InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ A First Time For Everything ❯ "Hear Me" ( Chapter 20 )
[ X - Adult: No readers under 18. Contains Graphic Adult Themes/Extreme violence. ]
By: MIztikal_Dragon 
Anime/Manga: InuYasha Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Romance / Hentai / Angst | Type: Alternate Universe | Uploaded On: 12.17.2010 | Pages: 3 | Words: 3.2K | Visits: 289 | Status: Work In Progress
Anime/Manga: InuYasha Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Romance / Hentai / Angst | Type: Alternate Universe | Uploaded On: 12.17.2010 | Pages: 3 | Words: 3.2K | Visits: 289 | Status: Work In Progress
DISCLAIMER: Don't own nothing here, just the pleasure of knowing I can write things down that appeal to me.
This story is thanks to the Muse CD, 'Absolution' that I listen to while driving to the post office everyday... I got my inspiration from them and the canal I see while driving down the frontage road.... Exciting!
A First Time For Everything
By Miztikal-Dragon
“Hear Me” -- Kelly Clarkson
My life was steadily going down the drain.
They are words that everyone says to themselves at one point or another, but this time it is real for me. In January my brother told me he was expecting his first child, and a week later I received news of my deserved promotion. Now, those two are good things, yes, but just a few days short of February my brother, his wife and their unborn child were killed by carbon monoxide poisoning in the house they had just moved into. February was for their funerals and March was oddly quiet.
In April the promotion I had been given was taken away by my ill-performance, in other words, I was a disappointment to the company and the following month, I was given the axe. My friend’s told me to keep my eyes on the bright side, that karma was only preparing me for an upheaval of good luck and at the time I had believed it like a woman dying from thirst. However, June came and I had been blessed with a freak hailstorm in my sunny town that never rains and every last window in the house I lived in was shattered. July was spent searching for jobs that I could not seem to hold for more than a week, and that spilled into August. By September I had scrounged up enough money to replace half of the house windows, the rest were boarded up out of pity by my boyfriend and his friends.
October was my birth month and while at my current then, mundane job, someone broke into my house and stole anything and everything that wasn’t nailed down, leaving me with nothing but a kitchen table and my pet. In October there was no such thing as a happy birthday, just a ‘fuck you’. November came and went and all it cost me was my oldest cat Sophie. She was old, well if you call twelve old, and fat. I let her outside as I normally did when I finally made it home from work, her long black and white fur sticking to my clothes and in a matter of days she went from an overweight twenty-five pounds to a startling eight pounds. Dehydrated, lethargic, her liver failing her, and I cried while at the Veterinarian’s office because I could not afford to pay for everything my Sophie needed.
Someone in the neighborhood had been killing off the stray cats and my Sophie had gotten caught in the crossfire. She did not make it to see the next morning and I buried her in my backyard where she loved to roll around in the dirt. It broke my heart to see her there lifeless, I kept thinking about all those years she was with me, she had been one of the only things constant in life and she too, had been taken away from me.
So here it is December, near Christmas and amongst all the holiday cheer, I woke up realizing that I wanted to die.
“Rin?” The sound of fingers snapping brought me out of my thoughts and I glanced out the window of my pickup truck at the boy who was trying to get my attention.
“Huh? Sorry Kohaku, I spaced out,” I replied sheepishly, his brown eyes staring almost worriedly at me.
“I was asking if you were stilling going to pick me up from work at ten tomorrow morning?” He worked the night shift at the police station as the emergency operator and it was a good job.
“Oh,” I turned up the heater and rubbed my hands together trying to keep them from freezing. “Yeah, no problem. It’s not like I have a job to go to or nothing.”
“Rin--”
“No, no, it’s okay.” I told him giving my best fake smile I could produce. “I’ll be here with bells on.”
He stared at me for a few minutes with an expression I had never seen on his face, but I no longer cared what it truly meant. Somehow I had become an empty husk, a shell of the woman I used to be and I did not know how to go back. Silence filled the air and when he sighed heavily, it broke, his lopsided smile spreading on his face and I knew then that he was choosing to ignore my emptiness. It had always been a trait that annoyed me, if he could not tolerate my behavior, he erased it from his mind and it never happened. He was shutting me out and though I would not say it out loud I was begging for something more than he was offering.
