InuYasha Fan Fiction / Yu Yu Hakusho Fan Fiction ❯ Regret and Choices ❯ Chapter 8 ( Chapter 8 )
[ X - Adult: No readers under 18. Contains Graphic Adult Themes/Extreme violence. ]
By: DawnFire_ice1 
Anime/Manga: InuYasha Fan Fiction / Yu Yu Hakusho Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Romance / Hentai / Action | Type: Crossover | Uploaded On: 04.09.2011 | Pages: 2 | Words: 5.4K | Visits: 636 | Status: Work In Progress
Anime/Manga: InuYasha Fan Fiction / Yu Yu Hakusho Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Romance / Hentai / Action | Type: Crossover | Uploaded On: 04.09.2011 | Pages: 2 | Words: 5.4K | Visits: 636 | Status: Work In Progress
I do not own Inuyasha or Yu Yu Hakusho fandom or characters. They belong to Rumiko Takahashi and to Toshihiro Togashi. I do not make any monies or profit from the writing of this story.
*~*~*~*~*~*
My gratitude and thanks to my Beta Darkmousey!
Also thank you to those who took the time to review! I really love to hear your thoughts and comments...Please let me know what you thought of this chapter as well whether good or bad. Thank you.
Enjoy,
DawnFire_ice
Chapter 8
Hiei growled warningly at his companions as they opened their mouths to speak. "Wake her here, you fools, and I'll gut you where you stand,” he hissed at them in a tone low enough to reach their ears but not hers.
Kurama covered Yusuke's mouth before he could doom them both, knowing that Hiei was deadly serious. Though curiosity burned in his mind like a wildfire, he knew that he would get nowhere if he did not follow the hybrid’s instructions and so turned with a gesture of his head. “Botan will be watching for us at the edge of this realm. I suggest we get out of here,” he whispered.
Kurama had his own reasons for wanting to get out of the hellhole they stood in. Hiei had not been the only one forced to live through Kage’s painful illusions once they’d been separated. The illusions that he had endured had dug deep into his true memories and had surfaced some very painful experiences. Kuronue had been very dear to him and yet watching him die had been so very confusing. Kage had twisted the truth, leaving Kurama much the way he had been during the battle with the underworld when they pretended to be Kuronue to kill him.
That had been probably the hardest battle he'd ever faced, but this one came close. This time Kuronue had not been simply telling him to run; he had also confessed his love with his dying breath. Kuronue had whispered all of the words Yoko had longed to hear from his partner’s full lips, but instead of being able to pull the other youkai into his arms he was forced to watch as crimson blood trickled from his mouth and as his lifeblood drained through the hollow tubes of bamboo, the illusion making it impossible to turn away or run.
Even now tears stung at his eyes as he looked back towards the room where he'd seen his partner’s face. Trying to manipulate the illusion had been impossible. But still he had tried, even knowing that Kuronue was long since dead, having sacrificed himself to save him. It had been heart wrenching and left him in a rare show of tears. At that time he had been very glad that he had not had either Yusuke or Hiei near him to witness his shame. Yusuke had probably gone through his own form of hell too, though it was very difficult to tell with the Toushin since he still looked like death warmed over. Keiko had really done a number on their friend and he truly hoped that life would get better for him.
However, even though his mind was in turmoil, there was a constant that refused to be silent and that was the question of how in the world the girl survived. He had checked her pulse and her breath himself when he'd hugged her close but there had been neither. He had been certain that her life had been ended by the very being who was even now holding her as if she was made of glass. How had he missed the deep feelings growing in his stoic companion? Sure, the miko was beautiful and powerful and very desirable, but there were others too that had those qualities, yet Hiei had never even glanced twice. So why this girl? Why the one girl he and his true self could agree on? Why did it have to be her? His green eyes clouded with jealousy as he glared at the hybrid’s back.
Yusuke glanced over at his friend and followed his glare. With a sigh he put his hand on the other man’s shoulder. “Is it really worth it?” he asked quietly.
Was it? Kurama paused, mentally thinking over the words. Was it worth it to deprive his companion something he himself had learned the importance of so long ago? Hiei had never known love or kindness. He'd never had someone whisper those words that could heal a soul. He himself had been raised by a human onna who thought of him as her son. But Hiei…Hiei had nothing. Still, could he really just walk away from her? Even if by some miracle she did care for the other youkai, he had not placed an official claim...
Sighing in defeat, he slowly shook his head in the negative. “Not really, Yusuke. But I can't seem to help myself. We want her. Both the side of me that is Yoko and the side of me that is human. That has never happened before. I-” He stopped himself. Why was he blabbering like a fool when Hiei could hear every word? Surely the hybrid would think his words held some form of a betrayal. Even Yusuke was looking at him with an expression of disbelief. In his mind he had felt the connection to Hiei nearly cut off, ruthlessly signifying the fury of the apparition. Dammit, he had forgotten that he was listening to his thoughts too... “I didn't mean... Hiei, I...”
Hiei stopped walking to turn a narrow, heated glare on the fox he'd begun to trust implicitly. “From this moment on, I see you as competition, not my teammate or companion or anything else. In this you are my enemy and I will show you no mercy.” His carmine orbs reflected his anger but also his hurt before he turned and darted away, clutching gently but firmly his only lifeline, the sole purpose of his existence now, to his chest.
Betrayal burned through him as the thoughts of his friend—no, the fox’s— mind echoed through his own. The bastard knew he had nothing except her and still wanted to take her from him. Hiei struggled to breathe under the weight of the pain in his chest. Hiei had never felt such a feeling before and it nearly paralyzed him in its intensity. He realized the miko must have sensed his turmoil as a wave of calm washed over him, soothing away the anger and hurt. Cautiously he glanced down at her, having not sensed her wake.
