Hellsing Fan Fiction ❯ Sentimental Psychopathic Priests ❯ spp2 ( Chapter 2 )

[ Y - Young Adult: Not suitable for readers under 16 ]

Disclaimer: why don't Mr. fork and miss outlet like each other?? I don't know either, I think it has to do with pretty sparks..not that has to do with the disclaimer, but anyways, I don't own hellsing

Chapter 2: the switch made, 6 days late

Alexander sighed heavily as he laid down on his bed, it had been a week since London, the strange elf woman was far from his head, he was tired now, having spent nearly three days up, and having to hear Maxwell rant and rave when he got back was not his idea of fun. More killing vampires was his kind of fun. He groaned lightly as he rolled over falling slowly to sleep.

When Alexander awoke he could swear it morning, but it was dark, very dark. he must have been tired last night he thought as he sat up banging his head against something hard, he cussed as he rubbed his head, he felt around noticing he was in a closed place, but not just any he could swear it was a coffin. he growled in his throat he tried to find a way to open to coffin but to no hope, the then started to pound on it, screaming cusses and a whole lot of other unnecessary words

Alexander: if this is someone's idea of a joke this is a very sick on, let me out okay, this isn't funny anymore.

This continued for a few more minutes till the lid slowly opened, before it could fully opened he rolled out.

Alexander: about bloody time, who the fuck did that

Slowly Alexander got to his feet, looking around, the room was not his own, a small table and chair lied in the middle of the room, the bed behind him, a small nightstand by the bed. The only other occupant of the room was the elderly butler of the hellsing, or so Alexander recalled

Alexander: so its you, I wondered who was involved

The elder butler aka Walter: I am sorry miss. Victoria, but I am afraid I don't know what you are talking about

Alexander: for starters I am not a miss I am a sir, and my name is Alexander Anderson from section thirteen of the Iscariot

Walter stood there staring at alexander in disbelief

Alexander: what? Do I have something on my face

Walter: are you feeling okay miss?

Alexander: I am just fine and for the last time I am a man, a manly manly man

Walter stood there a few minutes before he broke out laughing

Walter: you had me there miss. Victoria

Alexander: what do you mean

Walter: oh the joke you just played, I never knew you had such a sence of humor in you

Alexander: no joke I am Alexander Anderson, why just look at me, how can I not be him

Walter: well for starters Alexander Anderson is male, second his hair is a lighter blonde, and his eyes are green, oh and he has a scar and look like a escaped mental patient

Alexander: I am not a escaped mental patient, the let me out on good behavior, second if I wasn't male I wouldn't have a man part

Walter: if you have any man parts under those clothes I am seriously going to doubt my sexuality, so are half the troops

Alexander: what the hell do you mean, I am who I say I am, just look at my hair

It was then our favorite maniac noticed his hair was a redder blonde then it should be, then something hit him, his voice was a few more pitches higher then usual

Walter: well you could have fooled me

Walter then turned walking out tired of the small joke he was half way down the hall when he heard a ear deafening scream, he turned running towards the scream. Meanwhile back in the room, Alexander and noticed his body changed it didn't feel right, he lifted his hands to his face feeling it, it felt more soft, more like a woman's face, and there was no scar there, he then looked down noticing two large things abstracting his view from the floor, it was then he let out a loud scream and fainted.

Meanwhile somewhere else Ceras Victoria, slowly awoke, she felt slightly tired which was usually unlike her, she rolled over sitting up in the bed, she sighed lightly, she opened her eyes, to no use the world was blurred to her, she could not understand this. She stood up from what she could see the floor was farther then she remembered, now that she looked around, the room she was in seemed different, it had a window, It was sunny out, why she did not turn to dust was a mystery, she looked down again noticing two very large things gone, she let out a scream. It was only minutes later the door flew opened, in stepped the second worst priest in the world Enrico Maxwell

Maxwell: what happened?

Ceras: what are you doing here?

Maxwell: you screamed I came running.. .. .. don't tell me it is another spider?

Ceras: why would I a vampire be scared of a spider.. .. .. .. what are you doing in hellsing?

Maxwell: are you feeling okay, do you wish me to get a doctor

Ceras: yes.. something terrible has happened

Maxwell: which is?

Ceras: someone has amputated my breasts

Maxwell stood there for a few minutes shocked

Ceras: what?

Maxwell: you never had breasts.. unless you got a sex change sometime I never knew about, which may explain why you have a strange obsession of the hellsing lapdog

Ceras: what?

Maxwell: noting Alexander, you need some sleep

With this he turned to leave, Ceras was now very confused, she looked around seeing a pair of glasses thinking it a good idea she put them on, looking into the mirror this was a very bad mistake, instead of a woman looking back, there was a man, a very familiar blonde man, she let out another scream this time fainting.

