Hellsing Fan Fiction ❯ Forsaken ❯ Trust ( Chapter 1 )

AN: Standard disclaimers apply - Hellsing isn't mine. And this fic will eventually contain adult situations so please read responsibly. Kiddies, this isn't for you.

Thanks for reading!

FORSAKEN

By Stella

Chapter 1 - Trust

The whole house is quiet except for the feverish wheeze of Integra's breathing. She tosses and turns in the hours just before dawn, somewhere between sleep and terror. It is strange to me to sense fear within my Master. Her usually strong voice mumbles a weak and indistinguishable collection of protests; her whole body shakes as I stand over her.

What is it this time? Which dark scene is filling her head? I know them all. I've seen them with her, time and again. Is it the nightmare where she kills her father? Or another in which all of Hellsing crumbles and falls into a sea of blood around her while all she can do is watch? Perhaps it is when she must watch herself transforming into a ghoul. She reaches for her silver gun, choosing to die rather than meet this fate, but as she presses the cold steel to her temple her fingers will not respond and squeeze the trigger.

Yes. That one.

I reach out and run my gloved hand over her forehead. I trace a line down across her cheek, over her jaw and brush a few strands of damp blond hair away from her neck. She begins to rest easier at my touch, but her relief is not complete, so I lean in and whisper to her. I have never been one for words of comfort, and Integra has never been one to want them. My phrase is always this simple one.

"I am here, my Master."

That is all she needs to know. The air in the room seems to lighten and Integra's breathing slowly returns to normal. I straighten my posture but do not move away from the bed. She needs me for a few more minutes to act as the sentinel that guards her world of dreams. My master's unconscious mind is not a foreign land to me, in all the years that I have been her servant I have reached deep inside it, but now, being in this room. I admit that at times I still regard it as a strange place. A strange place to be welcome.

It was when she called on me to save her from the dreams that I was allowed to enter her bedroom. Oh of course, I had been inside before; stolen moment here and there on restless nights when the curse of immortal boredom had descended upon me. I've always enjoyed watching my master when I was not needed for a mission, especially when she would be asleep; peaceful, at rest, oblivious and so helpless. Holding myself back in each instance was both excruciating and exquisite torture all at once. So many times, how easy it would have been to press my weight upon her, pin her down and sink my fangs into her delicious, untouched flesh. Scenes played out before my eyes so vividly that sometimes I could almost taste her blood and feel the warmth of her human body wrapped around me. But the first night she had no interest in that. All she wanted to do was sleep.

* * * * *

"Alucard... I require your assistance this evening."

Integra was slumped in the large chair behind her desk with sore, tired eyes squinting at me from behind her glasses. At that time, a few months ago, I knew that my Master had not slept well in weeks. The doctors tried giving her pills - she hated taking them - at best they left her feeling even more tired and detached than she had felt the night before. The dreams were from stress, anxiety, unresolved "issues" and repressed memories. It didn't matter what the medical establishment told her. They couldn't help. It was maddening to Integra that there was something that the seemingly indomitable Hellsing will could not conquer. Simple dreams, petty nightmares. But they were relentless, almost as if an unseen enemy was attacking her mind every time she closed her eyes. The words she spoke, unconvincing and quiet as they were, were an order. It wasn't for her personally so much as it was for the good of the organization. The leader of Hellsing must be able to perform her duties.

At least that's what Integra was telling herself at the time.

She rose unsteadily from her chair and bade me silently to follow. It was well after midnight and the darkness had nestled itself into every nook and corner of main house's top floor. It had been a long while since I'd actually walked the corridors; I had forgotten the time it took to navigate them. We finally arrived at her quarters and she opened the tall doors without looking back at me. Her pale hand shook from the effort, but she didn't even seem aware of it. I moved in closely behind. Her steps were slow; every footfall made her exhausted muscles ache and scream for rest.

"Wait here." She walked away from me and towards the windows on the far wall. When the drapes were pushed back, they afforded her a nearly panoramic view of London. Even when there was no moon, the lights of the city shone brightly in the distance. I watched her move forward, the shape of her body silhouetted against the light coming into the room. Her long hair was pushed to one side and my eyes followed the curve of her throat and shoulders. The suit she wore that day hugged her tightly around the waist and hips. I've always liked that one. It seemed to give away a bit of a secret: That beneath the coarse woolen fabric, cigar smoke and ill-tempered words there was something soft and delicate. It was often hidden from the outside world but it was there for those with eyes sharp enough to see it. Perhaps mere human eyes were not enough.

'Wait here,' she had told me.

"My Master, I have spent my entire existence waiting for you."

Integra froze in the center of the room when I said this. She stood still - so still I thought that perhaps she had just fallen asleep on her feet. I crept in a bit closer and she finally spoke, as if sensing my approach.

"Alucard. What are you talking about? Am I dreaming again?"

"No. You are very much awake."

She didn't move, so I did, gliding quickly to her side in order to better receive my instructions. My Master kept her face hidden from me, and talked it seemed, to the night air and the night air alone.

"I have never been afraid, truly afraid of anything, in all these years with all of the horrors we've encountered."

The soft light coming in from the outside made the blue behind her glasses glow almost like liquid silver through the darkness. She turned around and fixed her stare on me. The words that followed were not spoken out loud. I knew she hadn't intended for me to hear them.

