InuYasha Fan Fiction / Yu Yu Hakusho Fan Fiction ❯ Silent Regrets ❯ Chapter 9

[ X - Adult: No readers under 18. Contains Graphic Adult Themes/Extreme violence. ]

Title: Silent Regrets

Author: Ryukotsusei

Disclaimer: Inuyasha and Yu Yu Hakusho belong to their respective owners. As much as I wish I could claim a part of it, I cannot. The plot however and any OC's my twisted mind happens to come up with though is mine.

Summary: IY/YYH It's strange how regret can make you think, two people take a journey to discover what's really important. Pairing: Hiei/Kagome

Author's Note: Special thanks goes to Vivian with her help about the Koorime mating ritual. A question has been raised as to if there will be a sequel. All I can say is not at this time. Special thanks to everyone who reviewed. There should only be one chapter left to go in this story. With luck I will have it written sometime tomorrow.

Lemon this chapter, it is NOT marked. If you want the edited version please go to FF.net and read it there. Thank you.

Chapter Nine

Hiei took her into the house and kicked the door closed behind them, knowing if she stayed out in the weather for too long she was going to get sick. Kagome took no notice of this other than to bury her face deeper into his cloak as his grip tightened around her in a show of possessiveness. It had been far too long since he had held her like this and if he had anything to say about it she wasn't going to leave him again. He knew they had a lot to talk about when she woke up, a lot of issues that needed to be worked through. He only hoped that she'd be willing to open up to him this time, if not things would be so much more difficult. Before that happened though she needed a good nights sleep. He was disturbed by just how exhausted she was, the dog had been right. She had been slowly killing herself with whatever she had been doing, he could sense just how depleted her energy was.

Once in her bedroom Hiei set her down on the bed and carefully covered her with a blanket before going back downstairs. He had no intentions of staying gone for very long but there was something he had to do before he could join her. Going to the front door he locked it, making sure to throw the deadbolt so they wouldn't have any unexpected interruptions. He made his way back to the living room stopping only to pick up the phone and dial Kurama's number. He knew that as soon as the others found out that she was back they would want to come by to check on her but until they had their problems worked out and she had a chance to rest he didn't want to be disturbed. The phone continued to ring much to his displeasure, it would seem that the fox was out for the night. As the answering machine picked up Hiei knew that the best he was going to get was leaving a message, one that would hopefully get passed on. The apparition didn't relish the idea of taking time that he could be spending with Kagome to throw his team mates off the property. As the recorded message came to an end he sighed heavily, this would have to be good enough. "Kurama it's me. She's back, keep the fools away until I say otherwise. I do not wish to be disturbed."

Hiei hung up the phone and made his way back up the stairs. The sound of Kagome's steady breathing told him that she had remained asleep for which he was grateful, no doubt she'd be upset to find out how her location changed, especially if he wasn't there to explain things to her. The idea of having to chase her down and stop her from going back down the well didn't necessarily appeal to him. As he passed the hall closet he stopped long enough to grab another blanket and proceeded into the bedroom, where he spread the blanket out over the sleeping girl before climbing in next to her. She seemed to know that he was there and moved closer to him. With a pleased sigh he wrapped his arms around her, his gaze never leaving her face.

Kagome slowly stirred several hours after she would have normally woken up. Her body protested any further movement, insisting that she wrap herself around the warmth that had made itself so readily available. She was surprised she hadn't been woken up already, by any means necessary as she had come to learn. Usually training began at first light every morning without exception but she wasn't about to question her good fortune this particular time, choosing instead to pull the blanket in closer around her. She sighed contentedly, rubbing her face across the warm, smooth surface her cheek rested upon. A slight frown crossed her face, her subconscious telling her that something wasn't right. She fought the sensation not wanting to rejoin the world of the living but it just wouldn't leave her alone. Slowly her eyes opened and began taking in her surroundings. Immediately she tensed realizing that somehow she had come home without having any recollection of having done so. The second startling realization she had came when the arms which had been loosely wrapped around her tightened, making sure that she couldn't leave.

