InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ A Dream's Hope ❯ Chapter 1

[ A - All Readers ]

By: Arella

A Dream's Hope

Numb.

Everything was numb.

Why wasn't she crying? That was the appropriate action in situations such as these, wasn't it? Shouldn't her eyes be overflowing with sorrow and regret for what could have been, but ultimately wasn't? Shouldn't she still be fighting with herself over her decision? It was rather hasty after all.

Hasty?

No-if anything, this was long overdue. She should have done this years ago. All the nights spent wondering when he was going to come home; all the missed anniversaries, birthdays; all the broken promises; the indifference that she lived with everyday.

Yes, she most definitely should have done this sooner. So, why hadn't she?

A tiny sob threatened to escape her throat, but she forcefully pushed it back. She'd wasted enough tears on him as it was. Her heart throbbed painfully in remembrance.

She stayed with him because she loved him.

He was her world, her everything. She'd been devoted to him and all she'd asked in return was that he love her. That's all she'd ever wanted; him to love her.

But, he didn't.

It had become blatantly obvious over the years that he barely even tolerated her presence. Why did he marry her, then, if he hated her so much? What had she ever done to deserve such reservation from him?

So many questions unanswered and the numbness was beginning to seep away. Giving a small, strangled cry, she grabbed the vase on the bedside table and hurled it at the window. The crash echoed throughout the large, empty house as she slid to the floor in anguish.

Shattered

Like a windowpane...

She knew she wasn't perfect, that she'd made her share of mistakes in the marriage. Was she so awful, so horrible that she couldn't be loved? Why did he look at her with such bitter coldness?

It hurt, it hurt terribly.

She used to wait up for him to come home for work. Because he owned his company, he was very busy and never knew what time he'd be home. She'd always have dinner ready for him, though. Even if he came in as the sun was rising, she would always have something for him prepared. After a while, and many meals spent with her one sided chatter, she began to feel as though he disliked her waiting up for him.

So, she stopped and simply put his food in the refrigerator with a note on the table telling him what it was. That seemed to work better. Of course, that meant that she was seeing him less-almost not at all. Wanting to spend some time with him, she began getting up at the crack of dawn with him and fixing his breakfast. She still did that.

And he still sat there in his favorite chair, sipping his tea and reading his newspaper. She might as well be in Russia for all he paid attention to her. Talking was out of the question-he merely gave annoyed glances and grunts to her questions. Picking up on his mood, she would simply prepare him breakfast and take a seat across from him, eating in silence. She didn't even comment on the fact that he never ate what she cooked him-only drank his tea. She had been determined to get him to eat something one day-if she could only find something that would spark his interest. Now, she realized that it was pointless.

Crawling across the floor, she stared at the glass fragments. He would be upset at this mess. Shaking her head, she gathered up the pieces and dumped them in the trash. Giving a small smile to the glass, she turned away; she knew how it felt to be useful and then thrown away. Yes, she knew the feeling very well.

Broken by a storm

Each tiny piece of me lies alone

She'd had so many hopes and dreams of her life with him. So many things she saw her future as being, but she'd long since accepted that dreams and hopes were for someone else. Perhaps, after this, he would be happy. He would finally be free of her.

And scattered

Far beyond repair

All my shiny dreams

Just lying there

He'd broken her. She loved him every way she knew how-with everything she'd had. He just couldn't love her. More tears ran down her face as she unzipped her suitcase and opened her top drawer. She wouldn't stay here and make him resent her even more than he already did. No, she would go home. Back to the one place she'd always felt loved.

Her mother and grandfather wouldn't mind. How long would she feel this way? How long would her heart feel jagged and torn-worn threadbare for too long?

I'm broken but I'm laughing

It's the sound of falling glass

I hope that you won't mind if I should cry in public

While I wait for this to pass

Maybe, just maybe, she could have gone on with this farce, with her false hope. Taking a shuddering breath, she shook her head. She probably could have, would have, if today hadn't happened. She clenched her eyes tight as, in remembering, what was left of her heart turned to dust.

He'd escorted her to one of his business banquets. She'd been delighted to go, to spend time with him while he did something he loved. While they were there, he disappeared to talk to some clients, leaving her alone at the table. One of her old guy friends was there and came over to say hi. She hadn't seen him since college, and happily asked him to sit with her. He'd kept her company and had had her laughing at some of the stories he was telling. After a while, he said that he had to be going and gave her a friendly hug. Before she'd even drawn away, her husband had taken her arm and pulled her into the hall.

Flashback

“What do you think you're doing?” he growled at her once the doors to the banquet had shut behind them.

