Harukanaru Toki No Naka De Fan Fiction ❯ Unbroken ❯ Reconciliation ( Chapter 4 )
[ X - Adult: No readers under 18. Contains Graphic Adult Themes/Extreme violence. ]
By: sailorlight22 
Well, it picks up where the last one left off..
Anime/Manga: Harukanaru Toki No Naka De Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Romance / Supernatural / Hentai / Fantasy | Type: Shounen-ai | Uploaded On: 11.11.2007 | Pages: 5 | Words: 7.4K | Visits: 172 | Status: Work In Progress
Well, it picks up where the last one left off..
Anime/Manga: Harukanaru Toki No Naka De Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Romance / Supernatural / Hentai / Fantasy | Type: Shounen-ai | Uploaded On: 11.11.2007 | Pages: 5 | Words: 7.4K | Visits: 172 | Status: Work In Progress
Unbroken
A Haruka Naru Toki No Naka De Fanfiction
By SailorLight22
Chapter 4 - Reconcilation
I do not own these wonderful bishies, only the plot to this ficlette.. my first Haruka fic, should i continue, or does it suck enough to be yaoi without an ending? xD ANY replies would be appreciated, be easy though, k?
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WARNING! This chapter is the beginning of more..*ahem* Adult Material than the others. Also, it's...ah...quite a bit longer than I'd expected :) The notes at the end will explain.. Anyway, get ready for a crash course in hormones! ********************************
Yasuaki felt as if he were floating in nothingness, his mind detached from his body.
He felt an moment of regret, the unfamiliar sensation closing around him like a woolen blanket. 'I do not fear death,' He thought, 'But I do not wish to die here.'
He turned his head, feeling a strong presence nearby. At first, there was nothing, and he wondered if he could have imagined it. Then, there was a voice.
*Is this your wish, child?*
It was neither loud nor soft, but it seemed to be everywhere at once. Yasuaki had never felt anything quite like this, and as the sensation deepened, he realized that he was in the presence of divinity.
Bowing his head in respect, he repeated softly. "I do not fear death."
There was a soundless laugh, and he noticed with a start that the voice itself was neither male nor female.
*You say you do not fear death, but do you desire it? Has this life been enough for you?*
He closed his eyes, bringing his memories to the surface. Sifting through them, he recalled countless small pains, and he sighed. "I lived as I could. What was is gone. Is that enough?"
The voice held a note of sadness as it answered. *Yes, you had your life, and it was gone.*
He blinked. "Was?" He asked, curiously. "Am I not dead now?"
The voice replied calmly. *Yes, child. You died. But I have come, and now I hold you here. There is one who would not see your life extinguished.*
The priest shook his head. "I do not understand."
*He cast up his heart in prayer, that you might not die. Even now he prays, and breathes his life into your shell.*
Yasuaki nodded slowly. "Eisen."
*Yes. He would have you live. Do you truly not wish to? I see your heart, child. Would you have it's meaning made clear?*
His confusion was apparent. "My Master could not teach me the meaning of my heart. There is nothing to be done."
That quiet laugh came again, and with it, the darkness seemed almost alive with... Something.
*I see that your heart is not so very empty. Has there been no light in the depths? No moment when you truly felt that your life was real?*
Yasuaki paused, unable to deny it. He remembered that strange pressure, the lingering feeling he'd so recently discovered. He recalled his reaction to Tachibana's little 'talks', the sensation of horror that he'd felt when he realized that it was his own hands encrusted with his partner's blood.
He knew that there had been sorrow, but he had no name for the feeling that had risen when the younger boy had chastised him, saying that he did, in fact, have a reason to care for him, despite what he'd done in his unconscious agony. It was that same nameless feeling that had been so overwhelming when he'd really looked at the gentle monk as he slept, and he closed his eyes at the sharp pull of the memory.
"There was something, but I can give no name to it." He said, his voice heavy with regret. "I caused him harm, and still he refused to let me suffer and die. I can only wish to know the truth of that feeling, although it was not there before."
All was silent, and for a moment he thought the Voice had gone. Then, it came again, it's soft words understanding. *Would you live, child? If only to discover that truth?*
He opened his mismatched eyes, and nodded slowly. "I would live, if there was reason. I do not know if I can find my answer, however. My master is a great and powerful man, but even he could not truly make me human. I have no real emotions, and without that, I cannot understand the nature of this feeling."
The presence increased, it's voice stronger as well. *I will return you to your life, but before you go, I will purge the poison from your body and repair it.*
There was a sudden surge of power, stronger and more pure than anything Yasuaki had ever felt. The darkness lightened, and he closed his eyes at the change. He felt himself fading, and he almost missed the final words, so softly were they spoken.
*And I will complete the work begun by your Priestess, child. I will unlock and awaken your sleeping heart...*
And all was Light.
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Eise n sobbed in defeat. The faint heartbeat had given him hope, but as he pressed his ear to the fallen man's chest, it faltered and stopped.
He gathered the still body in his arms, holding it close as he rocked in silent grief. Lowering his head, he raised one hand to stroke the pale skin of his partner's face, unable to believe that he was truly gone.
He closed his eyes, and pressed his lips softly to Yasuaki's, ignoring their cold unresponsiveness. Pulling away, he whispered the only words that came to him. "Please don't leave me here all alone, Yasuaki-san. I've loved you for such a long time now, but I never got the chance to say it. I don't want you to die without knowing that I need you.."
"I would not leave you for all the world." The words were soft, but unmistakable.
Eisen gasped, his eyes opening in disbelief. Stunned, he stared into the open eyes of his partner, his voice gone as his vision blurred with fresh tears.
Yasuaki frowned, confused at his silent crying.
"Why do you still weep, Eisen? Did you not wish for me to live?" He asked, watching his face intently. "There is no need for tears, your prayer was heard."
Eisen shook his head, burying his face into the side of the older man's neck, the feeling of his pulse against his lips evoking a renewed storm of weeping.
"You were gone.. I tried so hard, but you were gone..!" He sobbed, his voice choked, "All that time.. You never knew! And then it was too late, I never told you..."
Yasuaki closed his eyes, and lifted his arms to embrace the smaller man as his body shook. "I am here now," He whispered, stroking his back in comfort. "And there is time for you to say whatever you wish."
Eisen pulled back, his wet eyes determined. "I thought there was time for that before, but there wasn't! I kept my heart hidden for nothing, and then the time was gone. I won't let it happen again!" He closed his eyes, and pressed his mouth firmly to his partner's, his hands clenched deeply into the priest's torn robes. Yasuaki made a short sound of surprise, but it went unnoticed as Eisen lost himself in the feeling of those now-warm lips.
Yasuaki gasped, that still-unnamed emotion almost stifling in it's intensity. The feeling grew stronger as Eisen jerked away, his face deathly pale as he stammered an apology. Yasuaki stared, his eyes wide with sudden understanding.
Eisen stumbled on, his face rapidly changing from white to deep pink. His voice took on a note of hysteria at the priest's continued silence, his shoulders shaking as he forced back sobs.
Yasuaki released his light hold on the younger man's back, bringing his hands up to cover the monk's mouth. Eisen's voice cut off abruptly, and his eyes widened as the priest relaxed. Reverently, Yasuaki cupped that flushed face in his palms, stroking his thumb across the curve of one damp cheekbone. Eisen made a strangled noise at his touch, his lips parting as if to speak.
Yasuaki shook his head, his gaze unwavering as he pulled the smaller man close. He felt his partner's breath hitch, and he paused with only millimeters between them. At this distance, he could clearly see the ring of deepest indigo that encircled the iris of Eisen's violet eyes, his breath fanning across the priest's cheek as he gasped.
"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to! Yasuaki-san, please.." His eyes still shone with unshed tears, and he tried to go on, but the rapt attention in his partner's eyes muddled his thoughts. His heart felt like lead, crushing him inside as he struggled to find the right words. "I thought you were lost," He whispered lamely. "I let my excitement get the better of me, Yasuaki-san."
The man frowned slightly. "Yasuaki." He said quietly.
Eisen's mind skidded to a halt in confusion. "What? Yasuaki-san, are you all.." The priest stilled him with a look.
"Yasuaki." He repeated, his frown deepening. "Not -san. Just Yasuaki will do. There is no need for the honorific. You saved my life," He whispered, "so call me by my name, Eisen."
The younger man nodded slowly. "Yasuaki.." He said, his soft voice belying his thundering pulse.
The priest smiled, his eyes lit with something Eisen could not define. "Yes." He replied, his voice equally low. "Do not be sorry, Eisen. The one who sent me back told me that your breath sustained me. I am grateful to that breath, the lungs that held it, and to the lips that carried it to me. That god may have sent me back, but it was you that held me here."
