Hikaru No Go Fan Fiction ❯ End of an Era ❯ Yose ( Chapter 3 )

Title: End of an Era (3/3)

Author: Skimmilk

Rating: PG…?

Pairing: Hikaki

Warnings: if you haven't guessed by now, deathfic.

Disclaimer: I don't got no badges.

AN: Like pulling teeth, I swear. The opening and the first few paragraphs were pretty okay…then rest seemed to take far too long. Sorry about the delay. Review please.

 

 

Yose

 

The last time that Touya and Shindo played in an official match was in August of last year. It was the finals of the Honinbu title match. Touya was the defending champion, stealing the title from Shindo who had held it the five years previous. Touya's hands had lost much of their dexterity, and for the last five or six months, he'd been dropping his stones. To allow for Touya to play, they had been arranging for some of the insei to place the stones for Touya. Shindo, not wanting to insult or upset his lover had taken to having someone else place his stones for him, too. The two sat together announcing the placements of the stones, while the insei sat in the proper seats in the Room of Profound Darkness.

 

The first indication that something was different that day was that instead of the insei, the people placing the stones were family. Instead of a dark head and a blond head sitting on either side bent over the stones, one was a purple-haired girl and an old man in dignified robes. That day Touya Hitomi was placing the stones against her grandfather, the former Meijin.

 

The game was close, and the purple-haired girl bent her head to resign. Touya had defended his title. At this point, Shindo had taken seven of the eight titles, and Touya retained only one.

 

Later, after they had discussed the game, Touya announced his retirement from the Go world. He was only thirty-six.

O
O
O

 

The end was near. Touya hadn't been able to speak in over three months, his mouth drooped, spittle pooling in the corners, until someone thought to wipe it. His eyes were still bright with intelligence, he was aware, if only his body would allow for the instructions of the mind. He was on a respirator, the loud whoosh of air filling his lungs filling the quiet air of the room. His heart rate was erratic, but the defibrillator was forgotten in the corner.

 

Shindo and Touya had long ago written out a living will, if his heart stopped, the hospital was under the instructions not to resuscitate him. Neither he, nor Shindo, wanted Touya to be kept as a vegetable, when his body had already become the prison of his mind. Shindo sat at his side, holding his limp hand, reading aloud from another novel, The Pillow Book. I knew that both of them had had a fascination with classical Japanese, but I had forgotten that they both could read and understand it effortlessly. Their friends and family frequented the rooms, but were often down the hallway—Touya had insisted that when the time came, there would be no tears. He didn't want to see it; I suspect that he couldn't see it, otherwise, something just might break.

 

Needless to say, Hitomi and her grandmother were down the hall, and Touya Meijin sat at his son's side, eyes red-rimmed. There were quiet conversations in the corner, and a multitude of people came and went, but frequently, there would be a quickly caught breath that was stifled, and someone, oftentimes more than one, would leave the room.

 

At the end of the chapter, while Shindo took a drink of water, Touya's eyes met mine across the room. I came close, taking the seat beside him. Shindo placed a bookmark into the book, placing it on the bedside table. He leaned close, gripping Touya's hand in both of his, resting his forehead against it as he closed his eyes. He took a deep shuddering breath, voice husky with overuse, “When we were twenty-nine, after a few tests, we found out that Touya had ALS, commonly known as Lou Gherig's Disease. Basically, the nervous system shuts down from the bottom up; the body shuts down from the bottom up. First, the lower limbs, then it just works its way up, numbness, paralysis, you get the idea. What really sucks is that since it goes up, the brain is the last to go, and the body basically becomes a gilded cage for your mind. There is no pain, just indignity and probably your own thoughts going circles, driving yourself crazy.” The Meijin made a choking noise and left the room quickly. “Touya once said that it was like your entire body decides that it wants to go against you, no matter what you think or want.”

 

Shindo took another shuddering breath, this time there was a hitch in it, and Fujisaki-san moved to stand behind him, rubbing his shoulders. “You end up in the state you began in. You lose control and others have to care for you. When I say you lose control, you lose all of it. And the thing is, you are aware of it, so, there goes your pride and ego, out the window. The first time I had to help Touya to the bathroom, he was mortified. When the diapers came, we both were pretty devastated. But then the other, really important, organs began to shut down, too, and at that point, we were too upset to care about stupid stuff like diapers. Grand scheme of things, diapers don't really compare to inevitable deterioration. His kidneys, liver, lungs, heart.” Hitomi came in at this point. She sat at the end of the bed, next to her father's feet, avoiding the wires, tubes, and everything that stuck her father. “When it got to that point, we knew that we were close. And we started prepping for the end. When he started to have trouble breathing, we…decided that it would be best to…retire.” Shindo stopped for a moment. Ducking his head, hiding his eyes beneath his bangs, he gave Touya's hand a quick squeeze and a kiss, and walked quickly out the door. Isumi-san followed.