She had not awoken, and though he could feel her steady breaths the desire to see her beautiful cobalt eyes stirred heavily within him. He needed her to look at him so that he would know just how much she did remember. He had tried to find the connection with her that had been forged only to find it gone or never had existed; both possibilities frustrated him.
In a way he dreaded her waking as much as he longed for it. The jewel had said that she would not remember loving him or wanting him but that she would remember him. “Dammit,” he hissed between clenched teeth as his thoughts spun in circles beginning and ending with her. It was beyond anything he had ever felt or had to consider; honestly he was baffled as to how to win someone’s affections. He had no idea how he'd even managed to earn her love and affection before. He had been a complete ass. His mind swam with all of the memories he had of Kagome that she no longer remembered. “Because I like you.” Those words had become so precious to him and she no longer remembered.
Hiei could never remember feeling so alone. He'd never had anyone so he'd never realized how lonely he truly was. Of course he could watch over Yukina, but she didn't know him. Kagome had. He wasn't certain he should try to win her love again. If something went wrong and she didn't want him he wasn't certain he could ever recover.
Why should he try? “Because I like you,” her voice was sweet in his mind. She must have liked him for some time too. Was it possible that she'd liked him from the beginning? If so, then she would still right? Even if it wasn't love, she had still felt something. Hiei felt his heart lighten a little, though he still ached for what he had done. Somehow he had to make it right. Even if he had been lost in one of Kage's illusions he had killed her by his own hand. He needed her to forgive him. He needed her to purify his heart with her smile.
Bypassing the place where Botan waited for them, Hiei carried his precious cargo further into the Makai. He had long before left Yusuke and the fox behind him and they had no chance of catching up to him when he truly wished to be uncaught. No one knew of all of the hidden portals into and out of the Makai like Hiei did, and so he decided to return her directly home to her shrine. Running at full speed was beginning to drain him though, so he slowed a bit to give himself a chance to recover before the final stretch.
A flash of light followed by deafening boom of thunder was the only warning he got before the red sky of the Makai, cloaked in dark clouds, ripped wide open and dumped its precipitation down on to them. Hiei cursed under his breath as he tried to shield her small form from the torrent of rain pelting them as he searched at the same time for proper shelter.
Kagome stirred in his arms, her eyes fluttering open, her brow wrinkled in confusion as she tried to recall why she was soaked and moving swiftly. Looking up she saw the determined shape of a youkai who was carrying her to some unknown destination. In the darkness she could not make out his face, though from his youki she could identify him. What was she doing in the middle of nowhere in the dark with...Hiei? Her face reddened as a breeze brushed her bare hip and she realized that she was nearly unclothed. “Uh...Hiei?” she asked quietly.
Hiei skidded to a stop, nearly dropping her in surprise. He had not noticed her wake and had been startled by the question and uncertainty in her voice. Swallowing hard he slowly turned his eyes to hers and searched them silently for an instant. “You were stolen from your home while you slept and I recovered you before any harm could befall you. However I was not in time to spare your clothing, I'm afraid.” The lie burned in his throat as he spoke. Kagome's gaze didn't shift. “I feel like I've been asleep for a long time...?” she trailed off. Hiei nodded “You were given something to make you sleep. I guess it just wore off.” The ease in which Kagome was accepting his lies was telling of all of the adventures she'd had. Even so, it was painful to lie to her as he disliked untruths greatly.
Kagome watched the emotions play through his eyes but some of them confused her. But being kidnapped at odd times was common for her. As such she knew that it was pointless to get upset about every occurrence. Even though she'd been back for a year she had known it was not going to last. Her life had always been filled with danger when in the feudal era, so why should her modern life be different? On the other hand, Hiei had never really struck her as a warm caring type, so the concern he was showing was a little unnerving. How had he known where to find her? Had he been close by as he had promised, watching over her like a silent protector? The thought warmed her even as he lowered her to the stone floor of the cave he'd taken her to.
“Finding dry wood in this will be impossible. Sit closer to me,” he commanded as gently as he dared trying to sound like the youkai she'd met months previously, reminding himself that she did not remember. Raising the temperature around them, he began to coax his youki to dry her wet hair and keep the chill away.
The look on her face spoke loudly of her confusion and Hiei knew that she had seen the change in his attitude. With a sigh, Hiei looked at Kagome. He needed answers and picking them from her mind was not possible unless he let her in and she him. “Onna, let me see if there was any damage to your mind from the drug they gave you,” he said flatly. The Jagan eye on his forehead opened and pulsed as he pushed at her mental barriers. “Kagome you have to let me in. You'll have to trust me,” he urged, forgetting his reason he had to be abrasive.
Kagome blinked, feeling like she had forgotten something very important. Or that she was missing something. Hiei seemed like two different people. What had happened to her really? Uncertainly, she nodded her head and closed her eyes waiting. Eyes flying open at the hesitant touch of his telepathic energy touching her mind, Kagome met his carmine eyes with her trusting cobalt orbs. “It’s alright Hiei, I know you won't hurt me,” she encouraged, opening herself up to him.
Hiei sighed as he gently and secretly searched her mind for the information that he sought. She remembered him up till his promise to stay nearby. That at least gave him a place to start. Kagome remembered him positively, so that was a plus. And he had been right: she had liked him from the start, and that gave him hope.
Slowly he withdrew from her mind and sighed in relief as he once again felt the presence of a link with her. Apparently the Jagan disliked not having a connection to her as much as he had. Now though, he knew how he should act and he nearly sighed again as he dropped the not-so-Hiei persona. Acting that way made him feel fake and shallow, two things he was not.