Eisen's blush deepened. "I couldn't just let you die, not while your heart still beat. I didn't know what else to do."
The older man's face grew serious. "The god did me a great service. The wound, and the poison within it are healed," He paused, his eyes searching. "The final healing was far more than that."
Eisen swallowed hard. "Final healing..?" He asked, his thoughts tangled at the closeness of his partner's face. "What do you mean?"
Yasuaki smiled, his eyes soft. "I had been troubled by a feeling I could not name. The one who healed me asked if I would live for the sake of understanding that feeling."
Eisen nodded, intrigued. "And you said yes?"
He shook his head, tightening his hold just slightly. "I said that I did not have real emotion. I wished to understand, but did not believe it was possible. The god made it possible by finishing our Priestess' work."
Eisen blinked. "Akane-Sama's work? I don't understand.." He murmured. "What did the healing do?"
Yasuaki sighed, his face peaceful. "The god said it would awaken my heart." He pulled one hand back to his chest, his palm resting against his bare skin. "Now I understand." He finished simply.
Eisen released the crumpled fabric he'd been holding, and hesitantly covered the taller man's hand with his own. "What was it?"
Yasuaki spread his fingers, twining their hands together tightly. Using his double hold, he pulled the monk's body down, his lips brushing over his partner's as he whispered his answer.
"I love you."
Eisen whimpered at the almost-contact, his eyes very wide. "Yasuaki.." he stammered, "You..I.." Words failed him utterly as his eyes closed, tears threatening to overflow.
The priest sighed, pulling him down and melding their lips in a gentle kiss. Neither one moved for a long moment, but gradually his instincts asserted themselves, and Eisen pressed forward until he was as close as possible.
His inexperience was almost total, but it didn't seem to matter as his feelings rose up and promptly took control of his mind, leaving no room for thought. He relaxed against his partner, his free hand sliding over Yasuaki's freshly healed back. He marveled at it's smoothness, there was almost no trace of the gash that had almost taken him away forever.
Yasuaki murmured appreciatively, the soft sound sending a shiver down the younger man's body. Reassured by his reaction, Eisen's hesitation disappeared, and his hand moved over his beloved's skin with greater confidence.
They broke apart, breathing deeply. Yasuaki released his partner's hand, raising his own to run gentle fingers over the scrape on his cheek, a look of regret crossing his face. "I am sorry for this," He said "You deserve better."
Eisen shook his head, smiling shyly. "It wasn't your fault. I tried to help you, but all I could do was hurt you. I couldn't just watch you suffer, I had to..I wanted to hold you." He blushed, looking away. "No one wants to be hurt, but being in pain for a little while is better than seeing someone you love suffer like that."
The older man smiled, nodding in agreement. "I understand. That is why I dislike the fact that I caused this." He lifted himself, rising to his knees. "You should have tended to this, and the others. Will you allow me to help you, Eisen?"
The younger man nodded, but his face was troubled. "You don't have to do that, you should rest. I think it could wait until later, Yasuaki-san."
Yasuaki shook his head. "Such beauty should not be left untended, Eisen. Let me do this for you?" He paused. "Is it difficult to say my name? The sound is truly wonderful when you speak it."
Eisen's face heated, and he shook his head quickly. "No! Not at all, I love.." He faltered, his heart in his throat as his partner leaned very close. He glanced away, unnerved.
The priest smiled at his embarrassment, his face showing his amusement. Seeing the cloth near the stream, he reached for it, moving just enough to dip it into the cool water. He rinsed it well, and raised it to gently wipe away the smeared blood on his partner's pale cheek. Satisfied, he pressed a soft kiss to the now-clean wound, hoping it would heal quickly.
Glancing at the younger man's heavy garment, he shook his head. "You should remove this," He murmured, his fingers stroking idly over the fabric of one sleeve. "It will be much easier if you do."
Eisen blushed, nodding his head hesitantly. "Yes, I..probably should..remove it.." His voice caught in his throat as the older man's hand tugged at the front of his robes teasingly.
Smiling in a disarming manner, Yasuaki moved close enough to whisper in the flustered youth's ear as his hands moved slowly downward. "Would you like to do it yourself, Eisen? Or perhaps I should.." He left the statement unfinished.
Eisen shivered, his hands quickly covering his partner's. "It..It's fine, I can manage!" He gasped, his face rivaling the deepest scarlet of any rose in Tachibana's garden.
The priest chuckled quietly, leaning back as Eisen fumbled with the garment's fasteners. Nervously, the younger man undid them and slowly opened the front of his heavy robe, allowing the cloth to slip off of his shoulders and down his arms. The sight of that smooth skin, scored and bleeding, brought a sudden tightness to the older man's chest, and he quickly looked away.
"Don't," Eisen said, his voice breaking, "It isn't your fault, please don't be ashamed Yasuaki." He turned the priest to face him, his voice pleading. "It isn't as bad as it looks, and it will heal. These are nothing compared to... To what happened to you because of me," He said, sadly. "They don't even hurt, so please don't be upset."
The man nodded reluctantly. "I would take them all, if only I had the power," He said, his eyes burning. "I cannot believe that you allowed me to do this to you."
Eisen frowned. "I told you, didn't I? I didn't care! You were in so much pain.. I wanted to help you, but all I could do was hold onto you. Nothing else mattered then, and it doesn't matter now!"
Yasuaki sighed, his hand squeezing the cloth until it dripped. Slowly, he started to wipe at the welts, carefully cleaning them. The scratches on his partner's arms were terrible, both sides bearing a dozen or more, which ran well past the bend of his elbows. His breath catching, Eisen closed his eyes tightly as the priest rinsed the cloth again, preparing to cleanse the wounds on his upper chest.
His face burned as he keenly felt his exposure, gooseflesh rising as the cool air struck the dampness of his skin. He gasped, his eyes opening wide as Yasuaki finished, setting aside the cloth and gathering his shivering body in a tight embrace. Ignoring the slight stinging, he tried to contain a quiet whimper at the feeling of Yasuaki's bare skin against his own. He clamped his lips together and once again closed his eyes, striving for control.
He froze, his heart pounding as he registered the soft heat of the priest's lips against his cheek, and his breath left him in a strangled cry as those lips moved to follow the scrape downward, pressing light open-mouthed kisses to the line of his throat. From that sensitive spot, they travelled slowly to the side, following another scratch across his collarbone. He wrapped both arms around his partner's shoulders, clutching him almost desperately as he panted.
Yasuaki's mouth retraced it's steps, coming to rest beside his ear. His own breathing was harsh, and Eisen shivered anew as the warm air brushed his sensitive earlobe when Yasuaki whispered to him, "Is this all right, Eisen? I will stop if you wish me to."
Eisen shook his head mutely, opening his eyes.
The older man smiled, lifting his face to meet his partner's gaze. "I love you," He mumbled, kissing his flushed cheek. "Did you mean what you said before? Do you love me as well?"
Eisen blinked, shaking himself back to his senses. "More than anything," He breathed, his eyes wide, "I'm so sorry that I kept it from you, but I was afraid that you might.." He stopped, struggling to collect his thoughts.
After a moment, Yasuaki spoke, soothingly. "What were you afraid of, Eisen? Even before I understood this, I would never have harmed you." He lowered his head, resting his face in the crook of the younger man's neck. "I think that I may have lied to the god that saved me. I said that I wished to know the truth of this feeling, even though it was not there before. But when I finally saw for myself that the feeling was love, I could clearly remember having that same feeling over and over."
Eisen pulled away, his eyes shocked. "You felt it before..With others?" He choked, shaking. "Then.. We must stop this! If you had.. Feelings for someone before this, then that's who you should be with, not.." He shook his head in denial. "Yasuaki-san, you should wait and tell them what you felt, you deserve that chance. You can't just forget them because of what you might feel for me now!" He moved back, raising his arms to cover himself, his face averted.
Yasuaki stared at him, becoming alarmed. He reached out, frowning when the smaller man flinched at his touch. "No," He said firmly. "Eisen, I may not have understood before, but nothing changes how I feel. I love you, not someone else. There is no 'chance' for any other."
Eisen winced at the tone of his voice. "Yasuaki-san, I don't doubt that you mean what you say. What you feel may be love, but there are many kinds of love. The kind you feel for me could be fellowship, or brotherly affection. If you have those feelings explained to you properly, you may see me in a completely different way. It's not right for me to simply ignore that, I don't know what I was thinking."
The priest leaned forward intently. "Is your love brotherly, Eisen? Have I done something wrong, forced myself on you? If so, tell me." His partner shook his head quickly.
