Hikaru No Go Fan Fiction ❯ the cost of selfishnes ❯ chapter 2 ( Chapter 2 )

[ Y - Young Adult: Not suitable for readers under 16 ]

Disclaimer: don't own Hikaru or Akira or anything else associated with Hikaru no go

I know I said that it was an one shot but for the few that so graciously reviewed I thought I left the story hanging and I even considered going back and redoing it since I was not happy with it once I was able to get up out of bed.

Hopefully this will bring some closure to our happy couple.

The cold stones of the brick wall did little to relieve the fever of his body. Somehow he knew that he had passed out due to exertion of his body physically but yet his mind was also exerted when it really shouldn't have been. It was his emotions that should've taken the blow when Shindou ran out of the salon.

And yet…. it was his mind that seemed the most exhausted, content to just stay in the current state he was in, leaning against the brick wall, his breaths coming short and his brow slightly covered in sweat surrounded by the fog…wait. Fog?

Jerking his head up and turning around, Touya had thought that all this time that he had somehow been lying down and dreaming, but now he wasn't sure. Had he gone out to chase Shindou and lost him? Had he been so intent on catching up to his rival that he hadn't noticed where he was going or what was going on? If he did pass out in the salon and right now he was dreaming the fog being there would make sense, since dreams are just a reflection of what is in your heart and mind and right now his heart and mind was nothing but foggy.

The air around him was stale, eerie and chilly, a great contrast to the fever that consumed his body. Why was he feeling such a strong feeling of foreboding? Upon instinct, Touya looked around for some sign of an answer to what could be the reason for this dream state he seemed to be in.

There seemed to not be anything but fog to his front, left or to his right. Maybe, behind?

`ah..huh?'

Nothing. `Wasn't there a wall there just now?'

The wall that he was so content to lean on a few moments ago had disappeared and had been replaced by more eerie fog, and he was still alone and feverish. In fact he was starting to feel more feverish as his breaths starting to come quicker and shorter.

A faint dizziness had started to find itself to his head.

`What is going on? Where am I?' he was starting to get scared, his fear of the unknown beginning to get the better of his logical instincts. Suddenly in front of him was a shadow. Any other time Touya would have seriously panicked that it popped out of nowhere, however, the feeling of security overwhelmed him and slowly the fear he had began to feel faded. The shadow was tall and loomed over him and it was wide but some how Touya got the feeling that the shadow was not as tall or as wide as it looked.

`Don't be afraid'

`I'm not'

Without warning the shadow reached out with its hand and touched his forehead as if testing for a fever. Suddenly he got the feeling that he had experienced this hand before and it was incredibly powerful but any more information eluded him at the moment.

Closing his eyes for a moment as the hand stayed on his forehead, he felt as though he were suspended in mid-air.

In an instant there was a flash of a hand reaching towards him in the darkness to place a stone over a go board that was larger than he was and he only knew that it was a Goban by the intersecting lines that were under his feet. But that's all it was, just a hand.

Touya slowly opened his eyes that were so heavy he wasn't sure if he was even able to open them under his own strength.

Everything was blurry so he shut them again only to be plagued with another vision. This one seemed to make less sense as it was his rival dressed in Hein era clothing placing a stone on the dark Goban with glowing lines.

But in an instant the vision of Shindou in traditional clothing faded as some unheard voice bade him to open his eyes.

Shindou gathered his wits about the time he was nearing the kiin. Stopping just outside the barely opened gates, he felt a twinge of deja vu.

`Haven't I been in this type of situation before?'

Still running from Touya. Doesn't anything ever change?

As he stood in front of entrance to the Kiin, Shindou's eyes drifted automatically to the window of the small room that held all of the historic kifus.

The first time, the experience was of little comfort, maybe the little room that contained all of those kifus would take his mind off of things now.

What could it hurt?

This time he didn't need someone to show him where the room was and he didn't bother with letting someone know that he was there. He wasn't planning on hurting anyone or anything so it was ok to just go in. That was his thinking.

The room was just like he remembered, dusty, creepy and absolutely cluttered in treasures to someone who wasn't brought up in the world of Igo.

That was one of the things that Touya seemed to take for granted. One of them, anyway.

With a deep sigh, he went over to the back shelf pulling out a random book and sitting on the floor with it opening to a random page.

The kifu before him struck him as familiar but instead of looking up and finding out whom it belonged to; he thought that he would try to recognize it on his own first.

The bleached blond boy turned the book every direction there was to see if there was something there to give him some clue as to the people who played this game.