"I'm afraid to close my eyes."

I smiled. At my Master's weakness and pain, I smiled; because now she was mine. Integra was always intended to belong to me. "You are not truly afraid of these dreams," I whispered. "But you are tired of them. I can help you, Master."

I reached out for her. My fingertips came to rest on her shoulder. I could feel the heat of her living flesh rising up through the cloth of her jacket. Her posture became more rigid under my touch and she shrugged away. "This is not your purpose, Alucard, nor is it your problem. It is mine. I can find better uses for your time and energy. You may leave."

She was fighting, resisting. Of course, she wouldn't be a Hellsing if she didn't. I felt the grin forming across my face.

"You said that you required my assistance."

"That was my miscalculation," she spat out, her back to me once again. "I no longer need you here tonight. You may return to your quarters."

"You don't want me to."

Her entire being trembled now. The rage was rolling under her skin with the force of an angry sea. "Alucard, I am exhausted. Do not argue with me. I told you to--"

"I know what you need, my Master."

"I need not be trifled with. Don't make me repeat myself."

She fell silent when I wrapped my long arms around her, trapping her at the waist and across the chest when I pressed myself against her from behind. I could feel her pulse; the beat of her heart and the sweet scent life rising from her body. I closed my eyes as she struggled against me, letting my fingers travel over the fabric of her suit. I deftly unraveled her blue tie. It dropped to the floor, with the gold cross pin gleaming atop the pile of silk. Next I opened the buttons of her jacket, then her shirt.

I knew she wanted to swear at me. Or shoot me. But then again, she hadn't yet told me to stop. She gave another tug against the prison of my arms and I couldn't help but laugh. The exhaustion she felt was plunging her mind into a haze and she was fighting to see through it. It was then that something returned to me, something I only feel in regards to my Master. Above my own desire for her, I wanted to ease her pain. Beyond my lust and hunger, I wanted her mind to be at peace. This regard for another had never been a part of me, as a vampire or even as a human. How it was that she did this to me, I didn't know. Perhaps through our eternity we will unravel the mystery together.

"Alucard."

She was calling for me. I touched my lips to the softness of her neck and her body instantly relaxed and molded into mine. It's sometimes described as "the swoon" or "the faint" - the state of listlessness a vampire's victim falls into before we drink. But tired as my Master was, she battled against it, using the last of her strength to maintain her tenuous grasp on consciousness.

It only made me want her more.

I slid her jacket off. My mouth never left the side of her throat, but traveled upwards until I knew she felt my breath against her cheek. "Trust me, Integra. You have trusted me with your life for ten years, this is no different."

She turned her head. I knew she was staring at the slip of new moon visible just outside the glowing panes of glass beside us. The leader of Hellsing was considering how it went against everything she'd been taught to believe. Soon, I felt the resistance cease. My Master knew as well as I did: we were each other's exceptions to the rules that governed our existence.

I leaned in again, pushing away long layers of hair that had tumbled down and obstructed my access. She closed her eyes and waited, shivering slightly when my lips found her neck again, hovering over the skin and searching for just the right spot.

"Not too much," her mind warned me. I heard myself chuckle.

"Just a taste is all I want, and all I need to help you."

She gave a nod and I struck. Warm, rich blood rushed into my mouth. Her blood - so familiar; the memory of it had been etched into my senses for the last ten years. Having it again reminded me of what I felt that night in the dungeon. We saved one another, my Master and I. And to this day, that has not changed.

True to my word, I took little more than merely a taste of her blood that night, and every night there after. I would fold her into my embrace and send her into the vampiric sleep where no dreams could touch her. She would fall limp against me, her weight seeming like nothing to me when I scooped her up and carried her to the large bed against the wall. I would wait for however long it took to make her mine completely.

And so it continued, in the hours before dawn when my missions were finished and my Master could work no more, she would lead me to her room and there we stayed together. She didn't know I would remain just to watch her sleep. I sat alone by the fire with my bottle of wine, staring at the wounds on her neck and running my tongue over my lips to catch the lingering taste of her. When the daylight would begin to trickle in from the gaps in the curtains, I retired to my coffin and slept my own sleep, willing the hours to pass quickly until it would be that time again tomorrow night.

* * * * *

I can sense the approach of the dawn now. Another night has passed, or so it seems, and I am left still biding my time. I had hoped she would wake and ask for me to come to her. Funny, this human woman - she can give a monster like me something to hope for.

My Master is still asleep, though she is aware of my nearness. The nightmares have long since passed, but her body is tense once again as if something else is now keeping her from peaceful rest. The covers fall away and her bare arms reach up for me and find the jacket I had yet to shed after this evening's duties in the field. I allow her to pull me down to her side and onto the bed. Her uncovered hand falls against my cheek and her fingers twist into my hair. I have no choice but to move closer. Does she ever wonder if her trust has been misplaced?

Her lips are parted in slumber, but even still invite me in for a kiss. A small sound escapes them when I curl my arm around Integra and bring her to me. My mouth brushes hers and the desire that has welled inside of me for the last twenty-four hours threatens to take hold and consume me. I can take no liberties - or can I? A small amount blood bubbles up from the marks on her neck and I spring forward before I can stop myself.