Still, as she cuddled closer to his natural heat, he wondered if the old human adage of catching flies with honey was true, and if so, if he should continue to try to be nice? Shrugging mentally Hiei decided that since they had forever together one way or another, he was just going to be himself. After all, how could he win her love if he was not real in all aspects? Kagome was the one being in the world who would be unable to betray his trust simply by virtue of what they both now were. So really there was no harm in letting down his walls, just with her...
The silence was stretching uncomfortably for Kagome. “Hiei, I told you a story…so will you tell me one?”
Hiei frowned thoughtfully, considering what to tell her. Finally deciding to help her understand him better, he began to tell her a “story”.
“High in the forbidden ice city of the Koorime there was an onna who broke their only law. She had an affair with a fire apparition and had become with child. Her timing had been good enough to hide the betrayal to the other Koorime as she became pregnant in the way of her people, but when her children were born it was very clear and obvious, for the Koorime only ever birth female children, but she had two, and one child was male. Knowing the law, she wept bitterly, for she was denied even seeing her child’s face as he was wrapped in sealing sutras and thrown from the floating ice realm. Though she had another child, the distress of losing the one who so resembled the lover she had taken proved too much and the Koorime committed suicide, believing that her son had died.”
Hiei opened his eyes as he stopped speaking. Kagome was shaking against him but her face was turned away so he could not read her face. But then again, he did not need to see her face to know that she was weeping for the poor infant child and his grief-stricken mother. He had known that her reaction would be similar to this but he was not expecting her next question.
“Hiei, how did you survive?”
Her voice was soft with emotion but she looked at him expectantly. Waiting to hear his answer she locked her gaze with his. “How did you know?” he asked her slowly, unsure of how to process how well she knew him, even with no memory of the last three months.
Kagome sighed, leaning in to him to absorb more of his raised body heat. “Hiei I learned about you from the Taijiya and the hanyou I told you of. We happened upon a child of forbidden origins and I wanted to help her, but then she died and I could do nothing as her conflicting powers tore her apart. I asked the slayer why that had occurred and she told me that such a violent death was the reason they were forbidden. Then she told me that there was a boy who had supposedly survived, though by all rights his elements should have canceled each other out. Fire and ice. I remembered because I thought that you had to be an incredible youkai to survive. So please tell me Hiei. How did you survive?”
“By doing what I had to onna. Now you should get some sleep,” he snapped at her. He expected her to get angry at his tone or to be hurt by it but when she turned and put her arms around him he was baffled and wary. “I'm so sorry Hiei. I should have known better than to have asked something like that. Of course it would be a painful memory. Forgive me?” she whispered in to his chest.
Hiei forced himself to not move, though he wanted nothing more than to embrace her tightly against his chest. However, he was still at the tail end of his heat and he dared not for fear that his instinctive nature would rise again. So far he had been able to control himself but he was not as masochistic as some thought and he had no desire to torment himself further.
Kagome sensed his unease and moved a bit away from him to give him space. Glancing at the open cave entrance that was still letting cold air into the shallow space, Kagome looked at the youkai in question. “Should I put up a barrier to keep the cold out?”
Hiei shook his head, suddenly annoyed with the whole situation. “If you raise your energy further than it is we will have the whole of Makai to deal with, baka Onna. As it is I am shielding us with my youki so nothing detects you. Unfortunately, I cannot put up a barrier and shield you and heat the air at the same time without draining myself. If your weak ningen body is cold you will have to move closer to me again. The weather will break within the hour and I will take you home. Until then keep your useless powers to yourself.” He snapped his jaw shut, cursing himself for such thoughtless words.
Kagome looked at the floor with a frown at the condescending tone he'd used. She was angry. Suddenly her head snapped up. “I only wanted to help,” she snapped at him. “I'm not helpless and I'm not completely untrained any more. I could have probably defended myself if I hadn't been drugged!” Standing up, she put her hands on her hips. “I am the guardian of the Shikon no Tama. And I am not useless! I don't need someone like you to take me home. And if I'm such a bother then don't help! I should have known better than to think that any of you youkai would ever be any different. None of you can ever see that I am different than other humans! You must all either be blind or stupid. I haven't figured out which!” With those words she turned on her heel to leave, but Hiei blocked her path.
He wanted to be angry at her for what she had said, but he had gotten a very good look at her thoughts as she'd spoken and knew that she had reacted out of pain and not anger. He wasn't going to apologize, but he still felt bad for taking the annoyance of the situation out on her. “Sit down Onna. I mean sit down... Kagome,” he urged, trying to keep his voice level. He did not often use the names of those he spoke to, and doing so felt awkward and too familiar for his liking, but she sat down with an odd look on her face as he struggled for a moment to find the words to say. He rarely spoke with his voice when thoughts were so much easier.
“I am unused to doing so but I will explain things. Makai is a world of demons where humans usually do not go, and most certainly not mikos. Almost all of the youkai here would love to kill you simply for the power you possess. They would never think twice about it. The Reikai governs only half of the first level of the Makai and that makes this an untamed unmanageable wild land.” He frowned as he thought for a long moment of what he wanted to say before he continued. “I know that you are able to defend yourself but I am here so that you don't have to.” He watched her closely, waiting for her to calm down. To his relief the taut line of her spine was loosening as he spoke.
“Kagome, you are no bother to me,” he admitted quietly. She broke then as though shattering into a thousand pieces, her tears pouring from her eyes. Gritting his teeth against the rough words he would have spoken, he gathered her small form from the ground where she'd collapsed in the wave of her tears and held her to him as he walked back over to the far end of the cave where they had been sitting.
“Inu-He never told me those words. He never said them. Even in the three and a half years we traveled together, he never once said that protecting me was not a bother. All he ever said was that I was useless and weak and ugly and pathetic. I could never compare to her. Not in anything I tried to be or do.” She sighed, trying to smile wanly despite the pain “But even so, any time I was in danger he would rush to my side. I knew he cared in some way though; it was in his eyes.”
