Heroes Fan Fiction ❯ No-Good Mother ❯ Vignette ( Chapter 1 )

AN: Written for the “Parents” challenge at heroescontest on Livejournal.

 

No-Good Mother

 

She admits to herself, I won't win no mother of the year award. And for awhile she doesn't think she really is a mother. She's lost that privilege a long time ago. She resolves herself to think she isn't cut out, that it's a sign from God she isn't suppose to take care of any kids.

 

She's selfish; she already knows this. She doesn't need her conscience to tell her, or that stupid voice that switched on inside her head when she gave birth to the girl.

 

It goes away after a decade or so when she's sure her baby is dead.

 

Then, like some twist of fate, said baby is a grown-up and healthy young woman and plops on her doorstep hoping for a better mother than she is.

 

And when the girl asks about her father she knows she's doomed.

 

But she can't say she isn't happy that her baby daughter is alive and well. The happiness doesn't muffle the fear, though. If she's alive they'll come for her again.

 

If Claire's alive Meredith knows she's sooner than dead. She can't heal herself like her baby miraculously can.

 

The need to survive is stronger than the need to nurture. Meredith knows she's a terrible mother, and it's not going to change now. She tries not to give Claire hope, and when she sees the look of disappointment in her eyes at the truth of her father, she knows it's for the best.

 

Nathan Petrelli won't win any parenting awards this time either, if throwing money at an illegitimate daughter is proof of that.

 

Claire's disappointment gets worse when Meredith says she has to leave. She wants to and has to, and Claire gets the picture. She can't be the mother she's searching for, and she can't convey to the girl that it hurts her too that they can't be together.

 

They can't be those mothers and daughters that reunite on daytime TV shows and put on happy faces. She's nothing more than the woman who gave birth to her, and it pains her even more when Claire understands.

 

The only thing that keeps Meredith from giving in and taking the girl with her is the reality of her fear - Meredith is safer apart from the girl, and she doesn't know how much danger Claire has brought with her. Is the Company on their way now?

 

Meredith hugs her baby girl one last time and tells her she's best with her adopted family. She's a no-good mother and will only get them killed. There's a shadow on Claire's face when she lets her go.

 

The girl knows that even though she finally finds her mother, she may never see her again. Meredith still leaves anyway, repeating it's for the best like a mantra in her head before abandoning her trailer that night.

 

She hitches a ride to Mexico, and she feels déjà vu. Claire's picture is on her cell phone, reminding her that even though she's a bad mother, she still is one, and that at least shows her she's not alone.

 

The dirt road to the border is long and never ending, and the air is dusty and stale. Her driver rambles on about his lovely two daughters, and Meredith rudely tunes him out.

 

In an idle moment, she opens her cell phone and sees her smile on someone else. She purses her lips and lets the pain deep in her core soak inside her as punishment to herself.

 

Maybe, she thinks, she can someday come back.