Disclaimer: AU, with Takeshi-sensei (from a long-past yaoi_d contest).

Initial D and all its characters belong to Shuichi Shigeno and Kodansha. Only the secretary is mine.

Rating: PG-13, yaoi, multiple pairings. Some curse words, but nothing really hard-core. However, some of the subject matter (and one of the author's notes at the end) may not be suitable for children.

~~Excuses, Excuses~~

Nakazato Takeshi smiled as he took a big swig of coffee from his mug. Strong, just the way he liked it. His secretary was the best; not only at filing and word processing, but at doing these little things, these creature comforts, just right.

"She'll make somebody a great wife someday," he said to himself.

It was shaping up to be an excellent Monday morning; he was drinking a terrific cup of coffee, he had beaten the traffic and gotten to work with time to spare, and he was wearing his favorite black sport coat with the silver accents at the collar and cuffs. A most excellent morning…

"Nakazato-san!" His secretary suddenly called. Takeshi turned to face her and saw that she was carrying a whole stack of letters and grimacing.

Uh-oh.Dark clouds on the horizon.

"Nakazato-san, there were an awful lot of absence-excuse notes in your mailbox this morning. Sounds like everybody's caught that bug that's been going around."

Takeshi gaped as she handed the letters to him. "Wow…"

"Please take care of yourself, Nakazato-san," she said. "Drink lots of liquids. And you might want to get some vitamin C, and some of those zinc lozenges, too."

"Thanks, Miyako," said Takeshi. "You take care of yourself, too."

"I will," she said as she went back to her computer.

*****

Takeshi sat down in his comfortable, ergonomically correct swivel chair, and opened the first note. Please excuse Shouji Shingo today, he read.

"Oh, great… as if he's not far enough behind," muttered Takeshi.

He is sick and I'm having him shot.

Takeshi did a double take.

He is sick and I'm having him… shot.

"Wha-what? Shingo?!"

He burst into laughter. He couldn't help it. It was too irresistible. "Poor Shingo!"

"Nakazato-san?" said his secretary, her voice traveling through his open door. Takeshi didn't answer her-he couldn't. "Nakazato-san? Are you all right?"

"Yeah! Yeah. It's nothing. Nothing," said Takeshi, finally gaining control of himself. "Hey… Miyako?"

"Yes?"

"Can you shut the door, if you don't mind?"

"Absolutely. I'll page you when it's getting time for class." With that, she gave a small bow, turned away and shut Takeshi's door behind her.

"Thank you," he said as he settled back further into his chair.

Poor, poor Shingo. He must have really busted a leg or something, to need to be shot like that. After all, that's what they do with horses with bum legs-they shoot them.

Takeshi promptly succumbed to another fit of the giggles. As he picked up the second note, he stabbed it with the letter opener rather forcefully, in an effort to gain the upper hand.

He gasped in horror as he read the second note:

Please excuse Mogi for being absent yesterday. She was in bed with gramps.

"Now that's disgusting!"

He was suddenly very grateful for the door being shut.

"Oh my God, it's probably true, knowing her rep… and what Fujiwara said…" He shuddered.

"No! No… I'm sure her mom just meant 'cramps'. Anybody can make a mistake," he said as he rather hurriedly pushed the note out of the way and reached for the next one.

So he was an English teacher. Why, then, did that apparently mean everybody had to write all their letters to him in English, no matter how bad it was? For all the notes followed the same pattern. All in gruesome, grammar-impaired, pidgin English:

*****

Kouichirou Iketani will not be in school this next Thursday. We have to go to his funeral.

Seiji will not be able to make it as he has to have two teeth taken out of his face.

Please excuse Kyouichi from school today. He has a cold and can not breed well.

Wataru will be unable to attend, as he was having a gangover.

Please excuse Itsuki for being. It was his father's fault.

*****

The last one in particular made Takeshi collapse back against the chair, his eyes watering from the force of his laughter.

"Jeez, write in Japanese if it's too much trouble!" he said, choking, as he opened the next envelope.

Please excuse Fujiwara Takumi, he is sick and under the doctor.

Pushing aside his amusement for a minute, Takeshi thought the writing looked a little suspicious. It certainly was very messy. No, it didn't look like Takumi's, but he wasn't sure it looked like Bunta's either. But then… he wasn't sure what Bunta's handwriting looked like, anyway.

*****

He finally came to the last note. Immediately after he ripped it open, he slammed it down onto the desk.

Sorry Keisuke cannot make it to class today, his hormones are raging.

"Oh, now this is a fake! This is definitely a fake."

Takeshi was on his cell phone in a flash.