Kagome swallowed hard, not wanting to look up at the one she could feel staring at her. Her thoughts were in turmoil and she doubted she could speak at the moment, beyond chanting oh my god, oh my god. Her eyes closed tightly, praying that perhaps this was all just a dream. A twisted fantasy that her subconscious had come up with because of the longing in her heart for the one who currently held her. She flinched when his voice washed over her, destroying any hopes she had of this being a dream.

"It's time we talked Kagome." Hiei had known the instant she had woken up and had been ready for her to bolt, especially when she tensed like a frightened rabbit. She was so unsure of herself, and of him. He knew it was time to put her fears to rest. With as weak as her aura was her shielding on her thoughts had become nonexistent and whether he had wanted to or not he could hear her worries being projected clearly at him, though he doubted Kagome knew that he could tell what she was thinking.

Ever so slowly she opened her eyes and looked at him, worried about what she might find there. How had she returned home? Had she somehow managed to walk here in her sleep? If so she was lucky she hadn't frozen to death somewhere along the way. That was probably what happened she reasoned, Hiei had likely found her laying on the ground and brought her inside. He had no other reason to be in bed with her, he was just keeping her warm. She looked away from him when a frown crossed his face, no doubt from being forced into her bed in an effort to keep her warm. When was she going to stop being a burden to him and everyone else?

His arms loosened slightly from around her. Hiei wanted her to look at him, to see that he meant it when he told her how he felt but as soon as he did so she began to get up, fully intending on removing herself from the bed. 'Not a chance in hell.' Not giving her the opportunity to react his arm snaked around her waist, yanking her back onto the bed where he pinned her to the mattress with his body. "You will not leave until we talk. Only then will I let you go if you insist."

Anger flared through her for the briefest of moments that he would do such a thing to her before it died just as quickly as it came. He was probably upset with how she had left if his expression was any indication. He deserved an explanation, she just hoped that he wouldn't hate her for it afterwards. She stilled beneath him, no longer struggling to get free as she looked into his eyes.

"Better. You will listen Kagome, because I refuse to repeat myself." Hiei waited a moment to be sure she wasn't going to interrupt him, it was time they resolved these issues. "First you are here because Inuyasha brought you home. He knew, just as I did that you did not belong there. Your place is here with me." He smirked at the way her eyes widened when he said that. As grateful as he was that the hanyou brought her back, he was happy that the anger she would eventually direct at Inuyasha would not extend to him.

"But.." She stopped when he narrowed his eyes at her. Clearly he was in no mood to listen to her protests, whatever they might be.

"No, there is no 'but' in this." He ran a finger down her cheek, his expression softening slightly. "I know what your heart desires. You told me as much in your note and you left it for all to see who cared to look in your small book. You cannot say that you do not want this, don't lie to yourself... or to me." He moved slightly, settling himself more comfortably so she would not bear most of his weight.

"You read my diary?" Kagome didn't know what to think of what she was hearing. He wasn't yelling at her, he wasn't telling her how stupid she was for loving him. Yet he hadn't said he returned the feelings. She wasn't sure if she should be mad at the apparition for reading her inner most thoughts. She hadn't taken the diary with her though at the time she couldn't say exactly why she had done it. Perhaps it was a need for him to understand, if he took the time to look. Either way now he knew and she waited for his judgment.

Hie could feel the apprehension rolling off of her in waves as he looked at her. So far this was going far better than he had expected, she was taking things rather well all things considered. "You worry that you are a burden, I assure you if I did not wish to be here I would not be. You cannot say I have ever treated you as such." He wiped away the tears that had began to make their way down her pale cheeks.

Kagome tried to stomp down the emotions that were raging within her but she was so tired of holding everything back. Her heart ached, knowing what he had said was true. Never had he treated her with the same disdain he graced the others with but that still didn't mean he wanted her. "What am I to you then Hiei? Please tell me, I have to know!"