“He was my best friend and I loved him but I was a bother to him and couldn't even compare to his dead lover. Even when she tried to kill me for my soul he couldn't hate her. She and I were the same to him. I was just a copy of her. Her reincarnation, her shadow.” Her words were garbled and choked with her sobs but Hiei followed every word as he had the night he'd asked for her story.
Hiei didn't like the thought that she had loved anothe,r, but the way she'd spoken was the same as with Yukina so he brushed it off. Glancing down at her he realized that she had fallen asleep, most likely from the raw emotions that had wracked her small body and the stress of the day. Deciding the cave was warm enough he placed a barrier and joined her in sleep, leaving the Jagan to protect them.
She was sleeping restlessly. Subconsciously she was reaching out for something and latched on to Hiei’s energy with her mind. It seemed to calm her and she drifted deeper in to sleep. Hiei frowned as he was pulled from his light rest by her shifting. He removed the ward over the Jagan and allowed it to open fully to search for the disturbance. Instantly he was bombarded with a flurry of images passing too quickly for him to see clearly before the girl’s mind settled in to a dream…
Hiei found himself standing in a familiar forest clearing in the night. Above him was a myriad of stars. Looking around he noticed the thin shapes of soul collector demons as they darted to and fro. Silently he followed one that was clutching a soul and came upon a scene that he was certain was burned in to the woman’s memory, though he did not understand fully what he saw. As he looked on a feeling of deja vu washed over him and he had a feeling of where this dream would lead...
In another clearing was an Inu hanyou coupling with a woman who looked a lot like the girl he held, except he could see her standing in shock at the other side of the clearing. Her feelings swamped the dream with despair and shock and then acceptance. ”He was never mine to begin with,” she said sadly as tears coursed down her cheeks and she turned from the scene and ran.
Hiei followed her back to the same clearing he’d started in and watched with interest as the girl ran into the clearing and leaped without a pause into the old well there. A bright flash of light surrounded him as he was drawn through the well with her and then as she climbed out in a building. Opening the door, she left the well house and moved quickly the shrine grounds, where she fairly ran to the shadowy figure standing by the tree.
“Hiei!” She cried as she again threw herself in to his arms.
The Hiei in her dreams stood there for a moment before pushing her away roughly and saying in a mockingly similar voice as his own,
“You are worthless and ugly. Why would any youkai look at you with anything but disgust?”
Hiei blinked as he watched his dream self continue to verbally batter the woman again till she collapsed into a crumpled heap, sobbing. To say he was disturbed even more than last time would be an understatement, considering he now knew she liked him. He had never said such a thing to the miko and could not understand why she would think he ever would. She was beautiful and, secretly, very precious to him and he grew angry with himself standing there speaking lies.
In a blink he drew his katana and sliced the dream Hiei in half. Then moving slower, he drew the sobbing woman up off the ground in her dream as he did the same in reality. He pulled her into his arms and he held her as she wept. “Kagome, why do you think these things? Is this how you truly see me?” he questioned her, ignoring the sharp pain that shot through his chest. He had to know why in her dreams he was so cruel.
She shook her head. “This is how I see myself,” she cried. “I am worthless and ugly and pathetic. He was right; no one could ever love a pitiful thing like me! A corpse was a better choice than me. I don't know how you stand being close to me.” In her dream she looked up at him. All the sparkle was gone from her cobalt depths and despair clouded them to a grey.
“Miko, you could not be more wrong,” Hiei stated flatly before his lips crashed over hers in a scalding kiss. She would believe it was no more than a dream, so he gave himself over to the feelings he'd tried to suppress. Outside of her dream Hiei was nearly overwhelmed as he kissed her.
At first she froze as he kissed her but then she relaxed into his arms and let him lead her as she had never been kissed like this before. Hiei growled softly against her lips as she responded with a sigh, giving him the invitation he'd been hoping for. His mouth slanted over hers as he delved his tongue in to her warm, moist cavern, tasting for the first time the sweetness of her.
It was addicting and intoxicating and he slowed the kiss to fully enjoy his newfound drug. Oh yes, a drug was a good description of her because he was now certain that if he could not win her love he would go mad from the wanting. This had definitely been a bad idea. He pulled back from her slowly, allowing her a much needed breath. She trembled in his arms as she struggled to breathe, her dream having a full affect on her. Hiei withdrew his mind and carefully moved to the other side of the cave staring out at the rain as though he'd been there the entire time. Truthfully though, he was trying to get back some semblance of control over his body so that she would be none the wiser.
Kagome was very against opening her eyes as she feared she would have to face the male who figured so prominently in her dreams. His kiss had been incredible and earth shattering. So had the words that the second Hiei had spoken. Kamis how she wished that had been real. Although her memories told her that she'd only known him a day her heart told her she'd known him longer, and it was her heart that she trusted.
Opening one eye she peeked over at him thoughtfully. His back was to her, but she knew with surety that he was aware of her movements. As well as, most likely, the blush that heated her cheeks and made her want to bury her head in her arms and never look at him again. She licked her lips and was puzzled by the slight taste of warm, sweet spices.
Hiei couldn't help himself as he glanced over and saw the enticing pink of her cheeks. “Sleep well?” he asked in his usual flat tone. Watching from the corner of his eye as she flushed a brighter darker red and fumbled over a reply, he smirked to himself. She was just going to be too fun to tease, especially with her temper and easy blushes. She didn't have to know he thought she was funny. In fact, he hoped that he could tease her without her ever figuring out that it was for his own amusement. With that in mind he walked closer to her and looked at her red face with a frown. “Your face is red,” he informed her flatly, watching silently and as stoically as possible as her fluster grew and she ducked her head, hiding, no doubt, from his eyes.