"No! It isn't like that, you haven't forced anything on me, Yasuaki-san. I haven't been.. Like this with anyone else, but I know that what I feel for you isn't just affection like a brother, or simply deep friendship. I've never had any doubt, but I've had a long time to look at my feelings. You've only had the last few moments, so you can't be held responsible for such a mistake!"
Yasuaki could see that his partner was slowly working himself into a state of self-disgust and anguish. He shook his head, once again reaching out to touch the younger man, refusing to let go as his hand gripped the monk's. "Explain it to me, then," He demanded sharply, hoping to stop Eisen's rising hysteria. "Explain what you feel, and see if I am mistaken."
The youth stared at him almost fearfully. Clearly, his partner was angry, and though Eisen was sure that he would never hurt him, he feared losing the warm trust that had so recently been found. Forcing the fear away, he nodded.
"When I'm with you, I can't stop watching you. Every word you say is like a Sutra, one that I can't forget. I can't really think of anything else, even when you're gone." He blushed. "I..I dream of you, and if you touch me, even by mistake, I forget everything. Nothing matters to me when I'm near you, sometimes I can't catch my breath when I look at you." He closed his eyes, and clenched his hands. "When I think about you hurting, I want to scream. If you hadn't come back.. I think I would have died." He shook his head, ignoring the pain in his chest. "I would do anything to make you happy, to see your smile."
Yasuaki frowned, tightening his grip on the monk's hand. "Is that everything?" He pulled Eisen closer, his face persistent. "That is all of what you feel, and it cannot be anything but real love? Those things make your love for me something beyond family, or friendly love?"
Eisen resisted slightly, finally nodding in defeat. "The difference is that family and friends don't have the same...Effect on you. You don't have need like this for a brother, and a friend doesn't cause you to totally forget yourself. Only the love that you have for another completes you in such a way." He sighed, closing his eyes. "I can't tell you how much I wish for that with you, Yasuaki-san. I would never stop you from finding the one who makes you feel that way. Also, even though it isn't me, I wont lose this feeling. That's how I know." He covered his face in embarrassment as he felt his eyes overflow. "I'm sorry, I can't make it stop," He sobbed, wrapping his arms around himself tightly. "I don't want you to see.."
His tears shocked his partner, and he gasped as a stab of pain blossomed in his chest. "Please don't cry, Eisen," He said, his voice soft. "I do feel all of that, and more. I see what you mean about different types of love, but the knowledge changes nothing. I do not love you like a brother, and a friend's tears would never make me feel like I was dying. Look at me?"
The younger man shook his head, refusing to meet his eyes. "Don't look," He gasped, burrowing even further into himself. "I shouldn't be like this, I don't have the right to feel this way! I was ready to just take advantage of your feelings, Yasuaki-san! I knew that you didn't have anything to compare them to, but I was too caught up in what I wanted. That isn't love, that's selfishness."
Yasuaki shook his head, refusing to be denied. Gently, he gripped the monk's chin in his hand, turning his head. He wiped the trail of tears from his eyes, and pulled the still sobbing man into his lap, his arms tightening protectively as he struggled weakly. "You have more right than anyone, Eisen," He whispered, "You're right, I haven't had anything to compare these feelings with, but that is only because I never felt them with anyone but you."
He sighed, tangling his fingers in the long strands of the younger man's hair. "I know that you think you took advantage of my feelings, but that is untrue. I understand the things you've told me, about family love, friendship..I felt something very close to this for my Master, and I feel something almost the same for our Priestess and the others. Those feelings are simple to define, now." He paused, kissing his partner's temple. "What I feel for you is neither of those things. I've seen you as a friend in the past, someone that I trust and respect. That, too, is different from what I feel now. What you've said does help me to see that I have much to learn, but I still do not doubt myself."
Eisen stiffened in his embrace, pulling away just enough to meet his gaze. "You don't have to do this, Yasuaki-san. If anything, you should be disgusted with me for allowing you to..To.." He trailed off, his face heating as he reminded himself of what they had done, his breath catching at the memory of Yasuaki's pliant mouth and warm hands on him. Shaking away the image, he continued. "I should have stopped you, but I wasn't strong enough. When I felt you die, I think a part of me went mad.."
The priest smiled, surprising him.
"Eisen, the only thing that troubles me now is your pain. I do not wish to see you suffer needlessly. If I had no feelings for you, I would not be here. I came back for this." He paused, his face thoughtful. "I do see that what I feel is not exactly the same as your feelings. I feel the same need to look at you, and I wish to be as close to you as possible." He shook his head, frowning slightly. "But I felt something more than that, when I touched you, and even now when I feel your heartbeat on my skin."
Eisen gasped, his face flaming. "I see.." He mumbled, placing his palm to his partner's chest. "There are.. other things that romantic love can do, I just can't explain them to you very well.." He tried to avoid his partner's eyes. "Romantic love affects you in many ways, Yasuaki-san.. It brings other feelings with it, things like...Like.." He stopped, unable to continue.
Yasuaki shook his head. "Do you feel that as well, Eisen? When you look at me, do you want more than just a glance? Is it enough to be close, or do you feel compelled to touch?" His brow furrowed in thought. "I have that need," He said, stroking the younger man's hair. "I want to touch you, but I also want to feel your hands on me."
The younger man shuddered, trying to ignore the image brought on by his simple statement. "I want.. I mean, I think about it too, but I haven't..." He clutched the priest's hand almost painfully. "It isn't enough, Yasuaki-san. Being here, and just looking is wonderful, but I want so much more than that.." His voice shook, and he cleared his throat. "I shouldn't think about you like that, but I can't help it. I shouldn't be this close, even now, it makes me want to.." Yasuaki released his hand, cupping his face gently.
"Want to what, Eisen?" He whispered, tipping the smaller man's head back, "Does it make you want this?" He pressed his lips to the corner of his partner's mouth, feeling his pulse spike sharply as the monk released a soft whimper. "Is that enough?" He asked, his words sending a wash of heat through the other man's body.
Eisen shivered, his voice deserting him as he shook his head slowly.
Yasuaki sighed, his eyes closing. "It is not enough for me, either." He said, closing the remaining distance between them as he kissed his partner hungrily. Eisen gasped, and Yasuaki took the opportunity to deepen the kiss, gently snaring his full bottom lip with his teeth, nipping the soft flesh. He inhaled sharply as his partner shifted against him, his hands gripping the other man's shoulders as he groaned helplessly.
He buried his hand deeply into the younger man's hair, cupping the back of his head as he pulled away. Breathing harshly, he took in the sight of his partner's flushed face.
"No one else makes me want to do that, Eisen." He said, his voice low. "I know that you believe me to be confused, but even my memories of you carry this feeling. I never felt that for anyone but you."
Eisen stared up at him, shaken. "But..You said that you've felt like this many times.." Yasuaki blinked.
"It was always with you," He said, smiling. "I never had an explanation for it, but it occupied my thoughts for quite some time. Even now, I can think of nothing else." He sighed, pulling the smaller man to him. "Do you understand? Our feelings were always the same, Eisen. The name for it made no difference."
Eisen nodded slowly, his panic replaced with rising gratitude. "Thank you," He said, his voice breathy, "For coming back. I only wish that I knew the name of the one who saved you, to offer my thanks to them forever."
He settled himself into his partner's embrace, and Yasuaki hissed sharply, his arms tightening. Eisen recoiled in alarm. "Am I hurting you? I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to!" He scrambled backwards, but the older man refused to let him escape.
"You did nothing wrong, Eisen. It was me, not you," He said, urging the younger man to relax. "Please don't go."
Eisen frowned, but allowed himself to be held. "Are you sure I'm not hurting you? I can move if I'm heavy."
Yasuaki shook his head firmly. "No, you aren't heavy at all. There was no pain, just a strange feeling when you moved. It was very sudden, and I was surprised."
Eisen blushed, his eyes wide. "I..I'm sorry, Yasuaki-san. I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable.." He moved, more carefully this time, shifting his weight until he managed to slide one leg across his partner's. Fully facing the priest, he smiled hesitantly. "Is this better? I thought maybe.." He trailed off, realizing the position he had taken. He winced, his blush deepening. "I don't mean to be..forward, Yasuaki-san, I just thought it would be..." He shook his head, explaining in a rush. "I can put my weight on the ground, instead of on your legs, see?" He lifted himself, moving slightly as an example.
Yasuaki griped his shoulders, easing him back down. "I see," He mumbled, "But I don't really mind having you here, Eisen." He tugged his partner gently forward, his arms sliding down to wrap around his narrow waist. Eisen shivered at the feeling, resting his head on the taller man's shoulder.