The one player that won the game was strong, so was the other, but the winner…..

His joseki was burning itself into Shindou's memory even as he looked it over. The air of mystery and suspense was taking his mind further into the past of this particular kifu so much that the air around him seemed to crackle with excitement.

`sugoi!!' his mind whispered.

`What type of Go players were they to play on such a level?'

Questions ran through his brain as he allowed this mystery kifu whose mystery could've been solved had he wanted to take the time to look at the top of the page, took him further and further away from the world his rival had trapped him in. or so he thought.

One little move towards the middle of game and Shindou suddenly realized at once who the winner of the game was.

Touya Kouyo.

His eyes widened, `of course, why didn't I see it before?' his play has become more advanced since this, but obviously the past him could still kick butt.

Not so much concerned with the other player, Shindou looked up to the top of the page to see when this game was played, mildly noting that it was indeed the Meijin who had won the game.

`Gah!…ah man, the very past!' wait quick calculations.

He nearly lost his page as the book fell from his hands so he could use his fingers to find our just how long ago this game was played.

`Ack! 52 years ago!!'

Then that means…

Shindou scrunched up his face in order to do the math better, but when that didn't seem to be working, he started looking up at the ceiling using his vivid imagination of math. Finally with the work of his coordinated fingers, he finally found the answer he was looking for.

However…he jumped to his feet but remembered to bring the precious book with him. And once again his mouth got the better of him.

`That means Touya-sensei was somewhere in his thirties when Touya was born!!

No wonder he acts all mature and is no fun, his parents being so old when he was born!!'

Focusing on the hands brought about bright light that were beginning to surround me. At first I had hoped that the vision was a dream, but when I seen the beautiful person that appeared before me, I wanted it to be real.

But the bright lights told me it really was all a dream.

But still…….

The lights seemed to bring brightness on the dark figure in front of me before slowly fading out of sight. His face was young and beautiful, long flowing hair almost gave the impression that he was female but the clothing revealed his gender to someone who was familiar with ancient Japan.

His long white robes were topped off with a traditional ebo hat that noblemen in the Hein era wore.

Why was I seeing someone like this? His smile and comforting hand on my forehead didn't remind me of any mans touch, but that of my mothers. I didn't reject his touch to my head but I welcomed it. I wanted to ask who he was but his presence was fading quickly and leaving me with a sense of loss and comfort.

As quickly as the light touched him he disappeared from me but not before whispering one compelling clue to him and the link to someone I found dear and maybe not so mysterious anymore.

“Sai, Fujiwara no Sai”

“Sai!”

“ Nani, Akira-kun?”

He wasn't aware that he had blurted that out and was extremely embarrassed when Touya sat up and began to look around at all the people staring at him.

“eh?, Ichikawa-san, eto..”

If Touya was confused before then he really was confused now. Nobody seemed to be offering any information to clear up his confused look. So he started glancing around to assess the situation on his own. He noticed right off that he had apparently been moved to the back of the room and placed on the floor out sight of incoming customers. Those that surrounded him were those that frequented the salon and they seemed to find the floor very interested when he tried to make eye contact with them.

What were they not telling him?

Why would they not tell him everything that was going on? Why was he even on the floor? The last thing he remembered was collapsing after Shindou….

“Shindou!”

With renewed energy, Touya jumped up off the floor and burst through the crowd to start after his rival that had taken off. The only thing that could stop him now was for him to stop, turn to the crowd and find out just how long Shindou had been gone.

---------------------------------------------------------

`Two hours'

Shindou had been gone for two hours.

`No, that cant be possible, I was only out for a short time, right?'

Shindou could be anywhere by now.

His body frozen to the spot where he received this disturbing turn of events but his mind as sharp as ever as he started to go over a strategy in his head in order to find his rival.

Process of elimination might be a good strategy to start with.

A quick call using the salons phone to Shindou's home told him that he hadn't went straight home, but he didn't really expect him to. The most likely places would be at one his friends place or maybe the Kiin. But it was past dark, why would he go to the Kiin?

And he didn't have any way of contacting any of Shindou's friends.

He was really angry with him when he left. Of course this time Touya was in the wrong, he had every right to be angry with him. He had made him feel used; any one would be upset after that.

But he couldn't stay here at the salon, he had to find him.

Touya ran to the elevator but it was not quick enough for him so he turned and used the steps to race out into the night in search of his rival.

The go prodigy ran blindly out into the streets of Tokyo with nothing but negative thoughts about his situation. He had no doubt that his rival couldn't run from him for long, but that wasn't his issues, he really believed in his heart that things could remain the same between them for years to come and that nothing would change at all in the way they seen each other.

