Hellsing Fan Fiction ❯ Introspection ❯ Chapter 1 ( Chapter 1 )

Introspection

Standard Disclaimer: I do not own Hellsing (wish I did), nor do I own the song It's Been Awhile (Staind rocks!) Blah, blah, blah… yadda, yadda, yadda….

Warning: This is my first Hellsing fic. I recently celebrated my birthday, and my loving husband got the complete Hellsing DVD set for me (he's so sweet!), and I love the characters. Hopefully this attempt isn't too pitiful.

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Alucard sat alone in his chambers, running his fingers over a piece of formerly blessed silver, the blessing having been removed at his request so he would be able to touch the object without singing himself. If one looked closely, that person could tell it was one of the spent rounds used by the elite member of Hellsing's `Trash Cleaning' Division. Alucard had never felt the need to keep such trinkets from his kills, but this particular bullet changed his undead existence. This was the bullet that ripped through the lung of Seras Victoria and paved the way for her to enter the realm of the undead. He ran one of hands through his raven black hair, moving it out of his eyes, as he reflected the events of the past few months.

In the months that passed since the incident at the Tower of London, there had been an increase in freak activities due to Sir Integra's month long incarceration. Rebuilding the ranks of Hellsing, even with the Queen's announcement clearing the Hellsing Organization from all charges, was proving rather difficult. Frankly, Alucard enjoyed the extra bloodshed as a result, not to mention provided the extra push his apprentice needed to come to terms with what she was. The Police Girl had been steadily improving since the encounter with Incognito and showed much promise to becoming the `No Life Queen' Alucard envisioned.

Alucard reached over to a stereo system located on a table next to his coffin, and the room filled with the sounds of Staind's It's Been Awhile. Not many knew of his affinity for music, especially rock; it helped him to unwind as well as focus on certain subjects. This particular song always brought to mind the young vampire in his charge, Seras Victoria. Alucard began softly singing along to the lyrics as visions of Seras ran through his mind.

"It's been awhile since I could hold my head up high,

And it's been awhile since I first saw you."

Alucard smiled as he remembered their first encounter outside the village of Cheddar, and her subsequently shooting him in his shoulder.

"And it's been awhile since I could stand on my own two feet again,

And it's been awhile since I could call you.

"And everything I can't remember

As fucked up as it all may seem

The consequences that are rendered

I've stretched myself beyond my means.

"It's been awhile since I could say I wasn't addicted

And it's been awhile since I could say I love myself as well

And it's been awhile since I've gone and fucked things up just like I always do

And it's been awhile but all that shit seems to disappear when I'm with you."

He closed his eyes as he remembered Seras rushing to bring him more ammunition during his fight with Incognito and how she held onto him when she believed he was dead on the Tower's floor.

"And everything I can't remember

As fucked up as it all may seem

The consequences that are rendered

I've gone and fucked things up again.

"Why must I feel this way?

Just make this go away

Just one more peaceful day."

Visions of Seras' face as she looked to him for approval or in admiration flitted through his mind. Her innocence and trust were extremely rare qualities in the world they lived in.

"It's been awhile since I could look at myself straight

And it's been awhile since I said I'm sorry

And it's been awhile since I've seen the way the candles light your face

And it's been awhile but I can still remember just the way you taste."

Alucard smiled softly as he remembered how the light of the moon and the still burning candles illuminated Seras' beautiful features the night he changed her. He licked his lips at the thought of his fangs breaking the skin of her delicate neck and the remembered taste of her sweet, warm blood filling his mouth.

"And everything I can't remember

As fucked up as it all may seem to me I know it's me,

I cannot blame this on my father

He did the best he could for me.

"It's been awhile since I could hold my head up high,

And it's been awhile since I said I'm sorry," Alucard whispered the final phrase of the song.