"Nice try. 'Raging hormones', eh? What a great excuse."

"… Don't give me that. If you stopped at two A.M. instead of pushing on till four, you'd have more time to sleep."

"… No, I do not have any sympathy for you. Wanna get laid tonight? Wanna have relief for those raging hormones? Then you get your ass out of bed and come to class."

"… Drink a whole pot of coffee. Eat a whole box of caffeine pills if you have to. Just get yourself woken up."

"… I mean it, Takahashi! Do it, or you're sleeping on the couch. And staying there." He hung up before he could hear Keisuke whine.

He massaged his temples. Now he was getting one hell of a headache. He good mood had just about completely evaporated. He hoped he could salvage what was left of it before class started.

His intercom bleeped. It was his secretary. Takeshi pushed the button and heard her say, "It's time to go, Nakazato-san."

"Thank you. Oh, Miyako?" said Takeshi. "May I have another cup of coffee on the way out? A big one?"

MEANWHILE:

*****

Shingo reached up with great effort, turned off his alarm clock, and collapsed back into bed. Through force of habit he had set it last night, even though he was supposed to be staying home sick.

Thankfully, his fever seemed to be down from last night. But his body still ached all over, and it felt as if he had rocks in both his chest and his stomach.

Today he was supposed to go in for some kind of shot-a "globbin" shot, he thought he'd overheard. At the Takahashi clinic.

Shingo groaned. As a junior member of the staff, Ryousuke was certain to give all the shots himself. And his mother said he'd have to get it in the butt.

"Great. I have to show my naked ass to Takahashi. Really f***ing great," he grumbled as he sank into his pillow.

But as he drifted off to sleep again, some small part of him found the prospect to be ever so slightly exciting.

*****

Mogi smiled at the sight of the two-tone Mercedes pulling up in front of her.

"Hello, baby," said its driver as she opened the door and climbed in. "You look lovely as always."

"Thank you."

"Looking forward to school today?"

"I think so. We don't have any tests for a while."

"Here," said 'Papa', handing her a red-wrapped box with a gold bow. "I got this for you."

"Really? What is it?" said Mogi as she unwrapped it, taking care not to tear the paper. Finally, she slid it out-a big box of Godiva chocolates.

"Wow-" Mogi said as she weighed it in her hand. "Must be a whole kilo."

"I thought you might want something for your PMS," said 'Papa', smiling.

*****

"No, Kazumi, you cannot visit Itsuki-kun. I was on the phone with his mother and she said he's sick. Got that bug that's been going around."

"Don't you go near him!" groaned her brother, from pain as much as from annoyance. "I'm in a weakened state, and you'll bring home his germs and make me sick."

"How much did you drink last night?" Kazumi asked.

"That's none of your business!" said Wataru with a terrific scowl. "Maybe I got slipped something. Ohhh, my head…" He leaned back into the couch, clutching an ice bag to the top of his head.

"I don't ever want to hear about you going out and getting drunk again, Wataru. You understand?" said Mrs. Akiyama.

"Yeah, I know, no driving for a week."

"You're lucky it's not a month!"

"How am I gonna win against Otaki in two weeks?!"

"That's your problem," said his mother. "Now, you stay on the couch, and no watching TV." At her son's immediate growl, she quickly followed up with, "It'll make your headache worse, Wataru. So just lie down and take it easy."

"Here, aniki. Drink this," said Kazumi, handing her brother a bottle of Tiara.

"Thanks," said Wataru, opening the bottle and taking a sip.

"Kazumi-chan, I want you to be ready in five minutes," said Mrs. Akiyama as she went to grab her coat.

Kazumi walked over and opened the drawer of her father's writing desk. There had to be a get-well card in their stash of greeting cards somewhere.

After finding only birthday cards and a sympathy (!) card, she finally found a blank one. But it was bright pink and had Hello Kitty on it. It didn't even have the good fortune to be a Badtz-Maru.

Itsuki would loathe it.

"Oh well," she sighed. "If it has to do, it has to do."

*****

"Do you think he bought it?"

"Why wouldn't he? I've never taken a sick day before."

"But you're not sick. If you come back tomorrow, you'll look too well. It's going to look suspicious."

"That's why I had you write the letter instead of me," said Kyouichi. "You're not in his class. He's got no idea what your handwriting looks like."

"Still… I don't like it." Kai frowned and snuggled back into the sheets. "I made you sound sicker than you really are."

"What did you write?"

"Ummm… 'you have a cold and cannot breathe well', I think. Yeah, that was it," said Kai.

"Well, I guess I'll just have to walk in tomorrow with a fake scratchy voice." Kyouichi shrugged.