“I love you,” I told him as I leaned out the window to give him a kiss goodbye.
His fingers ran through his shaggy hair and instead of meeting me half way for a kiss, he placed his lips on my forehead, then turned and walked away. My heart was breaking because I knew that he had spent the money for an engagement ring, I had accidentally gotten it out of his sister Sango last Tuesday and now I was questioning both myself and him. Biting down on my lower lip, I rolled up my windows and turned down the music until I could barely hear the sounds of concert piano. It was getting late as it was, somewhere past ten-thirty but close to eleven and I was going to spend the night alone.
Driving along the quiet freeway I wondered if I was beyond help. That if by waking up with nothing to live for I had already decided to give up on the life that I had. I did not like feeling so alone, feeling trapped in the endless cycle of pain and heartache, but then again, I could not think of a way to fight against its pull. I began to think of the different possibilities, of how exactly I could kill myself. My first thought had been to hanging myself from the tree in my backyard; however, the idea of my last few moments being painful immediately crushed it. I could not shoot myself, as I had no guns in my house, nor the money to buy one off the street. Slitting my wrists went out with inflicting pain on myself, that and the sight of blood made me queasy.
I spent twenty minutes mentally debating certain methods of suicide and in the end I decided that the easiest way would be by overdose. I had medication, several anti-depressants, sleep-aids, anxiety and other pills that if I took enough, all that I had to do was fall asleep and all of my pain would end. I wouldn’t have to wake up another morning wishing I were dead, or wondering if it would be the day where Kohaku would leave and destroy whatever miniscule piece of my heart was holding the rest of the broken pieces together.
Finally deciding on my course of actions, my stomach began to settle and my muscles relaxed. I was getting away from the shadows following me, torturing me and oddly enough I was beginning to feel lighthearted. Was it pathetic that it took thoughts of suicide to make me feel happier than I had in almost a year? Was I truly that far gone that ending it all could be my only escape from hell? Was I really strong enough to throw my life away?
“Yes,” hearing my voice started me and I merged my truck from the freeway onto the frontage road that would lead me to my home, my final resting place and a small smile spread on my lips.
I waited for the green light so I could cross the freeway and as I accelerated I was worry free. I stayed straight, driving the speed limit as I did not need reason for my bad luck to mess up my plans, I was going to do this right. The horrible part of all my thoughts wasn’t that I was going home to kill myself, but that I wasn’t going to be given the chance. I heard the horn before I felt the impact, headlights blaring into my rearview mirror as another vehicle slammed into the back of my pick up.
I could hear myself screaming as I tried to right myself, tugging my steering wheel as my truck spun out of control and I hit the barrier. The driver side door smashed into my left side as my truck broke through the barrier and instead of sliding onto more road or pavement, it rocked before plummeting down. It could have been moments that I was unconscious, seconds, minutes or even hours, I don’t know; however when I came to I was surrounded by black and blue. Panic welled up in my chest staring at my cracking windshield, small rivulets of water trickling down onto my dash. My entire body ached and burned and I groped around for my cell phone knowing I had to keep calm.
By the time I found my cell phone, I could already feel the cold water soaking though my shoes, the small cracks of my wind shield growing in size and I frantically dialed 9-1-1, my fingers trembling and making it almost impossible to press the already small buttons.
“9-1-1, please state your emergency,” the dull voice spoke to me and a sob welled up in my throat.
“Help me,” I whispered feeling tears break free from my eyes. “Please, someone help me I’m stuck in my truck in the canal… Please--”
“Rin?” It was Kohaku’s voice that had been dull sounding and another sob broke through as fear filled from his side of the phone. “Rin is that you?”
“Kohaku,” the water was up to my calves now and I wasn’t sure how much oxygen I was wasting by crying. “I was rear-ended, the cab is filling up with water and I need help.”
“Can you get out of your truck?” He sounded serious and it had me frightened, more frightened than I had ever been in my entire life.
I spent a moment trying to unbuckle myself only to realize that I wasn’t buckled in in the first place, the strap hanging off my left shoulder, the metal clasp broken in half. It was then that I noticed the bloodstains in front of me, the circular pattern of it and I knew why my wind shield was broken. My head had smashed into it after my defective seatbelt gave up on me and now I was going to die.
