticed immediately the posture of the 
man they loved, in varying senses.  The downcast eyes, the 
ever so slight tremble, the occasional quiver of his lower 
lip.  The way he was slumped against the wall, with no 
interest in anything at the moment.  Well, anything other than 
the welfare of the newest guests to the Tendo residence.  He 
would steal glances in their direction from time to time, then 
resume studying his feet.  Remembering the item that Happosai 

---

had dropped, Ranma pulled it out of . . . somewhere, and 
examined it. 
 
The sounds of a cash register going KA-CHING were heard from 
two different areas of the living room.  All eyes fell on the 
item in Ranma’s hands, and more sound effects were heard.  The 
in stereo “Oh my!†was lost on everybody, but the resounding 
drip-drip-drip of drool hitting the floor was not. 
 
Ranma held what looked like a Rubix Cube, studded with all 
sorts of valuable gems.  The red squares held rubies, blue had 
sapphires, white had diamonds, yellow had chunks of gold, and 
green had what appeared to be jade.  The sixth side of the 
cube looked like an older style lock on a chest.  The lock 
hole looked like a cross, however. 
 
“Ugh,†came a voice from the floor.  The German was waking up, 
and attracted everybody’s attention.  That was when visual 
confirmation was doubly needed on her attire. 
 
Yes, everybody did a double-take of the daring outfit. 
 
The shirt, if it could be called that, was held up by a small 
choker.  It was an off-white sleeveless number, tucked into a 
mini-skirt that showed two things.  One was the lack of a bra, 
and the second was her generous breast size.  Thigh-high 
Stiletto boots, the laced-up kind, emphasized her long legs.   
 
“Ooh, my head,†complained the brunette.  Her dress, while not 
nearly as daring as her companion’s, still showed off a lot of 
tanned skin.  Her voice, deep and apparent full body tan, and 
demeanor all resembled a certain Galaxy Police officer from 
another series. 
 
“Where are we?†asked the redhead, having sat up to take in 
her surroundings.  The last thing she remembered before the 
fight between the boy slumped against the wall and the old 
letch was fighting said letch herself. 
 
“Before we answer your questions,†replied Nabiki, taking 
charge of the situation, â€œPlease as least give us your names.†
 
“Ah, proper protocol eh?†sarcastically intoned the brunette, 
also having sat up to follow the conversation.  Being more in 
tune with Ki and Chi flows, she could sense the Wa of the 
house going crazy.  But before more conversation could be 
commenced, the people that had been hiding in the shadows 
during the fight appeared. 
 
“Not now man,†said Ranma.  Very flatly to boot.  When the 
Goliath known as Siegfried waltzed in the front door, he had 
groaned internally.  But the look on his face was of . . . 
amusement? 
 

---

“I am not here to fight you,†evenly returned said man, “But 
instead I am here with some of the others from the old days.  
Why they are here, how they got here are questions that we do 
not know the answers to.† Eureka, instant overcrowded living 
room.  Even with the ‘friends’ of the once azure knight, the 
female population outnumbered the male by five to one. 
 
A very good looking female population, should be noted.  Short 
skirts, vinyl, and form-fitting Chinese dresses were the 
clothing of the hour.  Kasumi and Belldandy became self-
conscious of their conservative clothing, while Nabiki went to 
find her camera.  Ooh, would pictures of these scantily clad 
women make a lot of yen with the ole Horde at Furinkan. 
 
“Okay,†deadpanned Ranma, “let’s take this from the top.†
 
And so the story behind Siegfried, Maxi, Yunsung, Xianghua, 
Kilik, Cassandra, and Ivy (A.K.A Isabella Valentine) was told.  
They had been after Soul Edge, the demonic half of the sword 
Ranma possessed, for varying reasons.  Some good, some evil.  
They all acknowledged defeat to Siegfried, who had after the 
battles, cast the blade into a chasm.  Xianghua recounted her 
tale of possessing Soul Calibur, the holy blade. 
 
Unlike Siegfried and apparently Nightmare, who had awakened 
with Soul Edge, the others had aforementioned (read: NO) clue 
as to how they arrived in the future.  They had all been 
living separate lives, although they did keep in contact. 
 
Ranma went into moderate detail about what his situation was.  
Moderate, as in he went as far back as his arrival in Nerima 
to then.  He left out certain aspects, like the wishes that 
both his male and female half had made. 
 
Finally, it was time for the latest arrivals to the Tendo 
house to tell their tale. 
 
“My name is Karin,†spoke the redhead, “My companion here is 
Lucia.† The brunette waved hello, although she was primarily 
being ignored.  â€œBefore I explain what happened to us, why we 
were in the ‘possession’ of that old freak, can anybody tell 
me what year this is?†
 
“It is the year two thousand five,†replied Belldandy 
automatically.  She had gone to investigate the latest CRASH-
KROOM! outside, and thus was the only one with the knowledge 
that the newest members of the NWC were permanent. 
 