"Sounds good to me."

"In the meantime, though, I've gotta treasure every minute I've got you away from your daddy." Kyouichi grinned as he ran his fingers down Kai's chest.

"Don't say it," said Kai with a warning tone.

"Who said I was going to say it?" Kyouichi bent down and gave his lover a slow, deep kiss. "I'll say this, though: no wonder Daddy over-protects you." He grinned and trailed his hand lower.

"Hm," sniffed Kai as he pulled the Evo driver down for another kiss. He smiled as he pressed himself between his lover's legs. "You sure can't believe those tests, can you?"

"What?"

"Those potency tests. You can't believe them. They're a load of crap."

His lover froze. "Boy, you sure know how to keep the mood going."

"Hey, I know this is not the best place to talk about it. But I'm saying, you can't believe them."

"How could I score low on potency?" said Kyouichi with a scowl. "I've never had trouble getting laid."

"Low potency means you can't get a girl pregnant, Kyou," said Kai. "It has nothing to do with how hard you can get."

His lover stared at him in disbelief.

"Yeah, Sudou. That's all it means. It's just a big, fat, steaming load."

Kyouichi's eyes lit up. "Pregnant? Getting a girl pregnant? That's all? But… But that's a good thing! I mean, I hate kids."

"You don't even like girls enough to have their kids."

"Exactly!" said Kyouichi, now grinning. "You know, Kogashiwa, I gotta thank you."

"You're welcome," said Kai just before his lover stifled any further speech with firm, insistent lips. He started to feel himself being pushed towards the edge… until a most unwelcome thought popped up in the back of his mind.

That is what I said, right? 'He has a cold and cannot breathe'?

Kai tried to push the thought away, but it wouldn't go so easily.

I did say 'breathe'. Didn't I? Right?

Kyouichi came to his mind's rescue, by suddenly breaking the kiss. "Boy, it's too bad about Seiji, huh?"

"What?" said Kai, caught off guard.

"How he has to have two teeth pulled."

"What? Oh," said Kai. "That. How did that happen again?"

"He pissed off some guy on the Nasu team, and the guy punched him in the mouth. Broke two of Iwaki's teeth."

"Oooh. That ought to hurt."

"Yeah, he was bleeding and bleeding. They called the cops on the other guy. Can't say I blame the guy, though. Seiji has never known when to keep his mouth shut."

Kai nodded.

"But I don't want you to keep you mouth shut," said Kyouichi, tightening his arms around his lover. "Not unless it's me shutting it." And he proceeded pull Kai to him for another deep kiss, plunging in his tongue and devouring his lover's lips.

The irritating thoughts finally banished, Kai allowed himself to sink deeper into passion.

*****

"Mom?" said Iketani.

"Yes?"

"Today in class, Nakazato-sensei was giving me strange looks."

"Strange looks?"

"Yeah. He actually looked pretty disturbed. Why would that be?"

"I don't know. Maybe he knew your grandmother. Maybe he sympathizes."

"I don't think so…"

*****

"Nobody loves me," cried Itsuki as he took a spoonful of cough syrup and reached for a tissue. "Kazumi-chan didn't bring me anything. Takumi gets flowers from Ryousuke. Nobody's ever brought me flowers. Nobody's ever brought me anything!" He blew his nose and slumped dejectedly into his sheets. "I might as well not even exist."

"Itsuki!" said his father as he walked through the door. "You've got a letter!"

"Really!" Itsuki jumped up and snatched the card out of his father's hand. "It's from Saitama! Oh, Kazumi-chan…" he cried as he ripped open the envelope.

"No!" His face fell as soon as he saw the card, and he tossed it away like a hot potato.

"What's wrong?" said his father.

"She hates me. Why else would she send me a girly-girl card?" His voice was quavering.

"What?" His father was perplexed.

"It's her way of saying she wants to break up with me. She knows I hate this stuff." A tear leaked out of each eye and ran down his cheeks.

"Well, aren't you going to read it?"

"No!"

"Then I'll read it," said his father, quite impatiently. "Funny, it doesn't seem like she hates you at all!"

"What? What does it say?" said Itsuki as he gingerly took back the card.

Itsuki-kun,

Sorry about the card, but this was all I could find.

Hope you feel better soon,

Kazumi.

Itsuki's eyes lit up, and he clutched the card to his chest. "Ohhh, Kazumi-chan…"

*****

In a warm bed at the Takahashi house, Takumi yawned and stretched his arms way over his head, touching the headboard. He arched his back, lifting both himself and the larger body on top of him.

"Ahhhhh!" he sighed, easing back and turning his attentions to the dark head lying on his chest. "Hey, wake up," he said, sifting his fingers through silky hair. "It's going to be a beautiful day."