“Come on, the rain has slowed and broken for a short time. If we hurry we can beat it to the Ningenkai,” he stated and gave her no further warning as he scooped her from the ground and into his arms. Was that shade of red humanly possible? A chuckle slipped through his teeth before he cleared his throat. Without a word he dashed outside, cradling Kagome in his arms as he ran at full speed to the human world...
*~*~*~*~*~*
My gratitude and thanks to my Beta Darkmousey!
Also thank you to those who took the time to review! I really love to hear your thoughts and comments...Please let me know what you thought of this chapter as well whether good or bad. Thank you.
Enjoy,
DawnFire_ice
Chapter 8
Hiei growled warningly at his companions as they opened their mouths to speak. "Wake her here, you fools, and I'll gut you where you stand,” he hissed at them in a tone low enough to reach their ears but not hers.
Kurama covered Yusuke's mouth before he could doom them both, knowing that Hiei was deadly serious. Though curiosity burned in his mind like a wildfire, he knew that he would get nowhere if he did not follow the hybrid’s instructions and so turned with a gesture of his head. “Botan will be watching for us at the edge of this realm. I suggest we get out of here,” he whispered.
Kurama had his own reasons for wanting to get out of the hellhole they stood in. Hiei had not been the only one forced to live through Kage’s painful illusions once they’d been separated. The illusions that he had endured had dug deep into his true memories and had surfaced some very painful experiences. Kuronue had been very dear to him and yet watching him die had been so very confusing. Kage had twisted the truth, leaving Kurama much the way he had been during the battle with the underworld when they pretended to be Kuronue to kill him.
That had been probably the hardest battle he'd ever faced, but this one came close. This time Kuronue had not been simply telling him to run; he had also confessed his love with his dying breath. Kuronue had whispered all of the words Yoko had longed to hear from his partner’s full lips, but instead of being able to pull the other youkai into his arms he was forced to watch as crimson blood trickled from his mouth and as his lifeblood drained through the hollow tubes of bamboo, the illusion making it impossible to turn away or run.
Even now tears stung at his eyes as he looked back towards the room where he'd seen his partner’s face. Trying to manipulate the illusion had been impossible. But still he had tried, even knowing that Kuronue was long since dead, having sacrificed himself to save him. It had been heart wrenching and left him in a rare show of tears. At that time he had been very glad that he had not had either Yusuke or Hiei near him to witness his shame. Yusuke had probably gone through his own form of hell too, though it was very difficult to tell with the Toushin since he still looked like death warmed over. Keiko had really done a number on their friend and he truly hoped that life would get better for him.
However, even though his mind was in turmoil, there was a constant that refused to be silent and that was the question of how in the world the girl survived. He had checked her pulse and her breath himself when he'd hugged her close but there had been neither. He had been certain that her life had been ended by the very being who was even now holding her as if she was made of glass. How had he missed the deep feelings growing in his stoic companion? Sure, the miko was beautiful and powerful and very desirable, but there were others too that had those qualities, yet Hiei had never even glanced twice. So why this girl? Why the one girl he and his true self could agree on? Why did it have to be her? His green eyes clouded with jealousy as he glared at the hybrid’s back.
Yusuke glanced over at his friend and followed his glare. With a sigh he put his hand on the other man’s shoulder. “Is it really worth it?” he asked quietly.
Was it? Kurama paused, mentally thinking over the words. Was it worth it to deprive his companion something he himself had learned the importance of so long ago? Hiei had never known love or kindness. He'd never had someone whisper those words that could heal a soul. He himself had been raised by a human onna who thought of him as her son. But Hiei…Hiei had nothing. Still, could he really just walk away from her? Even if by some miracle she did care for the other youkai, he had not placed an official claim...
Sighing in defeat, he slowly shook his head in the negative. “Not really, Yusuke. But I can't seem to help myself. We want her. Both the side of me that is Yoko and the side of me that is human. That has never happened before. I-” He stopped himself. Why was he blabbering like a fool when Hiei could hear every word? Surely the hybrid would think his words held some form of a betrayal. Even Yusuke was looking at him with an expression of disbelief. In his mind he had felt the connection to Hiei nearly cut off, ruthlessly signifying the fury of the apparition. Dammit, he had forgotten that he was listening to his thoughts too... “I didn't mean... Hiei, I...”
Hiei stopped walking to turn a narrow, heated glare on the fox he'd begun to trust implicitly. “From this moment on, I see you as competition, not my teammate or companion or anything else. In this you are my enemy and I will show you no mercy.” His carmine orbs reflected his anger but also his hurt before he turned and darted away, clutching gently but firmly his only lifeline, the sole purpose of his existence now, to his chest.
Betrayal burned through him as the thoughts of his friend—no, the fox’s— mind echoed through his own. The bastard knew he had nothing except her and still wanted to take her from him. Hiei struggled to breathe under the weight of the pain in his chest. Hiei had never felt such a feeling before and it nearly paralyzed him in its intensity. He realized the miko must have sensed his turmoil as a wave of calm washed over him, soothing away the anger and hurt. Cautiously he glanced down at her, having not sensed her wake.
She had not awoken, and though he could feel her steady breaths the desire to see her beautiful cobalt eyes stirred heavily within him. He needed her to look at him so that he would know just how much she did remember. He had tried to find the connection with her that had been forged only to find it gone or never had existed; both possibilities frustrated him.
