Hellsing Fan Fiction ❯ Advice...Hellsing style ❯ Alucard ( Chapter 1 )
[ Y - Young Adult: Not suitable for readers under 16 ]
By: SiriousB1 
Someone's stalking Alucard!
Anime/Manga: Hellsing Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Comedy | Type: Self Insertion | Uploaded On: 09.21.2003 | Pages: 1 | Words: 600 | Visits: 983 | Status: Completed
Someone's stalking Alucard!
Anime/Manga: Hellsing Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Comedy | Type: Self Insertion | Uploaded On: 09.21.2003 | Pages: 1 | Words: 600 | Visits: 983 | Status: Completed
Thank you to Little Master for your character idea.
A/N to Little Master: Make fun of Angel and Spike? Me? Nah, how could I do that to two of the sexiest vampires out there? When I said that Buffy had slept with them enough times, I was just using it as an example. But, come on! You have to admit that I was being honest!
Dear SiriousB1,
There is this guy, right? I won't say his name, but let's just say he walks around incognito. (HINT, HINT!) So, as I was saying, this guy follows me around everywhere. I really am beginning to think that he is stalking me. Now, I have two reasons as to why he might be stalking me. The first is that he wants to kill me. I know because he told me so. But, I'm afraid that this might just have been a cover-up for my second reason: the fact that he might like me. Now, I personally am not gay, but I'm thinking that I might have the kind of effect on men that leaves them with something happy in their pants. I mean, I have the potential! My master and my other vampire fried both are female and they swoon over me constantly. So, why shouldn't guys love me?! Um...did I really say that? Moving along, I am beginning to become exceptionally nervous about him stalking me because yesterday I found out that he doesn't wear anything under that trench coat of his! And, no, I did not find out because I tried looking! (Fucking perverts...) But, as I was resting on a bench last night, basking in the moonlight, he ran up to me. He opened his coat (which had been wrapped tightly around him), yelled, "Greetings from New York!" did a little dance to emphasize his member (which is not that big, by the way) and ran away! The man is a maniac! The fact that he paints purple stripes all over his bare skin doesn't discourage that fact, either! He's really beginning to make me nervous, if not paranoid. What can I do to get rid of this psychotic, stalker vampire?
Yours truly,
Stalked Protestant Master Vampire
Dear Master Vampire,
Well, that was an odd letter. A stalker, huh? You're right; he sounds like a crazy. I don't think I've ever heard of a combination stalker/ flasher. But, hey! There's a first for everything, right? There are several options for you to get rid of this stalker. One: Kill him. Two: Ask him to leave you alone. I'm surprised that you haven't tried this option yet. You'd think that would be the first thing you'd do! Three: Report to the CIA or FBI or whoever handles these sort of things. Let them figure it out. Or, last but not least...Four: Go to some sort of government agency (I'm not sure if it's one of the ones listed above or someone entirely different) and get them to change your name, appearance, etc. Like Arnold Schwarzenegger's profession in the movie Eraser. You get what I'm talking about? Anyway, that is all I can think of. I'd say your best bet is number one. I mean, I'm sure option number three would handle killing him too, but if you do it yourself you don't have to pay anyone. Or, at least, you won't have to let anyone else in on the embarrassing topic of being stalked by a midnight flasher.
Sincerely,
SiriousB1
A/N to Little Master: Make fun of Angel and Spike? Me? Nah, how could I do that to two of the sexiest vampires out there? When I said that Buffy had slept with them enough times, I was just using it as an example. But, come on! You have to admit that I was being honest!
Dear SiriousB1,
There is this guy, right? I won't say his name, but let's just say he walks around incognito. (HINT, HINT!) So, as I was saying, this guy follows me around everywhere. I really am beginning to think that he is stalking me. Now, I have two reasons as to why he might be stalking me. The first is that he wants to kill me. I know because he told me so. But, I'm afraid that this might just have been a cover-up for my second reason: the fact that he might like me. Now, I personally am not gay, but I'm thinking that I might have the kind of effect on men that leaves them with something happy in their pants. I mean, I have the potential! My master and my other vampire fried both are female and they swoon over me constantly. So, why shouldn't guys love me?! Um...did I really say that? Moving along, I am beginning to become exceptionally nervous about him stalking me because yesterday I found out that he doesn't wear anything under that trench coat of his! And, no, I did not find out because I tried looking! (Fucking perverts...) But, as I was resting on a bench last night, basking in the moonlight, he ran up to me. He opened his coat (which had been wrapped tightly around him), yelled, "Greetings from New York!" did a little dance to emphasize his member (which is not that big, by the way) and ran away! The man is a maniac! The fact that he paints purple stripes all over his bare skin doesn't discourage that fact, either! He's really beginning to make me nervous, if not paranoid. What can I do to get rid of this psychotic, stalker vampire?
Yours truly,
Stalked Protestant Master Vampire
Dear Master Vampire,
Well, that was an odd letter. A stalker, huh? You're right; he sounds like a crazy. I don't think I've ever heard of a combination stalker/ flasher. But, hey! There's a first for everything, right? There are several options for you to get rid of this stalker. One: Kill him. Two: Ask him to leave you alone. I'm surprised that you haven't tried this option yet. You'd think that would be the first thing you'd do! Three: Report to the CIA or FBI or whoever handles these sort of things. Let them figure it out. Or, last but not least...Four: Go to some sort of government agency (I'm not sure if it's one of the ones listed above or someone entirely different) and get them to change your name, appearance, etc. Like Arnold Schwarzenegger's profession in the movie Eraser. You get what I'm talking about? Anyway, that is all I can think of. I'd say your best bet is number one. I mean, I'm sure option number three would handle killing him too, but if you do it yourself you don't have to pay anyone. Or, at least, you won't have to let anyone else in on the embarrassing topic of being stalked by a midnight flasher.
Sincerely,
SiriousB1