Despite his handicap with socializing, he knew his feelings like he knew the go board but what about his counterpart?

For some time now he had suspected that the gazes that were sent his way were more than just friendship emotions and he could tell that Shindou was having an internal battle about his feelings for him. But was it from pity, loneliness or did he really feel the real thing.

In light of what had happened between them tonight, Touya thought now was a good time to find out.

He kept a pretty steady pace for a while but he then started to tire and found a bench to sit on and think. The sun had been set for a while and if his calculations of the stars were correct then it was past midnight. But of course he had been packing in so much information lately that he couldn't really remember from science class if that was correct or not.

Speaking of information, Touya not recalled that he had left his homework at the kiin earlier when he stopped there after school for an interview with Amano-san.

`Great' he thought `there goes the idea of going home to work on some homework to clear my mind'

Another thing on his plate to worry with on top of finding Shindou, clearing up feelings, asking about Sai and getting his work done for school, did he have a match tomorrow?

Touya leaned forward on the bench and buried his face in his hands in frustration at the whole situation he found himself in. his mind had started to swim and he was feeling faint. Even if he was to find Shindou tonight and try to smooth things over he probably wouldn't be in the most cooperative moods and that wouldn't be fair to his rival.

Well nothing can be done so late at night anyway, and the kiin is open as long as there is the janitor there to let him in to get his bag. He was the mejin's son, no reason for them to question.

With that resolve, the go prodigy slowly got to his and began the long journey to the kiin to get his stuff and then home to pass out, but first he had to find out where in the world he had ended up.

A passing couple taking a lovers stroll kindly informed Touya that he was not that far from the kiin as he had originally thought. That was a major plus for his sore and tired feet and pounding head. He considered just going straight home and forgetting the bag since he would eventually get back to the kiin for a match anyways.

However, he wasn't one for procrastination and since he was close to it anyway, what could it hurt.

The walk proved to be more difficult than he realized, so when the gates to the kiin came into view Touya figured he just lean against the wall for second to catch his breath and then go in. if the janitor was to come out and try to leave at this point, he would be able to stop him.

Touya ended up leaning forward on the bricks and pressing his face against them to absorb some of the coolness that they provided.

Vaguely he felt a breeze pick around him and shifted his body as to get the most of the wind touching what skin that was not covered by clothing.

The longer he stayed against the wall the more he regretted his plan to come and look for his elusive rival. In fact, it was just plain stupid to even think that he could get anything done between them tonight in his current state and while he s at it, he had behaved so inappropriately the whole month!

His mental list just kept getting longer and his fist tighter and the grinding of his teeth even stronger. And before he realized what he was doing, Touya found that had punched the wall in front of him with his free hand.

And it hurt, so he jerked his body around to where his back was against the wall and he raised his eyes to the stars willing the tears back that threatened to fall. His body was in so much pain right and he only had himself to blame.

Nothing could make him feel better at this point, except to scream. He wanted to scream out about what an idiot he was but he hated admitting that he was wrong so in a split second decision, Touya stood up straight, clenched his eyes closed and screamed out the blame on someone else.

“SHINDOU NO BAKAAA”

“Touya's and idiot too”

His heavy breathing halted for a split second when he heard that voice.

`Couldn't be, he was here at the kiin the whole time? Or maybe I'm hallucinating again'

Touya turned slowly and wide eyed towards the voice he had been wanting to hear for some time now and just stared at the one that stood in front of him and he just stared back but the expression was totally different.

He was dreaming again, he had to be, just like earlier when he was seeing that Sai person, this had to be a dream.

Only one way to find out.

Faster than Shindou could blink or even register what was going to happen, Touya had closed the distance between them, placed one hand on his rivals shoulder and the other hand on the side of his face for guidance and met his lips.

Shindou didn't know what kind of move he should make; Touya had both of his hands on him in ways that screamed `more'. Whatever moves he should make at this point he was really sure that it shouldn't be one that made his rival even more irrational than he already was. I mean what posses a person to greet someone like that; a simple hello would have been fine!

On the other hand, he liked that Touya was not ashamed of his feelings enough to be this public about it, the least he could do was respond with the same intensity.

But it was over just as quickly as Shindou made the decision to respond to the kiss, he had waited too long and when he opened his eyes, Touya was staring at him.

Shindou vaguely noticed that he had placed both of his hands on Touya's shoulders probably in a subconscious attempt on his part to pull his rival deeper into the kiss.