In a way he dreaded her waking as much as he longed for it. The jewel had said that she would not remember loving him or wanting him but that she would remember him. “Dammit,” he hissed between clenched teeth as his thoughts spun in circles beginning and ending with her. It was beyond anything he had ever felt or had to consider; honestly he was baffled as to how to win someone’s affections. He had no idea how he'd even managed to earn her love and affection before. He had been a complete ass. His mind swam with all of the memories he had of Kagome that she no longer remembered. “Because I like you.” Those words had become so precious to him and she no longer remembered.
Hiei could never remember feeling so alone. He'd never had anyone so he'd never realized how lonely he truly was. Of course he could watch over Yukina, but she didn't know him. Kagome had. He wasn't certain he should try to win her love again. If something went wrong and she didn't want him he wasn't certain he could ever recover.
Why should he try? “Because I like you,” her voice was sweet in his mind. She must have liked him for some time too. Was it possible that she'd liked him from the beginning? If so, then she would still right? Even if it wasn't love, she had still felt something. Hiei felt his heart lighten a little, though he still ached for what he had done. Somehow he had to make it right. Even if he had been lost in one of Kage's illusions he had killed her by his own hand. He needed her to forgive him. He needed her to purify his heart with her smile.
Bypassing the place where Botan waited for them, Hiei carried his precious cargo further into the Makai. He had long before left Yusuke and the fox behind him and they had no chance of catching up to him when he truly wished to be uncaught. No one knew of all of the hidden portals into and out of the Makai like Hiei did, and so he decided to return her directly home to her shrine. Running at full speed was beginning to drain him though, so he slowed a bit to give himself a chance to recover before the final stretch.
A flash of light followed by deafening boom of thunder was the only warning he got before the red sky of the Makai, cloaked in dark clouds, ripped wide open and dumped its precipitation down on to them. Hiei cursed under his breath as he tried to shield her small form from the torrent of rain pelting them as he searched at the same time for proper shelter.
Kagome stirred in his arms, her eyes fluttering open, her brow wrinkled in confusion as she tried to recall why she was soaked and moving swiftly. Looking up she saw the determined shape of a youkai who was carrying her to some unknown destination. In the darkness she could not make out his face, though from his youki she could identify him. What was she doing in the middle of nowhere in the dark with...Hiei? Her face reddened as a breeze brushed her bare hip and she realized that she was nearly unclothed. “Uh...Hiei?” she asked quietly.
Hiei skidded to a stop, nearly dropping her in surprise. He had not noticed her wake and had been startled by the question and uncertainty in her voice. Swallowing hard he slowly turned his eyes to hers and searched them silently for an instant. “You were stolen from your home while you slept and I recovered you before any harm could befall you. However I was not in time to spare your clothing, I'm afraid.” The lie burned in his throat as he spoke. Kagome's gaze didn't shift. “I feel like I've been asleep for a long time...?” she trailed off. Hiei nodded “You were given something to make you sleep. I guess it just wore off.” The ease in which Kagome was accepting his lies was telling of all of the adventures she'd had. Even so, it was painful to lie to her as he disliked untruths greatly.
Kagome watched the emotions play through his eyes but some of them confused her. But being kidnapped at odd times was common for her. As such she knew that it was pointless to get upset about every occurrence. Even though she'd been back for a year she had known it was not going to last. Her life had always been filled with danger when in the feudal era, so why should her modern life be different? On the other hand, Hiei had never really struck her as a warm caring type, so the concern he was showing was a little unnerving. How had he known where to find her? Had he been close by as he had promised, watching over her like a silent protector? The thought warmed her even as he lowered her to the stone floor of the cave he'd taken her to.
“Finding dry wood in this will be impossible. Sit closer to me,” he commanded as gently as he dared trying to sound like the youkai she'd met months previously, reminding himself that she did not remember. Raising the temperature around them, he began to coax his youki to dry her wet hair and keep the chill away.
The look on her face spoke loudly of her confusion and Hiei knew that she had seen the change in his attitude. With a sigh, Hiei looked at Kagome. He needed answers and picking them from her mind was not possible unless he let her in and she him. “Onna, let me see if there was any damage to your mind from the drug they gave you,” he said flatly. The Jagan eye on his forehead opened and pulsed as he pushed at her mental barriers. “Kagome you have to let me in. You'll have to trust me,” he urged, forgetting his reason he had to be abrasive.
Kagome blinked, feeling like she had forgotten something very important. Or that she was missing something. Hiei seemed like two different people. What had happened to her really? Uncertainly, she nodded her head and closed her eyes waiting. Eyes flying open at the hesitant touch of his telepathic energy touching her mind, Kagome met his carmine eyes with her trusting cobalt orbs. “It’s alright Hiei, I know you won't hurt me,” she encouraged, opening herself up to him.
Hiei sighed as he gently and secretly searched her mind for the information that he sought. She remembered him up till his promise to stay nearby. That at least gave him a place to start. Kagome remembered him positively, so that was a plus. And he had been right: she had liked him from the start, and that gave him hope.
Slowly he withdrew from her mind and sighed in relief as he once again felt the presence of a link with her. Apparently the Jagan disliked not having a connection to her as much as he had. Now though, he knew how he should act and he nearly sighed again as he dropped the not-so-Hiei persona. Acting that way made him feel fake and shallow, two things he was not.
Still, as she cuddled closer to his natural heat, he wondered if the old human adage of catching flies with honey was true, and if so, if he should continue to try to be nice? Shrugging mentally Hiei decided that since they had forever together one way or another, he was just going to be himself. After all, how could he win her love if he was not real in all aspects? Kagome was the one being in the world who would be unable to betray his trust simply by virtue of what they both now were. So really there was no harm in letting down his walls, just with her...
The silence was stretching uncomfortably for Kagome. “Hiei, I told you a story…so will you tell me one?”
Hiei frowned thoughtfully, considering what to tell her. Finally deciding to help her understand him better, he began to tell her a “story”.