“I think my leg’s broken,” I whispered almost inaudibly. I heard him swear and ask me for my location and I gave it to him as I watched the water slowly rising.
The truck lurched and I screamed, my phone slipping into the water and becoming useless. My fists pounded on the horn hoping that someone on the road could hear it, my desperate screams being drowned out by the water above me and all I knew what that I needed to find a way out. It was funny that though I planned to kill myself, when it came down to the bottom line of giving up, I was struggling for a way to fight. I could not let myself drown here, not like this and if I had been strong enough to break the windshield and swim to the surface I would have.
I screamed for help until my throat was raw, warm tears falling uncontrollably down my cheeks because this would be my watery grave. I doubted the fire department or the paramedics would get to me in time and I could feel my body shutting down as the water passed my elbows, the windshield cracking loudly in my ears before it finally gave away.
The pressure of the water hitting me was enough to strangle the air of my chest as well as what was left in the cab and my hands clawed at the broken glass trying to make a bigger hole so I could slip out and I failed. My lungs ached, my leg throbbed and I could see my blood floating in front of me like some cliché movie. I was going to drown.
Slowly my vision went black, reality was slipping away from me and I knew that no longer would I have to hurt. I was free.
I often wondered what death would feel like, what it would be like and if there was a heaven or hell, but all I could see was black. I felt empty, lost and I could not move my body, if I even had one. I felt like I was merely existing, nothing more nothing less and if I could have laughed I would have. It was so ironic.
I faintly heard sirens in the background and an aching pain in my chest and the black lightened to grey. Wasn’t I dead? More pressure on my chest yanked me away and a pair of lips forced mine open and I coughed and choked, my entire body convulsing as I was jerked to my side and I vomited.
“Is she alright?” a slurred voice echoed loudly around me and I sputtered for a moment or two longer trying to purge the water from my lungs.
A pair of strong warm hands held me until my retching stopped, my throat adding to the list of things that burned or simply was hurting. I gasped for air as I tried to put the pieces of my jumbled mind together and a masculine voice floated across my ears, gently lulling me into consciousness and forcing my tired eyes to open and as the sirens grew louder I found myself captivated by amber and white.
“What’s your name?” He asked, his silver white hair slipping over his shoulders in wet clumps. Why was he wet?
“R-Rin,” My teeth chattered and voices called out as the sirens shrieked, flashes of blue and red dancing across my eyes.
Just as suddenly, several pairs of hands were touching me, pulling me and I grabbed onto the amber eyed man, pulling my trembling body against his chest as the hands pulled and tugged and people yelled. What was going on? Who were all these people and why were they hurting me? I screamed as as they handled my leg, probed my body and still I clung to the man in front of me, my teeth chattering and my body trembling in fear and cold.
“Please,” I told him as I was tugged away from my strange savior. “Please don’t leave me alone. Please--”
Consciousness was fleeting for me and the next time my eyes opened it was to a slightly chilly white room. I could hear the steady beeps and blips of the machines hooked to me and as my brain restarted I could hear the machines grow slightly frantic. Why was I in a hospital?
“You’re finally awake,” the velvety baritone voice startled me and I glanced over at the man sitting next to me.
His long silver hair was pulled into a tight braid that fell over his shoulder, his bright amber eyes staring at me almost curiously over a pair of reading glasses and I was awed at his presence. “Who are you?”
“My name is Sesshomaru,” he spoke evenly and clearly and my mind immediately labeled him as an intellectual.
“How?” I was jumping ahead of myself as his large hands forced me back on my bed, his movements allowing me a glimpse of his finely sculpted chest hidden under his shirt. “I should have died.”
“You would have,” he spoke at me rather than to me and I found it oddly fitting. “If I hadn’t pulled over to see why there was some drunk staring over the edge of that canal the paramedics would not have found you in time. He had said there was someone in the water and I heard your screaming.”
“You saved me?”
“Yes,” I closed my eyes and swallowed the lump in my throat.
“Why?”
“Why not?” His voice sounded incredulous and if I had been in better spirits I would have laughed.
“Well you don’t have to stay any longer if you have somewhere else to be,” I told him pretending that I was going back to sleep, not that it was really all that hard as I was exhausted. I did not want him to see my cry, not because I was alive, but because to him I had been worth saving, even if only by definitions of ‘why not’.
