InuYasha Fan Fiction / Yu Yu Hakusho Fan Fiction ❯ With Meaning ❯ Developments ( Chapter 10 )

Kuwabara blew on his hands; the cold weather had set in. He stamped his feet as he made his way up the walkway to Kagome's house. He smiled as he heard the chatter of Shippou—the closer he got the easier it was to tell the boy was excited about being on the soccer team.

There was an exclamation about Souta-jichan before Kuwabara had the chance to knock—and the door was flung open.

Shippou blinked in surprise before a grin lit his face and he jumped into Kuwabara.

“Momma! Kazuma-san is here!”

“Well let him in!” shouted her laughing voice. Kuwabara gingerly stepped into the house, carefully not to let Shippou bump into the door jamb as he hung off his arm. He closed the door behind them and then swung Shippou upside down over his shoulder, giving the boy a vigorous noogie as Kagome made her way down the hall.

“Kazuma-kun, how are you?”

“I'm good. I actually wanted to take a look at those scrolls you mentioned.”

Kagome lit up, her smile bright and eyes twinkling as she gestured for him to come in further. “That would be wonderful, just let me get our coats and we'll nip over to the shrine.”

“Oh no! I don't want to put you out of your way!”

Kagome laughed as she tucked Shippou's scarf around his neck. “Nonsense. We'll finally get some use out of them.” She smiled up at him prettily before turning to get into her own coat—Kuwabara stepped forward to help her get her arms in.

“You don't read them?” He asked softly, oddly disappointed.

“Oh!” She laughed, “I don't need to. I know those stories like the back of my hand.” She grinned sadly, “Almost like I lived through it.”

Shippou stilled from where he was hanging onto his hand and looked up at his mother.

“Anyway,” she said briskly, “its best we get over there before it has snowed too heavily—the sidewalks haven't been shovelled in a while.”

Kuwabara nodded and stepped back into the wind. He carefully tucked his freehand into his pocket, wiggling them to warm them as they walked back out into the heavy cold of the fall.

Shippou and she chatted happily around him as they described some of the scrolls and what they contained.

They made their way to a shed off to the side of the large shrine house, the grounds sprawling and covered in fallen leaves.

The doors slid open with the heavy `shick' of cared for wood, and Kuwabara breathed deeply of dust and old paper when he stepped into the dimness of the building.

Kagome picked up a flashlight as they walked deeper among shelves. “The sociocultural norms of samurai are further back, unless you wanted rural life. I think that's…” She trailed off and looked around with narrowed eyes.

Shippou grinned and bounced up beside them. “By the Fuedal Era stuff! See I remembered!”

Kagome laughed. “Come this way then.”

Kuwabara smiled and followed.

“Here.” She said softly, gazing at the scrolls with a fond and lost look—the one he'd seen her wear before that was so striking to his senses.

“Kagome-san…?”

She cleared her throat before looking up to him. Her eyes were searching, and something in them softened and released. “Kazuma-kun, I don't want you to think I'm crazy. But I do know about demons—I've fought alongside them. Some of these scrolls have my past in them if you care to look.” She flushed, “It's how I met Shippou.” She smiled down at her child as he grabbed her hand, his big green eyes looking up at hem both carefully. “If you want to know then take some of these.”

Kuwabara swallowed. “I don't need to.” He said softly. Her eyes blinked at him. “That's your past, I won't go prying.” He affirmed stubbornly.

Kagome smiled, “I'm welcoming you to look. I know about yours, you've talked to me enough. I trust you.”

Kuwabara took in a shaky breath as he took the indicated scrolls. He swallowed hard, this was Kagome's past. He'd take his very best care of it because it had made such a sensitive and beautiful woman.

He'd told her of his past in the many times previous they'd met, months of slowly developed revelations. She'd helped him deal with the abandonment of his parents…the loss he still felt.

But she didn't know about reikai or the spirit detectives. And her open acceptance of him now made him regret not talling her. He dared to think she would have understood that as well.

She'd healed him in ways that Kurama hadn't been able to.

He didn't need her to trade information…but her doing so wasn't a trade. It was a friendship.

Kuwabara smiled and bowed to her.

She laughed and waved him off, handing Shippou the flashlight as she reached up to get some more scrolls. “These should be enough to start your research. I hope it bears fruit.”

“I'm sure it will.”

They left the shed quietly, comfortably, walking out into the cool air.

Kuwabara made a face as he tried to shift the scrolls for a better hold—to expose less of his skin. It was too cold out.

Kagome looked over just hen, and her face clouded with consternation as she took away the scrolls and ordered him to put his hands in his pockets. “Where are your gloves?”

Kuwabara shuffled on his feet as Shippou bit his lip impishly. “I kind of lost them at the park the last time I played with Shippou.”

The kit snickered. “They got caught in a briar bush and aren't no good any more.”

Kagome's face blanked before she smiled. “Well then,” she spoke briskly, as if trying to match the air around them, “We can't have you carrying these scrolls while freezing.”

She stopped in the stoop of her house, ushering Shippou in before she reached up into the hall closet and turned back around to face Kuwabara, him awkwardly shifting in the doorway.

“Here.” Kagome said firmly, thrusting a nice pair of dark leather gloves at him.

Kuwabara stuttered and tried to object, but Kagome sniffed and started putting the gloves on his hands before he could make his way out the door.

Instead he settled and watched her.