“High in the forbidden ice city of the Koorime there was an onna who broke their only law. She had an affair with a fire apparition and had become with child. Her timing had been good enough to hide the betrayal to the other Koorime as she became pregnant in the way of her people, but when her children were born it was very clear and obvious, for the Koorime only ever birth female children, but she had two, and one child was male. Knowing the law, she wept bitterly, for she was denied even seeing her child’s face as he was wrapped in sealing sutras and thrown from the floating ice realm. Though she had another child, the distress of losing the one who so resembled the lover she had taken proved too much and the Koorime committed suicide, believing that her son had died.”
Hiei opened his eyes as he stopped speaking. Kagome was shaking against him but her face was turned away so he could not read her face. But then again, he did not need to see her face to know that she was weeping for the poor infant child and his grief-stricken mother. He had known that her reaction would be similar to this but he was not expecting her next question.
“Hiei, how did you survive?”
Her voice was soft with emotion but she looked at him expectantly. Waiting to hear his answer she locked her gaze with his. “How did you know?” he asked her slowly, unsure of how to process how well she knew him, even with no memory of the last three months.
Kagome sighed, leaning in to him to absorb more of his raised body heat. “Hiei I learned about you from the Taijiya and the hanyou I told you of. We happened upon a child of forbidden origins and I wanted to help her, but then she died and I could do nothing as her conflicting powers tore her apart. I asked the slayer why that had occurred and she told me that such a violent death was the reason they were forbidden. Then she told me that there was a boy who had supposedly survived, though by all rights his elements should have canceled each other out. Fire and ice. I remembered because I thought that you had to be an incredible youkai to survive. So please tell me Hiei. How did you survive?”
“By doing what I had to onna. Now you should get some sleep,” he snapped at her. He expected her to get angry at his tone or to be hurt by it but when she turned and put her arms around him he was baffled and wary. “I'm so sorry Hiei. I should have known better than to have asked something like that. Of course it would be a painful memory. Forgive me?” she whispered in to his chest.
Hiei forced himself to not move, though he wanted nothing more than to embrace her tightly against his chest. However, he was still at the tail end of his heat and he dared not for fear that his instinctive nature would rise again. So far he had been able to control himself but he was not as masochistic as some thought and he had no desire to torment himself further.
Kagome sensed his unease and moved a bit away from him to give him space. Glancing at the open cave entrance that was still letting cold air into the shallow space, Kagome looked at the youkai in question. “Should I put up a barrier to keep the cold out?”
Hiei shook his head, suddenly annoyed with the whole situation. “If you raise your energy further than it is we will have the whole of Makai to deal with, baka Onna. As it is I am shielding us with my youki so nothing detects you. Unfortunately, I cannot put up a barrier and shield you and heat the air at the same time without draining myself. If your weak ningen body is cold you will have to move closer to me again. The weather will break within the hour and I will take you home. Until then keep your useless powers to yourself.” He snapped his jaw shut, cursing himself for such thoughtless words.
Kagome looked at the floor with a frown at the condescending tone he'd used. She was angry. Suddenly her head snapped up. “I only wanted to help,” she snapped at him. “I'm not helpless and I'm not completely untrained any more. I could have probably defended myself if I hadn't been drugged!” Standing up, she put her hands on her hips. “I am the guardian of the Shikon no Tama. And I am not useless! I don't need someone like you to take me home. And if I'm such a bother then don't help! I should have known better than to think that any of you youkai would ever be any different. None of you can ever see that I am different than other humans! You must all either be blind or stupid. I haven't figured out which!” With those words she turned on her heel to leave, but Hiei blocked her path.
He wanted to be angry at her for what she had said, but he had gotten a very good look at her thoughts as she'd spoken and knew that she had reacted out of pain and not anger. He wasn't going to apologize, but he still felt bad for taking the annoyance of the situation out on her. “Sit down Onna. I mean sit down... Kagome,” he urged, trying to keep his voice level. He did not often use the names of those he spoke to, and doing so felt awkward and too familiar for his liking, but she sat down with an odd look on her face as he struggled for a moment to find the words to say. He rarely spoke with his voice when thoughts were so much easier.
“I am unused to doing so but I will explain things. Makai is a world of demons where humans usually do not go, and most certainly not mikos. Almost all of the youkai here would love to kill you simply for the power you possess. They would never think twice about it. The Reikai governs only half of the first level of the Makai and that makes this an untamed unmanageable wild land.” He frowned as he thought for a long moment of what he wanted to say before he continued. “I know that you are able to defend yourself but I am here so that you don't have to.” He watched her closely, waiting for her to calm down. To his relief the taut line of her spine was loosening as he spoke.
“Kagome, you are no bother to me,” he admitted quietly. She broke then as though shattering into a thousand pieces, her tears pouring from her eyes. Gritting his teeth against the rough words he would have spoken, he gathered her small form from the ground where she'd collapsed in the wave of her tears and held her to him as he walked back over to the far end of the cave where they had been sitting.
“Inu-He never told me those words. He never said them. Even in the three and a half years we traveled together, he never once said that protecting me was not a bother. All he ever said was that I was useless and weak and ugly and pathetic. I could never compare to her. Not in anything I tried to be or do.” She sighed, trying to smile wanly despite the pain “But even so, any time I was in danger he would rush to my side. I knew he cared in some way though; it was in his eyes.”
“He was my best friend and I loved him but I was a bother to him and couldn't even compare to his dead lover. Even when she tried to kill me for my soul he couldn't hate her. She and I were the same to him. I was just a copy of her. Her reincarnation, her shadow.” Her words were garbled and choked with her sobs but Hiei followed every word as he had the night he'd asked for her story.