A pair of soft lips pressed against my forehead and a hand wrapped itself around my own and squeezed gently and it almost undid me. “I will stay so you are not alone.”
If I had known that he hadn’t meant for the moment, but for a lifetime I would have cried harder.
E/N: I really liked this one as well... I cried at parts only because some douchebag in my neighborhood really was poisoning the strays and my nine-year old Oreo did die from it back in October... : /
Converting /tmp/php6rclE3 to /dev/stdout
This story is thanks to the Muse CD, 'Absolution' that I listen to while driving to the post office everyday... I got my inspiration from them and the canal I see while driving down the frontage road.... Exciting!
A First Time For Everything
By Miztikal-Dragon
“Hear Me” -- Kelly Clarkson
My life was steadily going down the drain.
They are words that everyone says to themselves at one point or another, but this time it is real for me. In January my brother told me he was expecting his first child, and a week later I received news of my deserved promotion. Now, those two are good things, yes, but just a few days short of February my brother, his wife and their unborn child were killed by carbon monoxide poisoning in the house they had just moved into. February was for their funerals and March was oddly quiet.
In April the promotion I had been given was taken away by my ill-performance, in other words, I was a disappointment to the company and the following month, I was given the axe. My friend’s told me to keep my eyes on the bright side, that karma was only preparing me for an upheaval of good luck and at the time I had believed it like a woman dying from thirst. However, June came and I had been blessed with a freak hailstorm in my sunny town that never rains and every last window in the house I lived in was shattered. July was spent searching for jobs that I could not seem to hold for more than a week, and that spilled into August. By September I had scrounged up enough money to replace half of the house windows, the rest were boarded up out of pity by my boyfriend and his friends.
October was my birth month and while at my current then, mundane job, someone broke into my house and stole anything and everything that wasn’t nailed down, leaving me with nothing but a kitchen table and my pet. In October there was no such thing as a happy birthday, just a ‘fuck you’. November came and went and all it cost me was my oldest cat Sophie. She was old, well if you call twelve old, and fat. I let her outside as I normally did when I finally made it home from work, her long black and white fur sticking to my clothes and in a matter of days she went from an overweight twenty-five pounds to a startling eight pounds. Dehydrated, lethargic, her liver failing her, and I cried while at the Veterinarian’s office because I could not afford to pay for everything my Sophie needed.
Someone in the neighborhood had been killing off the stray cats and my Sophie had gotten caught in the crossfire. She did not make it to see the next morning and I buried her in my backyard where she loved to roll around in the dirt. It broke my heart to see her there lifeless, I kept thinking about all those years she was with me, she had been one of the only things constant in life and she too, had been taken away from me.
So here it is December, near Christmas and amongst all the holiday cheer, I woke up realizing that I wanted to die.
“Rin?” The sound of fingers snapping brought me out of my thoughts and I glanced out the window of my pickup truck at the boy who was trying to get my attention.
“Huh? Sorry Kohaku, I spaced out,” I replied sheepishly, his brown eyes staring almost worriedly at me.
“I was asking if you were stilling going to pick me up from work at ten tomorrow morning?” He worked the night shift at the police station as the emergency operator and it was a good job.
“Oh,” I turned up the heater and rubbed my hands together trying to keep them from freezing. “Yeah, no problem. It’s not like I have a job to go to or nothing.”
“Rin--”
“No, no, it’s okay.” I told him giving my best fake smile I could produce. “I’ll be here with bells on.”
He stared at me for a few minutes with an expression I had never seen on his face, but I no longer cared what it truly meant. Somehow I had become an empty husk, a shell of the woman I used to be and I did not know how to go back. Silence filled the air and when he sighed heavily, it broke, his lopsided smile spreading on his face and I knew then that he was choosing to ignore my emptiness. It had always been a trait that annoyed me, if he could not tolerate my behavior, he erased it from his mind and it never happened. He was shutting me out and though I would not say it out loud I was begging for something more than he was offering.
“I love you,” I told him as I leaned out the window to give him a kiss goodbye.
His fingers ran through his shaggy hair and instead of meeting me half way for a kiss, he placed his lips on my forehead, then turned and walked away. My heart was breaking because I knew that he had spent the money for an engagement ring, I had accidentally gotten it out of his sister Sango last Tuesday and now I was questioning both myself and him. Biting down on my lower lip, I rolled up my windows and turned down the music until I could barely hear the sounds of concert piano. It was getting late as it was, somewhere past ten-thirty but close to eleven and I was going to spend the night alone.
