Harry Potter - Series Fan Fiction ❯ Tears Of Life ❯ Xmas break ( Chapter 2 )

Dear Journal,

 

There are so many things that have happened since my last entry. Since Weasley and Granger left for the Christmas holidays, Harry has been hanging around me a lot. 

 

At first I was happy that Harry was spending time with me rather then his housemates but lately he's been making me feel uncomfortable. Not only does he stand too close but for some strange reason, he's also picked up the habit of touching me. I don't mean it in a naughty way; it's just that no matter what we do he seems to find a way of touching me.

 

There have been many occasions when he takes my hand and pulls me along. He doesn't tell me anything, he just takes me to wherever he wants. He doesn't even ask me if I'm free or if I want to go. I find myself having very little option when it comes to Harry.

 

There are times where Harry gets too close and I instantly move away from him. He always mumbles an apology but five seconds later he's touching me again. I also think he has a thing for my hair; he always seems to find a reason to touch it.

 

I remember once waking up in the hospital wing and Harry was playing with it. I'm not sure how to tell him that he's making me uncomfortable. I'm also not allowed to use any hair gel anymore, he got mad at me the last time I used it. He never actually said anything but he did mention that he liked my hair better without gel. I'm scared that if I don't let him do what he wants he won't be my friend anymore.

 

I never really had any physical contact unless the person meant to hurt me, and every time Harry touches me, no matter how small, I tense up. I try to move away from him but he doesn't let me go. I have no idea what to do.

 

I realize I don't have anybody else but Harry. I can't seem to think of anyone else who I can talk to. I really can't see myself taking to Prof. Snape about my problems with Harry or the Headmaster.

 

Everyone thinks that Dumbledore is a kind old man but in fact he's just a manipulative control freak. Just because I don't want to join Voldemort, doesn't mean I want to risk my life fighting for Dumbledore either. At this very moment, Dumbledore is waiting for me to break down and ask for help. That is the reason why none of the people that cause me pain receive any punishment. I would rather be in pain then ask for his help.

 

As for Harry, I don't know where he fits in Dumbledore's grand scheme of things. All I know is that I like spending time with him. It's just when he gets to close my heart starts beating like crazy. I start having weird butterfly feelings in my stomach and I don't know how to act towards him. I've never experienced these feelings before; I wish I knew what they were.

 

Other than that, I just know that I happy when I with him. I don't feel as if I'm alone. I already think of him as a friend even though he still sees me as the Slytherin Brat. Just this morning he called me 'Heartless Brat' simply because I made someone cry. He didn't even ask what happened.

 

All I did was stop her from entering the Forbidden Forest, all I said was that she was a dim-witted Ravenclaw who must have be place in the wrong house because anyone with some intelligence would not enter the Forest just because of a simple bet. It wasn't that harsh, maybe she cried because I also said, "Not only are you ugly but you have the brain of a peanut, too." I just told her the truth. How was I to know she would cry?

 

The first thing Harry assumes is that I'm the bad guy. It hurts when he calls me heartless. I do care about a lot of thing but I just don't express them the same way as other people do. That doesn't mean I don't have a heart. What makes it worse is when he looks at me with disappointment.

 

I still don't know what I did wrong. I walked away from him because I felt the tears start running down my face. I hate myself for being this weak. I don't even know why Harry has so much power over me.

 

Harry still hasn't spoken to me since this morning. I guess I'll be alone tonight, I hope that Harry will talk to me soon. The holidays are ending and that means my time with him is limited.

 

Even though I know that I'm just a toy to him, I still value the time we spend together. I know that once Weasley and Granger are back, everything will go back to normal. I don't want to Harry to go back to ignoring me again but I know he will.

 

Draco Malfoy