Hiei didn't like the thought that she had loved anothe,r, but the way she'd spoken was the same as with Yukina so he brushed it off. Glancing down at her he realized that she had fallen asleep, most likely from the raw emotions that had wracked her small body and the stress of the day. Deciding the cave was warm enough he placed a barrier and joined her in sleep, leaving the Jagan to protect them.
She was sleeping restlessly. Subconsciously she was reaching out for something and latched on to Hiei’s energy with her mind. It seemed to calm her and she drifted deeper in to sleep. Hiei frowned as he was pulled from his light rest by her shifting. He removed the ward over the Jagan and allowed it to open fully to search for the disturbance. Instantly he was bombarded with a flurry of images passing too quickly for him to see clearly before the girl’s mind settled in to a dream…
Hiei found himself standing in a familiar forest clearing in the night. Above him was a myriad of stars. Looking around he noticed the thin shapes of soul collector demons as they darted to and fro. Silently he followed one that was clutching a soul and came upon a scene that he was certain was burned in to the woman’s memory, though he did not understand fully what he saw. As he looked on a feeling of deja vu washed over him and he had a feeling of where this dream would lead...
In another clearing was an Inu hanyou coupling with a woman who looked a lot like the girl he held, except he could see her standing in shock at the other side of the clearing. Her feelings swamped the dream with despair and shock and then acceptance. ”He was never mine to begin with,” she said sadly as tears coursed down her cheeks and she turned from the scene and ran.
Hiei followed her back to the same clearing he’d started in and watched with interest as the girl ran into the clearing and leaped without a pause into the old well there. A bright flash of light surrounded him as he was drawn through the well with her and then as she climbed out in a building. Opening the door, she left the well house and moved quickly the shrine grounds, where she fairly ran to the shadowy figure standing by the tree.
“Hiei!” She cried as she again threw herself in to his arms.
The Hiei in her dreams stood there for a moment before pushing her away roughly and saying in a mockingly similar voice as his own,
“You are worthless and ugly. Why would any youkai look at you with anything but disgust?”
Hiei blinked as he watched his dream self continue to verbally batter the woman again till she collapsed into a crumpled heap, sobbing. To say he was disturbed even more than last time would be an understatement, considering he now knew she liked him. He had never said such a thing to the miko and could not understand why she would think he ever would. She was beautiful and, secretly, very precious to him and he grew angry with himself standing there speaking lies.
In a blink he drew his katana and sliced the dream Hiei in half. Then moving slower, he drew the sobbing woman up off the ground in her dream as he did the same in reality. He pulled her into his arms and he held her as she wept. “Kagome, why do you think these things? Is this how you truly see me?” he questioned her, ignoring the sharp pain that shot through his chest. He had to know why in her dreams he was so cruel.
She shook her head. “This is how I see myself,” she cried. “I am worthless and ugly and pathetic. He was right; no one could ever love a pitiful thing like me! A corpse was a better choice than me. I don't know how you stand being close to me.” In her dream she looked up at him. All the sparkle was gone from her cobalt depths and despair clouded them to a grey.
“Miko, you could not be more wrong,” Hiei stated flatly before his lips crashed over hers in a scalding kiss. She would believe it was no more than a dream, so he gave himself over to the feelings he'd tried to suppress. Outside of her dream Hiei was nearly overwhelmed as he kissed her.
At first she froze as he kissed her but then she relaxed into his arms and let him lead her as she had never been kissed like this before. Hiei growled softly against her lips as she responded with a sigh, giving him the invitation he'd been hoping for. His mouth slanted over hers as he delved his tongue in to her warm, moist cavern, tasting for the first time the sweetness of her.
It was addicting and intoxicating and he slowed the kiss to fully enjoy his newfound drug. Oh yes, a drug was a good description of her because he was now certain that if he could not win her love he would go mad from the wanting. This had definitely been a bad idea. He pulled back from her slowly, allowing her a much needed breath. She trembled in his arms as she struggled to breathe, her dream having a full affect on her. Hiei withdrew his mind and carefully moved to the other side of the cave staring out at the rain as though he'd been there the entire time. Truthfully though, he was trying to get back some semblance of control over his body so that she would be none the wiser.
Kagome was very against opening her eyes as she feared she would have to face the male who figured so prominently in her dreams. His kiss had been incredible and earth shattering. So had the words that the second Hiei had spoken. Kamis how she wished that had been real. Although her memories told her that she'd only known him a day her heart told her she'd known him longer, and it was her heart that she trusted.
Opening one eye she peeked over at him thoughtfully. His back was to her, but she knew with surety that he was aware of her movements. As well as, most likely, the blush that heated her cheeks and made her want to bury her head in her arms and never look at him again. She licked her lips and was puzzled by the slight taste of warm, sweet spices.
Hiei couldn't help himself as he glanced over and saw the enticing pink of her cheeks. “Sleep well?” he asked in his usual flat tone. Watching from the corner of his eye as she flushed a brighter darker red and fumbled over a reply, he smirked to himself. She was just going to be too fun to tease, especially with her temper and easy blushes. She didn't have to know he thought she was funny. In fact, he hoped that he could tease her without her ever figuring out that it was for his own amusement. With that in mind he walked closer to her and looked at her red face with a frown. “Your face is red,” he informed her flatly, watching silently and as stoically as possible as her fluster grew and she ducked her head, hiding, no doubt, from his eyes.
“Come on, the rain has slowed and broken for a short time. If we hurry we can beat it to the Ningenkai,” he stated and gave her no further warning as he scooped her from the ground and into his arms. Was that shade of red humanly possible? A chuckle slipped through his teeth before he cleared his throat. Without a word he dashed outside, cradling Kagome in his arms as he ran at full speed to the human world...