“Ninety years have passed,†said Karin, “Since we fought that 
. . . thing known as Happosai.  It was just after our ordeal 
with Special Agent Kato, who had attempted to remake the world 
in his image.  Happosai came along investigating the Asuka 
Stone Platform, the door to the gates of time.  Being 
extremely low on energy, he took advantage of our . . . 

---

situation.  He had swiftly killed Yuri, Joachim, and Gepetto, 
the males of our group.  Kurando, the only male left, was not 
with us at the time as he was left behind in his home village 
with Blanca, a wolf.  While he spared Anastasia Romanov, for 
the simple reason she was just a child, he took liberties with 
Lucia and myself.  We tried our hardest to fight him off, but 
we had no chance since our fight with Kato had used up all of 
our healing medicines.†
 
Karin paused for a moment, trying to suppress the tears that 
threatened to overwhelm her.  Lucia was no better, silently 
crying while reliving that horrific day. 
 
Everybody else had pieced together the puzzle, and frowned at 
the results.  Have fear, Kasumi and Belldandy in the same 
room, at the same time FROWNING.  The other fighters in the 
room were glowing a faint red in rage. 
 
“He,†Karin pressed on, “He . . . had his way with us.  Not 
just the groping we have witnessed over the years.  After he 
had forced himself upon us, he sealed us within his aura.  We 
never knew the reason why, but we assume it was because he 
always takes a trophy of his conquests.  We have been fighting 
him the entire time, and have prevented others from suffering 
our fate.†
 
POOF! 
 
Hi ld had a Washu brand Holo-Top PC(™©®) in view, and was 
typing away furiously.  Knowing that Happosai had no chance at 
getting into Heaven, she had to know just what level of Hell 
he was in.  She quickly found him on the Fourth level of hell.  
Nope, that won’t do at all.  Typing in some commands, Hild 
sent the soul of Happosai into the Ninth level of hell for 
eternity.  And to make sure he would be tormented to the 
maximum, Hild created a new torture program. 
 
Transvestite Homosexual rapists . . . of the tentacle variety. 
 
Ooh, bad image . . . 
 
While this was occurring, the cluster of people broke into 
several different conversations.  The two freed from Happi 
were thanking Ranma, while his erstwhile fiancées moved into a 
cluster around him.  The Soul Calibur group mingled with the 
Goddesses and the Demon, trying to covertly discover the 
reason why they were there.  Soun fled the house, not wanting 
to be around when the estrogen factories exploded for 
something the boy had done. 
 
After an hour of everybody getting acquainted with each other, 
Ranma had stepped outside to practice the additions to his 
Art.  He had to learn how to incorporate all of the various 
disciplines into the Anything Goes style.  The Earth-based 

---

styles were easy enough to master, since they all had some 
familiarity.  What threw him for a loop was the ‘alien’ 
martial arts.  Klingon Wu-Shu, Romulan Kempo, Vulcan Tai Chi . 
. . the list goes on and on.  The forms used by the founding 
races were extremely different from anything he had ever seen, 
and that didn’t include the weapon based arts such as Juraian 
Swordplay. 
 
So while quite literally stumbling through the first 
improvised kata, the second half of his wish took effect. 
 
Ranma didn’t know it due to his level of concentration, but he 
had an audience.  A rather LARGE audience, all comprised of 
females.  The ones he knew, the older sisters Tendo, Ukyo and 
Shampoo he could excuse because of the recent wish.  Shampoo’s 
case was still pending, but since she had lost the last of her 
known family, it was leaning more towards acceptance. 
 
However, getting the same look from Cassandra, Taki, Xianghua, 
Ivy, Urd, Peorth, Belldandy, Hild, Karin and Lucia was 
unnerving.  He really didn’t know them, not to the point where 
he could accept them into the ‘Saotome Harem’, as it was being 
dubbed by said females. 
 
Where had the others gone, you ask.  Well, simple jealousy 
overrides most logic, so Mousse, Ryoga and Tatewaki were up to 
the usual plotting of revenge.  Kodachi being herself, decided 
that laying low for the time being would be best, not wanting 
the wrath of fourteen women upon her. 
 
The two groups decided to turn in for the night, as the sun 
had gone down an hour ago.  Those that had no rooms, the 
visitors that had nowhere to go, were camped in the living 
room as a temporary solution. 
 
Temporary?  Ha!  How little they know . . . 
 
*End of Day One* 
 
TBC . . . 
 
Ah, a rework that makes sense!  Yay, now I feel better.  Don’t 
get yer hopes up about the muse, but doing this actually 
helped a bit.  Probably because instead of trying to think an 
entire plot through, I just have to find a way to make it flow 
better.  Bah!  Until I return. 
 
Ja! 
 
Finished in Big Springs, NE. 

---