He cocked his head to the side, staring into those stormy blue eyes that had haunted his dreams since before she had disappeared. An outright declaration of love was beyond him even though he knew that's what she wanted to hear, it just wasn't in him to bare his soul in such a fashion. He struggled for the right words, to tell her everything that she was to him. "You are the one I have chosen Kagome. I just did not know you felt the same. You asked me long ago if all you were was the Guardian. Believe me when I say you are not the jewel nor are you a shadow of your incarnation. You are a strong woman who lost sight of who she was, you've become family to every member of the team in some fashion or another but most importantly, you are mine."

Her breath caught in her throat as she listened to what he had to say. Had she been wrong all this time, blind to his feelings just as he hadn't known of hers? How much pain had she put him through when she had left and could he ever forgive her for what she had done? "Are you sure Hiei? Don't... don't toy with my heart. I couldn't bear it."

Hiei bent his head down, capturing her lips in a slow, gentle kiss before pulling away. "Have I ever lied to you or given you a reason to doubt my intentions?" When she shook her head he kissed her softly again, his words whispering across her lips. "Then don't doubt me now Kagome." He didn't resist when her arms wrapped around his body, pulling him closer. Instead he took the opportunity to change positions, rolling the both of them onto their sides. For the longest time he was content to just hold her, enjoying the feel of her laying next to him. He knew she was crying but he refrained from commenting, knowing it was a release of the pent up emotions she had held in check for so long.

She calmed eventually, closing her eyes as she felt his hand running through her hair. She had often dreamed of this, him holding her so tenderly. Had anyone said she would one day be in this position she would have told them they were crazy. Most people didn't believe that Hiei even had a softer side like this, it emerged so rarely but she knew better. She didn't care if it hardly ever showed so long as she knew that his feelings for her were genuine. "If this is a dream I never want to wake up. I want this to last forever."

He placed his hand underneath her chin, forcing her to look at him. "I refuse to let you go now that I have you. I want your word that you will never leave again. Give me that and I will give you forever."

Kagome brought her hand to the back of his neck pulling his face down to hers. "Do you love me Hiei? Tell me now and I'll give you what you want."

"I wouldn't have waited for you if I didn't Kagome." He waited, wondering if that would be enough of if she would force him to say it. She seemed to accept his words and didn't push him for more. Perhaps in time he would be comfortable enough to come right out and tell her that he loved her but for now it was enough.

Kagome nodded, accepting his words as the truth. "I won't run again, I will be by your side for as long as you want me."

"Forever then my mate. " Hiei wasn't about to let anything come between them again. Not the jewel, not the sadness that had plagued her for so long, not Koenma. He would fight to the death to remain with her if he had to. Should that happen he would find a way back to her, one way or another. When he said forever, he meant it.

Her heart beat faster on hearing those words, having some idea of what he meant to do. He would bind them together for all time, ensuring that they would not be separated. While she feared the pain that would come with their joining she also welcomed it, knowing once it was over she would be his. She was surprised however when he got up from the bed and disappeared out of the bedroom. This was certainly not something that she had expected out of him though she could hear him walking into the adjoining room. A couple of minutes later he returned with an ornate dagger in his hand. She raised an eyebrow when he sat on the bed beside her, unsheathing the small blade. "What is that for?

Hiei stared at her intently, his gaze never wavering. He was certain she knew of some of the mating rituals that happened between demons but the knowledge he was about to pass onto her was something that was not commonly known. "You know of my origins, being half fire apparition and half Koorime. Through my travels I learned much about my mother's people, including the ritual for binding two souls. This is what I offer you now, I'll give you forever. To do so will require an exchange, both of the blood and of the soul. Are you still willing?" He waited for her answer, knowing the fear she had of her soul being incomplete. What had happened between her and Kikyo was nothing similar to what would happen between the both of them but he had to have her consent to begin.