"I like being here," He replied softly. "It feels so good, to be with you like this." He closed his eyes, turning his face into the side of the man's neck. "I love you.." He whispered, pressing his lips gently against the point of Yasuaki's pulse.
The man gasped, his arms clenching almost roughly around Eisen's waist as he pulled him close. The sudden jerk brought the smaller man flush against his body, and he stiffened as a flare of warmth spread through him. Slowly, he shifted his partner again, and was rewarded with a whimper of approval. Cautiously, he slid his hands down to the younger man's hips, repeating the motion.
Eisen shivered, his pulse jumping suddenly at the friction between them. Lifting his head, he sighed, arching his back in silent invitation to continue.
Yasuaki moved again, using his hold on the other to increase the pressure. Eisen cried out sharply, his voice strained.
Nipping the skin of his throat, Yasuaki spoke. "Do you like that, Eisen?" He whispered, rocking his hips upward steadily. "Does it feel good, like this?" His own pulse thundered in his ears, but he clearly heard the monk's gasped reply.
"Yes.. Please, Yasuaki-san, it.. It's.." He moaned, his arms locked around the older man's body as he pressed himself closer. "You feel so good..!"
The older man shivered hard, his thoughts scattered at the onslaught of pure sensation. "Touch me, Eisen," He whispered, "I want to feel your hands.. Everywhere, please.."
His partner nodded jerkily, his hands sliding across the taut lines of the priest's back, covering as much of his sweat-dampened skin as possible.
Eisen panted harshly, barely able to believe that this was, in fact, real. He'd never felt anything like this, so much physical pleasure that it was almost painful. He moved away, just enough to work one hand between them. He continued his rapt exploration of Yasuaki's skin, stroking over his chest and stomach with gentle fingers.
The man arched eagerly into his caresses, his hands tightening almost to the point of bruising. Hearing his lover whimper, he paused, striving to control himself. "I think we should slow down, Eisen." He murmured, "I don't want to hurt you."
Eisen shook his head. "It's all right, Yasuaki-san, I know you don't mean to. Do you want to stop?"
The priest shook his head, shifting his weight until he could get his legs beneath him. Placing one hand on his partner's back, he supported himself with the other, whispering softly. "Hold on to me.." Eisen nodded, tightened his arms.
Yasuaki rose slightly, leaning forward carefully until he could lay the smaller man on the makeshift bed. Resting his weight on his knees, he slid his arm out from under him, freeing his hand to stroke the monk's blushing face. "I want to slow down, take more time with this. You deserve to be loved, Eisen, not ravaged. I'm having some difficulty, because everything you do inflames me."
Eisen nodded, catching his breath. "I feel that too.. Don't worry Yasuaki-san, I want the same thing.. I want to feel everything, please?"
His partner smiled, leaning down to bury his face against the smaller man's neck, inhaling his scent. "Will you call me by my name when I touch you, Eisen?" He asked, his voice husky again, "I would give anything to hear it from your lips.."
The younger man smiled, sighing. "I didn't mean to forget.. Everything is so new, I can't think. I'll say it if you wish me to, but you don't have to give me anything, because this is all I want." He embraced his lover tightly, thoroughly enjoying the warmth of his body.
Yasuaki nodded, sinking deeper into his partner's hold. Nuzzling at his neck, he kissed his way upwards, pausing long enough to murmur into his ear. "Say it for me?"
Eisen gasped at the decidedly erotic tone, his eyes closing as he whispered. "Yasuaki.." Trembling slightly, he cleared his throat. "Yasuaki." He repeated, his voice stronger. "I won't forget again."
The older man sighed with satisfaction, lifting his head to see the expression on his partner's face. "Thank you." He said, pressing their mouths together. Eisen responded eagerly, parting his lips in wordless encouragement.
Yasuaki accepted his invitation, laving his tongue gently over his partner's bottom lip. He moaned softly in surprise when he felt Eisen's tentative response, delving deeper to fully explore his mouth.
Eisen tightened his grip, his senses aflame at the feeling of Yasuaki's gentle probing. He moved his hands down to the taller man's hips, pulling their bodies together as he drew up his legs to enfold him.
They broke apart, gasping at the sensation. His eyes wide, Yasuaki shifted his weight, bearing down against the other's pliant body. Eisen made a ragged sound, arching his back in response. The priest moaned quietly, resting his forehead against the monk's cheek as he rocked against him with renewed intensity.
He forced himself to remain gentle, determined to give as much pleasure to his beloved as possible. The younger man's sharp whimpers assured him that his efforts were not in vain. Lifting his face, he slowed his movements to speak softly into his partner's small ear. "Is this what you wanted, Eisen? Is it enough, to share this with me?"
Eisen cried out, his voice high in his daze. "Yes, oh yes..Please.! I want..." He gasped, struggling to form words to define his almost desperate need. "I wanted this with you, only you... Yasuaki, please.!"
The older man groaned, his stomach tightening harshly at his lover's pleading cries. Lifting himself with one hand, he jerked almost viciously at the torn remains of his clothing, quickly divesting himself of the ruined upper half. His breathing shallow, he slid his free hand over his partner's damp skin, pushing his bothersome robes away to reach more of him.
Eisen arched into his touch, gripping his waist tightly. "Take them..off," He panted, "I want to feel you, Yasuaki.." He pulled away, just enough to slide one hand down to reach the fastenings that remained, tugging them loose. Lifting his hips, he urged his partner to assist. "Please, help me?"
Yasuaki nodded eagerly, pulling cautiously at the tangled material until it slid from beneath the monk's raised body. Shoving them aside, he leaned forward to taste his lover's newly exposed skin, his hands running over the slight dip of his waist as he placed one arm under his hips to lift him closer.
Eisen's arms loosened, his hands dropping to clench the material beneath him as he shook. The feeling of the older man's skin against him was incredible. With only the thinnest of barriers between them, he could clearly feel the heat of his lover's body, a sensation that made his toes curl.
Yasuaki traced the line of his partner's breastbone with his lips, his heart beating so quickly that he felt lightheaded. He knew that he should restrain himself, but the small noises from the other man were intoxicating. Every shiver and jerk was like a blade that slowly ate away at the last strands of his control, urging him into desperation. He leaned into his lover's body, failing to stifle a low moan at the feeling of his warmth. Only the man's thin undergarment and his own trousers separated them, and he could clearly feel the evidence of his partner's arousal against him as he pressed forward.
Eisen released the tight grip he held on the blankets, his hands resuming their exploration of the priest's back and sides. Gently, he urged the man down to cover him. Wrapping his legs around Yasuaki's hips, he arched away from the ground in a silent plea for more contact.
The older man complied, moving against him as he whispered quietly into his hair. "Is this good, Eisen? I don't really know what to do, tell me?" He shifted his hands, cupping his partner's behind as he thrust down, drawing a startled cry from the smaller man. Eisen's legs tightened around his waist, his voice shaking.
"Please.. don't stop, it feels so good.. I ..!" He gasped loudly, bucking upwards. "I can't wait, if you keep moving like that I'm going to..to.." He shook his head frantically, denying his need. "I want it to be with you! Yasuaki, please don't hold yourself back, I want to share this with you!"
Yasuaki groaned, quickening his pace to match his lover's urgent pleas. He knew that something was building, and he understood that Eisen was very close to losing control of himself in his pleasure. He could feel his own limit approaching, some intangible drive that shrieked for release as his movements turned almost violent in their intensity.
Eisen's arms shook, his hands locked to his partner's back as he cried his name over and over, his voice echoing in the cave's dark stillness. Closing his eyes, Yasuaki buried his face in the curve of his lover's throat as he growled low in reply, his breath coming in hoarse pants. His stomach tightened almost painfully, and he gasped as he was consumed by an overwhelming wave of feeling, his hands clenching convulsively around Eisen's hips as he moaned his name in astonishment.
The monk very nearly screamed in completion, his back arched to the breaking point as he clutched the shaking body of his lover to himself before collapsing bonelessly. He shuddered, feeling his pulse slowly return to normal as they lay entangled in the semi-darkness. Unable to believe what had just happened, he stared wide-eyed at the rock overhead, fearful of the older man's reaction. Would he be angry, or confused?
He closed his eyes, praying that Yasuaki would allow him to explain before the anger or bewilderment took it's toll. He doubted that the man had truly intended for this to happen, for he knew that the formerly deadened state of Yasuaki's emotions would have never induced a desire so strong. Burying his face against the priest's neck, he decided that even if they shouldn't have done those things, just being close to him was enough.