Her eyes widened at his tone. “I-I was just talking. We went to college together and he just came over to say hi.”

“I could hear you all the way across the room,” he stated in a low, angry voice. “I didn't bring you with me so you could make a scene and embarrass me and yourself.”

His words drew her up short. When she processed what he'd said, she knew it was over. She couldn't take it anymore.

“Is that all I am to you? An embarrassment?” She said with her bangs covering her eyes. There was no way she would let him see how angry she was. Or how much he'd hurt her.

“At this moment?” he answered sarcastically.

Without another word, she spun on her heel and strode out the door. He didn't come after her.

End Flashback

With shaking hands, she folded her clothes and put them in the large suitcase. It had only been an hour-he would still be at his banquet. She had time.

Things had gotten so estranged that she wondered what had possessed them to get married in the first place. Oh, of course...she loved him. `Love conquers all'-what a load of bullshit. Love takes your heart and rips it to pieces before pissing on it. Love was for idealists and dreamers-hopers, wishers, story makers. All the things she used to be.

He was so wonderful, in his own way. Everything he touched, just came alive with glamour. There was so much good in him, so many wonderful things he'd done. He could charm the pants off of a particularly difficult client just by giving them a small smile.

So, why couldn't he smile for her?

Cause sweet darling I'm shattered

Into fragments cold and gray

Sweep the pieces all away

Then no one will ever know how much it mattered

Something deep inside of me

Shattered

It didn't matter anymore, anyways, she thought to herself as she zipped her suitcase. He would come home late and she would be gone. This chapter of her life she would shut tightly and forget about. What else could she do? Ten years of marriage, of loving him and only wanting to be happy with him had gotten her nothing. She would move on.

She just hadn't figured out how, yet.

The front door slammed, making her head whip around as she bent to retrieve her shoes. He was either home early, or one of the neighborhood kids had snuck in to hide in the kitchen again. That thought was dismissed when she heard the footsteps coming up the stairs. That was no child.

Stoically ignoring him, she loosened her shoestrings and shoved one foot in just as he opened the door to their room.

“Kagome?” he asked quietly after a moment.

Not looking at him, she tied her shoestrings and slipped the other shoe on. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw him glance at the suitcase and then the shattered window before focusing on her again. Grabbing her smaller toiletries suitcase, Kagome walked silently to the bathroom and began tossing her things into it.

“I'm leaving, Sesshoumaru. If you could please send the rest of my things to the shrine, I'd appreciate it. I'll have my lawyer get the papers to yours tomorrow. You keep everything except my things. The house, the companies, the cars-I don't want any of it.”

With a flourish, she closed her suitcase and walked back to her other one, picking it up. Sesshoumaru hadn't moved from the doorway. When she looked up, he was staring at her intensely.

“You want a divorce? Over what happened tonight?”

Kagome flinched and looked away. That just proved that he really didn't care about her. When you cared about someone, didn't you notice when they were miserable?

“It was tonight, Sesshoumaru, and every night before it.”

That said, she squeezed by his large frame and began making her way down the stairs. She had to let him go, but some small part of her...

...some part of her that still knew how to hope...

...knew how to dream...

...prayed he'd call her back.

Sesshoumaru's eyes widened as he opened his bedroom door. Kagome, his wife of ten years, was packing her things to leave him. She didn't even look up when he came in.

“Kagome?” He asked her, hoping it was anything but what he was thinking.

She didn't look at him or answer as she drifted into the bathroom, packing her toiletries.

“I'm leaving, Sesshoumaru. If you could please send the rest of my things to the shrine, I'd appreciate it. I'll have my lawyer get the papers to yours tomorrow. You keep everything accept my things. The house, the companies, the cars-I don't want any of it,” she said from the bathroom.

No, this was not happening. His mind raced frantically trying to find some way to fix things. She was leaving him-asking him for a divorce. Why? What had he done? His eyes searched her blue eyes for some sign of a joke. Something that told him she wouldn't really do this. What he saw there, however, made him nearly flinch. Kagome's beautiful eyes were dull and lifeless-completely opposite of her normal vibrancy and sparkle.

“You want a divorce?” he asked, afraid of the answer. “Over what happened tonight?”

Was that what this was all about? Was she angry about the banquet? What brought this on? She always seemed to be happy whenever he was around. Her smile was the one thing constant in his dull life. What had he done?

She paused in her trek down the hall and slightly turned her face back to him, though she still didn't look at him.

“It was tonight, Sesshoumaru, and every night before it,” she said in a dull voice.

She was walking again, walking away from him just as she had at the banquet. This time, however, Sesshoumaru knew that she would not be coming back. Before he knew what he was doing, the stoic man had grabbed his wife's wrist and halted her.

