InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ A First Time For Everything ❯ "Give Me a Sign" ( Chapter 28 )

[ X - Adult: No readers under 18. Contains Graphic Adult Themes/Extreme violence. ]

Diclaimer: Why must I keep stating the obvious? We all know I do not own anything here, besides the endless rambling of a poor woman... If I owned, nobody would have loved it as much :)



This is because I am an emotional reject :) and I was having problems uploading the previous chapter for three days! Lamesville. More to come!

"Give me a Sign"  Breaking Benjamin

She was tired. Tired of hearing the lies and the tales men told to get her to go blindly into their beds. If it was not one thing it was another. Most days she felt like a broken down car sitting on a lot, each new onlooker another used-car salesman trying to get her off the lot. They said their lines to get her to doubt herself, the over used phrase, "I am the best..." leaving every possible suitors lips like a valley girls "ums" or "Likes" and the never endings "totally". If another man walked up to her and somehow conned her into giving him her number only to try and sell himself to her, she was going to rip out her hair and do some serious harm to the poor unlucky fool.

Honestly she already had all the problems she could currently handle, and even the bill from her therapist to prove it; however, never did they seem to care. "Hello Rin,"

Rin nodded her head in acknowledgement throwing her bag down at her feet next to the chair she sat in every week for the last two and a half years. Uncaringly, she threw herself onto the plush oversized chair and crossed her arms over her chest. This week had been a hectic one, more so than previous ones she had expirenced in a long time. The anger billowed around her in a violent tornado, smothering her with its invisible grasp and if she could not purge it from her system soon she felt as if she was going to explode and loose a piece of herself that she was unable to live without.

"How are you feeling this week?" His voice was a soft timbre, comforting and filled her with a false sense of safety, that on any other day but today she would have gladly ignored just to keep a hold of the sanity she felt sliping away from her.

"I feel that you could really care less what I'm feeling today." Rin felt helpless with the overwhelming urge to scream and throw a tantrum, to fall to the floor kicking and screaming like a five year old who was told 'no'.

"And why do you say that?"

"Because I pay you three-hundred fucking dollars a week to listen to me, that's why." She kicked off her shoes and moved into a position she was comfortable with. "You're a shrink for fuck's sake. You listen to people who literally cannot function properly and bleed them dry with your prices. Oh, I'm sure you help people, I mean look at me, for the past two years I've been seeing you, and it's kept me from the state pen, where you undoubtedly think I belong anyway. I'm sure when the days is over, you go home to your high-class expensive home and make fun of the idiots who pay someone to be quiet and judge them for an hour once a week."

She did not want to look at the man across from her to see the acknowledgement in his eyes. It was her whom she felt were the idiot. Afterall, wasn't she the very same idiot who was paying a stranger to listen to her talk about her problems and judge her? She heard the scribbling of a pen against paper and wondered if maybe she should be switching to a doctor who could prescribe her medication? The judge she had been in front of had said as much, as well as the doctor who performed her psych evaluation, but no, her father would not let his little girl be "as high as a kite", no daughter of his was a drug-dependent junkie.

"And what brought this on?" This was the most she had ever heard him speak in a session and curiosity was getting the best of her.

Rin closed her eyes letting her head flop onto the armrest. "I don't know."

The silence that greeted her was something she was familiar with and it took the edge off the anger clawing at her. It was a lie and the both of them could see through her fickle answer. The truth was that she was feeling sorry for herself and in return it made her angry. It was the accumliation of pathetic small things that pushed her into a corner, that overwhelmed her. Her incapability to deal with those miniscule issues was why she was still here after so long and unable to be a productive member of society. His stare was hot and blunt, making her uncomfortable, yet she was unwilling to yeild to it. She easily still had a few more minutes of stubborness left in her.

"There was this guy at work," she caved as she met his swirling eyes of amber, he was serious and slently refused to repeat himself and she felt like a child with her hand in the cookie jar. "He's been very forward about dating me and normally I just brush it off because I don't date guys I work with. Well he had the nerve to tell me that I was being childish because he was the greatest guy I'd ever meet."

The scribbling stopped as she felt the heat rising in her chest, the light warmth of the blush on her cheeks because he was now focusing all of his attention on her and she could not stop talking if she tried. "I mean come on! The best my ass. That phrase is used for one purpose and one only, to get girls. We're emotional freaks, one minute we think we're cute or pretty in one outfit, but just one wrong look and we're ugly fat-cows. When I hear 'I'm the best' it tells me that the guy thinks that I need to stop looking and just take what he's offering because there's something defective about me that will leave me alone and unloved, but it's okay because this guy is willing to throw the pathetic freak a bone and I should be glad!'