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Ha, you have NO idea how hard it was to actually end this chapter! Get this: I even cut the last HALF off of it, and started another chapter, which is now 13000+words alone! Gah, I'm going to have to dice that one up as well, I just can't seem to write brief sex! XD I wonder if that's a bad thing ^_^.. Oh well, here you have it, Hopefully the next chapter will end much more quickly. (And YES, there is ACTUAL honest-to-god smut in that one!) Stay tuned for more, hope you enjoyed this! Please review, I live on feedback!
A Haruka Naru Toki No Naka De Fanfiction
By SailorLight22
Chapter 4 - Reconcilation
I do not own these wonderful bishies, only the plot to this ficlette.. my first Haruka fic, should i continue, or does it suck enough to be yaoi without an ending? xD ANY replies would be appreciated, be easy though, k?
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WARNING! This chapter is the beginning of more..*ahem* Adult Material than the others. Also, it's...ah...quite a bit longer than I'd expected :) The notes at the end will explain.. Anyway, get ready for a crash course in hormones! ********************************
Yasuaki felt as if he were floating in nothingness, his mind detached from his body.
He felt an moment of regret, the unfamiliar sensation closing around him like a woolen blanket. 'I do not fear death,' He thought, 'But I do not wish to die here.'
He turned his head, feeling a strong presence nearby. At first, there was nothing, and he wondered if he could have imagined it. Then, there was a voice.
*Is this your wish, child?*
It was neither loud nor soft, but it seemed to be everywhere at once. Yasuaki had never felt anything quite like this, and as the sensation deepened, he realized that he was in the presence of divinity.
Bowing his head in respect, he repeated softly. "I do not fear death."
There was a soundless laugh, and he noticed with a start that the voice itself was neither male nor female.
*You say you do not fear death, but do you desire it? Has this life been enough for you?*
He closed his eyes, bringing his memories to the surface. Sifting through them, he recalled countless small pains, and he sighed. "I lived as I could. What was is gone. Is that enough?"
The voice held a note of sadness as it answered. *Yes, you had your life, and it was gone.*
He blinked. "Was?" He asked, curiously. "Am I not dead now?"
The voice replied calmly. *Yes, child. You died. But I have come, and now I hold you here. There is one who would not see your life extinguished.*
The priest shook his head. "I do not understand."
*He cast up his heart in prayer, that you might not die. Even now he prays, and breathes his life into your shell.*
Yasuaki nodded slowly. "Eisen."
*Yes. He would have you live. Do you truly not wish to? I see your heart, child. Would you have it's meaning made clear?*
His confusion was apparent. "My Master could not teach me the meaning of my heart. There is nothing to be done."
That quiet laugh came again, and with it, the darkness seemed almost alive with... Something.
*I see that your heart is not so very empty. Has there been no light in the depths? No moment when you truly felt that your life was real?*
Yasuaki paused, unable to deny it. He remembered that strange pressure, the lingering feeling he'd so recently discovered. He recalled his reaction to Tachibana's little 'talks', the sensation of horror that he'd felt when he realized that it was his own hands encrusted with his partner's blood.
He knew that there had been sorrow, but he had no name for the feeling that had risen when the younger boy had chastised him, saying that he did, in fact, have a reason to care for him, despite what he'd done in his unconscious agony. It was that same nameless feeling that had been so overwhelming when he'd really looked at the gentle monk as he slept, and he closed his eyes at the sharp pull of the memory.
"There was something, but I can give no name to it." He said, his voice heavy with regret. "I caused him harm, and still he refused to let me suffer and die. I can only wish to know the truth of that feeling, although it was not there before."
All was silent, and for a moment he thought the Voice had gone. Then, it came again, it's soft words understanding. *Would you live, child? If only to discover that truth?*
He opened his mismatched eyes, and nodded slowly. "I would live, if there was reason. I do not know if I can find my answer, however. My master is a great and powerful man, but even he could not truly make me human. I have no real emotions, and without that, I cannot understand the nature of this feeling."
The presence increased, it's voice stronger as well. *I will return you to your life, but before you go, I will purge the poison from your body and repair it.*
There was a sudden surge of power, stronger and more pure than anything Yasuaki had ever felt. The darkness lightened, and he closed his eyes at the change. He felt himself fading, and he almost missed the final words, so softly were they spoken.
*And I will complete the work begun by your Priestess, child. I will unlock and awaken your sleeping heart...*
And all was Light.
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Eise n sobbed in defeat. The faint heartbeat had given him hope, but as he pressed his ear to the fallen man's chest, it faltered and stopped.
He gathered the still body in his arms, holding it close as he rocked in silent grief. Lowering his head, he raised one hand to stroke the pale skin of his partner's face, unable to believe that he was truly gone.
He closed his eyes, and pressed his lips softly to Yasuaki's, ignoring their cold unresponsiveness. Pulling away, he whispered the only words that came to him. "Please don't leave me here all alone, Yasuaki-san. I've loved you for such a long time now, but I never got the chance to say it. I don't want you to die without knowing that I need you.."
"I would not leave you for all the world." The words were soft, but unmistakable.
Eisen gasped, his eyes opening in disbelief. Stunned, he stared into the open eyes of his partner, his voice gone as his vision blurred with fresh tears.
Yasuaki frowned, confused at his silent crying.
"Why do you still weep, Eisen? Did you not wish for me to live?" He asked, watching his face intently. "There is no need for tears, your prayer was heard."
Eisen shook his head, burying his face into the side of the older man's neck, the feeling of his pulse against his lips evoking a renewed storm of weeping.
"You were gone.. I tried so hard, but you were gone..!" He sobbed, his voice choked, "All that time.. You never knew! And then it was too late, I never told you..."
Yasuaki closed his eyes, and lifted his arms to embrace the smaller man as his body shook. "I am here now," He whispered, stroking his back in comfort. "And there is time for you to say whatever you wish."
Eisen pulled back, his wet eyes determined. "I thought there was time for that before, but there wasn't! I kept my heart hidden for nothing, and then the time was gone. I won't let it happen again!" He closed his eyes, and pressed his mouth firmly to his partner's, his hands clenched deeply into the priest's torn robes. Yasuaki made a short sound of surprise, but it went unnoticed as Eisen lost himself in the feeling of those now-warm lips.
Yasuaki gasped, that still-unnamed emotion almost stifling in it's intensity. The feeling grew stronger as Eisen jerked away, his face deathly pale as he stammered an apology. Yasuaki stared, his eyes wide with sudden understanding.
Eisen stumbled on, his face rapidly changing from white to deep pink. His voice took on a note of hysteria at the priest's continued silence, his shoulders shaking as he forced back sobs.
Yasuaki released his light hold on the younger man's back, bringing his hands up to cover the monk's mouth. Eisen's voice cut off abruptly, and his eyes widened as the priest relaxed. Reverently, Yasuaki cupped that flushed face in his palms, stroking his thumb across the curve of one damp cheekbone. Eisen made a strangled noise at his touch, his lips parting as if to speak.
Yasuaki shook his head, his gaze unwavering as he pulled the smaller man close. He felt his partner's breath hitch, and he paused with only millimeters between them. At this distance, he could clearly see the ring of deepest indigo that encircled the iris of Eisen's violet eyes, his breath fanning across the priest's cheek as he gasped.
"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to! Yasuaki-san, please.." His eyes still shone with unshed tears, and he tried to go on, but the rapt attention in his partner's eyes muddled his thoughts. His heart felt like lead, crushing him inside as he struggled to find the right words. "I thought you were lost," He whispered lamely. "I let my excitement get the better of me, Yasuaki-san."
The man frowned slightly. "Yasuaki." He said quietly.
Eisen's mind skidded to a halt in confusion. "What? Yasuaki-san, are you all.." The priest stilled him with a look.
"Yasuaki." He repeated, his frown deepening. "Not -san. Just Yasuaki will do. There is no need for the honorific. You saved my life," He whispered, "so call me by my name, Eisen."
The younger man nodded slowly. "Yasuaki.." He said, his soft voice belying his thundering pulse.
The priest smiled, his eyes lit with something Eisen could not define. "Yes." He replied, his voice equally low. "Do not be sorry, Eisen. The one who sent me back told me that your breath sustained me. I am grateful to that breath, the lungs that held it, and to the lips that carried it to me. That god may have sent me back, but it was you that held me here."
Eisen's blush deepened. "I couldn't just let you die, not while your heart still beat. I didn't know what else to do."
The older man's face grew serious. "The god did me a great service. The wound, and the poison within it are healed," He paused, his eyes searching. "The final healing was far more than that."
Eisen swallowed hard. "Final healing..?" He asked, his thoughts tangled at the closeness of his partner's face. "What do you mean?"
