Hunter X Hunter Fan Fiction ❯ Agony ❯ Agony ( Chapter 1 )

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Title: Agony

Author’s Note:
Since I was being lazy in updating Nothingness and Odd Enemy, I decided to write a one-shot for my readers. I was debating with my muses if I will continue the fics I started, but my *coughs* conscience insisted that I should continue. Agony is a drabble, but I hope it’ll quench your thirst for Kurapika and Kuroro from Nothingness.

Enjoy.

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I, Kuroro Lucifer, the leader of the infamous group Genei-Ryodan believed that I had no conscience and never will have any heart to feel.

I had devised flawless schemes to accomplish our crimes, killed mercilessly, and stolen treasures. These actions never gave me any feeling of guilt and remorse. I had no conscience and I had no emotions that were I confirmed to myself.

I am rational rather than emotional, that was why I was able to lead the Ryodan.

When I was a child, I was intrigued by the feelings that adults had, the books that described that people should feel in certain situations, and other children tells when they are hurt. I was curious, why do they feel these things? I asked myself, why am I not feeling anything?

I cared for my friends, which were an idea I tried to ingrain within me. I admired things that took my interest, which I believe another theory that I tried to hold up until now. And yes, I want to find something, something that would satisfy me, something that would make me feel. It is something I have no idea of what it is, its quality, and its description. I was looking for something that I don’t know.

As time goes by I managed to feel, but not that much. I was able to feel sadness, and that was when Ubogin died. I can feel loss, and that was when I was not able to steal the Zoldick’s nen ability. These things that I feel were detached as if those where just ideas that I commanded myself to feel but then I can only feel a little.


However, an event that made me feel, emotions that suddenly flow within myself that I was unable to handle it. It was feeling of admiration and attachment. Moreover, a feeling that I might call longing rammed my persona and I wasn’t prepared for it. Longing made me crave for the person that made me feel. The blonde that made me feel attached that I cling into her image and tried to experience her.


Kurapika Kuruta, the last living of the Kuruta tribe, at first I did not mind taunting her. Teasing the blonde by seducing or taking advantage of her, but the more I expose myself to her, the more I want for more. By the first time that I had made contact to her,-and that was when she captured me using her chains- then I was able to feel. For the first time I was shocked, shocked because someone was able to capture me!

She made me anticipate for my own death. I was curious about the idea of dying, the experience of vanishing in this world.

Most of all, Kurapika made me want, want her to the extent that I ached for her every now and then. This was my fault, I reckon, for if I restrained myself from every contact I made with the Kuruta maybe I wasn’t addicted to the feeling in the first place.

This addiction made me insane, to the point that I could not stop myself from touching her. I was drowned by the pleasure that it gave me. The sensation and assurance that I was in the warmth of the one that continuously make me feel the remedy of my numbness.

I used her, used her every moment that my want drove me. And I didn’t notice that I was inflicting that I was gradually killing her.

I saw it in her eyes, when I was making love with her that she looked at me with agony. The doubt that glazed her eyes made me stop. Her face was full of regret, and that bothered me. I could not bear seeing her like this, that I became a coward and sat with turning back at her.

It pains me that what I was doing did not give her any pleasure. It hurts me that I could not make her feel the ecstasy that I experience when we were making love.

And for the first time in my life, I was able to feel guilty. I was able to acknowledge that there in the depth of my soul was conscience enough to tear my heart apart.

My heart was broken, and she was bitter. I was the one who caused her agony. I took away everything from her. The thoughts rushed into my head, bludgeoning her clan to death, taking their eyes just because of Kuroro’s whim, murdering her comrades in York shin, harming her friends…

My heart swelled when the thought that the one who took away the only thing that she could give for the man she loved…was the same person that took everything in her life. Suddenly I want to kill myself! Anger conquered me! What have I done? This precious girl did not do anything terrible to deserve all these!

Why me? Of all the people, why would I be the cause of her misery?

I looked at her with my tears staining my cheeks. The beautiful angel had drifted on to sleep, she seemed tired. Exhausted of all the things that I had done to her, I know she was hurt-physically and emotionally.

I crawled and was careful not to wake her. I lay beside her and decided that a kiss would take her pain away. I kissed her forehead and embraced her it surprised me that she nuzzled into my chest.

I was still crying, and I want to kill myself for doing it, but the tears charged my eyelids like there was no tomorrow.

I felt agony, and I could not accept the fact that the one that made me feel, made me fall…

It took me sometime before I could accept it but there was no reason fro denying. I sighed, and whispered in her ear

“I love you and I’m sorry”

I closed my eyes and forced myself to sleep.

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Me: That was, sad.
Kuroro: Yeah it was, I can’t believe that you made me cry there
Kurapika: …