InuYasha Fan Fiction / Yu Yu Hakusho Fan Fiction ❯ Silent Regrets ❯ Chapter 2

[ X - Adult: No readers under 18. Contains Graphic Adult Themes/Extreme violence. ]

Title: Silent Regrets
Author: Ryukotsusei
Disclaimer: Inuyasha and Yu Yu Hakusho belong to their respective owners. As much as I wish I could claim a part of it, I cannot. The plot however and any OC's my twisted mind happens to come up with though is mine.

Chapter Two

The sound of the door shutting behind her was soft, yet at the same time it seemed to fill the room. The house was empty now, filled only with the memories that her family had left behind. Kagome kicked off her shoes and walked deeper into the house, stopping briefly at the thermostat to turn the heat up a bit. She knew she was cold, even if she didn't feel it. She had spent far too long outside and had become numb to the cold. She shrugged off her light jacket and hung it up to dry, it hadn't been adequate protection against the elements but she hadn't exactly been thinking clearly when she walked outside. The bits of snow that clung to her hair began to melt, water beginning to trail down and soaking her clothes. With a sigh she moved over to the couch and sank down into it, drawing her legs up underneath her as she stared the far wall. Her eyes lingered on a family portrait there, they had all been so happy that day. How could they have known that only a few short weeks later their lives would be destroyed?

Kagome wasn't sure how much longer she'd be able to take the solitude before completely breaking down, or going mad. Either option was becoming more likely with each passing day. That was not to say that she was alone all the time, quite the contrary. It hadn't taken long before the four men who had saved her that day decided to make her a part of their own families so to speak and made it a point to visit often but it wasn't the same. Buyo jumped onto the couch and curled up in her lap, her hands began to run through the cat's short fur. It was almost funny that one silly cat was what had started it all. If Buyo hadn't gone into the well house she would have never went in after him, never been dragged down the well. Yet he remained oblivious to it all, purring contentedly under the attention he was receiving. "What will I do with you?"

The wilds of the feudal era was no place for a pampered house cat such as him, it would be too much of a shock for him. Kazuma was fond of him though and already had a cat, they got along fine together. She remembered the first time they had introduced the cats to each other. Kazuma had brought Eikichi over and set her down on the floor. Buyo had come downstairs, cautiously as if he knew that his home had just been invaded by another of the feline persuasion.

"Buyo don't be such a 'fraidy cat, she isn't going to hurt you." Kagome had walked over and picked him up, bringing him into the room before setting him on the floor in front of Eikichi. The other cat merely looked on curiously before cautiously batting at his nose. Buyo sneezed much to Kagome's amusement before pouncing on the other cat in play.

"I'm surprised they get along so well already. Eikichi usually doesn't take to other cats so fast." Kuwabara was impressed at the development. He wasn't sure why Kagome had been wanting the two cats to meet but he had agreed to it since it would make her happy. He had been glad that he had, Kagome's smile was one of the first real ones he had seen on her face.

Kagome had turned her attention to Kuwabara and looked thoughtful for several moments, earning a puzzled look from the man. "Kazuma I need to ask a favor of you." She hadn't been sure of what he would say, but this was important to her. Buyo was the last remaining member of her family, even if he had four legs and a tail. She had to make sure he'd be taken care of.

Kuwabara had nodded, waiting for her to continue. He hadn't known Kagome for very long but in that time he had learned she didn't often ask for favors unless they were important.

"I need to ask you if you'd be willing to take care of him for me. You know, if anything should happen and I can't do it. I wouldn't want him to go to the shelter or anything, he likes you and he likes Eikichi. Would you be willing to take him?" She had turned her most pleading expression on him even though it wasn't needed. Kuwabara always was a softy when it came to cats.

Kuwabara looked at her oddly before nodding. "Of course I'll take care of him for you. But nothing is going to happen to you so don't even think it." He had seen Kagome looking like she was going to protest and cut her off. "No, no arguments Kagome. Nothing is going to happen, if they even try they have to come through us first. Even Hiei would agree with me on this one. He'd probably be the first one out there killing things. So don't worry, you're going to be fine."

Kagome had smiled sadly then, he just didn't understand but she wasn't going to argue. She had what she needed, Buyo would be taken care of. The guys couldn't be there all the time and she wouldn't ask them to be. One day something would happen and she would die, it was a given. Everything died eventually, it was a fact of life. "Thank you Kazuma, this means a lot to me."

A towel landing on her head yanked her out of her memories, causing her to look up at the person who interrupted her.