Yasuaki smiled, his eyes soft. "I had been troubled by a feeling I could not name. The one who healed me asked if I would live for the sake of understanding that feeling."
Eisen nodded, intrigued. "And you said yes?"
He shook his head, tightening his hold just slightly. "I said that I did not have real emotion. I wished to understand, but did not believe it was possible. The god made it possible by finishing our Priestess' work."
Eisen blinked. "Akane-Sama's work? I don't understand.." He murmured. "What did the healing do?"
Yasuaki sighed, his face peaceful. "The god said it would awaken my heart." He pulled one hand back to his chest, his palm resting against his bare skin. "Now I understand." He finished simply.
Eisen released the crumpled fabric he'd been holding, and hesitantly covered the taller man's hand with his own. "What was it?"
Yasuaki spread his fingers, twining their hands together tightly. Using his double hold, he pulled the monk's body down, his lips brushing over his partner's as he whispered his answer.
"I love you."
Eisen whimpered at the almost-contact, his eyes very wide. "Yasuaki.." he stammered, "You..I.." Words failed him utterly as his eyes closed, tears threatening to overflow.
The priest sighed, pulling him down and melding their lips in a gentle kiss. Neither one moved for a long moment, but gradually his instincts asserted themselves, and Eisen pressed forward until he was as close as possible.
His inexperience was almost total, but it didn't seem to matter as his feelings rose up and promptly took control of his mind, leaving no room for thought. He relaxed against his partner, his free hand sliding over Yasuaki's freshly healed back. He marveled at it's smoothness, there was almost no trace of the gash that had almost taken him away forever.
Yasuaki murmured appreciatively, the soft sound sending a shiver down the younger man's body. Reassured by his reaction, Eisen's hesitation disappeared, and his hand moved over his beloved's skin with greater confidence.
They broke apart, breathing deeply. Yasuaki released his partner's hand, raising his own to run gentle fingers over the scrape on his cheek, a look of regret crossing his face. "I am sorry for this," He said "You deserve better."
Eisen shook his head, smiling shyly. "It wasn't your fault. I tried to help you, but all I could do was hurt you. I couldn't just watch you suffer, I had to..I wanted to hold you." He blushed, looking away. "No one wants to be hurt, but being in pain for a little while is better than seeing someone you love suffer like that."
The older man smiled, nodding in agreement. "I understand. That is why I dislike the fact that I caused this." He lifted himself, rising to his knees. "You should have tended to this, and the others. Will you allow me to help you, Eisen?"
The younger man nodded, but his face was troubled. "You don't have to do that, you should rest. I think it could wait until later, Yasuaki-san."
Yasuaki shook his head. "Such beauty should not be left untended, Eisen. Let me do this for you?" He paused. "Is it difficult to say my name? The sound is truly wonderful when you speak it."
Eisen's face heated, and he shook his head quickly. "No! Not at all, I love.." He faltered, his heart in his throat as his partner leaned very close. He glanced away, unnerved.
The priest smiled at his embarrassment, his face showing his amusement. Seeing the cloth near the stream, he reached for it, moving just enough to dip it into the cool water. He rinsed it well, and raised it to gently wipe away the smeared blood on his partner's pale cheek. Satisfied, he pressed a soft kiss to the now-clean wound, hoping it would heal quickly.
Glancing at the younger man's heavy garment, he shook his head. "You should remove this," He murmured, his fingers stroking idly over the fabric of one sleeve. "It will be much easier if you do."
Eisen blushed, nodding his head hesitantly. "Yes, I..probably should..remove it.." His voice caught in his throat as the older man's hand tugged at the front of his robes teasingly.
Smiling in a disarming manner, Yasuaki moved close enough to whisper in the flustered youth's ear as his hands moved slowly downward. "Would you like to do it yourself, Eisen? Or perhaps I should.." He left the statement unfinished.
Eisen shivered, his hands quickly covering his partner's. "It..It's fine, I can manage!" He gasped, his face rivaling the deepest scarlet of any rose in Tachibana's garden.
The priest chuckled quietly, leaning back as Eisen fumbled with the garment's fasteners. Nervously, the younger man undid them and slowly opened the front of his heavy robe, allowing the cloth to slip off of his shoulders and down his arms. The sight of that smooth skin, scored and bleeding, brought a sudden tightness to the older man's chest, and he quickly looked away.
"Don't," Eisen said, his voice breaking, "It isn't your fault, please don't be ashamed Yasuaki." He turned the priest to face him, his voice pleading. "It isn't as bad as it looks, and it will heal. These are nothing compared to... To what happened to you because of me," He said, sadly. "They don't even hurt, so please don't be upset."
The man nodded reluctantly. "I would take them all, if only I had the power," He said, his eyes burning. "I cannot believe that you allowed me to do this to you."
Eisen frowned. "I told you, didn't I? I didn't care! You were in so much pain.. I wanted to help you, but all I could do was hold onto you. Nothing else mattered then, and it doesn't matter now!"
Yasuaki sighed, his hand squeezing the cloth until it dripped. Slowly, he started to wipe at the welts, carefully cleaning them. The scratches on his partner's arms were terrible, both sides bearing a dozen or more, which ran well past the bend of his elbows. His breath catching, Eisen closed his eyes tightly as the priest rinsed the cloth again, preparing to cleanse the wounds on his upper chest.
His face burned as he keenly felt his exposure, gooseflesh rising as the cool air struck the dampness of his skin. He gasped, his eyes opening wide as Yasuaki finished, setting aside the cloth and gathering his shivering body in a tight embrace. Ignoring the slight stinging, he tried to contain a quiet whimper at the feeling of Yasuaki's bare skin against his own. He clamped his lips together and once again closed his eyes, striving for control.
He froze, his heart pounding as he registered the soft heat of the priest's lips against his cheek, and his breath left him in a strangled cry as those lips moved to follow the scrape downward, pressing light open-mouthed kisses to the line of his throat. From that sensitive spot, they travelled slowly to the side, following another scratch across his collarbone. He wrapped both arms around his partner's shoulders, clutching him almost desperately as he panted.
Yasuaki's mouth retraced it's steps, coming to rest beside his ear. His own breathing was harsh, and Eisen shivered anew as the warm air brushed his sensitive earlobe when Yasuaki whispered to him, "Is this all right, Eisen? I will stop if you wish me to."
Eisen shook his head mutely, opening his eyes.
The older man smiled, lifting his face to meet his partner's gaze. "I love you," He mumbled, kissing his flushed cheek. "Did you mean what you said before? Do you love me as well?"
Eisen blinked, shaking himself back to his senses. "More than anything," He breathed, his eyes wide, "I'm so sorry that I kept it from you, but I was afraid that you might.." He stopped, struggling to collect his thoughts.
After a moment, Yasuaki spoke, soothingly. "What were you afraid of, Eisen? Even before I understood this, I would never have harmed you." He lowered his head, resting his face in the crook of the younger man's neck. "I think that I may have lied to the god that saved me. I said that I wished to know the truth of this feeling, even though it was not there before. But when I finally saw for myself that the feeling was love, I could clearly remember having that same feeling over and over."
Eisen pulled away, his eyes shocked. "You felt it before..With others?" He choked, shaking. "Then.. We must stop this! If you had.. Feelings for someone before this, then that's who you should be with, not.." He shook his head in denial. "Yasuaki-san, you should wait and tell them what you felt, you deserve that chance. You can't just forget them because of what you might feel for me now!" He moved back, raising his arms to cover himself, his face averted.
Yasuaki stared at him, becoming alarmed. He reached out, frowning when the smaller man flinched at his touch. "No," He said firmly. "Eisen, I may not have understood before, but nothing changes how I feel. I love you, not someone else. There is no 'chance' for any other."
Eisen winced at the tone of his voice. "Yasuaki-san, I don't doubt that you mean what you say. What you feel may be love, but there are many kinds of love. The kind you feel for me could be fellowship, or brotherly affection. If you have those feelings explained to you properly, you may see me in a completely different way. It's not right for me to simply ignore that, I don't know what I was thinking."
The priest leaned forward intently. "Is your love brotherly, Eisen? Have I done something wrong, forced myself on you? If so, tell me." His partner shook his head quickly.
"No! It isn't like that, you haven't forced anything on me, Yasuaki-san. I haven't been.. Like this with anyone else, but I know that what I feel for you isn't just affection like a brother, or simply deep friendship. I've never had any doubt, but I've had a long time to look at my feelings. You've only had the last few moments, so you can't be held responsible for such a mistake!"
