InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ 101 Ways to Kill Jaken ❯ 101 Ways to Kill Jaken ( Chapter 1 )

101 Ways to Kill Jaken

Hi, this is E.K. and the other 6 dream sisters, and today, with the help of our 3 cousins, the cast of Inu Yasha, and fans of the series, we will be experimenting with ways to kill Jaken.

Kagome (evil grin)- sounds like fun!

Jaken- Noooooooooooooooo! Please don't let them kill me Lord Sesshoumaru!

Sesshoumaru (ignores Jaken and replies to Kagome)- It is fun. I enjoy it every time.

The rest of the group sweat drops.

E.K.- Anyhoo, here is 101 ways to kill Jaken! Enjoy, and please review!

 

We don't own Inu Yasha, we wish we did though, because then we'd be richer than Croesus.

Inu Yasha (won the fight to see who went first)- lets do this

1). Kills Jaken using the Wind Scar technique

2). Pokes him repeatedly with the unchanged Tetsuseiga until he bleeds to death

3). Uses him to practice his Iron Reaver soul stealer to keep in shape

4). Has Kagome use her sit technique on him while holding Jaken under him as a cushion

5). Slices off Jaken's head, and uses his body for meat in the Ramen (E.K.- Ew, toad flavored Ramen)

6). Has him run, then uses his Blades of blood on Jaken

7). Drops the Tetsuseiga, then rips Jaken to shreds. (Everyone else ran away.)

Kagome- Yay, it's my turn! I'm really going to enjoy this! (She still has her evil grin)

8). Uses him for target practice after painting a bright red bulls-eye on him

9). Feeds him some of her worst cooked food (he dies of food poisoning)

10). Purifies him

11). Beats him to death with the Staff of Two Heads

12). Puts a subjugation necklace on him, then pummels him to the Earths core

13). Stabs him then fills him with cotton and gives him to Rin as a “stuffed animal”

14). Flashes Jaken (he stabs out his own eyes then gets eaten by a bear)

Rin- Master Jaken!!!

15). Forces him to eat poisonous berries

16). Makes him wear a flower wreath on his head (he gets beat to death by all the other demons in the room)

17). Buries him on the beach up to his neck, then waits for high tide

18). Trips him, then he rolls down the hill into a witches cauldron

19). Kills him, cuts up his body then goes fishing with his remains

20). Dresses him up as Miroku (he gets pummeled to death by all the women)

21). Hangs him upside down then pours blood on him (he's eaten by several lesser demons)

Sesshoumaru- My favorite past time

22). Builds his castle on top of Jaken while he's still alive

23). Uses the Dragon strike on Jaken when he loses sight of Rin

24). Tows him behind the boat they are using

25). Dissolves Jaken with his claws

26). Drops Jaken from his demon cloud from over 2 miles up

27). Slices him into bite sized pieces then gives them to Inu Yasha as a peace offering

28). Hits him with the Tokijin to kill him, then uses the Tenseiga to revive him, then repeats the process

Sango- How the hell is he still alive? (Sees Sesshoumaru waving the Tenseiga in the air) Oh.

29). Hits repeatedly with the Hiraikotsu until he's dead

30). Drowns him in a hot spring

31). Feeds him to Kilala who gets sick from food poisoning

32). Binds him up in a tatami mat to use as lesser demon bait (said demon eats the mat whole)

Miroku- I still feel I owe you a great deal of punishment, stupid toad

33). Stakes him with his staff, then uses him as a scarecrow for some pretty farm girls

34). Pummels him to death

35). Puts up spikes behind himself then uses the wind tunnel on Jaken he then covers it (Jaken is impaled)

36). Dresses him as a girl then forces himself to grope him (Sango kills them both on an open fire)

37). Catches him looking at Sango, so he jumps on him until his head is the only thing above ground, then dances on his head and occasionally stabs him with the Staff of Two Heads

Shippo- He's looking a little lumpy now

38). Uses his fox fire magic to burn him alive

39). Forces him to eat mushrooms until he explodes

40). Changes shape to look like Sesshoumaru, then chases him until he dies of fright and exhaustion

41). Changes into the giant balloon form, then bites Jaken's head off

42). Changes into a pair of giant cymbals and squishes him

Naraku- Heh. How amusing.