Touya seemed shock however at what he had just done. He stumbled backwards a few steps and his eyes became wide and wild.

Shindou let his hands hang in the air in case he wanted to step back into them.

“not..not an illusion?” his voice barely above a whisper and he had started to shake.

So that was it, he only kissed him when he thought he wasn't real. Somehow that brought on a deep sinking feeling inside his chest and he stood there staring as his rival began to panic over what he had just done.

“Touya”

Touya placed the back of his hand on his lips and threw his head to the side in shame. He must really be out of it, the illusion in front of him definitely felt real and must not want anything to do with him now.

“Shindou..gomen, I was out of line”

“Tou..”

“NO! Its my fault you have every reason to not want to ever see me again”

“deeemo sa..”

“I have to go!”

“Wait!” Shindou grabbed his wrist just as Touya turned to run the other way, he couldn't let him leave like this.

“Shindou, what connection do you have to Fujiwara no Sai?”

His heart stopped at the sound of his rival speaking that name. How could he know about that? I've never said..nobodys ever said his full name!

His body frozen, Shindou dropped Touya's hand and when he did, Touya turned to fully face his rival and meet him eye to eye. He wanted answers.

Touya watched as Shindou's heart slowly began to break, was that name really so important?

Maybe he was pushing it, he did promise him someday. Obviously someday isn't this day or night.

Shindou didn't know what to say, he didn't even know where to begin. Should he deny everything? He was getting pretty good at lying. Or should he come clean.

He bit his lip in his attempt at rolling over the options in his head while Touya patiently waited for his next move.

But before he could come to a decision, his rival opened his mouth to speak, and when Touya had that determined look in his eye like he did now and started to speak, people listened. And that included his two toned rival.

“I passed out after offending you earlier and ..heard the name in a dream. I just thought”

He was beginning to get uncomfortable, Shindou was starting to look like he doing something way out of character with the way his mouth was hanging open like that. Still he continued, he wanted to be totally honest on his end and hope that Shindou would be the same with him.

“I understand if this has some connection to the someday and I will respect that part of your promise and not press you any further on the subject, even if I do get impatient sometimes, I am only human”

Ok Shindou took the position of a person about to run any minute and Touya was not going to have that. He was going to stay and hear him out even if it killed him, which it just might with the way his body screaming pain and fatigue at him.

Better stop that train of thought right now.

“No Shindou, don't run, I still have more to say to you!”

At his outburst Shindou cringed, `Touya is scary' but if he had something important to say maybe he was off the hook on the Sai thing.

“Also..” Touya looked down in embarrassment, but he just had to get this out.

“I..I am not opposed to having an intimate relationship with you..”

What?

“If that's what you wanted, if not then..”

If not?

“Then I would hope that this incident will not change our positions as rivals in the Go world..if that's what you want, I just ask that you be honest with me and forgive me for my earlier conduct”

Shindou stared at Touya..

And stared some more, he didn't know quite how to take this turn of events. Touya wasn't as selfish as he originally claimed to be. Spoiled maybe because of being an only child, but not selfish at all. He was just tired and needed a break.

Shindou could barely contain the relief of the burden of him letting the subject of the mysterious Sai just drop like that. Touya was being very mature.

On the other hand, did he want an intimate relationship with another man? Not just any man either, Touya Akira, the famous son of the Meijin.

They were both really young for the publicity they would get from society for having a relationship such as theirs. Were they ready for it?

Touya seemed to sense his emotional conflict, after all this was a big change in the outward form of their relationship. He knew that he was mature enough to handle what all it entailed, but was his rival?

“touya..I”

he looked so lost, this was painful. Maybe not yet then.

Touya stopped whatever he was going to say with one of his gentle smiles that were only reserved for him alone. He stepped forward and held out his hand to Shindou.

“its alright Shindou, you have to say anything now. We are `eternal' rivals after all, ne?”

Shindou looked from his rivals smile to his hand, then mirrored a smile of his own. Touya really was mature, it made up for what he lacked. They really did balance each other out well.

He was right though, they were `eternal' rivals, and his answer could wait until he felt his ready.

“aa..that's right”

As they joined hands, Touya took the lead in the direction of the kiin, he was going to get his bag and Shindou was going to go with him in case any ghosts showed up.

“Ah, Touya, I just came from here, why do I have to go back?”

“What are talking about? Don't you know that the kiin is haunted? I left my school bag inside..”

“eh?..eeehhhhh?”

So that's it!! That is the total ending of this `oneshot'

But I would still like to know what you people out there think. So please review and tell me what you thought so that I may better my writing abilities.