Driving along the quiet freeway I wondered if I was beyond help. That if by waking up with nothing to live for I had already decided to give up on the life that I had. I did not like feeling so alone, feeling trapped in the endless cycle of pain and heartache, but then again, I could not think of a way to fight against its pull. I began to think of the different possibilities, of how exactly I could kill myself. My first thought had been to hanging myself from the tree in my backyard; however, the idea of my last few moments being painful immediately crushed it. I could not shoot myself, as I had no guns in my house, nor the money to buy one off the street. Slitting my wrists went out with inflicting pain on myself, that and the sight of blood made me queasy.
I spent twenty minutes mentally debating certain methods of suicide and in the end I decided that the easiest way would be by overdose. I had medication, several anti-depressants, sleep-aids, anxiety and other pills that if I took enough, all that I had to do was fall asleep and all of my pain would end. I wouldn’t have to wake up another morning wishing I were dead, or wondering if it would be the day where Kohaku would leave and destroy whatever miniscule piece of my heart was holding the rest of the broken pieces together.
Finally deciding on my course of actions, my stomach began to settle and my muscles relaxed. I was getting away from the shadows following me, torturing me and oddly enough I was beginning to feel lighthearted. Was it pathetic that it took thoughts of suicide to make me feel happier than I had in almost a year? Was I truly that far gone that ending it all could be my only escape from hell? Was I really strong enough to throw my life away?
“Yes,” hearing my voice started me and I merged my truck from the freeway onto the frontage road that would lead me to my home, my final resting place and a small smile spread on my lips.
I waited for the green light so I could cross the freeway and as I accelerated I was worry free. I stayed straight, driving the speed limit as I did not need reason for my bad luck to mess up my plans, I was going to do this right. The horrible part of all my thoughts wasn’t that I was going home to kill myself, but that I wasn’t going to be given the chance. I heard the horn before I felt the impact, headlights blaring into my rearview mirror as another vehicle slammed into the back of my pick up.
I could hear myself screaming as I tried to right myself, tugging my steering wheel as my truck spun out of control and I hit the barrier. The driver side door smashed into my left side as my truck broke through the barrier and instead of sliding onto more road or pavement, it rocked before plummeting down. It could have been moments that I was unconscious, seconds, minutes or even hours, I don’t know; however when I came to I was surrounded by black and blue. Panic welled up in my chest staring at my cracking windshield, small rivulets of water trickling down onto my dash. My entire body ached and burned and I groped around for my cell phone knowing I had to keep calm.
By the time I found my cell phone, I could already feel the cold water soaking though my shoes, the small cracks of my wind shield growing in size and I frantically dialed 9-1-1, my fingers trembling and making it almost impossible to press the already small buttons.
“9-1-1, please state your emergency,” the dull voice spoke to me and a sob welled up in my throat.
“Help me,” I whispered feeling tears break free from my eyes. “Please, someone help me I’m stuck in my truck in the canal… Please--”
“Rin?” It was Kohaku’s voice that had been dull sounding and another sob broke through as fear filled from his side of the phone. “Rin is that you?”
“Kohaku,” the water was up to my calves now and I wasn’t sure how much oxygen I was wasting by crying. “I was rear-ended, the cab is filling up with water and I need help.”
“Can you get out of your truck?” He sounded serious and it had me frightened, more frightened than I had ever been in my entire life.
I spent a moment trying to unbuckle myself only to realize that I wasn’t buckled in in the first place, the strap hanging off my left shoulder, the metal clasp broken in half. It was then that I noticed the bloodstains in front of me, the circular pattern of it and I knew why my wind shield was broken. My head had smashed into it after my defective seatbelt gave up on me and now I was going to die.
“I think my leg’s broken,” I whispered almost inaudibly. I heard him swear and ask me for my location and I gave it to him as I watched the water slowly rising.
The truck lurched and I screamed, my phone slipping into the water and becoming useless. My fists pounded on the horn hoping that someone on the road could hear it, my desperate screams being drowned out by the water above me and all I knew what that I needed to find a way out. It was funny that though I planned to kill myself, when it came down to the bottom line of giving up, I was struggling for a way to fight. I could not let myself drown here, not like this and if I had been strong enough to break the windshield and swim to the surface I would have.