Hiei was looking at her with narrowed eyes, more than a little concerned that she had come inside and not bothered to do anything about her half frozen state. He had been standing there for the past ten minutes watching her, knowing she was too far out of it to notice that he had come inside. "You'll put the cat down and get yourself dried off is what you'll do. You'll warm up faster once you do."

Kagome scowled from beneath the towel. She knew he was only concerned for her though, even if he did have a strange way of showing it. "I'm not a child you know."

Hiei snorted at this, he was very well aware that she was not a child and would never mistake her for one. But that didn't mean she was using common sense at the moment either. "I never said you were. Get moving, if you get sick I am not taking care of you."

Kagome glared at him, hurt by what he had said. "I never said I expected you to did I? I can take care of myself." Abruptly she stood, snatching the towel off of her head and walked up to her room. She locked the door behind her once she was inside and stripped off her damp clothing. 'If he has such a problem taking care of me then why is he even here? Maybe I should have just gone back like Inuyasha asked.' She shook her head, no, she couldn't have gone back then. She hadn't been ready at that time, she couldn't face how everyone else was moving on with their lives. Everyone else was happy, she was the only one that had nothing to look forward to. It was selfish to think that way she knew but she couldn't help it.

Sango and Miroku had wed before her life had fallen apart. They were happy, just as she knew they would be and now they were expecting a family of their own. Inuyasha was a friend, a very good friend but after a while it became painfully obvious to her that the scars on his heart were too deep for even her to heal. As much as they cared for each other there would always be something holding him back from loving her completely. As much as she wished she could blame it on Kikyo, she couldn't. Fate had destroyed any future those two might have had together and the priestess had met her end once more after Naraku had been killed. No, what held Inuyasha back was fear and until he decided he could move past it there was no chance of a relationship between the two of them. Instead he went about life as he normally did with one exception, he had taken to training Shippo as best he could considering they were different types of youkai. Even the kitsune she had come to care for as a brother was growing up as was expected and eventually would set off to make a life of his own.

She had been unwilling to face them, not wanting to be the one to cast a shadow over their happiness. She had though that maybe by staying in her own time things would somehow get better. Maybe it had, she no longer felt the all consuming grief that had weighed down so heavily on her. She sighed, pulling on her dry clothing and then sat on the bed. Was she ready to return now? She was divided on that decision. She had friends there but no real reason to leave her own time permanently aside from the growing loneliness. But she wasn't certain she could stay either. She needed a reason, she needed to be wanted and she knew who she wanted it to come from. "Hiei.."

She couldn't stay mad at him, he had done so much to help her get through this. She wasn't certain how it had happened but she had come to need him. Would he ever look at her in that way? A weak human girl such as herself? She had taken to watching him a long time ago, at first hoping for a friend. She wasn't sure when it had grown into more than that, by the time she realized what was happening it was too late to stop it. It had developed into a desire for more but he always seemed to hold himself back from her. Yet he wasn't cold, far from it in fact. He treated her differently than he did the others, even if it wasn't noticeable to the casual observer.

She remembered going to visit her family, on the anniversary of their deaths. She hadn't told anyone that she was going, not wanting to ask them to take time out of their lives to go with her. They hadn't known her mother, grandfather or Souta. She felt that it would be wrong somehow to ask them to accompany her. So when Hiei appeared beside her from the shadows at the cemetery she had been surprised. She knelt down in the grass, ignoring the fine powder of snow that had dusted the ground. She laid the flowers beside each headstone, saying a prayer for her family before she stood once more. "It's hard to believe that only a year has past. It seems so much longer."

"It's because you dwell in the past so much." Hiei had made it a point to watch over her carefully that day, fully aware of what the date was. He had known that she would be down, seeing her family cut down like that would have a profound effect on anyone, including himself. The others had made mention of going with her as well, even though she hadn't asked but he had waved them off. He wasn't exactly sure how she would feel about a large group of people surrounding her and had told them he would be the one to accompany her.

Kagome had nodded, knowing that he was right. That was one thing she could always count on, he was very observant and usually his observations were dead on. "You're right. I was so mad when I left the last time. I was supposed to spend the day with Souta but Inuyasha had come through the well the well that morning. Shippo had been driving him crazy that day, you know how kitsune are." Kagome had fallen silent for a moment and sighed before continuing. "Inuyasha said he wasn't leaving without me, that if I didn't do something about Shippo things were going to get ugly. Souta didn't understand why I had to leave again and asked me to stay. I was going to, I was about to tell Inuyasha I couldn't go but I took too long. Souta was angry, I guess I can't blame him." Kagome had walked over to a nearby bench, knowing Hiei would follow her.