“There,” she smiled contently, “now you don't have to freeze. We can't have you losing any fingers.”

“Thank you.” He said softly, rather choked.

Kagome blinked and looked up at him with her large eyes, carefully looking into his own dull brown orbs before she smiled softly and shook her head in exasperation. She leaned up on her tiptoes, her hands firmly in his scarf, and kissed his cheek. “Kazuma-kun, you're a wonderful young man who deserves whatever I can give you.” Her eyes glittered and Kuwabara nodded.

She nodded and handed him the remaining scrolls that hadn't fit into his jacket pockets, her smile warming to his soul as he walked down her sidewalk.

He swallowed and tightened his scarf as he stepped out into the snowy streets, his eyes narrowed against the wind as he ducked his head. There was something about Kagome that was so entirely lovable he couldn't help himself.

He guessed he had never learned his lesson.

It was best not to want what you couldn't have.

But Kagome made it so easy, she was always giving and welcoming and laughing…

Kuwabara scowled. He was always taking: he took her scrolls, the damning evidence in his coat pocket; he took her hospitality, her warm meals and awesome tea; he took her time from her son; and he took her gifts. What did he ever give her? He hadn't even given her the full story of his past, and his soul cried out at the injustice he could see in it now.

He swallowed heavily and set to trudging home through the weather, the whole walk a reminder of his warm hands because one woman cared too darn much for someone not worth that much.

……………………… ; ;…………

Kuwabara pressed his mouth to the back of his hand as he thought; a furrow in his brow as he grimaced and clenched his teeth and tried not to do all of that. But the thinking wouldn't stop, and his sensitivity grew with his darker thoughts and thus his clenched teeth and tight brow and everything conspiring against him—even his own body.

Kuwabara felt his breath enter his lungs with the pain of pins and needles, his very blood hurting him as his thoughts spiralled darker and deeper. He watched Kagome smile and laugh as she lifted Shippou into the air and spun him around.

He swallowed and turned away.

If Yukina, sweet and naively accepting Yukina, couldn't accept him for his humanity and his faults- then how could someone as beautiful and lively as Kagome ever put up with him enough to love him? He had been in a steady relationship with the koorime, and it had all fallen apart despite his confidence in the red ribbons of fate. He had known they were meant for each other…but the koorime hadn't. Yukina had broken it off and broken his heart—Kuwabara remembered the slump he had been in, his grades slipping and his muscles weak as he practically gave up on everything.

And then Kurama had been there for him, the fox had pushed aside his busy schedule and literally dragged Kuwabara out and about until he'd been able to knock some sense into his brain.

Kuwabara had always been a little slow—he liked to think it meant he thought more thoroughly and deeply about everything. But that one time, he'd been thinking too much.

His fallout with Yukina had put him in a delicate position amongst his old teammates. Hiei was at once pleased and annoyed with him, and Yusuke scratched his head and shrugged his shoulders (in his experience with Keiko these things blew over quickly and their relationship recovered).

But Kuwabara had needed something different.

And Kurama had realized that, despite Kuwabara's reputation, the man could think, and at the moment he needed not to.

The usually stoic and upright boy had roughhoused and took him to the arcade, employed some fox like trickery on a group of whiny brats that had been bugging some schoolgirls, goaded Kuwabara into a game fest at the arcade, and even suffered through a rock concert (in the back row, due to his sensitive hearing) just to remind Kuwabara that there was more he had to live for.

Kurama and he understood each other.

Kuwabara swallowed and tilted his head back, his face pained. Kagome would do well with Kurama, and the fox was interested in her—he understood her son as a kitsune and could provide for her and make her happy.

Kuwabara was still finding his place in the world.

And it probably wouldn't have worked out anyway.

He snatched a handful of holiday treats, making sure to grab a little of those salted nuts he loved, and carefully watched Kagome as she walked into the room with a tray of tea.

Kurama smiled and took it from her so she could grab up the empty bowls from previous snacks. Kuwabara watched this with heavy eyes, catching a smile from Kagome as she beamed at them for celebrating the New Year with her.

He shook his head and couldn't resist smiling back sloppily. As much as it hurt…Kurama would take care of her. They'd been friends so long…actually, been friends with Kagome for so long that he'd take care of her no questions asked.

And they might even love each other already, anyway.

It wasn't that hard to love Kagome, and Kurama always had the girls fawning over him.

Kuwabara nodded, waiting for the count down—he would pull away come the day. It was only fair. He shouldn't be around to put a damper on the little family that would develop.

He watched the two of his friends regard him quietly, worriedly, as they manoeuvred about the small living room. Their souls were not meshing like they used to, and Kuwabara damned himself for interfering in so beautiful a thing with his own melancholy. It only served to firm his suspicions—he was in the way.

So Kuwabara forced on a smile—something so hard to do now that Kagome had gotten to him so readily—and munched on his snacks. Shippou was slowly winding down from his candy high…and the night would be over soon.

He wouldn't have to face his temptation any longer.

 

 

X_X_X_X_X_X_X_X_X_X_X_AN_X_X_X_X_X_X_X_X_X_X_X_X

Well, I did have writers block, but this all just came out. It must be because I am supposed to be studying for midterms. Go figure.

Anyway, I apologize for the wait; hopefully the next chapter will come together faster. (And cross your fingers for the rebirth of fichaven *hopeful puppy eyes*!)

Edited Sunday, February 17, 2008.