Back at hellsing slowly Alexander awoke very slowely his head hurt

Alexander: what happened

Male voice: you fainted

Alexander: why

Male voice: I don't know you tell me

Alexander opened his eyes now it all came back, having seen that he was no longer a male he had screamed then fainted

Alexander: where am I

Alexander looked around seeing that old butler guy again

Walter: did you have a slight forget of memory when you fainter miss.Victoria

Alexander in ceras's body: I am Anderson, Anderson not Victoria

Walter: right

Strange voice: I wonder what she has been drinking and can I have some

Walter: Alucard, what do you want

Slowly he materialized through the roof, standing in front of Alexander a smug smile on his lips, as soon as he had two feet on the floor, alexander did not delay to lounge itself at the no life king wrapping her hands around his throat

Alexander: your fault your fault

It took about five mintues and a lot of chanting of this is all your fault and many cusses, before poor walter pried the now changed in body alexander from poor alucard

Alucard after getting attacked: what was that for

Alexander: this is all your fault

Alucard and Walter: what is

Alexander: you must have switched my body with your little pets, now look at me

Alucard: is she feeling well

Walter: she thinks she is Alexander Andersons

Alexander: I am him, now look at me

Alucard: really, well for starters Alexander, your breasts are humongous,

Alexander: thanks for pointing out the obvious to me

Alucard: you are welcome

Alexander: change me back please

Alucard: are you that desperate.. well Alexander, I cant

Walter whispering to alucard: you believe her

Alucard: in truth no, I am only going with the flow

Alexander: I heard that

Both men sighed

Alucard: well Alexander if that is truly you, tell me something no one else has ever known

Alexander thought for along time in till, all he could remember was three different embarrassing occasions

Alucard: well

Alexander: well there was that one time 'mumble' mumble' or that other 'mumble' 'mumble' or how about 'mumble' 'mumble'

Walter: what was that

Alucard: sorry I could not hear you

Alexander: and that one time, you were mistaken for a stalker and I was mistaken for your serial killer, we were both arrested and Maxwell had to pay bail for us.. Don't know why he paid for you

Alucard: you could have easily looked in my police record

Walter: can't imagine why you were mistaken

Alexander now red in the face: okay I remember once when we first met I was at a gay bar trying to kill this vampire, and you walked up to me hitting on me

Alucard had a slight blush: I thought you were a woman

Walter: sure

Alexander: oh and what about the time I woke up tied to a bed with woman's clothes and markup on, and you had a camera

Alucard: you burnt the pictures

Walter: my, my now who has the obsession

Alucard: oh quite you.. so you know all that so what

Alexander: I am who I say I am, so there

Walter: so you are a psychopathic maniac priest, who is in a woman body..

Alexander: yes and I want changed back now

Alucard: no can do

Alexander: and why not monster

Alucard: because I never changed you in the first place

Alexander: what!!

Alucard: like I said it was not me

Alexander: then who was it

Alexander lunged at alucard wrapping her hands around his throat

Walter: Mr... I mean miss. Anderson, may you please calm down and take your hands from Alucards throat, now tell me has anything strange ever happened in the past week

Alexander let go of alucards throat then sat there thinking and pondering, pondering and thinking intill his head hurts

AlexandeR: oh god my head hurts

Alucard: that is expected of you

Alexander: what does that mean

Alucard: nothing

Alexander then rembered something or someone, he snapped his fingers

Alexander: no I remember, there was this demon chick and I had tried to banish her to eternal damnation in hell, after that she said I would wake up the next morning turned into something I most hate.. that was a week ago

Alucard: well I guess she was a few days late

Walter: slightly, do you remember what she looked like

Alexander: yes I do, she had pale skin, orange eyes, orange and black hair and she wore dark clothes.. that's all I remember

Walter: well in that case we should get looking for her and prey for the best, I will go tell Intergal about this now I guess

Alucard: wait is that wise?

Walter: no, you are right I shouldn't should I?

Alexander: damn straight

Walter sighed before leaving the room leaving the archenemies together

Alucard: I suggest a pack, I wont kill you in till you are in your normal body

Alexander: why afraid

Alucard: of ceras finding her body mutilated yes

Alexander: in that case I guess I shall agree

Alucard: that's great.. hey if you are in her body, where is ceras

Alexander: in Rome

Alucard: is Maxwell anywhere around

Alexander: should be

Alucard: I pity her

Alexander: why

Alucard: no reason

And with these words alucard turned and left snickering to himself

What will happen next, will Integal find out? Will Ceras be okay in Alexander's manly manly man body, is alucard gay, will they find the elf girl? Will the author ever be sane, this and much more next time on.. sorry I forgot the title what was it?

A/N: well people please review this, it is new.. I think anyways I hope you enjoyed more to come sorry if this is going to fast passed

Kyo clone #1: no you aren't

Kyo clone #2: you never are sorry

Author: what do you mean

Kyo clone 1: you are a ditz

Kyo clone 2: why did you become a writer anyways

Author: the hot muses, and the fans.. mostly the muses

Both clones sigh

Kyo clone 2: you are hopeless

Author: hey you spoke before the other for once

Kyo clone 2: oh shut up

Author: anyways keep watching I will update again soon