“Kagome?” He asked again, seemingly unable to get past her name.

She looked so defeated as she raised her head to meet his eyes. “What, Sesshoumaru? What could you possibly have to say to me?”

He didn't know, but he would be damned if he let her walk out of his life like this. “Why? Why are you doing this?”

“If you have to ask me, Sesshoumaru, then you've been living as big a lie as I have. Please let me go,” she whispered the last part.

Anger and hurt warred within him as he took her suitcases away from her and tossed them back into the bedroom. She gave a strangled protest and went after them. Sesshoumaru slipped into the room and shut the door, blocking her escape.

“If you're going to leave me, I think I at least deserve to know why,” he growled. Seeing her anguished expression, he softened his tone. “I thought you were happy, Kagome.”

Her impossibly blue eyes snapped to his as she gave a short, bitter laugh. “I tried, Sesshoumaru. I tried so very hard to make this marriage work. I refuse to stay here, though, and be resented for something I don't even know I did. You're never here, you don't call me or talk to me. I haven't slept in this room in a month and you haven't even noticed. What did I do to make you hate me so much?”

Tears were running down her face as she pleaded with him. Was this really how she felt? Had he been so completely inadequate in their marriage that he hadn't even noticed that his wife was sleeping in another room?

Wracking his brain, he realized that the last month, he had noticed that she wasn't there when he came home. However, he had been working irregular hours and had chalked it up to her doing the same. When had she become so miserable?

Kagome sighed as the fight seemed to go out of her. “After that first year of marriage, you disappeared, Sesshou. I didn't know what to do. The company was just getting started and you were so stressed that I didn't bring it up. I did the only thing I could think of-I stayed out of your way and supported you. Then the company was stable and making money and you still were gone. When was the last time you took a day off just to be with me? Do you even know what I do all day? You never ask me about anything. You never talk to me about anything at all. I don't know what I did to make you hate me so much, but I'm sorry for whatever it was.”

She took a deep breath and began again before he could speak. “I tried everything I could think of to bring you back to me, but you left me a long time ago. I can't take it any more. Maybe this way you'll be happy.”

Sesshoumaru was stunned. He had no idea this was what she was feeling. He just automatically assumed that she knew how he felt because she never failed to give him what he needed. Just her being there for him made him happy. He had been overjoyed when she had started getting up with him and making him breakfast. She chatted with him as he listened, not really paying attention to the paper he was holding. She always had something interesting to tell him. He had been disappointed that she stopped waiting up for him, but couldn't really blame her; even he didn't know what time he'd be home from one night to the next.

“Is that what you think?” he asked emotionlessly.

“You don't listen to me when I talk, you don't even acknowledge my existence. What am I supposed to think, Sesshoumaru?” she said, rubbing her eyes.

Maybe I didn't treat you, quite as good as I should have.

Maybe I didn't love you, quite as often as I could have.

Little things I should have said and done,

I just never took the time...

Sesshoumaru looked away and found himself staring at the shattered window. Kagome had never been the violent type, so the broken glass was testament alone to how much she was hurting. He never meant to hurt her. Everything he worked for was for her. His companies, the house, the cars-everything was for her. However, he realized that she had needed to hear him tell her this every now and then. Why hadn't he? Ten years of marriage and he felt like they were strangers. When they'd been dating, they had been able to tell each other everything. She was his best friend just as he was hers.

So what had gone wrong?

You were always on my mind,

You were always on my mind.

Golden eyes slid back to the figure hunched on the bed, holding herself. Kagome rarely ever cried and he hated it when she did. He'd do anything to make her smile again, so how could she think that he hated her?

“Kagome,” he said quietly, coming to kneel in front of her, “I could never hate you. Why didn't you tell me this sooner?”

She sobbed and looked away. “You wouldn't have listened, Sesshou. You would have said that we'd talk about it later and then forget about it. Just, I'm not cut out to be a trophy wife. Don't try to make me be one.”

Maybe I didn't hold you, all those lonely, lonely times.

And I guess I never told you, I'm so happy that you're mine.

If I make you feel second best, girl, I'm sorry I was blind.

You were always on my mind,

You were always on my mind.

There had been many times when he'd known that she'd needed something that he wasn't giving her, but he'd never known what it was. Instances that all she'd wanted was him to hold her, but he'd had something going on that warranted his attention. He'd never, ever meant to make her feel second best. She was what he lived for.

“I don't want a trophy wife, Kagome. I want you,” he whispered to her. “Have I lost you?”