43). Jumps on him in his baboon suit for a couple hours until he dies

44). Uses his miasma on Jaken

45). Changes into a giant spider and eats him

46). Grows spikes from his body and impales Jaken, then absorbs him into his body

47). Sends multitudes of demons out of his body to rip Jaken to shreds

Kagura- Great, I hear that frog legs are a delicacy. (licks her lips)

48). Uses Dance of the dragon on him

49). Uses Dance of blades on him then reanimates his corpse with Dance of the dead to amuse Naraku (and possibly steal her heart back from him)

50). Flies up in her feather with him, then when he's not looking pushes him off

51). Sucks him up in a tornado, then forces him to the center where he suffocates to death

52). Slices him up with her Dance of blades then uses his blood to keep her eyes dyed red

Koga- This one is for you, my Kagome! (muffled shouting from Inu Yasha as the authoress and her cousin Dracoy “detain” him)

53). Uses him as a football against a mountain

54). Runs over him numerous times because he was in his way while trying to visit Kagome

55). Kills Jaken then feeds Ginta and Hakkaku his “Green Surprise” soup

56). Dresses Jaken up as Inu Yasha, then beats him up for every time Inu Yasha pissed him off

57). Finds out that in Kagome's time some reptile skins are quite valuable, so he skins Jaken alive, then brings the still bloody skin to Kagome, only to find that it's crocodile skin that's valuable, not toad skins

Kikyo- Die, Inu Yasha! (E.K.- this is 101 ways to kill Jaken, not Inu Yasha!) Sorry. Die, ugly toad!

58). Uses him as a pin cushion, and her arrows are the pins

59). Has her soul stealers steal his soul, then never uses it

60). Shoots him in the head just because he's alive and she's not

61). Has her soul stealers drop him from a high altitude into a pit of spikes

62). Drags him to hell with her instead of Inu Yasha

Kaede- Hm. This demon is weak. Not much to bother with.

63). Purifies all but a small amount off Jaken, then uses that small amount of skin to make herself a new eye patch

Grandpa- Evil demon, begone!

64). Uses one of his seals, and this time it actually works

Yura- Oh, don't worry, my pet. Your hair will be safe with me!

65). Kills Jaken to try to harvest his hair, then finds out that he doesn't have any so she stabs his already dead corpse repeatedly in her rage

Ah Un- grunts in Sesshoumaru's direction (Sesshoumaru- He say that it's about time I let him kill the stupid toad.)

66). Stomps Jaken beneath his feet, crushing every one of his bones

Sota- Wow, a new toy! Thanks sis!

67). Dries dead Jaken, then inflates him to use as a soccer ball

Menomaru- How dull.

68). Feeds to his horde of demons

Kaguya- This should prove to be most entertaining.

69). Hypnotizes Jaken, then feeds him to her “new pet,” the transformed Inu Yasha

Sounga- I'll send you to Hell! (Insert maniacal laughter here.)

70). Throws him into the underworld where he is ripped apart by thousands of zombies

The Four War Gods

71). Uses him as an experiment to try and get their powers back by throwing him in the cauldron. It doesn't work.

Totosai- Where am I right now, and who are you people? (Entire cast beats him up, then forces him to do his worst to kill Jaken)

72). Accidentally drops his ox on Jaken, then upon seeing who it was crushes skull with his hammer to ensure his death

73). Melts him in a pool of lava

74). Knocks him out, then uses his “live remains” for several swords

Ayame- Koga, I do this for you!

75). Cuts off Jaken's head with her leaves, then gives it to Koga as a gift

The monkey demons- Yahoo! Acorns!

76). Tie him up, bury him, then they forget where he is

Kyokotsu- Did I just step on a cricket?

77). Crushes him underfoot of his way to fight Koga

Mukotsu- Feel the pain of my deadly poison!

78). Accidentally poisons him when he gets too close to Inu Yasha's group

Ginkotsu- Gggaaahhh. Ddddiieee!

79). Blows him to smithereens with his body cannons

Renkotsu- Why should I waste my time with this? (Naraku- I could give you more Jewel shards) Okay.