Ryousuke stirred and opened his eyes slightly. He stretched his legs out, dangling his feet and ankles over the edge of the bed.

"Wake up," repeated Takumi, still caressing the other man's hair.

"You're sick," said Ryousuke. "That's what you said, remember? You should stay in bed."

Takumi shivered at his lover's deep voice, roughened by sleep. "But it's going to be a nice day. And I'm not that sick anymore."

"That's not what you told your dad. What exactly did you say to him, anyway?"

"I said I started feeling queasy right after the deliveries. He scribbled out the note and left... I don't really know what he wrote. He was kind of in a hurry."

Ryousuke's eyebrows arched slightly. "Are you sure he really wrote an excuse?"

"I got to take off school, didn't I?" said Takumi. "Anyway… he said he was going to be busy all day and he needed the car tonight. But he expects me to be up for deliveries again tomorrow." He rolled his eyes as he said, "What'll I tell him if he wants an explanation?"

"Just say you had a mild stomach flu."

"He'll know I wasn't sick."

"Not if you do it right." Ryousuke kissed his lover. "Now, you behave yourself while I go to my appointment with Shouji this morning."

"Shouji?" said Takumi.

"Yeah. He's really sick. He needs a gamma-globulin shot. It won't take long."

"Don't give me his sickness, now."

"I won't. This particular illness he has is transmitted by hand-to-hand contact, not by air. I'll wear gloves whenever I have to touch him, and I'll wash my hands really well. Anyway, you stay put while I'm gone. Don't leave the house, don't make any phone calls. And keep quiet until Keisuke leaves."

"Was that him just now?" said Takumi, dropping his voice to a whisper and straining to hear any noise.

"Yeah. He just got a phone call. From the sound of it, he's got some pretty bad news."

Takumi chuckled. "Like, he has to go to class."

"Exactly. He doesn't even know you're here, right now. If he knew that you played hooky while he had to go to class, he'd have a fit. He might tell Nakazato everything."

"God, why, of all people, does your brother have to be going out with his teacher?" said Takumi.

"God works in mysterious ways," said Ryousuke, smiling. "Anyway… stay in bed. Doctor's orders. I promise you I'll make it as pleasant as possible."

Ryousuke's face was level with Takumi's. The hachiroku driver felt as if he were sinking into those warm, endless black eyes.

"Okay," Takumi finally said.

"Knew you'd see it my way." Ryousuke bent down and pressed his lips to Takumi's. As the kiss deepened, Takumi ran his hands over the other man's back, loving the warmth, the satin smoothness, the firm muscles.

"After all, we still have a little time before I have to be at the clinic…"

THE END

*****

Author's Notes:

*****

The excuse notes are taken from a very famous series of actual parental excuse notes, found on multiple sites on the web. The plot bunny they spawned proved too tenacious to resist.

This is very much an AU, as you can probably tell.

I censored out "F***" because I didn't want this story to get an R rating due to one word.

The timeline of the "meanwhiles" is purposely scattered. Iketani's and Itsuki's snapshots are, chronologically, supposed to be the latest.

About the Kyou/Kai scene: There have been a number of Initial D stories concerning potency tests. Apparently these are compulsory for male employees in Japan… and apparently, the Japanese definition of potency is different from the American definition. (The latter, as you well know thanks to Viagra, has to do with getting and maintaining an erection; the former, from what I can gather, seems to be more about sperm count than anything else.) I thought it would be interesting for Kyou to meet the American, but not the Japanese standards… even though he's not especially fertile, he has no problem performing in bed.

A letter could probably never make it to Gunma from Saitama in the same day; however, I'm having it do so in this story just so Itsuki can have a great time being surprised ^__^.

I found the names "Otaki" and "Nasu" by Googling "saitama prefecture cities" and "tochigi prefecture cities". Then I tried to find places that were mountainous (or at least, in the case of Otaki, has a big waterfall)

That being said, I'm surprised to find out how much of Saitama isn't mountainous. I had originally chosen "Namegawa" as the location for the hypothetical opponent for Wataru. Well… Mount Ninomiya, the highest point in Namegawa, is a mere 131.8 meters above sea level, so I scratched that one. I scratched several others for that same reason.

Saitama reminds me of eastern Colorado: very imposing mountains, but once you get past Denver (or Chichibu/the west), boom, they're gone; and there's nothing but plains from there on.

I discovered Asahi Tiara milk tea in an Oriental grocery in Overland Park, Kansas. One sip and I was hooked. Truly, it's the drink of the gods.

--MonteLukast