"He accused me of caring more about Shippo than him. He said that I acted like I didn't even have a family on this side of the well and if I was so happy there then don't bother coming back. I know he didn't mean it, he was just upset but it made me so mad that he would say that. So I yelled at him and left. He must have hated me after that and then he died because of me." She had angrily wiped the tears away, she didn't want him seeing her cry.

Hiei had sat down beside her and remained silent for several long moments, trying to figure out exactly what to say to her. He wasn't exactly good at making people feel better to begin with and he hadn't wanted to say the wrong thing. "Kagome,nothing can change what was said. But even though you were angry, he still knew that you loved him. I'd be willing to bet that you both regretted the things that were said, you just never had a chance to tell each other that."

Kagome smiled slightly, remembering the look on his face when she turn towards him and threw herself against his chest crying. She remembered thinking that he was going to bolt, he looked so startled. Yet he hadn't moved, merely sat there as she soaked his cloak with her tears. They hadn't spoken of that day since, but that was a turning point for them, he seemed to be a bit more open around her. Now he openly spent time with her, even if they said nothing at all. He was there, and that was what mattered.

That fact hadn't gone unnoticed by the others either, she was not subjected to cutting remarks which were so liberally bestowed upon the others when they did something stupid. Her clumsiness was overlooked unless it caused injury, then she was met with merely a raised eyebrow and instructed to sit so either he or Kurama could tend to it. It wasn't much but it raised her hopes for more of a relationship and she wasn't so sure that was a good thing. Could she say goodbye to him and never look back? Her heart clenched painfully at the thought. She really didn't want to leave him behind but could he give her a reason to stay? She sighed heavily and shivered, wincing at the sharp pains in her hands as feeling returned to them. Now that she was warming up her body was protesting at the harsh treatment she had subjected it to.

~*~

Hiei had sat down after Kagome had left to change. He no longer knew what to think about her. It was something that plagued him daily, any time he saw her. He knew why he continued to stick around. He reasoned it away, trying to say she needed him to look after her just like he did for Yukina but what he felt for the priestess was far from brotherly. Of course, he didn't want to examine those feelings too closely even though he knew what they were. Just because he knew that didn't mean he had to acknowledge them. Kurama had noticed and outright asked him if he loved her. True to his nature he had denied it, he would not admit to such a thing. Nor would he accept the teasing that was certain to come with it if either Yusuke or Kuwabara had noticed it. Ever since Kurama confronted him he had tried to distance himself even further from her but found it to be impossible. What he felt could not be erased but he had no intentions of acting on them.

"What could I possibly offer her anyway?" Hiei scowled, glaring out the window at the falling snow. Now that she was inside by all rights he should have left again, the snow was nothing to him. Yet still he remained, sitting in the living room waiting for her to reappear. "It's foolish to even consider this, she shouldn't want me. There is nothing I can give her that she does not already have." He put his feet up on the low table in front of him, uncaring of the fact that he was talking to himself. This was something he did often, trying to convince himself that he was foolish for even considering such a thing. He was gone more often than not and constantly in danger with his job. She had already lost enough, if he were to act on his desires and then fall in battle where would that leave her? She would be better off finding a normal human, someone that would be there whenever she needed them. Protection of the jewel was not an issue, Koenma was aware of it's existence and she was under constant surveillance even when they were gone, not that she knew that part but the fact remained. If something were to attack her, help would arrive within moments.

"What the hell is taking her so long?" He had expected that she would have come back down a long time ago, she rarely stayed in her room for long even when she was alone in the house. When several more minutes had passed with no sign of her he stood up and went up the stairs. She was dazed, it was entirely possible she was just sitting up there. He knocked on the door once and received no answer. He really didn't want to walk in on her if she were in the middle of changing but it wasn't as if he hadn't seen her nude before. Though that was another piece of information she didn't know, it wasn't his fault that her curtains had been open just enough for him to see inside. He tried the door and growled when he found it was locked. It only took moments for him to pick the lock, it was a small task for one such as himself. Once that was done he slowly opened the door, giving her plenty of time to say something if she weren't clothed. He was surprised to see her sitting at the window, looking out seemingly lost in thought. The only good thing was she had changed like he suggested.

Kagome turned slowly upon hearing her bedroom door shut. She smiled slightly at him before turning back to the window. He had come to her once more, it had to mean he cared, right? She wasn't imagining things, she couldn't be. She took a deep breath and prepared herself to get the answers she needed to make her decision. Whether she stayed or left would depend on him, though she wouldn't tell him that. There was no reason to pressure him and thats exactly what it would do.