 

Waya-san took his seat, and Touya's hand. “For awhile, right after they announced his retirement, it seemed like he was doing better, I mean, there hadn't been any severe drops in his health, but the doctors told us that it happens sometimes, it just means that you're that much closer to death,” he looked up at me and forced a pained smile, “It's the calm before the storm, really,” Fujisaki-san and Mitani-san left the room, leaving Hitomi, Waya, Ogata-san, and myself. Hitomi, avoiding the wires, curled up at her father's side, picking up the book Shindo had left. Her head resting on her father's shoulder, her face by his ear, she read quietly to him.

 

“Afterwards, there was a rapid decline. They had to have an oxygen tank in the house, then a nurse visited all the time, then they had to put him in the hospital. Touya hasn't been able to play a game in over four months.” Waya-san smiled self-deprecatingly; he motioned to the television, which was playing a tape of a game, “We've been playing all the games we can to keep him occupied. That was the last Meijin final, me versus Shindo. One thing that Touya wouldn't let him give up, was him playing. He wanted Shindo to play, no matter what. And we taped the games to show Touya afterwards.

 

“In their home, we did the discussions, a lot of the people considered it an honor to do a discussion at the Shindo-Touya home. Anyway, after the length of time that they had been holding their titles, everyone who's near the top knows Touya and Shindo. A lot of us had been close family friends for years anyway. And now, we're near the end.”

 

I chanced a glance at Touya. He lay next to his daughter, eyes tracing her features in contemplation. If he could speak, I wonder what he would say. Hitomi continued to read to her father, stroking his hair.

 

Waya-san startled me by yelling, “And it sucks! It sucks a lot. It sucks so much! Kuwabara played go till he was ninety-seven, Touya doesn't even get to play half that long. It sucks so much.” Waya-san took up the same pose that Shindo had, resting his face on their joined hands, “It's like those guys who have like a 200 IQ, only they waste it making crack cocaine in their garage. It sucks so much. They haven't even reached the hand of god.” Waya-san shook his head, and walked out the door.

 

Ogata-san took his seat but did not take Touya's hand. “The Go world is aware of the repercussions. It's losing one of its children after only twenty-some odd years. And it knows. Everyone knows. The thing that seems to be lost at this point is that everyone writes about his career, his record, his games. They don't talk about whom he is. They talk about what they saw, but not what he was about. Touya was a brilliant child, but there was much lost because of it. He was spoiled, he was angry, he was shy, he was lost, he was a kid. That's the thing that they forget: he was just a kid. Sure, he was brilliant, but he was a child that did not have a normal childhood. He was sad and lonely most of the time, and had barely any friends because of the fact that he grew up so fast and was so mature. The things that we praised him for made him abnormal and almost freakish.

 

“We messed up. We messed him up. And look at how he turned out. He had a great career, he had an amazing relationship of mutual love and understanding, he had a daughter that loved him more than anything. In his death, people are taking away his soul. Touya was a great father, a great lover, and a great friend. He did his job well, but there were other things to his life, not just go.

 

“And it is, only a game. There are more important things. And in the important things, the stuff that matters more than go, Touya and Shindo, they touched the hand of god.” Brushing his hair out of his eyes, Ogata kissed Touya on the forehead, “I'll see you in the morning, sleep well.” And he was gone. I stared at the open doorway. That was much more than I ever expected of Ogata-san. I looked back at Touya, wondering if he had heard what Ogata-san had said. His eyes were closed; it was hard to tell if he was asleep.

 

Hitomi was watching me with wide eyes. She marked the book, and closed it quietly, placing the book on the nightstand. “May I speak about my father, Ashiwara-san?” When I nodded she nodded to herself and began making herself more comfortable. Moving wires and tubes, she sat leaning against the headboard. “Daddy told you that they adopted me when I was three?” at my nod she nodded as well. “My life when I came to Daddy and Tou-san…this,” she spread her arms wide, “was Heaven. Daddy and Tou-san, they were God, the angels, every good thing I could imagine.

 

“I don't know if you know, but the family I came from, they used to hit me. They were angry people, very unhappy, and poor. Like most people who are sad, they drank a lot. And when they were angry or unhappy and had been drinking, they'd hit me. I was taken away. I was put into foster care, where people just keep the kids, treat them badly, then take the money that should be used to feed them, and use it for themselves. And as luck would have it, when I went into foster care, I got one of the few people who genuinely wanted to help kids. His name was Isumi Kentaro. Isumi-san heard from his son that Daddy and Tou-san were looking into adopting someone, and they jumped at the chance. And I came here.