I screamed for help until my throat was raw, warm tears falling uncontrollably down my cheeks because this would be my watery grave. I doubted the fire department or the paramedics would get to me in time and I could feel my body shutting down as the water passed my elbows, the windshield cracking loudly in my ears before it finally gave away.
The pressure of the water hitting me was enough to strangle the air of my chest as well as what was left in the cab and my hands clawed at the broken glass trying to make a bigger hole so I could slip out and I failed. My lungs ached, my leg throbbed and I could see my blood floating in front of me like some cliché movie. I was going to drown.
Slowly my vision went black, reality was slipping away from me and I knew that no longer would I have to hurt. I was free.
I often wondered what death would feel like, what it would be like and if there was a heaven or hell, but all I could see was black. I felt empty, lost and I could not move my body, if I even had one. I felt like I was merely existing, nothing more nothing less and if I could have laughed I would have. It was so ironic.
I faintly heard sirens in the background and an aching pain in my chest and the black lightened to grey. Wasn’t I dead? More pressure on my chest yanked me away and a pair of lips forced mine open and I coughed and choked, my entire body convulsing as I was jerked to my side and I vomited.
“Is she alright?” a slurred voice echoed loudly around me and I sputtered for a moment or two longer trying to purge the water from my lungs.
A pair of strong warm hands held me until my retching stopped, my throat adding to the list of things that burned or simply was hurting. I gasped for air as I tried to put the pieces of my jumbled mind together and a masculine voice floated across my ears, gently lulling me into consciousness and forcing my tired eyes to open and as the sirens grew louder I found myself captivated by amber and white.
“What’s your name?” He asked, his silver white hair slipping over his shoulders in wet clumps. Why was he wet?
“R-Rin,” My teeth chattered and voices called out as the sirens shrieked, flashes of blue and red dancing across my eyes.
Just as suddenly, several pairs of hands were touching me, pulling me and I grabbed onto the amber eyed man, pulling my trembling body against his chest as the hands pulled and tugged and people yelled. What was going on? Who were all these people and why were they hurting me? I screamed as as they handled my leg, probed my body and still I clung to the man in front of me, my teeth chattering and my body trembling in fear and cold.
“Please,” I told him as I was tugged away from my strange savior. “Please don’t leave me alone. Please--”
Consciousness was fleeting for me and the next time my eyes opened it was to a slightly chilly white room. I could hear the steady beeps and blips of the machines hooked to me and as my brain restarted I could hear the machines grow slightly frantic. Why was I in a hospital?
“You’re finally awake,” the velvety baritone voice startled me and I glanced over at the man sitting next to me.
His long silver hair was pulled into a tight braid that fell over his shoulder, his bright amber eyes staring at me almost curiously over a pair of reading glasses and I was awed at his presence. “Who are you?”
“My name is Sesshomaru,” he spoke evenly and clearly and my mind immediately labeled him as an intellectual.
“How?” I was jumping ahead of myself as his large hands forced me back on my bed, his movements allowing me a glimpse of his finely sculpted chest hidden under his shirt. “I should have died.”
“You would have,” he spoke at me rather than to me and I found it oddly fitting. “If I hadn’t pulled over to see why there was some drunk staring over the edge of that canal the paramedics would not have found you in time. He had said there was someone in the water and I heard your screaming.”
“You saved me?”
“Yes,” I closed my eyes and swallowed the lump in my throat.
“Why?”
“Why not?” His voice sounded incredulous and if I had been in better spirits I would have laughed.
“Well you don’t have to stay any longer if you have somewhere else to be,” I told him pretending that I was going back to sleep, not that it was really all that hard as I was exhausted. I did not want him to see my cry, not because I was alive, but because to him I had been worth saving, even if only by definitions of ‘why not’.
A pair of soft lips pressed against my forehead and a hand wrapped itself around my own and squeezed gently and it almost undid me. “I will stay so you are not alone.”
If I had known that he hadn’t meant for the moment, but for a lifetime I would have cried harder.
E/N: I really liked this one as well... I cried at parts only because some douchebag in my neighborhood really was poisoning the strays and my nine-year old Oreo did die from it back in October... : /
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