'As if I don't have enough problems as it is, but now I have to worry about what's so fucking horrible about me and dwell on it until I'm so depressed I'll take anything that is willing to pick me off the side of the road. I know I have good qualities, but this makes me doubt myself. Will I ever find better? Should I go out with this guy, cause let's face it Rin, you haven't gotten laid now in three and a half years and can't manage to hold a relationship for longer than a month. Maybe this guy is right, maybe he is the best I can get and I should date him because he's right, I'll never find better. I should be happy that at least somebody is willing to put up with me. I'll never find happiness so who really cares, right?"

Tears blurred her vision and Rin sniffled softly as she finished her tirade. Just reiterating her thoughts outloud made her feel pathetic and worthless. She supposed it was not the boy at work's fault for her thoughts and low self-confidence, but he had been the catalyst that had everything bursting through the surface. Those thoughts had always been there, deep within her heart waiting for the perfect oportunity to crush her and now that it had she wasn't sure how to carry on. Her fingers trembled as she struggled to wipe her tears away, more replacing them and she gave up only to hide behind her hands as a sob worked its ways from her throat.

"I hate this weakness," she forced out angrily between clenched teeth fighting against the pain bubbling in her chest. "I should be stronger than this, but I'm not. I'm so stupid, I should be grateful but I'm not! I'm not and I don't fucking understand! Why can't I seem to find someone who doesn't try to belittle me or make me feel horrible about myself? What's so horrible about me that repusles everyone else?"

"Rin," his voice was so comforting and she wanted to curl up in his arms. They would be strong, their length able to wrap around her and hold the breaking pieces together. For once she wanted somebody to be able to lean on, to be able to trust and depend on and no matter where she looked she could not find it, and when she thought she did, it always seemed to crash and burn in front of her. "I think it would be best if you found another doctor."

"W-what?" His words abruptly stopped her tears and her head snapped to his direction, her heart beating furiously in her chest. Had she heard right?

"You heard me," his silver hair hid his eyes and she could feel all of her feelings draining from her body. She suddenly felt naustious.

"You've got to be kidding me!" Rin climbed quickly to her feet, her entire body shaking with disbelief. His curt shake of his head destroyed her. "No, of course not, why would you? Well don't let me waste anymore of your precious time. I'll let myself out."

"Rin," she ignored him scooping up her shoes and her bag into her arms and swiftly fleeing the room.

This time she did not bother fighting against the tears, what was the point? LIfe for her was one big never ending disappointment so she should not have been surprised, that once again she had nothing. This was beyond ridiculous! Her fingers jabbed the down arrow as she halted in front of the elevator, pressing the button over and over in hopes that it would arrive faster that way. If she had better control over her emotions she would be attempting the stairs, but she wasn't going to risk breaking an arm or leg, not with how the tears refused to leave her be.

"Rin stop," the elevator doors opened and she shrugged off the hand trying to pull her back by her shoulder.

"No," she snapped stepping onto the elevator and jabbing the button that would lead her to the lobby so she could leave and never come back.

Hands shoved her back and she stumbled taken by surprise. Rin's back hit the rail and before she could get an angry curse from her throat the doors closed in front of her and a pair of lips captured hers in a hungry kiss. Her gasp was loud as his hand fisted in her head, pulling her head back as her mouth was plundered expertly. Heat surged through her, numbing her body as she felt him against her, his long silver hair tickling her cheeks as he kissed her breathless. This was not happening!

"I think it would be best if you found another doctor." His voice had gone octaves lower, filled with a husky need that set her blood on fire.

"O-ok," the stuttered reply was all she could utter staring into his hazy amber eyes. She was confused to how she had gotten herself into this perdicament, but it thrilled her as well.

Her doctor, Dr. Sesshomaru Takahara was really kissing her in a freaking elevator! She wondered what alternate universe she had fallen into or if she had finally lost her mind and was currently being tucked into a straight jacket to be carted off to the insane assylum where she belonged. His body towered over hers, his hair falling over his shoulders like a waterfall of silver trapping her and she desperately wished it was real as his hand caressed her cheek, pulling her to him stealing away what was left of her mind.

E/N: I'm almost certain there will be a follow up to this one, just not sure whether or not she was hallucinating.... We will have to see...

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