Yasuaki could see that his partner was slowly working himself into a state of self-disgust and anguish. He shook his head, once again reaching out to touch the younger man, refusing to let go as his hand gripped the monk's. "Explain it to me, then," He demanded sharply, hoping to stop Eisen's rising hysteria. "Explain what you feel, and see if I am mistaken."
The youth stared at him almost fearfully. Clearly, his partner was angry, and though Eisen was sure that he would never hurt him, he feared losing the warm trust that had so recently been found. Forcing the fear away, he nodded.
"When I'm with you, I can't stop watching you. Every word you say is like a Sutra, one that I can't forget. I can't really think of anything else, even when you're gone." He blushed. "I..I dream of you, and if you touch me, even by mistake, I forget everything. Nothing matters to me when I'm near you, sometimes I can't catch my breath when I look at you." He closed his eyes, and clenched his hands. "When I think about you hurting, I want to scream. If you hadn't come back.. I think I would have died." He shook his head, ignoring the pain in his chest. "I would do anything to make you happy, to see your smile."
Yasuaki frowned, tightening his grip on the monk's hand. "Is that everything?" He pulled Eisen closer, his face persistent. "That is all of what you feel, and it cannot be anything but real love? Those things make your love for me something beyond family, or friendly love?"
Eisen resisted slightly, finally nodding in defeat. "The difference is that family and friends don't have the same...Effect on you. You don't have need like this for a brother, and a friend doesn't cause you to totally forget yourself. Only the love that you have for another completes you in such a way." He sighed, closing his eyes. "I can't tell you how much I wish for that with you, Yasuaki-san. I would never stop you from finding the one who makes you feel that way. Also, even though it isn't me, I wont lose this feeling. That's how I know." He covered his face in embarrassment as he felt his eyes overflow. "I'm sorry, I can't make it stop," He sobbed, wrapping his arms around himself tightly. "I don't want you to see.."
His tears shocked his partner, and he gasped as a stab of pain blossomed in his chest. "Please don't cry, Eisen," He said, his voice soft. "I do feel all of that, and more. I see what you mean about different types of love, but the knowledge changes nothing. I do not love you like a brother, and a friend's tears would never make me feel like I was dying. Look at me?"
The younger man shook his head, refusing to meet his eyes. "Don't look," He gasped, burrowing even further into himself. "I shouldn't be like this, I don't have the right to feel this way! I was ready to just take advantage of your feelings, Yasuaki-san! I knew that you didn't have anything to compare them to, but I was too caught up in what I wanted. That isn't love, that's selfishness."
Yasuaki shook his head, refusing to be denied. Gently, he gripped the monk's chin in his hand, turning his head. He wiped the trail of tears from his eyes, and pulled the still sobbing man into his lap, his arms tightening protectively as he struggled weakly. "You have more right than anyone, Eisen," He whispered, "You're right, I haven't had anything to compare these feelings with, but that is only because I never felt them with anyone but you."
He sighed, tangling his fingers in the long strands of the younger man's hair. "I know that you think you took advantage of my feelings, but that is untrue. I understand the things you've told me, about family love, friendship..I felt something very close to this for my Master, and I feel something almost the same for our Priestess and the others. Those feelings are simple to define, now." He paused, kissing his partner's temple. "What I feel for you is neither of those things. I've seen you as a friend in the past, someone that I trust and respect. That, too, is different from what I feel now. What you've said does help me to see that I have much to learn, but I still do not doubt myself."
Eisen stiffened in his embrace, pulling away just enough to meet his gaze. "You don't have to do this, Yasuaki-san. If anything, you should be disgusted with me for allowing you to..To.." He trailed off, his face heating as he reminded himself of what they had done, his breath catching at the memory of Yasuaki's pliant mouth and warm hands on him. Shaking away the image, he continued. "I should have stopped you, but I wasn't strong enough. When I felt you die, I think a part of me went mad.."
The priest smiled, surprising him.
"Eisen, the only thing that troubles me now is your pain. I do not wish to see you suffer needlessly. If I had no feelings for you, I would not be here. I came back for this." He paused, his face thoughtful. "I do see that what I feel is not exactly the same as your feelings. I feel the same need to look at you, and I wish to be as close to you as possible." He shook his head, frowning slightly. "But I felt something more than that, when I touched you, and even now when I feel your heartbeat on my skin."
Eisen gasped, his face flaming. "I see.." He mumbled, placing his palm to his partner's chest. "There are.. other things that romantic love can do, I just can't explain them to you very well.." He tried to avoid his partner's eyes. "Romantic love affects you in many ways, Yasuaki-san.. It brings other feelings with it, things like...Like.." He stopped, unable to continue.
Yasuaki shook his head. "Do you feel that as well, Eisen? When you look at me, do you want more than just a glance? Is it enough to be close, or do you feel compelled to touch?" His brow furrowed in thought. "I have that need," He said, stroking the younger man's hair. "I want to touch you, but I also want to feel your hands on me."
The younger man shuddered, trying to ignore the image brought on by his simple statement. "I want.. I mean, I think about it too, but I haven't..." He clutched the priest's hand almost painfully. "It isn't enough, Yasuaki-san. Being here, and just looking is wonderful, but I want so much more than that.." His voice shook, and he cleared his throat. "I shouldn't think about you like that, but I can't help it. I shouldn't be this close, even now, it makes me want to.." Yasuaki released his hand, cupping his face gently.
"Want to what, Eisen?" He whispered, tipping the smaller man's head back, "Does it make you want this?" He pressed his lips to the corner of his partner's mouth, feeling his pulse spike sharply as the monk released a soft whimper. "Is that enough?" He asked, his words sending a wash of heat through the other man's body.
Eisen shivered, his voice deserting him as he shook his head slowly.
Yasuaki sighed, his eyes closing. "It is not enough for me, either." He said, closing the remaining distance between them as he kissed his partner hungrily. Eisen gasped, and Yasuaki took the opportunity to deepen the kiss, gently snaring his full bottom lip with his teeth, nipping the soft flesh. He inhaled sharply as his partner shifted against him, his hands gripping the other man's shoulders as he groaned helplessly.
He buried his hand deeply into the younger man's hair, cupping the back of his head as he pulled away. Breathing harshly, he took in the sight of his partner's flushed face.
"No one else makes me want to do that, Eisen." He said, his voice low. "I know that you believe me to be confused, but even my memories of you carry this feeling. I never felt that for anyone but you."
Eisen stared up at him, shaken. "But..You said that you've felt like this many times.." Yasuaki blinked.
"It was always with you," He said, smiling. "I never had an explanation for it, but it occupied my thoughts for quite some time. Even now, I can think of nothing else." He sighed, pulling the smaller man to him. "Do you understand? Our feelings were always the same, Eisen. The name for it made no difference."
Eisen nodded slowly, his panic replaced with rising gratitude. "Thank you," He said, his voice breathy, "For coming back. I only wish that I knew the name of the one who saved you, to offer my thanks to them forever."
He settled himself into his partner's embrace, and Yasuaki hissed sharply, his arms tightening. Eisen recoiled in alarm. "Am I hurting you? I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to!" He scrambled backwards, but the older man refused to let him escape.
"You did nothing wrong, Eisen. It was me, not you," He said, urging the younger man to relax. "Please don't go."
Eisen frowned, but allowed himself to be held. "Are you sure I'm not hurting you? I can move if I'm heavy."
Yasuaki shook his head firmly. "No, you aren't heavy at all. There was no pain, just a strange feeling when you moved. It was very sudden, and I was surprised."
Eisen blushed, his eyes wide. "I..I'm sorry, Yasuaki-san. I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable.." He moved, more carefully this time, shifting his weight until he managed to slide one leg across his partner's. Fully facing the priest, he smiled hesitantly. "Is this better? I thought maybe.." He trailed off, realizing the position he had taken. He winced, his blush deepening. "I don't mean to be..forward, Yasuaki-san, I just thought it would be..." He shook his head, explaining in a rush. "I can put my weight on the ground, instead of on your legs, see?" He lifted himself, moving slightly as an example.
Yasuaki griped his shoulders, easing him back down. "I see," He mumbled, "But I don't really mind having you here, Eisen." He tugged his partner gently forward, his arms sliding down to wrap around his narrow waist. Eisen shivered at the feeling, resting his head on the taller man's shoulder.
"I like being here," He replied softly. "It feels so good, to be with you like this." He closed his eyes, turning his face into the side of the man's neck. "I love you.." He whispered, pressing his lips gently against the point of Yasuaki's pulse.
The man gasped, his arms clenching almost roughly around Eisen's waist as he pulled him close. The sudden jerk brought the smaller man flush against his body, and he stiffened as a flare of warmth spread through him. Slowly, he shifted his partner again, and was rewarded with a whimper of approval. Cautiously, he slid his hands down to the younger man's hips, repeating the motion.