 

“They saved me. For a while, I was scared. I didn't know what to do, these people were new, and I didn't know if they would hit me like my parents did. When I realized that they wouldn't, I thought that if I did anything, they would throw me out of the house, I was scared of that. I was scared of everything. But, they saved me. I was happy. And Daddy taught me go.”

 

She smiled at me, endearing. Brushing her hair out of her eyes, I was startled, it was a gesture that I had seen thousands of times over the last several decades. “People say that life is like go.” She leaned close to me, looking towards the door, watching for her father...? “I'm not too sure about that, but…as they say, to each their own.” She shrugged gracelessly—a Shindo gesture, “Go, is a fun game. But, that's really all it is.

 

“I think that I'm gonna write a book about my dads one day. No one seems to understand that go was something that they lived for, not who they were. I don't know, people seem to think that go was all that there was to either of them, not realizing that they're two of the nicest people, kindest, sweetest, most understanding…well…you get the idea. They came to every festival at school, Daddy made me bento for school, after school, there was always someone home to ask me about my day, they helped me with my homework—though Tou-san really only could help me with Japanese literature and history. Daddy would see me off to school, and afterwards, Tou-san would be there, making me a snack and asking me about what happened in school, how did I enjoy it, did I make any problems for the teachers…? I know now, what they had to give up, and how hard they worked to make sure that I never felt like I was unloved. They worked their schedule, gave up teaching, gave up a lot of conventions and events for me. I understand that since they were title winners, they had the money to support themselves and me without teaching, but for them, they were giving up parts of their soul for me.

 

“When I was ten, Daddy and Tou-san, they bought me a new bike,” she grinned at me, understanding that I was a little surprised at that tangent, “It was racing bike, state of the art, apparently. They were watching me leave for school—for once, Daddy and Tou-san were home in the morning, together—when I fell off of my bike. I was less than a block away from the house, and some stupid squirrel ran in front of me. I swerved, and ran into a tree. Landing really badly, I broke my leg. Daddy and Tou-san ran out, came to see what had happened. It was a compound fracture, the femur broke the skin, and there was blood everywhere. Tou-san, he was freaking out, really funny. Daddy, he got all white, pulled out his cell phone and called an ambulance. And that's how they are.”

 

She held her father's hand in her own, fingers white and leaving bloodless marks on it. I wondered if Touya was awake enough to feel it. Then, I realized with his disease, it wasn't likely that even if he was aware of it, he probably still couldn't feel it. “Tou-san is loud and excitable, and Daddy always knows what he's doing, even if he's scared. And they love each other so much.” She grinned, again one of those pained looks. I turned to see Shindo and the rest of the hallway group enter behind him. All were red-eyed, only Isumi-san seemed at ease. Fujisaki-san and Waya-san both had hands on Shindo's shoulders. They pushed him to take his previous seat, as they all settled against the walls or on random, flat surfaces.

 

Face in hand, hidden by his bangs, Shindo spoke, “I once dreamt of touching the hand of god,” voice choking, “I don't care anymore.”

O
O
O

At four-thirty-two in the afternoon, on Friday, October 24th, Touya Akira died at the age of thirty-seven. He is survived by his mother, father, lover, and daughter. Three weeks later, his daughter passed the Pro exam with one loss.

 

 

End.

 

 

AN: so, what do you think? Review please. I wrote the majority of this arc within a span of four days, but after Waya's portion in this chapter, pffttppp…my brain crapped out. A week later, I posted the first chapter, and wrote the rest of this chapter when I was supposed to be writing a paper for my Black Writers of America class. Unhappy with the end, I ignored this chapter, like I hadn't ever even heard of it, until last night. I revised, proofread, and edited like nobody's business. I actually was surprised when I reread what I wrote…all in all it was not too bad. Personally, I think that my favorite line was Shindo's, “I once dreamt…” and Waya's comes a close second, “And it sucks!”

 

I enjoyed writing it, I hope you enjoyed reading it. I currently have a few others in the works…quite a few…hikago drabbles, a hikago long AU arc—prolly about seven or eight chapters, god willing, what if Hikaru had no Sai, and Akira had no Hikaru—bleach arc, bleach drabbles, bleach character studies(my favorite characters and scenes) Naruto—a very long chaptered AU, fencer!Naruto, and a series of side fics around that arc, and a short chaptered prequel—a Full Metal Alchemist long AU—what if Mustang didn't go into the military, what if Ed's stubbornness ended up with a fear of destroying more of his own life, and his brother's?—a POT long chaptered AU—what if Echizen lost an arm, his family, and only comes to Seigaku as a freshman in high school?—and a few random things—Furuba, Fake, Gravitation, Whistle!, Fushigi Yuugi, Hana Kimi, GW(the fandom that eats your soul/brain/life).

 

Wow, this really shows what I've been doing instead of actually working on my finals and final papers of the semester….o_O;;;

 

Review please.