More tears spilled out of her eyes as she looked down, biting her lower lip in that cute way she still had.

Tell me, tell me that your sweet love hasn't died.

Give me, give me one more chance to keep you satisfied.

“Why were you so angry with me tonight?” she asked, ignoring his question.

Rubbing his eyes, Sesshoumaru sighed. “You looked so happy talking to that guy. It's just been a long time since I'd seen you that happy. You used to look at me like that.”

Reaching out, Kagome cupped his cheek in her hand. “I still look at you like that, Sesshou. He was just an old friend, but what you said hurt. You've never said something like that to me.”

Taking her smaller hand in his own, he kissed her palm. “I know, and I'm sorry, Kagome. Tell me you aren't really leaving,” he said evenly, though his eyes were pleading with her. “Tell me that I haven't lost your love.”

A strangled sob escaped her throat as she threw her arms around his neck. “I've loved you since that first day in the coffee shop, Sesshou. But you don't love me any more. I wonder if you ever did, really.”

Sesshoumaru growled and crushed her body to him in a desperate embrace. “Kagome, I've always loved you. Nothing can change that. I still love you, I'm in love with you. Everything I've ever done, I've done with you in mind. You are my everything, Kagome,” he said in an almost broken voice.

Kagome held him tighter and wept into his chest. “Say it again, saiai,” she said between hiccups.

Smiling, his kissed her temple. “I love you, koishii. Please tell me you'll stay. I can't lose you.”

There was so much they would still have to work out, but he had given her something she hadn't had in a long while. He had given her hope. If she stayed now, she would never leave. Even if things went on as they had been, she knew that she would stay by his side. Looking into his eyes, however, she realized that things wouldn't go back to the way they were. He would make sure of that.

“Sometimes a woman leaves to see if her man will follow,” Kagome whispered. “I just needed you to need me.”

“I need you, koishii, Kami-sama, I need you.”

Kagome grinned and nodded. “I'll stay, love.”

Smiling a smile Kagome hadn't seen since their courting days, Sesshoumaru claimed her lips in a kiss that left her with no doubt how much he loved her.

She slept in their room that night.

You were always on my mind,

You were always on my mind...

Inuyasha stared at the phone incredulously. “You're what?” he asked his brother.

“I'm taking the week off, Inuyasha. I don't want any disturbances, either. I don't care if the company goes bankrupt, I am not to be bothered.”

Inuyasha's violet eyes were as big as saucers. Sesshoumaru had never taken a day off since the company's opening, much less a whole week. What was going on?

“I'm leaving you in charge, Inuyasha,” Sesshoumaru's voice continued. “I expect everything to be as I left it when I come back.”

The younger Taisho brother gulped. “Okay, Sess, I hope you know what you're doing. Is anything the matter?”

There was a thump and some feminine giggling on Sesshoumaru's end. Inuyasha's eyes widened even more when he heard some clothes rustling.

“You little minx,” Inuyasha heard Sesshoumaru's muffled voice say.

More giggling and a rather loud moan. Heat rushed to Inuyasha's face as he tried not to think of what was making those noises. After a few minutes in which Inuyasha debated with himself over whether or not he should hang up, the phone was picked up again.

“Inuyasha?” Kagome said cheerily.

Swallowing hard, Inuyasha nodded before realizing she couldn't see it and answered verbally. “Yo, what's going on?”

She laughed happily as Inuyasha heard something that sounded like a smack. “Stop that!” Remembering Inuyasha, she said, “Sesshou's taking me on a second honeymoon. We'll see you in a week, okay? Say hi to everyone for me. Bye!”

There was a click and the connection was broken. Inuyasha hung up the phone in a daze. Glancing up, he saw Miroku and Sango looking at him from his office door.

“What happened?” Sango asked curiously. Inuyasha's face was priceless.

“Sesshoumaru's taking the week off to take Kagome on a second honeymoon.”

After a few moments in which this unheard of event sank in, Miroku and Sango grinned at each other.

“Looks like they'll be all right after all,” Miroku said.

Inuyasha nodded, now smiling as well. “Yeah, I'm glad. It's about time.”

Miroku grinned lecherously. “Maybe now, he'll get a life. Now that their problems are worked out, perhaps he'll be in a better mood. No sex will make anyone irritable.”

Sango smacked him in the head as Inuyasha flushed crimson.

“I've heard all I want to of what goes on behind his closed doors, Miroku. Now shut up and get back to work. I've got a company to run.”

Sango and Miroku smiled at him and returned to their offices. Inuyasha grinned and leaned back in his chair. Sesshoumaru said no disturbances...hmm...maybe just one or two.

And they lived happily ever after...