Kagome met his stare with determination. She wanted this as well and she wasn't about to back down though she was surprised that he was using the mating ritual of his mother's people. He had forsaken that side of him completely, save for Yukina and the tear gem he wore around his neck. She had the sneaking suspicion that this was how they managed to reproduce in an entirely female culture but questions could be asked at another time. "I am. What do I need to do?"

Hiei smiled then, a genuine smile that was so rare to see coming from him. He held out his hand, gently taking her and turning it palm up. As quickly as he could, he cut a thin line into his chest above his heart and then repeated the action with her hand. When her blood began to flow he pressed it to his cut, allowing their blood to mingle. His youki spiked violently as the bond began to take form, warning away any possible interruptions. When he had infused enough of his blood and youki into the cut he ran his tongue along the wound on her hand, healing it in a matter of moments. The dagger was laid across his lap and he began to slowly unbutton her shirt, needing to repeat the action they had just completed.

He held her gaze as he picked up the dagger once again, this time cutting his palm first before making an incision above her heart. When his palm pressed against the wound he could feel her energy flare, struggling to overcome the youki that it encountered as it made it's way into his body. Hiei didn't look away from her as the fight continued, Kagome's eyes closed tight as she tried to keep control over her energy. He trusted her, knowing she wouldn't purify him intentionally. This was a necessary step for them both, one that would render them both immune to their energy attacks. Eventually though the power struggle subsided, each side accepting what was offered. When he removed his hand, unblemished skin was all that remained for the both of them.

Kagome's eyes widened as she stared at him, watching the dark purple glow begin to surround him. She brought her hand up to touch him but stopped when she noticed her hand was glowing as well, though hers was a pale white with pink streaks lacing through it. "Hiei?" Her voice trembled with uncertainty. "What's happening?"

He moved closer, taking her hand in his own. "Relax, it is natural. We have completed the first step, the second must now commence. The sharing of souls." He relaxed slightly when she calmed, understanding beginning to fill her. His instincts were pushing to the surface, the ice side long dormant within him fighting to come to the surface. He couldn't allow it to take control yet though, not until the second step was completed. He sheathed the dagger and set it on the nightstand before laying down on the bed. Wordlessly he pulled Kagome down next to him and then settled himself comfortably between her legs. His lips found hers as he explored her mouth gently, taking his time. She was timid and rushing things would only frighten her.

'God he's a good kisser.' The thought ran through her mind and projected into his as well. Neither paid any attention to the way their souls mingled, tangling around each other. She broke away from him briefly as her soul pulsed in response to his but she was reassured by his mental voice gliding across her mind. 'Relax, let it happen.' Kagome closed her eyes groaning as he attacked her lips again, his tongue seeking hers as their souls continued to dance. With a final surge the second stage bonding was completed, all that remained was the final consummation.

No longer able to hold out against the primal instincts that were urging him to claim his mate, Hiei gave himself over. His eyes darkened with desire as he looked down at her, his breathing coming out in harsh pants. Even in his heightened state of arousal there were no worries about hurting her, he merely needed to reinforce the bond. His hands roamed her body, slowly removing her clothing. The shirt was first, having already been unbuttoned.

Kagome allowed him to pull her up as he slid the fabric off of her shoulders to fall forgotten on the bed. Her hands found his chest, encouraging him to go on as he struggled with the clasp of her bra. She knew his patience was coming to an end when she felt the low growl building in his chest. Kagome stilled him with a kiss, her hand reaching behind her to move his out of the way. With a skill that spoke of years of practice, the material fell away with a quick flick of her fingers.

Hiei growled his approval as her breasts were bared to him. He watched as she sank back down on onto the bed, arching her back with his mouth found one of the hardened peaks. His tongue burned a path from one breast to the other, causing his mate to moan beneath him. When she wrapped her legs around his waist, pulling them closer together he pulled back growling. He was the dominant partner and she would learn this. His hands found her waist, pulling her up off the bed and rolling her over onto her stomach.