Eisen shivered, his pulse jumping suddenly at the friction between them. Lifting his head, he sighed, arching his back in silent invitation to continue.
Yasuaki moved again, using his hold on the other to increase the pressure. Eisen cried out sharply, his voice strained.
Nipping the skin of his throat, Yasuaki spoke. "Do you like that, Eisen?" He whispered, rocking his hips upward steadily. "Does it feel good, like this?" His own pulse thundered in his ears, but he clearly heard the monk's gasped reply.
"Yes.. Please, Yasuaki-san, it.. It's.." He moaned, his arms locked around the older man's body as he pressed himself closer. "You feel so good..!"
The older man shivered hard, his thoughts scattered at the onslaught of pure sensation. "Touch me, Eisen," He whispered, "I want to feel your hands.. Everywhere, please.."
His partner nodded jerkily, his hands sliding across the taut lines of the priest's back, covering as much of his sweat-dampened skin as possible.
Eisen panted harshly, barely able to believe that this was, in fact, real. He'd never felt anything like this, so much physical pleasure that it was almost painful. He moved away, just enough to work one hand between them. He continued his rapt exploration of Yasuaki's skin, stroking over his chest and stomach with gentle fingers.
The man arched eagerly into his caresses, his hands tightening almost to the point of bruising. Hearing his lover whimper, he paused, striving to control himself. "I think we should slow down, Eisen." He murmured, "I don't want to hurt you."
Eisen shook his head. "It's all right, Yasuaki-san, I know you don't mean to. Do you want to stop?"
The priest shook his head, shifting his weight until he could get his legs beneath him. Placing one hand on his partner's back, he supported himself with the other, whispering softly. "Hold on to me.." Eisen nodded, tightened his arms.
Yasuaki rose slightly, leaning forward carefully until he could lay the smaller man on the makeshift bed. Resting his weight on his knees, he slid his arm out from under him, freeing his hand to stroke the monk's blushing face. "I want to slow down, take more time with this. You deserve to be loved, Eisen, not ravaged. I'm having some difficulty, because everything you do inflames me."
Eisen nodded, catching his breath. "I feel that too.. Don't worry Yasuaki-san, I want the same thing.. I want to feel everything, please?"
His partner smiled, leaning down to bury his face against the smaller man's neck, inhaling his scent. "Will you call me by my name when I touch you, Eisen?" He asked, his voice husky again, "I would give anything to hear it from your lips.."
The younger man smiled, sighing. "I didn't mean to forget.. Everything is so new, I can't think. I'll say it if you wish me to, but you don't have to give me anything, because this is all I want." He embraced his lover tightly, thoroughly enjoying the warmth of his body.
Yasuaki nodded, sinking deeper into his partner's hold. Nuzzling at his neck, he kissed his way upwards, pausing long enough to murmur into his ear. "Say it for me?"
Eisen gasped at the decidedly erotic tone, his eyes closing as he whispered. "Yasuaki.." Trembling slightly, he cleared his throat. "Yasuaki." He repeated, his voice stronger. "I won't forget again."
The older man sighed with satisfaction, lifting his head to see the expression on his partner's face. "Thank you." He said, pressing their mouths together. Eisen responded eagerly, parting his lips in wordless encouragement.
Yasuaki accepted his invitation, laving his tongue gently over his partner's bottom lip. He moaned softly in surprise when he felt Eisen's tentative response, delving deeper to fully explore his mouth.
Eisen tightened his grip, his senses aflame at the feeling of Yasuaki's gentle probing. He moved his hands down to the taller man's hips, pulling their bodies together as he drew up his legs to enfold him.
They broke apart, gasping at the sensation. His eyes wide, Yasuaki shifted his weight, bearing down against the other's pliant body. Eisen made a ragged sound, arching his back in response. The priest moaned quietly, resting his forehead against the monk's cheek as he rocked against him with renewed intensity.
He forced himself to remain gentle, determined to give as much pleasure to his beloved as possible. The younger man's sharp whimpers assured him that his efforts were not in vain. Lifting his face, he slowed his movements to speak softly into his partner's small ear. "Is this what you wanted, Eisen? Is it enough, to share this with me?"
Eisen cried out, his voice high in his daze. "Yes, oh yes..Please.! I want..." He gasped, struggling to form words to define his almost desperate need. "I wanted this with you, only you... Yasuaki, please.!"
The older man groaned, his stomach tightening harshly at his lover's pleading cries. Lifting himself with one hand, he jerked almost viciously at the torn remains of his clothing, quickly divesting himself of the ruined upper half. His breathing shallow, he slid his free hand over his partner's damp skin, pushing his bothersome robes away to reach more of him.
Eisen arched into his touch, gripping his waist tightly. "Take them..off," He panted, "I want to feel you, Yasuaki.." He pulled away, just enough to slide one hand down to reach the fastenings that remained, tugging them loose. Lifting his hips, he urged his partner to assist. "Please, help me?"
Yasuaki nodded eagerly, pulling cautiously at the tangled material until it slid from beneath the monk's raised body. Shoving them aside, he leaned forward to taste his lover's newly exposed skin, his hands running over the slight dip of his waist as he placed one arm under his hips to lift him closer.
Eisen's arms loosened, his hands dropping to clench the material beneath him as he shook. The feeling of the older man's skin against him was incredible. With only the thinnest of barriers between them, he could clearly feel the heat of his lover's body, a sensation that made his toes curl.
Yasuaki traced the line of his partner's breastbone with his lips, his heart beating so quickly that he felt lightheaded. He knew that he should restrain himself, but the small noises from the other man were intoxicating. Every shiver and jerk was like a blade that slowly ate away at the last strands of his control, urging him into desperation. He leaned into his lover's body, failing to stifle a low moan at the feeling of his warmth. Only the man's thin undergarment and his own trousers separated them, and he could clearly feel the evidence of his partner's arousal against him as he pressed forward.
Eisen released the tight grip he held on the blankets, his hands resuming their exploration of the priest's back and sides. Gently, he urged the man down to cover him. Wrapping his legs around Yasuaki's hips, he arched away from the ground in a silent plea for more contact.
The older man complied, moving against him as he whispered quietly into his hair. "Is this good, Eisen? I don't really know what to do, tell me?" He shifted his hands, cupping his partner's behind as he thrust down, drawing a startled cry from the smaller man. Eisen's legs tightened around his waist, his voice shaking.
"Please.. don't stop, it feels so good.. I ..!" He gasped loudly, bucking upwards. "I can't wait, if you keep moving like that I'm going to..to.." He shook his head frantically, denying his need. "I want it to be with you! Yasuaki, please don't hold yourself back, I want to share this with you!"
Yasuaki groaned, quickening his pace to match his lover's urgent pleas. He knew that something was building, and he understood that Eisen was very close to losing control of himself in his pleasure. He could feel his own limit approaching, some intangible drive that shrieked for release as his movements turned almost violent in their intensity.
Eisen's arms shook, his hands locked to his partner's back as he cried his name over and over, his voice echoing in the cave's dark stillness. Closing his eyes, Yasuaki buried his face in the curve of his lover's throat as he growled low in reply, his breath coming in hoarse pants. His stomach tightened almost painfully, and he gasped as he was consumed by an overwhelming wave of feeling, his hands clenching convulsively around Eisen's hips as he moaned his name in astonishment.
The monk very nearly screamed in completion, his back arched to the breaking point as he clutched the shaking body of his lover to himself before collapsing bonelessly. He shuddered, feeling his pulse slowly return to normal as they lay entangled in the semi-darkness. Unable to believe what had just happened, he stared wide-eyed at the rock overhead, fearful of the older man's reaction. Would he be angry, or confused?
He closed his eyes, praying that Yasuaki would allow him to explain before the anger or bewilderment took it's toll. He doubted that the man had truly intended for this to happen, for he knew that the formerly deadened state of Yasuaki's emotions would have never induced a desire so strong. Burying his face against the priest's neck, he decided that even if they shouldn't have done those things, just being close to him was enough.
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Ha, you have NO idea how hard it was to actually end this chapter! Get this: I even cut the last HALF off of it, and started another chapter, which is now 13000+words alone! Gah, I'm going to have to dice that one up as well, I just can't seem to write brief sex! XD I wonder if that's a bad thing ^_^.. Oh well, here you have it, Hopefully the next chapter will end much more quickly. (And YES, there is ACTUAL honest-to-god smut in that one!) Stay tuned for more, hope you enjoyed this! Please review, I live on feedback!