80). Burps in Jaken's direction, who is promptly incinerated

Suikotsu- Wretched fool. You will die by my claws!

81). Brutally mauls him with his claws just after he changes from good to bad

Jakotsu- Ooooohhhh! How cute!

82). Mistakes Jaken for a cute guy from behind, then splits him in two for “tricking him”

Bankotsu- Come die by my blade you wretched creature!

83). Uses the flat side of Banryu to drive Jaken into the ground, then decapitates him

Dracoy- No dragons. How boring.

84). Uses his Ryuken blade to slice Jaken into sashimi then walks away. (E.K.- Hey, get back here!)

Max- Can't I do more than one thing, please?!? (Everyone on the cast- NO!!)

85). Sends him to the Sgt. Frog convention that Koneko and Kat went to, then watches as all the fans tear him apart for his “horrible costume.”

Gus- (holds his hands out in apology) I'm sorry, but I'm against killing for any… (E.K.- He threatened to drink all of your tea) In that case…

86). Boils Jakes in water to see if he makes a good flavor of tea. He doesn't.

E.K.- As the author, I get to go first for the seven of us!

87). Puts Jaken in a yaoi fiction featuring himself and Naraku. He later commits suicide.

88). Uses her computers black “information ropes” to make a wonderfully effective noose for the toad

Kat- Cool, I get to kill something! (Cast sweatdrops.)

89). Uses her baka hammer to beat Jaken to a bloody mess

90). Slices his throat with her claws

Koneko- I've been looking forward to this for quite some time you foolish toad!

91). Changes into Sesshoumaru and glares at Jaken until his nervousness causes him to burst into flame

92). Sprouts wings from her back, carries him into the air until she sees a lake, drops him in from 300 feet up, starts flying away, then remembers that toads can swim so she draws her kodachi and slices him to fish food when he reaches land

DAC- Yay, I get to do more than Max. (Sticks her tongue out at him, then runs away from him)

93). Body slams him from a couple miles up wearing body armor

94). Uses her magic to make him think he's a little girl, and when several lesser demons see him wearing a skirt and wig dancing in the field they kill him to spare him the embarrassment

Endracan- How delightful!

95). Leads a pack of angry villagers to tear him apart, then when he tries to burn them steals the staff

96). Uses her telepathy to force him to go crazy and kill himself

Wispy- Killing is wrong! It goes against my religion! (The entire cast shouts “What religion!”) Oh, right.

97). Squishes him between the pages of one of the largest religious books she has

98). Blinds him, then wraps him up in fish to feed to some of the cats in the neighborhood

Sam- If I do this will all of you stop trying to hook me up with Koga! (E.K.- fine!) So no more trying to hook me up with ANYONE? (Kat- forget that!) Oh well. Worth a try.

99). Stumbles over her own feet while trying to carry several razor sharp discs, which all embed themselves in Jaken, who bleeds out when she pulls them out of him

100). Hears that killing a single toad demon will give corporeal bodies to long dead souls, so she forces him to commit seppuku, then takes his ashes to Kagome's shrine, only to find out that it doesn't really work

Entire Cast- Yahoo! It's done! Yay!

101). The cast throws him to a pack of Sesshoumaru crazed fans, who draw and quarter him, then each takes a piece of him home with her as a “trophy.”

 

E.K.- Thank you all for reading this story. We've been planning to write this for quite a while, but working around everyone's schedules is kind of a hassle. Anyways hope you all enjoyed it, and if you have more ideas for “How to kill Jaken,” we might try for another chapter, however if we don't get enough reviewers giving us fresh ideas (and yes, we will give you credit for it if you do send us something.) then we might not do it.

 

Inu Yasha- Get that people? Give the psycho ladies and their weirdo cousins more ideas on how we can kill the stupid toad or else! ( knuckles crack, then Inu Yasha turns around to see a towering evil aura surrounding the sisters, Kagome, Dracoy and Max)

 

Rest of Cast- (sweatdrop) Thanks and please review!( Turn to watch as Inu Yasha gets beaten to a pulp)

Miroku- Hey, could someone pass the popcorn?