Kagome stilled, surprised at his forcefulness as he held her in one place. It excited her to know that Hiei was taking the lead and she conveyed that by pushing up against him when he covered her body with his own. She could feel his arousal pressed tightly against her backside and she couldn't help teasing him slightly, grinding her hips against his. The chill of the room hit her back as he moved her hair out of his way. His lips brushed the back of her neck, causing a pleasurable shiver to race through her body.

Hiei slid his hands down to her waist, grasping the edge of her pants as he licked and nipped his way down the center of her back. The material whispered against her skin as he slid the garment down her legs, pausing every so often to taste the skin that he had uncovered. He was determined to cover every inch of her in his scent before he was finished. She gasped as he slid his fingers under the sheer fabric that hid her damp folds from his view, pushing hard against his fingers when they brushed against her hidden jewel. "You like that don't you?" A pleased hum met his question and he smirked, knowing that before long he would have her screaming his name in pleasure.

Desire began to overwhelm her as he moved his fingers faster, occasionally grinding his erection against her backside letting her know just how badly he wanted to be inside her. He suckled on her neck as he continued to rock against her, knowing that she was getting close to release. "Let it go Kagome!" Her cries of pleasure filled the room as he pushed her over the edge.

Hiei had only given her moments to recover before he and her laying on her back. One by one he worked his belts free, stopping only when her hands came up to join his in undressing him. As the material fell from his hips her hands continued roaming, tracing over each well defined muscle. Abruptly he grabbed her hand, lowing it to his aching shaft. Kagome wet her lips as he should her exactly how to touch him, drawing forth growls of pleasure. After several minutes of pleasurable torture he grasped her wrist gently, stopping her from continuing. "Enough." With his claws he made quick work of her panties, tossing them to the floor where they would find them much later.

Kagome's eyes slid closed as he touched his erection to her center, sliding it along the wet folds. "Look at me!" Hiei's voice bit out sharply, causing her eyes to fly open. "I want you to watch as I take you." As her gaze slid down to where he was touching her he began to press forward, his cock sliding into her. The pain that she had been expecting never came as he buried himself deep inside her. He paused only for a moment allowing Kagome to wrap her legs around his waist as he began to move against her. Crimson eyes burned with increasing desire as he watched her writhe against him as he thrust into her. Soft pants filled the room as he took her, his pace never faltering.

Kagome felt like she was dying, her climax quickly approaching her once again. "Hiei...." She cried out his name as her hands tangled in his hair pulling him closer. Tongues danced against each other as he took possession of her mouth again, swallowing her cries. She was close, he could tell by the way she pulsed around him and it was only by sheer will that he hadn't lost control as well. When she shuddered beneath him, her walls clamping down on his arousal he followed her, spilling his seed deep within her. His arms trembled as he continued to hold himself up, not wanting to collapse on top of her. Eventually though it became too much and he was unable to support himself any longer. Carefully he rolled to the side taking him with her, their bodies still joined.

Slowly their breathing returned to normal as they lay wrapped in each others arms. Kagome smiled at him, truly happy for the first time in over a year. Her aura wrapped around the both of them, her contentedness coming through. "I love you Hiei, my mate." She knew he couldn't say it, not yet anyway but there was no mistaking his feelings that shown in his eyes and flowed to her from their bond. He kissed her gently before tucking her head beneath his chin. They were both sated though there would be many more instances of their joining through the day as they continued strengthening their bond but for now they would sleep.

Kagome's gentle breathing calmed him as he began to slip off. His eyes flew open though when he heard someone banging on the front door, the sounds of muffled voices coming from outside. He rolled his eyes, growing in irritation when he realized that Kurama hadn't been able to keep the two fools away. When Kagome asked him what was going on, her voice that of one who was barely awake, he ran his hand through her hair once more. "Don't worry about it, I told them to stay away. Sleep, we will deal with them later."

Too tired to argue with him she merely nodded, dropping back off into slumber knowing that Hiei would take care of it if it was anything important. For now she was in his arms and that was all that mattered.