The No Life King sat up and poured a blood pack into an awaiting wine glass. He took a drink as he reflected how much his lonely existence had changed since the introduction of the Police Girl. Human emotions that were buried under his vampiric nature for hundreds of years began to bubble back towards the surface. So alien were these feelings that Alucard was utterly confused on how to act. He felt something similar when Integra awakened him ten years ago, the need to protect her from harm. Over time that need was forged into a bond similar to an older brother watching and antagonizing his younger, spoiled sister. After bringing Seras into the world of the undead, Alucard felt that same need towards the young vampire, only it ran much deeper. He craved to feel her body safely cradled in his arms, to run his fingers through her soft strawberry blonde locks…

Alucard's crimson eyes grew wide, and he set his glass down on the table with trembling fingers as he finally realized what it was that he has felt towards her all this time. "I… I love her," he whispered. Alucard's gloved hand went to his forehead in total shock and disbelief; he had given up the entire notion of love after his initial capture by Integra's ancestor and had resigned himself to his solitary existence in the service of the Hellsing Organization. Alucard removed his hand from his face and stared at the sigils on the back of his glove.

"There is no possibility she could ever feel anything for such an inhuman being," he smirked. "She probably only sees me as an unfeeling monster that she is bound to serve." Alucard exhaled sharply through his nose and with a thoughtful expression, phased his body out of existence.

A slightly damp Seras Victoria closed the door to her chambers and, having just returned from the shower, was dressed in only her nightgown and robe. As she put away her toiletries and clothes, Seras stumbled upon a thick sketchbook in one of her drawers. "I haven't messed with this thing for a while," she muttered, and with a grin Seras found a pencil and sat down with the book on her bed. She rarely had a chance to draw, her time being occupied with what she was expected to do, kill freaks and ghouls. Seras slowly flipped through the drawings she created since her transfer to Hellsing. There was one of Walter with his `lethal dental floss', as she liked to call it, stretched between his hands, another of Sir Integra sitting at her desk with a cigar in hand, and another of her former commander, Peter Ferguson, looking off in the distance, head held high with pride. The majority of her drawings seemed to center around a certain individual, though. A face she had memorized every detail, one that she yearned to look towards her with love and compassion instead of amusement or disappointment, the face of her master, Alucard.

Seras tapped her pencil against the sketchbook's edge as she reluctantly sipped from her blood pack. She had finally accepted the part of her that needed blood but still tried to avoid the matter. It sometimes still took prodding from Walter or Alucard to get her to drink her daily ration, but she grudgingly began to do it on her own. As she swallowed, an idea dawned in her mind for her next artistic venture, and Seras began to sketch out the familiar figure of her master on the blank sheet.

Seras' brow furrowed in concentration as she formed his face, especially his eyes. For an hour and a half, she did not let her pencil leave the paper, and as a finishing touch, Seras signed and dated her work. She smiled as she traced the figure on the paper with her finger. "Good night, my master," she whispered softly as she set the book on her nightstand and lay down to her daily rest.

As the coffin lid closed with the coming of the dawn, a dark shadow formed and then melted into shades of deep red. Alucard stood still for a moment and then reached for her sketchbook. Never before had he seen such a realistic and detailed drawing up close, and what helped to perplex the master vampire was that the picture was of him. Alucard had stayed invisible when he saw the Police girl begin to draw, not wanting to break the careful concentration she showed. The final picture showed Alucard sitting on a desk with his right foot setting on the desk surface while his left hung down touching the floor. His sunglasses, hat, and coat sat on the desk behind him, and his tie flowed freely, undone from its usual bow, framing the open buttons of his shirt. His left arm rested on his left leg while his right was propped upon his bent knee, and in that gloved hand, he held a single rose.

"I never knew she could do this," Alucard said quietly as he flipped through the pages of the book. Her vampiric abilities allowed her to render details that the best human artists could only hope to achieve, especially with the short amount of time devoted to each drawing. That was when he noticed something a bit odd. He noticed that the majority of the drawings there, at least 85%, were of him. "She couldn't possibly…."

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Well, that's it. I'm not sure if I should continue this or not. I know that there isn't any action and not even much talking, but I'd appreciate some feedback to let me know if I should even bother continuing it.

Thanks!